Victors of Victorine
by keiman and kei
Summary: The 'rift' problems are all behind them now and all that matters now is colonizing the brave new world of 'Victorine'. That way the still displaced travelers will have a new home in which to live and a new place to work and raise their families since it is now impossible to return to ther own home worlds anymore. But there's a fly or two in the ointment! Meet Lord Beerus and Whis.
1. Ch1'Auntie, the Butler & the Closet' or

'Victors of Victorine'

Chapter 1 'Auntie, the Butler & the Closet' or 'Zamarkand's Sole Survivour'

DISCLAIMER: As the sole survivour of the once mighty 'Zamarkand', I, 'Ahura Gladius Mazdan', have been given the supreme honour of reading this document to you, the loyal readers and followers of these adventures of my newfound friends, the new colonizers of this brave new world of 'Victorine'.

First, we wish to thank the numerous Creators whose works and characters we have the privilege and honour to be graciously permitted to utilize especially our great effendi, Mr Haruka-San Takachiho without whose kindly permission none of these vidreports and vidlog sharings would be possible.

Of course, we graciously and humbly wish to allow the usage of any of our own original works and characters of which we have the honour to be the Creators. We ask only that we be afforded equal credit for their Creation. We ask this in the name of the mighty god whom I myself resemble and whom, on a long ago visit to Terra, the Earth, I was mistakenly recognized to represent- the great 'Ahura Mazda' of ancient Persia.

The following is a brief synopses of the events which are to be related to ye in this modernistic version of the Thousand and One Nights of the beautiful Scheherazade. Therefore, read on and be amazed, my friends-

I'll soon be starting my new ff venture entitled 'Victors of Victorine'. It will include characters from other time eras and places, but they will not be coming through the space/time Continuum barrier. Look for stowaways on a TARDIS instead. That leads me to my glaring problem. My readers and followers want to see Auntie Harriet Cooper and Alfred Pennyworth reunited with Bruce Wayne/Batman and Dick Grayson/Robin on the brave new world. I envision Auntie H accidentally stumbling aboard the TARDIS which will resemble something unusual inside of Wayne Manor.

I also envision Alfred the Wayne Manor's butler trying to rescue her and stumbling aboard with her. Before they can leave, however, the TARDIS will activate and they will be whisked off to either Shimougou's EC or FC 3WA HQ or Academy or to the Federation HQ at Kurestan on Alderaan and eventually being transported via 3WA starship to Victorine where they will be reunited with Bruce and Dick. Of course, it means that Auntie H will have to be apprised of the guys' secret identities. No problem there since everyone in the 23rd Century knows whom Dick and Bruce are in reality- the 'Dynamic Duo'- not to be confused with our own Angelic 'Deadly Dynamic Duo' of Kei O'Halloran & Yuri Donovan.

The problem arises in stately Wayne Manor. What could the TARDIS resemble on the outside that would make her curious enough to step through it or into it and wind up aboard the Type 40 machine?

In my versions, of course, the 'chameleon circuit' has been replaced and now allows the TARDIS's outside to resemble anything that the time lord or time lady might choose or need. Allison's Type 40 resembles 'Kaw-Liga', a wooden cigar store Indian chief, but I just cannot see this matronly lady accidentally walking into it! Ditto for a china closet or suit of armour. Perhaps an armoire or a wardrobe?

In the two Peter Cushing 'Dr Who' films, the 'Doctor Grandfather' kept his TARDIS in the hall closet! Perhaps Auntie H could walk into the closet and fall through the back 'wall' and onto the Type 40? She'd scream the house down and bring Alfie running. Seeing her dress disappearing into the 'wall', he would, naturally, make a grab for it and centrifugal force would yank him through as well?

Because of the commotion, they would come out not in the main or auxilliary control room 'bridge' but in one of the rear storage rooms. By the time that they had finally found the bridge, the TARDIS would be 'lightys' or light years away from Terra which is what we call Earth in the 23rd Century. Taking them back home is now impossible because the TARDIS can never return to the same spacial place or time once it has already landed there once. The only alternative is for the time lord or lady and his/her companions to take the 'stowaways' with them to their mission's destination.

Poor Mr Garner! As Territorial Sector Chief of the Aquarian Galaxy, they would become his responsibility and he'd shuffle them off to the new world that was being colonized on the next available vessel.

In Ch 40 of NGS, I introduced the sole survivour of Victorine. Of course, he knew that world as 'Zamarkand'. 'Ahura Gladius Mazdan' is a powerful, but not evil, Djinn who possesses powers of invisibility amd wish granting as well as being an adept at 'mind send' like a telepath or a Beta Zoid. He has already solved the colonists' water supply problems at the new 'Victoria City', the 'staging area' and the campsite of 'Stalag 13' by redirecting the 'Amaazonian River' and creating a lake, a reservoir and a creek for them. As he has yet to reveal himself to them, the colonists are all agog and possible explanations are rampant!

When they arrive there, Auntie H and Alfie are billetted with ? because Bruce, Dick and the rest of the 'Justice League' and some reformed members of the 'Legion of Doom' are away on another mission for the 3WA or the Federation. Alfie becomes a butler for the Walkers while Auntie H is pressed into service as a babysitter for the new Walker baby and Eric & Sookie Northman's twins who are almost three Earther years. The 'reborn' Angela Walker (She is now 5) makes a huge hit with Auntie Harry. Her older 'sister' (Born a few months earlier and who looks and acts like a grown woman of 20 something) has stowed away to Victorine aboard a space rig piloted by Sir Integra Wyngate van Helsing, the Hellsing leader and her co-pilot, Louie LeBeau from 'Stalag 13'. The older Angela intends to live together with her boyfriend, Paramedic/Firefighter Johnny Gage!

Well, that's how the first few chapters of VOV will be laid out as soon as I decide how Auntie H and Alfie leave Wayne Manor! I am looking for a good pix for the FFN title page. I want a planet with twin suns on the horizon and Tattooine from Star Wars is out because it's a desert planet and Victorine has been newly terraformed and is now being colonized using Dr Brief's 'building capsules'.

I may have found such a pix and I also may have found a good pix of a good Djinn who will resemble the Zoroastrian/Zarathustrian Persian god Ahura Mazda. How about that eh? A Japanese car named after an ancient Persian (Iran) god! Iraq used to be known as Mesopotamia. Can't recall where 'Samarkand' was though although HP Lovecraft used it several times in his 'Great Old Ones' stories as the city of Cthulhu. Arabian land I believe but don't quote me on it.

"Mrs Cooper? Madam? Did you summon me, Madam Cooper? That is strange. Could the good lady have entered Master Bruce's study? She knows that is a room that is forbidden to her. Oh my goodness! There goes the 'Batphone'! I wonder what sort of a mess Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara have gotten themselves into this time? What a time for the Master and his young ward, Master Grayson, to be away on a mission for those 3WA ladies and I use the term loosely, very loosely indeed!

"Good afternoon, sir. No, I fear that he and Master Robin are not at home, sir. Whom, sir? The 'Time Traveller', sir? He is a new villain, sir, is he not? Yes, I thought as much, sir. Yes, I will certainly convey that message to him, sir. Yes, the 'Bat Signal' is sometimes quite useful, sir. However, in this case, I fear that he is well beyond its range, sir. Yes, as soon as I can, sir. Stiff upper lip and all, sir. Quite a sticky wicket indeed, sir. Yes. Good day, sir.

"Heavens to Murgatroyd! Oh dear me. I simply must stop reading Master Dick's comic books! Mrs Cooper? Madam? Ah, there you are, mum. No, don't dust the Bard, Madam! Oh dear! No! Please do not touch that switch! Oh dear! Be careful, Madam! Madam? How unusual. She seems to have walked through the wall behind the 'Bat Poles'! Madam! I'm coming, mum. My! How that lady can scream! Here I come, Madam. Alfred to the rescue. Ah well, mine is not to reason why, mine is but to- I am wasting time.

"In for a farthing, in for a Euro, I suppose. My word! Where the deuce am I? Madam! Keep shouting, Mrs Cooper. I am coming. I think that I am, anyway. What a strange looking wall. It seems to be made of some sort of shiny metallic alloy. Not steel at any rate. What are these round things I wonder?

"Ah, there you are, Madam. Allow me to assist you to rise, mum. What's that, Madam?" said the bearded and mustachioed grey-headed gentleman butler of stately Wayne Manor located just 14 miles from Gotham City.

"Alfred! Where on Earth are we? I touched that button inside the bust of Mr Shakespeare in Bruce's study and the wall opened! I was curious and I fell against those two poles marked 'Bruce' and 'Dick'! Then I fell through the wall and bumped my head! When I came to, I was lying on this bed! My goodness gracious! What was that, Alfred? Let's go back to the house." said the matronly white-haired Mrs Harriet Daggett Cooper whose young teen-aged nephew, Richard Grayson, was the adopted ward of the eccentric multi-billionaire, Bruce Wayne.

"To paraphrase Mr L Frank Baum, Madam: 'I do not believe that we are in Gotham City anymore, mum.' Shall we see where this passageway leads, Madam? Do be careful, Madam. The floor seems quite slippery. Oh my stars! Look at this room! Unless I miss my guess, Madam, we seem to be aboard a 'space vessel' of some kind, Madam. No! Don't touch that, Mrs Cooper! Oh my goodness! Hold onto me, Madam! We appear to be lifting off!" said the Wayne butler, grasping the older woman around the middle with one arm and wrapping his other arm around the strange looking console just as the pylon began 'pile driving' up and down!

"Ach! Who be ye and what be ye doin' aboard Mistress Galatea's 'TARDIS'?" yelled a big strapping Scotsman complete with kilt, sporrin and 'Claymore' broadsword who had just popped through another door and was frantically throwing switches.

"Well? Answer Master MacCrimmon, please. I have never had stowaways on my Type 40 before, have we, Jamie, me lad?" said a tall raven-haired woman wearing a black jumpsuit who had followed 'Jamie MacCrimmon' onto the 'bridge' of her travelling machine. She had leveled an evil-looking flintlock pistol at the two trespassers, but she immediately holstered it when the older matronly lady fainted into the older gentleman's arms.

"Jamie, take the lady to one of the bedrooms. Not you, sir. Surely some sort of an explanation is in order, sir? I am listening." said Lady 'Galatea Getraeran' of the Gallifreyan clan of Karpathia. She quickly 'repped' up two comfy armchairs and a java table beside the console and signed for Mr Pennyworth to sit. He instead walked over to her and held her chair while she sat first and then he took the other chair while she poured tea for them both.

Alfred Pennyworth slowly and carefully explained the events from the time that he had noticed that his own mistress was missing from stately Wayne Manor until he had followed Mrs Cooper aboard this vessel and so on and so forth until they had reached this control room.

"Then you must work for the 'Bat' and his snot-nosed brat, Mr Pennyworth. Is that correct, sir? Lemon or milk? Sugar?" said the tall Patrician-featured time lady who had landed to make a few minor repairs before she, Jamie and Leila the 'Jungle Girl' could return to Gallifrey.

"That is correct, Madam. However, mum's the word around Mrs Cooper, please. Outside of myself and Mr Gordon's daughter, Barbara, no one else knows Master Bruce and Master Dick's true identities and-" explained Alfred and his hostess burst into peals of raucous laughter.

"Really, 'Madam Karpathia'. Manners!" said an annoyed butler angrily or as angry as Alfie ever got anyway.

"Your pardon, my good sir, I beg. However, out here everyone knows that Brucie boy's really Batman and Dickie's really Robin the Boy Blunder, I mean, Wonder. Just where d'ya think ya are, um, may I call you Alfred?" asked Her Ladyship.

"Of course, Madam. That is my name." replied Alfred.

"Finestkind, man. Do call me Gally. Everone else does. Anyway, you seem to have stumbled aboard my TARDIS. It stands for 'Time and Relative Dimensions In Space' but don't ask me to explain quantum physics. All I know is that it travels through both time and space. Looks like you and Granny Moses are with us for the long haul. Hmmn. We cannot very well take you to Gallifrey with us. I know!

"We'll drop you and Grandma off at 3WA HQ in 'Elenore City'. That's in Western 'Shimougou', man. Then you can hop the next flight to 'Victorine'. That's where Batty and Robbie are for the next year. Not to worry! As we speak, clonic replicas of them, you and the old doll next door have 'materialized' in this 'Wayne Manor' place o' yourn so that those two crybabies in Gotham will have somebody to do their jobs for 'em until you, the genuine articles return- if ever that is." chuckled Gally.

"That simply will not do at all, Madam Gally. Not at all. I am afraid that I must insist upon your returning both of us to 'Wayne Manor' at once. Turn this contraption of yours around and-" said a stern-faced Alfred Pennyworth and Gally started to giggle.

"No can do, Alfred, baby. Goes against the rules of Rassilon, man. No time jockey can ever return to the exact same time and place for a second time. Rassy's our founder- ya see? Nah, ya don't see, do ya? Well, one o' my nephews or nieces will explain it all to ya when we get ya to 'El City', pal. Kapish?" said a still giggling time lady.

"I must defer to your wishes, Madam Karpathia. Pray tell- how long will this, um, 'voyage', last?" asked Alfred, helping himself to some of Jamie's descendant's scones. They were quite delicious.

"Uh, lessee. We just left the Terran 20th Century and we're goin' to 23rd Century Shim so- that's only a hundred thousand 'lightys'- say, two days, give or take a solar hour or two." yawned his hostess.

"And what, pray tell, is a 'lighty', Miss Gally?" he asked quietly.

"Huh? Oh, that's what we call a 'light year'. The distance from the Sun to the Earth that light travels in a year. I think that is how 'Scarfy' (Doctor No. 4) explained it to me, man. Ask Leila for the details if ya really wanna know. I'm sleepy. I need to return to my catnap. Leila! Get your cute tushy out here on the double, girlie!" replied Gally, bellowing for Jamie's companion.

"Madam? You must surely be mistaken. Light travels at the rate of 186 million miles per second! It is physically impossible to exceed the speed of light!" shouted Alfred.

"Of course lightspeed's possible, you dimwit! You never heard of 'warp speeds', man?" she asked incredulously and then remembered that there was no such thing as a 'warp' in the 20th Century.

"You bellowed, Gally? What d'ya want now? Damnation! If I knew that we had guests, I'd have dressed! Pardon my kimono, mister! Well? What d'ya want, pest?" demanded the most lovely red-headed creature that Alfred had ever laid eyes upon in his long life! Had he died and gone to Heaven? Surely this Angel was not real?

"Our other guest is in Zoe's old room. Take Alfred here to Stephen's old room across the hall from her. Dinner's at 1700, Alfie. That means five o'clock, man." called Gally after the departing duo.

"Yes, Miss Gally. I do know military time, mum." he said stiffly and Leila took him firmly by the arm and guided him towards the door to the bedrooms portion of the vessel.

"Don't mind Gally, Pops. Her bark's a lot worse than her bite, man. Ya wanna check on the old lady, Alf? Sure, here ya go. Jamie gave her a couple o' 'Hydroxylein' capsules to calm her down. Here's yer room. Know how to use a 'replicator'? Just tell it what ya want and it makes it for ya. See ya at five, man. Yes, I will be wearing more than this old bathrobe at dinner, Alf." chuckled Leila and she turned to go.

"Do we, um, dress for dinner, Miss Leila? Formal attire, I mean?" asked the older gentleman and she smiled.

"Nope. Wear whatever ya wanna, man. Two more days. Um, I did hear Gally say that we're going to 'Shim', didn't I?" asked Leila. Alfred nodded and closed his door behind her.

"Curiouser and curiouser. My goodness. Everyone knows who Master Bruce and Master Dick are really? Extraordinary. Well, I could do with a bit of a rest." mumbled Alfred to himself.

"May I call you for dinner, sir?" asked a voice coming from everywhere at once!

"Who said that? Show yourself, sir." demanded Alfred, reaching for a fireplace andiron.

"I cannot do that, sir. I am Mistress Galatea's computer programming unit. You may call me 'Tod', sir." replied the voice.

"Oh, very well. You may call me at a quarter to five, um, 'Tod'. Thank you." said Alfred, yawning. It had been a tiresome day.

"Very good, sir. Pleasant dreams." replied the voice.

"I got a real strange feeling about this planet, Boss. You sure that this place is uninhabited?" asked Vash the Stampede, stuffing three more doughnuts into his mouth.

"You are such a p-i-g, pig, Vashie! Don't ya know that it ain't polite to talk with your mouth full, man?" sighed a perturbed 'Derringer' Merrill Stryfe. The 'Gunsmoke Gang' had been speedily pressed into service when the Boss had been ordered to take her flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2', to her home world of 'Workoh' in the mysterious 'Omega Quadrant'.

Nobody else had fancied trekking halfway across the known Universes in the middle of winter. When Vash and Reverend Wolfwood had heard about the trip, however, they had volunteered themselves and the 'Insurance Girls' and Legato Bluesummers for the voyage. Without bothering to tell them where they were heading until after they had lifted off from 'Elenore City', of course!

"Relax, Gunslinger Boy. I was the sole survivour there until I was ten years old, man. When I left with my 'Mugghi'- (a six and a half foot tall nekomata cat thing that the Boss had kept as a pet)- the place was deserted. We got nuttin' to worry about at all." chortled the tall red-headed Amazon Hellcat firebrand who was now the Supreme Marshall of the Aquarian Galaxy. She was making the trip without her Vice Marshall, Yuri Donovan, who was helping the colonists on 'Victorine'. Kome Sawaguchi was tooling around with the 'Outlaw Star' as a gunner's mate. Marlene Angel- newly promoted Air Marshall of Minerva- was on a mission to rescue the 'Bebops' from the 'Nighthawk's evil and villainous commander. Lord Vicious was well named indeed!

Unknown to her, however, at this very moment in time, Mar and her 'LA5' were streaking towards home- Shimougou- having rescued Jett Black, Spike Steigel, Faye Valentine and Edward Appledore along with Ein the Data Doggie from the 'Nighthawk's evil clutches. Having no authority within the Romulan/Zygon 'Neutral Zone', she had been forced to spirit away the four 'cowboys and cowgirls' and their 'Bebop' starship and make a hasty retreat back to N-Space and then turn for home.

What had become of Vicious and his cronies aboard the 'Nighthawk'? She neither knew nor did she care to stick around and find out! Her mission had been to rescue the 'Nighthawk' prisoners and that she had already accomplished. Time for them to go back home and Vicious be damned!

"I fear that I must agree with Vash, Reds. (Kei grimaced. She loathed that nickname!) Something just does not feel quite Kosher. Your pardon, Father Evergreen! I meant no disrespect to our faith, Your Eminence!" said a worried Nicholas D Wolfwood who was staring out of the ship's 'window'.

"None taken, me boyo. Madam O'Halloran, mum? Why was it necessary for both myself and Nickie to accompany you? We had several weddings planned on 'Vic', ye know?" asked Father Chapel the Evergreen, late of the 'Gung Ho Guns of Gunsmoke'. Like the other 'Guns', he too had turned over a new banna leaf and was now practicing what he preached.

"Ever hear tell of the 'Cybremen'? The Daleks? The Gundamites? Didn't think so, me boyos. We are going to 'Workoh' to seek out 'Mobile Gundam' fighting suits and to be on the lookout for more Daleks and those dreaded pests- 'Cybremen'. The 'G Boys' think tank are of the opinion that all three groups are being banded together under one banner, so to speak- headed up by our old foe. Suffice it to say- Yuck! I'm spending too much time around the Vacuumhead!- they are all bad boys and out to control the Universes, if not Time itself." explained the Commander.

"What foe, mum?" asked a yawning 'Stun Gun' Millie Thompson, the other half of Vash's 'Insurance Girls'. She had been dozing at her post. She and Merrill were two of the ship's gunners.

"That would be our old pal, 'Zygmund Davros', my friends." said the 'Leprechaun', Doctor No. 7. He'd been chosen for this mission because, of all of the other time lords and time ladies, he, alone, had tangled with all three of their opponents and their new fearless leader, Davros, on several different occasions. Mel Bush and Ace Johnston had immediately volunteered for duty and had been speedily accepted. Then they had wished that they had kept their big yaps shut! They too were gunners, but they were under the command of the new weapons officer, Colonel Regina Phillips and she brooked no interference with her orders!

"Is it too late to turn around and go back home?" asked 'Wasp Girl' Susan Stinger.

"Buck up, girl! The Doc's pulled us through tougher gigs than this one, man." Periwinkle Brown reassured the frightened teenager from the 'Big Apple' of a couple of centuries ago. Peri was the ship's 'yeoman' or record keeper and file clerk. Susan was her assistant. They had both been selected because of their familiarity with Daleks and Cybremen.

"I dunno, man. I still got a bad feelin' about this place, Reds. What a dump!" Vash adjusted his spectacles and lit a cheroot.

"I'll thank ya to keep a civil tongue in yer head when ya talk about my homeland, sir." growled the Boss. She too had a lit cheroot in her mouth. "Take us down, Saavy and don't drop our 'cloak'. These old boyos may just be right, kids." she added thoughtfully.

"Voldevort! Take us down but do not drop our 'cloak'. Better we be safe than sorry, eh? We were damned lucky to make it out of the Zone undetected. We'll lay low here for awhile- say a week- and then we'll head for 'Dariabar Six' to meet up with our new friend and benefactor." said a grim-faced Lord Vicious.

"How in the Universes did old Oakbrain ever manage to escape from the 'Matrix', milord?" asked Seamus O'Malley. This man had been loyal to Vicious ever since he had joined the 'Red Dragons of Mars' all of those many decades ago. Aboard the 'Nighthawk', he was second in command only to Vicious himself. Besides which, the pair were damned good friends.

"What d'ya think, Gael? Behind that outcropping of green rock? There's a small river there." said Voldevort, the craft's adept pilot. Seamus nodded sagely and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Well thought, my friend. We can see the enemy coming from all sides. In a pinch, we could blow that dam above the marshes and escape in the confusion. Make it so, laddie." rumbled the big Irishman.

"Shamey, make sure that you leave a few guards aboard the ship. Then take an away team and scout out the terrain once we make planetfall. The 'widow' (The 'Black Widow' was chief gunner) and her ladies can start din din while the rest of us set up camp. We still have some o' those 'building capsules' that we 'liberated' from that space rig on 'Victorine'?" chuckled Vicious who, for once, seemed to be in a good mood. He was no fun when he was in a bad mood, baby!

"Commander, sir? I sense an alien presence on the planet, sire." said Vice Controller Gyllead to his 'Cybreman' Leader.

"Where is that, Vice Controller? I sense nothing at all. However, I must defer to your superior telepathics." replied his Leader. Their 'camp' was on the opposite riverbank and directly across from Vicious's goons. Like his enemy, he had ordered the 'mantle of invisibility' drawn tightly above their whole campsite and so they too were not visible to the 'Nighthawk' crew.

"Over yonder, sire. At least twenty or thirty souls- mostly alien and human. Shall I send out a probe?" asked Gyllead, but his Leader shook his head.

"Negative. Perhaps they have merely landed to make repairs or to replenish their foodstuffs and water supplies. We will give them a few days. Our orders from Lord D were to remain hidden at all costs. Remember too that we are but five to their thirty. Has Geologist Special Officer Yaggalak found any of that 'accursed metal' yet?" asked the Commander. Gold was 'cybre death' to these 'Cybremen' and the 'G' word was never used by any of them- on pain of instant termination!

"Negative, sire. It appears that we may have erred in that respect. This does appear to be a dead world bereft of all native life forms. That subterranean city which we found was quite ancient, sire." said Lord Gyllead.

"We will remain here for three more solar days, seventy-two solar hours, Vice Controller. If, by that time, we have still not found any of the accursed metal, we shall depart from here and fly directly to that triple-sunned planet to our South and West. What is it called, Gyllead?" asked his superior officer.

"Shimougou, my lord. It is quite close to the world known as Mars in the Aquarian Galaxy, sire." replied the Vice Controller.

"You have done well, Marlene. You too, Miss Saavik. Have you explained to the 'Beboppers' the reason why they must make the trip to 'Victorine'?" said Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner.

"More to the point- have they agreed to remain here in 'Elenore City' until the next 'window' opens in a few days, Mar?" asked Aquarian Galaxy Chief Andre Francis Gooley. The 'LA5' had docked a few hours ago after a successful rescue mission and now the Air Marshall and her new Lt Commander Saavik were being debriefed at Western HQ of the 3WA by three of the 'G Boys'. Gustav and Galadriel were with the Federation Senate on Alderaan.

"Yup. They said no sweat so long as they don't have to stay on 'Vic' more'n a few weeks, man. Anyone want a drink or some nosh?" chuckled Vice Territorial Sector Chief Donald Poporo, popping the top on his sixth 'Lykorian Lager' beer container. 'Mr Popo' was to make the voyage aboard the 'Bebop' as an 'advisor' to the colonists. He was to remain on 'Vic' for three monthlets and he was as excited as a kid with a new toy. He was to use a newly renovated 'Type 88' drilling suit to help the colonists to find the precious water that they would need to survive on their new home world.

He had no idea, of course, that Ahura Gladius Mazdan, their gigantic kindly Djinn had already solved the colonists' water problems for them! The colonists knew about the water, but as Mr Mazdan had not yet revealed himself to them, they were as much in the dark as to how these major miracles had been achieved as anyone!

"Go easy on that stuff, Popo! Remember. You're the designated driver tonight." said Gooley.

"He looks more like our designated drinker, Andy. Guess one of us will be piloting us home tonight. OK. I don't have anything else for the kids. You, Andy? Popo? No? Fine. This debriefing is now over. You guys don't mind staying at the Academy again, do ya? The 'LA5' will be taking more supplies to 'Vic' when the next 'window' opens on Friday. Until then, everyone's on shore leave. Oh and do try not to get us banned from any more bars, please? Thank Kami that the Vacuumhead's on 'Vic' and the firebrand's visiting her old stomping grounds again." said Charlie Garner.

"Yeah. After all, what trouble can they get into anyway? One's on a new world and the other one's on a dead world. Here's to peace and tranquility at last." said Andy, toasting Charlie and Don. Mar and Saavy had saluted and left for the rooftop parking docks where Mar's new speeder was berthed. The rest of her crew had been dismissed as soon as they'd landed and they had been transported to various locations throughout the largest city on Shimougou.

"Whew! Man, is it ever hot, Mar! I thought that we were in the middle of winter?" grumbled Saavy, turning the resonator control of the speeder's cooling units up full blast.

"It is, dummy. Didn't ya ever hear about our global warming problems? Wait'll summer gets here. You'll freeze yer bum off." laughed Marlene, shrugging off her jacket and pulling off her heavy deck boots before getting behind the controls of her new green and yellow toy which she'd christened 'Packer Lady'.

"Whoa there, gal! You ain't goin' 'Gypsy Rose Lee' there, are ya?" giggled the Vulcan girl, taking a long swig of bottled water.

"Get real, silly. Is my hair red or purple? Whew! I think that it might be getting warmer. Get your hand clear of your gull wing door. I'm sealing the top too. Ready? Here we go. Next stop, Academia. Wagons roll!" said the grinning blonde and off they rocketed- away from the burning triple suns. The speeder ate up the aether and in another few minutes, they had touched down on the roof of one of the smaller dormitories. Mar had a permanent suite on the top floor- a penthouse no less!

When they had finally stepped into the coolness of the huge 'great room' of the suite, Saavy thought for sure that they were at New York's Grand Central Station! Mar was allowing the entire bridge crew of the 'LA5' and the four 'Beboppers' to bunk in with her and Saavy. Saavy's eyes popped when she saw Ed holding Ein out of the open window- some three thousand feet above the ground! She raced to the window just in time to get spritzed with Ein's sticky urine! Yuck!

"Edward! I told you to take that mutt outside to relieve himself, not hold him out the window!" yelled Faye Valentine who was playing poker with the 'Mayberry' newcomers- Sam Jones, Millie Swanson, Clara Edwards (No relation to Lt Nat and Trace), Howard Sprague, Goober Pyle and Emmit Clark. His wife and Alice Jones were in the kitchen cooking lunch and young Mike Jones was throwing a baseball at the unbreakable transparent windows!

"Dealer takes two. Raise ya a hundred." said Faye, holding her Skotch glass up for a refill.

"There! Gin!" yelled the pert blonde Millie.

"Millie! I told ya. We are playing poker, not Gin Rummy!" yelled Howard.

"Then I cain't go fish, Howard?" asked Goober who was wearing his 'Jughead' hat as usual.

"Call. I am certainly glad that you talked Mr Steigel out of our playing strip poker, Sam." said Clara.

"Huh? We can if ya wanna, Miz Edwards. Right, guys?" said the big guy with the metal arm, Jett Black, with a chuckle.

"No, that's all right, Mr Black, sir. Do I bid trumps or spades, Sam?" asked Millie who hadn't a clue what game they were playing.

"That's in bridge, Mill. This is poker. Gimme another beer outta the fridge, somebody. Mike! You know that ball playing is done outside! Do you want to break another window? Call." said Sam.

"Has anyone seen my underpants?" asked a completely naked and wet robot-girl whose metal tail was striking sparks from the bannister while the water was dripping off her lithe young body.

"Oh my goodness! Sam! That young lady has no clothes on!" yelped Clara.

"I thought ya said that we wasn't playin' strip poker, guys?" grumbled Spike.

"Mira Yurizaki! You know better than that, young lady! Go and put something on! Sorry, folks. Oh yeah- I fold." said Kyoma Mabuchi. These two were 'coil collectors' of stuff from someplace called 'Dimension W'!

"I told ya! I cannot find my suitcases, Kyoma!" screamed Mira, not caring in the least that she was putting on a free peep show for everyone!

"Then wear something of mine, 'Kitty Kat'. These guys are slobbering at the mouth and champing at the bit. Royal Flush." said Faye, accepting a refill of her Skotch & soda from a 'server 'droid'.

"Damn! How does she do it, Sam? I thought sure that I had her with a straight! Honey! Got any cookies out there?" yelled Emmit. He was Mayberry's 'fix it man', but when he had started beating on the 'replicators' with a rubber hammer, Neko Olson had taken it away from him and boxed his ears! Someone had suggested poker instead.

Now the whole place resembled the opening scene from 'Hunter'! Elly Mae Clampett and Daisy Duke trooped past the company wearing very daring bikini bathing suits on their way to 'catch some rays' on the roof! Whistles and catcalls followed them.

"No more than fifteen minutes, girls! Those three suns will fry you to a crisp if you stay out there any longer!" warned Auntie Beatrice Taylor. "Alfred! Are the canapes ready yet?" she called to the very proper butler.

"Coming, Madam Taylor. Has anyone seen Mrs Cooper?" replied Alfred Pennyworth. He and Auntie Harriet Cooper had been dumped off at Mar's place by Lady Galatea earlier that morning. Then Gally had returned to her Type 40 TARDIS to continue her mission to Gallifrey.

"I seen her, Mr Alfred, sir. She's in the 'star room' trying to call some place called 'Gotham City' on the telephone thing." answered Mike Jones who had stopped tossing his ball at the windows and had discovered vidgames.

"Three more days of this and I will go insane, Mar. Where's the closest tavern that we ain't been banned from yet, man?" asked Saavy who looked cooler in halter and Bermuda shorts than she had in that heavy flightsuit.

"Three blocks down Jupiter Plaza, then cut across the park to Lapis Lazulis Lane. Place is called 'Hangman's Noose'. I don't think that we've worn out our welcome there- yet. Hang on a bit. I'll get changed and go with ya. Anyone else fancy a brewski or two?" said Mar, shouting to be heard above the raucous din. Giving it up at last, she shrugged her shoulders and disappeared into her bedroom.

"OK. Let's go. Parking's lousy over at the 'Noose' this time of day. Let's 'jet' over there instead. Put these on, Saavy." said Mar, handing her friend a pair of 'jet trainer sneakers' and lacing on her own. She was wearing a light tee shirt, jeans and a windbreaker to cover her small Mark III miniblaster. As a 3WA officer, she was required to be armed at all times. She pulled on her 'Patriots' cap and handed one to Saavy.

"We won't be out too long, kiddies. Keep lunch warm for us, please." she called over her shoulder and then she and the Vulcan girl activated their 'jet shoes' and stepped out the window. The flight through the aether took less than a minute and they touched down at the portals to the saloon where their hands were both 'stamped' and 'scanned'. When the 'scanner' beeped, Mar and Saavik produced their 3WA vid ID cards and the shiny '3WA' and the ranks of 'Air Marshall' and 'Lt Comdr' made the 'greeter's eyes pop outta their sockets as he speedily led them to an empty table.

"Rank has its perks, Saavy. If the Boss was with us though, we'd get kicked out for sure." giggled Mar, tasting her icy cold white Zinfandel and nodding her approval at the 'wine 'droid' while Saavy took a swig of her 'Tres Quatro' beer.

"Let's skip lunch now that the weather's turned cooler. I wanna explore the city, man." suggested Saavy and Mar sighed.

"OK. But, remember that we're on call so we might get 'trilled' back at any time. Got it?" said Marlene, digging out her vidwallet. "This one's on me, kiddo. Garcon?" she added and a fat rotund little 'Ferengi' bustled over to them.

"Oh no, Madam Marshall. 'She' is not with you, I hope?" asked the worried alien, glancing around the bar.

"Nah, she ain't, Rudy. She's away offworld for a few weeks. So's the other one. Can't say where though. What are the damages, my friend?" laughed Mar but the Ferengi waved away her wallet.

"No charge today, Marlene. We, uh, heard how ya rescued the 'Bebop' quartet and they spend a bundle in here. Nice to see ya, Vulcan." he replied, leering at poor Saavy.

"Thanks, Rudy. Have a nice day. Bye." said Mar, pocketing her vidwallet. Then she noticed the strange look on Saavy's face.

"What's with that creep, man?" she asked. "Did ya see the way he was looking at me?" she added.

"Oh, it ain't you. He's just not used to seeing women with their clothes on yet. On 'Ferrengastan', where he hails from, only the men wear clothes. Their women are only allowed to dress if they are traveling offworld. Oh and he likes Vulcans. C'mon. Let's motor. I'm not going exploring without 'Packer Lady'. We'll 'jet' back home and see if Elly and Daisy wanna take a ride with us. Wonder what's happening back at the suite?" said Mar and Saavy's mouth dropped open.

"You'll get used to things, kid. Let's split." said Mar and they had soon reclaimed the speeder and invited the now almost 'fricaseed' bathing beauties to go for a jaunt. They had hastened downstairs to dress and now all four ladies were rocketing across the aether while Mar was pointing out the sights of 'EC' and the others were 'oohing' and 'ahhing' all over the place.

"Look at this, everyone! It looks like a huge footprint!" shouted Mr Peabody and everyone came rushing over to see what the little pest was yapping about this time. However, this time it really was something. The 'footprint' was that of a sandaled foot at least six or seven metres long and half as wide! It was right beside the new lake at the 'staging area'. About twenty feet beyond the 'lake' but on the opposite shore, Helga Schmidt and Manny Hochstetter had found an identical footprint and they seemed to be heading up the side of the big mountain behind 'Stalag 13'.

They all raced back to the huts for their weapons and then they all began tracking the 'beast'! A few miles from their campsite, the footprints ended. Then the twin suns were blotted out and although it was still late afternoon, the sky became as dark as night!

"So! You are my new neighbours, eh? I have provided for your water needs, my friends. A stream and a lake here; a new well and a river at the campsite at the foot of my mountain and a reservoir and an 'arroyo' for your wondrous new city. Incidentally, you have chosen to build your city on the exact site where 'Damagog' once stood many millennia ago.

"Your pardons I beg! I am 'Ahura Gladius Mazdan' and I am what your people call a 'Djinn'. I am the sole survivour of the once beautiful world of 'Zamarkand'. You are welcome to share my world. Up here, if you please. Pardon me! I am blotting out your twin suns! I will rest my weary self on this mountaintop. I am fatigued from my exertions upon your behalf.

"Much better. Fear me not. I have been moving amongst you invisibly so as not to alarm you unduly. Have any of you a wish or two? No, Miss Poe. I know what you are thinking and I am sorry to say that although I can become smoke at will, I do not reside in a jar, a box or a bottle and you need not rub anything to summon me forth. Come now, not even a small wish?" rumbled the giant, who was twice as tall as 'Mt Peabody' which had been christened as such because the small white doggie had been the first one to discover it.

"I sure wish that I hadn't have left my backpack in the hut, Darling. I'd love to take a video of this fellow." whispered Helga to her new husband, the former Gestapo major.

"Granted. Behold!" said Ahura, tossing her backpack to the frightened German blonde beauty who almost missed catching it.

"My right profile is my best feature, Mrs Hochstetter. Anyone else? No? Well, just think your wishes and I will grant them. No, Mr Walker, sir. There is no limit, although others of my kind may have only allowed three wishes per customer. I weary of this talk. I will return to see you tonight. No, little doggie. Your name will remain for my mountain. See? I am not dangerous. I ask only that you do not engage in warring betwixt thyselves. That was how our once beautiful world was destroyed and devastated long long agone.

"Aha! Two of your supply ships have just departed from 'Elenore City' to come here. The 'Lovely Angel 5' whose commander is the lovely blonde, Marlene Angel and the 'Bebop', whose captain is the large giant with the metal arm, Mr Jett Black. They will arrive here in three of your solar days. For now, I bid ye all adieu. Take care, my friends." rumbled Ahura and then he vanished as quickly as he had appeared!

"My word! We are sharing our new home with a 'genie'!" said Mr Peabody, adjusting his monocle and wiping his forehead.

"I prefer 'Djinn' to 'Genie', sir. 'Genie' is so effeminate, don't y'know?" said Ahura's mighty voice although the being himself remained invisible to them.

"What happened to Angie Poo, Eveie?" asked the other half of the 'Dynamite Kiss Dolls'. Blackie was sitting beside her partner in the 'shotgun' seat of the huge space rig which the girls had 'borrowed' from the 'Victorine Motor Pool'.

"She stayed behind with her Pop, Blackie. Where did ya say that ya saw that glittery cave on our way down?" growled the blonde who was trying to pilot the hige vessel over the summit of 'Mt Peabody' and she was barely clearing it.

"I dunno. I think it was back that way a few miles. I didn't know that you knew how to fly, Eveie. Think ya could learn me?" yawned the sleepy brunette. "Hold it, man! Down there- three o'clock or is that four o'clock? I wish I knew how to tell time, man! Yo! Find us a place to park! I saw that glittery stuff in that cave right down there, man!" yelled an excited Blackie.

"Teach you? I'm just wingin' it myself, Blackie. I sure hope that old dinosaur guy don't notice that this rig's missin' from his motor pool. Hey! I see it now too! Funny. I never heard of a gold mine this high up a mountainside, man. Looks wide enough and high enough for the rig. I'll put us down inside the cavern. There! Down safe and sound.

"I'll scout around to see what's what. In the meantime, you better put some clothes on, Dumbass. Ya can't go explorin' in a towel! Hmmn. Don't look like no mine I ever seen, kiddo. Pass me that laser torch from the glove box. Don't worry. I won't be long. You can set up camp for us while I'm gone. Use them 'capsules' o' Dr Brief's in the back o' the rig. Just toss 'em on the ground. OK? I'll be back afore ya know it, Honey. Wish me luck." said Eveie, shouldering her plasma rifle and igniting the laser sword 'torch'. Then she was gone.

"Good luck, Eveie. Don't get killed or nothin', man!" yelled Blackie, the echoes of her voice deafening the blonde who was already 200 metres deep in the cavern, her 'jet boots' rocketing her further and further away from her dark-haired companion.

Ten minutes later, Blackie cautiously crawled into the 'semi' portion of their rig and pulled on a flightsuit and deck boots. She slid her trusty 'katana' Samurai sword into its sheath which was strapped across her back. She slipped a 'small' Mark XII disruptor blaster into its holster and then she used her laser 'torch' to heat up a few rocks which she had found arranged in a circle.

POOF! POOF! POOF! Three unusual looking 'buildings' were now standing behind the makeshift 'campsite'. The brunette girl dusted off her pants and lit up a cigarette by pressing its tip against one of the 'hot rocks'. Eveie had taken her cigarette lighter and matches away from her when she had 'accidentally' burned down the hotel that they were crashing in back in 20th Century Terran 'Roanispur'.

Next, she arranged the two 'food rations' packets on the bed of moss which she had used to start a small fire for them. As soon as the packets were smoking, she carefully tipped them onto a 'replicated' table and poured bit of water on each and hey presto! Two steak dinners complete with all the fixings and two cans of ice cold 'Lygurian Lager' beer.

"Eve-ie! Lunch is ready, man!" she screamed at the top of her young lungs and an extraordinary thing happened. The wall disappeared and so did the light from the twin suns streaming in from outside of the cavern! Cool and calm as she always was, Blackie panicked and began blasting away at the shadows and anything else that moved- including the fire!

"That will be quite enough of that, young lady! Give that to me. Young ladies should never play with firearms- especially young ladies as beautiful as you seem to be, my dear child. Must you be so noisy? It took me ages to fall asleep and thou hast awakened me." roared a voice from the darkness.

Blackie's blaster was yanked from her grasp and she fell down flat on her bum! She yanked out 'Laurina', her trusty 'katana' and held it out in front of herself while her wild cat-like eyes raked the area illumined by the firelight and she saw- nothing!

"Show yourself, cowardly cur! Or do you gets yer jollies by scarin' poor innocent defenseless girls outta their wits, man?" yelled the 'DK Doll' angrily.

Raucous laughter filled the cavern just as Eveie came racing back to the campsite, leveling her plasma rifle and sending a blue bolt of ionic energy right at and through the thing that was slowly materializing in front of her astonished eyes! So tall was this apparition that he was forced to lower his head almost to his knees and the poor guy looked as uncomfortable as Hell!

"Please! Ladies! I beg your pardons for not revealing myself sooner! I think that I had better take this and this from thee, children. Then we will continue this discussion out of doors." roared the immense bearded giant who was wearing a dark morning suit complete with cravat, spats, white gloves and black topper! He was also carrying a 'cane' or 'walking stick' in his gloved fist only it was really a small tree!

He had plucked Black's 'katana' and Eveie's rifle from the frightened girls as easily as you might have have taken a toothpick from a young human child! The giant led the way out of the cavern and into the bright sunlights from the twin suns with the two girls following him warily. The 'Dolls' had already left the 'staging area' when Ahura Gladius Mazdan had made his debut to the other settlers.

"Hmmn. I see that you are both well-armed under your attires. However, rest assured that I will not ask you to disrobe. None of your toys can harm me in the slightest. He tossed down blaster, rifle and blade and signed for the girls to reclaim their properties which they wasted absolutely no time in doing!

"I apologize for frightening you, my children. I am a 'Djinn' and-" began the giant.

"A 'Genie'? A real live honest to Kami 'Genie'? Better not fXXX with us or we'll stick ya back in yer lamp, buster! I means it!" shouted a defiant Blackie.

"Yo! Stupid! If he is a 'Genie', he can grant wishes. He can wish us back through the time Contimuum barrier and back to good old Terra! Earth, Dumbass!" whispered Eveie to her compadre and Ahura (For of course it was he! Whom else could it be?) chuckled loudly. He didn't even admonish them for the 'Genie' insult.

"Yes, Father Ahura Gladius Mazdan can indeed grant wishes, children. However, sending you back home through the time barrier is beyond even my powers, Evelyn Jane Rockford. And I do not reside in a lamp, box, bottle or whatever else they say about us 'Djinn' in your Terran folklores, Kira Lorraine Yamaguchi. You may call me Ahura, children. Now, I imagine that you are both quite hungry? (Both girls nodded eagerly and Blackie rubbed her tummy and pointed to her open mouth! Blackie is quite baka stupid.) Have no fear. Although Miss Yamaguchi's fireworks display hath ruined your dinners, I can easily rectify matters for you. Behold! Eat and drink to thy hearts' content!" rumbled Ahura and instantly a huge table filled with goodies of all kinds appeared before the astounded girls. They were still trying to figure out how Ahura knew their full names which neither girl had ever revealed to anyone save each other!

As soon as any dish was emptied by their voracious appetites or any pitcher became dry of liquid refreshment, it was instantly filled again- like magic! Well, he is a 'Djinn', ain't he, folks?

While they ate and he drank from a drinking horn the size of a bath tub, Ahura explained his strange history to them and told them all about his new 'friends'- the colonists. Evelyn (Her father was Jim Rockford, the 20th Century California private eye. Eve had run away from home when she she was twelve.) listened attentively, fascinated by his tales. Not so Kira (This child had been trained by her grandfather in the arts of killing. He had been a mighty 'daimyo sensei' Shogunnite leader in Terran Japan until Kira had almost beheaded the poor chap! Ashamed of her lack of skills, she had packed up her goodies and 'Laurina' and left his 'dojo' for good not long thereafter.) who was bored and sleepy so she merely yawned a few times, stripped off her flightsuit and deck boots and curled up by the cavern's entrance 'au natural'. Ahura produced a blanket and pillow from the aether and tucked in the cute little minx tigress.

"By the by, Evelyn- your 'borrowing' of a rig and its contents has been discovered and the white doggie is zeroing in on your 'vidcellphone's comm relay signals. Yes, I understand, child. The pair of ye are hopelessly lost and ye have discovered that this cave is not a gold mine. Instead, ye have discovered an underground city. That city is 'Zerzura' and once upon a time, it was the shining jewel of your Terran Sahara Desert. Built by Crusaders returning from the wars to Europe, they became hopelessly lost and built this wondrous fortress city which I transported here at the behest of my people of 'Zamarkand'." explained the kindly 'Djinn' to Eveie.

"It is what you now call 'Victorine', Evelyn dear. I read minds as easily as you might read the morning 'vidpape', child. I grow weary again. Know this before I leave thee. Before the setting of yonder twin suns, your friends will arrive and take ye back to this 'staging area' as they refer to the place. I fear that your leader will be quite cross with thee and Kira. However, Allison doth a kindly heart have within her small breast and all will be well once more. Farewell, my little flowers of 'Zerzura'." said Ahura before he vanished in a cloud of smoke.

"There you are! Boy, are you guys ever in trouble, man! Dynamo almost blew a gasket when he discovered 'Teggie's rig was gone! Wake up, sleepyhead! Rise 'n shine, Sweetie!" said Ranger Jimmy Trivette, flipping the blanket off of Blackie and then doing a double take. Boy! Was his face red!

"If I were like Willy Klink, you would each get a monthlet in the 'cooler' for this escapade. However, you did discover a hidden city beneath the surface and 'Gladdy' told me that you had meant no harm so- I will overlook it- this time. Next time though-" warned a stern-faced President Poe.

"Ain't gonna be no next time, mum. And you can take that to the bank, Excellency. C'mon, Blackie. We beat that rap." said Eveie.

"Not quite, ladies. Report to the kitchens. You have KP duty for the next monthlet. That should keep you both out of mischief." said Lady Galatea. The time lady had just returned from her mission to Gallifrey and had finished her debriefing session with Allie Poe only moments before the two miscreants had returned.

"Ya means that ye're gonna let this bitch give the orders around here, Alley Cat?" demanded Blackie who'd polished off a case of 'Lygerian Lager' on the trip back to the 'staging area'. The blonde grabbed her by the arm and frog-marched her out the portals.

"Yes'm. Very fair punishment, ma'am. When will you ever learn to keep that big mouth of yours shut, Dumbass? That 'bitch' is replacing Allison as the new Gallifrey/Federation/3WA/Shimougou and Mars 'liaison officer' and she's even older'n Allie!" said Eveie, dropping her voice to a whisper when they had left the office.

"Well! Not a very bad job for a bunch of stupid colonists, man. I won't mind becoming their new king, that I certainly will not mind, Lord Karrolton. You have done well indeed- for a disgraced Councillor. You will receive your thirty pieces of silver, sir and I consider thirty billion UniCreds a bargain. After all, I am buying an entire world- for a song! Ha! Ha! Ha!" chortled a voice from the shadows outside of the President's offices.

"I still say that there is someone else here, Boss." said a worried Vash the Stampede to his Commander, Supreme Marshall O'Halloran. They had just touched down with the 'LA2' upon the surface of 'Workoh'.

"This time I gotta agree with the doughnut freak, Reds. Something strange is in the aether." said Nick Wolfwood who was sitting astride his motorcycle which had his 'Cross Box' strapped on behind the reverend.

"Perhaps a scouting expedition is in order, Madam Marshall? I sense the presence of two groups. One on either riverbank. You feel it too, don't you, Legato?" asked Father 'Chapel the Evergreen' who was fingering his 'Exorcist Special .45' holy bullets pistols.

"Unh huh. I do feel something, Excellency and it feels positively evil. May I suggest that Vash, Nick and I check out this river first?" replied Legato Bluesummers. With the exception of Vash, these men had all once been part of the 'Gung Ho Guns' gang on 'Gunsmoke' and Chapel had been Nick's mentor. Blue had been the gang's leader although he reported directly to Vash's brother, Knives. The latter was now cooling his jets on 'Seto Kaibo' where he would remain for another five centuries. The poor fool had attempted to assassinate 'Supreme Commander Madam President Solo' at Kurestan on Alderaan. The high justices had been unsympathetic to Mr Mason's pleas for leniency much to the delight of Mr Ham Burger.

"You will need spiritual guidance and my 'mercy bullets', Legato so I had better accompany you. With Madam Marshall's permission of course?" said Chapel very softly and Kei nodded curtly.

"Make it so then. Nick's in charge and no arguments, boyos. It's like 1500 (3 PM) now and I want you bozos back no later than 1700 (5 PM) and stay in touch with us. Got it?" growled the Boss firebrand Hellcat in a tone that brooked no interference.

"Understood, mum. Vash- you and Blue each pilot a skysled. Excellency, you will ride with Blue. And don't forget to 'cloak'- yourselves and your crafts. We'll rendezvous at the mouth of the river. Let's move out." ordered Nick.

"Uh, what river, Nick?" asked a confused Vash and Chapel sighed and pointed to the ribbon of silver sparkling in the pale sunlight in the distance.

With a roar from his twin ion engines, Nick and his cycle winked out of sight and off he roared. Vash was next followed by Blue and Chapel who were similarly 'cloaked' and invisible to anyone's average eyesight. Of course, 'cloaks' never worked on the Ninja Hyuugans' 'Byakagun' eyes but they were back home on 'Shim'.

"OK. Let's start a quad-scan from the North to the South and another from the East to the West. Report anything unusual to me. I'll be in my quarters. Peri, you're with me. Now- where was I, kid?" growled the Commander and Peri backscreened to the report which Kei'd been dictating for Garner.

"And so, you dirty old (expletive)(expletive) male Chauvinist pig, I demand that you send Mar and the 'LA5' to rendezvous with my flagship on 'Minerva' as soon as- That's where you stopped dictating, Boss." read out Periwinkle Brown, Kei's current yeoperson. All of her previous yeoperson personnel had put in for transfers following a mission or two with 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed'. Peri was different. She adored the Boss and admired her spunk and no nonsense attitude.

"Better omit the expletives and the male Chauvinist pig crap and change 'demand' to 'request', OK?" said Kei.

"If I may suggest, mum- 'humbly request' might put Mr Garner into a better mood and-" began Peri.

"Don't push it, Ensign. Just using 'request' sounds a lot like I'm grovelin' at his feet, don't it?" seethed the Boss, pouring out Jameson's Irish whiskies for herself and Peri who was starting to develop a taste for the stuff! Poor kid!

"I'm a Subaltern, mum. Not an Ensign anymore." corrected the Floridian 'beach bunny' and Kei grinned.

"Nothing is forever, Sweetie. Oh, forget it. I'm in a foul mood today, dammit." she replied, swallowing five fingers of hooch in one gulp! Peri sipped hers appreciatively, having learned the hard way what happens when one tres to drink like an Angel drinks! She'd been sick for a week!

"And when aren't ya in a foul mood?" said Peri under her breath. If the Boss's keen hearing had picked up on it, she gave no sign of being angry- or rather- any angrier.

"Ya know, Boss. Charlie's not gonna send yet another Air Marshall out to this Kami-forsaken world. You're just wastin' yer breath and my time." slurred Peri and then bit her tongue.

"Your time? I'm wasting YOUR time, Suba Brown? Since when does a 'yeo' offer an opinion? And- to me? Just comm relay that signal to Chuckie Boy and don't change another word of it. Understood?" snarled Kei and Peri was quaking in her sandals. "Oh and don't forget to spell 'Lattie' (Warrant One Jane Lattimer) on the scans at 1600 (4 PM)- after you send that off to Chuck Garner." added the Boss.

"Yes'm. Um, where is he these days, mum? Alderaan or Shimougou?" asked Peri.

"Shim." replied Kei, lighting a cheroot using a 'spill' from the fireplace.

"East or West?" she asked, meaning 3WA HQ in 'Furool (Foo-Lon) City' in the East or 'Elenore City' in the West.

"He's in 'EC' but his offices are at the Academy. Just ask 'Shimformation' for his address and vidcode numbers. Do I gotta do everything, Brown?" yelled Kei angrily. Must be the booze talkin'. thought Peri, making a hasty retreat. Balderdash! I sure as Hell hope that she ain't gonna insist on goin' on tomorrow's away mission to explore that underground Dalek city! Wherever Kei went, her shadow went as well. Peri and the Boss were inseparable.

"Rats! I was gonna take a nice long bubble bath tomorrow on the TARDIS and then play a few rounds of golf on the holodecks. After all, it IS my day off, isn't it?" mused Peri while she was tapping in the codes for the relay to Shimougou Central.

"Hi there. This is Suba Brown, 'LA2' here. Fine. You? Great. Listen, can ya patch me through to TSC Garner, please? He's at the Western Academy. No? He went where? Damnation! Sorry, captain. OK. I'm sending you a signal 'Eyes Only. Top Secret'. Make sure that you 'scramble' it and then comm relay it directly to Mr Garner's office. By the by, why'd he go all the way to 'Kagura', Ashley? You're kiddin'! No! Yeah, must be nice. The closest I ever get to a swanky course is the holodecks! OK. Here it comes. Got it? Good. Don't forget to 'scramble' it afore ya relay it to him. Don't muck it up, Ash. OK, but your tushie's grass if anything happens to it and- 'She' will be the lawnmower! If ya get my drift, Honey? OK. Don't bite my head off, captain. I'm just the mailgirl! OK. Bye bye, Ashley. My best to everyone there. Toodles. Brown out." said Peri and then she sat down in her quarters with a nice steamy mug of hot cocoa and mint leaves. Then the chromo chimed four times.

"Subaltern Brown. Please report to scanning immediately. You are needed. That is all." blared out the squawkbox above Peri's head. She sighed and took her mug in hand and snagged her jacket. Then she strode swiftly to the lift.

"OK, Dynamo. I'll bite. Where the Hell did ya hide the rig?" demanded Major Integra Wyngate van Helsing.

"Mon Dieu! (My God!) My crepe suzettes and streudels were on that truck, mon ami! Now they are gone!" cried a furious Louie LeBeau.

"Der streudels vere on der truck? I vill starve! Please make some more, little cockroach!" pleaded big fat Hans Schultz who was our resident glutton- especially when it came to Louie's cooking and baking.

"Never mind der damned streudels und French pancakes, Schultz! My easel and oil paints vere on dat truck!" sobbed Willy Klink. "Gruss Gott! (Good God!)!" he added while big Freddie Burkhalter tried to comfort the big crybaby.

"I do wish that you'd stop using profanity in front of my 'child', please. Especially 'that word'!" admonished Godric Northman, the ancient vampire.

"Wait a damned minute here! You're tellin' me that Will & Sonny's rig is missing, 'Teggie'?" rumbled the big Triceratops alien dinosaur 'truck push'. He tossed away his cigar butt and fired up another one of his foul smelling 'stogies' which caused Allison Poe to cough and retch. He ignored the poor time lady and threw open the sliding doors of the 'parking lot'.

Sure enough, like 'Teggie' van Helsing had been complaining, the parking dock slot assigned to her rig was empty! 'Ryuuk' and Light Yagami strolled over to see what all the commotion was about.

"Ya mean the big space rig that was in that slot, Colonel Dy?" asked the big ugly 'Shinigami death god' who was eating yet another apple.

"Hey! Slow down on them things, pal or I'll have to put ya on 'NutrySystem' or 'Weight Droppers', man." warned Light.

"Yes, the rig truck that was in that slot, Ry. Have you seen it?" asked Allie, attaching a sterile doctor's mask over her nose and mouth so that she could breathe a little easier.

"Sure thing, Miz Poe. Them two brats that came in with Miz van Helsing and Mr LeBeau flew it out this mornin' around three AM, I mean 0300 hours, mum. Why?" asked a puzzled death god, opening a new bushel basket of 'Golden Delicious' apples.

"You didn't think to ask them if they had permission from Mr Dynamo, ya big lummox?" demanded Light Yagami and 'Ryuuk' shook his huge head.

"I don't suppose that you thought to ask them where the Hell they were going, did ya, Ry?" demanded a very angry dinosaur alien. Light yanked Ry's tail viciously.

"O' course I did, Light! The brunette said they was goin' off to find a mine and the blonde asked me which way was West." explained 'Ryuuk'.

"What kind of mine, mon ami?" asked Louie curiously.

"She said a gold mine and to keep my yap shut about it. Oops! Guess I wasn't supposed to be a big blabbermouth, huh?" replied the big hulking death god.

By this time, the Texas Rangers had arrived on the scene. After all, as the soon to be law enforcement department here, they were the law on this new world. Walker had wormed the story out of Major Jeannie Huntley who was to be the new hospital's head nurse temporarily until Subaltern Dixie McCall arrived on the next transport ship.

"OK. Guess we'll have to go find 'em, folks. Jimmy- you and CD take a skysled and head West. Gage- you and Sidney take another sled and head North. Captain Hogg- you, Bo and Luke take an air car and head South. Paul and Alex- you're with me. We'll take one of the surace crafts and go East. Don't worry, guys. We'll soon find 'em. Wonder where that girl got the bright idea about a gold mine? Didn't Ahura tell us that there were no mines on this world at all?" said Brigadier Cordell Walker.

"We are talking about Eve and Blackie, aren't we? The two 'Dynamite Kiss Dolls', dearest. Those two morons would believe anything. Oh, hello there, Jed, Jethro, Granny, Ellie Mae. What are you doing here?" asked Lt Colonel Alexandra Cahill-Walker who was married to Cordell Walker.

"Seems like you folks are gettin' together a searchin' party. You'll need all the help ya kin gits. Jethro's got the Dukes's 'General Lee' racin' car and I've got Mr Stiles's Corvette sporty car so Jethro and Ellie Mae will go with Frank (Gage) and Sidney (Gage-Cooke) while Granny and me will tag along with Jimmy and Colonel Parker. The Drysdales are playin' that golf game with the Howells on the holly-deck (holodeck). Let's gits a-goin'." said Jed Clampett. Granny snorted.

"Golf huh? More'n likely it's just plain laziness, Jed. Did ya know that Mr Howell never gits up afore noon? And ya knows yerself, Jed, that Mr Drysdale never opened up that bank o' his'n back in Californy afore nine o' the clock! Wastes the whole damn mornin' they does. Here, Jethro. make yerself useful and put my ol' shootin' irons in that there automobile that Mr Stiles ain't finished buildin' yet." yelled Granny. Granny just didn't understand about convertible tops.

"Should we bring the engine truck and the rescue truck just to be on the safe side, Ranger Walker?" asked Captain Hank Stanley who was to command the new 'Victoria City Fire & Rescue Service 51' when it was built. Walker nodded and soon Chet Kelly, Mike Stokes, Marco and Henry, the fire station's pooch along with Hank, were racing off towards the West with the big hook and ladder fire engine rig. Johnny Gage and Roy deSoto's rescue truck weren't far behind them.

"Oh, I do love going for rides, don't you, Luna dear?" purred Artemis. She was sitting up on the rescue truck's console and watching through the windscreen.

"Yes, it does break up the monotony, Artemis love. Wake me when we find those two idiots, please." yawned Luna, snuggling up into a ball on Johnny's lap. Since Henry was the fire dog, Luna and Artemis had decided to become the 'rescue cats'.

"Where d'ya think we are, guys?" asked the short cute brunette in the flowered kimono. A tiny flying squirrel, her pet, popped its head up out of her cleavage which one of her duet of male traveling companions had not taken his eyes from for the last ten minutes of their journey!

"I dunno. You're the dumbass that wanted to take this road ya know? I'm starvin', man!" said the tall 'ronin' fighter wearing biker shorts and a red shirt under his dirty patched dark blue kimono. Across his back was a huge 'katana' blade while a shorter 'Kadaschi' blade was strapped to his right hip.

"From the two suns' declination, I would estimate that we are proceeding in a Southeasterly direction. As they seem to be setting in the North behind us-" observed the very tall and skinny brainiac know-it-all 'ronin' Samurai wearing a pair of old-fashioned horn-rimmed tortoise shell spectacles. By his left side rested a pair of 'katana' blades. This third companion was a true Samurai, albeit one who had killed his 'sensei' and had been ostracized from his 'dojo' or training hall school.

"Wait a minute, Jin. I don't know very damned much about star gazin' and stuff, but I do know that there ain't but one sun up there, not two!" yelled Mugen, the 'ronin' wandering self-taught 'Samurai' fighter, ticking off his objections on his fingers.

"And I know that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, Jin. What is it, Momo? Oh, it's just a flying machine of some kind. Nothing to worr- Holy shit and shinola cookies! Look up there, guys! Jin's right! There are two suns and they are both sinking into the Northern horizon!" screeched Fuu. She and her pet, Momo, were the only females in the small group of travelers.

Mugen had already yanked out his sword while Jin had grasped his own blade, preparatory to drawing it forth while Fuu had picked up a handful of small rocks for her slinging weapon. She loaded up with the first pebble and whirled it around and around and let it fly- right into Mugen's jaw!

"OW! For Kami's sake, Fuu! Aim that thing someplace else, will ya! What d'ya make of that thing up there, Jin?" yelled Mugen, but all that the Samurai could do was shake his head back and forth.

"I have, of course, heard about the aviational strides being made by the Brothers Montgolfier in France and Leonardo DaVinci's 'flying birds' in Florence, but never have I seen or heard of anything quite like that, Mugen." said Jin.

"Guys? Something tells me that we are no longer in Japan. Perhaps we are not even on Earth anymore. Don't worry, Momo. We'll protect you from the bad sky people, won't we, guys?" said Fuu.

"Speak for yerself, kid. What d'ya think, Jin? That thing looks like it's comin' down- and fast!" said Mugen.

"Discretion seems to be the better part of valour in this case, my friends." observed Jin.

"What does that mean, O wise one?" demanded Mugen.

"I think that it means that we should run like Hell, Stupid! Let's go!" screamed Fuu, turning to flee and sliding down the stony mountainous path and landing on her keester!

The huge flying 'thing' slid gently to a stop beside them and the top popped open! A big lanky 20-something guy with broad shoulders hopped out of the contraption followed by a slightly shorter dark-haired guy. They both grabbed one of Fuu's arms and yanked the frightened girl to her feet. She put down her right ankle and shrieked in pain from the twisted ankle caused by her fall. The first guy swept her up into his powerful arms and carried her to the flying vessel and gently laid her across the back seat while the other guy fished out a first aid kit and sprayed her ankle with some smelly stuff while an older heavy-set (OK, fat!) gentleman dressed in white and smoking a fat cigar, began wrapping an Ace bandage around Fuu's ankle.

Momo leaped out of her cleavage and perched herself on Fuu's shoulder. By this time, Jin and Mugen had warily approached the machine and were gingerly feeling it to make certain that it was real and not just an illusion, mirage or an hallucination brought on by the keg of 'sake' liquor that they had polished off last night!

"Ahh say thair, suhs, ma'am! Where are mah manners today? Lemme introduce mahself to ya. Ahh am Jefferson Davis Hogg, suhs, ma'am, but ya kin calls me 'Boss'. These two strappin' youngsters are the Duke boys- the medical fella here is Luke and that big strappin' laddie thair is his younger brother, Bo.

"Luke? Ya better had, um, call up Walker and tell him that we ain't found them 'Dolls' yet and we've been a-goin' South fer two hours. Tell 'im that we are bringin' in three new strangers named- (Jin made the necessary introductions all round.) Jin, Mugen and Fuu- strange names fer three nice young folks if ahh does says so meself- Fuu's got a sprained ankle and she has a lil pet mouse too. You three folks feel up to travelin'?" said the big Terran from ancient Georgia in the Southern US of A.

"Got any food, man? We ain't eaten in a few days, man!" whined Mugen.

"We ate breakfast three hours ago, sir. However, we have been unable to find water. Our throats are a bit parched, Mr Hogg." corrected Jin quietly. Fuu moaned a little and Luke held one of her hands while his brother held the other one.

"Give her some o' that thair 'snake bite remedy', boys. If she kin stomach that Japanesey 'sack-ee' stuff, a hunnert and fifty proof 'moonshine' ain't a-gonna hurts her none. You boys be a-kereful o' them thair 'pig stickers', won't ya? I don't fancy bein' sheesh-ka-bobbled, suhs! Close down the top, Bo. Luke, 'rep' 'em up some burgers and stuff and give 'em somethin' to drink too. Everyone set? Then away we go!" chortled 'Boss' Hogg, formerly of Hazzard County, Georgia.

They arrived back at the 'staging area' to the good news that Jimmy Trivette and CD Parker had found the 'DK Dolls' safe and sound along with the 'borrowed' space rig. However, as the twin suns were setting in the North already, they had decided to spend the night in Ahura's cavern.

"Young lady, you are very lucky that someone had the good sense to wrap that ankle right away. Otherwise, gangrene could have set in from that matchstick fracture that you sustained when you fell. Dix? Get a soft cast on her ankle and you'd better find her and her friends some clothes. What's that thing doing in my treatment room, Joe?" said Dr Kelly Brackett, new Chief Surgeon at the makeshift 'Victoria City Clinic'.

"Just Miss Fuu's pet, Kell. Her name's Momo. Isn't she cute?" said Dr Joe Early, petting Momo gently with his index finger. Momo was purring quietly and starting to fall asleep.

"This is no place for white mice, Joe. Get it out of here and I mean right now!" yelled Kelly.

"If she goes, I go, dammit!" screeched Fuu, trying to stand up. Her hospital gown slid to the floor revealing her perky breasts and flat tummy over her 'box'. Dixie hastily tossed a blanket across the naked girl.

"Have a heart, Kell. Momo seems to be a clean little animal. And she's a 'sugar slider' flying squirrel, not a white mouse. Didn't you have a pet when you were a kid?" asked Dixie, petting Momo's head.

"Yeah, an Airedale, not a rat! Oh, alright! You win, Miss Fuu. Momo can stay, but keep her out of mischief. A Helluva way to run a hospital! You and Momo are staying here for now. Bed rest for at least a week and no visitors until tomorrow." grumbled Dr Brackett. Then he too patted little Momo's head. Dixie tenderly tucked the small pet under Fuu's blanket. She administered an 'autohypo' of 'Axileine 15'- a sedative- to the girl and switched off the illuminators when Fuu's eyes closed and the young girl drifted off to sleep.

"A good thing that Luke had the good sense to immobilize that leg, Joe. All of that bumping around in Boss's 'air car' could have caused a real fracture or worse. Where are the other two?" asked Kelly.

"Mugen's having dinner and Jin's with Allie in her office. Kell? How did they get here? Garner confirmed that there are no rifts in the Continuum and they sure as Hell didn't hitch a TARDIS ride. They seem to hail from 17th Century Japan on Earth. According to Jin, they never even noticed the transition until they noticed the twin suns above them and saw the 'air car' flying overhead. So how'd they get here I wonder?" asked the blonde head nurse, lighting a cigarette for herself and Kelly.

"That's what I'd like to know, Dix. Maybe one of our time jockeys will know. Who's on duty tonight?" replied the doctor.

"Sookie Northman and Flossie." answered Dixie McCall.

"Have 'em check on Miss Fuu every hour. I don't want her getting out of bed. Better tell Mike (Dr Morton) too." said Kelly.

"It seems, Mr Jin, that you and Fuu and Mugen passed through a 'temporal vortex' which was why you never noticed the transition. These vortexes open every so often in the time barrier wall, but, unlike a true rift or hole, they close up again almost immediately so there is no danger of upsetting the Universes' status quo. I must say that grey pinstripe suit really makes you look quite handsome, sir." said Allison Poe to her guest. She poured out more tea for them and Jin smiled at the 'young' time lady.

"May I ask you a question, Madam President?" asked Jin and she nodded.

"Where exactly are we and what is the year?" he asked, sipping his tea.

"This is the newly terraformed planet that we call 'Victorine'. We have only just begun colonizing it. The year is AD 2260 in the 23rd Century and, if I may anticipate your next question, sir- this will be your new home from now on. To quote Thomas Wolfe- 'You cannot go home again'. Now, as to what we will do with you? Temporarily, I have assigned you rooms in this building. Each room is equipped with a 'replicator'. Pretty simple to operate. Simply tell it what you want and it will be made for you. Your friend, Mr Mugen, has already availed himself of his 'repper' and he is- I believe the Terran term is 'pigging out'- in his rooms. You have a suite of rooms next door to his and I have assigned the suite on the other side of yours to Miss Fuu. Here are your vidkeys and vidcodes. Someone will teach you how to use them. Now, I'd better have you taken to your rooms. I have such a mass of vidpapes to go through before tomorrow and my yeoperson is indisposed. (Too much celebrating at her birthday party last night!) Please send Lancer Williamson to my office. Thank you. Any other questions, Mr Jin?" explained Allison and he shook his head.

"Lancer Williamson reporting as ordered, mum." announced Thelma Ariel Williamson, snapping to attention and giving her superior the 'Galactic Salute', right fist striking left breast.

"At ease, Thelma. This is Mr Jin. Please escort him to Suite 107 and demonstrate how his vidkeys and vidcodes operate. You might coach him in the usage of his 'repper' as well. Thank you. Have a pleasant stay, Mr Jin. Thelma will come at 1700 hours- 5 PM- to escort you to dinner. Attire is casual and you will find ample wardobes in your rooms, sir. Good day." said the always efficient time lady.

"Very good, mum! Please come with me, sir." she replied, clicking her bootheels together, snapping to attention and saluting her superior. Then she took Jin's arm and led him down the long hallway to a portal marked '107' where she carefully explained to him the workings of the portal release systems until she was certain sure that he understood it.

"One more thing, sir. Your 'comm badge', 'wristchromo' and 'Mark XIII' ion cannon weapon, sir. Speak into the aether and your badge will comm relay your voice to whomsoever you are thinking about. The 'wristchromo' operates the same as a Terran wristwatch, but it also contains a computer, calculator, alarm, calendar and it is luminous as well. This is a hand held 'Mark XIII' ion cannon. Loads thusly with a 'power pack' cartridge and is capable of firing an ionic blast that can incapacitate, paralyze or kill your opponent. I will demonstrate." said the efficient NCO girl, aiming the 'gun' at the ceiling which was also the quonset hut's roof.

ZAPP! A small hole the size of a dinner plate was burned through Jin's ceiling and dark starlight streamed through it. The scorched smell permeated the room until Thelma activated the 'aether cleansers'. A 'repairs 'droid' popped out and speedily patched the hole in the ceiling and roof. To say that Jin was impressed would have been an understatement! He was scared out of his wits!

"That was its lowest setting, sir. I advise you to keep it set on either 'low' or 'stun', sir. No questions, sir? Then I will return at 1645 hours to escort you to dinner unless you wish to 'rep up' your own? (Jin shook his head.) Until then, sir." said Thelma, saluting him. He waved back and she was gone.

Jin tapped on the communicating bulkhead wall and there was no answering knock. "That must be Fuu's side." he mused and crossed the room to tap on the other wall.

"Yeah? Who's there and what d'ya want, man?" called Mugen's voice.

"It's me. Jin. Fuu's still in hospital. Doctor's holding her a week for observation. Dinner's at 5. Going?" replied Jin.

"Hell yeah, I'm goin', pal. A cute green-haired babe's comin' fer me at a quarter to 5. You goin'?" asked Mugen.

"Of course. This surely seems to be a much better place than the Japan we came from, doesn't it?" said Jin softly. "Did they tell you that this is 'home' from now on?" he added.

"Who cares? Waited on hand and foot. Good lookin' chicks at my beck and call. What ain't ta like, man? Coolest duds, too. See ya at din din." said Mugen.

"Hmmn. Thelma said that most everyone wears these 'flight suit' things so- when in Rome eh." mused Jin, removing his pinstriped finery and donning a black and silver flight suit and soft doeskin boots. He had showered as soon as his escort had left him alone. Mugen had hunted in vain for a bath tub and had finally asked the machine thing for one and it had appeared in the bath room, filled with soapy sweet scented flowers. He had luxuriated in the warm water for a whole half hour before he too had stood in the 'drying alcove' and then dressed himself in a flight suit identical to Jin's. However, boots were not for him. Instead, he had 'repped up' a new pair of wooden sandals.

While he awaited his dinner escort, Mugen amused himself with his new 'toy' by shooting holes in the walls and watching the 'repairs 'droid' fix them. Jin had discovered a 'vidtextbook' entitled 'History of Shimougou' and was reading it carefully. Madam Poe had told him that most of the 'colonists' had originated on this faroff world in a place called 'Elenore City' and he was curious to see how these folks differed from those of his own world of Earth which they called Terra.

Sharp at a quarter to 5, Thelma pulled both guys' klaxons and escorted them to dinner. No longer in uniform, the pert blonde was wearing a dark green pantsuit over a pale green turtleneck. She wore green/white sneakers on her feet. She stared at Mugen and Jin and then shrugged her shoulders.

"Nobody told ya that ya can wear whatever ya wanna, huh guys? I thought for sure that I had told ya that, man. Oh well, heres our dining hall. She threw open the double portals as she spoke and Jin and Mugen stared in shock and amazement. The 'hall' was bigger than the dining room at 'Edo Castle'! They found seats at a table with the Clampetts and the Dukes and Boss Hogg.

"Better than the 'pigs' table', I suppose." sighed their blonde escort. Jin and Mugen forebore asking her to elabourate. Mugen looked around and smelled the delicious odours in the room's aether. Jin politely asked Thelma where the menu was. A cute kid wearing a waitress's outfit complete with a lacey white cap atop her blonde curls jetted over to their table and braked her 'jet boots' to a screeching halt between Mugen and Jin.

"What can I get for you guys?" asked Mira, the 'coil collector' robot girl.

"Just bring us a menu, please. Thank you, miss." said Jin. Thelma used her napkin to hide her giggling while Mugen began pulling on Mira's electrical cord tail until she whirled around and smacked his face.

"And don't try yankin' my skirt off either, mister! Sheesh! I get all the freaks, man! No menu, sir. Just order it and we'll make it for ya. Hurry up. We're short-handed today so please give me your orders. I'm comin'! Hold yer horseys, man! The usual, Thelma? You'll have the same, sirs? Great. Be right back and, sir, you can either move that hand or lose it, pal!" yipped Mira.

Dinner was much more than they had ever expected it to be and after dinner, Thelma suggested a stroll by the new lake. Jin was willing, but Mugen's eyes were on the big red-headed Colonel Revy Roberts. The stroll was very pleasant and Jin kissed Thelma in the light of several moons before they adjourned to an empty hut and, well- you know, right?

"What happened to you, Mugen? Get drunk as a skunk and walk into another door?" chuckled a grinning Jin. Jin never grinned- as a rule! Mugen was sporting a real 'shiner'- a black eye! Jin 'repped up' a piece of raw steak and taped it to Mugen's injured optic while Mugen explained that 'that big damned redhead hits like a trooper!' Jin looked at him and grinned.

"OK! I followed the lady into her hut. She'd been winkin' at me and I thought it was the 'come hither' look. It wasn't! When I grabbed her and kissed her, she belted me one! Then she told me that she had something in her eye. When I tried to help her to remove it, my hand accidentally slipped down to her belt buckle and- POW! That was when she gave me this 'shiner'!" whimpered the poor 'ronin' fighter who was still in pain.

"You mean that you went after Colonel Roberts? After what Dynamo told us about the lady? You got a death wish or something, Mugen?" laughed Jin. Then he told him all about his evening with his voluptuous blonde bombshell. They finished off the night by splitting a magnum of champagne.

"Hey! What's that stickin' outta yer pocket, man? That pink thing I mean." asked Mugen and Jin pulled out a pair of ladies' pink thong panties!

"Cool! You got a trophy, Jin! Let's show the guys!" yelled Mugen, making a grab for the pink silken underdrawers. Jin was quicker and snatched them back.

"I will return them to Thelma in the morning. Can't think how they got there. Oh- yes, I do. She didn't want to get them all dusty so she stuck them in my flight suit's pocket. I hope that she doesn't catch a chill tonight. Well? Why shouldn't I have a little fun as well as you, lecherous one? No harm done, is there?" said Jin, pocketing his lady's favour and tossing the empty champagne bottle down the recycling chute before he went back to his own rooms.

In the morning, both Mugen and Jin were rousted out of their bunks at 0600 hours- 6 AM. Jin and his friend opened their portals to find, not Thelma Williamson, but a tall statuesque brunette standing there.

"Gentlemen? Name's Kresh, Lt Anastasia Kresh. I'm OD- officer of the day. Would you guys please dress and accompany me to the Commander-In-Chief's office? She wants to speak with the both of ya. I'll wait in the hall for you." said the vivacious 'Agrarian' female wearing full battle dress. A brace of wicked looking ion cannons were strapped to her hips. The guys dressed hurriedly and followed Ana Kresh to the big office at the end of the long hallway.

"OK. I can take a joke as well as the next girl, gentlemen. However, you have gone too far, sirs. I did not invite you to sit, Mr Mugen. Now- which one of you had the date with Lancer Williamson? You remember her, do you not? Thelma Ariel Williamson?" demanded a furious Allison Poe, who had not yet changed out of her pajamas and dressing gown. Jin raised his hand and cleared his throat.

"I did, madam. Surely Miss Williamson is past the age of consent? However, if your customs are not the same as ours, I humbly apologize. I left her late last evening at the, um, hut that was our trysting place last night. In fact, I was on my way over to see her this morning before breakfast, madam." explained Jin.

"Wait a moment. What is that in your pocket, sir? I say! These are certainly not yours nor are they Mr Mugen's, sir! Look, Alley Cat! These are Thelma's! See? Her name is stitched inside the waistband, mum! OK! (She drew one of her cannons and rammed it into Jin's back!) Where is she? I am not kiddin', fella! Where's Thelma?" snarled Lt Kresh angrily. Suddenly, both of Allison's fists crashed down on her desktop.

"That will be quite enough of that, lieutenant! We are civilized here even if this planet has yet to be fully colonized. Am I to understand, Mr Jin, that you did not know that Thelma Williamson has dsappeared? That she failed to report in to Lt Kresh, the 'officer of the day'? Then I take it that you have no idea where she might be, sir?" demanded the new President of Victorine.

"As the good Kami is my witness, Madam Poe, I know nothing of her disappearance nor have I the slightest idea where she might be, madam. I left her at our trysting hut and I went back to my rooms. Mugen can confirm the truth and veracity of my statements. I wanted to see her back to her own hut, but she told me that she might get into trouble for staying out past curfew so I left first. I swear that I thought that she'd be right behind me, madam." said Jin earnestly.

"If ya mean, was Jin and me together last night after midnight, the answer is yeah. We was together until almost three. We done now? I'm hungry." fumed Mugen.

"Has the hut been searched yet, Kresh?" asked her superior.

"It's the empty one behind the big warehouse by the motor carriages, madam." supplied Jin.

"I searched that one myself, madam." admitted Kresh.

"And-" prompted Mugen impatiently.

"All that I found in there were the rest of her clothes. Pantsuit, turtleneck, sneakers, socks and brasierre. You recognize this clothing, Mr Jin?" asked the lieutenant and Jin nodded.

"Yes, miss. That's what she was wearing at dinner last night. She was still in the bunk when I left the hut though. Apparently, something must have happened to her after I left her, Madam President." replied Jin. He and Mugen began worrying. They well knew what could happen to a girl late at night back in Japan. Was this place any different?

"No! That's not the right girl, you blithering idiots!" screeched Zorin Oakenshield when his minions dragged in a tearful naked Thelma Williamson and tossed the manacled and force-beam cuffed girl roughly at his feet.

"She's a blonde, ain't she Oakie?" asked DeJoliet, Zorin's number one officer. "Where did you find her, Peterson?" he added.

"In the hut beside the motor pool, sir. Right where you told us that Air Marshall Angel would be staying, sir. We waited for her boyfriend to finish their bit o' nooky first and then we grabbed her. Now ya say that she ain't the right one, man?" replied John Peterson who had been sent to kidnap the svelte blonde Commander of the 'Lovely Angel 5' starship. This was the female 3WA Commander who had nabbed Zorin back in '57 and Zorin had sworn vengeance on her.

"Oh for the love of kitty cats, you can see that this squalling brat cannot possibly be a starship commander! I doubt if she is even intelligent enough to be an officer! Are you, my precious child?" purred 'Catwoman', who was sharpening her claws on a piece of sandpaper. "By the way, Oakbrain- if you're going to keep her here,you might as well give her something to wear. The pretty kitten will catch cold." she added.

"Williamson, Thelma Ariel. Lancer Third Class, 3WA. VidID number XX3778042378821. DOB 14 JunJul AD 2242. That is my name, ranking, service number and date of birth, sirs. That is all that I am required to reveal to you under Section 6, Subsector XX-7, Paragraph 168 of the 'Galactic Law Codes'. Do what you will with me, sirs. I will not tell you anything!" sobbed Thelma.

"Like the pretty kitten knows anything useful, Oakbrain. Oh, let me cover her indecency at least." hissed 'Catwoman'.

"Oh, alright. Get her into some of your clothes, Cat. (Zorin turned to Peterson again.) Tell me that you at least saw Marlene Angel's 'LA5' docked somewhere." snapped their leader angrily.

"Yeah, we seen it, boss. It was under triple guard, man. I felt that was a lil bit ridiculous given that this is a new planet." drawled Tom Jorgenson. This old trooper had served with the infamous Khan aboard the 'Botany Bay' and had been part of Khan's ill-fated first crew when they were picked up by the 'USS Enterprise'.

"Then Angel could very well still be aboard the 'LA5'? Isn't that so, Tom?" asked an excited Zorin Oakenshield.

"Seems that way, boss. Can't be sure though. Want that we should try again?" asked Tom, but ZO was poring over a hastily scrawled map of the other side of Mt Peabody.

"Isn't she just purr-fect now that she is dressed like the cat's pajamas?" hissed 'Catwoman', ushering Thelma Williamson back onto the bridge. The embarrassed blonde was wearing a black latex 'catsuit' complete with ears, whiskers and fluffy tail! You could tell that the poor girl was not happy in her new finery at all!

"You'd best send her back, boss, before they send out a search party to find her." suggested DeJoliet quietly. Without looking up from his vidcharts, Zorin signed for him to carry on. "Peterson, Jorgenson. Take Miss Williamson back to the encampment where you found her. Wait! Blindfold her first. We don't need the 3WA blundering into our little hideout here, do we? My apologies, my dear girl, but it is necessary." apologized deJoliet.

"You may keep the 'kitty jumpsuit', my sweet little tabby. It looks absolutely purrr-fect on you. I wonder if I have one to fit Miss Angel? Oh, Peterson? Try not to muck it up this time. Zorry wants Air Marshall Marlene Angel. Bring the cat back this time, not the kit!" hissed 'Catwoman' angrily.

Tom Jorgenson blindfolded the terrified girl while John Peterson placed forced-beam cuffs around her trembling wrists. Then deJoliet carefully guided Thelma onto the small skysled and snapped the top down tightly. Tom fired up the engines, hit 'silent mode' and quietly lifted off with nary a whisper to betray their presence. The trip back to the 'staging area' took less than ten minutes.

Suddenly, Thelma felt herself gently lifted and carried. She heard the shoosh sound of a portal sliding open and then she was set down gently on a bunk. While Tom removed her blindfold, John unlatched her cuffs. She tried to scowl at them, but all that she could manage was a wan smile. After all, they had treated her well and it was that 'Zorro' guy that had ordered her snatching, not John or Tom or even Mr deJoliet.

"Again, allow me to offer my apologies for your rough treatment, miss." said Tom.

"And I would not advise your friends to come looking for the 'Starmauler' either. I-" said John.

"Peterson! Why don't ya just tell her the rest o' our plans while you're at it, blabbermouth?" scolded Jorgenson.

"Sorry. I didn't think, Tom." replied a chastised Peterson.

"However, John is right, young lady. Don't try to find our camp if you know what's good for ya. Been a pleasure making your acquaintance, my child." said Tom. Then they both kissed her forehead, locked the portal behind them and left her alone in the hut where she and Jin had 'trysted' last night.

Now that her terrible ordeal was over, Thelma did what any other frightened girl would have done. First, she banged on the portal which remained sealed. Then she threw herself down on the bunk and wailed and sobbed like a baby! An hour later, she remembered that she still had her comlink earrings. Of course, her wristchromo, 'morphing' bracelet, crucifix necklace (Thelma was one of the few Catholics on 'Victorine') and comm badge had been taken from her as soon as she'd been taken before that horrid Zorro Oak-something guy!

"Uh, can anyone hear me, man? This is Lancer Williamson. I'm in a quonset hut and I'm locked in. Can anyone hear me? Over." she said into the aether.

"Yeah. I can hear ya, Thel. It's me. Andy? Andy Carter? From 'Stalag 13'? Remember? We met at the debriefing session last week. Are ya in the hut that you and Jin used last night, Honey? Over." trilled the former USAAC sergeant.

"Affirmative, Andy. It looks like the portal's latches have been fused. I can't get out. Andy? Hullo? Hullo? Dammit! I knew that I should've replaced that mini-power pack last week! If you can hear me, Andy, send help! Over." yelled Thelma. Dead aether was her answer.

"Damn and blast! Power's gone! Great! Nothing in here to use for a tool and no weapons either! Take that, door! Ouch!" screeched Thelma when she launched a kick at the Kelvinite portal which hurt like Hell!

"OW! Darned old 'Catwoman'! At least, she could have given me some boots or shoes instead of these slippers! Help!" screamed the girl, beating on the portal with gloved fists.

"Simmer down in there, Thelma! We'll have ya outta there in a few more minutes." said Ranger Walker.

"Make sure you're decent, Honey." chuckled Ranger Jimmy Trivette.

"Just about there, Rangers. Just a few more crossover wires to go." said Rock Obajime, Revy Roberts's 'Black Lagoon' partner from ancient Terra's Roanispur.

Suddenly, the portal shooshed aside and Thelma rushed out and right into Cordell's arms.

"Easy there, kiddo! I'm a married man, ya know?" laughed the bearded Ranger. "Where on Earth did ya get that get-up, Honey?" added Walker.

"Yeah, ya look just like-" began Jimmy.

"Please don't say it, Mr T. The 'Catwoman', right? Guess who's here with Mr Oak Tree and his pals?" said Thelma. "I was aboard the 'Starmauler' and-" she added.

"Did you say the 'Starmauler'? Garner comm relayed us that somebody swiped that ship from our base on 'Minerva'! Oak Tree? Kee-Rist! You couldn't mean Oakenshield? 'Zorin Oakenshield'? And 'Catwoman's with him too?" rumbled Dynamo.

"Yeah, I think Tom said his name was 'Zorro' or something, man. Why?" asked the puzzled Lancer girl.

"Because he must be here to rendezvous with Lord Vicious, that's why, my child." explained Allison, wrapping the shivering girl in a fur cloak and leading her towards the big hut where a belated dinner awaited her.

An hour later and back in uniform, Lancer Williamson was being debriefed by Commander-in-Chief Poe about her harrowing ordeal. According to her story, after Jin had left her alone in the hut (To preserve her dignity. Ladies did not sleep with gentlemen they had only just met! At least, that was how Jin explained it!), she had just started to dress when a rag was pressed across her mouth and nose and as the sickly sweet smell permeated her sinuses, she felt herself being gently carried while some kind of blindfold was tied across her eyes.

When she awakened (No idea when but it had to have been at least an hour later because the twin suns had both set and there were stars above her.), she seemed to be aboard some kind of vessel and poor Thelma was shackled and force-beam cuffed! She was also still completely naked. A bright-eyed teenaged girl a little younger than Thelma and dressed in a black uniform brought her supper in on a tray and then vanished without a word.

"I remembered my training and I didn't eat or drink anything, mum. I was thirsty and there was a small basin with taps. I drank some water and then I began to try and escape. The room was barren of anything save a mattress, a chair and a toilet. The silverware was made of soft plastic as were the plate and cup. I could find nothing metallic at all so shorting out the door's circuits was impossible. I was just about to start on the low ceiling fixture which I could just reach by standing on the chair on tiptoes when an older woman arrived wearing a nurse's scrubs.

"This lady told me that her name was 'Grendel' and that she was a nurse. She injected me with an autohypo and left. It must have been a sedative of some sort because when I came to, I was lying on the floor, still the same way I was when the stork brought me home. The mattress was still there, but the chair was gone and so was the light fixture in the ceiling. A soft glow emanated from the walls so I wasn't in the dark. My food tray had been removed as well.

"I dunno when it was that two big guys came in and told me to get up. My ankles must have been asleep because it was like trying to stand on pins and needles! The one guy told the other one to be careful with me and then they half carried/half dragged me out of the room and down several corridors and stairs. Finally, we rode a lift car up a few floors and I was brought before their leader.

"He was a short dumpy man and he had a cute mustache- guess that's why I got Zorin confused with Zorro. Remembering what I'd been taught, mum, I gave my name, rank, vid ID number and my date of birth- and nothing else. That was when I found out that they hadn't been after me at all, mum! Mr Oak whatever was really after an Air Marshall, someone named Angel! Then there was quite a bit of discussion about what was to be done with me.

"This 'Catwoman' lady insisted on my being properly clothed first and she stuck me into one of her 'kitty cat' outfits. Then I was again bound, gagged and blindfolded. I was again carried somewhere and we lifted off- I heard the whine of engines. They brought me back here and untied me, took off my gag and blindfold and left me in that hut. As an extra precaution, they fused the latches after they had sealed me in. Then Mr Walker came and- you know the rest, mum.

"Oh and one of 'em let it slip that I'd been aboard the 'Starmauler'. There were a lot of rocks we flew over because Tom kept cautioning John not to crash into the mountains during the trip back here. They seemed to be waiting for somebody coming with a 'night hawk' which made no sense at all, mum. Goodness! It's almost 1800 hours (6 PM), mum! I'm due on duty at six!" said Thelma. She made to get up, but Dynamo's strong arms held her in her chair.

"Take the rest of the night off, child and all day tomorrow as well. And make sure that these are on your shoulderboards when you report to your OD Friday at 0700. You are dismissed, Warrant Three Williamson. Get some sleep, girl." cooed Allison Poe. Thelma's eyes were as big as saucers when she looked at the blue warrant officer- third class 'stripes' in her hand.

"Yes, mum. Thank you very much, mum. Oh and whom will be Friday's OD (Officer of the Day), mum?" she asked.

"That'll be you, dear girl. So- report to my office Friday morning at seven- in proper uniform, Miss Williamson." said the small white doggie who was the base's logistics and strategies officer- Colonel Peabody! Thelma saluted and left. As soon as she was out of sight of the command centre hut, she whooped for joy and ran all the way back to her quarters to show the other ratings her new 'stripes' and tease them- just a little!

"My lord! She is here! The spitfire Amazon! I was gathering firewood on the other side of the mountain and I saw her flagship! Just for an instant and then she 'cloaked'! It won't be possible for us to remain here for a week! We-" shouted Voldevort excitedly when he had rushed back into the campsite beside the 'Nighthawk'.

"Damnation! Fire and brimstone! Raven's on 'Minerva'! So that's out too, Lord Vicious!" growled O'Malley angrily.

"Widow! Any word from Zorin yet?" called Vicious over his shoulder to 'Black Widow' who was operating an extension comm relay set which was tied into the ship's main comm systems.

"The fool's on 'Victorine', Vicious. He's after that blonde bimbo, Angel. She's an Air Marshall now, don't ya know." replied the Widow.

"Catwoman's with him too. Jordan just trilled me. They kidnapped the wrong bimbo! Know what he did then, man? He sent Tommy and John Peterson to take her back where they found her- in the 3WA's 'staging area'! That means that we can't rendezvous with Oakbrain on 'Vic'." grumbled Lady Ranee.

"Kagura is too bloody close to Shimougou and Mars. Unless we wanna tangle with the ISSP and the 3WA not to mention KASP and the IGSC! A pretty pickle we are in, my lord!" whined Ming the Merciless, who was a bigger crybaby than Prince John!

"Dammit all! This bloody planet was perfect! Why the Hell'd Reds have to show up here- of all places? Did anyone see you, Vol?" snapped Vicious, causing his pilot to jump up nervously.

"No. At least, I didn't see anyone, sire. However-" stalled the former headmaster of Hogwarts Academy.

"Out with it, man!" ordered the Ranee.

"Across the river there is an encampment of- of- what looked like 'Cybremen'! There isn't any gold on 'Workoh', is there?" stammered Voldevort shakily. Gold was the only thing that could destroy 'Cybremen'. Sorta like Superman and Kryptonite.

"Wunnerful! Got any more good news, Volly?" demanded Alicia Adams aka 'Panther Girl' who was fingering her daggers.

"I did notice that the 'Lovely Angel 2' had just launched something and it was heading this way." admitted Voldevort.

"A probe!? That tears it, man! Me and my TARDIS are outta here, V! We ain't got anywhere near the firepower to take on that flagship and the Cybre creeps! Anyone wanna come along?" seethed Lady Ranee who was sitting beside her 'Poseidon statue' Type 40 traveling machine.

"Cool it! And that's an order! We're 'cloaked' so let's just get all o' this junk packed up and get everyone back aboard! As far as leaving this planet goes, we haven't got a prayer, baby! The 'Cybremen' and Her Nibs would spot our vapour trail in an instant. Let's just see why 'She' is here, shall we? It doesn't appear that 'She' knows about us. 'She' may know about the metal freaks, but not us. A probe launch means that 'She's looking for something else and it ain't us. If we have to, we'll submerge in the lake and just wait her out- and those metallic meatheads too. OK! Strike camp! Everyone pitch in and help. That means you as well, Ming. I wish that Khan was with us." snarled Vicious, dumping his java on the fire.

"Where is he anyway, my lord?" asked O'Malley, carrying five tents at once back aboard the ship.

"He's at Kurestan by now. Oakbrain sent him after something that the Senate is guarding. You know as much as I do now, my friend. Careful, Orgok! That comm relay equipment is delicate. Hurry up, gang! The suns are setting and it'll soon be dark. But that probe doesn't need light to find us. Let's move it!" growled their leader and in a twinkling, everything had been stowed aboard and the 'hot stones' tossed in the lake along with the remains of their fire. 'Panther Girl' and the Ranee scattered brush and leaves to conceal any traces that they might have left behind them.

"I sure as Hell hope that 'She' doesn't have that half Indian Ranger with her. Walker could track us all the way to Gybipp!" said the Ranee, manipulating her TARDIS 'statue' back aboard the 'Nighthawk'.

"Ranger guy with the beard ya mean? He's not there, milady. Tom, there's no way that Miss Williamson can find her way back here, is there?" asked Voldevort anxiously.

"Nah. We had her blindfolded and the sled was sound-proof. She did see our campsite for a few seconds though and the mountains behind us, but only for a few seconds before we blindfolded her." replied John Peterson, hoisting a box of kitchen utensils onto his shoulder and striding towards the 'Nighthawk'.

"I defy even Ranger Walker to find us here, milord." chuckled Tom Jordan.

"Especially since we are not going to be staying here much longer. Are we, pet?" purred 'Catwoman' sweetly and stroking Lord Vicious's arm with her claws before he yanked his arm away from her.

"I told you not to call me that anymore, Cat! Our relationship is all business now and nothing else! Got that?" snarled the tall dark-haired gang leader angrily. "It's high time for us to head for 'Minerva' anyway. Saddle up, everyone! We are leaving this world in ten minutes. Be aboard by then or I'll leave yer arses behind! Now, get a move on yer bums!" ordered the impatient Vicious.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the huge mountain, Kei and her away team had returned from their exploration of the ancient underground Dalek city and they had found nothing new there.

"Damnation! That was a bloody waste o' time, Saavy! Not even booby-trapped and with good reason! Nothing left in the damned city! Sure looks like one o' 'Workoh's moons may have been the Daleks' original home world. OK- so we tried. Now, we'd best head for 'Vic' to help the new colonists. What's wrong with you, 'Kadara'?" growled the Boss when the 'young' time lady came racing over to her with a vidsignal clutched in her fist.

"Bad news, man! One o' our lancer girls has been kidnapped from 'Victorine', mum! And she was taken away 'sans clothing', my dear child!" shouted 'Kadara' whose actual age was closer to a millennium. She was a Gallifreyan after all!

"I am NOT 'your dear child', Sub-Lieutenant Greystokes! I don't insist on military courtesy, but I am a grown woman same as you, 'Kaddy'! Good grief! Now what? Here comes 'LeAnna' and she's got a vidsignal too. Over here, Lee!" grumbled Kei.

"Your pardon, mum! This just came over the aether wires! It seemed to be important so I took the liberty of decoding it for ya." said the short plump blonde 'Beta Zoid' whose native world was 'Bjorn'. No need to ask how she just 'happened' to know a top secret code either. Kei's memory was phenomenal and she never wrote anything down on paper, parchment or even on her PDO! All of it went into her fantastic brain!

And 'Beta Zoids' are notorious for reading minds like we might read a newspape or vidnovel!

"Hmmn. Uhn huh. Yeah. OK. That tears it. We are going to 'Victorine' right away. Make the 'LA2' ready to go, Saavy. Lancer Thelma Williamson has just turned up back there where she was snatched from- safe and sound- and- wearin' a 'catsuit'. We all know what that means!" snarled the Boss, grinding both vidsignals beneath her boot heel.

"Unh unh. What?" asked LeAnna innocently.

"Even I know that answer, Lee. It means that the 'Catwoman' has teamed up with Lord Vicious! I wonder where the Dickens he is though?" replied 'Kadara Greystokes'. Kei laughed aloud.

"Vicious? He's camped in a small ravine on the other side of that mountain. He's no more than a few kilometres from here. I too have 'mind send' abilities, 'Kaddy', even though they are not as pronounced as yours. Remember- this world was my home until I was ten!" chortled the redhead.

"Then why ain't we goin' after him, Reds?" demanded Vash the Stampede.

"Because that is not my mission, Doughnut Boy. My mission was to explore that strange subterranean city and report back to 3WA HQ any findings or discoveries that we made. I was also told that if, in my own judgment, 'Workoh' posed no threat to the Federation, to immediately make my way to 'Victorine' to assist the new colonists in any way that I can. Those were Garner's orders and Uncle Chuckie was relaying orders from 'God' himself- Uncle Vito Galadriel! I might disobey Charlie Garner's orders or Andy Gooley's or even Willy Gustav's- I will never ever disobey a 'royal command' from the 'God of the 3WA' and 'United Galactica Federation of Galaxies'! I may be crazy, but stupid I ain't! Savvy, I wanna lift off within the hour. Somehow I suspect that Vicious's destination may be the same as ours. Let's go, ladies and gents! I wanna be well clear o' the 'Omega Quad' by suppertime! Make it so!" commanded the tall redheaded Amazon firebrand Hellcat whose very name invoked fear in grown persons throughout a dozen galaxies!

"Vicious! This is Oakenshield! I too am on 'Workoh'. I will follow you to 'Victorine'. Understood?" trilled Zorin Oakenshield across the squawkboxes aboard the 'Nighthawk' which confused the Hell outta both O'Malley and Vicious who had been sharpening his 'katana' blade.

Several hours ago, the 'Nighthawk' had lifted off from 'Workoh' unseen by the 'LA2'- or so he thought! Nothing escaped 'Old Eagle Eye' though!

"Say again, Oakbrain! We are heading for 'Minerva' to rendezvous with-" trilled back Vicious.

"No! No! NO! Negative! Stay well clear of 'Minerva'! John Raven's there and he's laid a trap for us! I say again! Avoid 'Minerva' at all costs. New destination is 'Victorine' and for Heavens' sakes, stay 'cloaked'! No telling what kinda firepower they have down there, V!

"By the by, what's this I hear about your trying to kidnap Air Marshall Angel and grabbing a mere 'sub-striper' instead? Did she get back to 'Vic' safely? Over." trilled Zorin and Vicious sighed and handed his vidmike to Tom Jordan.

"Sire? Commander Jordan here, milord. Leftenant Peterson and I personally escorted the girl back to where we'd found her on 'Victorine', sire. She was blindfolded both ways and since we left immediately thereafter-" trilled Tom.

"Yes. Yes. Well done, sonny. Oh, by the by, you did know that we were sharing the river back on 'Workoh' with some 'Cybremen', didn't ya? Over." trilled Zorin.

"Of course, Oakbrain! Give us credit for a little common sense, will ya? One o' the Gael's men spotted 'em right off the bat. They seemed to be looking for gold and you already know why, Zo. Over." trilled Vicious.

"Oh and be careful around that big mountain in the Southeast on 'Vic'. There's at least one indigenous creature native to that world- and it's humongous, my friend! See ya on 'Vic'. Oakenshield out." trilled Zorin and his leering face vanished from the vidscreens.

"Vicious out. OK, turn this vessel about and head for 'Victorine' and do not drop our 'cloak'. Better mask our vapour trails and muffle our thrusters and afterburners, boyos. 'Catwoman'! You and the 'Widow' get on the scanners. I wanna know if a space gnat takes a dump within a hundred kilometres of us. Got it?" snarled Vicious.

"Aww, have a heart, V! I just came off 12 hours o' KP duty and afore that, I had a double shift guard mount, man! I'm bushed!" said the 'Black Widow'. Vicious thought for a moment and then pointed to Ming the Merciless who had been misnamed! He was nothing but a crybaby!

"Ming will fill in for you this shift. Get some sleep, 'Widow' and spell Ming at midnight. 'Zandar Zan' will take over from the Cat at midnight. I really don't give a damn who's on those scanners so long as they are manned for the duration of this voyage. Otherwise- heads WILL roll! Kapish? O'Malley! Make sure our weapons are fully loaded. That includes the small arms and our newest toy that we 'borrowed' from Dr Cueball's labs at the 3WA! I'll be in my quarters if ya need me." ordered Vicious and he picked up his Samurai blade and headed for the lift.

Shall we leave both of these vessels bound for 'Victorine' and instead head right straight to their destination and see how the colonists are faring?

"I said that I was feeling OK, sir. And you look like you need some dispatching help too. I used to work as a dispatcher for a space trucking company. Well, it was only a summer job. That was the year before I joined the 3WA, sir. And-" said Thelma and the big Triceratops dinosaur alien 'truck push' grinned at the girl.

"OK! Call off your dogs already, Honey! Light! Over here on the double, laddie." yelled Dynamo and Light Yagami came over to see what his boss needed.

"You bellowed, Mr Dynamo?" asked Light, tipping his cap to Thelma. Then he caught sight of her epaulettes and her new Warrant 'stripes'. He raised his fist for the galactic salute and then dropped his hand to his side again. As a First Lieutenant, he outranked the 'striper' so a salute was not needed. However, Thelma remembered and saluted Light belatedly. He returned the salute and then shook hands with the girl.

"Take Miss Williamson over to the comm hut. Show her the ropes and stuff. She's gonna be our comm relay dispatcher. That'll save your shoe leather, kid. I don't really trust that apple chompin' pal o' yours around those explosives. See ya later, Thelma." growled the big guy and Light beamed a smile to his new replacement.

"Follow me, Thelma. You have any experience with dispatching loads?" asked Light. She grinned back at the 'Death Notebook' 20 year old guy.

"A little. I worked for 'Waldess Industries' a few summers back as a 'truck push'- before I joined the force, sir." replied Thelma.

"OK. That's your vidmike hookup and that's the vidcode chart. You simply assign loads to rigs. Got it? (She nodded) Oh and I'm Light and I'll call you Thelma, OK? I hate military protocol and so does Dynamo. Any questions?" said Light.

"I don't see any destination codes, si- I mean, Light." replied Thelma. "I mean where-" she added confusedly.

"That's because we don't need any destination codes. This is the 'staging area' and everything we send out is going to the same place- the newly erected 'Victoria City' on the other side of 'Mt Peabody'. Just assign loads to rigs. That's it. Simple. Anything else you need, kiddo?" asked Light.

"Well, I could do with some lunch and a jug o' java. If it's not too much trouble?" asked the girl.

"Just use the 'repper' on that table behind ya, Thelma. You do know how they work, right?" replied Light.

"Oh. Sure, I do. I didn't see it there, Light. Thanks. Don't worry. I'll be OK now. Oh, could you please tell the Prez where I am, Light? I am supposed to be 'OD' tonight at suns' set and-" stammered the worried girl. Light smiled.

"No problemo, milady. I will personally inform Miss Poe that you're working with us. You'll be too tired to be 'OD' tonight though. I'll have her replace you with another officer. No, you won't get into any trouble, kid. Don't look so shocked, my dear. Ya hang around 'mind senders' enough, it's sure to rub off on ya. I seem to be able to read some minds every now and then, especially those of the younger crowd. OK! I heard ya, 'Ryuuk'! More apples comin' up! Oh and if you see a big tall dude that looks like seven kilometres of torn up aetherways, that'll be 'Ryuuk'. He's harmless, but he's been hangin' around the Ninja and Demons so he may be a little flippant towards ya." laughed Light. She looked a question at him.

"He's a 'shinigami', a 'death god', but he's under orders not to kill anyone without permission. He may come in here for apples. He's addicted to them. Like I am to smokes and booze. Just 'rep up' a bushel or two for him and he'll be as happy as a clam. I gotta go and you have work to do! Comin', Boss!" yelled the Earther guy.

"Let's see now. Hmmn. 4,000 'Nitroglycine' blocks for someone named 'Ahura'? Oh yeah, that big 'Djinn' guy giant. Guess I'll assign 'em to Number 6 rig. Mr 'Bear' the 'ice roader' and John Kinchloe, the former 'Stalag 13' POW. Yes, they are both responsible enough to haul boom booms without blowing themselves up. (She picked up her vidmike and keyed it) Attention in the huts! Will Mr 'Bear' and Mr Kinchloe please report to the 'dispatch hut' as soon as possible. Please bring your vid ID cards and rig vidpapers with you. This is the new dispatcher, Warrant Officer Third Class Thelma Williamson. That is all. Out."

When she had finished speaking, she hung up the vidmike again and began to fill out the necessary vidpapers and vidforms for the shipment destined for the giant 'Djinn'. 'Ahura is foreman on the ground clearing project for the new courthouse on Mason Square, Thelma. We trust him implicitly. Sorry! I forgot how unnerving it can be to hear someone's voice inside of your own skull, my child. Not to worry. Light told me that you are their new dispatcher so I have made Colonel Peabody 'OD' for this evening. Until further notice, you will be our rig dispatcher. However, I want you to get at least six hours of sleep between your shifts. I'll have someone take over for you at two tomorrow morning, my dear. Have fun. Allie Poe out.'

"Man! Is that ever weird! Wonder how come I can't 'mind send' or read minds or nothing? Oh well, mine is not to reason why. Mine is but to do or die. Now, where did I put my PDO unit?" mused the new Warrant Three, repping up a big lunch and a big jug o' java.

"Staff Sgt John Kinchloe reporting as ordered, ma'am." said the big tall former POW NCO of 'Stalag 13', snapping to attention and saluting Thelma. Thelma placed her right fist across her left breast- the galactic salute.

"Bear reportin' as ordered, ma'am." said 'Bear' the ice roader without saluting her.

"At ease, gentlemen. Your vidpapers and vidID's, please." replied Thelma, holding out a gloved hand for the requested vid-docs.

"Here's mine, Honey." said 'Bear', doffing his cap.

"And mine, ma'am." chuckled John.

"What's the joke, Sarge?" she asked.

"Oh, nothin', ma'am. Just that I was reminded o' the dozens o' times that a German soldier asked for my papers back at the stalag. O' course, they were usually forged by Alvin (Newkirk) or Andy (Carter). They were never questioned though." replied the big dark sergeant.

"These are genuine though, I take it, Mr Kinchloe? Mr 'Bear'?" she asked dryly and they both assured her that they were.

"Very good. Here are your orders. Four thousand 'Nitroglycine' blocks for Mr Ahura in the new city. They will be loaded in Rig Number 6 and ready to go by the time that you have finished your dinners, gentlemen. Questions?" she said efficiently.

"You doing anything Saturday night, Sugar? Or don't you newly commissioned officers fraternize with us non-coms, Warrant?" asked John Kinchloe.

"As a matter of fact, I, er, already have a date for this weekend, John. However, thanks for asking. Yes, 'Bear'?" said Thelma.

"Same route as before, ma'am? Through the mountain tunnel and past the stalag? Then, up the aetherway to 'Vic City', right?" asked the older rig driver.

"Affirmative. Be sure that you let Mr Dynamo or Lt Yagami know when you're leaving. Dismissed." she said, saluting them again.

"Uh, we are supposed to salute you, not the other way around, Warrant. Bye." said John with a wink.

"C'mon along, Casanova. I told ya that she had a thing goin' with that big gawky Samurai guy with the specs, didn't I?" chuckled 'Bear', clapping his partner and co-pilot on the back.

"Like Bobby (Hogan) always says- 'Nuttin' ventured, nuttin' gained', pal. Let's get some chow." replied John.

"Amen to that, brother. No offense, son." said 'Bear'.

"None taken, my friend. There doesn't seem to be any prejudice in this century. At least, I have yet to see any. Mmmmnn! I smell roast duck! Let's hurry before the chow hounds get it all!" said John, double-timing it towards the dining hall. 'Bear' tried his best to match the younger guy's speed, then gave it up and settled into a stroll.

"No! No! No! Hamilton! Perry says that I cain't have an office next to yourn! Why the heck not?" demanded Ben Matlock, attorney-at-law.

"Because we are defense attorneys, Ben! Hamilton's a prosecutor even if he isn't the district attorney anymore. I have put your offices on the next floor above. Will you explain it to him, Michelle?" said a frustrated Perry Mason who was poring over the details of his architectural drawings for the new 'Vic City CourtHouse'.

"Perry! I need a bigger office!" yelled Paul Drake.

"We need a bigger office, Darling! I'm your partner in the biz as well as your partner in bed!" snapped Yancie Drake-Drew.

"Mrs Drake-Drew! A little decorum in your language, if you please!" yelled Hamilton Burger, first assistant DA of the new city.

"Perry? Now that I notice it- I need a tad more space in my office as well." said Della Street, handing out java to everyone.

"I don't like the colour scheme, Mr Mason and-" began Michelle, Ben's partner lawyer.

"That is E-NOUGH! I am going home! We'll take up these matters tomorrow!" yelled Perry.

"And why are the damned courtrooms almost on the roof?" screeched Mr Burger at the top of his lungs.

"Can't blame Perry for that one, Hammy!" snarled Paul. "Galactic Law states that courtrooms must be within easy walking distance from the roof because that's where the main parking docks are located." he added.

"What about the lifts? Surely they could be used to get to the lower floors?" suggested Lt Tragg, burping on his beer.

"Here! You read it, Arthur! 'Galactic Law 2260'. Section XXV, SubSection XVII, Paragraph XIII. Explains all about the unreliability of the lifts in this quadrant! So the lifts are out!" stormed Paul Drake.

"Ladies! Gentlemen! A little less noise, please. Um, I just came up to borrow some sugar." said His Eminence, High Reverend Chapel the Evergreen. Seventy floors down were the 'Ecumenical Offices' for his parishes. Why church offices were in the law building was something that none of them could fathom. However, since it was just a few offices the size of an amusement park, Perry had grudgingly agreed to allow him to share their building.

"How's your cathedral coming along, Reverend?" asked Della politely while she was loading sugar, creamer, java beans, tea bags, candy, cookies, pastries and practically the entire larder onto an anti-grav trolley for the big preacher.

"Splendidly, Miss Street. Nick (Wolfwood) has the ne'er-do-wells painting the place for me- Tom Sawyer style. Oh, do you have a few extra PDO units, my dear? And some extra vidfile folders? Thank you ever so much. Well, I will allow you to return to your 'discussions' now. Ta ta for now and thanks again." said Chapel, trundling his over-laden trolley out of the door of the 'war room'.

"Look, my lord. They have already arrived and the colonization has begun! Look at that city, sire! Sire! There is a deposit of the 'yellow metal ore' here! Where shall we put down?" said the 'Number One' Cybreman officer.

"Land us on the Southeastern side of that tall mountain, 'Number One'. Do not drop our 'cloak'." ordered his superior.

"Are you certain that 'Her' flagship is also headed for this world, my lord?" asked his exec.

"She will be here before nightfall. I hope that we can find that mine before suns' set and be well away from this miserable planet. Take us down." commanded the Cybremen's Leader.

END of Chapter 1. Chapter 2 'Law & Order' or 'Ahuran Antics' coming soon. Have a swell weekend. Read/Review/Suggest away. Reviews & Suggestions always welcome here! See ya soon, folks!- Thelma and Your Friendship Team.


	2. Ch 2 'Law & Order'Ahuran Antics'

Victors of Victorine

Chapter 2 'Law & Order' or 'Ahuran Antics'

(AN: I recently discovered that my brave new world of 'Victorine' has its origins in ancient Greece. In Greek mythology, the goddess of victory was 'Nike' and her Roman name was 'Victoria'. To this day, 'Olympics' medals feature this goddess on all three- gold, silver and bronze. I assure you that I hadn't an inkling of these facts when I chose 'Victorine' (Named after Dr Who #4's late wife's middle name) for this new world. However, I did know this about 'Nike' when I chose to name Eric & Sookie Northman's vampire/human/fae twins 'Adonis' for the boy and 'Nike' for the girl. Britain's late Queen Victoria was well named. Many victories were celebrated during her reign- the longest of any monarch in history! Hope you enjoy the chapter!)

DISCLAIMER: Greetings, dear friends. Allow me to introduce myself and my lovely bride. I am Wolfgang Manfred Sigurd Hochstetter, former SS major of the German Gestapo and a very bad fellow indeed! However, since there is no longer a WW II nor 20th Century Earth for us and since this is now the 23rd Century (AD 2260) and a brand new world for us (Victorine), I have turned over a new leaf.

Your pardon, my dear. Meet Helga Hochstetter-Schmidt, my bride of almost a month or monthlet as they call them here. She has become my inspiration to mend my evil ways. We have been accorded the honour of reading these gems of wisdom to you, our new friends. Without these words, we would be unable to share these vidfiles and vidlogs of our adventures with you.

First, we wish to thank Mr Haruka-San Takachiho, creator of the 3WA's main characters of Kei O'Halloran & Yuri Donovan, amongst others. He has graciously allowed us to use his creations and for this we are deeply grateful. We also wish to express our gratitude to any other creators whose creations we have used, will use or are currently using in our vidfiles and vidlogs to tell of our adventures.

Of course, it goes without saying that anyone may use any of our own creations so long as we are given the credit which is due us for them. For this adventure, we will be following several diverse groups of 'colonists' including ourselves and our former 'Stalag 13' inhabitants as we struggle to adapt to our new lives. We hope that you enjoy these narrations.

Mrs Hochstetter-Schmidt here. Please call me Helga. Not now, Pupkin, dear. Later. When last ve left you, there vere three separate groups of villains heading for our new world- Cybremen, Zorin Oakenshield's troops and the Vicious 'rat pack'. However, none of us were yet aware of these three dangers speeding towards us on 'Victorine'. Mitout further ado, please enjoy this next exciting installment of our tale. Oh, alright, my dear Wolfie. Stop that! Not in front of the Kommandant!

"That's our destination below us, Boss, isn't it?" asked Lt Commander Saavik. The Vulcan girl could scarcely contain her excitement. Unlike most of the others aboard the 'Lovely Angel 2' flagship vessel, Saavy had never set foot on this brave new world which had been terraformed and supplied with a life force only a few monthlets ago.

"Yeah, that's good ol' 'Vic', kiddo. Take us down, Clark. See those lights? Drop us into the middle of 'em." growled Supreme Marshall Keirran O'Halloran, the youngest and most decorated 'tro con' or trouble consultant intergalactic police officer in the 3WA- the Worlds' Welfare Works Association, the peace-keeping arm of the United Galactica Federation of Galaxies. The 3WA was the LAW throughout the dozen galaxies which they patrolled to keep law and order throughout the Universes.

'Superman' aka Clark Kent yawed into the 300 kph solar winds that surrounded the 'gravity well' above the planet.

"Steady as she goes, Clark. Don't dip too far to starboard or you'll chip the paint on Reds's ship. Easy." warned 'Batman' aka Bruce Wayne who was co-piloting for this mission.

"Thanks, Bruce. However, I have been flying since long before you were born, pal. Better have everyone strap themselves in. The winds just picked up speed. They're blowin' at 500 kph now. OK. We're in the 'gravity well'. Orders, mum?" shouted Clark, trying to be heard over the roaring of the thrusters and whine of the afterburners.

"Cut the warp drive and after burners. Reduce impulse drive to one quarter and hang on tight. The surface's gravity is 20 times that on 'Shimougou'- that means 50 times Terra's (Earth's) gravity, boyos." yelled Kei. She was gripping her command chair arms so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. Saavy was strapped into her exec chair and her eyes were squeezed shut and she was praying to 'J'Zail', the Vulcan god of safety and a few hundred other Vulcan gods.

The huge starship finally slid to a stop and the Commander ordered the impulse engines cut to nil.

"Hey! Where's our welcomin' committee, Boss?" yipped 'Flash'. The kid superhero had won the right- in last night's poker game- to exit the ship first, thus becoming the very first 'Justice League' member to set foot on this world which was destined to become their new home.

"Helena, drop our 'cloak'." growled the Boss, draining her umpteenth tumbler of Jameson's Irish whiskey.

"Aye aye, mum." replied 'Hawkgirl' who had chosen a stunning golden gown encrusted with silver to make her debut appearance as the first female 'Justice Leaguer' to set foot on 'Victorine'.

"Anyone care to place a wager on how long before she ditches that drafty dress, fellas?" chortled the 'Martian Manhunter'. The surface temperature was the equivalent of several degrees below zero Fahrenheit- and this was summertime!

"Want me to yank it off her when she 'materializes' on the surface? It'd be a good joke, guys!" yelped the kid. He was the youngest of the 'JLers' and had lots to learn.

"Can you cook?" asked 'Green Lantern' and 'Flash' shook his head.

"Well, if we let you embarrass and humiliate one of the first ladies on this world, we'll all be eating our own cooking for a damned long time, kid." replied Bruce.

"Not to mention that I'd toss the lot o' you guys into the 'cooler' at 'Stalag 13' and keep ya there to the end o' the monthlet." seethed Kei. The Boss was not known to take a joke. The redheaded firebrand Hellcat Amazon pointed out the 'window'.

"That's gonna be yer 'home sweet home' from now on, guys and gals. OK Ari, 'transport' 'Flash' and his luggage down to the surface along with Helena and her baggage. Stand quite still, kiddies. Close yer eyes if ya wanna." chuckled Kei, igniting a cheroot.

"We have 'transported' before, Boss." said Helena the 'Hawkgirl' in an icy voice. She feared nothing.

"Yeah, Reds. We done this lotsa times, man." laughed 'Flash'. Kei grinned at them.

"Sure ya have, but not onto a world with this high of a gravitational pull. Good luck. Take 'em away, Ari." ordered the Boss.

"One small step for justice and one big er giant walk er leap fer- aw, the Hell with it. The 'Flash' has arrived, ladies." announced 'Flash' who thought of himself as Kami's (God's) gift to women. The ladies in the reception committee were not amused.

"Greetings, dear friends. I- Damnation! Is it always this cold here? Ah-Choo! And this is summertime?" yelled Helena who was trying to keep her skirts down in the heavy solar winds.

"Honey, if you don't get inside soon, Mr 'Flash' won't hafta yank that gown offa ya. The winds'll do it for him." giggled Yancie Drew until her new hubby, Paul Drake, clapped his hand across his bride's mouth. Yancie had also begun to be able to read minds and use 'mind send' as had most of the females since they had set foot on 'Victorine'. However, very few of the males seemed able to 'mind send' or mind read. Curious eh?

"Yes, I believe that the welcoming should be continued inside, dear friends." said the soft-spoken President of 'Victorine', Allison Poe-Prydonia, wrapping a heavy ermine cloak around the shivering 'Hawkgirl's shoulders and hustling her into the largest quonset hut in the 'staging area'.

A few minutes later, with everyone assembled in the huge dining hall and sipping hot soups and beverages, Kei grabbed Allie and 'Superman' and dragged them up to the dais at the end of the long hall.

"In case you guys and gals didn't get the drift yet, this lady is your fearless leader, President Allison Poe-Prydonia. You will obey her the same way as you obey me. Anyone who doesn't will answer to me. Kapish? We have another group to add to you colonists. This is Clark Kent aka 'Superman' and he's the leader of the 'Justice League'. With this guy and his band o' superheroes at yer disposal, 'Victoria City' will soon become a reality. Where's Ahura, guys?" snarled the Boss.

"He's, uh, 'modernizing' our stalag, ma'am." replied Andy Carter, a former POW of the old WW II German 'stalag' or prisoner-of-war camp.

"Besides, he would not fit inside 'ere, mate, uh, mum." added Alvin Newkirk, another former POW of the same stalag.

"OK. Second Lt Thelma Williamson, front and centre." ordered the Supreme Marshall and a slight blonde in a dark purple uniform hurried up to the dais and saluted. In fact, she was just about the only one in the hall wearing a uniform. Casual was the watchword for dress and military courtesy and protocol in the 3WA.

"Your pardon I beg, mum. I am only a Warrant Officer Third Class, mum." replied the girl in a low soft voice.

"Negative. You were a Warrant Three, Williamson. You are now a Second Lieutenant and your first duty will be to billet all of our new colonists. And for Kami's sake, if you must wear a uniform, wear something besides that drab old rag ya got on, Thelma. (She whispered into the girl's ear.) How are you and Jin gettin' along, Sweetie? (She raised her voice again.) Well? You have yer orders. Dismissed. That goes fer the rest o' ya as well. Oh, wait a sec. As soon as ya can, report to Alley Cat fer yer work assignments. OK, that's all." growled the Boss.

"No more than three at a time, please. Thank you." called the President to the fast emptying hall.

"OK. That about does it, kiddo. Any objections to my usin' the other big hut fer my HQ while I'm here, Allie?" asked the Boss.

"Of course not, Miss Boss. As long as you do not mind sharing? Some of the space riggers are staying there." replied Allie. Kei waved a gloved hand on her way out of the portals.

When she'd gone, Allie made a wry face and grimaced. "Way to go, girl. Miss Boss? Boy, did I ever sound stupid. And then asking 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' if she would not mind sharing. Really a great way to get off with the lady who is second in rank only to 'Uncle Vito' Galadriel himself. She even outranks Mr Garner." mused Allie to herself while she toyed with her PDO unit. She sighed and 'repped up' a strong java drink for herself. She had scarcely taken a sip from her mug before there was a tap on the portals and they swished aside.

"Couldn't help overhearing that, Miss Poe. No, I wasn't eavesdropping. Your mind was troubled and we Vulcans pick up on emotions quickly. Probably because we are taught from birth to suppress our own feelings. Anyhow, the Boss doesn't mean anything and if you think that you insulted her or hurt her own feelings, think again. She's as tough as nails- inside and out. She's used to roughing it and she prefers things that way. Otherwise, she'd have remained aboard her flagship which has a lot more creature comforts than this place. That's why I volunteered to remain aboard with a few of the crewpersons.

"I came to tell ya that the engineers have erected a 'weather shield' over this part of the planet and to ask you if you're up for a stroll, mum?" asked Saavy who was used to shipboard life where you simply tapped on a portal and then walked right in.

"Sounds nice, Miss Saavik. However, please do call me Allie. Miss is so formal." replied Allie Poe-Prydonia.

"OK, but only if you call me Saavy. Grab your jacket and let's go." said the Vulcan girl.

"Surely. However, you Vulcans have no Christian names?" asked a puzzled time lady.

"Yeah, we do. Only mine is a mile long so everyone just calls me Saavy." she replied, standing aside for Allie to precede her out the portals.

"Age before beauty, eh?" giggled Allie.

"Huh? Oh, I'm a lot older than I look, Allie. Next AugSept, I will be seventy, believe it or not." laughed Saavy.

"Well, confidentially, I just turned (She whispered into Saavy's ear.) No lie. We Gallifreyans are truth-tellers." said Allie.

"Wow! That's amazing, man. Want to check out 'Stalag 13'? I've read all about those POW camps on ancient Terra during the wars. I've only seen pictures of them though. Just think. A real stalag here on 'Vic'. You game?" asked the Vulcan and Allie nodded and zipped up her jacket. The duo looked like a mother taking her child out for a walk. Saavy was closer to Kei's height and Allie was a lot shorter. The time lady was a good bit heavier than the Vulcan as well.

Their 'stroll' to 'Stalag 13' covered several kilometres and took them close to three hours. At last, they arrived at the campsite and took a breather. Someone had 'repped up' several old-fashioned rocking chairs for the new patio that Ahura had helped the colonists to build beside the 'spring'. The water was crystal clear and icy cold. Several 'replicator' units were scattered about and soon they had everything they needed for a 'high tea' as Allie told Saavy that she was used to having an hour or so before dinner.

"Oh, I am stuffed, man. Everything was so delish, Allie." complimented Saavy, pushing aside her third plate of cookies and swallowing her fourth cup of tea.

"Ooh, I think I ate too much. I rue that long trek back home and I dearly wish that I didn't have to walk all the way back there." moaned the time lady who had gained several kilograms over the last hour and a half. It's only in deep space that weight gain is impossible.

"We don't have to walk, ya know?" said Saavy, with an impish grin. Allie stared at the Vulcan like she wasn't all there. There were no transports around the camp. With all of the stalag's inhabitants temporarily assigned as truckers, they had utilized every form of ground transportation that they could find to make the long trip from here back to the 'staging area' where the rigs were docked.

"This is Saavik. I am at the stalag with the Prez. Please beam us back to her hut on my mark. Thanks. Saavik out." she said into her comm badge and Allie remembered that they had limited transporter 'beams' set up for the main compoiund, the new city and the stalag campsite. They packed up all of their leftover goodies and repped up a small footlocker to carry them back in. Then Saavy used her comm badge again and hey presto- they were back home once more.

"Sorry but I gotta go, Allie! Too many prune Danishes!" yelled Saavy, racing for the little girls' room. Allie walked back to her office and drank a healthy swig of 'Galusol' which is like your 'Pepto Bismol'. It soon quieted her tummy and she was able to sit back and relax in her big overstuffed desk chair.

They'd both missed dinner, but neither of them were feeling hungry. Allie said 'Come' when her office klaxons chimed and Mugen carried in the footlocker which she and Saavy had forgotten all about after they had arrived back home.

"What's ya got in here, man? Lead? Huh? Food! What kinda goodies ya got in here, Alley Cat?" demanded the self-taught Samurai fighter. She sighed and told him to open it up and help himself to whatever he wanted.

"Have you seen Fuu?" asked Allie and Mugen gesticulated with his arm while he was stuffing himself. Then he burped and told her that Fuu had taken Momo for a walk in the bright moonlights. 'Vic' was surrounded by several moons, each one of them much brighter than Terra's own Luna.

Fuu had healed quicker than Dr Brackett had surmised and she had been released from hospital in three days rather than two weeks. Momo was her pet flying squirrel and she was the cutest little animal that Allie had ever seen. Jin had called Momo a noble creature while Mugen had told Fuu to 'keep that rat away from me, man.'

Fuu and Momo were far away from the 'staging area' and halfway up the Northern slope of 'Mt Peabody' when she and her pet had found the grove of grapes and olives. Thinking of her two traveling companions back at the hut, she began plucking bunches of sweet ripe grapes and stalks of fresh ripe olives and now she was busily stuffing them into her rucksack.

"Aha! So they have ripened at last, have they? Pardon me, miss. I'll just help myself." rumbled a loud voice whch deafened her and scared Momo so much that the little thing ran up Fuu's pantleg and nestled into her ample cleavage.

Fuu was amazed when a huge bunch of grapes separated itself from a vine and then the grapes began vanishing into the aether! "Is- Is- anyone there? Hullo? Don't worry, Momo. We'll be OK." said Fuu, brandishing her 'tante' or small dagger.

"Oh my stars! Am I not visible to thee, my child? Your pardon I beg. Is this better?" said the voice as the gigantic 'Djinn' (For of course it was he.), Ahura Gladius Mazdan slowly materialized in front of the startled girl and her frightened pet.

"Who- Who- are y-you?" asked Fuu whose knees were knocking together like drumsticks. Momo poked her head out of Fuu's cleavage and then hopped onto the Djinn's big toe.

"Ah, you must be another colonist. You are most welcome, my dear. I am Ahura Gladius Mazdan. Please call me Ahura. I am a 'Djinn' and I grant wishes. Are you and your little friend lost perhaps? How about I give you and your pet a ride back to the huts? Just climb up onto my hand and bring the youngun with ye. Now I'll put you up on my shoulder. Not afraid of heights, I trust? No? Good. Hang on tight now." said the gentle giant and soon they had reached the hut that contained her own suite of rooms. "Down ye get. Please ask Miss Allison if I might speak with her briefly. I would come inside, but I fear that I would not fit, my dear child." said Ahura and Fuu vanished inside, clutching her rucksack full of grapes and olives.

"C'mon in. It's open, man." yelled Mugen when there was a timid tap on the office portals. "Oh, it's you. Alley Cat, ya still lookin' fer Fuu and her pet rat? Here she is now." added Mugen. Fuu handed him her rucksack and Momo hopped out and onto Allie's big desk.

"Share those grapes and olives with Jin, you pig. Sorry for the intrusion, mum, but a Mr Ahura wants to speak with you- outside- for obvious reasons." said Fuu. Allie left off stroking Momo and pulled on her jacket. Fuu walked out the portals and led the way outside where the 'Djinn' was sitting beside the lake.

"Madam President, I have just sensed the presence on this world of three groups who are not part of your colonists. They seem dangerous and I felt it was my duty to tell you about them. One ship has landed far to the South of here by the 'Southern Sea', another has landed on the opposite shore of the lake and the third has landed very near to my mountain.

"As to whom they may be, I only get bits of 'mind send' words- 'Starmauler'; 'Nighthawk'; 'Yellow Metal' and other strange words. Does this mean anything to ye?" rumbled the giant.

"Zorin, Vicious and the Cybremen. Can you tell where each landed, Ahura?" asked Saavy who had overheard the last part of the conversation.

"The 'Starmauler' is by the 'Southern Sea', 'Nighthawk' is at the foot of my mountain and 'Yellow Metal' is across this lake. However, all three are using 'cloaks' to conceal their presences from ye. The first two are known to each other, but the third knows nothing of the first two. Is this information important to thee?" The time lady's and the Vulcan girl's faces had gone chalk white.

"All three of 'em?" asked an astonished Saavy.

"Here? On this world at the same time? Whatever will 'she' have to say about this, I wonder?" replied Allison.

"If ya mean, what will I say about Vicious, Oakbrain and those infernal Cybre pests, kiddies, I already know that they are here. I did the best I could to have 'em all follow me back to 'Victorine'." growled the Boss who had just arrived and was being trailed by her newest yeoperson, Amy Pond, an Earther girl that she'd picked up at 'Corrallia' in the 'Bad Lands' on her way back home.

Amy had been visiting the 'Bad Lands' with her mentor, Doctor #11 (The 'Kid' Doctor) and he had inadvertently forgotten the girl and had left her behind when he'd left aboard his TARDIS. Amy had been stranded for a week in the heart of this lawless territory when Subaltern Ro Laren had bumped into her in a cafe. The 'LA2' flagship had landed in this small outlaw village to make some much needed repairs and Kei had reluctantly allowed 'shore leave' for most of her crew.

Ro was a sympathetic soul and asked Amy why she was crying. Then out came the whole sad story and the upshot was that Ro took Ms Pond back aboard the ship and asked the Boss if she might replace Periwinkle Brown as yeoperson or personal assistant and clerk to Miss O'Halloran. Amy was delighted and she was a quick study with using a PDO (Personal Data Organizer) unit to take vidnotes and to keep the vidlog.

"Welcome aboard, Subby. Get her a change o' duds, Ro. Looks like we're stuck with the brat." said the Boss and she went forward to the bridge. "Attention all hands! We are lifting off in ten minutes- whether you are aboard or not! Shore leave is now ended! I'm on a tight schedule so move your keesters, guys! O'Halloran out." said Kei into her comm badge. Ten minutes later, Sub-Ensign Amy Pond was strapped into a seat beside the Boss's command chair and tapping keys like mad.

"A good thing that I took those secretarial courses when we visited the 'Agrarians' last month." confided Amy to Ro. "What about Miss Brown? Won't she be a bit put out when she finds out that I took her job, Ro?" she added.

"Nah. Peri wanted to go to nav school anyway. Now she can. That reminds me. Peri's in sick bay and I promised to visit her. Can you get along OK without me, kid?" asked Ro.

"Oh dear. I hope it's nothing serious?" replied Amy, the concern evident in her voice.

"Not really. She got pissed off when she lost to Kome (Sawaguchi) at poker the other night and punched the bulkhead wall. She broke her hand so she's laid up for another day. (Ro glanced at her wristchromo) Hmmn. We'll be landing before dinner most likely. I wonder what they're serving at the dining hall on 'Vic'? I won't be long, Amy. Bye." said Ro and she headed for sick bay.

"Well, that's how we got our Amy, Madam Prez. What's all this about our old cronies being here at the same time , man?" asked Ro when she'd finished her explanations.

"Yo, Reds! Ya want for me and Jin to go find these creeps and kill 'em for ya?" demanded Mugen, drawing his 'katana'. He was upset. Mugen hadn't killed anyone since their arrival on 'Victorine'. Neither had Jin, but he wasn't a 'killing machine' like his traveling companion.

"You guys promised Miss Poe-Prydonia that ya wouldn't kill anyone without permission. Besides, we still gotta find my Daddy, the 'Samurai who smells like sunflowers'. Remember? You both promised, man. Wait until you're asked, Momo! Get outta Miss Pond's rucksack!" said Fuu whose sprained ankle had healed miraculously in only a few days on this strange new world which was so like Earth and yet- not like their home world.

"You two any good with blasters? Plasma rifles? Ion cannons? Disruptors? Laser swords? Pistols? Any kind o' firearms?" growled the Boss.

"We don't need no guns, baby! We're Samurai, Honey!" yelled Mugen, swinging his blade all over the place. Kei grinned and drew one of her Mark XIII ion cannons.

"Can yer swords do this, gents?" she asked and fired at the closest quonset hut. Suddenly, a hole the size of a window appeared on the hut's outer wall. Both Mugen and Jin were in shock. Fuu was terrified and so was Amy. Momo dove inside somebody's rucksack and whimpered. Noiselessly, two 'repair 'droids' began fixing the hole and soon the wall was as good as new.

"That's the kinda weapons ye're gonna be up against, me boyos. That is, if they're here for what I think they're here for." said Kei grimly.

"What d'ya think they're here for, mum?" asked Amy. She was tickled pink that she'd been made a 'Subby', not realizing that a 'Sub-Ensign' was the very lowest commissioned officer ranking in the 3WA.

"Me, I'm afraid. Nice to see ya again, Boss. Welcome, Amy. Name's Angel. Marlene Angel." said the newly promoted Air Marshall whose ship had only just 'decloaked' itself. Behind her stood the 'Lovely Angel 5', her K-Class patrol starship.

"Oh yeah. Amy, meet Air Marshall Angel. Hiya, Mar. Meet the Boss's new yeoperson, Subby Amy Pond. We found her in the 'Bad Lands'. The 'Kid Doctor' ditched her there and we gave her a ride here. Need a secretary, Allie?" chortled Ro.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, mum." said Amy, curtseying to Marlene, much to the amusement of the others.

"Find her a bunk, Thelma. Please go with Lt Williamson, my dear child. Yes, I am a time lady and quite well known to your Doctor, Miss Pond. Yes, believe it or not, I am the President of 'Victorine'. Like most Gallifreyans, I am much older than I may appear to your young eyes, child. Ah, the dinner gong. Please bring her to dinner after you've found her a bunk, Thelma. Thank you very much. We will speak again soon, Amy." said Allison, neglecting to inform her that most everyone on the planet used 'mind send' and read minds as well.

Amy's head was swimming in a quagmire. All of her travels with the Doctor aboard his TARDIS had not prepared her for the Federation and the 3WA and especially- the colonists. She meekly followed the taller girl into one of the quonset huts which reminded her of that old TV show, 'Gomer Pyle, USMC'. Thelma hit a portal release panel and showed Amy into a lavishly furnished sitting room.

"This is your sitting room. Back there is the kitchenette. Take either bedroom and that's the bath room, Subby. The dining room's through that portal. Plenty of clothes in the closets and wardrobes and bureaus. This (She picked up a small box that looked like a photocopy machine) is a 'replicating unit'. Just ask it for what you need or want and it will produce it for you. There's one in each room. (She glanced at the wall chromo) Almost dinnertime. If you'd care to freshen up and change, I'll wait here for you and then take you to dinner. Uniforms are optional. Dress code here is casual, Amy." said Thelma kindly.

"Why are you calling me 'Subby', mum?" asked Amy.

"Because that's your ranking. A 'Sub-Ensign', 'Subby' for short. Afraid that's the lowest commission in the 3WA, Honey. However, I was a mere 'Lancer' last month, like a 'Corporal'. Then I was promoted to Warrant Three and now I'm a Second Lieutenant. Promotions come quickly here; so do demotions so watch your P's and Q's, Amy. Hurry up and change." replied Thelma.

The new girl was surprised when she was waited on by an android waitress. She ordered the most exotic dishes that she could think of and she was astounded when her dinner was placed in front of her less than five minutes later. The grouse was baked to perfection and the caviar was exquisite. The Stilton cheese was creanier than she got at Shepherd's Bush. the plum pudding she'd ordered for dessert was topped with some sort of local liqueur that produced a bluish flame when the 'droid ignited the pudding with a miniature laser sword. The Darjeeling tea was just spicy enough yet did not curdle the cream.

"Well? Everything satisfactory, Amy?" asked Ro, her fifth glass of Zinfandel white wine in her hand.

"Yeah, but how did it all get cooked so quickly? I could have sworn that grouse I ate had been baked for hours." replied Amy.

"Oh, we all make the same mistake the first time. We try and stump the chefs. I'll tell ya a lil secret, kiddo. That food was not 'cooked' in the traditional sense of the word. It was 'replicated'. Remember that little gadget that Thelma showed you in your suite? Works the same way for our galley workers, kid. Say! That's a nice pantsuit you're wearing. That gold lame matches the golden flecks in your eyes. Unh unh. Here comes trouble. Ignore him and maybe the male Chauvinist pig will go away." whispered Ro when Mr Peabody walked over to their table. He was dressed to the nines as usual in very correct dinner attire and he was polishing his monocle.

"Oh, you mean the white pooch? He's cute. Who does he belong to? Is he your doggie, Ro?" asked Amy innocently. Ro looked like she wanted to be somewhere else.

"Good evening, ladies. How do you do, Miss Pond. Colonel Peabody at your service. However, I do not 'belong' to anyone. I do have my own 'boy' though. Sherman is staying with Mr Garner. He is being cared for by Mrs MacCrimmon back home on 'Shimougou'. We are getting up a game of 'whist' this evening if either of you ladies would be interested? Just let me know." said the white doggie, ambling over to the rec room/bar next door to the dining hall.

"Who is he? He's so distinguished and polite even if he is an animal, Ro." said Amy. Thankfully, Mr Peabody was out of earshot.

"Mr Peabody, ya mean? I should say Colonel Peabody. He's our logistics and strategies officer. Ooh! James and Jessie are here. That means it's storytime. Come on, slowpoke." said Ro. Then she saw the tall military looking guy in black heading for their table. "Aw, nuts. Here comes the 'Green Baron' (Fritz von Dekker was a direct descendant of the infamous WW I flying ace from ancient Terra, Manfred von Reichthofen, the 'Red Baron') and he's giving us the 'come hither' sign. He's 'OD' (Officer of the Day) and the guard mount officer tonight. I knew I shoulda checked the duty roster today. Stand up, Stupid! He's a Brigadier now, man." added Ro Laren.

"Ach! Fraulein Subaltern Laren und Fraulein Sub-Ensign Pond. You both haf got der guard duty tonight. (He glanced at his wristchromo) You each haf funf minuten (five minutes) to change into uniforms und report to me in mein (my) office. Der Suba knows vhere das ist, Fraulein Subby. Now, scoot." said the venerable older gentleman whom Amy later learned was a reformed space pirate and bounty hunter.

Ro grabbed Amy by the hand and hustled her back to her suite to change. Ro's suite was right across the hall.

"Here. Wear this shirt and tie, this vest, these pants, this jacket, this gunsash, this guard strap, these socks and these boots. Hurry up. Fritzy doesn't like to be kept waiting. Oh and don't forget your garrison cap. You'll be under arms. I'll be back in a flash." said Ro, racing across to her own rooms to change.

Ro was back in less than a minute and she was sliding her Mark XII disruptor pistol into her holster when Amy ran out of the bedroom still buckling on her gunsash. Ro opened a drawer in a china closet behind Amy and fished out a small Mark III miniblaster laser pistol which she slipped into Amy's holster. Then she tossed her a plasma rifle and picked up her own.

"Won't we need coats, Ro? It's cold out there, isn't it?" asked Amy. Ro shook her head.

"Yeah, but with the 'weather shield' activated, the temperature is like 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Let's move it. Follow me." said Ro and she took off at a dead run. Amy had all she could do to keep the other girl in sight. Ro ran up to a slighly smaller hut and pulled the klaxon chimes.

"Kommst (Come)." said a voice from inside the hut and Ro hit the portal release panel and shoved Amy in ahead of herself.

"Stand to attention, Pond." whispered Ro and the two girls snapped to attention. "Suba Laren, reporting as ordered, sir. I have the new recruit, Subby Pond, with me, sir." barked out Ro in a loud voice. She sounded more like a drill sergeant than a cop.

"At ease. You two vill patrol der motor pool area. You vill be reliefed at midnight. Laren knows der drill. Gut (Good) luck, Pond. Carry on, Laren. Dis-missed." said the Baron and Ro saluted him and left.

"What a break, man. We only gotta watch the rigs. That's an interior containment area. Wonder who's got perimetre guard mount tonight? OK, you walk that way and I'll go this way. When we meet, we'll just reverse our directions. Got it?" said Ro.

"Yes'm." replied Amy and Ro giggled. No formality, kid. Just in front o' the big shots. Here's some candy bars in case ya get hungry and here's some nice hot java for ya. See ya." said Ro, shoving a package of chocolate bars and a jug of java into her hands. The candy bars went into Amy's ammo pack containers on her gunsash and the jug she hooked onto her belt. Then she shouldered her rifle and began a long and boring six hours of marching.

Four hours later and Amy was bored when she and Ro crossed paths for the umpteenth time. Then they heard the rustling in the bushes and Ro drew her Mark XIII and told Amy to unsling her rifle. Next they crept around the huge rig marked with a big number 4 and cautiously approached the pilot's side of the cockpit.

"Keep me covered, kid and be careful." whispered Ro. Then she was gone. Amy Pond began to shiver a little. However, she still held her plasma rifle as steady as she could and tried to be as quiet as a mouse despite her thumping heart.

"Your hands in the air, thing! Don't get cute either. This thing's loaded with that 'yellow metal' that you guys hate so much. Drop that weapon on the ground and turn around. Amy! Get your fanny over here- now! (Amy scuttled to the front of the rig as fast as she could and covered the 'Cybreman' android while Ro grabbed the thing's wrists and snapped 'forced beam cuffs' around them and then manacled its legs. Ro held the android firmly and glanced over at Amy.

"Can you drive?" she demanded.

"Unh huh. Of course I can drive, but my license expired last year and I haven't been home to renew it." replied Amy.

"OK. Around here that don't matter. Go get an aircar or a skysled from the motor pool and bring it back here. This clown weighs a ton and I ain't about to untie this bird. We have to get him over to the hut we're using for a brig- a jail. Hurry up. I dunno how much longer I can hold this rascal. Move it, girl!" ordered Ro Laren and Amy took off at a dead run.

"This one OK, Ro? It was the only thing there that I could get started." said Amy ten minutes later when she pulled up beside the rig in a low slung speeder.

"It'll have to do. Help me to get 'Gigantor' here into the boot. He won't fit in the back seat." growled Ro. Betwixt the two girls, they managed to cram the 'Cybreman' into the boot and strap him down securely.

"Oh dear. I hope that we haven't hurt the poor thing, Ro. He looks so uncomfortable in there." said Amy and Ro chuckled.

"He's a 'droid, Honey. They don't feel pain nor do they have any emotions. Besides, we ain't going that far. Get in. I'll pilot." said Ro. "Keep your rifle trained on him. I don't trust these 'Cybre' creeps one little bit." she added, firing up the thrusters and lifting off for the two kilometre run to the 'brig'. Ro spoke into the aether.

"This is Laren and Pond. We're bringing in a 'cybre' prisoner. Have a security team standing by to help us with him. We'll meet ya at the 'brig'. Laren out." Ro slid to a jarring halt a few metres from the large quonset hut 'brig' and Amy kept her rifle on the 'droid. Ro hopped out and saluted the 'Green Baron' who returned her salute smartly. Then he ordered his security team to 'Get dot piece uf rubbish into a cell und triple der barriers'. Ro handed him the vidkeys for the cuffs and manacles and followed her superior inside to do the vidpaperwork.

"Pond, you vill return to your duties. It ist 0400 hours (4 AM) und you vill be reliefed at 0600 hours (6 AM). Gut vork- der pair uf you. Dismissed." snapped Fritz von Dekker. "Don't forget to put dot flying machine back vhere you found it, Subby." he added.

"Mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do or die." sighed Amy whose tummy was grumbling for breakfast which was still almost two hours away. She carefully 'docked' the speeder back where she had found it in the motor pool and then, using her hanky, she wiped it off as much as she could and returned to her boring solo march around the compound.

"Where do you suppose 'Sapper Groundschweig' is, 'Leader'?" asked the 'Cybre Leader's exec.

"He knows what he is doing, 'Number One'. All he must do is 'borrow' one of those space rigs for us. I am sure that he can handle any problems that may arise. You said that the compound was being guarded by two mere children, did you not? And females at that, are they not?" replied the 'Leader'.

"Yes, sire. However, these colonists can be quite resourceful." said 'Number One'.

"Nothing can stand against one of us, my friend." said the 'Leader'. If he could have shown emotion, he might have sounded bored.

" 'Leader', your pardon, sire. I am receiving a disturbing report from 'Sapper Groundschweig'. He is- in- jail. He was overpowered and subdued by- two young ladies. He is now under strict guard behind those infernal 'forced beam barrier shields'. We must mount a rescue at once, sire. And-" said 'Commodore Kryzak', the 'Cybremen's best 'mind seeker' aboard their vessel.

"Negative. We have no time to rescue the fool. He must fend for himself, 'Kryzak'. 'Number One', where is this mine of the 'accursed yellow metal' located exactly? Show me on the vidmaps." said the 'Leader' and his exec pointed out a large cavern at the foot of the great mountain. It was in the exact same place that the well was in 'Stalag 13'.

"Shall I give the order to move out, 'Leader'?" asked 'Number One'. Had he any emotions, he might have sounded eager.

"Negative. It is almost time for suns rise. We will wait until the next darktime before we leave here. I sense others who are not colonists. Nor are they 3WA personnel, 'Eldrad'. Ascertain that we are still under 'cloak'. Then give the order to shut down for the daytime. Leave the 'auto 'droids' on watch. Then shut yourself down until 1900 hours (7 PM). I will be in my quarters." ordered the 'Leader' and he trundled off to his rooms.

"Well, where are we now, you brainless idiot?" screeched the brunette Japanese 12 year old girl angrily.

"Gimme a minute, dammit! According to this galactic road map thing that was in this 'police box' already, we are- um- er- nowhere, man! It ain't my fault, Kira!" yelled the taller blonde French girl who was almost 25 years old.

"Look fer yerself, kid! We are just beyond the 'Aquarian Galaxy' and- hey! wait a sec. Yup. This is 'Zamarkand' and the people here are very friendly. They are watched over and protected by a race of benevolent giant Djinn guys. They grant wishes and stuff. See? Told ya we wouldn't get lost, didn't I?" said 'Mireille de Soleil' to her traveling companion and fellow ace 'NOIR' killer, 'Kira Kamayama'.

"OK, genius. How do we get back home?" demanded the short belligerent child assassin, folding her arms across her underdeveloped cleavage.

"Uh, just a minute. Toss me my jeans. I got a map of the solar system in my pocket. (The completely nude Japanese girl tossed a pair of black jeans to her partner who was clad solely in a G-string and nipple jewelry) Unh huh. According to the 'Star Hustler's Map of the Solar System and Milky Way', we are pretty damned close to home now." said the smug-faced blonde bombshell.

"How 'pretty damned close'?" seethed 'Kira', stomping her foot on the bare metal floor before she realized that she was barefoot. She began hopping around on one foot and cursing a blue streak that would have caused even O'Halloran to blush.

"Oh, just a few hundred million light years. Like I said, practically next door, kid." said 'Mireille' with a half grin.

"And stop calling me 'kid'! I'll be 13 years old in six and half more months and 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' are planning on giving me a big 'Bar Mitzvah', whatever the Hell that thing is, man. Ouchie! This floor sure is hard as a rock!" yipped 'Kira'.

"Duh! It's made of metal, Dumbbell. Well, guess we'll just have to ask somebody for directions back to England on Earth. C'mon." yawned 'Mireille' who wanted to take a quick catnap. They hadn't slept since they had 'borrowed' this blue 'police box' in 1998 back in 'Camberwell'. They had just finished taking out both of their 'marks' as per 'Father Devonshire's orders when they had been spotted by a constable on a bicycle. They had blundered into the blue box and had been amazed to find themselves in a vast metal room whose walls looked like the craft or vessel had the mumps or the measles.

Expertly choosing the correct starter switches by yanking and pushing on everything in sight on the central console, they had succeeded in making some kind of 'pile driver' go up and down while the ship resonated with enormous power and energy. Then, when they had noticed a world about the size of Mars below them and a mountain taller than Everest as well and wanted to land, 'Kira' had simply turned off the engines and they had plummetted to the ground with a heart-rending crash which had thrown the two nudists flat on their faces.

The one control that eluded them was the AC system and the ship was about 110 degrees Fahrenhiet. So, naturally, the two modern day bathing beauties stripped off their gear and clothing until they felt cool enough. For 'Mireille', that meant 'diamond nipple jewelry' on her breasts and her 'diamond encrusted G-string' around her nether regions while 'Kira' went all the way. After some more discussions about how next to proceed, 'Kira' opened the inner 'portals' and outer 'doors' and walked outside followed by 'Mireille'.

The blast of frigid arctic aether soon reminded the girls that they had neglected to resume their attire and gear.

"Way to go, Dingbat! Walking onto a strange new world in the altogether. What an idiot you are, child." chortled 'Mireille'.

"I will not be called a child, old lady! Besides, you followed me with your 'boobies' and keester hanging outta yer own undies, didn't ya?" giggled 'Kira', strapping on her gunbelt and twin automatics and buckling on her swordbelt.

"Touche, 'Kira'. Sorry. I suppose that we were fortunate that we did not run into anyone outside. Ya ready yet?" replied the blonde, spinning her twin Berettas into her shoulder holsters, starpping on her forearm dagger and Panther derringer. She pulled her jacket cuffs down to hide her hardware and followed 'Kira' off the 'ship'.

"Hold it, Honey. Don't want to forget to lock the doors, now, do we?" laughed 'Mireille', pocketing the 'key' that she had found hanging on a rack beside an old hatrack which already held a rumpled old tweed jacket and a deplorable Bowler hat, amongst other pieces of male and female outerwear.

"i distinctly remember that the TARDIS was parked right here on this corner, wasn't it, Ian?" asked a tall striking brunette schoolteacher named Barbara Andrews. The poor woman was shivering in her thin carcoat and short micro-miniskirt.

"Yup. Right here at the corner of Paddington Lane and Wilson Square, Barbie Doll." agreed a tall dark-haired mathematics professor named Ian Cuthbert. His sleeveless tee shirt and Chino pants were ill-suited to the November weather of this section of 'Somersetshire' in Western Britain. The year was 1998 and the place was the tiny village of 'Camberwell'.

"Well, it is not here now, dash it all! Ah choo! I should have worn my jacket and Bowler before we went to see what the 'Baker' Gallifreyan wanted of us, my friends. Ah choo!" said a vexed little man in shirt sleeves and vest whose age could have been 27 or 40. Actually, the 'Little Fellow' (Doctor #2) was closer to 600.

"Gesundheit, sir. Beastly weather, what? If you will pardon me nosiness, what are you three fine young folks doing outside dressed like that? Weather feller on the wireless says we will be having snow squalls this evening. Anything I can do for you?" asked a cheery older man in a constable's blue serge uniform and matching helmet who was astride a bicycle.

"No, nothing. Thank you." said the Doctor, a mite huffily.

"Is there a boutique in the village, sir?" asked Barbara forlornly.

"Is there an inn, my good fellow?" queried the professor jovially.

"Aye on both counts. Jest follows this here byway fer another kilometre or so and ye'll walks right into 'Camberwell'. Well, can't stands about gossiping all evening or the super'll have me guts fer garters, don't ye know. Best o' luck to ye. Evening all." said the cheery constable and he pedaled off up the lane.

"I suppose that it will soon be too dark to see our way. We will put up at the inn that fellow mentioned and resume our search for my TARDIS in the morning. We had best hurry before it becomes too dark to find our way." said the 'Little Fellow'.

"Not to mention this damned icy wind and freezing cold, Doctor. Oh, I wish that I had worn my new fur coat!" whined Barbara.

"Off we go, then. Put one foot in front of the other and soon ye'll be walkin' across the floor. Put one foot in front of the other and soon ye'll be walkin' out the door. Put one foot-" sang Ian cheerily.

"I know where I'd like to put my foot, Professor Cuthbert." said a nettled time lord.

"Yes, do stop already, Ian. This cold blows right through this thin skirt." complained Barbara.

"Yes. I see London. I see France. I see Barbie Doll's underpants." chortled the incorrigible professor of mathematics.

"Ooh! Wait'll I get a hold of you, Ian! You don't have to share my lingerie problems with everyone, do you?" cried the 'Fifth Form' economics teacher. They had both taught at Coal Hill Primary School in London before that fateful day when they had blundered into that old fool's 'police box' TARDIS and they hadn't seen home since. The 'Grandfather Doctor' had 'regenerated' into the 'Little Fellow Doctor' some two years ago and they were still hopelessly lost in both space and time.

They'd been on their way to the brave new world to help in colonization of 'Vic' when a 'cloistre bell' summons from Gallifrey had sent them post haste to 1998 Terran Camberwell, Somersetshire, England to meet up with the 'Baker' time lord who had imparted vital data and other information to the 'Doctor'. Said data he had not been inclined to share with his two companions. They had been walking back to their 'parked' blue 'police box' which had mysteriously vanished.

The 'Royal St George' public house and inn had supplied them with three nice airy rooms on the second floor for a few quid and the pub had turned out a fairly good dinner for the weary travelers. However, Barbara had been miffed when she found out that the boutique shoppe on the high street of the village had closed as usual at six in the evening as had everything else in the village. Luckily, she and the innkeeper's daughter were the same size and the girl was more than happy to lend Barbara some warm clothing. Her innkeeper papa was also delighted to do likewise for Ian and the Doctor.

At nine of the clock, 'Constable Wheatley' stomped the snow from his boots and took his usual dram o' rum- fer medicinal purposes- at the long bar. Glancing round the huge public room, he espied the trio of travelers that he had met earlier.

"Good evening, friends. I see that ye made it here all reet, eh? (He snapped his fingers right beside poor Barbara's ear) Say! I does recollect that old blue 'police box' that ye was argeein' about. Comes ta think o' it, I was chasing two rambunctious young-uns and they both dashed into that blue box. Dunno where it came from really. 'Twarn't there this mornin' when I wents on dooty, that it warn't. Anywho, them two gells- a blonde and a kid brunette- ran inside and slammed the doors.

"Just then, I had ta rescue 'Farmer MacGreevey's terrier from 'Jebediah Foxtrot's hay wagon in the road and when I got back there, the box was gone. I guessed that whoever had stuck it there had reclaimed the thing. Why, whassa matter now? Ye act as if it were yer home or summat. It jest be an old piece o' junk. Fill 'er up, Mabel. Same again, Love. Be seein' ya, gents, mum." said the constable and the trio began to worry. Two kids had swiped the TARDIS- leaving them stranded!

"Don't I look pretty, 'Mira'?" asked 'Kira' who was wearing a fur coat miles too long for her and she was dragging the bottom and sleeves across the floor of the TARDIS.

"Yes, now take it off. It's way too big for you. Besides, it must belong to whoever owns this thing. Lucky we didn't stumble into any guards at that old prison camp stalag, dearie. Then, when the ground shook, I was sure that you were gonna toss yer cookies,' Kira'. Must have been an earthquake I guess. Too bad we didn't find anybody to ask fer directions. Where'd ya find that dress?" said 'Mireille'. The girls had returned at suns set to the TARDIS just as darktime set in.

"In the back rooms there, 'Mira'. There's loads o' junk to wear. All kinds o' neat-o weapons too. I'm hungry. Go make dinner." replied 'Kira'. "The kitchens are right behind them doors back there. The clothes rooms and armoury rooms are back there too." added the 12 year old Samurai maiden.

"Yeah, I'd better change into something comfier too. You set the table for us and I'll make dinner. After the table's set, see if you can find any bedrooms. Just don't wander too far off. In case you haven't noticed, this place is a lot bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Haven't found any phones and my cell isn't getting a signal either. Tomorrow's soon enough to go exploring again. Oh and find the bath room. Your hands are filthy, girl!" said 'Mireille', disappearing through the rear portals.

"Allie, I sense another TARDIS and not too far from here. I sense two human life forms aboard it- female, I think. One is about Mar's age and the other about twelve or thirteen, no, twelve. It's near the stalag. Do you sense it at all?" asked Romana Mandlinkova Caldy-Prydonia. She and Allison Poe-Prydonia were enjoying a final nightly 'stirrup cup' of minty java before turning in. By the by, all of these hyphenated family names are interchangeable.

"Hmmn. Yes, I do feel two other presences here and another 'Type 40', no, an older 'Mark Five' model, I think. Too late to do anything tonight. Tomorrow, we'll take a sled over there and see what's up, Sis." replied Allie who was the leader of this new world.

"Strange. Two humans and no 'Gallis'. Neither occupant is a time lady nor a time lord. That means-" said Romana.

"A stolen TARDIS. I wonder to whom it belongs? Let me see- 'Grandfather' is visiting Susan back home on 'Gallifrey'; the 'Fussbudget' is on Mars helping out the 'ISSP'; 'Old Scarfy's here and so's 'Mad Hatter'; 'Cricket Man' is on 'Minerva'; 'Leprechaun' is on his way here and the 'Kid' arrived just before luncheon. By the by, does he know that Amy Pond is all safe and sound, Sis?" replied Allison.

"Yes. No thanks to him, of course. Harumpf! Imagine the foolish boy leaving poor Amelia stranded in the 'Bad Lands'. What a stroke of luck for that clumsy oaf Laren blundering into the child, eh, Sis?" asked Romana.

"And 'Cead Mille Failte' (A hundred thousand blessings) that she and Amy caught 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' in a good mood." replied Allie. "Otherwise who knows when a trader or freighter might have come by bound for 'Vic'?" added the Lady Prez.

The portals' klaxon chimed and Romy said 'C'mon in, man. We're both decent.' The portals parted and Fritz von Dekker entered and saluted. Romy waved him to a seat and repped him up a large bumper of 'schnapps', the 'Green Baron's favourite libation.

"Ja! Das ist sehr gut (very good) indeedy. Vun uf mein guards ober by der 'Stalag 13' haf found a strange blue 'police box' a lot like der vuns dot der 'time jockeys' runs around in und I vundered if-" explained the Baron, quaffing his 'schnapps'.

"Where exactly is this box, Fritzy?" demanded Romana, almost upsetting the drinks table.

"Right beside der old vell, Fraulein Caldy, mum. Vhy?" replied the guardsmaster.

"Put two guards on that TARDIS, Herr von Dekker, sir. We will examine it thoroughly in the morning. Hmmn. The only time lord who is not yet accounted for is the 'Little Fellow'. Where was he bound and who was with him?" asked Allison. Her 'sister' punched a few keys on her PDO unit and announced: "His mission was to meet the 'Baker' time lord in a place on ancient Terra called 'Camberwell' in the time known as AD 1998. He was accompanied by those two schoolteachers that he inherited from 'Grandfather'- Barbara Andrews and Professor Ian Cuthbert. None of them have checked in since last week, Sis." read out Romana.

"Hmmn. Do we have a key for one of those old 'Mark Five' pieces of junk, Sis? Otherwise, I do not know how we will be able to affect access to the machine." said a worried Allison.

"Oh, no problemo, Boss Lady. I'll just blow it open fer ya." said Ace Johnston whom, as usual, had barged into the office uninvited. The clever little pest was busily unpacking her rucksacks of 'boom booms' excitedly until the Baron took them out of her hot little mitts.

"You vant to do something useful, go und set two guards to vatch ober dot blue box in der stalag. Just ask Sub-Ensign Pond (Amy) to pick two guards fur der job. Und no 'boomy booms'. Verstehen sie sich (Do you understand)?" ordered the Baron and Ace nodded gloomily.

"Yo, 'Mira'. I found a window, man. We gots company outside. Some weird-ohs in black diving suits. Two of 'em, man." yelled 'Kira' back to 'Mireille' who was putting the food on the table for them.

"What are they doing, 'Kira'?" called 'Mireille'.

"Just standing there with rifles pointing at our front door. Ya don't think they knows we're inside, do ya?" yelped 'Kira'.

"Dunno. Sure sounds like they think that somebody's inside though. 'Kira', that's probably not a real window. It's more than likely a TV video camera feed of some sort. Look around for some control knobs and stuff. See anything?" called 'Mira', pouring out milk for 'Kira' and java for herself.

"Whoopee! Like wowie wow! We got a bunch o' little TV sets, man and each one's showin' a different channel!" crowed 'Kira'.

"Those are outside cameras, dear. One of them should show the back of this box's outside. See what's going on out back, please." called 'Mira'. "Oh, never mind that right now. Come and eat your dinner." she added.

"Mmmm! Smells great, 'Mira'! Oh yeah, out back are some robots walkin' around and diggin' a hole in the ground. Pass the gravy, man." said 'Kira'.

"Please. Remember your manners, mon cheri (my love). Robots? Are you sure, Honey?" asked 'Mireille'.

"Yup. Just like the one that took Santy Claus away in that movie we seen last month." replied 'Kira'.

'Mira' raced for the 'window screens'. "You're right, dear. I wonder what they are digging for? Oh well, this is a strange planet." said 'Mireille'. They finished their meal and then settled down for the night. 'Kira's eyes were glued to the 'TV sets' while 'Mira' pored over the 'Galactic Compendium' vidbook, reading all about 'Zamarkand'.

"Anything down there, 'Excavator Phyllins'?" asked the 'Cybremen's exec officer.

"Negative. Just a vein of quartz which the Earthers refer to as 'iron pyrite' colloquially known as 'fool's gold', sir." called up the 'digger' Cybreman. "Might I suggest,sir, that we quit this world before we are discovered?" he added.

"Yes. We might as well. 'Leader'? Do you concur, sire?" asked 'Number One'.

"Affirmative. It is paramount that we not be found here by this world's inhabitants. Make it so." replied 'Leader'.

"Fill in that hole, 'Excavator'. There must not be a trace that we have been here. What is that? Oh, just some old outbuilding. Finished?" said the exec.

"Affirmative, sir. I have transported my tools and equipment back aboard the vessel, sir." said the 'digger' 'droid.

"Then let's be off. 'Cloaks' on." ordered 'Number One' and 'Kira' blinked and then blinked again.

"Hot damn! The robots show ended suddenly, man! They all just disappeared after they filled in their hole. Now it's all dark outside again. The front door's still covered though. (Yawn) Mind if I take the pink bedroom with that thick rug, 'Mira'?" called 'Kira'. 'Mireille', who had just discovered an addendum to the 'Zamarkand' file and was totally engrossed in it, merely replied "Whatever floats yer boat, Honey. 'Night." Then she went back to the vidlog all about 'terraforming' and colonizing this supposedly 'dead' world using something called the 'Genesis Seed' to restore life.

"How about that, 'Kira'? Less than a year ago, they renamed this place 'Victorine' and started to colonize it again. 'Kira'? 'Kira'? Oh, that's right. She hit the hay, I guess. That's what I'd better do as well. (Yawn) That four poster feather bed's gonna be a welcome sight, man." she said to herself.

"Yes, 'Miss de Soleil'. I always used the blue bedroom with the rattan furnishings whenever I traveled in that 'Mark Five' TARDIS that you are aboard, my dear child." said a masculine voice which seemed to be coming from the ceiling. Perplexed, she glanced up and did a double take!

The 'voice' came from a floating bearded head that was smiling at her in a benevolent fashion. For some strange reason, 'Mireille' thought of the film actor, 'John Rhys-Bavies'. "Who are you, sir?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"Where are my manners this evening, mum? My name is 'Rassilon, Lord of the Order of Time Lords of Gallifrey'. Call me Rassy, please. Might I call you 'Mira'? (She nodded, but 'Mireille de Soleil' was in a daze. Thank goodness that 'Kira' had retired earlier!) Splendid! You and 'Miss Kamayama' have been very naughty children. Stealing a time lord's TARDIS and stranding he and his young companions in 20th Century Terran Britain. Yes, I know. You did not really intend to steal the 'Mark Five', but the fact remains that you did. Now, what to do?" said the head and 'Mireille's heart was beating quite rapidly.

Finally, 'Lord Rassilon' came to a decision with himself. "Well, you may as well retire for the evening. In the morning, remain aboard and wait for my grand-daughters to discover you and 'Miss Kamayama'. Just tell them the truth and do not neglect to mention the 'Cybremen' incident. I fear that you will never be returning to AD 1998 nor will either of you ever see Terra, Earth, again. You and the Doctor's companions whom you inadvertently stranded in your own time era in that village of 'Camberwell', will become new colonists here on 'Victorine'. Aha! I see from your expression that you have discovered the addendum to 'Zamarkand'. Yes, all of it is true. Time Lords and Time Ladies are incapable of telling falsehoods. Well, most of 'em at any rate.

"Oh, I do beg your pardon, Mademoiselle! ('Mireille' had been stifling several yawns) I am keeping you up and you have not slept in a solar week. Seek your boudoir now, 'Mademoiselle Mira' and may the Sandman visit you tonight. We will speak again. Pleasant dreams, my dear child. Adieu." said the head and then it just vanished.

"What 'Cybremen' incident?" mused 'Mireille' as she composed herself for sleep in the huge bedstead.

"You call them 'robots', my dear. Just repeat to your rescuers what you have seen. They will understand and take the appropriate actions. Incidentally, those guards outside are intergalactic police- 3WA- you need have no fear of them. They are- how does 'Mademoiselle Kira' say it? Ah yes- they are the good guys. Bon soir, cheri (Good night, Love)." said 'Rassilon' inside of the French girl's own head!

"Telepathy? This place is full of surprises, man. To sleep, perchance to dream." mused 'Mira' and she dropped off to sleep.

"Why the Hell did you have to 'volunteer' us to watch this stupid TARDIS, Ichigo? I need my beauty sleep!" grumbled Rukia Kutschski, formerly a low ranking officer in the '13 Court Guard Squad', a 'soul reaper' if you will. Now, she'd been drafted into the 3WA and she was a 'trouble consultant' along with her 'superior', Ichigo Kurosake, formerly a 'substitute soul reaper'.

Rukia was now at long last, a second lieutenant (jg) while Ichigo had just received yet another promotion and was now a major!

"What if there's a 'Hollow' inside or one of our old soul reaper enemies? Do you really think that any of these bozos could handle it or them as well as two well-trained soul reapers like us? Stop complaining. Romy and the Alley Cat will be here at suns rise to open that thing up and that's only another hour from now." growled Ichigo. "Besides, I outrank you. Lieutenant. Remember?" chuckled the big orange-haired teenager of 18 Earthly summers. Rukia was several lifetimes his senior and still only a 'Third Sword' in 'Squad 13' while Ichigo was the new Captain of 'Squad 5' Some folks seem to get all the breaks, man!

Inside the TARDIS, the girls slept fitfully while several hundred million 'lightys' (light years) and four centuries away on ancient Terra, the 'Little Fellow', Ian Cuthbert and Barbara Andrews likewise were sawing wood like mad.

(AN: Under Time Lord laws, once visited, no time lord or time lady aboard his or her TARDIS may ever return to the exact same time and place. That means that the latter above trio are in a pretty dill pickle indeed! Our two 'NOIR' maidens, however, are in a worse position. As hired assassins, the bounties leveled on their pretty heads in the 20th Century on Terra, are still in effect in the 23rd. And we all know about the 'cowboys' and 'cowgirls' of the 22nd Century, right? Maybe that is why the 'Bebops' were not chosen to guard the TARDIS?)

"C'mon Honey. Allie needs to see who's inside this old piece of junk already. Have ya tried this key yet? How about this one?" nagged Romana to her hubby of a year and a half, 'Jonathan Caldy', space technician extraordinaire and the motor pool officer in charge.

"Nag! Nag! Nag! You're no fun anymore! Last night when we were in bed-" snarled Jonathan.

"Uh, let's change the subject, Dollface. We don't want to launder our dirty linen out here, do we? Nobody is interested in our marital problems, Lovey." cooed Romana Caldy-Prydonia. Her hyphenated family names see-sawed back and forth constantly, depending on Romy's mood swings.

"Oh, I dunno, Brigadier. We'd like to hear about 'em, wouldn't we, Rukie?" said Major Kurosaki, a devilish glint in his eyes.

"Behave yourself, sir. Their affairs are none of our business. Oopsy! Let me rephrase that, please." replied Lt Kutschski.

"Less chatter, more work, children, if you please. You! Inside the TARDIS. It will be better for you if you came out here and gave yourselves up voluntarily. I give you my word as a Time Lady and as this world's President that no harm will come to you." said Allison Poe-Prydonia. Someone pressed a small Mark III miniblaster ion cannon into her hands.

"Better safe than sorry, mum. We do not know who is inside." whispered Thelma Williamson.

"It would be better for all of us if you just gave yourselves up. You will not be harmed. Time Ladies are incapable of fibbing." said Rukia. "Do you really want us to have to come in there and drag ya out, you TARDIS-nappers?" yelled Ichigo, pounding on the outer doors with the butt of his 'Mark 19' grenade launcher. Of course, he knew perfectly well that his weapons wouldn't even dent the blue paint on the TARDIS's outer 'police box'.

Inside the TARDIS, 'Mireille's wristwatch alarm trilled on her wrist. It was six AM and time to get up and make breakfast for herself and 'Kira'. She yawned and shrugged into the magnificent green kimono emblazoned with golden 'ryu' (dragons) which she'd discovered in her new bedroom's armoire. She padded into 'Kira's room, her slippers making 'shooshy' sounds on the metallic floors.

"Time to get up, sleepyhead. It's six. Get up, 'Kira Kamayama'. I'm going to make us some breakfast. Hurry up." said 'Mira'.

"I smell bacon and eggs and sausages and java cooking." said Rukia whose olfactory senses were far superior to any other soul reaper and kilometres beyond any normal humans or Gallifreyans.

"That explains why they have not been replying to our hails or Mr Kurosaki's poundings. They must have been asleep. Thelma, on my desk you will find a 'bull horn' megaphone amplifying device. Please run and fetch it for me." said Allison coolly. Thelma was back with the 'bull horn' in half a tick of a wristchromo. "Here ya go, Boss. Give 'em Hell, Harry." chuckled the officer.

"Who is this 'Harry' person?" asked Rukia.

"She must mean that brat, Potter, the 'parking dock attendant' at the other Boss's flat complex back home." suggested Jon.

"Nah, she means that former American Prez back home- Truman- 'the buck shops here', guy." corrected Ichigo.

"Attention. Your attention please. You. Inside the TARDIS 'blue box'. I want you to come out with your hands elevated. I will give you five solar minutes and then we will enter by force and arrest you for 'grand theft TARDIS'. Do you understand me?" said Allison and her voice had suddenly gone quite cold. Her 'sister' shivered in the frosty suns light, but she was not the least bit cold. Never before had she heard ice in her 'sister's voice before this moment.

"OK! Don't shoot. Please? We are coming out. We just need a little more time-" shouted 'Mireille de Soleil', signing to 'Kira' to collect their clothes and weapons from the bedrooms. As usual, the 12 year old Samurai assassin girl was naked. "We may have to fight our way out, kid." she added in a whisper.

"You two have had more than enough time! Get yourselves out here and I mean now- or else!" yelled Ichigo, unlimbering his gigantic 'Zangetsu', his huge 'zampakutou' soul reaper's sword. Without waiting for an order, Rukia drew out her own rapier-thin 'zampakutou' which was called 'Frosty Death'. A single slash of either blade would cut the exterior 'appearance' of a blue 'police box' in half!

"Hurry up, Stupid! Get dressed, dammit! Where are my jeans? Gimme my derringer, kid. Ya ready yet? ('Kira' nodded, zipping up her heavy jacket. 'Mireille' pulled on the warm ankle-length fur coat. Then they both wrapped the white and silver 'Chameleon Cloaks' around themselves and pulled the hoods over their heads.

Of course, this rendered the naughty duo completely invisible. However, neither Earther girl knew that little fact.

"Ready?" asked 'Mira' and 'Kira' bit her lip and nodded. 'Mireille' yanked down on the big red knob, opening both the inner portals and the outer 'doors'. Both girls raised gloved hands in surrender, their weapons well concealed under their clothing. Poor 'Kira's 'katana' Samurai sword on her back made the kid look like the 'Hunchback of Notre Dame'.

They boldly walked through 'portals' and 'doors' and stood there, hands upraised. However, none of the strangers facing them paid them the slightest bit of attention, until-

"Ho! Ho! Ho! So they have found the 'cloaks of invisibility', it seems, my friends. I would advise you both to get rid of the 'cloaks' and your weapons as well, 'Miss de Soleil' and 'Miss Kamayama'. The 3WA doth warn but once, my dear children." rumbled a voice from the heavens and suddenly, both twin suns disappeared from the aether above them!

"Do it, ladies and I mean now!" yelled Romana, firing her Mark XII disruptor pistol into the aether. The girls were terrified when fire erupted from the tall blonde's 'gun' with a roar that deafened them. 'Mira's and 'Kira's 'cloaks' and weapons hit the ground- hard. Then 'Mireille' stepped forward into the torchlight from Rukia's 'Atomic Beam's 5,000 Lux illumination.

Panic stricken 'Kira' dropped 'cloak', sword, pistols, 'numchakas', 'kanai', 'shurikins', slingshot, dagger, jacket, sweaters, shirts, pants, boots socks, brasierre, panties and 'strabismus'- in that order and stood before them in all of her naked glory! Both guys and ladies ogled the 12 year old beauty until the Baron gallantly wrapped the shivering Japanese girl in his own greatcoat.

"You may both lower your hands. Convey them to the 'brig hut' for now and see that they are properly fed and cared for. We are not ogres, as you can see, ladies. Explanations can wait until a more civilized hour. I can readily see that 'Miss Kamayama' is not armed. Are you, 'Miss de Soleil'? ('Mireille' shook her blonde head) Is she, Ahura?" said Allison and a rumbling roar from above answered her.

"No, she speaks the truth, Madame President." rumbled the gigantic Djinn, seating himself on Mt Peabody which uncovered the twin suns. Rukia and Ichigo escorted the two Earther girls to a waiting sky sled. Then they climbed in beside them. At a hand wave from Romana, her husband fired up the thrusters and lifted off with their prisoners.

"Again, I must apologize most humbly to all of you for frightening everyone. Please forgive me. It has been so many millennia since I last interacted with humans or even aliens, my newfound friends and fellow colonists." rumbled Ahura Galadius Mazdan.

"Looks intact in here, Boss Lady." reported 'Captain Reza' of the Gallifreyan clan of 'Hawkeye'. This time lady was the TARDISes' 'mechanic'. She knew more about 'Type 40's' and 'Mark Fives' than any other Gallifreyan anywhere- even the 'Doctors'! "They even washed up their breakfast dishes and made the beds! Very thoughtful thieves indeed, milady." she chuckled.

"Perhaps they aren't thieves, milady. I mean, not in the usual sense of the word, at least, mum." said Rukia, lighting a cheroot for Ichigo with her fingertip. Then she lit Allie's and her own. Soul reapers are useful folks to have around.

"Look here, Zorin baby. This plan of yours has been bust from the word go, man. We're pulling out, dammit. Voldevort! Impulse engines only and get us the Hell off this planet. 'Widow', plot us a course back to 'Workoh'. We'll hide out there until the heat's off. We know that 'She' has already been there. If Oakbrain still wants to kidnap that Angel broad (Air Marshall Marlene Angel), he's welcome to try. Anything on our 'Cybre' pals, 'Zandar'?" growled Lord Vicious aboard his 'Nighthawk'.

"They lifted off a few hours ago, right after that TARDIS arrived and they had come up trumps on their gold mine being under the stalag's well. By the way, the 3WA finally got those TARDIS-nappers under lock and key and that big galloot 'Jolly Green Giant' Djinn is still hanging around there." reported 'Zandar Zan', an expert thief from ancient 'Lemuria' on Terra.

"OK. Keep us 'cloaked' and let's get the Hell outta here, V. Engage." ordered the 'Red Dragon' gang leader. Running silently on impulse drives only, Voldevort carefully piloted the 'borrowed' starship clear of 'Vic's 'gravity well' and heavy gravitational pull before Vicious gave the order to activate the 'warp drive' and shift into 'hyperspace' mode. Soon they were rocketing towards the mysterious 'Omega Quadrant' and the safety of Boss O'Halloran's home world of 'Workoh'.

"It's about time, Peterson! Did you baboons manage to grab the right broad this time?" exploded 'Zorin Oakenshield', self-proclaimed Emporer of the Universes from his command seat aboard his stolen 'Starmauler' starship.

"Yeah, they got the Air Marshall blonde this time, Zo. Ye gods! Where was she when you grabbed her, Peterson?" yelled 'Firehawk', a voluptuous woman who was half human/half bird. She was the ship's arms troubleshooter and an expert in any weapon you cared to name.

"In the shower, ma'am." replied John Peterson sheepishly.

"I thought as much. Couldn't you at least have grabbed a towel for her and brought along her clothes? She's in the brig- starkers!" complained 'Firehawk'.

"Those 3WA 'Lovely Angel' monsters don't use bath towels, ma'am. They have 'drying alcoves' and we heard someone coming so we didn't have time to pack a bag for the lady. What are ya squawkin' about anyway? Zorin said bring her so we brought her. Give us a break already, Birdie!" yelled an upset Peterson.

"That is enough, 'Firehawk'. 'Gonk'! (A huge rock-like being fully ten metres tall and weighing upwards of five tons lumbered over to the middle of the bridge. He was almost on his knees to avoid crashing his 'skull' through the ceiling.

"You summoned me, sire?" rumbled the 'Otron' chief of security. Everyone on the bridge was brushing small pebbles and shards of stone off themselves and their consoles and other equipment.

"Zorro, does he have to 'molt' all over the place, man?" grumbled 'Time Warp' who was co-piloting the ship.

"Go and bring our guest to the bridge, 'Gonk'- the way she is. That is an order, 'Otron'." commanded the Emporer wanna-be.

"By your command, sire." rumbled the boulder-being and he skulked off, dragging his huge rock 'hands' along the floor.

"Aw, come on, Oakie! At least, give the poor kid a robe or something! You are a cruel and heartless bastard!" seethed 'Firehawk'. Then 'Catwoman's 'cousin' stormed off the bridge to find some clothes for Marlene. Whether 'Zorin Oakenshield' liked it or not.

"Where doth thou wish me to place the woman, sire?" rumbled 'Gonk' a few minutes later. Cradled in his 'arms' was the sleeping blonde, as naked as a jaybird. Zorin sighed and pointed to an empty 'yeoperson's chair beside himself. Obediently and very gently, the 'Gargantuan' thing placed Marlene Angel in the chair and secured her with straps.

"Bind her wrists and ankles as well, Peterson. She is as slippery as a 'Xanthian' eel! NO! I forbid her any clothing at this time!" howled the megalomaniacal madman.

"You are violating 'Galactic Code' for the treatment of prisoners, milord." snarled an angry 'Firehawk', her arms full of her own clothes, boots and socks.

"Would you care to strip yourself naked and take her place, you bothersome bird-of-prey?" invited Zorin, laughing fiendishly. 'Firehawk' dropped her bundles to the deck floor and sat down, cowering in fear. 'Zorin Oakenshield' never made idle threats.

"Awaken her, 'Dr Moreau'. When I have finished with the bitch, you may have her for your experiments." chuckled Zorin.

"As you wish, Mr Oakenshield, sir." replied the mad vivisectionist, injecting her with his own concoction. Suddenly, Marlene Angel's icy blue eyes flashed open and she spoke.

"I might have known that you'd be behind this, Oakbrain. Ye gods! Haven't you got even a shred of decency, you foul viper? You ain't got a clew as to how to treat a lady, do you? Let's get this over with. What the FXXX do you want from me? Uh, you do know that this ship is probably surrounded right now, don't you?" said Marlene coolly.

"Nice try, bitch. You do not even know where the Hell you are, do you? Admit it, Blondie." laughed her captor.

"Aboard the 'Starmauler' some six kilometres from 'Stalag 13' on 'Victorine'. This may come as a shock to you, Oakbrain, but we allowed your goons to capture me. Before we left 'Shimougou', Dr von Bork (Wolf was Dr Cueball's lab assistant and a scientist in his own right) injected me with a 'magnetic resonancing agent'. Your arch-nemesis has been tracking me ever since your dogs kidnapped me from the bath room in my quonset hut. I didn't mind being kidnapped, but I thought that this bozo and his pals (She inclined her head towards Peterson) would have grabbed my clothes first. I knew that I shouldn't have taken my 'morphing bracelet' off to take a shower. OK, here's my offer. Release me now- clothed, of course- and then leave this world. You'll be given a three solar days' headstart before we let the dogs out and you have my word as a 3WA officer and a lady, although you deserve much worse, in my own opinion." said the blonde, 'mind sending' like crazy.

"And if I don't release you and run away like a cowed puppy with my tail between my legs? What then, bitch?" he demanded.

"Oh, I think you know the answer to that one, pal. The Boss is still here. Vicious is high-tailing it for 'Workoh' and the 'Cybre' freaks are headed for 'Minerva' where John Raven's troops are waiting for them with open arms and 'gold blasters'. His lordship will get a chilly reception on the Boss's home turf as well. 'King Varrin' and the 'Ice Princess' have been there since yesterday waiting to spring their traps. So- you see, we are holding all of the cards this time, my friend. Your meagre forces are limited to this pathetic 'ragtag' band of morons and jackanapes on this vessel. (Zorin paled).

"You! 'Gonk'. Release me at once! The rest of you. Throw down your arms, declare fealty to the Federation and you will be deported to your home worlds or anyplace else you want to go. Zorin! For crimes against humanity and 'Galactic Law', you will be tried before the 'High Senate of Alderaan' and may the gods have mercy on your worthless soul, sir! 'Firehawk'? I could sure use those clothes, my dear. Whenever you are ready to board, Dynamo. These losers won't give you any trouble." said Marlene.

A shaken Zorin Oakenshield was 'force beam' cuffed and shackled by his own crew! Slowly, but surely, weapons were tossed down and hands were raised in surrender. 'Gonk' released Marlene by the simple expedient of gently grasping the naked woman and pulling until the restraints broke and the chair was yanked out of the floor.

'Firehawk' speedily helped the Air Marshall to dress in some of her own clothes, underthings, socks and boots. Peterson tossed her a jacket and 'Time Warp' wrapped her in a pale blue hooded ankle-length fur cloak. As soon as she was decent, Mar picked up a plasma rifle from the pile of discarded weapons and grabbed a vidmike.

"Attention! Attention all colonists! It is all over. I say again- it is all over. The 'Starmauler' is on the North side of the river opposite 'Stalag 13' and I have taken all hands into custody. Send me a pilot and several transports for our prisoners. I don't trust this slippery fish pilot one little bit. Angel out." said the blonde, tossing down the vidmike.

"It was a bluff? All of it? Nothing but a bluff?" said an astonished 'Dr Moreau'.

"Sure as Hell fooled you poor 'gossoons' though, didn't it?" giggled Marlene, taking a sip of java from the mug that 'Zandar Zan' had just handed to her. "You do know that I was forced into this scheme, mum, right?" pleaded the oily-tongued orator.

"We're getting off without any jailtime, Zan. What the Hell else more do ya want?" seethed 'Firehawk'.

"So long as you tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. However, if you lie, you'll be standing in the dock right beside that piece of intergalactic filth." warned Mar, pointing her rifle at Zorin Oakenshield who was sobbing and crying. Big brave dictator my Auntie Harriet's bustle!

"You captured all of Zorin's gang singlehandedly- and you were stark naked? You are a very resourceful child indeed. I tip my topper to you, Miss Marshall Angel. Well done." said Mr Peabody who was piloting the 'air car speeder'. Mar was sitting proudly beside the white doggie while Ichigo and Rukia were piloting the 'Starmauler' back to the 3WA base on 'Kagura'.

All of the ruffians were ensconced in the 'brig hut' while Zorin himself, under heavy guard, was being flown to Alderaan by the Boss herself aboard her flagship, the 'LA2'. Allison readily agreed to what the blonde had promised and as soon as the next supply vessel reached 'Vic' in another month, Zorin's cronies would be flown back home to 'Shim's 'Elenore City' where Mr Garner would see to having them deported.

"The first damned thing I'm doing when we get back to the 'staging area' is to 'rep up' a million bath towels! And I'm never ever gonna take off my 'morphing bracelet' again! I was never so embarrassed in my life! Worst of all was that odious toad gloating and leering at me. That's my hut there, Mr P. I'll get out here. I need to be alone with my thoughts. Thanks for the lift." said Mar.

"The pleasure was all mine. However, I would have loved to have seen what you really look like underneath all of those threads and make-up. Don't get mad. Blame my male hormones, child. Au revoir." replied the dog and then he told her that horribly male Chauvinistic joke 'How do you make a whore moan?/Don't pay her' joke. Mar jogged towards the lake, intending to go skinny dipping in the cool icy waters, then thought better of it. After all, she was a grown up lady now, not a kid.

"Hmmn. Methinks yonder lady in that strange attire was about to bathe. I am most fortunate that she hath changed her mind for truly looking on an unclothed lady is a mortal sin or so sayeth 'Friar William'. Strange that there seem to be no game to be had today. Methinks we will be having porridge again for this evening's meal. I had best not tarry here overlong. The gatekeeprs close ye gates to our city at sunset and-

"Hark there! Something be amiss for certain and sure. There is only one sun in the heavens, not two. Perchance a trick of the light? No! Zounds! There are two suns and both are setting in the South? For sure, 'Brother Jerome' said that Sol rises in the East and sets in the West, did he not? Wait. Surely the darkness reveals only one Moon? Yet I perceive- nine Moons! Surely there is deviltry afoot! I must hasten back to the city with all possible speed! Giddy-yap, 'Gunpowder'! Quickly, my noble steed. 'Zerzura' is almost two leagues (A league is 3 miles) from this bewitched forest! Onward, my friend. Halloa! Open the gates! It is I, 'Sir Lochinvaar'! Open ye gates, knave! No game this night, but I have much to relate! Hurry!" screamed the knight.

"What the Sam Hell? Who in Hades is that lunatic? Surely that is a crossbow and for sure that's a broadsword. I thought 'Ivy' (Lord Ivanhoe) and Rebecca and the rest of his friends went back home with the final sealing of the 'rift'? Well, let's just see where this fellow is going in such an all-fired hurry. Damned if I'm walking though. (Marlene spoke into her comm badge) 'Delores', come here. You are needed. Ah, there's my speeder. (Mar tossed her gunsash and ion cannons and plasma rifle in the back seat of her flying car and hopped into the pilot's seat) Follow that nitwit, 'Delores', but keep well back. No sense in scaring the poor fool. Halt! What the FXXX? Into that copse of trees quickly and power down.

"No! Did that knight say 'Zerzura'? No wonder we could never find it in the 'Sahara' on Terra. From the appearance of those walls, the city must have landed here right after we dropped the 'Genesis Seed'! But, how? Come through the 'Continuum' just before we sealed it for the final time, I'd wager. (Mar began tapping a message into her PDO unit which she tossed on the seat beside her. Then she hopped out, retrieved her weapons and 'Chameleon Cloak' and gave specific instructions to 'Delores').

"Return to the 'staging area' and summon either Romana or Alley Cat or both of 'em. I have left a message on my PDO for them. Make damned sure that someone reads it. Now go, 'Delores'." commanded the blonde, wrapping herself in her hooded cloak of invisibility. Obediently, 'Delores' softly powered up and shot back through the aether towards the lake.

When she was sure that her speeder was gone, Mar pulled the hood over her head and vanished. Then she crept quietly up the road to the strange city that had been built by those 'Crusaders' on 15th Century Terra who had lost their way while returning from the 'Holy Lands'.

"Open these gates in the name of thine Holy Father, Son and Holy Spirit!" she shouted in Latin and repeated it in French, Spanish, Arabic, Yiddish and finally, English.

"Whom be ye who blaspheme honest Christians?" shouted a gruff voice from the battlements.

"An Angel (Well, her name was Angel so it wasn't really a fib) sent from Heaven to delivereth ye from evil. Open to me! I demand entrance!" shrieked the blonde angrily in a very haughty tone of voice.

"I see ye not, false prophet! Ye come not from God Almighty Jehovah! Thou cometh from the Evil One! Begone, varlet!" shouted the same gruff voice and suddenly poor Marlene was drenched to the skin with water dumped from the battlements on her! "Holy water? Figures. Next would come the boiling oil and molten lead! Drastic times call for drastic measures so she flipped back her hood and exposed her blonde head topped by her 'New England Patriots' red, white and blue watchcap.

"If ye persist in this foolishness, I will call down thunder and lightning upon thy heads!" warned the blonde, hoping that she had remembered aright what she had seen in this year's edition of the 'Galactic Almanac'. Too bad there were no eclipses until winter on this brave new world. Suddenly, a rumbling was heard in the distance followed by a lightning strike no more than a metre from her left boot! Then the heavens opened and rain pelted down in buckets. Where the Hell was her back-up?

"I demand entry in His holy name, sir!" she screamed, whipping off her 'cloak'. Luckily, she was still wearing her borrowed 'Firehawk' finery which included the head of a 'phoenix' or 'fire bird'. "Ye see-eth me now, doth ye not, Gatekeeper? Open to me in His name or I shall bringeth down this city!" Marlene began doing a Hopi Indian rain dance and, in general, acting like a child having a temper tantrum. It worked. The gates swung open wide and she slowly marched through the opening. Scarcely was she within before the gates crashed shut behind her. In for a Woolong, in for a UniCredit.

Marlene carefully folded up her 'cloak', stowing it away in her 'fanny pouch'. In the 23rd Century, ladies no longer carried purses. 'Fanny pouches' and 'ammo pack holders' sufficed to carry milady's paraphernalia and other assorted junk.

"It be just a lady, a fine one methinks, but still an ordinary lady, 'Gatekeeper Leo'!" laughed one of the gate guards which made Marlene Angel furious. She drew her Mark XIII and, pointing it skywards, she depressed the firing stud. The roar deafened her and sent everyone else to their knees, including some foppish guy wearing a silver crown. The ionic flame almost reached the topmost tower and did set a few thatched roofs ablaze. Luckily, the torrential downpour soon extinguished the fires. She hastily reholstered 'Eleanor'.

"I am an Angel sent here to bless ye. My name is Marlene and I dispenseth justice. Rise. I command ye. Which one of ye be King?" demanded the Air Marshall and the foppish guy cringed forward, pointing to his crown.

"Uh, I am, Your Holiness. 'King Mark of Wexley', at thy service. What is thy command?" he said in a shaky voice, belatedly kneeling and leaning on his sword hilt. The blade looked to Mar like it weighed more than he did.

"Arise, Your Majesty. Be this city the desert city of 'Zerzura'?" demanded Marlene in a loud voice. What was keeping the Baron?

"Forsooth, this is 'Zerzura' and this place be that accursed desert 'Sahara' where mine own ancestours erected this fair city many centuries agone, 'Milady Marlene the Just'. I-" The rest of King Mark's speech was lost in the sound of the explosion when the city gates were reduced to kindling!

Standing framed where the gates had been up until a few nano-seconds ago, was 'Ryuuk' the death god. Upon his shoulder sat Light Yagami, a smoking Mark XXXVII long-barreled sonic ion cannon resting on his shoulders. So much for divine intervention.

"You yay-hoos sure as Hell took your own sweet time to get here. Welcome to 'Zerzura'. Meet 'King Mark of Wexley' and his fellow 'Crusader' descendants. They ain't got a clew where they are, Light. What'd ya do with the rest o' the troops, man?" growled the 'Heavenly Angel of Justice'.

"Uh- Thou diddeth not keep yonder gates polished brightly enough and therefore 'Yagami, the Angel of Light' hath taken them from ye. Look! Look! Look ye upon the son of the one true Almighty God, Jesus Christ! Uh, he's been sick since coming to this new world. Be thine holy cousins, Alicia and Rebecca on their way?" shouted Marlene, calculating how many 'Our Fathers', 'Hail Marys', 'Stations of the Cross', etc. that 'Father Chapel the Evergreen' would give her to do as penance for all of the lies she'd been telling today.

Then Allison and Romana alighted from their sky sled and bowed to Light, 'Ryuuk' and the 'Angel of Divine Justice'. Marlene hastily kneeled down in front of 'Alicia' and kissed the cheap mood ring that Ichigo had found in a box of 'Cracker Jacks' amd given to Allison last week.

"Bless me, Holy Cousin for I have sinned- and then some, man. Wilt thou use thy holy powers to restore yonder gates?" said Marlene and Allison was speechless. Shouldering aside 'Alicia', Cousin Rebecca strode forward and whispered to Marlene.

"We brought along a damned 'repper', but how can we use it, Mar?" whispered Romana.

"Order me aboard the sled. Then just leave everything to me while you and Alley Cat gab away in any mumbo jumbo you wanna. These guys'll believe anything. Where's the 'repper'?" whispered Marlene.

"Under the co-pilot's seat. You better not muck this up, Marshall. Now kneel down again, Stupid. I gotta make this look good." whispered Romana and Mar dropped to her knees again and kissed Romana's wedding and engagement rings.

"Ye hath done well, my child. Our fiery holy chariot awaits thee. Get aboard it." said Romana in a strong clear commanding voice. Marlene winked at Romana who winked back and then Mar hopped aboard the sled and quickly found the 'repper'.

"Gates. Ancient. Solid rock. Replace- now." ordered Marlene and magically, the gates were back again. "This is Marlene Angel. Cancel the rest of the back-up. Angel out." Mar said into her comm badge. At a signal from Allison, the others swirled their 'cloaks' about themselves and disappeared. The unseen Rebecca and Alicia boarded the sky sled and Mar lifted off. Outside the new gates, Light and 'Ryuuk' had already begun their five mile hike back to their hut. The trip took six munutes. The sky sled took two minutes longer because Romana spilled ale all over Marlene.

The first colonists waiting to greet Romana, Allison, 'Ryuuk' and Light and to welcome back Marlene when they returned were the 'Castaways'- Bob Gilligan, George 'Skipper' O'Reilly, Thurston & Elaine 'Lovey' Howell III, Professor Ray Foxhurst, Ginger Grant and Maryanne Summers.

"We seem to have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, don't ya know? From our comfy little island to another planet indeed! Madam President, I am prepared to make it worth your while to return us to Earth and our island. From there, we'll take our chances on a rescue. How does half a billion in US currency strike you, milady?" wheedled Mr Howell.

"I could, perhaps, be persuaded to part with some of my jewelry as well, Mrs Prydonia-Caldy. Much better than that horrible costume jewelry that you are wearing." suggested Mrs Howell which made everyone laugh. Clan Prydonia could quite easily buy and sell the Howells- a hundred times over.

Romana ponted to her necklace from which hung a blue crystle stone, a gift from Doctor #3 (The Foppy Doctor) all the way from 'Metzabillie' and worth in the neighbourhood of a hundred billion in US currency!

"This jewel is one of only six in all of the Universes, 'Lovey' and worth many millions more than your entire collection. This engagement ring and this wedding ring were made by dwarves under the watchful eyes of their King, 'Thorin Oakencrest' and were presented to my husband (Jon Caldy was a reformed con artist) as a gift when he was instrumental in saving his kingdom. I prize these three pieces over all of your gaudy jewelry, Madam Howell.

"The rest of us are just tickled pink with our new accommodations here and we can't wait to move into our new homes in your new city here, Miss Angel. Good to have you back with us, safe and sound. Right, Gilligan? Gilligan? Now where's he run off to, I wonder?" said the 'Skipper' of the 'Minnow'.

"Well, I am simply delighted with my new state-of-the-arts labouratory that has been, uh, 'repped up' for my use. As far as I'm concerned, this is home." said the 'Professor'.

"Ari said that I'm being considered for the lead role in her latest film. I can't wait to start rehersals." bubbled Ginger Grant.

"Wait'll ya taste the new recipes that Colonel Parker (CD Parker, you may recall, is one of the Texas Rangers in the Walker party and quite a chef in his own right) has given us. Sure makes a nice change from tropical fruits and coconuts, man." said Maryanne Summers.

"Hey guys! I'm back. Miss me?" said Bob Gilligan who had just returned from a sky sled ride with the two 'Gunsmith Cats'- Rally 'Cat' Vincent and Minnie Mae 'Kitten'/'Blonde Bomber' Hopkins). They had been exploring some caverns above 'Stalag 13'.

"Do we have to answer him, my dear?" whispered Mr Howell who was thinking of a way to find the rumoured 'gold mine' under the stalag's well. Greedy and selfish does not even begin to describe this Earther!

"Oh and uh, Mrs Poe-Prydonia? (Allison did a double take. She wasn't that old! Besides, at 130, she was much too young to even think about marriage yet). That big dinosaur guy (Dynamo) said to tell ya that some dude named Garner just got here and he's waitin' in your office, ma'am." said Gilligan. "And he said that you're to bring Mrs Caldy and somebody named Marshall Angel too." he added. Then he went back to reading old Earther 'comic books' on his new PDO unit.

"Garner's here? That tears it, man. It probably means a new mission, guys." sighed Marlene.

"He is our superior officer, ladies. Come along. Must not keep Mr Garner waiting. The sooner we speak with him, the sooner we can get back to our evening pasttimes. Must I make it an order, dear 'sister'?" said Allison quietly. Grumbling a bit, Romana joined Mar and Allie for the short walk to the HQ hut.

"Wanna see my new pet, guys? Say hello to everyone, 'Frankie'." said Gilligan and a small 'Seggian vold-mouse' jumped from his hands and leaped onto Ginger's breast causing the poor girl to shriek like a banshee.

"Eek! Get that rat off of my- my- my- my frontal anatomy!" she yelped. Maryanne giggled and Mrs Howell coughed discreetly until 'Frankie' hopped into Mrs Howell's ample cleavage.

"Why don't you just take off your shirt and brasierre, mum?" suggested Thelma Williamson. Like almost every other lady in the 3WA, she thought nothing of stripping down in front of men or even male aliens like Dynamo.

"She will do no such thing. She's a Howell!" said Mr Howell.

"And a Wentworth, Darling Thurston." added his wife. She stomped her foot on the ground and 'Frankie' slithered down her leg and raced across the stones to Gilligan who quickly grabbed him.

"Gilligan! That rat's not sharing our bedroom, little buddy!" hollered the 'Skipper'. "Indeed not, Gilligan. We must study him- after I have dissected him, of course. What a fantastic scientific discovery!" added Ray Foxhurst.

"Sorry, 'Professor'. I hate to burst your bubble, sir, but 'Seggian vold-mice' are as common as Earther field mice in this quadrant. We use them to check for a breatheable aether on strange planets and moons. 'Frankie' probably escaped from the 'LA2' when we transported off it." said Saavik, the Boss's latest 'Number One' executive officer. While Gilligan held his new pet, Saavy was petting him. "They are cute though, aren't they?" she added. "And not at all a nuisance like those 'Tryffyds' we had on the 'Enterprise'." said Ro Laren, coo-ing to 'Frankie' like a bird. "They are quite harmless." Saavy reassured the 'Castaways'.

"Huh? Yes, sir. We're on our way. C'mon, Saavy. Mr Garner wants to see both of us too. Bye, everyone. Bye, 'Frankie'." said Ro, kissing the 'vold-mouse' on its head much to everyone's disgust. Then Vulcan and Bjorn jogged off towards the HQ hut.

"Well, I guess we can close up shop for tonight, Dix. Jeannie (Nurse Huntley) and Joe (Dr Early) can handle things for the rest of the night. Drat! Yeah, what is it? Of course this is Dr Brackett. Who'd ya think it was- Dr Kildare? What? That's impossible! Yeah, we'll be here, Kouga. Thanks. Take your coat off, Dix. One of our vampires has just been shot. Roy (deSoto) and Johnny (Gage) are on their way over from the new city with Eric Northman." Kelly and Nurse McCall had been about to go home following a long double shift at the 'Victoria City Clinic' when the wolf youkai demon had comm relayed the poor guy that InuYasha, the big hanyou, had accidentally blasted that obnoxious Northman kid sheriff vampire with a plasma rifle.

"Are you feeling OK, Kell? Vampires can't be shot, they're the 'walking dead', aren't they?" asked Dixie McCall.

"Yeah, I know that, Dix. Close, but vampires are the 'undead'; Zombies are the 'walking dead'." replied Kelly Brackett.

"Odd you should mention that, Dr Kelly. In point of fact, a vampire has already passed on as has a Zombie. However, a vampire can rise and walk in darkness while a Zombie is a 'reanimated' corpse. According to popular Terran folklore-" Kelly cut off Professor Hiram MacDougall's diatribe before it got started.

"Most interesting, Hi, but we have an emergency case coming in. If you'll excuse us- Better get out some bandages and 'Axileine 50', Dix. Sterilize the instruments and get yourself gowned. Here come the paramedics now." said Kelly.

"It hurts like Hell! I feel like I just ate a campfire! Dammit, Father! How did this happen? I'm a damned vampire, right? We are impervious to Earth weapons, ain't we, man?" whined Eric. Sookie was holding his hand while Ro Laren held a wad of toilet tissue against his glowing chest.

"Ouch! That hurts too, bitch! Ooh! Pretty stars. see 'em, Lover? I-" said Eric as he drifted off to sleep after Dixie had used the 'Axileine 50' autohypo painkiller/sedative on the 'young' vampire.

"Goddy, you are gonna have to teach him some manners. All I can do is patch the wound. There's no projectile inside him like with a bullet. These damned blasted energy weapons are new to us. They were only found in comic books back in the 70's on Earth. Got any ideas, Joe, Mike, anybody?" asked a worried chief surgeon.

"Hmmn. Similar to a 'phaser' wound. I wonder- Kouga, behind the clinic there's a 'Terrak' tree. It's the one with gold and silver leaves. Go and pick a few handfuls of those leaves and bring them to me- and I mean like now, Wolfie! He's going fast!" ordered 'Dr Beverly Crusher'. The blonde medical officer had just been transferred to the 'Coriander'. Beside her, 'Commodore Kiva Nerese', her new CO, watched anxiously while her new ship's doctor worked feverishly on the male vampire.

"This enough, Blondie?" said Kouga a few minutes later. "I hope so, my friend. Hold him down, InuYasha. You too, Mr Godric, Drs Early, Brackett, Morton and Nurse McCall. Hold him as tightly as you can. This is gonna hurt like blue blazes and I hope to Christ it'll work!" ordered Dr Crusher.

"Please watch your language, Madame Doctor. Vampires are sensitive to mentions of religious words." replied Godric.

"Got him? OK, here we go. Pray." said the blonde and she began packing the still glowing energy wound with gold and silver leaves. Then she uncorked a small vial of some greenish coloured luminous liquid and poured a few drops onto Eric's wound. Then she pressed down hard on the vampire's chest with both hands as hard as she could.

"In the name of unholy 'Skaled'! My guts are burning up, Father! Make the bitch bastard stop!" shrieked Eric Northman. His right arm jerked loose and he backhanded Dixie, the Earther doctors and Ro Laren- hard- hard enough to send them all crashing into the metal wall. His strength was amazing! In the name of One-Eyed Odin. No FXXXing more! Please!" he howled, tears in his gold flecked eyes.

"I have never seen my child in this much pain. Is it working, my dear doctor?" demanded the elder vampire. Beverly at last wrapped a kilometre or two of gauze around his 'child's body and then stood back, wiping her brow with her sleeve.

"OK. He's calmer now. Someone hit him with an autohypo of 'Duraxileine 100 X'. He'll sleep for 72 solar hours. Then- we'll just have to wait and see if the 'Lanolyx Green Illumine Elixir' will bind the leaves into the wound or not. Similar to 'dissolvable sutures', gentlemen. How did this happen anyway?" asked Beverly, accepting a mug of hot java from 'Jeannie Huntley'.

"That is what I want to know as well." growled Eric's father.

"Uh, we're late fer guard duty. C'mon, ya mangy wolf." said the big hanyou, sidling towards the portals.

"Halt! The good doctor asked you a question, half demon dog! Answer her!" roared Godric Northman, flames shooting from his fingertips and scorching the portals behind InuYasha and Kouga. Both demon and hanyou dove to the floor. Panic was easily readable on their faces.

"It was an accident, Mr G! Honest Injun!" howled the wolf youkai demon. "He done it!" he added, pointing at InuYasha.

"I was shovin' a 'power pack' into my plasma rifle and it went off. Eric and Sookie just happened to be standing there when it happened. I'm sorry, man." apologized the big hanyou.

"You are lucky that it did not hit my daughter-in-law, curs. Otherwise, I would not have hesitated to kill you both!" thundered the usually mild-mannered elder vampire, his eyes aflame with anger.

"Easy, Poppa-San. He said he was sorry and everyone's been so helpful. Curb your temper, please." said Sookie Northman. She was still weak from the recent birth of her and Eric's twins. Ro and Kiva eased the new Mommy into a chair.

"I must apologize for that outburst. But- my 'children' are my life and the thought of leaving my 'grandchildren' motherless as well as fatherless was just too much for me to bear. Please- where can Sookie lie down. Perhaps a small sedative, Doctors? I will sit beside my 'child' and I promise to behave myself, ladies, gentlemen. I thank you for all that you have done for Eric. Perhaps I could have a glassine envelope of blood- just enough to calm my nerves?" said Godric.

"Of course. Dix, give him two or three 'Hydroxylein' capsulets and some 'B Negative'. That is your blood type, Mr G?" said Dr Joe Early quietly. Did nothing ever upset this Earther sawbones?

"Just where in 'Samarkand' has this wizard pal o' yourn sent us, 'Conan'?" grumbled the 'Grey Mouser'.

"Who cares, 'Mouser' so long as there are monsters to kill, wrongs to right, damsels in distress to rescue, worlds to conquer, food and drink to gorge and quaff, eh?" chuckled his tall companion soldier-of-fortune, 'Fafhrd'.

"I have brought ye to a brave new world, fool. You do not hear my master ('Conan'), 'Subotai' or 'Valeria' ('Conan's partners in crime) complaining, do ye?" growled the small 'Wizard of the Mounds' who was as much in the dark as everyone else in their party as far as knowing where they had ended up.

All the wizard knew was that he had called upon his powerful 'Norse' gods to whisk them away somewhere safe from the angry 'Snake Worshipper' followers when 'Conan' decapitated their leader, 'Thulsa Doom'! Where exactly this crybaby 'Grey Mouser' and his pal, 'Fafhrd', who had more guts than smarts, had come from, he hadn't the slightest clew.

Of course, the wizard was not about to let anyone else know that they were lost.

"I'm glad that you told us to bring our furs with us, 'Conan', my lover. I don't ever remember 'Lemuria' being this cold before, do you?" asked 'Valeria', a Viking warrior maiden whom the wizard had 'raised from the dead lands of shadows and spectres'. She shivered again under her furs and wished that she had not forgotten amd left her pants at that last inn which they'd been tossed out of when 'Conan' had cut the bar in half with 'Krom's sword!

"I don't suppose that your magical powers run to replacing clothing, wizard, do they? Ah-Choo! Damn this frigid cold and biting wind! 'Subotai'? Do you have an extra pair of breeches that I could buy or borrow?" asked the bare-legged warrior maiden who had been a 'Valkyrie' during her 'out of body' experience when she had 'died'. Of course, it was beyond a wizard's powers to really 'raise the dead'. However, only the wizard knew that fact and he was not about to let his five meal tickets slip through his fingers that easily.

"Look. Where the two suns are setting in the South. Some sort of buildings. Perhaps we can spend the night there.I-" said the wizard before 'Mouser' interrupted him.

"What are ya playin' at, wizzy? Even I know that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West- and there's only one sun, not two, dammit! See the moss on that tree?It's on the South, same as the setting- Great Cthulhu in Rylyeh! Moss grows on the North side of trees, don't it?" yelled the little swordsman and that was when all of them began to worry.

"I don't give a damn if there are five suns, a hundred moons, whether they rise in the North or whatever, man! I'm freezin' my bum off out here! Let's go! I ain't afraid, dammit! I'll lead the way! You go first, Lover dear." said 'Valeria'.

"Go ahead, Boss. I'll cover ya with my crossbow. Where d'ya think you're goin', wizard?" said 'Subotai'.

"I-I-I just remembered that I left the washing out back home. I'll be right back." said the cowardly wizard.

"It's OK. I have the little guy. March." said 'Mouser' who was only a few centimetres taller than the cringing wizard.

"I will keep a sharp eagle eye open for any straggling 'Doom's Children' marauders. Ah! Smell that crisp clean air. Nice and cold and bracing. Take a deep breath, guys. Wunnerful!" said 'Fafhrd', who did not have both oars in the lake waters all of the time.

"Oh look! An outhouse and I've been burstin' to go ever since 'Mouser' fell in the quicksand a few hours ago. If you'll all excuse me-" laughed 'Valeria'.

"Milady? These may be a little short and baggy for you, but you're welcome to my old breeches and belt. And here's an old tunic of mine too. No charge, Val." said 'Subotai', handing her some homespun male garments.

"And don't take all night. 'Subotai' and I will scrounge up some firewood. Keep an eye on the wizard, guys." said 'Conan'.

"Strange runes on this door, friends. You guys wait out here and no peekin'! I am a poor defenseless lady, ya know." said 'Valeria'. Nobody believed her, of course.

"Since when?" yelled the rest of her companions. She smiled and turned the door knob beside the plaque which read 'Property of London Metropolitan Police Department, c. 1939'.

'Valeria' ran inside and blundered through the opened inner TARDIS portals. And then-

"Holy Crap! This place is bigger inside than it is outside, man! (Val had a smattering of Saxon English and she was far from being illiterate like 'Fafhrd') B-A-T-H- bath and R-O-O-M- room- bath room! (She shouldered through the portals and walked into the Olympian sized 400 feet long 'bath pool') Damnation! All I wanted was to take a piss and a crap, man!" she howled.

"Ah, then you want the portal labeled 'WATER CLOSET', 'Madam Valeria'. Through that hallway and first portal on your right. Don't forget to flush, my dear child." said a voice. She looked around, saw nobody, but, being polite, she said 'Thanks'.

"Pray do not mention it, my dear. When you have finished your ablutions, please get off this TARDIS. You are not authorized to pilot either a 'Type 40' nor even a 'Mark Five' model like this one." said the voice which Val ignored. She found the 'WC' and made it just in time.

"Ahhhhh! My bladder was burstin', man! Wonder what this white stuff on a roll is for?" she puzzled until another voice said 'It's to wipe yer dirty fanny, Honey. Ain't ya got no manners at all, child?" said the voice. She did what the voice had said and then she stood there with her new breeches and her 'under breech clout' around her ankles, staring at the soiled toilet tissue. "So what do I do with this, man?" she yelled. "Throw it in the water and flush the bloody toilet already! Then get off our TARDIS!" roared a third voice which sounded very angry. She followed her instructions, flushed and then pulled up her 'under breech clout' and outer breeches, slung her ruck sack across her shoulders, picked up her broadsword and walked back to the entrance of this strange 'house'.

"Ye must not mind the other 'TARDIS guardians', child. They mean well. You see, this particular TARDIS was recently stolen back on Terra, what you call Earth, my dear." said the first voice and Val was thunderstruck.

"What d'ya mean- 'back on Earth', sir? Isn't this Earth?" yelled 'Valeria', searching the room for the source of the voice.

"Oh no, dear child. This world is some billions of 'light years' from Earth. We call it 'Victorine'. Oh and that 'campsite' that you want to use for the night has neither food nor drink and will be quite uncomfortable for you and your friends. When you leave the TARDIS, walk 150 metres straight ahead and turn to the left. Follow that path along the lakeside and you will soon reach some colonists. They will be happy to allow you to live with them." said the cheerful voice.

"Live with them, sir? No, you misunderstand. We will spend the night, but then we must make our way back to our home- 'Lemuria' on Earth and-" explained the Viking warrior maiden.

"There are more things 'twixt Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreampt of in thy philosophy, my dear child. I fear that never again will ye return to your home on 'Lemuria' back on Earth. However, all will become clearer tonight in thy dreams. Hark! 'Conan' calls ye. Be off with ye, child and do not worry. You will soon adapt to this new world. Farewell." said the voice and she ran through the doors and back to her friends.

"You guys ain't gonna believe this, but that 'outhouse' is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. It's huge, man! Oh and uh, wizard? We ain't in 'Lemuria' no more. Hell, this ain't even Earth! This place is a zillion miles from our world and it's called 'Victorine'. Some guy inside told me to walk 150 metres straight ahead from those doors and then turn left and we'd find folks who will help us. No food or drinks here and no heat either. Follow me." ordered 'Valeria', taking command away from 'Conan' who grinned and winked at his Lover. 

"Might as well go with her, guys. Val seems to know what she's talkin' about, man." said 'Subotai'. The others reluctantly agreed. The wizard was secretly pleased that he had found out where his 'gods' had dropped them off.

"Halt! Who goes there? Holy Jiminy Crickets! Drop your weapons!" yelled Amy Pond when she saw the rag-tag group of weird-o's approaching the gate to the motor pool's 'docking yards'. "Ro! I need back-up, man! Move yer keester!" yelled the 'Kid' Doctor's companion.

"OK, guys. Lose your blades and crossbows and stuff. That 'thunderstick' she's carrying looks lethal." said 'Valeria', unbuckling her swordbelt and tossing it and her daggers, explosives and other junk to the ground. Grumbling, 'Fafhrd' and the 'Grey Mouser' copied her actions as did 'Subotai'. Finally, big 'Conan' who towered over everyone at two and a half metres grinned and handed Amy his broadsword which weighed close to 400 pounds!

"Ow! That thing's heavier than a Mark XL (A Mark 40 is a long-barrelled sonic ion cannon)!" yelped Amy, nursing her sore hand. Ro leveled her own plasma rifle at the newcomers when she heard Amy's shriek of pain.

"OK! Who hurt her? What'd ya do to my friend, man? Answer me or I'll ventilate ya!" snarled Ro Laren angrily.

"Please! Madam guard ladies, nobody has hurt your friend. My 'master' handed her his sword as she ordered him. It is much heavier than ordinary swords, Madam. We are poor travelers-" began the Wizard of the Mounds before Ro told him to shut up. While Amy covered them with her Mark XII disruptor pistol, a very formidable looking weapon, Ro quickly frisked the strangers for hidden weapons. Finding none, she snapped 'forced beam handcuffs' on the six 'newbies' and marched them over to her sky sled. Amy collected up the weapons and tossed them aboard the vessel. 'Conan's 'Sword of Krom' they left where Amy had dropped it. 'Conan' smiled, stooped and picked up his sword.

"Allow me, ladies." he said, gently laying his huge weapon on the floor of the sled between the seats. Then he assisted 'Valeria' and 'Subotai' to board. 'Fafhrd' and 'Mouser' hopped aboard and sat down where Amy pointed.

"I am too short to reach even the bottom of this strange metal beast! This is a creature from the evil shadow gods! I will not ride in it! I- Ye gods!" whined the wizard when 'Conan' tossed him aboard like a child's rag doll. Then, 'Conan' climbed aboard, causing the suspension system to groan at his greater weight. Amy eased herself into the co-pilot's seat, keeping her Mark XII trained on their prisoners. Ro pinioned 'Conan's wrists with a dozen pairs of 'forced beam handcuffs' before she was satisfied. Then she slid into the pilot's seat and fired up the thrusters. She sealed the roof and they lifted off for home which was ten minutes away.

'Valeria' and the wizard tried to explain where they were from, but they did not have an answer as to how they had wound up on 'Vic'. Amy felt sorry for the tall statuesque blonde girl and handed the Viking maiden her make-up kit. Puzzled, she opened it and showed it to 'Conan' who promptly ate Amy's lipstick! 'Subotai' sampled the eye shadow while 'Fafhrd' chewed on the eyebrow pencils and 'Mouser' used Amy's lip gloss to write runic symbols of protection on the sides of the vessel. The wizard muttered 'witchcraft' and drank five bottles of Amy's nail polish which she had bought 'on sale' three months ago on Mars. 'Valeria' drank half a bottle of 'crimson Lustre' hair colourant liquid before Amy had a chance to stop her.

"Haven't you bozos ever heard of 'make-up'? Lipstick, eye shadow, eyebrow pencils, nail polish, hair stuff? I thought that you Vikes all smeared stuff on your bodies when ya went into combat, man!" said Amy, mentally calculating her losses and groaning inwardly. These baboons had just wasted a hundred and fifty UniCreds in a few short minutes!

"Don't worry, Hon. I'll lend ya some of my warpaint. What the Hell are you doing, you barbarian?" replied Ro. 'Conan' was wiping thruster grease all over his face, arms and body! Then 'Subotai' and finally, 'Valeria' did likewise. "You are not going into combat and the next time, I'll put your hands behind yer backs. Jiminy Christmas! Brace yerselves. Looks like an icy 'LZ' below us. Here, Amy. Drop this capsule when I say go, girl. Ready? Go." ordered Ro and Amy dropped the tiny green capsule overboard. As soon as it hit the ground, it exploded, showering the landing zone below them with 'anti-slide pellets', a little like rock salt. As a result, Ro coasted in easily and had a smooth landing.

"Hey, Ro. We didn't desert our guard posts before we were relieved, did we, man?" asked a worried Amy.

"Nope. Just afore we lifted off, I saw Renji (Abari) and Momo running over from the barracks to spell us. Everybody out. Amy, go tell someone that we need a security team out here. Then, you get to 'sick bay' and have that hand looked at and that's an order, Pond." snapped Ro Laren, pulling the small wizard out of his seat and assisting 'Valeria' down to the ground.

The others hopped out. The security team came running and 'Conan' obligingly tossed his broadsword to the big hanyou, InuYasha, who caught it easily and swung it about a few times as if it weighed no more than a toothpick. The other secuirty guys unloaded the other goodies from the sled. Then a second team showed up to escort the six travelers to the hut where Amy and Ro had their suites of rooms.

"Not sending us to jail then, Princess?" chortled 'Fafhrd'. Ro smiled and pointed around their surroundings. "This place is protected by a 'weather barrier force shield'. You couldn't escape from here even if you wanted to- and with a 'Level Ten solar snowstorm' headed this way, believe you me, you are a lot safer on this side of that barrier, boyos. Hey, Walker! Get these guys billetted in your hut if ya don't mind. I want 'em all kept together. Relax! You'll be sharing a suite of rooms, not bedrooms. I'll be in 'sick bay' checking on Amy, Ranger. Thanks." said Ro, shrugging out of her heavy outer gear.

"Right you are, Miss Laren. Follow me, folks and we'll get ya settled in. Guess y'all have already heard that this is yer new home? Sorry, but it can't be helped. 'Conan', the last time you were with us on 'Shimougou', the 'rift' was still open. That's how come you were able to go back to 'Lankhmar'. This time, that 'rift' is sealed for good. So, hope ya like it here, guys.

"Here ya go. This is our largest suite- 8 bedrooms, 4 baths, sitting and dining rooms, library and study. Take any bedrooms and bunks ya like. Heard that you, 'Miss Valeria', visited the TARDIS. Fell into the pool as well. Well, breakfast is ready as soon as ya freshen up. I'll wait here while ya change if ya like." said Ranger Walker.

"We have no luggage with us this time, Walker." said 'Conan' and the others nodded glumly.

"Plenty of junk for ya in the closets and stuff. Help yerselves. I'll watch vidTV while you're changin'." said the Ranger.

"This is breakfast? Great! Have some of this stuff, Lover. It's yummy." said 'Valeria', stunning in a black and grey jumpsuit.

"And we can have as much as we want too? More meat, girls!" yelled 'Fahrd', gorging himself to the gills.

"We should thank the gods for this bountiful repast, my friends, my 'master'." said the 'Wizard of the Mounds'.

"Shut up and pass the potatoes, magic guy." growled the 'Grey Mouser'.

"Bring more of everything in this castle. I have not eaten anything in ten minutes! I am starving!" said 'Conan the Barbarian' warrior.

"I'm stocking up for later, guys. More bread and vegetables, wenches. Please?" said 'Subotai'.

The other 'colonists' looked on with amusement. However, they did not laugh at these uncouth warriors. Every single one of them had behaved in similar manners when they had first arrived in this time era and on these new worlds. Their Ranger host checked his wristchromo and frowned.

"You folks gonna be OK on yer own for a bit? I showed ya how to use our 'replicators' and ya know the way back to yer rooms, don't ya?" he asked.

"Of course we do, 'Badge Carrier'. The gods will protect us from harm. I am the greatest wizard in the Universe. I will- umph." said the wizard before somebody shoved half a loaf of bread into his mouth.

"We'll be just swell, Friend Walker, won't we, Lover?" cooed 'Valeria'. From another table, someone muttered: "That's just great. As if one set o' love birds wasn't enough, right?", referring to the Viking/Vampire/Fae/Human newlyweds, Eric and Sookie Northman and his 'father', Godric Northman.

"Is this inn always open for food and drinks, sire?" asked the 'Grey Mouser'. "How can we repay your generosity, sire?" he added.

"Yes! Are there any dragons, evil sorcerers, monsters or bad guys to slay? Our swords are at your command, 'Badge Carrier' friend. You just name it and we'll kill it for ya." shouted 'Fafhrd' while the 'Mouser' looked around the vast dining hall and whistled a merry tune.

"Well, now that ya mention it, we could use some good strong guys to help build our new 'VC Rangers' HQ." said Walker.

Four of the five men stood up- rarin' to go. The 'brave' wizard, however, had made a beeline for the portals. 'Subotai' grabbed 'Wonder Girl's 'golden lariat of truth' from her belt and lasso-ed the cringing wizard and dragged him back to the table.

"Please forgive me. I am nothing but a coward and a big blowhard. I lied when I told my companions that I knew what I was doing. I had no idea where we would end up when we ran away from 'Thula Doom' and his 'Children of Doom' after my 'master' ('Conan') killed the leader of the 'Snake Worshippers' back on 'Lemuria'. There are no real gods. I just say that whenever I want to steal anything like I did two nights ago before we came to this world. I stole that 'Lankhmar' innkeeper's gold and jewels and then I had my way with his dau-" said the 'Wizard of the Mounds' before 'Diana Prince' reclaimed her property from 'Subotai'.

"That will be quite enough of that. I apologize to all of you. However, whatever he just spoke was the truth. It is not possible to tell falsehoods when encircled by my 'golden lariat of truth'. Anyone else care to test my words? No? 'Subotai', if you ever touch anything of mine again, I will thrash you within a millimetre of your life, sir. (Di looked at the wall chrome and sighed). Drat. My turn to babysit the twins today. 'Miss Valeria'? Care to share my babysitting duties today? You don't look like you could pick up any five ton stones today. Besides, I could use some company. Must I make it an order? I am a Lt Colonel in the 3WA, you know." chuckled the goddess/princess/superheroine.

"Take the wizard with you, Lover and keep an eye on him. I know that with this 'Golden Rope Valkyrie' maiden that ye shall be safe. I will go with 'Badge Carrier' here. It will make for a change to be building something with mine own two hands, Lover. See you tonight at dinner." said 'Conan' with a wink at his Lover.

"He means building something instead of destroying it, Miss Prince." chuckled 'Subotai', producing a blue rose from his sleeve and presenting it to the Amazon princess goddess. Di accepted it and blushed. Then she thanked him and kissed the archer/thief/warrior on his forehead.

"OK. Let's get you guys into some winter gear. Outside of the 'weather barrier shield' which surrounds this camp, it'll feel like it's a hundred below zero degrees Fahrenheit, man." explained the Ranger 'Badge Carrier'.

"Fair-En-Hite?" asked 'Fafhrd' perplexedly. The term was not familiar to the tall lanky swordsman.

"A method used to measure temperatures, gentlemen." explained Allison Poe-Prydonia.

"Ten-Hutt! Madame President has entered the room! Show some respect for her, dogs!" snarled a three metres tall alien 'Triceratops' dinosaur-like creature. 'Dynamo' ground out his cigar under his boot. Every single person, alien or thing in the room leaped to their feet, clicked their heels and stood ramrod straight, placing their right fists across their left breasts- giving Allie the 'galactic salute'. The newcomers did the same things when they saw the 'Golden Lariat' maiden showing Madam Prez the same respect.

"At ease and go back to your breakfasts, please. Has anyone seen my new 'yeoperson'? I speak of the Earther girl- Second Lt Amelia Pond. Her partner, Subaltern Roanna Laren reports that her bed has not been slept in yet she does recall seeing Amelia in her sitting room before she herself retired last evening or rather- earlier this morning. None of you have seen the child? Oh my goodness. Very well. If she has not shown up by luncheon time, I will institute a search for her. Thank you for your co-operation in this matter. That is all." said the very 'height-challenged' and buxom seventeen year old redheaded maiden in a dazzling magenta purple and black uniform.

Unlike these other 'colonists', Allison wore no sidearms nor did the girl carry any sort of weapons. A 'time lady' has no need of weapons. Her 'sister', Brigadier Romana Mandlinkova Poe Prydonia-Caldy, on the other hand, was a show off and a gun freak. At any time of the day or night, Romy would have on her person any number of lethal deadly weapons.

"C'mon, kiddo. Vampire/Fae/Human twins can be a handful even though they are only a few weeks old." chortled Diana on their way over to the Northmans' place in one of the few apartment towers in the new settlement- 'Victoria City'. Diana skilfully flew her 'air car speeder' through the aether while the Viking girl made a brave effort not to be sick all over this shiny new 'flying chariot' that she was riding in. Di touched down on the roof of the partially finished edifice and hopped out. Gingerly, 'Valeria' planted first one booted foot and then the other onto the roof's surface.

Then she ran to catch up with her new friend who was waiting for her at the lift station. "I usually just jump down, Val. However, you look a bit green around the gills so we'll take the lift instead. It's only a few hundred levels down. 419th level, please. Northern Wing." said the tall woman standing beside 'Valeria'.

"You simply tell the lift where to take you and, well, you're there. Ooh! There they are now. My! How they've grown since yesterday. Hi kids. This is Auntie Val. No, not that one. They thought that you were the Prez's grandmum. Her name's Val too. Well? What d'ya think of 'em? The boy's name is 'Adonis' and the girl's name is 'Nike'. Mind your manners now and say hello to your Auntie." said Diana, smiling at two of her latest 'godchildren'.

The 'children' were almost as tall as Val herself. She herself stood more than two metres tall. The 'kids' came up to her chest!

"Auntie Diana! 'Addie' killed another 'vold-mouse' and sucked out all of its blood! (Val got sick on the carpeting, causing the 'cleaner 'droids' to activate). And he wouldn't share! He wouldn't let me suck any of it, man! (This time, Val ran for the bath room and almost didn't make it. Her retching sounds were ignored by the kids and their Auntie Di). I'm hungry, Auntie!" whined 'Nike'.

Diana looked daggers at her 'godson'. " 'Adonis', is this the truth? (The boy shook his blonde head). You sure? Perhaps you need the 'golden lariat'?" (Diana uncoiled the 'truth lasso' from her belt). "No, mum. Not that again! It really hurts when we are forced not to tell lies, mum. I'll share with 'Nike' next time. I promise. Now, what'd ya bring me, I mean us?" said the golden-haired boy.

His sister, 'Nike Northman', was the exact antithesis of her 'older' brother. 'Adonis Northman' had come from Sookie's womb twelve nano-seconds before 'Nike' made her debut on 'Shimougou' just before the Earther holiday known as 'Mother's Day'. Her hair was darker than a raven's wing, good, kind and loving- much to her father's disgust.

If she was good, kind and loving, her brother was evil, mean, selfish and hated almost everyone and everything. 'Addie' was the apple of his father's and grandfather's eyes. His mother, although Sookie would never admit it, feared her son almost as much as she feared her own hubby and father-in-law.

"Sorry about that, but any mention of blood reminds me of those dozen harrowing days that my Lover spent on the 'Tree of Woe' when that evil dictator, 'Thula Doom' had 'Conan' crucified! It cost me my very life to save him. That's another thing, Di. On Earth, I died and my body was given a Viking funeral. My body was entirely consumed by the flames of purity and I became a Valkyrie warrior maiden. I returned to aid my Lover in his time of direst need, 'tis true- but, how is it that I again live and walk the surface of this new world?" said 'Valeria', the colour quickly returning to her cheeks.

"Because this is a later time era and somehow a new time line has begun for you. In a sense, you have been- reborn." said Diana, punching a hole in the glassine envelope of red liquid labeled 'B Positive' with a straw before handing it to 'Nike' who greedily sucked the blood until the container was dry. Val copied her actions, trying hard not to embarrass herself by getting sick again. Then she handed an envelope of blood to 'Adonis' who was just as greedy as his sister, if not more so.

An hour later, Di checked her wristchromo, stretched and went to the kitchen to fix lunch for her and Val.

"Still asleep, Val?" asked the Amazon girl and the Viking maiden nodded. "They'll sleep now until suns' set. Then they'll go on the prowl again. Don't worry, Hon. They both know what will happen to 'em both if either one of 'em attacks anything besides animals. besides, they usually fly with their 'Uncle Alcucard' and their 'Auntie Vicky' who keep 'em outta trouble." said Diana, igniting a cheroot and tossing one to Val and lighting it for her, using flame from her thumb.

"Watch carefully, ladies. I will now make Lady Valeria vanish into the aether." said the wizard and he began spieling off mumbo jumbo words and then he began to wave his hands and arms around as if he were conducting an orchestra.

"Eeny meeny, chilly beany. The gods are about to make this lady disappear. In the name of 'Krom the Just', you are now invisible!" shouted the wizard who was even shorter than the 'Grey Mouser'. He tossed a handful of powders into a small brazier of fire. There was a small puff of acrid green smoke which stung the two women's eyes. Then he yanked the 'power pack' from Val's Mark XIII ion cannon and, before Diana could stop him, he had tossed it into the flames!

"You idiot! Duck, Val!" screeched Diana, grabbing the wizard and Valeria. She yanked them both under the baby grand piano and prayed to 'Father Zeus' to protect them from harm.

WHOOM! When Val peeped out from under what used to be a piano, the entire side of the building was gone. The wizard was muttering some strange words under his breath and Diana was brushing glass shards off the legs of her shredded jeans. Her jacket and shirt were in tatters and Valeria looked like an ad for 'Goodwill Industries'.

"My apologies, ladies. Please allow me to replace your clothing. In the name of the great 'Krom', re-clothe these beauties." he yelled, waving his arms, clapping his hands and tossing something into the fire. This time the place stunk to high heavens and the smoke was black with white poka-dots.

What had remained of Diana's and Val's clothing had completely vanished and both embarrassed girls were horrified to find themselves in their birthday suits. "Oops! Too much 'zilla root' or maybe not enough 'korra grass'? Let me try again." said the wizard, but the ladies had had quite enough of his parlour tricks for today.

Diana rummaged around in her rucksack 'handbag' and came out with two 'morphing bracelets'. One she tossed to Val and the other went around her own wrist. She pressed a hidden stud on the bracelet and POOF! Diana was wearing a fresh outfit.

"See that jewel thing on the bracelet, Val? Press it. Please trust me on this, Hon." said Diana.

"OK, if you say so, man. Here goes nothin'." replied Val and POOF! 'Valeria' was wearing a sweatshirt, a jacket and leotards. On her feet were wooden sandals.

"Sorry, kiddo. I thought that I'd had Dr Von Bork reload that bracelet for winter. I'll 'rep up' something warmer for you after I get my hands on that phony magician. Where the Hell are you hiding, wizard?" seethed Diana. Her angry face made Val laugh until the tears were running down her cheeks. Then Diana began giggling.

Meanwhile, the wizard had made a hasty retreat to the roof where he 'borrowed' Diana's speeder and lifted off in it.

"The dark-haired woman controlled the box thing (lift) we rode in by speaking to it so this 'flying chariot' must work the same way. Take me to your leader. Please? Oh dear, it is not listening to me. Where is it taking me?" whined the cowardly wizard.

Unknown to him, by ordering the air car speeder to take him to its leader, it was flying him to the 'LA5' because Diana had borrowed this vessel from Marlene Angel. That meant that the machine's 'leader' was, in fact, the newly promoted Air Marshall.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Mt Peabody-

"OK, Ahura has diverted the river so that we can mix the concrete and pour the foundation for 'VC Rangers HQ'. 'Subotai' and 'Mouser'- you're in charge of that. 'Conan' and 'Fafhrd' will handle the Kelvinite panels for the new 'VC CourtHouse'. Be careful once you get above the 400th level because the 'Legal Eagle' gangs are using some of those higher levels already. Walker, you can go back to painting and hanging wall scrolls in the CourtHouse building. Everyone understand? Good. Get to work." said the tall 'Squad 11' Captain 'Kenpachi Zaraki' from the soul reapers' '13 Court Guard Squadron'.

"You tell 'em, Kenny. And no goofin' off either." His tiny pink-haired Lieutenant 'Yachiru', as usual, was sitting on her CO's shoulders and giving orders to everyone. Most of the 'colonists' simply ignored the little brat. 'Yachi' resembled in appearance a four year old Earther girl. In reality, both she and Kenpachi were several Earther lifespans in age as were most of the 'soul reapers'.

"Listen to the brat givin' us orders, Boss. Ain't she cute?" laughed 'Subotai' and a second later, 'Yachi' was on top of his head and pulling his hair as hard as she could.

"A little respect, Earther. I may look like a kid, but I'm a Helluva lot older than you, man! And I'm a Lieutenant too." she yelled until Kenny gently but firmly detached her from the poor archer's skull. "No hot cocoa for you tonight, 'Yachi', if you try one more trick like that. My apologies, guys. Please get to work." said Captain Zaraki.

While 'Mac' the trucker and 'Subotai' and 'Mouser' struggled to lift the heavy Kelvinite 'panels' into place, both 'Fafhrd' and 'Conan' had no trouble at all in lifting 'panels' all by themselves. Both warriors were very strong. At the same time, Ahura the Djinn giant was busily placing entire 'mansard' roofs onto the dozen buildings under construction.

"Lunchtime! Come 'n git it!" screeched 'Yahiru' at noon. She and several others of the 'soul reaper' ladies had been busy all morning 'repping up' every kind of food and drink that anyone could possibly imagine. The guys were all grateful for the break from work. Then Revy Roberts and her 'riveting gang' showed up for their own meal.

The CourtHouse was almost finished and they had made good progress on three other 'high rises' including the new Ranger HQ building. Ahura finished his last roof job and sat down with the others. That was when they found out that Djinns could change their sizes. Ahura was now just slightly taller than 'Conan' and weighed almost as much as Dynamo.

"Hmmn. Looks good. I wanted to eat with you folks so I 'miniaturized' myself for awhile. Miss Roberts? You are the ranking 3WA officer here, are ye not?" asked Ahura and she nodded abstractedly while she was building a 'Dagwood' hero sandwich.

"Yeah, I guess so, Ahura. Why?" she replied.

"Because I sense an evil presence at the stalag campsite. No, not any creature that has been here before. I 'hear' the word 'Shadow' and 'Master', but I am not sure what it might mean. Still, I'd be on my guard if I were you. Any more rice pudding?" said the Djinn who had already polished off sixteen steak sandwiches, mountains of fries and several dozen milkshakes. Although his size had changed, his appetite had not!

"Roberts calling 'Hogan'. Leave 'Xylo' ('Phone') alone and answer me, dammit. This is important, man." said Revy into her comm badge.

"Yeah? This better be good, Revy. I was taking a nap. 'Xylo's over at the stalag picking wildflowers. She's making a garland for 'Nike'. What d'ya want anyway?" trilled 'Bob Hogan'.

"She went to your stalag? Well, tell her to get her cute derriere back home- pronto! Ahura's sensing an evil presence at that campsite. And he ain't usually wrong, baby! Huh? She left her comm badge and vidcellphone at your place? Then take a few of your pals and go get her, man! (She lowered her voice to a whisper) Bobby, if it's who I think it is, your lady love is in danger. He 'heard' the words 'Shadow' and 'Master'. If it's the 'Shadow Master' he's sensing, we are all in deep doo-doo! Hell! Meet me at your stalag. I'm leavin' now. Roberts out." said Revy, giving orders for half of her 'riveters' to come with her.

"You as well, Ahura and you'd better resume your true size, pal. That dumbbell, Hogan let his new girlfriend, 'Xylo Phone', go off on her own to pick flowers at the stalag. Ahura? This guy sounds like it coud be the 'Shadow Master'. If it is, we may need the Boss!" growled Revy, buckling on her gunsash and slinging her plasma rifle across her back.

"Coming, Miss Roberts. You guys may as well come with us. Don't forget your weapons." said 'Conan' to 'Fafhrd', 'Mouser', 'Subotai' and 'Mac'.

"Good. But, I meant our Boss, not yours, guys." said Revy.

"I'll come as well, ma'am. Hopefully, we won't need that Amazon wildcat!" said the Ranger.

"Darn it! These 'carnelias' are pretty, but as cold as ice. Great! They don't weave like honeysuckle. Well, time for lunch anyway. Now, where'd I put that picnic basket?" said 'Xylo Phone' aloud.

"D'ya mean this, milady? Allow me." said a tall guy in black whose face was hidden by a long black cloak.

"Thanks. My name's 'Xylo', Mr-" said the green-haired alien girl.

"You may call me 'Shade', 'William Shade'. I, uh, do not recall seeing you around these parts before, 'Madam Xylo'." he said courteously.

"Nor do I remember seeing you, sir. Please sit down and share my lunch. I always bring along too much food." said 'Xylo', struggling to open a jar of preserved pickles.

"Allow me, milady. There you go. Takes a bit of strength. Hmmn. Very good. Something like the ones that my own dear wife used to make for us." said 'Shade'.

"Oh? Is your wife here as well, sir?" asked 'Xylo' who was very nosy. He sighed.

"Alas, no. I lost her during the 'Clonic Wars' back home in 'Symphonia' many decades agone, Madam." he replied.

"That's odd." thought 'Xylo'. "He seems pleasant enough, but he casts no shadow. I wonder why?" she mused to herself.

"I see that you are wondering why I cast no shadow, milady. I fear that I have an annoying habit of reading other people's thoughts. I did not mean to frighten you. Where I hail from, when we leave our world, we are forced to leave our shadows behind until we return to reclaim them. Oh my! Your face is quite sunburnt, milady. I have a small cottage just across the rise.

"After luncheon, I will take you there. I have an ointment that will clear up that redness and soreness in a jiffy. Ah! Fried chicken. May I? Excellent. Hmmn. You, Madam, are a first class cook. No, you stay right there and rest. I'll do the dishes for you. 'Xylo'. A very pretty name, albeit not a common one. Pray tell, what is your family name, milady?" said 'Shade'.

"Phone- 'Xylo Phone' and please, no remarks about musical instruments. I get teased enough as it is. Ooh! That sunburn does hurt. I think that I will take you up on your kind offer of succour. I wish that we did not have to walk though." she said.

"Come, 'Oberon'. This lady needs a ride." said 'Shade', snapping his fingers.

Suddenly, a huge black 'steed beast' (Like a horse) stood beside him, snorting and champing at his bit. Then red flames shot from his mouth. She cringed a little. "Not to worry. 'Oberon' is quite the gentleman, milady. His mother was sired by a dragon and 'Oberon' is part 'steed beast' and part dragon. Up you get, milady. Take the reins while I pack up the luncheon things. There. No, I will carry the basket. Can you ride?" said 'Shade'.

"Since I was four, man." giggled 'Xylo'. "Then follow me and try to keep up." he replied, trotting ahead at a fast clip. She dug her bare heels into 'Oberon's flanks and the animal was off like he'd been shot out of a Mark XL cannon! A 'little over the rise' turned out to be ten kilometres! At last, she reined in when 'Shade' pointed to a log cabin in front of them. He lifted her from the beast and carried her and the basket into the hut.

"My goodness, 'Mr Shade'! If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this place is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside." she said in amazed wonder.

"Yes, it is. All TARDISes are bigger on the inside, milady. If you'd care to freshen up, the bath room is through that portal. Help yourself to anything in the bedroom. You and my late wife would seem to have the same measurements. If you'll excuse me, I'll brew us some tea. Take your time. I'll comm relay Mr Hogan for you while you're bathing." he assured the alien girl and she pushed open the portals and almost fell into the Olympic-sized bath pool! The water was so warm and bubbly that 'Xylo' had soon lost track of time.

"Now we shall see what the 3WA will do for me. Once they find out that I have kidnapped one of their precious 'Lovely Angels', the minx vixen, Yuri Donovan, they will play a different tune. What a moniker to choose- 'Xylo Phone'. Did she think that I, the 'Master of Shadows' would be fooled by an alias that sounded so phony? Hah! Now to head for home. 'Symphonia', here I come. I wonder where the RAVE Master' and his friends are these days?"

'Mr Shade' mused to himself while he was manipulating the TARDIS controls. "How simple this 'chameleon circuitry' is to operate. This 'cottage' is a lot better than that old cigar store Indian appearance was when I found this 'Mark Five' traveling machine in Miss Poe's sitting room. Hark! Does the vixen suspect something is amiss? Of course not. Hmmn. I wonder how long this voyage will take?" he mused to himself while idly turning the screens of the 'Galactic Compendium' that he had discovered in the cabinets beneath the 'bridge's console.

"Well! Twenty-four solar hours. Not bad for a trip that took me almost six monthlets. I'd better whip up some 'Yalusium' ointment for her sunburn. Then all I must do is convince the child to spend the night here. When she awakens, we will be on 'Symphonia'." said the 'Master of Shadows' to himself. Then the portals opened and 'Xylo' came into the sitting room, drying her hair.

"How refreshing that bath was, sir. I love this golden dragons dressing gown and these furry slippers are so warm. Thank you for your kindness, 'Mr Shade'. May I help you with preparing dinner? Thanks for the gown and slippers. So comfy. I really love 'em." said 'Xylo'.

"Then they are yours, my dear, with my compliments, Madam. Now we'd better get some 'Yalusium' on that sunburn of yours, Miss 'Xylo'. Not to worry. 'Mr Hogan' said that it would be best for you to spend the night here and you may ride 'Oberon' back home in the morning. It's almost dark outside, my dear girl. Mr Walker has given his permission for you to stay the night as well. Now, please remove your gown and lay on your tummy. Over on the divan I think. Let me get some of this stuff on that sunburn. You will, of course, tend to the front of yourself after I have left the room." said 'Mr Shade' soothingly.

'Xylo' shrugged off her gown and laid herself face down on the divan, making sure that her fanny was covered. His hands were cool at first, then they became a little icy to the touch. However, the salve he was spreading across her back soon began to feel cooler while the fire was being pulled out of her body. It felt great! "Ooh! That feels so good, 'Mr Shade'. Now, if you don't mind, I'll finish the rest myself, sir." she said.

"As you wish, my dear child. I'll be in the kitchen making our dinner. If it is not too much trouble and you feel up to it, please set the table in the dining room. You'll find dishes and silverware and cutlery in that china cupboard behind you." replied 'Mr Shade'.

'Xylo' waited until the portals had closed behind the guy before she removed her robe and slippers. She slathered the pleasant- smelling yellow salve across her breasts, tummy, chest legs, feet, arms, hands and private parts. "Mind if I change into some of your late wife's clothing, sir?" she called.

"Of course not. Help yourself. What's mine is yours, Miss 'Xylo'. My wife's wardrobe room is at the end of the back hallway, my dear. Hurry up and set the table so that we can eat." called 'Mr Shade' from the kitchen.

"I'll be back in a jiffy, sir. Promise." she called from the back hallway. First, she carefully hung up the gown in a closet and placed the slippers on the top shelf. Then she located panties, brasierre, socks, boots, a heavy grey turtleneck sweater and a beautiful silver and green pantsuit which matched her green hair perfectly. Then she dressed quickly and when her host brought in the roasted grouse, she had just finished setting the table. Then they brought in the steamed veggies, mashed potatoes and wine.

"That dinner was so delicious and this wine is heavenly, sir." she said. 'Xylo' was stuffed after the blackberry pie dessert.

"Have some tea, child. It will help you to relax." he said soothingly and she had barely finished her tea when her eyes became heavy and she dropped off to sleep. 'Mr Shade' carried the sleeping girl into a bedroom, laid her on a bunk and covered her with a blanket.

"This is your 'Master'. I'll be arriving home tomorrow morning- with a guest. Prepare a room for the young lady. Yes, she will be staying with us for some time, "Gallanard'. Eh? Oh, her name is Yuri Donovan. Yes. One of the 'Dirty Pair' Angels. We shall see whether or not they know where the 'Shadow Sword' and its 'Shadow Stones' are located. That's the ransom if they ever expect to get the 'Commodore' back again. Any signs of the 'RAVE' gang around there? No? I wish that I knew where that foolish 'RAVE Master' was, my friend. That would complete my revenge. Hush. No, it's OK. She's merely turning over in her sleep. I gave her enough 'Silensa' to fell a 'bull elephantasaurus', 'Gallanard'. Thank you, my friend. 'Master of Shadows' out." said 'Xylo's host.

He tossed down the vidmike and carried the girl's fanny pouch and rucksack to the table and upended their contents onto the table. He pocketed the 'laser sword hilt', small Mark III miniblaster, 'morphing' bracelet and a tiny 'homing beacon' gadget. The rest of the junk save for 'Xylo's vidID cards and other stuff that identified her new alias, he shoveled back into fanny pouch and rucksack. Then he carefully eased open her bedroom portal and placed both pouch and sack at the foot of her bunk. He frowned at the headphones on the girl's ears and then smiled when he saw that they were attached to his wife's old vidradio.

He carefully removed the 'phones' from her head and laid them beside the vidradio which he switched off. Then he tip-toed back to the sitting room and watched vidTV while he cleaned his daggers and guns. Soon they would be home.

"Hey! Any of you guys seen 'Xylo' today?" asked a worried former USAA 'Colonel Robert Hogan'.

"She went to pick flowers, mate." replied former RAF Corporal Alvin Newkirk who was playing poker with former Luftwaffen Sergeant Hans Schultz, his former Kommandant Colonel Wilhelm Klink, former French AF Corporal Louie LeBeau, former Gestapo SS Major Wolfgang Manfred Hochstetter and former USAA Sergeants Johnny Kinchloe and Andy Carter. Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter (She was married to 'Wolfie') was serving 'repped up' sandwiches and 'Dortmunder' beer to the card players for lunch.

"I helped her to pack a picnic basket for her lunch this morning, Bobby. She vas going to pick wildflowers for a garland dot she ist making for little 'Nike' Northman. I haf not seen her since. Sorry, Hogan. Alright, 'Wolfie'! Control yourself. I know dot ve hafn't done 'it' since Tuesday und I still haf a headache. More beer, Hogan?" said Helga.

"She told me that she was gonna go over to old 'Stalag 13', sir. Raise ya a hundred UniCreds, Alvie." said Carter.

"Vat do you mean by 'old', Andrew? 'Stalag 13' was built in 1942 and it's only two years old. I'm out- again." said Klink.

"Yeah, mate, but that was like 300 years ago. Raise ya another hundred UC's and call ya, Schultzy." said Newkirk.

"If I promise to make a nice big apple streudel for tonight's dessert, Schultzy, would you let me sign an IOU for five hundred UniCreds? Please?" asked LeBeau who was a better chef than the 3WA's own Trace Edwards.

"Hmmn. Mit lots uf vipped cream and black cherries on top?" asked the big fat former sergeant.

"Of course, mon ami (my friend). So- how about it?" asked the Frenchman.

"OK. I vill accept your IOU, little cockroach. Call." said Schultzy.

"Raise a hundred and call. Show us your cards, Schultzy." said Louie.

"Three knaves. Der pot ist mine, I think?" chuckled the big guy while the others threw down their cards in disgust.

"One moment, please. Royal flush. My pot, gentlemen." laughed Lebeau, gathering up the loot and tossing 500 UC's to Hans.

"No streudel tonight? Such a pity." whined Schultzy.

"Of course there will be streudel tonight. I promised, didn't I? Helga is whipping the cream now and Alvie and Andy just volunteered to pick some black cherries for you. On the other side of the lake is a cherry tree grove and the fruit is ripe. Get going or no streudel for you tonight." chortled Louie.

"Pardon the interruption, gentlemen, but have any of you seen 'Lt Phone' anywhere? The Boss can't read the handwriting on her report. I do wish that she'd use a PDO unit like the rest of us, man." complained Brigadier Romana Prydonia-Caldy.

"Ve vere just discussing dot, Fraulein Romana, mum. Nobody haf seen her since this morning." said Helga.

"I'd better comm relay her then. Alley Cat's very pissed off at her." giggled Romana.

"Don't bother, Brig. She left her comm badge and vidcellphone at home." said Hogan.

"Well, she still has a 'homing beacon' in her fanny pouch. I put it in there myself. That's odd. The signal seems to be coming from offworld. Damned thing must have a glitch. Trust Von Bork and Cueball to screw it up, man." said Romana.

"Vun moment, Fraulein Brigadier. Let me dee dot t'ing. Aha! It ist vorking perfectly fine. However, if this reading ist correct, she ist many thousands uf 'lightys' (light years) away from dis vorld!" said the 'Green Baron', Fritz von Dekker and they all began to worry!

END of Chapter 2. Chapter 3 'Xylo in Trouble' or 'A Rude Awakening' to follow soon. Too hot here to start Chapter 3 yet. Me and the Boss Man KZ are suffocating, folks. These 'Dig Days' are the pits, man! Well, thanks for all of your loyalty and support and thankee for reading our vidreports and vidlogs about our adventures. Please remember- Read/Review/Suggest. We are happy to say that our works have never been 'bullied' by our loyal fans. For that, 'Your Friendship Team' is very grateful. And I am glad to have been privileged to be chosen for a role in this brand new fanfiction work. Kami bless everyone!- Amy Pond, 3WA Sub-Ensign/Yeoperson.


	3. Ch3 'Xylo In Trouble'A Rude Awakening'

Victors of Victorine Chapter 3 'Xylo In Trouble' or 'A Rude Awakening'

DISCLAIMER: Hullo there. This is Amelia Pond. You guys know me as Amy, the 'Kid' Doctor's companion. First off, I got no idea where the Hell I am. All I remember is a sickly sweet smell from the rag held across my face. Then I woke up in some kinda stone-walled castle tower room. When I hit the hay after my guard duty shift, I was too tuckered out to bother undressing- yet when I came to, I was wearing my brasierre and new thong panties- and nothing else!

Well, I do remember that I was supposed to read the legal stuff for the Boss Man KZ and Mr Story Teller Guy. I memorized it so here goes nothing. First, we want to thank Mr Haruka-San Takachiho for his Angelic creations as well as any and all of the other creators whose creations we have used, are using or may use in the future.

It goes without saying that our own creations may be used by anyone who wants to use them so long as we get proper credit for their creations. Darn! There's nothing in here to wear except for a flimsy nightie and pegnoir and a pair of wooden sandals. Better than nothing, I suppose.

There is another girl in the room next to this one and her name is 'Xylo Phone'. She told me that the last thing she remembers is drinking tea in an old cottage and waking up here in her undies. She tells me that she was with a 'Mr William Shade', probably an alias. She did mention something quite peculiar though. This 'Mr Shade' casts no shadow!

How can I speak with 'Miss Phone' you ask? Through the communicating ventilator between our adjoining rooms. Mine's in the wall behind my bunk and hers is behind an old bureau. However, I'm jumping the gun a little. Let me turn you over to 'Mr Galliard', the alien guy who brought me some breakfast which I dare not touch. I discovered that my room has a bath tub and shower (No shower curtain), a, uh, toilet and a small wash basin. I've been using the basin and my cupped hands to drink a little water and 'Xylo' said that she's trying to live on water until help comes.

She told me that although she did leave her comm badge and vidcellphone at home with her boyfriend, 'Mr Bobby Hogan', she did recall having a 'homing beacon' gadget in her fanny pouch. She said that she had set it to activate as soon as darktime came to the new world. So that means that we can be tracked!

Why were we kidnapped? That's a puzzler, man. Clearly, it must be a case of mistaken identity because 'Doctor' has no money and neither does 'Xylo' nor her friends from her home world of 'Agrorius'. OK, I'm gonna let Mr Story Teller Guy pick up the narration thread now. If you're able to hear me, Ro, I am 'mind sending' like mad and so is 'Xylo'. Please hurry up and send someone to rescue us. 'Mr Galliard' is a nice guy, but I have yet to meet his 'master', whom he refers to as the 'Salvation of Symphonia'. Maybe that's where we are, huh? Take it away, Mr Story Teller Guy.

"I hope that I got the right 'Yuri Donovan' this time, 'Galliard'. How's the one called 'Amelia' doing?" demanded the 'Master of Shadows' when he touched down with his 'borrowed' 'Mark Five' TARDIS at his castle in Northern 'Symphonia' the next morning.

"She won't eat and she's howling about catching pneumonia. I did not dare to provide her with clothing without your permission, 'master'." replied his major domo servant.

'Shade' handed a key to his lackey. "Here. You will find the green-haired bitch in one of the TARDIS's bedrooms. Put her in the tower room next to 'Amelia's. Better remove her outer garments as well. Provide both ladies with suitable attire for the castle. Do it tonight after the drugged water in the basins has done its job. They have been trained not to eat or drink anything given to them by their captors. However, they will assume the piped-in water to be safe." said 'Shade', grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

"But, 'master', why not simply return their own clothes to the ladies?" asked 'Galliard'.

"Aha! That reminds me. I will have a job for you after dinner tonight. I want you to take their original clothing and phony vidID's and jewelry to the 3WA 'Office of the Day'. Use one of the sky sleds for the trip. You know how to get to 'Victorine', do you not?" ordered his 'master'.

"How to get there? I never even heard of the place, sir." replied his lackey.

"Of course you have, fool. You and I have been there many times in the past. You know it as 'Zamarkand'. Oh, use the 'Galactic Compendium' in the cottage/TARDIS. I am weary. Awaken me for luncheon. You have your orders." growled his 'master'.

"Oh, don't forget to take luncheon in to our guests. Perhaps they will be hungry enough to eat something this time. Don't drug the food and beverages this time and eat and drink some of it yourself in front of them. That should satisfy them. Try calling each of them 'Commodore Donovan'. Perhaps the right one will respond to her real name. Then we'll know for sure that I have taken the minx vixen bitch." grumbled 'Shade'.

"By your command, 'master'. Sleep well, sir." replied 'Galliard'.

"Hmmn. A tight squeeze, but I might be able to get through the window, Amy. The problem is that my knotted sheets won't reach all the way to the ground. And I'd more 'n likely freeze my buns off." said 'Xylo' softly to Amy Pond, using their 'comm relay ventilator'.

"No, but if we knotted your sheets and mine together- what if I leaned out of my window and helped you across to my window? Then we'd have a better chance and both of our sheets and blankets should be able to get us down safely. Same problem though. The cold and that biting wind, man. Sssh! 'Mr Galliard's coming, I think." whispered Amy.

"Well, those four suns are directly above the castle so it must be time for lunch. I'm famished, girl. Think we might chance the food and tea this time, kid?" whispered 'Xylo'. She just had time to shove the bureau back against the wall and jump under the covers before her portal shooshed open.

"Your luncheon, my child. Please try and eat something, Love. Look. I'll try some of the soup, take a bite from the steak and a sip of the tea. See? No poison. Please eat something for me, 'Commodore Donovan'. For me? Please?" asked the kindly old 'Gryvian' retainer. 'Xylo' almost fell out of the bunk!

"What did you say, 'Mr G'?" she demanded, holding the blankets up to cover her nakedness.

"I said that the food and beverages are not poisoned, my Love." he replied.

"No, I mean- after that. What did you just call me?" she asked perplexedly.

"Uh, 'Commodore Donovan'. That is your true name, is it not?" asked the 'Gryvian'.

"No, it is NOT, sir! I told you- my name is 'Xylo Phone' and I am a first lieutenant, sir." she snapped.

"Well, please try and eat something, my Love. I will return for the dishes." he said, shuffling back through the portal.

Next door, he repeated his actions and ended with "Would you care for something different, 'Commodore Donovan'?"

"Huh? Who the Hell's this 'Donovan' guy? My name's Amelia Pond. Amy. And I'm a Sub-Ensign, not a Commodore, 'Mr G', sir." explained the blonde 'yeoperson'.

"My error, Miss. Just following orders, Love. Do try and eat something, my Love. I'll be back for your dishes later. Bon appetit." said the kindly alien, exiting the room.

"Amy? You there, man?" whispered 'Xylo'.

"Yeah. That guy thought that I was some guy named 'Donovan'." whispered Amy.

"Yeah, me too. He called me a Commodore as well, kid. Now our kidnappings make sense! Amy, don't you know who 'Commodore Donovan' is?" 'Xylo' raised her voice a fraction.

"Nope. I just got here, man. Who is he anyway?" asked Amy, trying to keep her voice low. It didn't really matter because 'Galliard' was sitting listening through his headphones to their yakking. All of the castle's rooms were 'bugged'.

"Not 'he', 'she'. 'Yuri Donoavan' is a 'Vice-Marshall' and she's second in command to the Boss Lady, 'Supreme Marshall Extraordinaire Kei O'Halloran' herself! Neither of these bozos here know what the 'minx vixen' looks like! We're both around her age though, so 'Shade' grabbed you first and then he got me for good measure! Donovan was due in to 'Victorine' on the next supply transport vessel, but it got delayed by the solar storms around Mars!" whispered 'Xylo' excitedly.

"Cool! As soon as they realize their errors, they'll let both of us go. Right?" whispered Amy, fingers and toes crossed.

"Get real, kiddo! We've both seen 'Mr Galliard' and I've seen 'Mr Shade'. They can't afford to let us go! If- Ssssh! Hear that click? These bloody rooms are 'bugged'!" For this last statement, 'Xylo' used 'mind send'. "Listen to me, Amy and act natural! I am 'mind sending' to you and you can 'mind send' to me by merely 'thinking' your words to my mind. Tonight we'll try your plan. Maybe we can find something to wear in the outbuildings of the castle. If our friends are coming here to rescue us, they can't get here before tomorrow. Later, if they hit those storms, man. Listen! About 5 metres below your window I can see a spiral stair- must be a fire escape. When we braid our blankets and sheets and pillowcases together, we'll have a 'rope' of maybe- 3 metres. We'll just have to drop the remaining 2 metres to that stair top. We'll use strips of sheet to bind pillows to our feet which should lessen the impact when we drop. Right after dinner, it'll be dark outside. That's when I'll swing across with my braided 'rope' and pillows. You'll have your 'rope' and pillows ready by then as well. It'll take a few minutes to braid both 'ropes' together and bind the pillows to our feet. I found an old bathrobe in the closet. See if you have one as well. If not, wear that nightie and pegnoir. We'll lower our sandals down first. Then we'll make our escape. With a bit of luck, we'll be miles from here before the suns rise. Are you game?" 'Xylo' had been speaking to Amy inside of Amy's own mind.

"I'll be ready, man. I'm game if you are. Besides, you outrank me, 'Lt Phone', mum." thought Amy to her new pal.

"Oh, one more thing. It's OK to eat the food and drink the tea. That's for lunch. Dinner we'll put in the pockets of our robes. We'll need food for the escape, kid. Hey! Take a look in your closet now. OK? Huh? You found a dressing gown? Great. Stuff your dinner and whatever ya don't eat fer lunch into the pockets and then stick the gown back in the closet. Keep your 'rope' hidden under the bunk up against the wall. They ain't made no searches yet, but 'Shade's a shifty character, kid. OK, let's eat some lunch. I'm starving, man." Xylo's voice faded from Amy's mind and the blonde began eating like crazy and stuffing the leftovers into the pockets of the dressing gown while next door, 'Xylo' was doing likewise.

"Excellent! You ate every morsel, my Love. The other 'Commodore' ate up everything on her plate as well. And both of you did good justice to your lunches too. My 'master' will be most pleased. Thank you." said 'Galliard' when he came to collect the dinner dishes. Outside, the third of twelve moons was rising into the darktime sky.

"Pull harder, girl. And- don't drop me, whatever the Hell ya do! One more pull- There! Help me inside. Got my 'rope' and pillows? Good. Don't cry, kid. We'll make it OK. Where's your 'rope' and pillows? OK, while I braid the 'ropes' together, you bind those pillows on your feet. Then you can do mine. There! Done. Now I'll lower our sandals- whoa! Almost missed the stair top! OK. I'll go first. Toss the rope out of the window, Amy. Here goes nothin', man." said 'Xylo', pulling on her 'loaded' robe and sliding down the outside of the castle. She breathed a prayer and let go of the rope end and dropped heavily onto the stair landing. It was just wide enough for the two of them to stand safely. Theere were no railings.

"Now, it's your turn, kid. Just take it easy. Just like rappelling down a mountainside like ya did in summer camp." whispered 'Xylo'.

"I never done this at summer camp, man! OK, get ready to catch me." said Amy, squirming through the window in her 'loaded' gown and slithering down the 'rope'. Asking for St Anybody to make sure that 'Xylo' didn't miss catching her, Amy shut her eyes and released the 'rope' end.

"Ow! That hurt, dammit!" said Amy when she crashed heavily onto the landing and almost plummetted off of it.

"Now we'd better ditch the pillows. No! Those wooden shoes they gave us could be heard a kilometre away, kid! Just be careful, but move quickly! Take my hand. Here we go." whispered 'Xylo'. Amy nodded and fought back tears. It took forever and an eternity before they felt solid ground under their feet. They ran lightly across the gravel in their pillow-covered bare feet until they had reached a forest. They stopped and strapped on their sandals while Amy remarked on the absence of a castle moat or outer walls.

"Look around us, kiddo. We're in the middle of bloody nowhere! Let's move it! Run and don't fall." whispered 'Xylo' and they took off at a dead run, their noisy sandals 'click-clacking' over the bracken and moss. "I got a gander at a 'vidchart' or two aboard the TARDIS on the way here, Amy. There's an airfield at the other end of this forest. Maybe we can swipe some transport." said 'Xylo'.

"Uh, aren't we like- intergalactic cops? And wouldn't that be stealing? That's against the law on Earth, 'Xylo'!" said Amy.

"Yup. Agaisnt the law here as well. However, so's kidnapping someone against their will! You want to argue legal ethics or do you want to go back to 'Victorine'?" seethed 'Xylo' who was starting to get sick of this crybaby kid.

An hour later, they reached the end of the forest and- sure enough, there was 'Merrie Melodies Aerodrome'. There were no 'illuminsators' and no sign of any guards either. "Look! No fences, 'Xylo'!" yelped Amy, racing to the field before 'Xylo' brought her down with an ankle tackle.

"Are you really that dense, Stupid? No visible fences usually means invisible barriers. We have to find the shield generator and turn the thing off first. One thing we gotta find is clothes- and fast! You're turning blue, kid!" said 'Xylo'. Fifteen minutes later, the 'Agrorian' girl deactivated the barriers. Luck was with them. The first 'capsule' building had some lockers containing flightsuits, deck boots and heavy parkas, caps and gloves as well as weapons.

"No time to strip, girl! Put 'em on over the robes. Lose the sandals and get into these deck boots. Keep your parka's hood up and swathe that scarf over your face. If we run into anybody, let me do the talking. Here. Put the rifles down. Pilots wear sidearms. Wow! A ' J-Class star cruiser'! What a stroke of luck. Let's grab it. Move!" growled the flight lieutenant who was on her own turf now.

"Halt! Vidpapers and vidID's, Colonel, Captain." said a voice from above them. Amy gulped. 'Xylo' felt in her pockets and came up with a vidID case and some official looking vid-documents.

"In your pockets, Dummy. Pull out whatever's in there. It's just a damned 'droid' guard." whispered 'Xylo'. "Wave 'em at that light." she added. Amy did as she was told and the 'droid' guard passed them through the 'gate'. "Walk, don't run, Hon. Act like we belong here and we'll be OK. Up the gantryway and into the lift. "Bridge." said the 'Colonel' and they were both whisked aboard the 'Nova Raider'.

"Sit. Strap in. I'm firing up the engines. Ever been through a 'gravity well'? Just hold on tight." said 'Xylo' and the roar of the thrusters deafened Amy. Then she was slammed backwards into her chair when a 'G- Force' of 9.887 G's hit them. Then- it was all over and they were lifting off smoothly. 'Xylo' put them on 'George' while she pored over the vidstarcharts before she finally set a course. She went off 'George' while she yawed due West at a bearing of 333.00001. "That's got it, kid. We're on 'autopilot' now. I figure we just missed the solar storms and we should be home by morning. Go and find the bathroom on this tub and change out of that smelly gown under your suit. I squished your food when I tackled ya. Then, get back up here so I can have a shower and get rid of my own robe. After that, some belated din din and a good night's sleep for us." said 'Xylo', grinning at the blonde.

"What if someone spots us? Shouldn't we take turns on guard?" asked Amy.

"Relax. We're 'cloaked'. We're invisible to everyone. I even masked our vapour trails. By the way, this craft is a Romulan 'warbird'. The 3WA's been trying to get their paws on one of these babies for a dog's age. We may both get promotions for this, kid." yawned 'Xylo'. However, Amy was already soaking in a hot tub.

The skysled that 'Galliard' was piloting across the cosmos was a speedier vessel than the 'Nova Raider' and he was clipping along splendidly at Warp 12. In additon, the 'Gryvian' knew a shortcut to 'Zamarkand' now known as 'Victorine'. 'Xylo' was an excellent pilot and navigator, but she did not know this part of the 'Aquarian Galaxy' very well. So, unlike 'Galliard', she didn't use the 'Gordian Knot Wormhole' which would have shaved almost twenty solar hours off the voyage.

As a result, the 'Gryvian' landed almost an entire solar day ahead of the girls. He slid to a smooth stop and 'decloaked' at 'Stalag 13'. Allison had just discovered that her 'Kaw-Liga' cigar store Indian chief TARDIS was missing from her study. She and Romana had hastily put together a 'search party team' and gone to look for it. Ahura had joined the hunt and since the other 3WA 'tro-cons' were engaged in other activities, the only ones left at the stalag were its original WW II Terran inhabitants.

"Bobby, a sky sled just landed outside." said former POW and USAA NCO Johnny Kinchloe.

"So what, mate? Probably 'Er Nibs back to grab some more 'volunteers' to look for 'er TARDIS thingy. Careful, Louie! I don't want no bleedin' cream in me soup." said former POW and RAF Corporal Alvin Newkirk who was helping to prepare lunch.

"I don't think so, Alvie. The guy out there looks like he come right outta a horror movie. Unh unh, he's comin' in, guys." said former POW and USAA head NCO Andy Carter.

"Well, let's see what he wants, guys. Open the door, Andrew." said former POW USAA Colonel Robert Hogan.

"Please, gentlemen, madam- who is in charge at this place? I have a message from my 'master' for them." said 'Galliard' who was carrying two small boxes in his arms.

"Let me 'elp ya with them packages, mate. Louie, tea for the gentleman." said Newkirk, relieving the 'Gryvian' of his parcels.

"Tea? Yuck! He will have java like everybody else, Englander. Welcome to 'Stalag 13', sir. Get this down your throat. It is freezing out there." said former POW and French Air Force Corporal Louie LeBeau who doubled as a chef.

"Thank you, my friends. Again I ask you- who is in charge here, please?" asked the newcomer.

"Dot vould be me, sir. Kommandant Colonel Wilhelm Klink. At your service, sir." said a tall and skinny as a rail former German Luftwaffen POW camp officer.

"Who is in charge around here, Klink?" asked a big fat guy behind the Colonel. "General Burkhalter! Of course, you are in charge, sir." said the cringing coward who was fiddling with his monocle.

"Gut (Good)! And never forget dot, Klink. Vhat can I do for you, Mr-" asked the former German Luftwaffen General.

"My name, sir, is 'Galliard' and I beg to present you with these, sir. From my 'master'." said the 'Gryvian', proffering the boxes to the General.

"These are my fiancee's clothes! They belong to 'Xylo', guys!" yelled Hogan.

"And these clothes belong to the new girl, Amy Pond, sir." said Carter.

"Vhat ist going on here, sir? Who is dis 'master' uf yours?" demanded 'Freddy' Burkhalter. 'Galliard' handed him a PDO unit and tapped the screen.

"If you ever vant to see 'Commodore Donovan' again, you vill bring to me the 'Sword of Shadows' und all uf der 'Shadow Bring' stones to power it. Directions to my castle on 'Symphonia' are enclosed on der next screen. I haf sent you proof dot I hold der 'Commodore' und her serving wench. Der 'Commodore' ist a blonde und her maid haf hair der colour uf der firebrand's eyes. You haf until next moons' rise here (A fortnight) to comply mit my instructions or I vill send der ladies back to you- piece by piece. Your respectful servant und it ist signed 'Master uf Shadows'." read out the big General.

"I am to wait for a reply, sir. Just jot down your answer on this PDO unit. Thank you, sir. I am on a rather tight schedule, sir." said 'Galliard' quietly. 'Freddie' mused and thought for a moment. Then-

"Throw him into der 'cooler', Klink. Be gentle mit him. I apologize, sir, but you understand dot ve must take precautions. Schultz! (The fat former Luftwaffen sergeant of the guard walked over to the General, his mouth full of fried chicken) Go und find Madam President und her 'sister' (Romana was actually her 'cousin') und bring them back here at once. Take Hogan und his 'heroes' along mit you. Dismissed." ordered the General who was now an acting 3WA Brigadier. Schultz was an acting 3WA First Lieutenant.

"C'mon, pal. Don't worry. Our 'cooler' is just a room behind the camp and it's underground. If ya promise not to run away, I won't even lock the portals nor will I activate the barriers. Ya promise?" said Andy Carter.

"I give you my word, sir. I will not leave this 'cooler' without your permission, sir." agreed 'Galliard' and Andy shooshed the door shut behind himself. Then he popped it open again just to show the 'Gryvian' that he was not locked in.

"My 'master', I have delivered the clothing and vidID's to the leader here. However, they are holding me as 'insurance' that you will keep your word. At least, that was how Mr Newkirk explained things to me." 'mind sent' 'Galliard'.

"Excellent. No reply eh? I expected as much. What is the name of the stalag chieftain? Burk-hal-ter? There is no mention of such a 'trouble consultant' officer in the 3WA's vidrecords that I borrowed from their 'Kaguran' HQ. Very strange. You will remain there as a sign of our good faith. Where is the woman leader- Poe? See if you can find out and 'mind send' me as soon as you know. 'Shade' out." 'mind sent' his 'master'.

"Just as I thought, 'Freddie'. The co-ordinates for this 'Symphonia' place are programmed into the nav system. There's even a 'cloak' control here. I say we go and get 'Xylo' and Amy right now. Who's with me?" said Hogan. Everyone was prowling around or inside of the large sky sled that 'Galliard' had landed beside the old well.

"Brigadier, sir? Yes, I mean you, 'Freddie'. I'm gonna tell ya a little secret. All of the time that we were prisoners of war in Klink's stalag, we were a crack commando and counter-intelligence unit. Sorry to burst your bubble, Willy, but your 'escape proof' stalag was 'Grand Central' for processing escapees from other POW camps and for saboutage ops. In other words, we've handled rescues before." explained Hogan.

Klink fainted. "Lots of times, mate. This'll be the first one from another planet though. Look, 'Freddie', you're in charge so- make a bloody decision already!" yelled the Englander.

"Ve vill not leaf until Schultzy comes back mit der President und her 'sister'. However, Hogan, you vill be in command uf dis mission. Verstehen Sie (Do you understand)?" replied Burkhalter and Hogan shook his hand and nodded.

"You can count on us, sir. OK. Let's load up this puppy and don't forget the girls' clothes, Louie. Oh and- food and water too. No telling how far away this 'Symphonia' place is, man. If they've hurt my 'Xylo'- Carter! Go get 'Galliard'. He's coming along as our 'insurance policy'. I don't trust this 'Master of Shadows' nitwit at all. He can't even kidnap the right girl, for cat's sake! By the way, where is the 'Vice-Marshall' anyway? Last I heard she was playing 'Snow White' for the 'Seven Dwarves' back on 'Shim'." said Hogan.

"She's due in on the next supply ship, Bob." replied Johnny Kinchloe, hefting a huge Mark XL sonic gun onto the sky sled.

"Here dey are, General, sir. I haf told dem all about poor Fraulein Don-o-vun." said the fat acting First Looey.

"Read dis, Madame President. They haf kidnapped Frauleins Pond und Phone. Did you find your Indian chief?" asked 'Freddie'. Allison shook her head and read the PDO screen. Then she sighed and handed it to her 'cousin'.

"This explains a lot, Sis. This bozo 'Shadow Guy' must have swiped your TARDIS. Ro said that the cottage that she found the other day near the stalag has vanished. More 'n likely, that 'cottage' was your TARDIS. Fool! He sounds as stupid as 'Oakbrain'!

'Oakie' grabbed poor 'Thelma Williamson' first before he grabbed Mar Angel. This dimwitted moron grabbed Amy and then 'Xylo' and he still thinks he's got Yuri! I agree with Bobby. Let's get our kids back, Sis." seethed Romana angrily.

"Agreed. Tell 'Dynamo' that I want the 'Nova Hellsing' prepped and ready for lift off before suns' set. 'Galliard' must have used the 'Gordian Knot' to get here and we will as well. 'Symphonia'? (Allie snapped her fingers) Of course! The 'RAVE Master's home world. 'Master of Shadows' my foot! Our children are in the clutches of the most foul fiend in all of the Universes, sister dear! They are being held by the 'Shadow Master'!" explained the President.

"Then why not just give this buffoon the silly sword and his stones as he demands?" suggested Louie.

"Three reasons, sonny. First, the 3WA and the Federation as well as our own Gallifrey, do not pay off kidnappers; second, the 'Shadow Sword' and its 'Dark Bring' stones would make its wielder more powerful than the 'Guardians' themselves and third, the blasted thing was destroyed in AD 2250 along with its power stones." explained Romana Prydonia-Poe-Caldy.

"We shall show this monster that he must never trifle with Gallifrey, the Federation, the 3WA, 'Victorine' or Allison Sharon Victorine Poe-Prydonia, dammit!" shouted Madame President angrily. She crashed her fist onto the table with so much force that it split in twain.

"Blimey! Remind me never to get on 'er bad side, mates!" yelled Newkirk, the newfound respect for the time lady evident in his voice.

"I must apologize for that outburst, gentlemen, sister. However, Lt Phone and Sub-Ensign Pond were my responsibility and, through my carelessness, they are now in deadly peril. I will not rest until they are both back home- safe and sound. Captain Kinchloe, did you not hear my last order? I told you to have 'Dynamo' prep the 'Nova Hellsing' for liftoff. We leave at suns' set. Oh yes- Captain? (Johnny turned to face his superior) Be sure that the 'railguns' and the 'God Gun' are fully loaded. I do not anticipate using either weapon, but the Terran 'Boy Scouts' motto is 'Be prepared' and by 'Rassilon', we sure as Hell will be ready for anything that fiend cares to throw at us. Go!" growled the plump height-challenged time lady.

"Yes, ma'am." replied Captain Kinchloe, saluting her and double-timing it back to the motor pool. He was in such a hurry that he ran all the way instead of using a speeder.

"She wants what? Are you sure, Cap? OK. 'Blackfire'! 'Cyborg'! Prep the 'Nova H' for immediate liftoff. Be sure all weapons are checked, tested and fully loaded. That includes the 'railguns' and- 'it'- although I pray to Zeus that we don't have to use either one of 'em. Better get your gear aboard the vampire princess's ship. Looks like we'll be the engineering team. You look exhausted, Cap! Don't tell me you ran all the way back here?" said the huge three metres tall 'Triceratops' alien dinosaur chief engineer. He handed a canteen to Kinch.

"Had- to- get - here- fast. Amy- 'Xylo'- both been kidnapped- Prez- wants- go- after- 'em- tonight." explained the big acting Captain before he collapsed into 'Dynamo's arms. Johnny was not yet used to this planet's gravity which was ten times that of Terra's. 'Dynamo' sighed and tucked the tuckered out Captain under his arm and carried him to an empty bunk in the nearest hut. Then he returned to the 'Nova Hellsing' star cruiser to begin a long 'diagnostics check' of the vessel. Lunch was still an hour away.

"Be sure that you pack a lot of 'stasis rifles' and 'plasma rifles', guys. I want that creep alive- if possible." ordered Romana, slamming a power pack energy cell into her Mark XIII ion cannon.

Suddenly, a small white doggie wearing smoking jacket and monocle came loping over to the stalag.

"Mr Dynamo is prepping Vicky's (Seras Victoria commanded the 'Nova H') vessel for lift off this evening. Why was I not informed of this, Robert?" demanded Colonel Peabody, the strategies and logistics officer. "I have not even begun my packing, old chap." said the cross little doggie, pointing at Hogan with his Meerschaum pipe.

"Because of the simple reason, sir, that you are not going anywhere, Colonel Peabody. And- that is a direct order, sir." said Allison who was helping her sister to load a 'Type 88' Gundam fighting machine aboard 'Galliard's sky sled while everyone's eyes popped out of their heads. "Did you not know that a time lady is ten times stronger than a vampire?" asked Allie.

"And vampires have the strength of ten men, mates." said Newkirk.

"Twelve, Ensign Newkirk. Allie, why is my ship being prepped for lift off?" asked the blonde vampiress commander of the 'Nova Hellsing'. Without a word, Klink passed her the PDO unit containing 'Shade's ultimatums. She blanched white. "Not him again- surely not, mum?" said a shaken 'Police Girl' Vicky. "And he has Yuri?" she added.

"He thinks he does, Mademoiselle Victoria. He does have Amy and 'Xylo' though. He had the unmitigated gall to send us their clothes and personal effects. We will settle his score soon, Mademoiselle." said a furious Frenchman. Louie had a crush on Amy Pond and 'Xylo' was Bobby Hogan's fiancee.

"Get your gear loaded, Honey. We leave as soon as it's dark. And that's an order, Major Victoria." said Hogan who was an acting 3WA General. Vicky scooted off to pack. "You should not have allowed that human to speak to you like that, 'Police Girl'." remonstrated her 'Master', Colonel 'Alucard', King of all Vampires. He doubled as Vicky's 'Number One' exec.

As darkness fell, the 'Nova Hellsing' lifted off behind 'Galliard's sky sled. Both vessels were 'cloaked'. Unknown to 'Galliard', Andy Carter had flipped on the 'mind send jammer' controls. The poor guy was wondering why his 'mind sends' to his 'master' were not being returned. According to what he had picked up from the guys watching him aboard his own sky sled, his 'master' was going to be ambushed. The 'star cruiser' following them had 'transporter' capabilities.

The plan was, as far as 'Galliard' could tell, to drop three armed away teams onto 'Symphonia' where 'Shade's castle was situated. The first would take out the perimetre 'guard 'droids' quickly. The second team would seek out the kidnapped girls in the tower rooms. The third team would 'materialize' in his 'master's own quarters and arrest him.

The away team from 'Galliard's sky sled would seek out the purloined TARDIS and fly it back to 'Victorine'. A clever plan and it would work too. Especially since some fool aboard 'Galliard's own sky sled must have switched on the 'mind send jammer'. That was the only reason why his 'master' had not replied to his 'mind send' warnings.

Unbeknownst to anyone aboard the 'cruiser' or this vessel, his 'master' had just discovered that his hostages had escaped. Then came news from his 'Merrie' airfield base that the 'Nova Raider' had been taken up by 'Colonel Zither' and 'Captain Marimba' late last night. This was quite unusual since those two flight officers were supposed to be on 'Rhythmonia' for weapons training until next week. And where the blazes was 'Galliard' with the 3WA's reply to his demands? Like 'Murphy's Law', everything that could go wrong had gone wrong.

What to do now? Bolt for 'Refrain City' and hide out? Leave 'Galliard' to fend for himself? Wait! 'Gunther Skore' was back from his leave, wasn't he? 'Shade' hurriedly tapped out codes on his comm relay 'sender'. Damn fool 'Skore' never learned 'mind send'. Most inconsiderate of him and inconvenient for his colleagues and superiors.

"Hullo? 'Gunther'? Back already eh? How was your leave? 'Pia Contralto' still pushing you for the nuptials date huh? Listen. I'm going to ground for awhile in 'Refrain City'. Know my address there? Comm relay codes too? Good. When 'Galliard' returns from the mission I gave him, please tell him where I've gone and tell him to join me there. OK? No, tell him the birds have flown the nest. He'll know what I mean. Oh, everything has backfired on me. I'll tell you all about it next time we meet. Gotta split, my friend and thanks a lot. 'Shade' out."

"Might as well use the TARDIS. Faster than a speeder or sled. But a 'cottage look' won't do. They may already know about it from those two brats. A nice pleasure cruiser ship I think. The 'Princess of Zarathustra' is a good name for it. Good thing I didn't unload anything from the TARDIS yet. Set the 'Refrain City' co-ordinates and- away I go. Best of luck, 'Galliard', faithful old friend. May our trails cross again soon." mused 'Shade' and he was gone. 'Refrain City' was clear at the other end of 'Symphonia'- six solar weeks' journey according to the TARDIS navigations system.

"OK, 'Mr Galliard'. We have 'neutralized' the 'guard droids', secured the castle and the airfield. No kidnapped girls and not a sign of your 'master' either. Hogan reports that the TARDIS 'cottage' or anything else out of the ordinary is neother here nor at the airfield. Are there any other vessels missing?" demanded a very furious Romana. 'Galliard' quaked with fear.

"No, milady. All of our crafts are in the castle's motor pool and the 'commander 'droid' at 'Merrie' airfield assures me that only the 'Nova Raider' is missing. Your two friends must have impersonated 'Colonel Zither' and 'Captain Marimba' and stolen it. More than likely, they have returned to 'Zamarkand', your pardon I beg, milady- 'Victorine' as you call it now." replied the frightened 'Gryvian'.

"Calm down, 'Mr Galliard', sir. Do you have any idea where your 'master' may have taken my TARDIS? (He shook his head) Perhaps he has left a message for you?" asked Allison quietly. 'Galliard' liked her a lot better than he did her 'sister'.

"No, milady. There is nothing on the PDO unit that he left in his study. See?" replied the lackey.

"We'd better have something to eat before we head back. See what's in the kitchens, 'Monsieur LeBeau', 'Mrs Schmidt-Hochstetter'. Now, 'Mr Galliard'- is there someone to whom your 'master' might conceivably have entrusted with a message for you, sir?" asked the cool 'Madame President' and the 'Gryvian's eyes lit up.

"Yes, of course. 'Mr Skore', 'Mr Gunther Skore'. Hmmn. He should be back from his leave by now, milady. I will comm relay him at once. With your permission?" he asked and when Romana nodded, he rapidly tapped in the correct vidcodes on the 'sender' device.

"Yes? This is you, 'Mr Skore', sir? Yes, it is I. Did my 'master' leave you any instructions for myself, sir? I see. 'The birds have flown their nest'? Is that correct, 'Gunther'? Nothing more? I see. Well, thank you very much and please give my best to 'Ms Contralto', sir. I will keep in touch, sir. Adieu." said 'Galliard', breaking the connection.

"Now tell us what he 'mind sent' to you, 'Galliard'." demanded Romana Prydonia-Poe-Caldy.

"Mind sent, Madame Caldy? I fear- Oh, now I understand. Sadly, milady, 'Mr Skore' has never bothered to learn how to 'mind send' and I am afraid that my dear 'master' must be out of range for my own 'mind sends', milady." said the lackey and 'Wonder Girl' Diana Prince dropped her 'golden lariat' around the 'Gryvian' and repeated Romana and Allie's questions.

"I know nothing more than what I have already told you and that you may have divined from 'Mr Skore's conversation which your colleagues, no doubt, have overheard, milady." said 'Galliard' woodenly. Diana sighed and released him from her lariat.

"He speaks nothing but the truth, guys. It is impossible to lie when encircled by my 'truth lasso' as you already know. 'Mr G' has just confirmed that his own 'mind send' range is only a few hundred thousand kilometres. So- does that mean that your TARDIS and his 'master' are still on this world or has he moved to another- who can say?

"After our meal, we will return to base. Since the 'attack and guard 'droids' have been neutralized and since everything of value to us has been taken from this castle and airfield, we will leave both intact. I do not take pleasure in destroying things wantonly." said Allison Poe-Prydonia.

"What about 'im, Love?" asked Alvie Newkirk, his hand on his blaster.

"I am afraid, sir, that you will be remaining with us until we can locate your 'master'. However, you will not be charged for his crimes nor will you be incarcerated in the stalag's 'cooler' nor my 'brig jail' when we return home. You are quite welcome to join our colonists and live with us in peace. However, that is entirely your decision, sir. Ahh! I smell good things cooking in the kitchens. Mr Hogan? Could you and your boyos please set the tables for us? After a hearty repast, we will return home." said Allison.

"You heard the lady. Make yourselves useful. Carter, help me to carry in the food and wine." said Bobby Hogan who had to be worrying about poor 'Xylo Phone', his intended bride.

"There. Home at last, kid. Brace yourself. Looks like an icy landing zone. Hope that this old ship will take the impact. We're losing power fast. OK. We are down. Go and find somebody to report to while I taxi this thing into the motor pool, Amy." said 'Xylo' when they had at last reached 'Victorine's 'staging area' and set down the 'Nova Raider', their 'borrowed' vessel.

Amy came racing back to where 'Xylo' was 'cannibalizing' the ancient vessel for useable parts and other goodies. "Nobody seems to be here except for the rig pilots and motor pool staff. The rest of 'em went to rescue us, 'Xylo'. Should we-" said Amy.

"Not on yer Nellie, kiddo! We barely made it back aboard this old clunker. It's staying right here. Besides, I've torn out most of its guts anyway. Hungry? No? Then let's hit the showers and get some sleep. I'm bushed. You look like you need some rest too. We'll report in tomorrow." yawned 'Xylo' and Amy agreed with her new friend.

"What? I thought sure that you'd heard the news about that legendary sword and its 'Dark Bring' power crystles, 'Shade'. The last last time that you went after that thing 'in the stars beyond Pluto' and got yourdelf captured by those 3WA busybodies, they found the 'Shadow Sword' and all seven of the 'Dark Bring'. They destroyed the sword and the stones in the fires of 'Mt Chaos'.

"If you really did kidnap 'Vice-Marshall Donovan', and from your descriptions of 'Pond' and 'Phone', you have not, that Hellfire & Brimstone partner of hers, 'Supreme Marshall O'Halloran' will hunt you down to the ends of both time and cosmoses to get her back. Refill here, Maybelle Honey. For both of us, please.

"Anyway, sounds to me like you've seen the last of good old 'Galliard'. They may even give him a choice of deportation or colonization of that new place o' theirs- 'Victorine'. Word outta 'Shimougou' and Mars is that colonists are gonna be pouring in there by the thousands starting next year, man.

"Unh unh. Don't look now, old bean, but the 'gendarmes' have arrived. Act natural, 'Bill'. That blonde kid there is 'Jimmy Moriarity', one o' the 'Professor's descendants. He quit the 'Kaguran Air Force' a few months back and joined the 'ISSP' (Inter Solar Systems Police) and- yeah, I thought so. If I were you, pal, I'd go to the lil boys' room now and outta the window. Don't go back to 'Abbaford' either. Take that TARDIS and head for the 'Bad Lands'. You might just have a chance o' losing them out there.

"See the tall guy with black hair all slicked back? That's 'Johnny Raven', the 'ISSP' commander from 'Ganymede'. I'll lay odds that they are looking for you, 'Bill'. John's got a crush on the firebrand herself and the 'ISSP' always co-operates with the 3WA. ('Steve Cello' raised his voice) Oh, dammit! Look what I just done, 'Bill'! Spilled my booze all over ya, man! Let me wipe ya off. Nah, no good. Ya better use the 'drying alcoves' in the john, pal. (He lowered his voice again) The window in there is unlocked. Take the first right and go through the forest, then double back to your TARDIS and ya better change it into something else. John's sure to have noticed that 'pleasure cruise ship' out front. Go now and good luck, 'Shade'." 'Steve Cello' began fussing with napkins and began wiping up his spilled drink and calling loudly for a barmaiden to bring a cloth.

'Bill Shade' walked quickly to the restroom and slipped out of the window, closing it behind him. For good measure, he used 'Allie's 'sonic screwdriver' to lock it as well. Then he sprinted right and through the forest. He climbed a 'jagadella tree' and, using his 'chameleon circuit' remote control box, 'Shade' changed his 'pleasure cruise ship' TARDIS into a tall black obsidian 'obelisk'.

Next, he used crushed berries and fruits to darken his face and smeared oily mud all over himself. Then he boldly doubled back to town and strode up to the 'obelisk'. "Durned 'Refrain City Power & Illumines'! Had to get up outta a sick bed to fix the 'inhibitor' the other side o' 'Tenor Woods' and now they want me to readjust these 'permulation wires' inside o' this durned thingy! A 'techie's work is never done." he whined in a perfect imitation of an overworked civil servant technician.

Several people including 'Jimmy' and 'Johnny' and 'Steve' came out to see what was happening. When all that they noticed was a grumbling workman who'd had one too many, they all went back into the 'Greedy Widow' pub. Wasting no more time, the 'workman' walked behind the 'obesisk' and vanished. A few seconds later, the 'obelisk' was gone. The only patron in the pub that noticed its disappearance was 'Steve Cello'. He toasted his absent friend, paid his tab and left after wishing the 'ISSP' patrollers 'good hunting' before slouching out through the portals. "Just another drunk, Commodore, sir." laughed 'Subaltern James Moriarity', calling 'Maybelle' for another round for the house.

"You're sure that Garner's anonymous tip that we'd find the 'Master of Shadows' in this 'Refrain City' pub was accurate, Jimbo?" asked the taller man and Jimbo nodded while he was carefully 'mind searching' everyone in the room. Then he called the barmaiden to their table.

"You want another refill, suh?" asked 'Maybelle' in her sultry Southern Terran American voice. 'Maybelle Winterbotham' was really from a small town on 'Arabeth Four' where she'd grown up on a large plantation. She'd been educated in fine proper ladies' schools and colleges before she had decided on becoming a 3WA 'tro-con' operative. She'd been planted here on 'Symphonia' three years ago where she had worked as a barmaiden- undercover.

Her mission was top secret and known only to the 'G- Boys' and the 'Boss' herself. She was certainly not going to reveal any details to the 'ISSP' or anyone else without orders. The platinum blonde was known by both Raven and Moriarity as a member of the 'Refrainers Underground' network and they had received good information tips from her in the past.

"That guy with the black cloak who went into the john to dry off a few minutes ago- that's the guy you're looking for, Jimmy. He comes in here about once or twice a month, but he lives on the other end of 'Symphonia'- a place called 'Staffordnotes'. When he's here, he uses a place called 'Abbaford' in the mountains. The little guy with him was 'Steve Cello' and 'Shadow's his friend and confidante. Uses the moniker 'William Shade'. (At a nod from Raven, Jimmy gave hand signs to six of his patrollers to surround the men's room both inside and out back of the saloon) That's odd, man." whispered the sultry steamy barmaiden hostess.

"What's odd, May?" asked Johnny Raven. She pointed to the street out front.

"That. I could have sworn that there was a 'power generating obelisk' out there. Now it's gone and so's the workman." replied Maybelle.

"Are you sure, Honey? (She nodded) Think carefully, dear. Did ya see that thing out front before or after the guy went to the john?" asked Raven.

"After, I think. Yeah, definitely afterwards. Why? Oh Kee-Ricest! That must have been a TARDIS and the 'workman' was 'Shade'." she said.

"More 'n likely that was Madam Prez Poe's TARDIS, Commodore. I feel so bloody stupid, sir." said Jimmy.

"Nobody in the toilet rooms, sir and nobody out back either. Oh and- the john's window was locked- from the inside." reported Lance Sapper (A rank between corporal and sergeant in the 'ISSP') 'Jake Sanders'.

"Thank you, Sanders. Gather your men together. We are going to 'Abbaford' to get our prey." ordered Moriarity.

"Belay those orders, Jake. Jimbo, the last place he'll go is home. That goes for 'Staffordnotes' too. Where does this 'Steve Cello' live, Maybelle?" said Raven.

"A place outside of town called 'Rancho Alto'. However, this week he's been staying in town- with his fiancee, 'Pia Contralto' at the 'Bass Baritone Flats' on 'Flute Street'- about five minues from here. Jo-Lee! Take over for me, Hon. I am a-gonna be a-ssistin' these kindly officers in their doo-teez, Dah-lin'." cooed Maybelle. Jimmy swore that she sounded exactly like 'Olivia's 'Scarlett' in that ancient Terran vidfilm classic about the 'Civil War South'.

"You may catch him when he gets here, Johnny. Steve always goes 'collecting' about this time on Thursdays. He runs the local black market and he's a shark too. "C'mon, Pia! Open up. Ah know y'all's in there, Honeychile. Y'all have two gennulmen callers." cooed Maybelle who was palming her Mark III miniblaster ion cannon.

"OK. What d'ya want, Maysie? I can't possibly handle two more 'johns' today-" snarled the blue-headed coquette who answered the portal. "Do come in, please." she added when each 'gennulan caller' grabbed one of her arms and forced the girl back inside the flat.

"Ah do dee-clare. The kind of company you keep, Miss Win-" said Jimbo, trying to sound like 'Clark's 'Rhett' from that same old vidfilm.

"Hold yer tongue, boyo! Where's Steve, lady?" snapped Raven.

"I dunno. Who the hell are you and what business is that of yours, man?" demanded 'Pia Contralto', lighting up a cheroot. Maybelle slapped the smoke out of the startled girl's mouth and shoved her Mark III into Pia's bare midriff so hard that Pia fell backwards onto the divan.

"We will ask the questions, Miss Contralto. Now, where's that worthless fiancee of yours? These men are 'ISSP', Honey and I'm 3WA. I advise you to co-operate or you'll swing with the bastard for treason and murder." growled Maybelle without a trace of her sultry steamy Southern accent. The girl was visibly shaken and then Pia began to cry.

"Too late for tears, kid. Where is he? I know he's your intended, but do you really want to be 'zaranized' with him?" yelled Maybelle Winterbotham and Pia ran into the bath room and slammed the portal behind her. They heard water running and Jimmy ran to the portal.

"Relax. No windows in there, man. And Miss C ain't about to knock herself off for her worthless hubby to be either. OK. You're clean enough, Pia. Use the 'dryer alcove' and get out here. Now- or does Jimbo have to break in and get you?" fumed Maybelle. The portal flashed open and a more composed azure-haired girl came out and sat down on the divan.

"Steve's not my fiancee nor my brother. He's my husband. He vidded me that he was gonna look in on a sick friend- 'Gunther Skore'. That's all I know. Steve said he'd be home for dinner though." said Pia quietly. "But neither one of us would have anything to do with murder or treason! You have got to believe me, Maysie!" whined the 'lady of the evening'.

"We believe ya, Pia. But Steve has been seen with some pretty questionable characters of late. Look boyos, on the off chance that Steve will come here, leave me four or five 'sappers' and I'll wait here for him with Pia. Maybe he left some clews at 'Abbaford'." said Maybelle, pocketing her cannon.

"Romana says that they found nothing of interest at 'Staffordnotes'. Worth a look, I suppose. Jimbo, take some men and search 'Abbaford'. Jamie, stay here with your troops. Do whatever Maybelle tells you to do. Lancer (Corporal) 'Gregson', you and your men will cover the 'Greedy Widow'. Sorry I was so harsh with you, Mrs Cello. However, we are after the most dangerous guy in the Universes. You all have your orders. Good hunting to us." ordered their commander.

"And where are you going, Johnny?" asked Maybelle. He smiled and held up the green 'power crystle' given to him by the time lord known as 'Casterlein'.

"To call in a favour- on 'Gallifrey'." he replied, chuckling.

"Really, Commodore Raven! This is a very unusual request. The TARDIS 'tracker files' are sacred!" said a very agitated 'young' time lord. 'Denethor' was the 'sergeant-at-arms' for the 'High Council of Gallifrey'. As such, one of the duties of his office was keeping track of the flights of every single TARDIS- past, present and future voyages included. These files were indeed 'sacred'. Besides himself and certain privileged members of his staff, the only other time lord or time lady authorized to view these 'tracker files' was Lord Rassilon himself!

"You have seen my 'token' given to me by the 'Casterlein' who is your direct superior, 'Lord Denethor', sir. Besides, it's not like I was asking to visit the 'Matrix' for kitten's sake, is it?" demanded Johnny Raven.

"What's that, laddie? We love all animals here, sir. I would no more think of 'staking a poor kitten' than I would 'stepping on a member of the 'Formidisae' insect kingdom'. Drat! Me pipe's gone out again! Come and light this for me again, sonny." said a very ancient time lord who was sitting in a huge armchair drawn up to the old fireplace where a roaring blaze was going despite the already warm temperature of the 'sitting hall' in the great 'Citadel' of 'Gallifrey'.

"Don't mind, 'Lord Kolodius', sir. Hard to believe that he'll be twenty-two million and sixteen next NovDec. However, I am still not permitted to allow you or anyone else access to those records. I am sorry, but 'Time Law' is most adamant on this, sir." said 'Denethor' who would be eighty-eight in another month- a mere laddie indeed.

"I just want to locate 'Madam President Poe's TARDIS so that we can recover it for her and arrest the dangerous lunatic who swiped it from her private quarters on 'Victorine', milord. (The kid shook his head) OK. Then you look at the records for me and then tell me the co-ordinates for her 'Mark Five'. Can't you do that at least, lad?" pleaded the Commodore.

"Of course he can do that for you, old tot. As 'Lord President', I hereby order you to locate my 'niece's TARDIS and tell this nice gentleman where it is. Not a word, sir. You are perfectly within your official rights not to allow even myself access to the TARDIS 'tracker records', but I can order you to look at them and convey any part of their contents to myself or anyone whom I might choose to designate, young 'Denethor', sir. Now, if you please?" said Doctor #4 aka 'Old Scarfy'.

"Uh, 'Kaw-Lija' has just landed at 'Warrior's Gate' in the year of 'BR 6517', my lord president, sire. Will there be anything else, milord?" asked 'Little Lord Fauntleroy'. 'Lady Valaria' called him that because he was 'too big for his damned breeches'.

"What's this 'Kaw-Lija' and 'BR 6517', Doc?" asked Raven.

"You will speak respectfully to our Lord President, sir and use his proper title when you address him, sir. If I may be so bold, the first term refers to the last known outward appearance of milady's TARDIS. The latter term refers to 'Before Rassilon'- before his lordship founded our divine order, sir. Good day, sire, sir." said the sergeant-at-arms, exiting the hall.

"Hmmn. Let's get out of here before the 'Acting Lord Prezzy' tries to shanghai the real lord prez- me. My TARDIS is over here." said 'Old Scarfy' who quickly led the way to the familiar blue 'police box' behind 'Lord Kolodius's chair. There were the usual whooshing sounds and the top illuminator winking and then- nothing.

"He's desperate not to be found, John. He's gone back to a time before our order even existed and to a place forbidden to us time lords. Hah! He's even changed Allie's TARDIS back into that jolly wooden Indian chief again. Should another TARDIS come across it, they will assume it is still my dear 'niece' aboard it. By the by, how's my own 'daughter' doing?" asked the Doctor. He and John Raven were sitting in the time lord's 'study' and sipping vintage cognac.

"An excellent vintage, my friend. Romana? Mad as a 'Krydorian' hornet because she hardly ever sees her hubby. She sends you and the other time lords and ladies her love and so does Allison." replied the Commodore.

"That's good to hear. Yes, 1754 was a very good year. The 'Little Corporal' must have been furious when he found it missing in 1815. Well, I did get the judges to go easy on him after his Waterloo fiasco. I felt that he owed me something for my trouble. Shall we have some dinner? I'll just 'rep up' a nice pheasant under glass for us." said the Doctor. John wandered over to the 'window' and watched the starlines that they were streaking through.

"We must be careful when we seek the 'Gate' that far back, old bean. That's why we aren't going very fast. Miss the place and we could be marooned nowhere forever." explained the time lord.

"How fast are we going, Doc?" asked John.

"A mere 105 Warp and a very slow two hundred thousand years a nano-second. Come and eat. I've given you 'Stephen's old room. Small but comfortable with a Louis XIV four-poster. Oh and there's a bowl of 'jelly babies' on your nightstand. Let's go to the 'study' and have a smoke while we talk over old memories, my dear friend." said the Doctor.

"When will we catch up with this 'Shade' guy, Doc?" asked John, but the time lord shook his head sadly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Who knows? Could be an hour, a day, a week, a year, maybe never. The 'Gate' exists, like a TARDIS, in multiple dimensions and time eras. However, I believe that we will be there by morning, old bean. Well, I'm getting another wedge of that banana cream pie we had for dessert. How about you?" chuckled the Doctor.

"Sounds good to me, old boy." replied John. As predicted, the morrow found them at the 'Warrior's Gate' in the year 'BR 6517'. They stepped through the outer 'police box' doors into a vast emptiness. However, there was no sign of the other TARDIS.

"Strange. It should be here. The lad promised to comm relay us if 'Shade' began to move again. I'm not picking up anything on my TARDIS 'sighters' at all. Very unusual." said a puzzled time jockey.

"Perhaps he's 'cloaked' himself?" suggested John but his friend shook his head.

"Impossible, my friend. Only star ships can 'cloak'. He can 'cloak' himself, of course. If he has a 'chameleon cloak' I mean. Allie does possess such a 'cloak', but, as a rule, she keeps it in her wardrobe in her suite, not on her TARDIS." replied the Doctor.

The time lord fumbled in his pockets and came out with two huge balls of twine. Tying an end of each ball to the 'police box' doors, he handed one of the balls to John Raven and retained the other one for himself.

"Now, listen to me very carefully, Jonathan. Where we are standing is the exact centre of time itself. I will go West and you will go East. When we reach the ends of our twine, we will retrace our steps and repeat the process for North and South. Do not lose your twine nor go beyond its limits. If you do, you will be trapped at the 'Gate' for all of eternity." explained the time lord.

"Maybe even longer, guys. Hullo there, Doctor, Lord Raven. Are you, perchance, seeking a TARDIS that looks like a wooden Indian chief?" said a stunning brunette wearing a flowered print dress and suede sandals.

"Romana? Romana the First? Is it really you, my child?" asked the astonished Doctor. The girl, who could be no older than 25, grinned at him.

"Of course it is, silly. Where else would I be? When I made my choice, I willingly marooned myself here forever, didn't I? Well, if you want this thing, follow me. Stolen, I suppose? Figures. My 'half-sisters' never could take care of their toys, Dad." she said.

Now it was John's turn to be amazed. "You mean that he's your father and 'Iris' was your mother?" he asked.

"Not quite. My father was another time lord named 'Omega' who discovered how to use 'antimatter'. He somehow infused himself with 'antimatter' and- well, that's another story, sir. My mother is 'Lady Galatea' whom you already know. She and 'Old Scarfy' here raised me and I assisted him in my 'time lady' capacity during his 'Key of Time' mission. I fell in love with another guy here who is trapped here for all of eternity. Oh, Pop? You're both a father-in-law' and a 'grandfather' too. Ufortunately, 'Kel-Var' and 'Jor-El' are away on a hunting trip and won't be back for a monthlet. Anyhow, I voluntarily agreed to remain here with my dear 'Kel-Var' forever. Aha! There it is, Pop. That my 'sib's TARDIS you're looking for, man?" asked Romana Iris Mandlinkova.

(AN: There are two Romana's in our tale just as there were two 'Romana' actresses in 'Dr Who'. We've hinted at another 'Romana' besides the one that is married to Jonathan Caldy. Well, this is she. If you are really interested in her earlier days with the Doctor, they can be found in 'Christmas with the Dirty Pair' as well as 'Angel Wings'. The two girls are similar to each other in size and stature although Mrs Caldy is slightly taller and she's a platinum blonde while 'Romana the First' is a brunette.)

"Milady! Milady Romana! Come quickly! I have found a stranger and he needs medical attention, mum!" shouted a small gnome-like creature complete with a 'Rip Van Winkle' beard and black buckled shoes.

"Yes, 'Trepoff'? Forgive me. 'Trepoff' is our servant and quite devoted to us. 'Trep' dear, these are my friends. This fellow is 'Old Scarfy' and that gentleman is Commodore Raven. Now, what's this about someone needing a doctor?" said Romana.

"An odd creature garbed entirely in black, milady. I found him wandering around that odd statue of a red-skinned 'Mohawk', mum. The wife and I took him home and he's on our sofa. 'Glep's feeding him tea and chicken soup. She gives that to anyone who is sick. Please hurry, milady, gentlemen." urged 'Trep', trotting ahead to his cottage.

"He and 'Glep'- that's his wife- blundered through the 'Gate' some 40 years ago as near as I can reckon. They come from a place they called 'Narnia'. They were being chased by some kind of 'White Witch' who was turning folks to stone. 'Kel' built them a small house and they've been tending to our needs ever since. There. That's 'Trep's cottage just ahead. Beside 'Storybook Castle'. I wonder what's wrong with the poor chap?" she mused aloud.

"Damned mountain. Seemed to be higher than 'Mt Chaos'. Fell a few times. Wandered back to TARDIS- lost key- couldn't get back inside thing. Rotten tea. Lousy soup. Could do with a steak and baked potato and some wine. 3WA won't find me here. I-" moaned the tall stranger in black. His black cloak and boots had been laundered and polished by the industrious gnomes and now rested at their guest's feet.

John recognized him as the 'Shadow Master' and immediately frisked the guy for weapons, pocketing several.

"No need for that, I think, Jonathan. He's as weak as a kitten. Looks like he tried to climb the 'Perpetual Mountains' which lead nowhere and everywhere. Hmmn. A sprained ankle and a fractured wrist seem to be the extent of his injuries, Roma. If I could have some hot water and warm compresses, 'Glep', dear? Get him some real food, 'Trep'. Hmmn. Lost the TARDIS key eh? That means that I'll have to 'tractor' it aboard my TARDIS and comm relay 'Lord Glenheather' for a replacement 'Mark Five' key. He'll send it to 'Vic' with the next dispatches from 'Gallifrey'. Do you have any 'stimulants' around this place, 'Trep'?" The Doctor speedily bathed ankle and wrist and then bound the ankle with a bind-bandage and set the wrist in a plasticine cast.

'Glep' brought some 'snake bite remedy for medicinal purposes'- gnomes do not imbibe- and forced some of the brandy down 'Shade's gullet. Then she fed him steak, baked potatoes, green peas in a cream sauce and vanilla creme brulee. He sat up on the sofa and accepted a mug of java with a tot of brandy in it. The Doctor and the Commodore and Romana were watching 'Shade' closely and he grinned at them.

"So I didn't evade the 'ISSP' after all, did I, Raven? Well, it's a 'fair cop', sir. On my honour, Miss Pond and Miss Phone were no longer at 'Staffordnote Castle' when I returned there. However, one of my 'star cruisers' was missing. Hopefully, your two friends made it back safely. Tell me this, sir- truthfully. Was either girl 'Commodore Donovan'?" asked 'Bill Shade', firing up an old 'Calabash' pipe with 'ship's shag' tobacco.

"Nope. Matter of fact, 'Vice-Marshall Donovan' isn't due at 'Victorine' for another solar day or two. Hit bad solar storms on the way up. By the way, if either Amy or 'Xylo' has been harmed or mistreated in any way-" snarled Raven.

"They were treated with all due respect; fed, had plenty of water, toilet facilities- all as prescribed by 'Galactic Code', sir. Although I am neither manacled nor shackled, I take it that I am under arrest, Raven?" he asked and John 'read him his rights' which are quite similar to ancient Terra's 'Miranda Act' rights. The prisoner chose to exercise his 'right to remain silent and not speak nor answer questions without the advice of his counsel' so John Raven spoke into his comm badge much to everyone's amusement.

"You're a tad out of range for that thing, old bean. Nothing electronic will operate here. Oh, with the exception of TARDISes, of course. Romana, are you aware that you are existing in a time era several millennia before Lord Rassilon founded our order- BR 6517 to be precise?" said 'Old Scarfy' and she nodded.

"I got used to 'time era shifts' a week after I got here, Doctor. 'Kel-Var' and 'Jor-El' were both born here at the 'Gate' and do not take notice of 'time shifts' at all. 'Trep' and 'Glep' seem to ignore them as well. Better 'tractor' Sis's TARDIS aboard your own before the 'Raiders' return to 'Storybook Castle' and claim it as 'spoils of war', boyos. 'Trep' will show you where my house is after you're done. Supper will be ready and 'Trep' will 'rep up' some rooms for you. You can leave tomorrow. Besides, there's no real 'time' here at all. Your prisoner will be safe with 'Trep' and 'Glep'. They are both magical beings. Better hurry. I can 'hear' steed beasts' hoof beats several leagues off and they are coming this way- fast. 'Firemares' run like the wind." said Roma.

"There. Aboard safe and sound, old boy. Wonder what Roma made us for dinner?" said the Doctor. He carefully locked his own 'police box' TARDIS and handed the key to John. "You keep this. Our friend will think that I have it and you are more used to violence than I am. Ah, 'Trep'. Lead on, sir. I am famished and Jonathan is ravenous with hunger." chuckled 'Old Scarfy'.

After a marvelous dinner, 'Trep' walked into the big house with 'Bill Shade' who was hobbling along with the aid of a staff. Romana came from the kitchen and insisted that her new 'guest' get 'off his feet immediately'. Then she fussed over getting his foot propped up on an ottoman and his fractured wrist into a sling. She plumped the pillows behind his head and generally played 'Nurse Dixie' with the guy.

"Why did you bring him over here, 'Trep'?" whispered the Doctor. John Raven craned over to hear the gnome's answer.

"Not my idea, sir nor 'Glep's. 'Mr Shade' insisted that I bring him over here. He insists upon speaking with 'Commodore Raven', sir." replied the little man. 'Shade' managed a wan grin.

"Don't scold the little fellow, Doctor. I have a proposal to put to the 'Commodore' here. I freely admit the two kidnappings and for those, I am prepared to pay the penalties. However, under 'Galactic Law', this is not a 'capital offense' unlike on ancient Terra where 'kidnapping' carried the death penalty. I-" said 'Shade'.

"Under 'Gallifreyan Law', only treason and murder carry the death penalty, 'Bill'. And, like it or not, I officially arrested you, not the 'Commodore'. Therefore, you will stand trial before our 'High Council of Time Lords', not the 'High Senate of Alderaan' whether John, the 'ISSP', the Federation or the 3WA likes it or not. You will, however, if convicted, receive a hefty fine and you could spend ten long years on 'Seto Kaibo' (a penal colony) which will not be at all pleasant for you, sir." explained 'Old Scarfy', much to John Raven's amusement.

"What is the jest, sir?" asked 'Trep' confusedly.

"The Doctor neglected to mention that there will be neither trial nor even a hearing unless the victims themselves decide to press charges. And if you think that a new 'Subby' and a proud 'Agrarian' First Lieutenant are about to admit that they were duped and grabbed by accident- 'Shade' was after Donovan, remember?- and become the laughingstocks of the new colony, you are sadly mistaken, Doc!" chortled John Raven.

"I realized that, of course, Raven. That brings me to my proposal. Rather than risk conviction and incarceration, I have freely admitted to my crimes and I have put it in writing. Ask 'Trep'. He and 'Glep' witnessed my signature. 'Trep' tells me that 'Mrs Kel-Var' is a notary public. If she will sign and seal this document, I will place it into the Doctor's hands." said 'Bill'.

"What's in it for you, 'Shadow Master'?" demanded John. If 'Bill Shade' was surprosed by John's staement, he did not show it.

"I become a colonist and serve my time on 'Victorine'. In a daily 'work release program', if you like. I'd be locked up during darktime. Ahura's a Djinn and can grant you many things. However, one thing he cannot guarantee you is protection. Not from normal sources, of course. I mean when the 'Daleks' and the 'Gundammites' unite their forces under their new leader 'Caracticus Davros' and come to claim 'Victorine' as their new HQ." explained 'Bill Shade' now revealed as the infamous 'Master of Shadows'.

"Davros is dead, you foolish man. One of my future 'regenerations' killed him. What are you playing at, 'Shade'?" snarled the Doctor angrily.

"I said 'Caracticus Davros', not 'Daedalus Davros', Doctor. Yes, he is the son of the first 'Davros' and twice as greedy and almost as insane as dear old Daddy. They will arrive at your new world in three solar years. I can provide you with schematics of the new 'mobile suits' and the refurbished 'Mark 5 travel machines' that will be used in the strike. I also have their plans and their flight paths which I will share with you if and only if, my terms are met, gentlemen." he said smugly.

"And your terms, sir?" demanded Raven, his face as dark as a 'Shimougan' thundercloud in winter.

"Didn't you just hear them? I want to make 'Victorine' my new home. I want to be a colonist. Of course, 'Staffordnotes' and 'Abbaford' will be 'transported' to my new home world and 'Galliard' must be released from prison. He is my dear friend as well as my manservant. Those are my terms. However, you cannot grant them to me, Raven. I am the time lord's prisoner, not yours. Do you agree to my terms, Doctor?" asked 'Shade'.

"Alas, I cannot, me lad. 'Gallifrey' is answerable to 'Vic's new President, my 'niece', Allison Poe-Prydonia. The decision must be made by her and her superior, Territorial Sector Chief Charles Garner." replied the Doctor. 'Bill's face fell.

"I think that I can persuade the lady to grant you clemency, 'Shade'. That is, as long as neither Miss Pond nor Miss 'Phone' decide to press charges against you and 'Galliard'. With your permission, I will have copies of your confession made and sent to 'Gallifrey', 'Victorine' and 'Shimougou' as soon as Roma can have them 'vidfiled'. Is this agreeable to you, sir?" asked Raven and 'Bill Shade' nodded curtly and sipped his tea laced with 'Gyrillian rum'.

" Very well. 'Trep'? 'Rep up' another suite of rooms for 'Mr Shade'. The three of them will spend the night here and leave on 'Dad's TARDIS tomorrow morning. By then we should have replies from Mr Garner, my 'cousin' and the 'Acting Lord President of Gallifrey'." said Romana Kel-Var.

"I can give you 'Gallifrey's answer now. I am the real 'Lord President', you know. The answer is 'yes'. I will comm relay 'Barusa' immediately and order him to send an affirmative reply as soon as he receives our signal." said the Doctor.

"And I'll comm relay Chuck Garner and 'Alley Cat' and urge them to approve the proposal. Can I be fairer than that, sir?" asked Raven and this time, 'Bill' did smile. They all settled down to an evening of chatting and drinking. Soon, the trio of gentlemen were jabbering away like old soldiers. 'Trep' returned to 'Glep' and Roma yawned a few times. Then she laid aside her PDO.

"You must excuse me, gentlemen. Even in a 'timeless' void, one needs sleep. Good night, gentlemen." she said.

"Not to worry, Roma. We'll lock up for you." chuckled John.

"Why? The 'Storybook Raiders' never bother us or our gnomes. 'Night." she replied and climbed the spiral staircase to the bedrooms above.

"We'd better retire as well, boyos. Don't want to miss our 'window' in the morning. Unless we want to be Romana's guests for a solar year or two." chortled the Doctor.

"Gimme a hand with 'Bill', Doc. He can't get up those stairs on his own." said John.

"Don't bother, guys. Really. I'm comfortable enough down here on the couch. Don't worry, I won't run away. That would be the dumbest thing I could do- after giving you a signed confession of guilt. 'Night." laughed 'Bill Shade'. The other two shrugged their shoulders, said good night to him and went to their rooms.

Around 3 AM the Kel-Vars' front portal klaxon chimed repeatedly, awakening poor 'Bill Shade' from a sound sleep and a very naughty dream about himself and 'Lt Xylo Phone'. "Coming! Hold yer horses!" he called, hobbling off the couch to answer the summons. He hit the portal release panel and the portals slid aside with a gentle 'swoosh'.

Facing the 'Master of Shadows' was a tall kinight in dark armour. Behind him, 'Bill' saw several other mounted knights on steed beasts.

"Uh, the 'King Arthur Convention' is next door, mister. 'Night." yawned 'Shade', but the knight stepped inside uninvited.

"I must apologize for awakening ye, sir. We were wondering if you had seen the wooden statue of the red man which was standing next to the 'blue box' statue? We claimed it as 'booty' after our last raid. Now, it's gone. We tried to take the box as well, but it seems to be stuck to the earth. Your pardon, sir. My name is 'Sir Gilgamesh', the commander of the 'Storybook Raiders'. We are your neighbours. And-" explained the knight before 'Bill Shade' raided his vizor and punched the knight in the jaw. Then, leaning on his two canes, he pitched the startled knight back out into the front yard and sealed the portals.

"Open this door, sir! I demand-" yelled another knight. This time, 'Shade' opened the portals with a wicked looking disruptor blaster in his fist. He fired it above the knight's head. The searing energy blast startled the steed beasts which bolted every which way, leaving most of their riders on foot.

"And I demand, nae, command ye to vamoose! Go near that 'blue box' again or disturb us anymore tonight and you will answer to me for your insolence, sir! I am the 'Master of Shadows'! No doubt ye hath heard of me? (The frightened knights nodded) Then ye know that I wield the legendary 'Shadow Blade' which can 'disintegrate' anything and anyone that I might choose. Now, begone lest my wrath lead to your destruction! Now!" growled 'Shade' and the brave 'raiders' took to their heels and hot-footed it back to their castle. 'Shade' yawned again, sealed the portals and went back to his sleep and his dream.

"An excellent repast, my dear. Oh, we had some late night callers, but I dealt with them. Still, the sooner we leave 'Warrior's Gate', the better." said 'Bill' whose ankle felt much better today. His wrist still twinged a bit, but he shrugged it off.

"Half past nine. We'd best be on our way. We don't want to miss that 'window' in a quarter of an hour, do we? Ready, John. How's the ankle, 'Bill'? Good. Nice seeing you again, Romana. Our best to your hubby and son and please thank 'Trep' and 'Glep' for their kindly assistances, my dear 'niece'. Au revoir." said 'Old Scarfy', disappearing into his TARDIS.

"Watch your sling there, 'Bill'. Nice meeting you again, Roma. Bye." said John Raven, helping 'Shade' aboard.

"You were an angel of mercy, my dear girl. 'Mr Kel-Var' is a very lucky man to have a wife as lovely as you. My best to him and little 'Jor-El' and please give my undying gratitude to 'Trep' and 'Glep', my dear. Farewell." said 'Shade'. The motors hummed, the light atop the 'box' winked and then- they were gone.

"We'll wait just outside of the 'gravity well' for our 'window', gentlemen. Please take 'Bill' to my study, John and get him a nice hot toddy. I will join you as soon as I get us through the 'window' and on our way back home again." chuckled the Doctor.

All went well and soon the TARDIS touched down beside the big 'control hut' on 'Victorine'. Allison and Romana Caldy were delighted to see 'Old Scarfy' and John Raven back safe and sound. Allison ran forward to their 'prisoner' and insisted on helping 'Bill Shade' to a comfy armchair. Then she propped his foot up on a small java table and carefully slipped his arm out of its sling and propped it up on an end table. Romana the Second busied herself with getting them tea and scones because it was almost 1600 hours- 4 o'clock PM- tea time. Finally, Romana sat down and Allie sat down behind her desk while the time lord and the 'Commodore' remained standing and sipping their tea.

"Ahem. 'Mr Shade'? I have read your signed and sealed confession of guilt and I would be more than happy to have you as a permanent colonist. Of course, you will be under 'house arrest' whenever you are not working. That is, until you have proven that you can be trusted, sir. You will not be confined to our 'brig' nor to the stalag's 'cooler' as was 'Mr Galliard'. Don't worry. He's been released and he'll return this evening with the work crews from 'Victoria City'. By the by, all of the others, including Mr Garner, have agreed to your terms, sir.

"He and representatives from the Federation, 'ISSP', 'KASP', IGSC', 'Starfleet', 'Galactic Interpol', the 3WA, Terra's 'MI5' and 'Alderaan' are coming here for a 'think tank' conference/briefing session. I would prefer not to hear any more about this 'Carracticus Davros' and the union of 'Daleks' and 'Gundammites' before their arrival. Billet our guest in a suite of rooms in this 'control hut', Thelma." said 'Vic's 'Madame President'.

"Oh, one more thing, sir. Second Lieutenant Pond and Captain 'Phone' have both agreed not to press any charges aginst you, 'Mr Shade'. However, for the next few weeks, I would give them a wide berth, especially the latter lady. Dismissed." added Allison Poe-Prydonia. Clearly, the meeting was over. Subaltern Laren and Second Lt Williamson gently helped their guest back into his arm sling and carefully assisted the guy to rise. Then they helped him down the hallway to his suite of rooms.

"This is where you will live, eat and sleep when you are under 'house arrest' before and after your 'work sessions', sir." explained 2Lt Williamson.

"What if I leave here without permission, ladies?" he chortled.

"The guards have orders to shoot to kill, sir." answered Suba Laren dryly. 'Shade's face blanched white.

"I cannot believe that Mr Mason has agreed to defend 'Bill Shade', Paul. Everyone knows the guy's guilty. So, why bother?" asked Yancie Drew-Drake. Her new husband gave her a withering look.

"Angel Honey, a man is always considered innocent until proven guilty. 'Mr Shade' deserves a fair trial just as much as the next guy. Besides, didn't John Raven tell us that he has 'defected' to our side? I understand that he's got vital information that will come in very handy before much longer. Oh, hi there Perry, Hamburger." replied Paul Drake, the CEO of the 'Drake-Drew Detective Agency'.

"Hello Paul, Yancie. Did I just hear someone say that 'everyone already knows that 'Bill's guilty'? Shame on you, Mrs Drew-Drake. I am honoured to be chosen to defend 'Bill' in the very first trial here on 'Victorine'. Are you ready to prosecute him, Hamilton?" said Perry Mason, Attorney-at-Law.

"Why? 'Her Nibs' is the new DA, not me, Perry. Where's Della with our java?" grumbled Hamilton Burger, former DA of the ancient Terran American city of Los Angeles, California. Now he was the first assistant DA to 'Vic's first DA, 'Alexandra Cahill-Walker' who was happily married to 'Vic's very first 'Victoria City Rangers' chief, Colonel 'Cordell Walker', formerly of the ancient Terran American Dallas, Texas 'Texas Rangers'.

"Hamburger? Pardon me, I mean, Mr Burger. What are you doing here? Consorting with our 'enemy'?" chuckled Alex.

"Mrs Cahill-Walker, how nice to see you this morning, mum. What do you mean- the 'enemy'? Perry, Paul, Della and Yancie are all friends of mine, my dear lady. Ah, here's Della (Street) with our java at last." replied Hamilton, taking an appreciative sip from his mug.

"Sorry I'm late, gentlemen, ladies. I had to 'pilot' all the way to 'Minerva' to find a 'Java Star' that was open this early. I never will get the hang of those 'reppers'. Anyway, the next time you guys want to call a 6 AM conference, you can get your own coffee. The 'air traffic' was insane, man! Oh Perry, you may get a vidspeeding ticket. I went through a point three Warp zone at a trifle over point four. The 'traffic vidcam' may have gotten your vidlicense number code. Well? Have you told Hamburger, sorry Hamilton- the good news yet, Alex?" said Della Street, Perry's confidential yeoperson/secretary/personal assistant.

"What good news, Madame District Attorney?" demanded Hamilton. Alex grinned while Della smiled at him.

"You are handling the prosecution versus Mr Mason in the 'Federation' vs 'William Shade' case. I'll be there for moral support, but it's your case, counselor. Walker's taking the kids on a little jaunt to 'Kagura'. Walker wants to teach Jimmy (Trivette) how to play golf. All of the other 'Rangers' are tagging along as well. So, this first case is your baby, Hamb-, Hamilton." answered Alex.

"And whom is going to teach Walker how to play our noble sport, Alex?" chortled Paul. The three ladies looked daggers at the private investigator. He glanced at Perry and Hamilton.

"Don't get us involved in this, Paul. You started this one. Well Hamilton, shall we go over the 'prima facia' for the hearing?" asked Perry and Hamilton sighed and sat down with the famous criminal defense lawyer.

"What hearing is that, sir?" asked the strange little man who was wearing a black judicial robe miles too long for him.

"You? 'Q'? You're the judge?" cried Yancie. "And what d'ya mean by 'what hearing'?" she added.

"Under 'Galactic Law', there are no 'hearings', just trials, young lady. And, a being is considered guilty until proven innocent. Ah! Java. And Danish too? May I?" explained the 'judge'. 'Q' was really part of the 'Q Continuum' which was a gaggle of intelligences something like Gallifrey's 'Matrix'. The other 'Q's were content to exist in co-existence with each other. However, this 'Q' was restless and 'never stayed home' if he could help it. "And I am fully accredited and qualified to sit behind a judicial bench. Pass me a raisin Danish, please and the sugar. Thank you." he added.

"Our faux pas, sir. Please excuse us for forgetting that there are no hearings under your laws. However, in all fairness to my client, I must insist that you not be present for this conference, sir." said Perry. 'Q' bowed and, picking up his pastry and mug, he headed for the portals. "And don't use your 'mind speak' to listen in either, 'Q'." added Della Street. He smiled and exited the office.

"My client has told me that he wishes to plead guilty, Hamilton. In exchange, he has what everyone in the 3WA here calls vital information- information that will save our new homes, this entire world. He asks for leniency. He wishes to become a colonist like us. Oh and he insists upon taking the full responsibility for the crimes committed by his servant, 'Mr Galliard'." explained Perry.

"Hold on a sec, boys. Darned old PDO thing. I liked the old way of note-taking better. I'll never get used to this stupid thing. OK, let's try it again." said Della.

"Well, that's all for me, Della. Hamilton?" asked Perry.

"Plead guilty on all counts? And throw himself on the mercy of the court? Perry, you saw the fruitcake that's gonna be judging this, didn't you? Are you going to mount a defense at all? Up here, you can't stave off the trial at the preliminary hearing, you know?" said Hamilton Burger. "Oh well, let's see what kind of jury we get, eh?" chuckled the new assistant DA.

"We do not use juries here, Mr District Attorney, sir. My ruling will be final. Relax, Miss Street. I waited until Mr Mason had ceased his speechmaking before I intervened, my dear child." said a voice inside of Della's, Perry's and Hamilton's minds. "And your client knows this fact quite well, Mr Mason. However, I am inclined towards leniency. It's either that or risk taking on the 'Dalek-Gundammite Invasion' cold." added 'Q's voice.

"In any case, without a hearing, my client's chances are very slim, to say the least, Your Honour. Will you at least listen to Mr Burger and myself privately before the trial begins?" asked Perry, using 'mind send' himself. The reults were immediate. Judge 'Q' stormed into the office, the amazement apparent in his eyes.

"Only female humans can use 'mind send'! How in the Universes did you- Of course. Miss Street and you have developed a mental bond with each other. Mr and Mrs Drake probably have the same abilities. Hasn't Mr Burger developed a rapport with any females since he arrived here? No? That explains why you can use 'mind send' and he cannot. However, in answer to your unspoken 'mind send' question, sir, I will be happy to meet with you and Mr Burger prior to the trial. Shall we say- tomorrow at ten hundred hours, excuse me, ten o'clock AM? I fear that I will be tied up in 'Galactic Court' the rest of the day." said 'Q'.

"When is the trial, Your Honour?" asked Hamilton.

"This is Wednesday. Shall we say- Monday at sixteen hundred hours, gentlemen?" suggested the judge.

"Four in the afternoon? That's highly irregular for a kidnapping case, Your Honour." said the nervous prosecutor.

"Yes indeed! My defense won't even have a chance to be heard before adjournment for the day, Your Honour." agreed the defender of 'Bill Shade'.

"Read 'Galactic Law', gentlemen. Court adjourns whenever I choose. That could be midnight. And may I remind you, sirs, the kidnap victims have chosen not to prefer charges against the defendant. Besides, I already know the verdict and I have already decided on the sentencing. Miss Street? How about some hot mocha java and a few tea biscuits, my child?" replied 'Q'.

"Midnight? And you already know the verdict?" yelled Hamilton.

"And you've already decided on the sentence?" echoed Perry.

"Since all of those charges have been dropped, what exactly is the defendant on trial for, Your Honour, sir?" demanded Burger.

"Treason. Espionage. Anarchy. Gentlemen, the 'Shadow Master' wants to control all of the Universes and all of Time itself! He fully expected the maximum penalty for these crimes. That is why he wanted a change of venue to Gallifrey rather than Alderaan. Instead, his will be the very first trial on this new world. Gentlemen, he is getting off very lightly indeed." explained 'Q'. Perry, Hamilton, Della, Paul Drake and Yancie Drew-Drake stared at the little man in black.

"Uh, what is the maximum penalty for these crimes, sir?" asked Yancie before her husband slapped one of his meathook hands across her big mouth.

"Eh? What's that, my child? Penalty? Oh- execution, of course. The 'Shadow Master' knew that which was why he was so anxious not to be tried before the 'High Senate' or the 'Federation'. The 'High Council of Gallifrey' will not take life save in extreme circumstances and even then- only to one of their own time lords or time ladies. However, he has managed to find our 'Achilles Heel' so to speak. He has vital information and he knows that this world cannot exist without it. I am not exaggerating, my children. Without knowing what he knows, we could not hope to survive the coming invasion. Oh, very well. Trial will be set for Monday morning at nine. Anything else?" asked 'Q'.

"The question of bail, Your Honour?" asked Mason. 'Q' smiled.

"He's under 'house arrest' when he's not working with the colonists. There is no need for bail. Besides, where can he possibly go? With the 'weather shields' up, he cannot possibly leave this planet any more than you can. Now you simply must excuse me. I am late for a very important date, to paraphrase that white bunny rabbit from ancient Terran literature. Au revoir." said the representative of the 'Q Continuum' and he was gone.

"This is gonna be a very interesting trial, boys. Who's taking me and Yancie to lunch?" asked Della. Paul offered his arm to his wife while both Hamilton and Perry offered theirs to Della. "To the cafeteria we go." added Della Street, smiling at her two escorts.

"Last call! All aboard for the 'space cruise' to to 'Victorine'! Guests seeing off their friends and loved ones please go to the 'transporter' room immediately! The 'Empress of Victory' will be lifting off in five solar minutes! All aboard, please!" yelled the ugly little toad-like creature from 'Ygrania Seven' who was the chief steward of the newest 'Ferengi' pleasure space cruiser.

"Hurry up, 'Gorano'! If the 3WA or the ISSP shows up, we're toast! We ain't got a cruise vidlicense, dammit!" growled the 'Ferengi' owner of the 'Empress', 'Lord Kolton'. "Oh crap! Get aboard, fool! Here comes a 'tro-con patroller team' from the 3WA! Tell 'Kapitan von Dekker' to lift off now! If anyone not going is still aboard, it's their hard luck! Their next stop will be 'Victorine'!" he added angrily and the little toad took to his heels.

The last of the 'bon voyagers' was 'transported' back to the spaceport and the mighty thrusters whined and then screamed as the immense starship pleasure cruiser lifted clear of the staging port at the 'Moravian City Spaceport', Mars's largest space terminal just as the tall blonde and shorter dark-haired 'TC patrollers' hopped out of their skysled and raced up to the short fat slob who made 'Mr Creosote' look like 'Jack Sprat'.

"A magnificent site, ain't it, 'Sappers'?" said 'Kolton' to the tall blonde woman who seemed to be the senior 3WA 'tro-con'.

"It's Subaltern, sir. Suba 'Anya Karenya', 3WA. Is that your ship, Mr-" said the blonde coolly.

"Uh, 'Kolton', Lord 'Eremius Kolton', at your service, Madame Karenya." replied the oily-tongued lizard.

"Ensign 'Jezailen', check his vidpapers. I will ask you again, your lordship. Is that your pleasure cruiser that just lifted off?" demanded a slightly irked Anya. 'Benji Jezailen', 3WA Ensign 3rd Class held out his gloved hand and 'Kolton' handed him his vidID and official papers.

"Unh unh, Suba. This bird's got diplomatic immunity. He's the 'Grand Mogul's nephew and, according to this manifesto, he's the new 'envoy' to 'Victorine' from 'Ferengia'. Your pardon, yer lordship, sir." said Benji.

"That's all well and good, Benji, but- it still does not answer my question, sir. Was that your vessel or not?" asked Anya, her hand on her ion cannon blaster. Miss Karenya did not seem to be a very happy camper today.

"No, Madame. That vessel is the property of the 'Royal Feregian Embassy' and it is the only cruise vessel that is taking tourists to 'Victoria City'- besides the colonists' ships, of course." explained the glib fat tub of lard, encircling Anya's waist with his tentacle.

"You can either move that thing from me or lose it, Fatso." she seethed through gritted teeth and 'Kolton' hastily withdrew his tentacle. Anya wanted a shower, chow and her bunk- in that order. She and Benji had pulled double shift duty again because she had once again bad-mouthed Sector 18 Chief 'Eloise Fitzgerald'. Benji's wristchromo said that they were due back at the new 3WA HQ building in ten minutes. It would not do to upset Chief Fitzy again by showing up late.

"Yeah, sorry fer inconveniencin' ya, yer lordship, sir. Have a pleasant day." said Anya, plastering a fake smile on her pretty face.

Benji hopped into the sled's co-pilot's seat and Anya took the piloting controls and roared off into the aether.

"Uh, Suba? I didn't know that the ISSP or the 3WA had authorized pleasure voyages to the new world." said Benji.

"Neither did I, Benji. Call Mr Garner. The Hell wiith Fitzy. She's gonna squawk at us anyway and I just don't give a damn anymore. Ask him if the 3WA or the ISSP has authorized the 'Empress of Victory' starship pleasure cruiser vessel, Vidreg number code '437569 BRAMBLE JJ' to make tourist voyages from Mars to 'Victorine'. I don't trust that 'Lord Kolton' creep and did ya get a gander o' that boarding steward toad? Yucksville if I ever saw one! Damn! I pronised to pick up that new 'Grandpa Potter' vidnovel for Hayley, my roomie. I'll swing by 'Moravia Vidbooks' on Central and you can grab it for me. Here's my vidwallet. Hurry up. I'll hover over the roof. Thanks, Sweetie." said Anya.

"But- OK. However, it's your funeral, not mine Blondie." replied Benji, chuckling.

"Suba Karenya and Ensign Jezailen reporting as ordered, mum." announced Anya crisply, giving Chief Fitzgerald the galactic salute- right fist striking left breast.

"At ease. Nice of you to show up, Karenya. Benji? Please get me a mocha mint java latte, son." replied Eloise Fitzgerald, Ella Hathaway's cousin. Ella was the new Sector Chief of Unit 240. "Take a seat, Anya. Please." she added and the blonde was immediately on the defensive. Fitzy being nice? Hoist the storm warnings. And she had gotten rid of Benji. What the Hell was up?

"Look, Chief. I admit that I went over your head to Gar-" explained Anya.

"Anya, you haven't done anything wrong and you ain't 'on the carpet' either. How would you and Benji like a change of scenery?" she asked. Anya stared at the older woman. "Sort of a- vacation. I have to send two 'patrollers' to 'Vic'. To become part of the new 'Victorian Rangers'. You'll both be uder the command of Colonel Walker. Of course, you and Jezailen will both be promoted- he to Second Lieutenant and you to- Major- both 'jg' because of your youth. So- what d'ya say, dear?" said her superior officer.

Anya lit a cheroot and looked Eloise right in the eyes. "For how long, mum?" she asked coolly.

"For one solar year. You will then have the option to remain on their new force or return to Mars. If you choose to remain, you will become a colonist permanently. Benji has no living relations and very few friends. You, however, do have family and friends-" began Eloise.

"Come off it, El. You know damned well how my family feels about me and I can always make new friends. It'll be a fresh start for Benji and myself. Since I am the closest that Benji Jezailen has to either friend or relative, I'll make this decision for him as well as me. We'll go. When?" asked Anya as the portals shooshed aside and Benji plunked three 'Motalla Java Express' mugs of steaming java lattes on Eloise's desk. "Decide what for me, Suba, mum?" he asked nonchalantly.

"We're going to 'Vic', Benji. For a year, maybe for good. You game, kid? (He nodded eagerly) Great. We leave-" replied Anya whom Benji thought of as his big sister. Benji had only been four when he had lost his family in the 'Third Clonic Uprisings'.

"At 0600 hours (6 AM) tomorrow morning. Good luck, my dear friends. Get a good night's sleep, kiddies. And- no all night boozing, Anya. Pack up everything you own. You'll be gone for a full 6 monthlets, guys. See ya tomorrow. 'Night." said the Chief.

They both snapped to attention and saluted Eloise, clicking their boot heels. Then they went home to pack.

"Oh my goodness! Great-great-great grandfather Erwin would be very displeased with me! Imagine. The descendant of the 'Desert Fox' himself and I have gotten myself lost on a 'milk run' between 'Jupiter' and Mars. No response from anyone to my hails either. Nobody to ask directions from except 'Auntie Deirdre'. No! I am damned if I will ask that firebrand Amazonian Hellcat for anything!

"Let's see now. That must be 'Sirius' or 'Betel Geuse'. No, maybe it's 'Polaris'. Difficult to tell direction in space. Hmmn. The 'Galactic Compendium' lists a new world called 'Victorine' some six 'light years' from here, if 'here' is my current location. OK. I'll set my bearing as NNW 340 and stay on that course. At my present speed of ten Warp- and assuming today is Monday, I should reach this new world by lunchtime tomorrow. Hope my cargo will remain 'cardonized' until then.

"I was Mr 'Know-All'. Sure, Chief Gazelle. I know how to get to Mars from here. Me and my bloody big mouth. (Dietrich von Rommel was on his very first offworld voyage for the 3WA. The young 'Warrant Five' officer was piloting a D-Class 'star runner' vessel and his 'cargo' was a young 'Dryadian' maiden who was very much alive- albeit frozen in a block of 'obsidian cardonite'. 'Silathia Preklang' was a troublesome child of some twelve solar years, but tall for her age at almost two and a half metres.)

"Laird Thane Preklang XII had been hesitant about allowing 'this young upstart' (Dietrich was almost sixteen solar years in age and a polite and pleasant lad- hardly an 'upstart'! He was kidded constantly by the other 3WA pilots because of his infamous ancestour and the poor kid had earned the moniker of the 'Space Fox'. He hated the name because it made him sound like some type of ladies' fur coat.) to ferry his kid back to Mars for the start of her first autumn term at 'Mistress Sylvia's Deportment School for Young Ladies'. The brat had flat out refused to go! She had even gone so far as to strip herself entirely naked in Chief Gazelle's office!

"That was when 'Daddy' had ordered the Chief's wife to pack up her portmanteau for the 'precocious child'. Then he had seized one of our 'freeze ray blasters' and frozen his own kid in the strange black mineral- the same way that the stork had delivered her! Great! All of her junk was in the small 'runner's 'guest cabin' along with the block of obsidian rock. I pity the poor girl stuck with dressing her when that 'cardonite' thaws out. Well, not my fault, man. Time for dinner so I'll put the 'Harvester' on 'George' and have some food." said the young 'Ionian' boy aloud. There was nobody else aboard besides his female 'cargo'.

"That was a good meal. 'Ursula'? Could you awaken me at 0900 (9 AM) tomorrow, please? Thanks." said the lad into the aether.

"Of course I will, sir. None of my business, sir, but why is your 'cargo' nude?" asked the 'Harvester's computer programming unit. This remark caused the 'Space Fox' to grin.

"It's a long story, 'Ursula'. Suffice it to say that we are taking the young lady to school and she did not wish to attend. Uh, d'ya know anything at all about this new world- 'Victorine'?" replied Dietrich. A 'holographic projection' appeared before his eyes. He was looking down from above on the 'staging area', 'Stalag 13', 'Mt Peabody', the river, lake and reservoir and the almost completed half of 'Victoria City'. Then 'Ursula' explained everything that 'Ahura Gladius Mazdan' (The kindly 'Djinn' protector) had told the original colonists about the former 'Zamarkand' until the poor lad was bored to tears and went to his bunk. Let 'Ursula' yak to herself.

"Oh, 'Space Boy'? Time to get up, Lambikins. Your breakfast is on the tray beside your bunk, sir. We are within the gravitational pull of the new planet. However, we are still in orbiting mode and cannot enter the 'gravity well' until 1130 hours (a half hour before noon) when the 'window' opens. Sir? Have you ever landed a 'star runner' anywhere besides Mars or Jupiter?" cooed 'Ursula' and the lad had to reply in the negative.

"I thought not. When we enter the 'well' through the 'window', just relax and allow the solar winds to draw us in gently. Do not yaw to starboard nor to port. When I tell you to, kill your thrusters and impulse engines. I have already switched off our 'warp core engines', Lambikins. You will feel a slight bump when we 'touch down' and make 'planetfall'. 'Transport' yourself and your 'cargo' to the surface and check in with 'Colonel Dynamo'. He looks like 'Godzilla' on a bad day. Leave your 'cargo' and her luggage with him and report to the duty officer in the big quonset hut. Don't forget your vidIDs, vid-docs and vid-bills of lading or you'll catch heck from the duty officer. Be polite and do not forget your manners, boy. Remember that you are representing the 3WA and Jupiter. Don't forget that you are only here to ask directions to Mars. However, we'll probably be spending the night here, my lad. That 'window' remains open for only a few short minutes a day. Now, take us off 'George' and be ready to take us into the 'grav well' on my mark, sir." instructed the programming unit which practically ran his vessel.

"Taking us off 'George' now. Whoa, Nellie! Like a buckin' broncasaurus, man. Half past eleven and here we go." said the kid.

"Kill your thrusters and impulse motors. Fire afterburners. Now- drift down like a feather and we should land easily. OK, feel that bump? We have made 'planetfall'. Go and bring out your lady friend. Leave her luggage aboard. Get her into cold storage as soon as you can or she'll thaw out prematurely, 'Space Boy'. The duty officer for today is 'First Lt Kallie Indigo'. Remember your manners and don't forget to salute the lady. Have 'Mr D' put your 'cargo' in cold storage immediately. Ready to go? No, it's a breatheable aether so you won't need your mask and helmet. Trundle milady onto the 'pads' and stand as close to her as you can, son. Now- close your eyes and think happy thoughts, Lambikins. Here we go." instructed 'Ursula' and when Dietrich opened his eyes, he and 'Silathia' were standing before a huge 'Godzilla' guy.

"Uh, 'Warrant 5 von Rommel', 3WA, sir. I lost my way and-" stammered the nervous pilot.

"Whoa there, sonny. Slow down. Forget the saluting already. I won't even ask about her. Light? Put this block of black 'cardonite' in the cold room for the 'Space Fox' boy, will ya? Thanks. OK. All seems to be in order here. Report to 'Kallie Indigo' in the big hut over there. Boy, are you ever offcourse. Kallie'll get ya some current star vidcharts and show ya the quickest route to Mars. Here. (The big guy handed the kid a vid-diskette marked '107-K'.) That's where your 'star runner' will be docked. You won't be leaving us until tomorow around eleven hundred, lad. Kallie'll take ya to the dining hall for lunch and don't worry about your, uh, 'cargo', sonny. It'll be quite safe, I assure ya." rumbled the huge 'Triceratops' alien dinosaur.

"Uh, 'Lt Indigo', mum? I'm, uh, 'Warrant 5 von Rommel', mum. 'Colonel Dynamo'-" said Dietrich. The purple-headed 'lynx woman' smiled at him and waved off his salute and pointed to a chair in front of her desk console.

"So the great 'Space Fox' has deigned to pay us a visit eh? Just kiddin', man. Dy says that you have a precious 'cargo' which must get to Mars stat. That right?" asked the lady with honey in her words.

"Yes, mum. That is correct, mum." replied the kid. She smiled sweetly again and picked up her vidphone.

"It's just Kallie, Mr Dietrich. Oh, Klaudia? Could you please come to the Prez's office for a minute? Thankee. (She hung up her vidphone) We don't stand on protocol, 'Fox', as you may have already seen. May I call you 'Fox'?" she asked.

"I, uh, would prefer Dietrich, mu- I mean, Kallie. I need direc-" said the boy.

"Look, Dietrich. On this world, almost all females and a good portion of the males can use 'mind speak' and 'mind send', meaning that almost everyone here can read your thoughts and speak to you through your mind." she replied with a giggle.

"Oh. I was starting to feel like 'Henry Blake' and 'Sherman Potter' with 'Radar O'Reilly' on 'MASH'- an ancient Terran TV show, Kallie." replied the lad.

"Anyhow, I'll have some new star vidcharts for you before you leave tomorrow and I'll have Klaudia plot in your new course to Mars for you. Ah, here she is now. 'Ensign Second Class Klaudia V'ranni', this is 'Warrant 5 Dietrich von Rommel'. Klaudia will take you to the dining hall first and then assign you to your quarters. Dietrich is staying with us overnight. He needs a direct course to Mars, Klaudie. Klaudie will take good care of you, Dietrich. Bye." said Kallie and Klaudie grabbed the poor kid's arm and spun him around to face her.

"Golly! Wait'll the other girls find out that I met the real 'Space Fox', man! Can I have yer aitograph? Please?" cooed the raven-haired 'Erudian' girl, whipping out a vidwallet marked 'K's Autographs' and a 'vid-stylus'. The embarrassed 'Space Fox' boy obliged this strange 'cat-girl'.

"Lemme get this straight, mum. (An 'ensign', although almost the lowest ranking in the 3WA, still outranked any 'Warrant' officer.) OK- Klaudie. Call me Dietrich. Anyhow, you guys have heard of me? All the way out here, man?" asked the lad.

"Sure we have, man! You're a livin' legend, Dietrich. We studied all about yer famous ancestour, that 'Desert Fox' guy and when we heard that there was a real 'Space Fox'- his direct descendant- we got all 'goose pimply', man! You're a celebrity, man! Oh, here's our 'chow house' room. (She performed the necessary introductions, causing the girls to 'ooh' and 'ahh' and the guys to glance up in awe.) Hey! Somebody get a waitress fer our hero here, man." said Klaudie, a mischievous 'Cheshire Cat' grin on her lovely face.

Lunch was great- when the poor kid finally got to eat it. He spent close to 45 minutes signing 'vidautographs'. Then Klaudie took him to the suite already occupied by 'Jin' the Samurai who made the boy feel right at home. Then the big swordsman hurried off to keep his date with his new fiancee- 'Thelma Williamson'. He had 'repped up' a 'paddleboat' and they loved to drift on the new lake for hours on end.

Jin came back to the suite very much later and stumbled into the java table in the sitting room which awakened his new 'roomie'. "I apologize, young Lord Fox. Excuse me, but may I ask you a somewhat personal question, Dietrich?" asked the tall rangy Samurai warrior.

"Uh, I guess so, Mr Jin. What's ya wanna know, man?" yawned the sleepy Jupiterean lad.

"I saw your 'cargo' in the cold room. She is quite lovely, but uh- why is the kid naked?" asked Jin, repping up an energy drink for himself and his new friend. He handed one to Dietrich and swallowed some of the other one himself.

"It's a long story. The short answer is that she refused to go to school, sir. Now if you don't mind, I have a busy day tomorrow." said the 'Space Fox' and Jin retired to his own bedroom to allow his friend to get some sleep. It was 0200 hours (2 AM) and the lad had to report to someone named 'Poe' at ten.

The next morning, promptly at ten, Dietrich walked briskly up the hall to the same office where he had met Lt Indigo yesterday. He yanked the klaxon chimes and a soft quiet voice asked him to enter. The portals shooshed aside and the gawky sixteen year old 'Space Fox' boy was staring down at a gawky seventeen year old girl. Although Allison had politely risen to her feet to greet her guest, her head barely reached the lad's chin.

"Uh- Miss Poe?- (He snapped to attention and gave the galactic salute so quickly that he upset a vase of 'Karnelia' flowers which were as green as the girl's eyes. Allison returned his salute and fought back the giggles in her throat.)

"Sorry, Miss Poe. I am not usually this clumsy, mum. Oh, I have ruined your beautiful flowers, Miss Poe. Please-" stammered the nervous lad until Allison pointed the 'Space Fox' to a chair before seating herself behind her desk console.

"Shall we begin anew, my lad? My name is Allison Poe-Prydonia, but everyone calls me Allie. Please don't call me 'Alley Cat' and we'll get along just fine. May I call you Dietrich? (The nervous kid nodded and removed his helmet) Good. I know that you must catch today's 'well window' so I won't take up too much of your precious time. You may rest assured that not only is your 'cargo' still frozen and safe; I have contacted Chief and Mrs Gazelle and the young lady's father on Jupiter. I have explained to them that, due to a freak solar storm, your instruments malfunctioned and that your first thought was keeping the young lady aboard your vessel safe and free from harm. Clever thinking, Dietrich. Using the 'Compendium' to locate our new world here, I mean. Then I contacted the young lady's school and informed the headmistress there that 'Miss Preklang' will be arriving a tad late. Mars is only a single solar day's voyage from here and-" explained the first president of 'Victorine' before Dietrich interrupted her.

"Begging your pardon, Allie, but Mars is at least six weeks from here- even burning the hyperdrives at both ends. My 'Harvester' cannot possibly cover that great a distance in a single day." said young von Rommel.

"Is that what your famous ancestour would have said, 'Space Fox'? In any case, by using the newly constructed 'anomaly' in 'Victoria City', you will have a straight shot from here to Mars through our 'VikMar Shunnel'- and you'll make the trip in a single 24 hour solar day. However, may I suggest that you allow us to 'decardonize' Miss Preklang and, perhaps teach the spoiled heiress child some manners before you deliver her to school on Mars? It would be quite embarrassing for the young lady to arrive on Mars 'au natural', do you not think?" said Allie, winking at the lad.

"Yes, it would, but Lord Thane himself-" began Dietrich. Allie held up a gloved hand and the boy shut up.

"I have His Lordship's and Chief Gazelle's permissions for you to deliver Miss Preklang and her luggage in presentable condition at her place of deportment and learning. Do not fear. While we have been enjoying this excellent mocha latte java and Mrs MacCrimmon's (Fiona was Mr Garner's 'pairsonal assistant', mother hen and granny of Jamie MacCrimmon, a time lords' companion) wonderful scones, Colonel Dynamo and Dr Suzanne Steele have been 'thawing out' 'Miss Silathia Preklang' after which Suzanne and her colleagues will make the young lady presentable and teach the girl some manners. Do not worry. She will be 'transported' aboard your 'Harvester' in plenty of time for your 'Shunnel' journey.

"Listen carefully, Dietrich. When you enter the 'grav well's 'window', yaw hard aport and allow the solar winds to carry you across the aether to the other side of Mt Peabody. Land beside the tallest unfinished building in the city. You will be directed to 'VikMar Shunnel' where you'll let your automatic pilot take over the 'Harvester'. The co-ordinates for your destination on Mars have been programmed into your vessel's navigational system already so the very best of luck. Now you have just enough time to drink a java before you leave us. Remember. Half past eleven- don't miss that 'well window', my friend. Because I am a 'Gallifreyan time lady' and much older than I may appear to your eyes, Dietrich. Sayonara, which means until next our trails may cross. Go." said Allie and the boy saluted the height-challenged redhead whose lovely eyes were the colour of polished emeralds and dashed for his room to toss his junk in a ruck sack and his officer's grip.

Dietrich von Rommel loved this place and he decided that he was going to ask his Uncle Gustav (another 3WA higher-up) to get him a transfer to 'Victorine'. Imagine. Me! A celebrity. Who'd have ever thought that the 'Space Fox' was famous after all? Back home, it had always been a form of derision because Dietrich was nothing at all like his illustrious ancestour- German Field Marshall Erwin von Rommel. His 'Afrika Korps' of tanks had come to be so feared by the ancient Allies that he had become known as the 'Desert Fox'. Dietrich was such a klutz that everyone gave him plenty of 'space' to avoid mishaps and injuries. Hence, the 'Space Fox' was born.

"Pardon me, sir. Could you please direct me to my seat? Good morning, sir. My name is 'Silathia Preklang', but my friends call me 'Lathey'. You are my friend, are you not, Mr von Rommel, sir?" said a soft sweet voice coming from beside him. Just as Dietrich had to look down at Allison, he had to look up to see this young lady who towered over the lad. Dietrich himself was close to two metres in height, but 'Lathey Preklang' was a full head and a half taller than he.

"Of course, uh, Lathey. Would you like to sit beside me? In the co-pilot's seat, I mean?" asked the 'Fox'.

"Ooh! Could I, sir? Could I really? That would be just swell, sir." replied Lathey. He carefully strapped in the girl- who was stunning even with her clothes on- into the co-pilot's seat before he strapped himself into his pilot's seat.

"Ready, Lathey?" asked Dietrich.

"Ready, sir." she replied.

"Just call me Dietrich and knock off the sirs, OK? I'm only four years older than you are, ya know? Swallow hard a few times. Close your eyes if ya wanna. You may feel some pressure. Don't worry. It will pass and you'll be just fine." explained Dietrich, patting Lathey's knee. Ka-Mi! This babe was a knockout even wearing a flightsuit and deck boots! Was she really only 12 Earther years old? Hard to believe, man.

They slid easily into the 'slipstream' of the 'well window'. The solar winds were terrific and kept yawing the 'Harvester' to starboard. It took all of the lad's strength to yaw his vessel back to port. They shot out of the 'gravity well' like a champagne cork out of a bottle and screamed across the aether. Lathey nudged his arm and pointed a gloved forefinger at the tall mountain below. The 'Fox' slid to a smooth stop atop a tall completed structure beside the taller unfinished building. Several people and aliens came racing over to the 'Harvester' just as he and Lathey 'transported' to the roof of the unfinished skyscraper.

A small white spaniel dog who was wearing coveralls and had a monocle on his eye came strolling over to take charge of the situation. Teacup in one paw and cigar in the other one, he pointed to a huge black maw in the aether almost directly in line with the lad's vessel.

"Harumph! Never will get used to women in pants! Undignified. That is what it is. Undignified. My boy, you must be young von Rommel. (Dietrich nodded) And this must be 'Lord Preklang's selfish spoiled brat, Silathia. (She curtseyed to the dog, apparently choosing to ignore his churlish remarks) No time for chit chat, children. Ahura (Ahura Gladius Mazdan was this world's resident guardian 'Djinn') can only hold the 'Shunnel' steady for a few more minutes. Get back aboard and floor it! Hurry!" said Mr Peabody who was really a 3WA colonel and their logistics and strategies officer.

Dietrich thanked him and grabbed Lathey before she could start curtseying again and they both 'transported' back aboard. Without waiting to strap themselves in, Dietrich gunned the warp core engines, hit his thrusters and the 'Harvester' was off like a shot down the long dark 'shunnel'- a shunting tunnel in space. The impact with the strong force inside the 'anomaly' slammed them back into their seats and then catapulted them forwards and onto the hard unyielding deck floor. Lathey winced a few times but not a cry came from the brave girl.

Blood was slowly seeping from her right thigh and suddenly, Silathia moaned and tried to get up. She crashed heavily back to the deck floor. Dietrich tore the flightsuit from her body while Lathey tried to kick off her deck boots, but she was too weak. Ignoring her boots, the boy liberally doused her bleeding thigh with 'Synthenol' and this time she screamed like a 'banshee'. Then this prim and proper young lady cursed like a trooper, using words that would have caused even his 'Auntie Kerry' to blush! Dietrich paid no attention to her screams and curses. He swathed several layers of 'speed up antiseptic bandage' around her upper leg. Next, he used an 'autohypo' to inject 100 mgs of 'Naxileine 15.7' pain killer into the girl's other thigh.

Somewhere between the bandaging and the injection, Lathey passed out. Dietrich removed the rest of her flightsuit coveralls and pulled off her deck boots, leaving the girl in thong panties and brasierre. Ignoring the fact that his passenger was almost naked- again, he laid the girl down tenderly on a bunk and covered her carefully with a blanket.

"Uh, 'Ursula'? Keep an eye on her and let me know when she wakes up, OK? Thanks." breathed Dietrich. His ship's computer programming unit assured the lad that she would watch over the child. Satisfied, the boy returned to his piloting- or rather- he set the 'autopilot' and relaxed with a piece of 'repped up' chocolate cake and java.

Unknown to any of them- 'Ursula's sensors were blocked off as soon as they had entered the 'Shunnel'- when Lathey's thigh had crashed into the lower console controls, the 'autopilot' for the 'Shunnel' had scrambled its signal. That meant that when they reached the end in a few more hours, they would not be anywhere near Mars or even 'Victorine'.

"Hi, Dietrich. I tried on my school uniform. Like it?" cooed Lathey. She had slept for 12 solar hours, awakened and decided to try on her school stuff since she'd be wearing it for at least the next year. Mummy was forever 'jetsetting' around the cosmos and Daddy was always pulling off some business coup or another and neither one ever seemed to find any time for poor Silathia. Her last personal maid had quit when Lathey had smacked her across the jaw with a hairbrush when the poor girl had tweaked Lathey's hair a little too hard.

That was when Papa had decided on a 'proper school' for his daughter. She had confided all of this to Miss Ro Laren and Miss Thelma Williamson who had blabbed it to her 'knight in shiny armour'- Dietrich!

"That looks very nice on you, Lathey. Ro and Thel told me all about your unhappy home life. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to come and visit you at school. Maybe you could stay with the Gazelles on Jupiter for the holidays if I'm on assignment or something. Would you like that?" he asked her nervously and she jumped into his arms and smothered the startled lad with kisses. "They are not really family, but- uh- my entire family was killed in the 'Third Clonic Uprisings' when I was still only a toddler. You could be- like- my little sister- if that's OK with you?" he added and this time, she leaned into the kisses so hard that the chair tipped over and Dietrich landed on his back- painfully.

"I see light, children. We are approaching the 'Shunnel's end. The exterior temperatures are below freezing Kelvin. In Fahrenheit- minus 65 degrees. Better wear yer snuggies and Miss Lathey should change into a flightsuit, deck boots and her cold weather gear. You too, 'Fox Boy'. I've set the 'transporter' controls to 'voice command', D. Good luck." said 'Ursula'.

"You heard that, Lathey? (She nodded and got off the poor kid's stomach) Then get into your 'Mithril' underwear, unmentionables, a flight suit, boots and winter weather gear. Here, you may need this out there." said a grim-faced Dietrich, handing the girl a small but powerful Mark III miniblaster ion cannon.

"Looks pretty cold out there for a Martian summer's day, D. Why the hardware, man?" asked Lathey.

"I don't think that's Mars out there, kiddo. Why? Better safe than sorry. Now go get changed and hurry up." said the lad. When Lathey returned almost a half hour later, he handed her a plasma rifle and took one for himself. "I have already charged your rifle, Lathey. Keep the safety on it though. Ready? (She bit her lip and nodded) Put us on the surface out there, 'Ursula'. Swallow hard, Lathey. Close your eyes if you wanna. Here we go." added Dietrich and, in the blink of an eye, they were standing knee deep in cold crunchy snow that was quickly freezing into ice.

"This is Mars? I don't like it, D." complained Lathey. "I don't think that this is Mars, Lathey. 'Ursula', what is our location?" yelled the 'Space Fox' into his comm badge, screaming to be heard above the terrific winds and snow. "It's cold, man! This is supposed to be summer, ain't it, man?" whined the frightened girl and as suddenly as the snow and ice had come, it was gone!

"What the Hell? From a 'Gysymeoan' winter to a 'Kaguran' summer day. 'Ursula'! Where are we?" repeated Dietrich.

"Uh- 'Elysia Minor'- I think, sir. But- that would mean-" stammered 'Ursula's voice from the vessel.

"That these are the 'Elysian Fields' of ancient Terran Greco-Roman mythology. That would mean that we are- dead. Lathey, this place must be 'Heaven'." explained the confused teenaged boy.

"Then was that frozen wasteland 'Hell', man? Let's get back on the 'Harvester', man." pleaded the girl. "And go where, Lathey? How'd we get here, 'Ursula'?" demanded the boy in a no nonsense tone of voice.

"Miss Silathia reprogrammed the 'Shunnel' controls when she fell against the 'Harvester's console." replied 'Ursula'.

"I didn't do it on purpose, man! Hell, I didn't even know I'd done anything, D.!" yelled Lathey.

"I know that you didn't mean to do anything to my vessel, Lathey. Now, how do we get outta here, man?" asked the lad.

"You don't. Welcome to the 'Elysian Fields', children. Or 'Heaven' if you prefer that nomenclature. I must apologize for the winter scene when you first arrived. I was setting the stage for next week's guests- from 'Fryyggia', the ice world of 'Mongo'. However, whether you have come here by accident or by design, you are here and nobody ever leaves 'Elysian Minor' once they have arrived here. I am truly sorry, but- this is now 'home', children." said a short rotund jolly little man who had a pencil mustache. He was wearing a white summer suit and a big white straw 'boater' hat.

"Balderdash! These two young persons are certainly not deceased, 'Mr Wilkins'. That means that they do not belong there- yet." roared a voice from the sky. "But, my lord 'White Guardian', sir. I possess not the means of sending them on to Mars." said the little man.

"Yes, this I know, 'Mr Wilkins', sir. Simply have the young children re-board their vessel and re-set the co-ordinates for Western Mars just as it was before they entered the 'Shunnel'. Leave the rest to me. Hurry now." roared the voice and 'Mr Wilkins' hustled Lathey and Dietrich over to their vessel and, closing his eyes, he concentrated on the two kids who slowly disappeared and then reappeared on the 'Harvester's bridge. They wasted no time in strapping themselves in securely. They had barely finished when the stars ahead of them shimmered and then the 'Shunnel' walls vanished and they were traveling at 25 Warp in deep space. Dietrich quickly re-set the co-ordinates for Western Mars.

"Another solar day, I reckon. Wait a sec! The 'chronometre' is still reading Thursday. Somehow we've travelled back to the day before we left 'Victorine', Lathey. No need for us to call ahead to your new school marm now, ma'am." he chuckled and she smiled back at the lad.

The next morning, 'Ursula' announced that Mars's 'outer markers' were in sight. Dietrich thanked his onboard friend and adjusted his ship's 'trim' and 'yawed' towards the rising sun in the East. He busied himself with 'repping up' breakfast for Lathey and himself. At ten, his passenger made her appearance in the small dining room. Milady was wearing a royal blue dressing gown and she was barefoot. Her hair (Coloured purple today!) was up in curlers and Silathia was in a foul mood. She picked at her bacon and sausages and pancakes.

"Something wrong, Lathey? Excuse me a sec. Yes, 'Ursula'? Excellent. Well done. I'll be right up. Good news. 'Ursula' just spotted Mars's 'inner markers'. We'll be making 'planetfall' at the 'Jemima City Spaceport' in an hour. Then I'll ferry you to your new school on one of the skysleds and-" said the lad until 'Ursula' beeped both of their comm badges. Lathey's was in her pocket and Dietrich's was on his flight suit.

"Yes? What? I see. OK, we're coming up. No. Just put us into an orbital path around Mars. Not at all sure if I am going to 'touch down' now, 'Ursula'. von Rommel out. (The boy stared over at the tall girl seated across the table from him.) You'd better get dressed, Lathey and do something with that hair. You can't get a helmet on over those curlers, kiddo. Hurry up. Meet me on the bridge in five minutes. And that's an order, young lady. I dunno what you're pissed off at today, but I don't have time for your nonsense." said the lad and she pouted.

"What's the big deal, dammit? This is Mars, right? So, we land and check in. Then you ferry me to my new prison and go back to Jupiter and report to the Gazelles and Mummy and Daddy that the 'cargo' has been 'delivered' safely. Right?" snapped the girl angrily.

"It's not that simple, princess. That's Mars down there alright, but that is not AD 2260. It's BR (Before Rassilon) minus 1063! Long before your 'prison' was built, Honey. And I haven't the slightest idea how to get us back to the present time. All I can do is switch on the 'tracker beacon signal' and hope for the best. Sorry, Lathey." he said soothingly and the tough young lady suddenly began to cry.

"Then why can't ya just call up that 'White Guardian' guy and ask him for help, man?" whined the sobbing girl. That was the last straw. Dietrich exploded. "Don't ya think I would if I could, you spoiled little brat? You have been nothing but a pain in the bum for me ever since I agreed to transport you to school. My 'Harvester' is not a 'time ship', Sweetheart. Now, you decide. Do we make 'planetfall' or not? Your call. After all, 'Daddy Warbucks' is picking up our tab, ain't he?" snarled the lad, showing Lathey a side of him that she had never before seen and she did not like this Dietrich at all!

"Oh, get dressed, dammit and take those damned things outta your hair. We can at least take a look around this place." he said in a softer voice. "Maybe you could go and check it out while I waited here, D.?" she cooed but he was adamant.

"No way! I am not letting you outta my sight, kid. Maybe one of the 'time lords' or 'time ladies' is here and we can hitch a ride in their TARDIS. Oh and don't forget your winter weather gear. Looks frigid outside. You better go to the galley and get us some food and water and stuff. I'll get the weapons. Hurry up. A solar day here is less than four hours- maybe even less this far back in time." growled Dietrich and Lathey ran off to change.

"Young man, has the young lady left the dining room yet?" rumbled a voice which seemed to emanate from the walls, floor and ceiling. "Yes, sir. She has gone to change. We are going to explore-" replied the lad. "NO! You must not leave this vessel. No 'time lords or ladies' are here on Mars in this time portal. I apologize for this mess. My 'alter ego' known to you as the 'Black Guardian' is forever making mischief on my 'flock'.

"Pay attention, boy! I am creating a 'zero room' for you and your charming friend. It will be located just aft of the fuel lockers on the lowest level of the 'Harvester'. I want you to go to the bridge and set the 'chronometre' to 'Zero'. I want you to put this ship on a heading of 'zero zero point zero zero one due South'. Then I want you to lock this ship onto 'George', set the 'automatic pilot', son. When you have done all of these things, you will take the young lady and all of her luggage and all of your own belongings to the new 'zero room' and seal yourselves inside with a 'replicator unit'. I have no idea how long you'll remain in there, but it is imperative that you both stay in there until I release you. Is this clearly understood, young 'Space Fox'?" rumbled the voice of the 'White Guardian'.

"I understand, sir. I will carry out your orders to the letter. Thank you, sir. Farewell." replied the lad.

"Understand what, man? Let's get going, D." said Lathey who was dressed up like a furry little polar bear. She was carrying two heavy rucksacks and she had three daggers and two 'Verri' flare pistols in her various pockets. "No time to explain now. Lathey? Do you trust me?" he demanded. "Of course I do. I love you, D. Don't you love me?" she replied. "Yes, I do, Honey. Now listen to me and do exactly what I say. Move all of your luggage into the room just behind the 'fuel lockers' on the lowest level of this ship. Then bring all of my stuff in there too and take in whatever you think we'll need for a prolonged stay in that room. Oh and at least three 'reppers', OK? (She nodded) I'll join you as soon as I can. Hurry." he said and she dashed down the hallway to start loading up the new 'zero room'.

"OK. I have followed all of your orders, sir- to the letter. Now I will seal us inside the 'zero room' chamber. How long-" said the boy into the aether.

"You will know when it is time to come out again, son. It will be quite impossible for you to unseal the chamber until I allow it, my young friend. Now get yourself belowdecks and seal that portal. Good luck, lad." The voice was slightly lower in pitch this time.

"Got everything I told you to get, Lathey?" asked Dietrich. "Yup! I got some weapons from the 'arsenol' too. What's going on here?" asked the pouting girl who stood a full head and a half taller than the 'Space Fox'. His cold grey eyes met her cool blue ones.

"The 'White Guardian' told me to lock ourselves inside this 'zero room' chamber until he releases us. So- I will ask you once more. Do we have everything we need to remain in here for- a year?" he asked and the shock was apparent on Lathey's face.

"Unh huh. I think so, D. Food, drinks, water, 'Naxogen' tanks (For breathing), clothing, luggage, personal junk, six 'reppers', weapons, star vidmaps and vid star charts, vid-disks, music, vid novels, PDO units- Yup! We got everything we need, D. Seal us in, man. Now- before I change my mind, man! It's OK. I ain't gonna start bawlin' again, D. I'm a big girl now." she replied and then she started giggling. Dietrich sealed the portal latches and then, using his Mark XIII ion cannon, he fused two 'power packs' into the locking mechanism of the portal. "There! Now the only one who can release us from this chamber is 'Whitey' himself, Lathey. Get comfy, girl. We are gonna be here for quite some time." chortled her new boyfriend.

"Then I may as well get into something more comfortable, D. These flight suits and deck boots are so confining, man." said Lathey, unzipping her suit. "Uh- how's about you change in one of the bedrooms, Lathey? I don't wanna get in hot water with Daddy or Mummy, ya know, man?" said Dietrich and she grinned and headed for the bedroom on the left. "I got dibs on the rooms and since we are sharing a bath room, I claim first rights every day, D." she giggled and he merely waved her off and began a new vidlog on his PDO unit. After all, he was the commander- even if a 12 year old spoiled brat girl was his only crew.

"Well? How do I look, Lover Boy?" she asked a few minutes later. Lathey had changed to a light summer miniskirt and sleeveless tank top. She was still barefoot and had a towel wrapped around her head. She sat down when Dietrich mumbled 'That's a very nice outfit, Honey.' "Where's the vidTV remote, D? (He reached out and tossed her the vidremote without losing pace on his PDO keyboard.) Thanks. What time is it, Lover?" she asked him for the tenth time in less than an hour. "Twenty to noon. You were a lot quieter when you were frozen in 'Cardonite', girl. When I'm finished with our vidlog, I'll get us some lunch. OK?" promised Dietrich and she pouted, but then went back to watching some ancient Earther TV show about a doctor who solved murder cases with his policeman son. At least it kept her quiet for awhile.

"How long did 'Mr White' say we'd be cooped up in here, D.?" she asked. She'd pulled the towel off her head and Dietrich was relieved to see that she was once again an ash blonde rather than a punk rocker. "He didn't, Love. He just said that we couldn't leave this chamber until he released us. Guess time travel's a bit trickier than space travel. Ya know that we do have a couple of 'holodecks' in here, don't ya? Why don't ya play on one of them after lunch and I'll call ya when dinner's ready, OK?" asked a frazzled pilot. "OK. That sounds a little less boring than watching paint dry, D." she said, yawning. "What a pest!" he thought.

"I say! I just had a signal from 'Mistress Sylvia' on Mars, Gazelle! 'Silathia' and that 'Space Fox' laddie never got there! Not only that, sir! The 'Harvester' seems to have disappeared into space! My poor child! Whatever will I tell 'Willowmena', uh, 'Lady Preklang'?" said a very upset 'Lord Thane Preklang XII'. The fellow had burst into 'Chief Gazelle's office unannounced and had begun to berate 'Chief Gustav's cousin.

"Now, now, sir. Your lordship. I am sure that there's a perfectly logical reason- excuse me, please. Yes? Speaking. No. As a matter of fact, we were just wondering where they might have gotten to ourselves. Yes, His Lordship is most upset. No telling what Her Ladyship will say." said Gazelle into his vidphone.

"What 'Her Ladyship' will say about what, 'Gaylord', dear?" asked 'Lady Preklang' who had just sailed into Gazelle's office- also unannounced. "Is it about my poor baby, Thane? Gaylord? What is wrong? I demand that you tell me immediately!" she yelled, stomping her foot on the floor like a precocious child. "Manners must have skipped a generation or two." mused 'Gaylord Gazelle' to himself.

"Now, 'Willowmena', my dear. 'Lathey' and that von Rommel boy- their vessel seems to have- uh- disappeared, my love. I-" replied her husband and then the floodgates opened and the dam burst. In other words, she started bawling like a kid.

"Oh, for the love of Heaven! Stop crying, woman!" roared a voice from- nowhere.

"Show a little tact, 'Black'. I apologize for my 'alter ego self', gentlemen and lady. Not to worry though. I am, at this very moment, attempting to draw the 'Harvester' with your child and the young buck pilot back through time to the present. I-" said a second, more cultured and quieter voice which also seemed to emanate from nowhere.

"Where are they, sir? Oh, where has he taken my poor baby girl, sir?" wailed Her Ladyship.

"Uh, that's bit difficult to answer, I fear. Technically, they are at a large spaceport located on the West side of Mars. However, they are also some several thousand millennia in their own past. My 'alter ego self', the 'Black Guardian of the Universes', thought it would be great fun to maroon them in the past. Now it's up to me to bring them back to- now. Problem is that I have never attempted a retrieval from a 'BR' (Before Rassilon) time era. Therefore, all I can do is bring them forward in time gradually. If I should attempt a speedy withdrawal, we could lose them both forever.

"I constructed a 'zero room chamber' for them aboard their vessel and they are both sealed safely within that chamber. There they will remain until such time as I am able to release them. They have everything that they could possibly need for a prolonged sojourn in there." explained 'Mr White' and 'Willowmena' giggled. "I fail to see the humour in this situation, Madam." said the second voice.

"Sorry. I pity poor 'Mr von Rommel'. Trapped in the same chamber with my 'Silathia' for Kami knows how long a time. She makes 'Hadley Bills' and 'Kodie Koster' look like choirgirls compared to our little 'Lathey'. Thank you for all that you are doing, sir. Plase keep us advised of your progress." said 'Lady Preklang' and her hubby put his arm around her shoulders.

"I'll send 'Mistress Sylvia' a signal about this so the old girl won't worry about her student and her escort, my love. Might I use your vidphone, Gazelle? Thanks." said 'Thane Preklang XII' who was now simply a worried father.

"Is this place like the 'hydrabolic time chamber', man? Like on that old Earther anime series I mean, D.?" asked a bored Lathey Preklang. She had decided to dress up a bit for dinner meaning that the miniskirt had been replaced by faded cutoff jeans and the tank top by a turtleneck sweater.

"If you mean, does time slow down in here, no. If you mean, has time stopped for us while we're in here, yes. So if you think that if we're stuck in here all year that your school year will be over, forget it, Lathey. By hook or by crook, you are going to 'Mistress Sylvia's school whether you like it or not. I promised Chief Gazelle and your father that I'd get you to Mars and that is exactly what is going to happen. Switch on the 'chronometre'. That blue thing beside the vidphone. Now, does it say 'BR' or 'AD'?" replied Dietrich.

"Uh- 'BR'. No, hold it a sec. It just went to 'AD' and the number is '1737', D. Only about five centuries left to go. I dunno whether to cheer or boo, man. I am not looking forward to attending classes on Mars. I don't know anybody there." said Lathey.

"Aw, cheer up, kiddo. You'll make new friends there. Besides, I'll be swinging by to visit ya whenever I can. Both your Dad and Chief Gazelle said it'd be OK for me to visit ya. Hmmn. At the rate of half a century per solar hour- that's ten hours. That would make it sometime tomorrow evening- around 2100 hours. I mean nine o'clock tomorrow night. That's when we should be back in our time- AD 2260. I won't risk a night landing on the dark side of Mars so we'll 'touch down' as soon as the sun rises.

"We'll have breakfast at 'Star Dunk's if the town's got one. Then we'll load up your goodies and you and I'll pilot my sky sled to this school of yours. Hmmn. No place to stop for lunch that far out in the boondocks so we'll take a picnic lunch with us and find some nice shady spot to stop. Maybe 'Star Dunk's can supply us with a nice picnic basket lunch. OK. What's on the 'boob tube' tonight? Hey! What d'ya know, Lathey. 'Lost in Time' is on tonight. Well, you watch whatever you wanna, kid. I've got to catch up on my vidjournal. You can have the bath room first tonight. Sure hope nothing else goes wrong. Hey, we're in 'AD 1787' now, Lathey. And it's been almost an hour since I last checked the 'chronometre'. Nine hours and four and half centuries to go. Uh- maybe you'd better take a shower before you watch any vidTV, love. You smell ripe!" chuckled the lad.

Lathey made a face and stuck her tongue out. "It ain't my fault, D. I didn't see that old sinkhole until I fell into it! Yuckie! I thought that I got all of that muck off of me when I showered this morning? Guess I didn't, huh? OK, I'll take a bath already, man! Oh and a gentleman does not tell a lady that she stinks. It ain't polite." she giggled and he tossed her a container of 'Tomato Juice' and a fresh sponge. "What's this for, D.? I hate tomato juice. Ugh! That smell! Somehow it seems familiar but-" wondered the girl.

"You were not alone in that stinky 'sinkhole', love. There was a lovely black and white 'skunkasaurus' in there with ya. Only thing that can remove an Earther skunk's stench is that red juice. Hope it works on Mars's ancient species of polecat." chuckled D.

"OK, I'm goin', but you touch that vidremote, you die, man. There's a new 'comeback' series on tonight all about 'ark-e-ol-', old stuff that over the hill guys and ladies dig up. It's called 'Diggin' For the Truth' an' it's supposed to be 'ed'cational' too." replied Lathey and Dietrich could not help but wonder what this kid had spent her first 12 years learning? Her diction skills were rotten. Her grammar was atrocious. She could not spell worth a hoot. She had miscalculated their rate of fuel consumption on at least three different occasions so mathematics was definitely not this kid's forte. Yet she was interested in a dry subject like 'archaeology'.

One of Dietrich's older classmates had once taken part in a 'galactic treasure hunt' for an ancient Earther 'pyramid' or 'obelisk' about a decade ago. He'd filled young Dietrich's head with romantisicms about pirates and buried treasure and all the rest of it. There had even been a dastardly space pirate villain named 'Khan' involved in 'Franz Zebulon's 'mission', although Franz had never really been in any real danger since he and the other 'cadets' had been ordered to remain aboard 'Auntie Kerry's 'flagship', the 'Lovely Angel 2' while everyone else was with the 'away teams' hunting for the hidden loot! Some guys have all the luck, man! Of course, ten years ago, our hero had been all of six years old!

(AN: If anyone has a hankering to find out all about this particular pirate hunting mission, check out the vidreports and vidfiles from AD 2249-2250 in the vidfolders labeled 'Galactic Treasure Hunt'; 'Angelic Pyramid' and 'Trucks In Space' for the whole story of this incredible mission which involved, amongst other things, the 'True Knights' aka the 'Order of the Knights Templar' and the sole surviving Earther descendant of this ancient order of knights first organized on ancient Terra in the 9th Century AD).

Lathey returned to the sitting room area of the 'zero room suite' a half hour and a quarter of a century later. She was wearing a fluffy green bathrobe emblazoned across its back with a pair of golden 'ryu' (dragons). To hide the annoying hair curlers, she had wrapped a towel around her head in the ancient Terran Turkish style. On her feet were a pair of carpet slippers. Dietrich grinned and put away his new 'vidjournal'. Then he excused himself and went to use the bath room.

Lathey repped up some snacks and drinks and, when her hero returned, wearing a fresh outfit and 'slipper socks', she politely passed him the 'repper' machine. "Wanna 'rep up' a snack for yourself, D.? Ssh! Josh is talkin'! He's lookin' fer the 'Ark o' the Cubbyhole' in a convent. Really cool, man." she said and he laughed. This offended Her Ladyship to no end.

"I remember my 'Uncle Abraham' telling me about that thing. It's called the 'Ark of the Covenant' and it's a big golden chest that the ancients kept something called the 'Ten Commandments' in whenever they went off to start a war or kick the crap outta some other bunch o' screwballs. They are not even certain sure where the darned thing is supposed to be hidden, love. You sure that you have enough goodies there for tonight, dear?" chuckled Dietrich. He 'repped up' some vanilla mousse and a container of 'Martian Kola' for himself.

"I didn't eat very much at dinner, D. I only had three helpings. Remember, man? And- I am a growing girl, lover. Ssh! Commercial's over. Aw! Continued next week! Hey! Here's an ancient Terran horror film from way back in the 21st Century, man! 'Don't Breathe' it's called and it looks excitin', man! Quit hoggin' the 'repper'! I want some pizza, man! And more 'Applesauce Beer' too. Relax, it ain't got no alcohol in it, not even any 'synthenol', D. Want some cookies, man? Ooh! This looks scary! Cool!" yelled Lathey. Dietrich checked the 'chrono' and saw that they were travelling through 'AD 1887'. That was the year that Mr Doyle published his very first Holmesian novel excerpt in 'The Strand' magazine in ancient Terran 'Victorian' London. 'A Study in Scarlet' was still one of D.'s favourite novellas. He yawned and stretched out in the big reclining chair and closed his eyes.

The lad slept right through the screams and groans and catcalls and blood-curdling shrieks of Lathey Preklang. Using ear plugs has that effect on some people. When 'Don't Breathe' ended, Lathey watched a slew of Sherlock Holmes films from ancient Terran in the 1940's followed by two more set in the same time frame but first shown in theatres back in the 21st Century. The earlier actors were much better than the later ones even though the early SH films had been filmed in black & white while the later ones had been filmed in colour. The 'chrono' read 'AD 1987' when Lathey decided to retire. She covered D. with a 'repped up' Afghan blanket, took her mug of warm chocolate milk and toddled off to her bunk.

"Just when will you learn not to tamper with my 'flock', 'Black'?" demanded an exasperated 'White Guardian'. "More tea?" he added. The two 'Universal Guardians' were, as usual, sitting in the 'gazebo' in 'Mr White's extensive garden.

"Oh, what are you yammering about this time, you old fool? Lemon, please and two sugars. Thankee. I have not done a damned thing with any of your 'goody-goody flock', 'White'. Aha! You are referring to those two children on Mars, eh? ('White' nodded tersely.) Well, I am not the only dabbler in time travel, y'know?" replied 'Black' with some annoyance.

This gave 'White' pause for thought. Scheming, conniving and twisting his words- that was 'Black' alright. But- telling outright falsehoods or lies? Neither he nor 'White' could do that. In that respect, 'Black' was in the same boat as his cousin- sometimes called 'Old Scratch'- who preferred fire & brimstone to sunlight & shadows.

"Are you implying that this was the work of the 'Doctors', the 'Bakers', the 'Masters' or the 'Rannis'? Evil the latters may be, but tampering with the lives of two innocents? No, that I will never believe, sir. Want some cookies?" said 'White'.

"Thankee. I love oatmeal-raisin. Mmmn. Oho! You've been visiting 'Mrs MacCrimmon' again, have you not? No, I refer to that other little pest- the 'Time Traveler'. He's in cahoots with 'Vicious' and 'Oakenshield', y'know? Delicious! I love that Bavarian cream icing that 'Finny' uses on 'em. Although why the little varmint would send that lunatic brat and the 'Desert Fox's great-great-whatever back to a time before old 'Rassilon' is beyond me, old top. If you wish it, I could make some inquiries for you." replied 'Mr Black'.

"I apologize. However, you must admit that you adore meddling with my 'flock', old bean. Yes. See what you can find out. ('White' pulled a huge silver 'turnip' timepiece from his immaculate white vest's pocket and frowned.) Still in the 22nd Century. Another couple of solar hours until the kiddies are back in their own time era. Thank goodness that I had the forethought to construct a 'hydrabolic zero room time chamber' for them aboard the 'Harvester'. Keeping them in orbit around Mars throughout a 500 years' voyage is no piece o' cake either." said 'White'.

"Well, I'll see what I can dig up about this mess for ya, old sock. And please watch your language! Do you want to give me an 'Hydroxylein' headache on top of my migraine? I'll just take some sweets along for later. By the by, what year are they in now?" asked 'Black'.

"Eh? Oh, 'AD 2140' last time I checked. Yes, I know. That's the year that the whole 'rift in the space/time Continuum' started. Took our 'Deadly Dynamic Duos' almost a decade to sort out that mess. That reminds me. 'Shenron' (The eternal wishing dragon who now existed on 'Minerva'. His brother, 'Porunga', had been relocated to 'Andvari Major' when 'Freeza' had wiped out 'Namek'.) is coming by for a chat this evening. If you're not otherwise engaged, I'd be glad of your company. Around seven?" replied 'White' and 'Black' nodded.

"OK. See ya then, old boy. Thankee for the tea and sweets. My compliments to 'Miss Fiona'. Bye." said the 'Black Guardian', heading out the gate and across to his side of the garden.

"Hmmn. Another three-quartes of a century before I can unlatch that chamber for those poor kids. At least, 'Silathia' is not being as saucy as she was before. The boy just seems to grin and bear it with her. Ah, young love. Oh my! Out of 'Sensu Beans' again. Better have 'Master Korin' send some over for us with young 'Yashirobi'. 'Lord Shenron' said that he's out of 'Sensus' back home and young 'Krillin' is in training again. Hmmn. 'Goku' has finally taken 'Chi Chi' on a very belated honeymoon. With 'Gohan' and 'Goten' away for that conference on 'Mongo', that leaves 'Vegeta' and 'Bulma' to 'babysit' young 'Pan'. She's a teeny-bopper now and as defiant as ever. Now, there's a young lady who needs a dashed good old-fashioned spanking. Her Dad and her Gramps have allowed that child entirely too much latitude. Imagine! Allowing a 14 year old to stay out until ten o'clock at night! Preposterous!" thought 'White'.

"I agree, 'Whitey'. Most preposterous indeed. Yeah, I just got your 'mind send' and 'Yashi's on his way over with a few cases o' 'beans'. Kid's seemed to be down in the dumps o' late so please don't hassle him. Any idea how long 'Val's ('Gohan's wife was 'Pan's Mom.) going to take to 'find herself' this time?" asked 'Master Korin' using 'mind send'. He usually assumed the form of a large orange 'neko' (cat) with a 'smiley grin' like 'Garfield' in the funny vidpapes. He also habitually carried a big black 'Shillelleigh' or cudgel and he used it with gusto whenever the need arose.

"Alas, no. All that I can gather is that she's staying with the 'Nereids' up on 'Mt Olympus' where she has old 'Zeus' pulling his beard out by its roots and tossing out thunderbolts across half of the Universes, old friend. Um- you haven't heard anything about someone pissing off 'Kronos', have you?" asked 'White' using 'mind send'.

"Ya mean it wasn't yer 'alter ego'? It's more his style, ain't it? No? The 'time jockeys' perhaps? Not them either huh? That just leaves 'Time Traveler', only- he's locked up on 'Seto Kaibo'. Hey! 2030 hours on the kids' ship- half past eight in the evening- and they are back to the day before they landed on Mars or were to land there in 'AD 2260'. Gonna release 'em now, 'Whitey'?" laughed the orange cat who had just 'mind sent' to the old 'Guardian' again.

"Nah, I think they need a good night's sleep and I don't want young Dietrich trying to make 'planetfall' in pitch darkness. I'll let 'em out tomorrow morning at six. Nice chatting with you, 'Korin'. Later, dude." replied 'White' in 'mind send'.

"Your call, baby. Sleep tight, man. Later." replied 'Korin' in 'White's mind.

"Wake up, Sleepyhead. According to the 'chrono', we are back to AD 2260- the day before we reached Mars's 'inner markers'. 'Mr White' has unlatched our 'prison', Lathey. Get dressed and I'll meet ya in the 'star room'. I've never been to the 'dark side' of Mars before and I'd like to see what it looks like from above. The outside temp's just above freezing so ya'd better bundle up good. I just checked and 'Mr White' has 'prepped' a sky sled for us. According to the 'Compendium', 'Mistress Sylvia's school is a solar day and a half from our 'landing zone'. I have java and breakfast waiting in the 'star room'. Hurry up, kiddo." said Dietrich and Lathey yawned and sat up in her bunk. Her face was red when she realized that she had slept in the raw! However, her hero had already departed from the chamber.

"About time, love. Take a gander at yer new home and then have yer breakfast while I load up yer luggage." said Dietrich and she nodded and yawned again. She had dumped her outdoor winter weather gear on the floor. Underneath her flight suit and boots, she was wearing several undershirts, sweaters and a jacket, several pairs of woollen socks, three pairs of ski pants and her slipper socks. Piled up behind her chair was a small mountain consisting of fur cap, earmuffs, gloves, scarf, muffler, fur parka and her gunsash and weapons. Dietrich had already taken their plasma rifles and 'stasis' guns down to the sled.

"Why do girls always pack so much junk when they travel? Oh well, here we go." mumbled the lad to himself, adding the last of milady's luggage to the 'transporter pads'. Then he 'transported' the lot onto the sled and stowed the rifles and guns away on the back seats. "Not much room to sit and she'll be sure to gripe about that. But- it's her rubbish, not mine." he added to himself, resetting the 'odometre' to nil. He sat down and keyed in the directions to her new school into his PDO unit and placed it on the console between pilot and co-pilot seats.

Lathey carried her winter gear, two Thermos bottles of hot java, a picnic basket and her gunsash and sidearms down to the docking bays. Dietrich was just in time to grab the basket and java bottles from her before she dropped them. Then he stowed her winter gear and his own aboard the sled, added the basket and bottles and helped the girl to buckle on her gunsash.

"All loaded up. Wanna wait here while I make 'planetfall', love?" he asked and she shook her head. "Nope. I wanna watch you work, Lover. I've never been on the bridge of a vessel when it 'touched down' before. Should be fun, man." she giggled. The two kids walked to the lift and rode it up to the bridge where they strapped themselves into their seats.

Dietrich was a skilled pilot and she hardly felt the slight bump when they landed. "You stay aboard while I get out and check out the 'LZ' and get my bearings and- don't touch anything. Here. Drink some hot java. It'll wake ya up, love. I won't be long." he said and Dietrich 'transported' himself onto the surface of Mars. The solar winds were blowing snow, ice, hail and freezing rain all over the place when he 'rematerialized' outside of the 'Harvester'.

"OK. Got it. Hey, Lathey! Damned cold out here. Ya better get aboard the 'Thresher'. I'll be right there, love." said the lad, using his comm badge communicator.

"Roger that, D. Uh- what's a 'Thresher', man? Over." she replied. "That's my sky sled's name. Get aboard her and strap yourself in. I wanna get moving and fast. There's a cyclone headed this way. See ya soon. Dietrich out." he yelled because the winds were howling like a pack of angry banshees. He 'transported' directly to the docking bays deck and hopped behind the sled's controls and strapped in. He snapped the top shut and sealed it. "Hit that pad marked 'Air Lock', love. Here we go." said her hero and, with his afterburners screaming and his thrusters engaged, the sled lifted off and into the aether of Mars. "Hit it again, love. Good. Thanks." said Dietrich. "Now what?" she asked. "Just sit back and enjoy the ride." he replied and accelerated to Point Five Warp.

"This is 'Thresher' calling 'Zenon Control'. Do you read me? Over." he said into his vidmike. "Roger that, sir. That you, D.? It's me- 'Audra Prescott'. Over." replied the husky female voice at the other end. "That's an affirmative, Honey. Are you picking up my 'tracker beacon'? Over." said the lad. "Unh huh. Loud and clear, D. Got the brat with ya? 'Sylvie's having a connipton and three catfits, man. You were due here hours ago, D. What with that cyclone and all. Over." replied 'Audra', a lovely green-haired 'Sireenian' beauty.

"The 'brat' is just fine, Missy! For your information, we've been stuck in-" yelled Lathey into the vidmike before D. took it away from her. "See ya at lunchtime tomorrow. von Rommel out." he said and tossed his vidmike on the console. "Ya can never ever tell who's listening in, love. And, for Kami's sake, keep yer big trap shut about the 'zero room time chamber'. I had to promise that we'd say zilch about it to keep 'Mr White' from erasing our memories. Don't tell anyone, not even 'Mistress Sylvia'. Do you understand me, 'Silathia Preklang'?" said an agitated Dietrich and she nodded. She had never seen D. this upset before.

"I'm hungry. When's lunch?" she asked about three hours later. The further North that they had travelled, the warmer the temps were getting and the weather had turned from winter to summertime. He pointed ahead to the horizon. "Another hour and we'll stop for lunch, love. According to the 'GC' ('Galactic Compendium'), there's a picnic grove up ahead. Here. Chow down on these for now." he said, shoving a handful of chocolate bars into her hands. "Thanks a lot." she replied irritably. The old 'Silathia' was back?

"Pass me some java, please. I didn't get much sleep last night, love." he yawned and she poured out java for them. "Want a chokky bar, D.?" she asked, but he shook his head and sipped his hot java. "Just ahead. No, don't unstrap yet. See a good spot yet?" he asked and she pointed to starboard where a picnic table and benches were set up under a big spreading 'Yaggaronda' tree. He slid the sled to a smooth stop and shut down his afterburners and thrusters, unsealed and popped the top and sighed. "I wish that you could play pilot for awhile. I'm bushed!" he said, unstrapping himself and hopping out of the sled.

"Sorry, but Papa says 12 is too young to fly. I'll get the picnic stuff out. Why don't ya get some rest, D.?" she cooed and he stretched out beneath the 400 metres tall tree. "Wake up, Lover. Lunch is ready, man." she said, gently jostling him awake.

After another long and boring solar day and night and then another 12 solar hours, Dietrich landed his 'Thresher' on the campus lawn of 'Mistress Sylvia's prestigious school which her students had nicknamed 'Hogwart Hell'.

"Hi there! I'm 'Audra Prescott' with 'Zenon Control'. That's what we call our 'Welcoming Committee'. Hi, D. Long time, no see, man. And this must be Lady Silathia Preklang? Hello, my dear. You're in our '6th Form' classes and-" bubbled Audra until Lathey interrupted her.

"Hold the damned vidphone a second here, Honey! I am in the '8th Form'. I'm ahead of my '7th Form' class back on Jupey. You'd better trot out the old girl because my Daddy paid for two years in advance and he's 'Lord Thane Preklang XII'! Where is the damned wicked witch anyway, man?" snarled a very pissed off spoiled brat.

"Young woman! You will watch your language or you will soon find thyself in the 'solitary cells'! Good afternoon, I am your 'headmistress' and my name is 'Mistress Sylvia' and I am not the 'damned wicked witch', Miss Preklang. How do you do, sir? Dietrich von Rommel? Not 'Rowdy Ronnie's boy? Surely not? Oh, but you must be. I have heard glowing reports of your exploits, young man. 'Gabby' Gazelle just cannot stop talking about 'her laddie'. Goodness! Have you had luncheon yet? You have? Well, no matter.

"Our little 'Missy Audra' will take 'Missy Silathia' to her dorm room while 'Kells' sees to the luggage. Oh, you are in our '6th Form', my dear. We looked over your grades from your last school and we have decided that they are not up to par for the '8th Form' here, not even our '7th Form'. Perhaps- after you catch up in half a semester or so- then you might be advanced to our '7th Form'. Then you could begin next year in the '8th Form'. You have the necessary forms for us, young Dietrich? Excellent. Follow me if you will and we shall soon get them sorted out. Um- are you on a tight schedule, my lad?" said 'Mistress Sylvia' and Dietrich confessed that he was not due back on Jupiter right away.

"Hmmn. Yes, these all seem to be in order, young man. Oh, pardon my manners, sir! Help yourself to a few 'jelly babies'. My sister is a 'time lady' and visits her niece here every week. She knows that I love these sweets and always brings me a fresh supply whenever she comes over from 'Gallifrey'. Coffee or tea?" asked 'Mistress Sylvia's 'proctor' or 'vice-headmistress' whose name was 'Mistress Muriel'. She was the spitting image of 'Meg March' from 'Miss Alcott's ancient Terran novel 'Little Women'.

"Coffee, please. Creamer and three sugars. Thank you, mum." answered Dietrich, resisting the urge to put his booted feet up on the huge desk the way he had seen his 'Auntie Kerry' do on so many occasions. 'Mistress Muriel' rang a tiny silvery bell and a blonde girl of about 10 Earther years appeared as if by magic.

"Yes, 'Mistress Muriel'?" she asked, curtseying almost to the floor. "Coffee. Cream and three sugars, 'Missy Georgina'. Thank you, my dear. You may go." said the 'Warden' and 'Missy Georgina' curtseyed her way out of the silver portals.

"All done with him, 'Muriel'?" asked the headmistress and her subordinate nodded.

"Then would you please come into my office, young man? Muriel will send over your coffee when our 'gofer girl' brings it back." said 'Mistress Sylvia'. He meekly followed the tall and austere silver-haired lady.

"Now, I want to know a few things, son. First, have you ever heard of 'Victorine'? It's a newly formed planet that is being 'colonized' to accommodate the poor unfortunates 'marooned' here in this Century when that horrid 3WA woman ruined the 'Continuum'. Second, if your answer to the first question is 'yes', do you know how to get there? Third, If both answers to one and two are 'yes', would you mind making a detour and dropping off a few packages for me before you return to Jupiter? Ah, here's our 'Missy Georgina' with your coffee. Don't slouch, my dear child. Just put it on the table beside the young gentleman. Manners! Have you not neglected something?" demanded the headmistress, frowning.

"Very pleased to make your acquaintance, 'Master von Rommel', sir. Will there be anything else, mum?" the 'gofer girl' asked, curtseying all the way to the floor. "Very nice to know you as well, 'Missy Georgina'." said Dietrich, awkwardly. The girl blushed a bright crimson. "You are dismissed, my dear child." said her headmistress and the girl curtseyed again and departed, closing the golden portals behind herself.

"The answers to all three queries are 'yes', mum. I'd be happy to make a quick stopover. We did make a slight detour on the way here and we wound up on 'Victorine', mum. May I be permitted to ask-" began Dietrich, but she waved away his words.

"They go to a 'Mrs Chester Kelly'. I believe that her given name is 'Molly'. I believe that she and her husband have been married less than a few months. She is some sort of 'navigational' person and he is what the ancient Earthers called a 'fire fighter'. Do you perhaps-" began 'Mistress Sylvia' and this time, it was Dietrich's turn to interrupt.

"Ya must mean Chet and Molly, mum. I know 'em well. Belated wedding gifts?" chuckled the lad, eyes twinkling.

"Yes. One of our young ladies went home on holiday and she neglected to take our own wedding gifts along with her. 'Missy Chloe' was to meet her parents there and then return home to 'Shimougou'. You would not mind dropping them off to the 'Kellys'? You are quite sure, young man?" asked the spinsterish elderly lady.

"Nope. Not at all, mum. Glad to do it for ya. Uh- may I see 'Missy Lathey' before I go, mum?" he asked.

"Of course you may see 'Missy Silathia', 'Master Dietrich'. (She picked up a blue and green vidphone.) Uh- 'Mistress Muriel', could you please bring 'Missy Silathia's vidfile into my office. Thank you, my dear." said the headmistress. The 'gofer girl' ran in with the vidfile, curtseyed and 'Mistress Sylvia' shooed her away. "Yes. You will find her in her dormitory room. The '6th Form' girls are all billeted in the same wards as are all of our other girls. No private suites here, young man. I'll have our 'gofer girl' take you over to her dorm. Oh, you may have noticed that 'Missy Georgina' called you by name and yet you had not been introduced to her. All of us ladies- the 'mistresses' and the 'missys'- can use 'mind speak'. Aha! I see that you too have a similar ability. Ah, good. Please conduct 'Master von Rommel' to the '6th Form' dormitory ward. Then you may go off duty until dinner. Thank you.

"Oh yes, dinner is at six, sir. Will you be joining us? (Dietrich nodded, wondering if he was supposed to dress for dinner?) Good. And you need not dress for dinner although our young ladies always dress formally for meals here. We may be located some distance from civilization, young Master, however, we remain civilized at my academy. You must not keep the young 'missy' waiting, young man. Good afternoon. Oh and one more thing- No visiting in the dorms after lights out. That will be at eight o'clock this evening. Yes, our 'Missy Silathia' is going to find that we do things quite differently here on the red planet than she is used to on the largest planet. Off you go. While you are visiting, I will have your sky sled loaded with our gifts for the 'Kellys' and some victuals and beverages for your return journey. Please give our best to His Lordship and Her Ladyship for us. Oh and please warn them that they will receive weekly reports of 'Missy Silathia's progress or lack thereof and the young lady will be writing to them faithfully- thrice a week. That is all. You may leave us now, young man." said the stern austere spinster lady.

"Ahem! 'Missys'! Visitor in the dorms. Make sure that you are decent!" announced Dietrich's 'guide'. Man! The 3WA 'Academy' hadn't been this damned strict! A short pert brunette eleven year old pushed past him, carrying a large pasteboard box. She dropped her box on the floor and yelled "Anyone here have any slacks, shorts, hot pants, minis, tank tops or caps, 'Newbies'?" she announced and girls came forward with armloads of 'civvies' to drop into the box.

"What gives, man?" demanded Lathey.

"Do you have any of those contraband items, 'Newby'?" asked 'Missy Veronica', clearly a '6th Form' upperclass 'Missy'.

"Yeah. So what? What's it to ya, 'four eyes'?" snapped 'Missy Silathia'. "You're awful big for a '6th Former', 'Newby'." said 'Missy Veronica'. "I'm 12 and I should be in the '8th Form', bitch." snarled Dietrich's spoiled brat. "Watch your language, 'Newby'! Otherwise, you will end up in the 'solitary cells', 'Missy'. Certain articles of civilian clothing are not permitted on campus, 'Newby'. Thank you, 'Missys'. Well, 'Newby'?" said 'Missy Veronica', pointing at her almost full box.

"Duh! That's why 'civvies' are for 'OFF' campus, Stupid. Sheesh! What a brain-dead moron, man!" giggled Lathey. For some reason, the whole 'ward' thought that these remarks were hilarious. "Huh? What'd I say, you 'Vacuumheads'?" asked Lathey.

"Look, 'Newby', there is no 'OFF' campus here. The nearest village is 140 kilometres away and the closest town is 200. Excuse me, 'Missy Suzette', but how far are we from 'Moravian City' (The largest city on Mars and also its capitol.)?" called 'Missy Veronica'.

"Almost a thousand kilometres and clear on the other side of the planet, mon cheri. Why? Does Her Ladyship wish for me to order Madame's carriage?" laughed the girl who had originally been born on Mars to parents of Terran French descent.

"You chuckleheads have GOT to be kiddin', man! No 'OFF' campus at all? What the Hell d'ya do fer funsies?" yelled Lathey.

"We improve our minds by reading and studying. We have sports and games as well. We even have several 'holodeck rooms', but they must be reserved in advance, 'Missy Silathia'. Good afternoon again, Master Dietrich. 'Mistress Sylvia' asked me to inform you that 'Kells' has loaded provisions and the gifts aboard your vessel and he has also topped off your 'dilythium crystals' fuel supply, Master 'Fox'." said 'Mistress Muriel'. Although second in command to the 'Sea Hag', the 'proctor' was beloved by all of the girls because she had interceded with her superior on their behalfs many times in the past.

"As for 'funsies' as you refer to them, 'Missy Silathia', you will write one hundred lines from the book of your choosing and it will be placed upon my desk no later than ten o'clock tomorrow morning. Come ladies, time to dress for dinner. You must excuse us now, 'Master Fox'. Thank you." said 'Mistress Muriel'.

"Fox? Hey, are you the 'Space Fox' guy? Cool!" yelped three of the 'Missys'. "Yes, ladies. This is the famous 'Space Fox' and he will be happy to sign your books after dinner." said 'Mistress Muriel', shutting the door behind Dietrich and his 'gofer girl' and the 'collector' who had been sorting through Lathey's luggage and selecting 'contraband' for her box. This time, 'Missy Veronica' begged the 'Space Fox's pardon before elbowing her way past him, lugging her box.

"Dress for dinner? Did I hear that right, 'Missy Georgina'?" asked Dietrich who had just signed his 'guide's vidautograph book.

"Yes, sir. Morning dresses for breakfast. Day dresses for luncheon. Dinner gowns for dinner. The rest of the day we wear our school uniforms. Like the one that I am wearing now, sir." she replied. How about for snacktimes? "Pardon me, sir, but it depends on whether it is morning, midmorning, midafternoon or evening snack, sir." added 'Missy Georgina'.

"Girls still wear those kinds of dresses? In this day and age, man?" he asked, incredulously. "Oh. Yes, sir. The 'Mistresses' and we 'Missys' design and sew them ourselves- by hand. Most girls have their own dinner gowns, but the school provides the morning and day dresses for us, sir. Um- sir? Can you find your way to the dining hall by yourself? See? It's that long building with the yellow roof, sir. I must change for dinner, sir. Good afternoon, sir." replied his 'gofer girl', running off towards the dorms.

"More like a military prison than a bloody school for ladies' manners and deportment, man. However, Lathey's parents have chosen wisely. This place is just what that young lady needs. Hmmn. Where'd the time go? Almost 1800 hours (6 PM), man." mused the 'Fox', jogging across the campus to the dining hall.

"Sorry, sir. This entrance is for the 'Missys'. That one is for the 'Mistresses'. The 'Visitors' entrance is the last portal on the right, sir." said the auburn-haired beauty standing guard over the three portals for the dining hall. Dietrich scribbled something in the girl's vidbook and allowed her to snip off a few locks of his hair. Then he sauntered through the 'Visitors' portal and another 'Missy' directed him to the table marked 'Mistresses' where another 'Missy' seated him and handed him a menu.

"Relax, 'Fox Boy'. Everything that our little 'Missys' do here is designed to teach them courtesies, honour, manners and deportment. For example, none of our 'Missys' will dare to approach you for your vidautograph during any of our seven courses. However, when the dismissal bell is rung, be prepared for a 'mob scene', Dietrich. Uh- stand up for the 'Benediction', sir." whispered 'Mistress Muriel'. She stood up along with several other matronly ladies.

At the head of the table stood 'Mistress Sylvia'. "Attention. 'Missy Gretchen' will now recite the 'Benediction' for us. Eyes closed, please and hands clasped. Go ahead, my dear." said the stern headmistress. The 'Benediction' seemed to take longer than one of 'Lord Thane's after dinner speeches! Then, at a signal from 'Mistress Muriel', everyone sat down again. I felt awkward, but I had been raised that a true gentleman must remain standing until all ladies present have been seated. Finally, I decided that the 'Missys' were all seated and I sat down again.

The dinner was wonderful even though I had merely pointed at a few things on the vidmenu which was printed in ancient French! At last, I heard the loud pealing of a faroff bell which 'Mistress Natalia' told me was the 'dismissal bell'. Then she added "You poor soul, sir." Next that I knew, I was mobbed by polite requests for vidautographs. 'Missy Georgina' would not allow my cup o' java to remain empty nor was my tray of sweets permitted to remain bare. My fingers were cramping when I had signed the last vidbook- for 'Mistress Muriel'. Then my 'gofer girl' nudged my arm and handed me a gilt-edged vidautographs book. "It is for 'Mistress Sylvia', sir." she whispered and I quickly wrote something in the book and signed my 'John Hancock' one more time. I was still in shock that I was so well-known here on Mars, especially in this faroff portion of the red planet.

"Now who knows what we call this item, boys and girls?" asked Dr Kelly Brackett, MD, FACS. Held aloft by Dr Joe Early, MD, FACS was a shiny stethescope. Finally, an 'Andorrian' girl raised her webbed arm. "Yes, Honey? Do you know what Dr Joe is holding up?" added Kelly.

"Yes, sir. It is a 'diulurean transvex audio orator'. Its usage is to hear the matriculations and articulations of a human heart, sir. Such antiques were once used on Terra in ancient times, sir." explained 'Ruthoria Jagdellek'. The girl remained standing while Nurse Dixie McCall, RN stifled a giggle. "It's common nomenclature was a stethescope, sir." she added.

"Quite correct, young lady. However, in ancient times? May I ask what instrument has replaced it in modern times, 'Miss Jagdellek'?" asked Joe. "Of course, sir. Its modern counterpart is known as a 'tri-corder' and is much more effective and able to be used by any lay person, sir." replied the girl while Dixie smiled at the kid. It wasn't often that a mere child could mollify Kelly Brackett and Joe Early at the same time. Mike Morton was 'holding down the fort' back at the brand new 'VC Clinic' while Kell, Joe and Dix along with a few of the firefighters and paramedics were appearing at the new 'VC Elementary School'.

"Your turn, Hank and try not to set the school on fire like Johnny and Roy did, please." said Kelly Brackett.

"Chet? How about you explain the various tools we use to rescue trapped people from a burning building?" asked Captain Stanley of 'VC 51'. After a long and drawn-out (boring?) tirade about axes, 'pulaskis', 'Hurst' tools, etc., Chet Kelly, firefighter extraordinaire asked if anyone knew of any safer and quicker tools that he could have used to rescue people from a burning building and every hand, web, flipper, whatever in the classroom shot up. Chet pointed to a bright young 'Quirian' lad who stood up, bowed to Chet, then the class. Then 'Adamus Lodikril' reached behind himself and grabbed 'Molly Kelly-Eastwood's 'laser sword hilt' from her gunsash and, pointing it at the model building beside Chet, he fired point blank! The Earthers dove for the floor while the kids roared with laughter.

Molly retrieved her weapon from young 'Adamus' and boxed the lad's ears. "These are not toys, young man! Neither are they a fire-fighting or rescuing tool. Guys? Marco? Steve? How about quenching that blaze for us? Get up, you dashed cowards! You too, Honey. Sheesh! OK. The kids already know what these are used for, but, for the benefit of you Earthers, I will explain. A 'laser sword hilt' can instantly become a 'laser light sabre' weapon. It can slice through pure kelvinite or steel or concrete, etc. It is also useful as a combat weapon and if ever you are stuck on a treeless plain and need heat or warmth, simply use this to heat up a few stones- using its lowest setting, of course. There's the 'dismissal klaxon', kiddies. Remember to read vidchapter 20 in your 'Navigational Technologes' vidmanuals and be ready for a test the next time you report to my class.

"OK. Get that piece of junk out of my classroom and somebody revive my brave hubby. Eh? Who? The 'Space Fox' is back? Here? Oh, at the stalag huh? Why call me, man? He's brought what? Hey, Chet baby! We got some belated wedding prezzies and so have 'Wolfgang and Helga'. Dietrich's dropping off theirs first and then he's coming back here, Love. Wonder what we got? Any o' you brave fireguys and PM guys wanna hoist a few with me and Chet? What are you guys tryin' to do, Steve? Marco? That's a 'holographic' projection, not a real building. OK. Turn it off, Neko. Thanks." said the 'teacher' and then they all went off for some 'brewskies' at the new 'Purple Grotto' pub.

"They have been making great progress here, my lord. The city is nearly halfway towards completion. What are you going to do? How are we to infiltrate the 'colonists' barriers, sire?" asked the ugly tall man who was affectionately known as the 'Beast Master' because of his animal-like cruelty and his love of sadism and torture.

"I will tell you a secret, 'Beastie'. I have achieved what my late father was never able to accomplish. I can cause both 'Daleks' and 'Gundams' to 'cloak' with the flick of a switch, my friend. They have, no doubt, been forewarned of my intentions. However, I deliberately let it slip that I would need another three solar years to reach this world. I have a job for you, 'Beast'. You will root out the bastards who betrayed me and you will kill them both." said the evil genius who, like his late father, was also a paraplegic seated in his own electrostatic wheelchair.

"But- how will I know whom these traitours are, my lord?" asked a puzzled 'Beast Master'.

"Simplicity itself, my friend. Just ask my agent in the new city to point them out. The name of my agent is-

END of Chapter 3. Chapter 4 'Who?' or 'Separated Newlyweds' to follow soon. Have a wonderful remainder of summer, everyone. Hi! I'm Silathia Preklang but everybody just calls me Lathey. Think I'm gonna stay at this snooty smartiepants school? Think again, man! Oh, you're still here, D.? Escape? Me? Hell no, I like it here swell. What d'ya mean- I am starting to look like 'Pinocchio'? Who the Hell's he or is it a she, man? Well, stay tuned, our loyal readers. Your Friendship Team appreciates your loyalty and devotion. Read/Review/Suggest away. Later.- Lathey.


	4. Ch 4 'Who'Separated Newlyweds'

Victors of Victorine

Chapter 4 'Who?' or 'Separated Newlyweds?'

DISCLAIMER: Hello! No, I do not choose to reveal my name just yet, dear friends. Suffice it to say that I am 'Caracticus Davros's 'agent' in the new city on 'Victorine' which will soon become our HQ- after we have eliminated the 3WA rabble rousers. Well, under 'Galactic Law', I must read you this drivel before you are permitted to view the 3WA's vidlogs and vidfiles. Ready?

First off, thankee to Mr Takachiho and the other fine creators whose works we have used, may use, will use or are currently using. Without their kind permissions, we could not share these wondrous adventures. Of course, anyone who wants to use our own creations is more than welcome so long as credit be given us where credit be due. Now, at the end of the last chapter, my boss was telling my secret ID to 'Beast Master' which he has done.

The 'Beast's mission- why is he called that? When you meet him, you will know that answer, my friends- is to kill the traitourous dogs, 'Master of Shadows' and his toadie 'Galliard'. To save their own skins, they have betrayed our 'Master' whose own father created the 'Dalek' race! 'Caracticus Davros' has united his 'Daleks' with the awesome and feared 'Gundammites'. Unknown to those of this world, soon we will add the deadly 'Cybremen' to our forces.

The fools who have betrayed us think that we will be giving our enemies three solar years before we strike. In reality, we will attack as soon as our 'gold haters'- 'Cybremen' can only be slain by this 'accursed yellow metal'- arrive on- No, I will not tell you where our 'staging area' is located, not just yet.

OK. Time to turn you over to the lovely young lady from 'Jupiter'. Take it away, Yer Ladyship, mum.

Hi there! Yeah, it is I, Silathia Preklang, but just call me Lathey. Yup, I'm still on Mars at 'Mistress Sylvia's Academy for Young Ladies'. Yuck! I hate these uniforms and having to dress up for breakfast, lunch and din din is the absolute pits, man! This evening, after lights out at eight, me and 'Missy Gwendolyn' are gonna make a break for it.

My own 'Prince Charming', better known as 'Space Fox', slipped away and took his skysled back to the 'Harvester'. 'Mistress Muriel' told me that he made it back to 'Victorine' safely amd then blasted off for Jupiter. However, the monthly supply vessel from 'Shimougou' will leave this evening at 2130 hours- 9:30 PM- for home with a side trip to 'Vic' to drop off supplies. 'Gwen's uncle is the captain of the 'Roadrunner Coyote' and she managed to swipe his vidcodes this afternoon.

She's been aboard the ship before and she assures me that there's a 'smugglers hole' under the 'docking bay' floor. 'Uncle Philip' used to run with 'Gene Starwind' and his 'Outlaw Star' when he was still doing his smuggling runs. Oh, now they're both legit, man. Anywho, there's just about enough room for us and our backpacks under there so that's where we'll hide out until 'lift off' at half past nine.

Because there's no place for us 'Missys' to go anyway, 'bed check' is simply a 'Mistress' flashing an illuminator on our bunks. Relax. We stuffed enough junk under the blankets to make it look like we're in bed asleep. 'Missy Patience' is somewhat of an artist and she made two very lifelike 'masks' which we will stick on our pillows before we split.

We'll jump ship when the 'RC' lands on 'Vic'. I've got plenty of UniCreds in my vidwallet account and so does Gwenny. We'll bribe another supply vessel to take us to another planet where we'll hide out until the heat's off. Then we'll get jobs somewhere and seek our fortunes, man.

"Hold it, Gwen. Count the bongs. I make it nine. Time to go. Grab your junk, kid. Been nice knowin' you guys. We'll drop ya a vidpost maybe. Bye." I whispered and Gwen and I slipped out the window and, keeping to the shadows, we finally made it to the vessel.

"Uh- Lathey? That looks kinda big for 'Uncle Phil's ship, man. You sure that's it?" asked Gwen in a squeaky voice.

"You gettin' cold feet, 'Gwendolyn Dalrymple'? O' course that's the damned ship! Nobody else is here, are they? Gimme the vidcodes. What a stroke o' luck! It's unlatched, man. Yo! Not so much noise, Gwen. This plate in the deck's loose. This must be the 'smugglers hole'. Down we go. You first and I'll hand down the backpacks. OK, now me and- turn on your pocket illuminator already. Watch yer head. There. Now be real quiet. Hmmn. If yer uncle's on time, we have less than ten minutes to go.

"OK. It was nice chatting with you, 'Syl', 'Muriel'. Now I'd best be on my way. The 'High Council' wants to know what's up on 'Workoh' in the 'Omega Quad' and I'm the only available 'time jockey'. A 'time lady's work is never done, man. 'Night." said 'Lady Galatea' who had been visiting with her niece's headmistress and proctor at her remote Martian school for young ladies.

"We thank you for the news from the outside world, Gally. And Muriel loves those jelly babies. So do the 'Missys'. Safe journey, my dear. 'Kerry' was there a few monthlets back and 'Lord Vicious' and those nasty 'Cybre' creatures were there along with that horrid Mr Oakenshield. Be careful, dear." said 'Mistress Sylvia'.

"Yes, indeed. Be very careful of those ruffians, Gally. Looks like our latest 'Missy' arrived in the 'eye' of those solar storms and there's a blizzard headed this way as well. Thank you very much for my jelly babies, dear. Take care. Bye." said 'Mistress Muriel'.

The tall titanesque beauty smiled and pulled on her gloves. Then she touched her belt buckle, shimmered and vanished.

"Well, it looks clear enough out here. Oh, there goes 'Phil Dalrymple's ship on his way home. Wish I was or at least going to that new world near here. Mine be not to reason why though. Damn! I'd better change my TARDIS back into a 'vidfilm kiosk' again. It sticks out like a sore thumb as a supply vessel." mused the 'time lady', powering up her 'pulsator drives' and 'lifting off' into the clear Martian night sky.

"Think it's safe for a food run yet?" whined Gwen. Neither 'Missy' knew that they were aboard a TARDIS and bound for the most dangerous world in the faroff 'Omega Quadrant' known as 'Workoh', 'Auntie Kerry's home world.

"Yeah, it's as quiet as the grave up there. You wait here and be quiet, Gwen. I'll find the galley." whispered Lathey, slipping a small Mark III miniblaster into her skirt pocket and igniting her 'laser torch'. After a good half hour of foraging, she found the galley and raided the antique icebox. "Huh? Phil's still got an old 'Amana' fridge? Probably stole it. What the Hell? Sounds like a school bell, man! Oh no! It couldn't be, could it? Yup! That wall covering is unmistakeable. We're on a TARDIS, man!" she said aloud.

"Who the Hell's we, girl and what the Hell are ya doin' on my TARDIS?" yelled Galatea who had been sure that she'd heard a mouse in her kitchen. "Put that stuff back in my icebox, dammit! Just what I need now- a couple o' stowaways! Oh Kee-Ricet! You must be one o' them 'Missys'. Where's yer partner? Oh, right. My TARDIS looked like a supply ship when ya came aboard so you musta been hidin' down in the dockin' bays. Let's go, 'Missy'. March. Back to yer friend. No, we'll use the lift this time. It'll be quicker. By the way, names Galatea, call me Gally. Yours?" snapped the 'time lady'.

Lathey fingered her ion cannon and decided not to let on that she was armed just yet. "Silathia, mum. Call me Lathey. We thought that this was Gwen's uncle's supply ship and- well, we were hidin' in the old 'smugglers hole' under the deck." explained Lathey.

"Gwen? Oh no! Not 'Gwendolyn Dalrymple'? Phil's niece? Got any more surprises I should know about, kid?" growled Gally.

"Are you gonna take us back to the school, mum?" demanded Lathey. Gally considered and then sighed and shook her head.

"Can't. I'm on a mission and I gotta maintain vidradio silence." she replied, yanking up the deck planking of the docking bay.

"OK, the jig's up, Gwenny. Come up outta there afore ya freeze to death. Now, 'Missy'!" yelled Gally and the short blonde poked her head up out of the hole in the deck. Betwixt the two of them, Gally and Lathey yanked her from her hiding place. Then Lathey retrieved their backpacks. "You two look hungry. Back to the kitchen, my two little mouse-lings." chuckled Gally.

"That was very good, 'Mistress Galatea', mum." said Gwen politely.

"Yeah, good grub, man." added Lathey, gobbling up her sixth cheeseburger.

"It's just Gally, kiddies. OK. Prepare for a shock. I ain't goin' nowheres near either Jupiter or Victorine. In fact, my next port o' call's gonna be 'Workoh'. And you'd better hand over that 'Mark III', Lathey and that 'laser sword', Gwen- before you hurt yourseleves, kids. 'Mind send', remember that, ladies? I read minds, man. OK. Get the dishes done and then I'll get you into some warmer kit. Oh and don't go wandering around my TARDIS. It exists in more than one dimension. You'll get lost and I ain't got the time to go lookin' fer ya. Yer Daddies and Mommies will have a royal fit when 'Syl' reports that ye're both gone tomorrow. And, by keepin' ya aboard, I'm guilty o' aidin' and abettin', man. Nope. Comm relay silence means no 'mind send' either. Not to mention takin' schoolkids into a restricted zone in a dangerous area.

"Hmmn. I don't dare leave you two aboard either. 'Omega's too close to the 'Neutral Zone' for comfort so I'd better take ya with me when I investigate 'Workoh'. OK, we're done here. I'll kit ya out tomorrow. Time for bed now. Follow me. Don't mind sharin' a room, do ya? I wanna keep you two clowns together. In here. Jammies and undies in that bureau and clothes in the armoire. Bath room's in there. Good night." said Gally and she shooshed the portal shut behind her. Then they heard the ominous click when she locked them in for the night.

"I say, Holmes! Don't you think that we should have asked permission before we, er, 'borrowed' this 'space runner' thingy?" asked a worried Dr John H Watson, MD.

"I thought that they had said 'make yourselves to home', didn't they, old boy?" countered 'Professor George Edward Challenger' who was puffing on an oversized cheroot, a glass of port beside his easy chair.

"Um, they did, old tot. However, making ourselves to home isn't quite the same as purloining a star vessel, is it?" replied Sherlock Holmes, puffing acrid smoke from his old Calabash pipe.

"I didn't realize that you knew how to pilot this craft, Professor. Otherwise, I'd be quite worried." said Watson.

"Eh? I can't fly, Doctor. Dashed good thing that Sherlock does, what." chuckled the heavyset gentleman.

"Um- I cannot fly either, George. Sorry." said Holmes.

"Then who's flying this contraption?" demanded a suddenly sick Dr Watson.

"I am, gents. Relax. It's on 'George'." laughed the buxom Ace Johnston, pouring herself a mug of hot java and taking a seat on the divan in the 'star room'.

"What! I just said that I cannot fly, Miss-" said Challenger.

"Johnston. Call me Ace, guys. I meant the 'automatic pilot', sir. Now- what the Hell are you stowaways doing here?" she demanded.

"I wanted to see the caverns and that big subterranean city that the Boss Lady told us about being on 'Workoh'. I, um, took the liberty of reprogramming the navigational system, my dear child." said Challenger, causing Watson to drop his glass and Ace to drop her cheroot. Holmes said 'My word, you don't say?' and then Ace used words that would have made even the Boss blush.

Then they all ran to the bridge. "Dammit! They're locked. I couldn't change course now if our lives depended on it. Like it or not, we are going to 'Workoh'. Damned comm relay's busted too so I can't call for help. I was supposed to be taking the mail to 'Minerva'. Well, get comfy, gents. We won't make planetfall for a solar week, man." said Ace.

"But how will we land this crate, Madam?" cried Watson.

"Oh, I can land us when the time comes. However, ya better hope to Hell that I can reprogram the damned nav drive or we'll be stuck here until the next raider ship arrives." growled Ace.

"Then what happens, Miss Johnston?" asked the doctor.

"Oh, they'll either hold us for ransom or they'll sell us as slaves. Forget it, guys. This place is not under 'Galactic Law' and the 3WA has no authority this far out. Tomorrow, we'd better see what weapons we got. We may have to fight our way off this damned planet, gentlemen. OK. Which one of ya knows how to cook? No 'reppers' aboard, y'know? Man, I'm tired. Who wants first watch?" yawned the teenaged girl.

"Watch for what, my dear?" asked the professor.

"The usual. Pirates, scowrers, raiders, killers, Roms, Klingons, Daleks, Cybremen, Gundammites and like that, man. OK. 'Tubby's first, then the doc, then 'Skinny' with the pipe and I'll take the graveyard shift. 'Night." said Ace, collapsing on the divan.

"Tubby? I say! I have never been so dashed insulted in my life! What say, Holmes? Doctor? Oh to Hell with it. I'll wake you in four hours, Doctor." said Challenger, settling into his chair for a snooze.

"Uh, you watch from the bridge using the scanners, man. Get out there." growled Ace. The professor harumphed a few times and then rode the lift upstairs to the bridge where he settled down to watch the blips and dots on the vidTV screens.

"Dammit to Hades, Moll! You just got back from a mission, man! It ain't fair. We was gonna have some cuddle-up time together, 'member? Now they want ya to goes off again to Heavens knows where for Lordy knows how long and- well, I'm stuck here with the fellers! How come 'Joanna deSoto' can't go instead, man?" whined 'Firefighter Chet Kelly'.

"I know, dearest and I don't like it any more than you do, but I am a flag officer in the 3WA. That means that I'm on call 24-7 same as you guys. After all, last time I had shore leave, you were forever running fires back on 'Shim' and I didn't complain, did I, Snookums?" replied a cooing 'Molly Eastwood-Kelly'.

"No, but gee whillikers, man. I was on the same planet with ya, wasn't I? What if I talked to the 'shrimp' for ya, Moll? Maybe she could send-" wheedled her hubby of almost a year.

"Oh, OK. Go ahead and ask the Prez Lady, but don't get your hopes up. She's over at Hogan's place in that old stalag camp. I'm bushed. I'm gonna take a nice hot bath and go to bed. See ya later and good luck, Sweetheart." yawned Molly, kissing him on the forehead.

As soon as the bath room portal had shut behind her, Chet made a beeline to the new 'Victoria City Fire & Rescue Services' firehouse to get some help.

"Hullo there, Chet. Deal ya in, man or wouldn't Mommy like your playin' poker with us?" chuckled Mike Stokes.

"Aw, cut it out, Mike. This is serious, man. Molly's leavin' again." whined Chet Kelly.

"So? What d'ya want us to do about it, Chet? I'll take three." said Paramedic Roy deSoto.

"Yeah, my 'Angela's (Walker) goin' with her. Raise ya a hundred and call." said Johnny Gage, accepting two cards from Captain Stanley while 'Henry' relieved himself on the floor and then padded silently over to the sofa. None of the guys paid any attention to the doggie's 'accident' and two 'cleaner 'droids' whisked out and cleaned up the mess.

"Well, I figgered I'd go and ask 'Her Nibs' if she could send somebody in Moll's place." eexplained Chet.

"So? Alley Cat's over at the stalag visiting Helga and Wolfgang (Schmidt-Hochstetter and Hochstetter). Go ask her already." said Hank Stanley.

"He wants moral support." replied Roy.

"And he's too chicken to ask her by himself, man. Royal Flush. Read 'em and weep, guys." said Johnny, collecting the pot which signaled an end to the game. Marco and Mike began to get dinner 'repped up'.

"I am not! But- how's about it, Roy, Johnny? Moll's gotta leave tomorrow morning at six." whined Chet.

"Sure. Why not? Let's go and help him out, Johnny. Maybe she can find a substitute for Angie too." said Roy.

"OK if we borrow the squad air bus, Cap?" asked Johnny.

"Unh unh. Last time ya done that, we had three emergencies in a row and we had to use a sky sled. Here. Take my speeder. And don't hit anything this time." growled Hank, tossing them his vidcodes.

"Thanks a lot, Cap. See ya later, guys. We'll take good care of old 'Briana', sir." promised Chet.

'Briana' quickly ate up the kilometres and they had soon touched down at the stalag camp. Allison Poe-Prydonia listened attentively and then shook her red head. "No, can't spare either one, gentlemen. However, I have an alternative. I need to send someone along who knows a bit about medicine. Tell ya what, Ensign Kelly. If you can get Colonel Stanley to allow 2nd Lts Gage and deSoto here to accompany Suba Eastwood-Kelly on her mission, I will assign you, Ensign Kelly, as the ship's fire marshall. Of course, just for this mission, you will be an acting Second Lt.

"This way, you and your wife will be together while Lt Gage will be aboard with his fiancee, Sub-Ensign Walker. Lt deSoto? I am afraid that your wife (Joanna) and children (Roy, Jr and Michael) have not yet returned from 'Kagura'. They will be delayed another fortnight, I fear. However, and this is top secret- Suba E-K is only on a fact-finding mission. If all goes according to Mr Hoyle, you will all be back in half that time. Good! Colonel Stanley has agreed on condition that I lend him a few 'tro-cons' to fill in for you. Oh dear. I do hope that all of you will get along with the 'Gratitude's new medical officer.

"He is a- Captain Michael Morton. His assistant is 1st Lt Jeannine Huntley. Ah, I see that you already know one another. Very well. Report to the 'Coriander' at the new 'Zamarkand Spaceport' tomorrow morning at 0500 hours, 5 AM. You will be lifting off promptly at 0600, 6 AM. Best get back home and pack up your kits. And the Colonel asked me to warn you not to scratch his 'baby'. He said that you would all divine his meaning. That's all. You are all dismissed, gentlemen." said Allie. The interview was clearly at an end. They saluted and left.

"What a break, man! I'm glad that you'll be coming along with us, Roy." said Chet.

Roy sighed. "Well, someone has to keep you guys outta trouble, doesn't he?" chortled Roy.

"Well, back already, Lovey? I did warn you not to get your hopes up, dearest." said Molly when her hubby had nudged her awake.

"Everything's OK now, Love Muffin. I'm going with you! So are Roy and Johnny." said an excited Chet.

"Uh, do they know that Morton and Huntley are aboard? (He nodded). OK, then get your kit packed and get to bed, man. I gotta be up by four. And that means you too. 'Night." said a yawning Molly, dropping back off to sleep.

"Yeah, they know, Honey. 'Night." replied Chet who was shoveling stuff into his suitcases.

"Are you certain sure that it is a 3WA vessel approaching, 'Lanyard'?" demanded the crafty space pirate renegade, Ashka Khan.

"Affirmative, sir. Wait. Yes. It is the 'Gratitude', sir. An unusual name for a star vessel, sir. Oh, it's a 'J-Class' ship, sir." replied his 'Number One' exec officer. Khan mused for a few moments.

"According to 'Oakenshield' and 'Vicious', 'She' has already been here and has explored the underground city. 'She' has also taken away the 'Dalek' prototype traveling machines as well as the 'Gundammite' mobile suits. Why return now? Curiouser and curiouser, Charles." said the Commander of the 'Botany Bay 2'.

"Fool! 'She' flits about on a huge 'K-Class' patrol starship, not a tiny 'space runner' vessel. This is an exploratory ship, Khan." said his chief weapons officer, the rogue 'time lady' known only as 'Veronica'. It was rumoured that she was from the aristocratic 'Gallifreyan' clan of Prydonia. 'Lady Veronica' neither confirmed nor denied this possibility. Khan trusted her as far as he could toss a space spanner. However, he had need of her TARDIS so he endured her insolence and insults- for now anyway.

"Orders, sire? Shall we bring her down? Tractor her in perhaps?" asked 'Black Widow', fingering her photon torpedo controls hungrily.

"No, I think not, 'Widow'. Not just yet. No, we will allow them to make planetfall and see what their plans might be. Then I will decide what to do with them. Are we 'cloaked'? (The lizard-like 'Krong' nodded). Then just keep them in sight. Perhaps they are here on a sight-seeing tour or a fact-finding mission. 'Zandar Zan', maintain comm relay silence. 'Greystokes', kill everything except life support, shields and weapons. Where are they landing, 'Basilisk'?" said Khan.

"Near the 'old city's entrance, sire." replied the fanged serpent from 'Ffollavia', the snake world. He was monitoring the scanners.

"They have landed, Captain. There are four. Three elderly human males and a much younger human female." reported 'Pew' from his 'star room' lookout post. He was supposedly the direct descendant of blind 'Pew' of 'Treasure Island' fame, but nobody really believed that one. Unlike his ancestour though, his eyesight was as sharp as an 'eagleflier'.

"Are they armed?" seethed 'Lady Veronica' eagerly, fingering her twin pistols.

"Aye. Sidearms and the chubby one's got a 'stasis' rifle. Girl's got a backpack and- Holy Flint! That's Ace Johnston! The 'bomber chick' that the 'Bannermen' had so much trouble with on 'Shaleton Five'! And she's got a couple o' backpacks too! This could get to be an explosive situation, Cap'n." replied 'Pew'.

"Scan that ship, 'Pew'. Bombard it with 'Tachyion Particle Beams' as soon as those four are outta sight. Is there anyone left aboard her?" ordered Khan.

"Aye aye, sir. (A few moments later). Negative, Cap'n. Nothin' aboard save their usual programming unit 'guardian', sir." replied 'Pew'.

"They seem to be using 'comm badges' to speak to each other, sire. Guess they're on 'Noxygen'. That aether is pretty harsh for mere humans, sire. Here. I've tapped into their relay signal. Listen." said 'Zandar Zan', piping his exterior vidmike's sounds through their own squawkboxes.

"Devil of a world, Professor. Any problems? I mean- for a person of your, uh, corpulence." said the older plump gentleman.

"Not a bit of it, old boy. And watch those slurs about me weight, sir. What's that toy pop-gun you've got, Doctor?" rumbled the slightly younger fat gentleman.

"I deduce from these tracks that I see here that cavern dead ahead was their destination." said the youngest of the three and the skinniest. He was carrying an old-fashioned 'hand lens' and wearing a weird looking cap.

"Brilliant, Sher, baby! Could it be that there's only one cavern in the mountainside and the only entranceway around here, man? Might as well see how far down it goes, boyos. Follow me. I am the ranking 3WA officer y'know." growled the girl who appeared to be no more than sixteen Earther summers in age.

"Well, if all they are doing is playing archaeologist, we will pay them no attention at all. Hopefully, they will leave before we do. I would rather not have to sneak off this world the way that 'Vicious' and those 'Cybre' freaks had to do last month when they were here with 'Oakbrain'. I wonder- 'Ronnie'?" said Khan.

"Yeah, what is it, Ashka?" asked the bored 'time lady'.

"Do you know anything about this new leader of ours, 'Caracticus Davros'? Is he the son of that 'Dalek' creator that the 'Leprechaun' iced a few decades back?" asked the Commander, referring the #7 time jockey 'Doctor'.

"Spot on, Ashy. His Mum's favourite vidfilm was that ancient terran flick, 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' and 'Caracticus Potts' was the name of the hero. So she named their kid after him. The kid had an accident of some kind when he was ten which left him a 'paraplegic'. However, he inherited his father's mental faculties and then some, man! He's uniting the enemies of the Federation and the 3WA and their cronies. He is determined to launch an attack from his new HQ world- 'Victorine', formerly 'Zamarkand'.

"Problem is that's the same world that is currently under colonization. They used a version of that same 'toy' that recreated you and Charlie (Lanyard) after ya launched that 'Project EDEN' 'life seed'. Hey, man. If you weren't already committed to this crackpot kid's plans, I'd just as soon drop the whole thing, man! He's got about as much chance of taking over the Federation as we do of finding 'Warrior's Gate', Ashka. 'Panther Girl'! Where's my latte java, girl?" said 'Lady Veronica' and the timid 'nekomata girl' came hurrying over with a tray of beverages and sweets.

"Hah! I could care less about conquering 'God Galadriel' and his peoples, Ronnie." replied Ashka Khan.

"Then what are we after, sir?" asked 'Nekarina Solstice' better known to all aboard as 'Panther Girl'.

"Flint's treasure, me hearties! That was what I was after when Harlock and his brat niece (Emma 'Queen' Emeraldas) hijacked my first 'Botany Bay' with the connivance of 'Starfleet' and that busybody Kirk! He, of course, did not believe that a pirate from 18th Century Terra had the abilities to convert his 'Black Pearl' schooner into a space going vessel! Fool! And that niece o' his was just as adamant! Let them keep the 'Bay', dammit all!" snarled the angry space bucanneer, crashing his fist down on the console.

"Uh, Ashy? Didn't that kid Hawkins (Jim) and 'Long John Silver' and 'Squire Trelawney' and the rest o' 'em find that loot on that deserted island? Or, rather, 'Ben Gunn' found it and shared it with 'em, man?" suggested 'Ronnie'.

"Aye, but that were only a small part o' the treasure, lassie. Me ancestour whose name I bears was not killed in the fightin' like that fool 'Stevenson' (Robert Louis wrote 'Treasure Island') writ doon! Nor did old Flint die! He found an 'Elixir o' Life' what keeps him both alive and young, lass. When he found that 'Elixir', he also discovered an ancient manascript thing writ doon by the 'True Knights' what ye call 'Templars'! It were 'schemin'matics' fer convertin' a sea-goin' vessel to a space-goin' craft like this'n we be aboard noo, Missy Veronica, mum. Ain't I speakin' a-right, Cap'n, sir?" growled old 'Pew'.

"Aye, 'tis true enough, 'Pew'. The major portion o' his treasure trove old Flint took with him and his crew to the stars. It be out here somewheres and I aim to get it too! 'Davros Sr' hinted to em more than once that he had an ancient star vidchart showin' the location o' the treasure. Anything that precious to the old geezer he would have entrusted to his offspring. However, seems the lad ain't greedy fer gold and such material loot. Nae! He seeks power! So be it! He kin ha'e his 'power' and be damned to the fool! I seek material wealth, not power, laddies and lassies. Flint's rich haul will make us all richer than 'Croteus' or whatever that Greek feller's name was in mythology who had all the gold!

"I say- 'Zandar Zan', me lad?" said Khan and the comm relay kid brightened up immediately. Khan did not often seek his advice.

"Aye, sire?" he replied quickly.

"Kin we launch a 'cloaked' probe? I means, kin we send out a probe and be sartain sure that those four 'Earthers' out there won't detect it?" asked the Commander and 'ZZ' nodded eagerly.

"Piece o' pie, sire." answered the lad.

"Cake, Stupid. Piece of cake, not pie." corrected a bored 'time lady'.

"Then do so at once, laddie. I want to keep tabs on those three gentlemen and that fool girl with 'em. However, should they enter the 'hidden city' below ground, recall the probe at once. 'Davros's 'booby traps' should make short work o' the idiots. Got all that, sonny?" asked Khan and the lad nodded and launched a 'cloaked' probe which immediately began broadcasting audio/ video from the surface. Then it followed the quartet into the cavern. Soon they ehard the wheezings of 'Professor George Edward Challenger' who could have stood to lose quite a few kilograms.

"Oh, I say! Can't we rest a bit, Miss Johnston? I feel quite fatigued." said the perspiring scientist.

"I ain't surprised. Luggin' around all o' that blubber, man. OK. Five minute break. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em, gents. I wish that 'Whitey' hadn't o' chewed up that vidmap that 'Savvy' (She referred to the Vulcan Subaltern who was 'Admiral Spock's' niece) drew up when she was here with the Boss, man. That 'city's sure to be 'booby-trapped', guys." said Ace Johnston.

"I presume that those 'booby traps' are none of your doing and that 'Blonde Bomber' girl, Miss Johnston?" inquired Dr John H Watson, MD who was bathing Challenger's forehead with water from his flask.

"Watson! Go easy on the water. This is a 'Dalek' city below us and those creatures have no need of the 'river of life', but we do, old tot. However, it does seem to be getting quite warm. Like Afghanistan, eh, Watson?" chuckled Holmes.

"Nope. Neither one o' us kin take credit fer these boom booms waiting downstairs, man. OK. Break's over. Let's motor." replied Ace.

"Why did we not think to bring a 'motorcar' along with us, Holmes or at least a horse or two?" complained 'Fatso'.

"Quiet. I hear water running. Just ahead so we can refill our flasks, boyos. Hark! There's the 'city', man! OK. Let me scout ahead first. You guys wait here and fill our flasks. Here's mine, Sher. No explorin' either. I ain't got no time to go lookin' fer ya if ya gets lost, man. I'll be back in an hour. Brrr! Gettin' chilly. Heat up some rocks fer us. Here's my 'laser sword hilt'. Don't lose it. I'll be as quick as I can, guys." said Ace.

"Take my 'stasis' rifle, my dear." suggested Dr Watson.

"No thankee, Doc. I prefer a real rifle myself." she replied, digging a 'plasma' rifle out of her backpack and assembling it in seconds- despite being in almost pitch black darkness. Then she was gone.

"Looks like they are gonna explore the 'Dalek' city, Cap'n." said 'Pew'.

"Aye. OK, son. Recall yer probe. Take us behind that mountain when the probe gets back here, 'Krong'. I don't fancy havin' that old fat slob accidentally bumping into my 'Botany Bay 2' when he comes outta that cavern." ordered Khan.

"Probe's back aboard, sire." reported 'Zandar Zan' a few minutes later.

"No needs to strap yerselves in fer this short hop, friends." said 'Krong', lifting off smoothly and then almost immediately settling back down a few hundred metres away on the opposite side of the mountain.

"Now what?" demanded 'Lady Veronica'.

"Now- we wait, kiddies. We wait quietly. No noise. None at all." whispered Khan, his baleful eyes sweeping his bridge crew, causing the younger ones to quake in their deck boots. When Ashka Khan gave an order, it had better be carried out- or else!

"Yes, sir. I will take care of that problem at once, sir. Yes, sir. No, sir. I do not know what could have happened either, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, sir. Good day, sir." said a frazzled newly promoted Captain Roanna Laren into her vidphone. She sighed and hung up.

"Where could this fool kid have gone? 'General T'Gazzan' sounded really pissed, man. All she had to do was take her 'Gratitude' a few 'lightys' (light years) from 'Vic' to 'Minerva' to deliver the mail. She couldn't possibly have gotten lost. I set those co-ordinates myself, man. Well, I have to report this to Phillips. (Regina Phillips was now a Major and Ro's immediate superior) Nah. I forgot that she went on that away mission with Molly this morning.

"Oh no! That means that I have to tell 'Alley Cat'! She scares me, man. Everyone else around here would just yell their heads off at me, but 'she' will just remain calm and quiet and give me that look which says it's all my fault. OK, in a way, I guess that's true 'cause Gina said that Ace wasn't ready to solo yet and I had to open my big yap and assure everyone that Ace could handle a simple 'milk run' delivery of the mail! Time to beard the lioness in her den." mused Ro. Then she picked up her garrison cap, settled it atop her 'Titian' red curls, repaired her face, straightened her tie and got up from her desk.

"Do come in, my child. The portals are not latched." called the voice of Allison Poe-Prydonia drom her office. That girl, correction, lady, always gave Ro the willies. Sure, almost everyone here used 'mind speak', but Ro would never get used to this 'time lady's uncanny control of her own 'mind speak' abilities.

"Sit down, dearie and never mind the salute. Yes, I did not think that Miss Johnston was quite ready to handle a vessel on her own just yet either. Oh, it is not your fault, Captain Laren. Still and all, 'General T'Gazzan' had no call to berate you over the coals for this minor faux pas. Oh dear! I am doing it again, am I not? I do apologize. Oh, Thelma? Please- oh my! I forgot that Miss Williamson went along with Mrs Eastwood-Kelly on her fact-finding mission. Would you mind 'repping up' our cocoa and biscuits today? Thank you so much, dearie." said Allie who was always apologizing when she should have been sore.

"So, uh, ya already know that 'Minerva' ain't gotten their mail from home ('Shimougou' and 'Kagura' and 'Victorine') yet, mum? Sugar in yer cocoa, mum? (Allie nodded and held up her forefinger) Here we are, mum, I mean, Allie. Uh, I'm a bit worried about Ace- I mean, Ensign Johnston and-" said a nervous Ro.

"She and her three 'stowaways' are just fine. Although- they are on 'Workoh'. Uh, do you know anything about this remote world, dear?" asked 'Madame President'. Ro's face turned pale and her tummy started doing flip flops.

"Unfortunately, I do, Allie. That's where the ancient 'Dalek' underground city was discovered by 'Captain Saavik' by accident some time ago. It is also the Supreme Marshall's home world. When 'Savvy' and the 'Boss' were there recently, they found three prototype 'Dalek' 'Mark 5 traveling machines' and a good number of 'Gundammite' 'mobile suits' as well. We surmise that 'Workoh' and not 'Skaled' was the first 'Dalek' home world. The city that they found almost confirms this fact, Allie.

"You said 'her three stowaways'?" pressed Ro and Allie counted off on her gloved fingertips.

"Mr Holmes, Dr Watson and that nice archaeologist gentleman friend of theirs, a 'Professor George Edward Challenger', my dear child. More cocoa, please? Thank you, dearie." replied Allie.

"I might have known! That pest! Someone must have told him about that city and he'd be just itchin' to explore it. Allie, can you recall them and the 'Gratitude'? The sooner, the better! Damnation! You can't. Too far outta range. Allie, that city is bound to be 'booby-trapped'! Unfortunately, the notes and vidmap that 'Savvy' made were chewed up by 'Whitey' so there's no way that Ace could have 'em with her. (The small white doggie darted under his mistress's desk and whimpered) Mum? You have got to let me take a 'space runner' and go after them before it is too bloody late!" shouted Ro Laren.

"Agreed. Choose a suitable crew and if anyone gives you any problems, just show them this." replied Allie, tapping out a few keystrokes on Ro's PDO unit and sliding it across her desk to the redhead. "This authorizes you to act as my agent in this matter. Tell your crew only what you deem to be absolutely necessary, Roanna. Is that clearly understood, my child?" added the 'time lady' and Ro nodded.

It was embarrassing to Ro to be called 'my child' by a girl who looked several years younger than herself, but was in fact, more than an 'Earther' century in age. "Remember to make sure that a 'cloaking' device is installed in whatever 'runner' you choose to utilize, my dear. Best of luck and thank you for the cocoa and biscuits. Good day." said Allie. Ro scooped up her PDO gadget, saluted and left the room.

Ro chose the 'Wind Sprinter' 'space runner' vessel because she knew that Kome (Sawaguchi) had already installed a 'cloaker' aboard it the last time that she'd signed it out for a personal mission. She had soon collected a skeleton crew and had given orders to prep the ship for immediate flight. Ro's crew was a pilot (herself), a co-pilot/exec (Kome), two gunners (Todd Stiles and Buzz Murdoch. They of course brought their 'space modified' Corvette car), a comm relay officer (Xylo Phone), four fighters (InuYasha, Kouga, Vegeta and Goku) under the command of a security chief (Bulma Brief, Vegeta's wife) and a 'navvy' (Oranemia 'Nami' Richards).

There was a little grumbling about having to go to 'Workoh', a mysterious and dangerous world, until they found out that it was a rescue mission and that it was an underground 'Dalek' city that Challenger, Holmes, Watson and Johnston had blundered into. Everyone aboard knew that those cities were always booby-trapped! A 'space runner' needs no engineer, but 'Dynamo' immediately volunteered his services when he heard that Ace Johnston was in trouble. The big guy had a crush on the teenaged firebrand.

"We're ready to go now, Ro. However, we'll have to wait for 'suns set' before we leave. Sorry, but that's the next available 'window', kiddo and it can't be helped. I'm as worried about Acey as you are, Honey. Buzz, Todd? Be sure that our crew members are all aboard right after dinner tonight. We must 'lift off' at 1803, 6:03 PM, exactly. Cap? Our supplies are being loaded now. See ya at dinner. I got more work to do before tonight. Our fuel mixture's not quite rich enough for such a long trip. Well? You two have yer orders. Scoot!" rumbled the huge 'Triceratops' alien dinosaur, chomping down on his stogie.

"Yes, sir! Uh, could ya make sure that Todd's Corvette is loaded aboard carefully, big guy? We just had it repainted." said Buzz and 'Dynamo' nodded and pointed to the portal. "OK. We're going, man. Think we'll need our winter gear, Buzz?" asked Todd.

"That's a big 10-4, good buddies. It's winter on 'Workoh'. Oh and don't forget your 'Mithril' snuggies in case we run into any 'unfriendly types', me boyos." said Ro Laren and off the 'Route 66' duo went to collect her crew. 'Mithril' doubled as 'body armour' and was as sheer as chiffon.

All went well and at precisely 1803 hours, the 'Wind Sprinter' lifted off smoothly and penetrated the 'gravity well' of 'Victorine'. Soon they were cruising through space at a pretty good clip- 30 Warp. Shall we leave them to their week long voyage and instead check in with the four troublemakers who are the reason for this emergency rescue mission?

"Ah! Those hot stones feel great! It's freezing in this cavern, man. The 'city' is just a few hundred metres from here. However, it looks too innocent for me. Every other 'Dalek' city has been 'booby-trapped' up the wazoo. I found some of 'Savvy's notes in my PDO, but no vidmaps. I'm game to explore this dump if we are all in agreement, gentlemen. Yes, put your hand down, prof. I know that you vote aye. Sherlock? (Mr Holmes nodded tersely and began tapping tobacco dottles all over the cavern's floor.) Doc? It's up to you. If you say nae, we are leaving this world and heading for 'Minerva'. Well?" said Ace Johnston when she returned from her 'recon'.

"Oh, hang it all! These opportunities do not present themselves to us every bloomin' day. Why not. Come, Holmes, George- the game is afoot!" replied Dr Watson, using one of Sherlock's own quotes.

"OK. Now listen very carefully. You follow me exactly, guys. You step where I step and nowhere else. You touch nothing unless I say you can. Your very lives may depend upon your following my orders- to the letter. Is that clear?" warned Ace and the trio of elderly Victorian gentlemen hastily promised. "OK. No, don't extinguish those rocks. Leave 'em as a marker- just in case. Pick up your kits and weapons and follow me. Which one o' ya's got my 'laser sword illuminator'?" growled Ace.

"I do. Here it is, my dear lady." replied Sherlock Holmes, handing the small but powerful weapon/tool back to the girl. She thanked him and switched it on to illuminate their way through the dark intricate passageways.

"My feet hurt! I can't keep up with you, Doctor! Aren't we there yet, Miss J? I'm thirsty." complained Challenger.

"Good gravy! You're worse than 'Fflaysie' (Allster), George! Five minutes rest. Don't take this the wrong way, Georgie, but have ya ever thought about joining 'Weight Watchers' or going on the 'NutriSystem' diet, man? All that weight can't be good fer yer health." said Ace.

"Damned straight, baby! Now George, I've warned you about overeating and overexerting yourself. I mean- for a man of your advanced age and-" remonstrated Dr Watson while Mr Holmes guffawed with laughter.

"What d'ya mean by that crack, Johnny? Ye're almost the same age as me, y'know? And what about that paunch that ye're carryin' yerself, sir?" snarled the pleasingly plump professor.

"Well, I never! Holmes! Must you laugh at me as well?" grumbled Watson.

"Too much of Martha's (Mrs Hudson was both landlady to them both and fiancee to Sherlock) good old Scottish cooking, old boy!" chuckled Holmes.

"Hullo! What's this thing, George? Looks like an old crystle stone or somethin'." asked Ace. She was pointing at the opposite wall to where they were all sitting on natural rock outcroppings.

"I say! That appears to be a 'palantir', old girl! Let me just see-" rumbled Challenger.

"Look, but don't touch, George. I don't trust anythin' in this place, man." warned Ace who was filling their flasks with the cold pure clear water bubbling from the underground spring.

Ignoring her warnings, Challenger pressed his hand against the green crystle-like surface of the 'palantir'. Suddenly-

"Who be ye that defiles our imperial city?" roared a voice of thunder which shook the walls. Watson readied his 'stasis' rifle while George had discovered that the surface of the 'crystle' was composed of solid 'adamite' commonly known as diamond!

Ace had a 'Mark XII disruptor blaster' in either fist and she was glancing around warily. Only their tall gaunt companion seemed to understand the voice. He also seemed to remember having heard it before on several occasions many years ago.

"A friend. A friend who seeks enlightenment, old comrade. Doth ye remember me?" Sherlock Holmes spoke in a clear sharp voice.

"The pyramid, Watson! Don't you remember the voice of the 'Guardian Knight'? This is he!" shouted Holmes excitedly.

"Our old friend doth speak the truth as always. Be our pyramid now safe?" roared the voice of the 'Guardian'.

"Perfectly safe, sir. It is in our oldest and most magnificent museum. We wish to explore your imperial city, sir. Will that be permitted?" asked the pipe-smoking private consulting detective.

"Yes! But- only if ye pass the three tests my ancestours have left behind for protection." roared the voice.

"Just hold up a bit, sir. 'Your' imperial city? Then this city was not built by Lord Davros and his 'Daleks', sir?" asked Watson, always the practical member of their small group.

"Yes! This is 'Our' imperial city! We built it. We protect it. These 'Daleks' and this 'Lord Davros' once inhabited our city. He then used it as a model for more underground cities which he built for his infernal machine creatures! but- it is OURS!" he roared and the ceiling began to crack while huge fissures appeared in the rock walls and the cavern's floor.

"O great and noble knight! Canst thou not assist us to pass these 'tests', sir?" rumbled Professor Challenger.

"Remember our knightly teachings inside of our temples and use thy own minds. Otherwise thou wilt never leave our imperial city, that is, if thou canst ever enter it. Farewell, friends." The voice ended on an ominous note of warning. Sherlock was thoughtful. John was worried. George was tapping his PDO unit's keys furiously and Ace Johnston was just plain scared!

"What have ya got to tell me, 'Intrepid'?" asked Ashka Khan that same evening. Since the 'detectives quad' had bedded down for the night and were definitely going to explore the strange subterranean city beneath 'Workoh', Khan had recalled his probe and his crew had settled down for the night. Khan trusted nobody when it came to finding treasure. For that reason, only he knew the true identity of 'Intrepid', his spy who had infiltrated the 3WA on 'Victorine'.

(AN: This 'Intrepid' agent of Khan's is NOT the same 'agent' of 'Caracticus Potts' who introduced this chapter).

"Much. A rescue party is headed your way to retrieve some errant 'Victorian' gentlemen and to find out why the 'Gratitude' 'space runner' has not delivered the mail to 'Minerva'. The rescue 'space runner' is 'Wind Sprinter' under the command of Captain Roanna Laren, formerly 'Starfleet' and now 3WA. Relax. She's only got a skeleton crew aboard. Nobody has the slightest idea that you and the 'Bay' are on 'Workoh'. Another 3WA officer, Molly Eastwood-Kelly, has been sent out on a 'fact finding' mission. All I can tell you about that is that she's not heading for the 'Omega Quadrant' and she is using the 'Starfleet' starship 'Coriander' under the command of Colonel Kiva Nerese. The latter's in charge of the ship, but Subaltern E-K's the mission commander. Damn! Someone's coming, sire. I'll have to get back to you later. 'Intrepid' out."

Khan fumed, but he hd no choice save to end the transmission before the signal could be traced back to him. There was a tap on his portal. "Yes?" he called. "Sorry to disturb you, sire. It's me, 'Zandar Zan'. May I enter, sire?" called a voice from the hallway. "Yes. Enter, 'Zandar'." sighed Khan and the bright young master thief/comm relay officer entered the Commander's sitting room.

"Take a seat and try some of this 'Navtrakian Cointreau'. It's not too bad. Now, what can I do for you, son?" asked Khan whom 'ZZ' had always thought of as his mentor and father figure. Likewise, Khan was grooming 'Zandar' to be his 'son' and heir. The lad fidgeted this way and that before he finally blurted out the reason for his visit.

"Sire, I have not been fully truthful with you. The other day when our mutual friend left us on 'Neptune' aboard the 'Kaloran Star', I overheard your instructions to him. Sire, I know that 'Intrepid' is your eyes and ears on 'Victorine' and inside of the 3WA. There! I've said it and I am ready to accept my punishment, Commander Khan, sir." said 'Zandar Zan'. The unlit cheroot dropped out of Khan's mouth and rolled across the carpet. The other picked it up and handed it to Khan. Then he ignited it for his superior.

"Who else knows of these facts, boyo?" demanded Ashka Khan, worriedly.

"Nobody, sire. I am not a tattle tale, sir. I wasn't really eavesdropping on you and-" replied the young brigand.

"O' course ya weren't, laddie. 'Zanny'? This must go no further. Confide in nobody else aboard this vessel. I mean it, son. Should 'Intrepid's true identity become known, all of us would be in the soup. You, uh, know our friend's ranking within the 3WA as well, I suppose? (The boy nodded) Then you know the reasons for all of this secrecy. Should it ever become known to this crew that I entrusted an 'Earther' with such a delicate mission-" explained Khan.

"All Hades would break loose. I quite understand, sire. It shall go no further. My 'Thieves' Guild' word of honour, sire." replied 'Zandar Zan'. "I know it won't, laddie. Thank you for telling me this. Getting late. You had best return to your comm relay station. It wouldn't do to raise any suspicions and that is exactly what will happen if you aren't at your post when your relief shows up at midnight. Who spells you, by the by?" asked Khan.

"It's 'Lady Veronica', sire. She volunteered for the 'graveyard shift', sire." replied 'Zanny'.

"She did, eh? I wonder why?" mused Khan aloud.

"She said that she was having trouble sleeping, sire. And nobody else likes the night shift and-" said the lad.

"Yes, yes. No doubt. However, before you go off duty, be sure and lock down the transmitters and be sure that the 'jamming towers' are activated. (The lad looked at Khan dubiously) Well, she is a 'rogue' time lady, isn't she, son? Never mind. Just follow my orders and when your relief arrives, have a good rest. G'Night." replied Khan and the young burglar left.

Galatea climbed out of her 'Doric Column' TARDIS back on 'Victorine' and walked into Allison's office. Her pair of 'stowaways' she had left aboard her TARDIS with orders not to leave the vessel- or else.

"Welcome back, Lady Galatea. Have a pleasant voyage, mum?" asked Mugen, the self-taught Samurai warrior who was seated behind Allie's desk and smoking a cheroot. A bottle of saki and a half-filled glass were in front of him.

"Where the Hell is everybody, milord?" she asked, dropping into an armchair beside the desk.

"Dunno, lady. Wanna drink, man? Allie went somewheres and asked me and Jin and Fuu to keep an eye on the place. Jin and Fuu went rock climbing with the doggie (Mr Peabody) this morning. The truckers are all over at the new city. The 'stalag' gang went somewhere offworld too. Ro went to rescue Acey and the detectives and- Oh Hell, just read the notes Allie left on that gadget over there beside ya. Guess you're ranking officer now so I'm gonna get some shuteye. You're in charge, Honey." yawned Mugen and he picked up his bottle and left the astonished time lady to her own devices.

Gally sighed and began to read Allie's vidlogs.

END of Chapter 4. Chapter 5 'Who is 'Intrepid'? or 'George Finds A Clew' coming soon. R/R/S away and don't miss the Ryder Cup matches at the end of the month. As always, thanks for your loyal support. Have a great day.- Story Teller Guy and Your Friendship Team.


	5. Ch5'WhoIsIntrepid'GeorgeFindsAClew'

Victors of Victorine

Chapter 5 'Who is 'Intrepid'?' or 'George Finds A Clew'

DISCLAIMER: Greetings, friends. I am 'Intrepid' and I have a confession to make. I am a double agent. I work for both Ashka Khan and Caracticus P Davros. On their orders, I have infiltrated both the colonists on Victorine as well as the 3WA where I have swiftly achieved a very high ranking. Neither of my masters know that I am working for both of them.

No, I will not reveal my true identity yet, although I fear that Khan's 'son', 'Zandar Zan', may know my true ID. However, I am almost certain sure that he does not know of my ties to Davros. My orders from both of my masters are to keep them up to date on what's going on in the 3WA and on this strange new world. Enough of that drivel already.

I must do a favour for your chief narrators, Boss Man KZ and Story Teller Guy so here goes. We want to thank all of the creators whose creations we are using, have used or may use in the future, especially Mr Takachiho whose creations are your chief narrators' major characters and without whose kind permission, they could not share these adventures with you via their vidlogs and vidfiles.

Of course, anyone may use your chief narrators' creations so long as you give them the credit they are due. Now- to work.

We left you up in the air at the end of Chapter 4 with several 'cliffhangers'. Lady Galatea (Prydonia?) had just arrived on 'Vic' with her TARDIS now disguised as a 'Doric' column. Aboard her vessel, she left the two truant 'Missys', 'Silathia Preklang' and 'Gwendolyn Dalrymple' until she could figure out what to do with the girls.

Returning them to 'Mistress Sylvia's Academy for Young Ladies' on Western Mars was uppermost in her mind, so I'll turn the narrating reins over to 'Gally' for a bit.

I sighed and then I picked up the vidphone on Allison's desk and punched in the codes for my niece's school on Mars.

"Good evening. Academy here. 'Mistress Muriel' is speaking. May I assist you?" said the school's proctor or vice headmistress and I swallowed hard before replying.

"Hullo there, Mure. It's Gally. I'm afraid that I have some bad news for you. No, nothing like that, Hon. I, uh, seem to have acquired a couple of stowaways on my TARDIS. They apparently boarded in error. They thought that my ship was the 'Roadrunner Coyote' supply ship from 'Shim'.

"Let me ask you this, dear. Have you made tonight's bed check yet? No? Then may I suggest that you do so now? Yes, I'll hold. (A few minutes passed and then-) What? All present and accounted for? That's friggin' impossible, man! Why? Because right now I have 'Lathey Preklang' and 'Gwen Dalrymple' locked in a bedroom on my TARDIS, that's why.

"Huh? They used dummies and some artistic 'Missy' created a couple of life-like masks for 'em to use. Check again and trill me back. Yeah, I mean it. Huh? You sound like that old fool 'Klink', the Kommandant of 'Stalag 13'. He too was under the false impression that he had never had a successful escape. Ring me back. Bye." I said and hung up.

I sat there and then I pressed the buzzer for the 'OD'. There was a pull at the klaxon and the portals swished aside. A knockout blonde in fatigues walked in, snapped to attention, clicked her boot heels and saluted. "Major Athna, 'OD' reporting as ordered, mum." she barked out like a Terran US Marine Corps drill sergeant.

"At ease, Athna. Have a seat. Gad! You guys take military protocol seriously, don't ya?" I chortled. The girl sat down and removed her saucer cap. She accepted a mug o' java and I got down to brass tacks. I tossed her my TARDIS vidcode key.

"Out in the compound you'll find a 'Greek Doric' column, like a white pillar. Shove this key into the small blemish on it and walk right through it-" I began.

"Your TARDIS, mum? I've seen 'em look like all sorts o' junk, mum. What's the mission?" asked Cagalli Yula Athna. I learned later that she was one of a trio of 'Earth One' officers from the 21st Century who had 'come through' several years back via the infamous 'rift' in the space/time 'Continuum' and had elected to stay.

"In the bedroom in back of the control room- it has a green baize portal- you will find two schoolgirls. Use this keycode (I tossed her another key) and bring the two truants back here. Thanks and forget the damned saluting already. Hurry up." I said and she jogged out, yanking on her cap. She was back in jig time.

Just as Caggie shoved Gwen and Lathey inside the office, the vidphone trilled and I answered it.

"This is 'Vic' HQ. Gally here. Oh hi, Sylvie. Relax. They're both here with me. However, I have no way to get them back to Mars anytime soon. Yeah, ya'd better call 'Senator Dalrymple' and 'Lord Preklang' before they call out the 'ISSP' and create an international mess. Yeah, as soon as someone gets back here, I'll send the kiddies back home to ya. Nah, I don't think that I hafta lock 'em up in the brig, Syl.

"Eh? Nope. Can't do it, Syl. I'm ranking 3WA officer here until one of the 'flags' gets back here. Hold on. (I covered the mouthpiece and asked Caggie when the next someone was due back). Sorry, but the best we can do is send 'em to ya with one o' the space riggers tomorrow afternoon. Yeah, but 'Mac' and 'Eric' ain't due back from the new city until 1500, uh, 3 in the afternoon, Syl. Unless you wanna send somebody for 'em? I know that you nor Mure can pilot. Ain't that 'Space Fox' kid still there? Then comm relay 'Io' and ask for 'Gazelle'. He's 'Dietrich von Rommel's adopted Dad. Ask him to send the kid back on a 'space runner'. Well, make up yer damned mind then. Do I send 'em with 'Mac' tomorrow afternoon or not? OK. Call me as soon as ya know fer sure. Bye." I said and slammed down the vidphone. I glowered at the kids who looked like they were about to soil their lingerie.

"You two pests are more trouble than ye're worth. Caggie? They're both under house arrest. Put 'em in one o' the rooms in this hut and erect a Level Four energy barrier across the portal. Oh and get 'em somethin' to wear. You two will remain in your suite. Touch the portal and you'll scorch your hands." I explained to them.

"And the charge will knock ya fer a loop too, ladies." added Caggie Athna. This time, at least one of 'em did have an accident and would need a change o' drawers! The smell of excrement was pungent. I'd be willin' to bet that it was Gwenny. Her Ladyship would never be that nervous- or would she?

"You have yer orders, Athna. Dismissed." I snarled, igniting a cheroot. Helluva way to run a world! Leavin' that idiot Samurai wanna-be in charge was just plain stupid, man. I used my comm badge to tell Caggie to make sure that our new guests made use of the facilities, especially 'Missy Gwendolyn'. About ten minutes later, Caggie tossed my two 'keys' on my desk, saluted and returned to her 'OD' duties. What exactly does an 'Office of the Day' (Night?) do anyway?

"Up and at 'em, boyos! It's 0600 (6 AM) and high time that we checked out this damned city, man." I barked out.

"Without breakfast, my dear child?" rumbled Professor Challenger who looked like he had eaten half of the planet already.

I tossed them each a 'Kandee Barr'. Like the Saiyaans' 'Sensu Beans', a 'KB' had enough nutrients in it to sustain a person or alien creature for at least six hours. OK, a 'Sensu Bean' would last an average Saiyaan a good three days like that 'Yashiryobi' guy found out the hard way when he ate a whole bag in one sitting! He had a tummy ache for three months!

"Eat 'em along the way. I made the java. Here. Let's motor, gents." I ordered. Well, I am the ranking 3WA officer even if I am only 19 years old! The Boss had made major when she was 18 for cat's sake.

It had taken me an hour to reach the gates of the city yesterday evening. However, with 'Fatso' stopping to rest every five minutes, it took us thrice that today to get there. He shoulda been drinkin' 'MetreKal' instead o' java, man!

Three massive shimmering 'gates' were facing us. There was some kinda foreign words written above the trio o' portals, but it was all Greek to me, man! Challenger announced it to be ancient 'Chaldean' while Sherlock deduced it to be 'Coptic hyroglyphics'. However, both were at a loss to translate it into anything but gibberish. The good doctor thought that it was Latin.

"Makes no bloody sense. 'Speak friend and enter. Choose wisely.' It's, um. Latin- yet, hang it all, it isn't!" said Dr Watson. Then I remembered something that I had heard when we had been on our 'treasure hunt' for that pyramid back in '55.

"The first part is simple when you realize that the language is 'High Elfin', not 'Terran Latin', gentlemen. In the 'Elfin' language, the word for friend is 'Mithril'. That's what they called 'Gandalf the Wizard' guy. 'Choose wisely' must refer to choosing one of them three gates. Anyone?" I said and Sherlock chuckled.

"Look. Each gate is made of a different material. One is gold, one is 'adamite' or diamond and the third is wood." he said.

"Then if we want gold, we choose the left door and if we want diamonds, we choose the right hand door. The wooden door is worthless. Which will it be, guys? Gold or 'Ice'?" chortled Fatso.

"Neither. Think, my friends. Who created those gates? The Templars. Were they known for anything but humbleness and piety? The wise choice is the plain wooden gate in the centre. Remember what happened in that old vidfilm we saw about the 'Holy Grail', Watson? Remember which grail was the true one, old boy? The plain one made of wood. I deduce that plain wood is the correct choice." explained Holmes. I was sure that his was the correct answer so I stepped forward to the wooden gate.

Placing my hand upon the door, I spoke loudly. "Accept us, 'Mithril'." I shouted and a wondrous thing happened.

"Ye hath chosen wisely and ye hath passed our first test. Pass, friends." roared out that same voice we had heard yesterday. The gold and diamond gates 'dematerialized' leaving only the wooden gate which sprang open when I touched it.

"Lead the way, milady. My greed almost cost us our very lives. For this, I apologize." said George in a humble voice.

"Follow the green brick road eh?" chuckled John. I looked down and, sure enough, the cobbles were a deep rich emerald green. "Off to see the wizard maybe?" I chortled and off we went. They kept in my footsteps and they touched nothing. Four hours later, my tummy was grumbling and I called a halt for a snack- 'Elfin Lembas'- a delicious wafer that the 'Elf Hunters' had supplied for us many years ago. The stuff never spoils! I shared my goodies with my companions and then we each had a drink from the stream beside the road which tasted like cherry cola.

Another two hours and we stopped for a 'KB' lunch. Another hour and we had reached the edge of a deep deep ravine. There was no bridge nor was there a 'hidden in the aether path' like Indy had used in that vidfilm that Sherlock and John had seen.

"This be thy second test, friends. Trust in Providence and the aether will be thy ground. Farewell." roared the voice. I sighed and began unpacking rope from my kit. "I don't think that will help us, child." said Sherlock. "I believe the answer is quite simple. Watson, find a small piece of rock for me." he said.

"Like this one, Holmes?" asked John, hefting a green cobblestone which weighed a few kilograms.

"Capital! Toss it over the edge of the cliff. That's right. Toss into the aether." instructed Sherlock.

"My word! An updraft!" shouted Fatso when the stone, instead of falling, began to float!

"The honour is yours, old boy. Just step off the edge- and walk. Oh, very well. I'll go first." said Holmes, a mite testily.

Suiting his actions to his words, the tall Londoner began to 'walk' across the aether! Fatso followed him and then I followed him. Finally, the good doctor closed his eyes and stepped off the cliff edge and had soon caught up to us. I was certainly glad when I once more felt terra firma under my boots!

When we had all completed the crossing, the voice boomed out again. "Ye hath learned trust. One final test remains to ye before thou canst enter our imperial city. I shall return." roared our guide. The green cobbles continued on this side of the chasm. However, I insisted that we rest a bit while I took stock of our surroundings.

A huge mountain in the distance seemed to block our way. Then John suggested that I check the few notes taken by Savvy that remained on my PDO unit. Luckily, it seemed to be the notes for the final test.

"Well? What does the Vulcan girl say in her notes, child?" demanded Fatso anxiously.

"See for yourself, George. It says that we have to answer a riddle, but the voice told her that each of us will be asked a different riddle and that if one of us answers incorrectly, none of us will be allowed to proceed into the great city. Anyone know any good riddles?" I joked. The three stony faces of my companions told me they did not like riddles.

"OK. Enough resting, guys. I am afraid we're gonna hafta climb that thing to reach the city." I told them. Suddenly, a voice in my mind that I recognized as our guide's spoke to me.

"There are four men in a boat with five cigarettes and no matches. How were they able to smoke? This is your riddle, my dear child. The others are hearing theirs now as well. Yes, ye must cross 'Mt Destiny' to reach the city. Ye will each be asked the answer to thy riddles when thou reacheth the city. If even one of ye answers incorrectly or giveth no answer, none of ye shall be granted permission to enter our imperial city. Look to hear me no more. I can giveth ye no further assistances. Trust in thyself, my child. Farewell."

"Extraordinary! I just heard our guide inside my head! What a simple question!" rumbled Fatso.

"Mine is simple as well. How about you, Holmes?" asked John Watson.

"How absurdly simple! Sorry for stealing your line, Watson." chuckled Sherlock. They all stared at me.

"Ditto. Mine was from an ancient Terran TV series. Don't forget your answers. It'd be a damned shame to tramp all this way only to be sent back home, guys." I replied. "Oh and we gotta climb 'Mt Destiny' too. (I glanced at my wristchromo and frowned). Hmmn. It's almost 1800 hours- 6 PM. May I suggest that we camp here tonight and tackle that mountain tomorrow after we've had a good rest. OK, I have 'KB' bars and 'Lembas' wafers. Some feast, huh?" I said.

"How about some burgers, French fries, shakes and fruit pies instead, my dear girl?" rumbled Fatso, pulling the goodies out of his backpack. Apparently, he'd 'repped up' this meal for us before we had left the 'Gratitude'. I had a new respect for this complaining crybaby.

After dinner, it got downright cold and John offered to gather firewood. Where he was supposed to find any inside of a cave was a mystery to me. So I used my 'laser sword' to heat up some stones that Sherlock and John had gathered for us. Then we all sat down to warm ourselves by our 'stove'.

"Well, I suppose I will begin. My riddle was confusing at first. Then I remembered it from a book of rhymes that my old nanny used to read to me when I was a wee nipper. 'As I went through the garden gap, whom should I meet but Dick Red Cap. A stick in his hand and a stone in his throat. If you can tell me this riddle, I will give you a groat.' That puzzled me-" said Sherlock.

"Simplicity itself, Holmes. The answer is 'fire'. The 'stick' is kindling wood and the 'stone' is to 'bank' the fire so that the flames cannot spread. Mine is a real puzzler because there are two posible answers. 'No doors there are to this stronghold yet thieves break in to steal the gold.' The answer is either 'eggs' or-" replied John Watson.

"No. The answer is 'nectar', of course, old tot. The 'strongold' is the 'pistil' of the flower which has no 'doors' because the 'honeybee' simply 'drinks' up the 'golden liquid', takes it back to the hive and uses it to make beeswax and honey. The other possible answer is 'bear' which breaks into the hive to get at the honeycomb. However, the former answer is the correct one, Doctor. Because all sorts of animals will invade a beehive for honey.

"Mine is probably the oldest and any student of 'Greco-Roman' mythology will get it in a trice. 'It goes in the morning on four legs, in the afternoon on two and in the evening on three.' Better known as the 'Riddle of the Sphinx', when it was answered by 'Oedipus' in the Greek myth, the creature threw itself off its cliff to its death." explained George Challenger.

"Even I know that one, Fat- er, George. The answer is 'man'. As an infant he or she crawls on all fours, as he or she gets older, he or she walks upright on two legs and in the twilight of his or her life, he or she walks with the aid of a staff, cane or stick like George is doing." I said triumphantly.

"And what was your riddle, Commander?" asked George, clearly a little pissed off at my cracks about his weight and his heavy Malacca walking stick. Later I found out that it was really a 'sword stick' weapon.

"Anyone ever watch the old 'Batman' on vidTV? There was a villain he faced named 'The Riddler'. This guy used to leave riddles as clues to his crimes. 'There are four men in a boat with five cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke?' Think about it and remember that 'The Riddler' never asked very difficult riddles. 'Batman's sidekick, 'Robin the Boy Wonder' got this answer right away. Anyone?" I asked with a devilish grin on my face.

"I deduce that they have an extra cigarette unless one of the four chaps was greedy and smoked two so that extra cigarette must be the 'clew'. Let me see-" mused Sherlock while George suggested that one of the lads had a pipe so they put all of the cigarettes in the pipe bowl and took turns smoking it.

"How did they light it, George?" I asked and he thought for a moment or two.

"I have it! They hailed another boat and borrowed some matches! Right?" shouted the professor excitedly. I shook my head.

"Not matches! Cigarette lighter! They tossed one cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter! How clever!" yelled John H Watson, MD and I smiled.

"Correct, Doctor. Now everyone- put your riddles and your answers onto my PDO unit before we forget them." I said. My three companions were not very PDO-savvy and I had to enter Sherlock's for him because he refused point blank to 'use that damned infernal contraption'.

Finally, we laid out our bedrolls, OK, sleeping bags and I gave our 'hot rocks' one last jolt of energy to keep our 'stove' working through the cold frigid night.

"Heigh ho! We're back. Where is everyone? Oh hullo there, Gally. So you're holdin' down the fort huh?" said 'Mac' the space rigger pilot. He and 'Eric' the 'Ice Road' trucker had just returned to the main compound for their next load of building supplies.

"Yeah, looks that way, 'Mac'. Hi, 'Eric'. Don't get too comfy. You're makin' a short hop to Mars. And the 'shunnel's on the blink." replied Gally.

"What's the load? More 'terraforming' explosives?" asked 'Eric', helping himself to a cigarette from Allie's box. Gally snapped her fingers. A flame appeared and she lit his cigarette.

"Thanks. You have got to teach me that trick, mon ami." chuckled 'Eric'. The 'Ice Roaders' and the space riggers had been around these 'Gallifreyans' and other aliens for so long that nothing surprised them anymore.

"No real 'cargo', boyos. A couple o' passengers. Two truant schoolgirls. You're ferrying them back to their school. 'Mistress Sylvia's Academy for Young Ladies' is in a remote corner of Western Mars. Fflaysie! Get in here. Here's your flight clearance vidfiles. Make sure that ya got yer 'Offworld' vidpasses with ya. Ya may be challenged although I doubt if anyone really pays any attention to the dark side o' Mars. Fflaysie! Now, girl!" explained Gally and a short teenager with a wildly coloured 'punk' hairdo sauntered through the open portalway.

Warrant Three Fflay Allster had been Major Cagalli Yula Athna's partner when the two teens had come through the 'rift' at the same time, closely followed by now Brigadier Naturle 'Lt Nat' Badgiruel when they had stepped from their bath room on 'Earth Two' onto the Boss's flagship several years ago. They had all elected to remain in the 23rd Century and had joined the 3WA together.

Milady Allster was dressed in a torn tank top shirt, jeans with holes at the knees, scuffed sandals and an NFL SuperBowl 237 cap. She was carrying a 'Raiders' warm-up jacket slung across her shoulder. Strapped to her right thigh was a holstered Mark XII disruptor blaster. Ever since 'Shadow Master' had arrived with his announcement of impending invasions, security had been stepped up dramatically and now everyone on 'Vic' was required to be armed at all times.

"You rang, time girl? Is this gonna take long, man? ' 's got a big sale on and-" complained the teenager.

"Sorry if your duties are getting in the way o' yer shoppin' today, Fflaysie, but you are my 'gofer' gal, y'now? Here's the vidkey and code for Suite 122-A. Bring our two errant wayward kiddies in here. Hurry up because 'Mac's got a 'window' to catch. Scoot!" snapped Gally and the girl took to her heels, her wooden sandals clip-clopping down the hallway like a steed beast's hoofbeats.

"Can't get good help no more, man. Siddown. Have some java. And- what's the latest from 'Victoria City', guys?" asked Gally.

They were all chatting away merrily when Fflay ushered in the two schoolgirl 'Missys'. Lathey was defiant while Gwenny was looking for someplace to hide. Gally was just hanging up her vidphone. She had just comm relayed 'Chief Gazelle' on Jupiter and told him that she had no need of Dietrich von Rommel after all.

"Pack up your kits and get right back here. Fflay, stay with 'em. Five minutes, 'Missys'." called Gally after they had left with the 'punk rocker'. They were both back in record time and wearing flightsuits and deck boots over their 'Missy' uniforms. Fflay was dismissed and went back to her online shopping. At least it kept the girl outta trouble.

"OK. Go with these gentlemen. He's 'Mac' and he's 'Eric'. They'll be giving you a ride back to school. Oh- and both of your parents have been told about your little adventure so I wouldn't plan on keeping those vidwallet accounts for much longer. And the next time that you two 'yay-hoos' pull a stunt like this, I will tell 'Auntie Kerry' and you know what that will mean, don't ya? Dismissed. They're all yours, guys. And thanks a lot. Have a pleasant voyage." said Gally. 'Mac' and 'Eric' waved bye bye to her and each took an arm of either student and marched them out to their waiting space rig.

Gally picked up her vidphone and asked for the Academy on Mars. "Mission accomplished. They're on their way home, Mure. Huh? A couple o' space riggers owed me a favour- a big one. Oh, they can't use the 'shunnel' so ya won't be seein' yer two 'Missy's shining faces for about a week. Say hi to 'Tansey' for me. Bye." Gally hung up. 'Missy Tansey' O'Konnell was Gally's niece and a star pupil at Syl's academy. Gally sighed and put her feet up on Allie's desk.

"Sire? I have been unable to detect the 3WA group who went inside the cavern." said 'Black Widow' from her post at the scanners.

"Aye Cap'n, wouldn't do to 'rematerialize' for a lift off and be observed by those fools. Cap'n, methinks a second probe launch be in order, sir." suggested 'Pew' and Ashka Khan mused over that possibility.

"Well? Make a decision already, Ashy. We can't just sit here and twiddle our thumbs, can we? Both of my hearts have been hammerin' like triphammers since those idiots showed up. Orders, mein Kapitaine?" snarled 'Lady Veronica', causing Khan to cast baleful eyes on this 'Gallifreyan' pest.

"Very well. Launch a 'cloaked' probe, 'Zandar Zan'. If they have entered the city, we will waste no more time and lift off for 'Vic' immediately. Energize, laddie." ordered the Commander.

"Aye, sire. Probe away." replied 'Zandar Zan'. Now all they could do was wait.

"Huh? What was that sound?" asked George Edward Challenger. A 'bumblebee' had just buzzed past the professor, but he had seen nothing.

"Probably your heart, Tubby. This has been a tough climb, Gramps. And with your weight and age-" I chortled

"No. I heard something as well, child. Watson?" said Sherlock. John agreed that he'd heard 'something like a wasp', but he too had seen nothing at all.

"Well, at any rate, it can't be a probe unless it's invisible." I laughed.

"Or 'cloaked'. Well, we are almost at the summit and- by Jove!- there's a small cottage up there. At least we won't be camping outside this night. Watson, please give George a hand with these last few hundred metres." said Sherlock.

"Good Lord! It looks like that witch's house in 'Hansel & Gretel', Holmes!" shouted John Watson.

"Yummy! Tastes like that gingerbread house in 'Grimm's as well. Have a hunk, Acey. Plenty for all." rumbled George.

"Let us see what 'Brunhilda' has in way of real victuals and beverages inside, my friends. Capital! A stocked larder and a damned nice wine cellar to boot! What a treasure trove." shouted the tall detective, shrugging off both 'Inverness' cape and greatcoat and tossing his 'Deerstalker' hat onto a handy hatrack.

"Just make yerselves to home, why don't ya, dammit! Don't ya ever knock, man? I mean, afore ya come bargin' aboard somebody's TARDIS?" snapped a tall willowy blonde wearing green body armour over a blue jumpsuit and a voluminous grey cloak. They all stared at her open-mouthed and my eyes popped. Could it be?

"Huh? 'Patience'? 'Patience Dyraklanz'? What the Hell are you doin' here on 'Workoh', man?" I demanded

"What? 'Workoh'? The Boss's home world? So that's where the Hell I am. Uh, kin we trust these three bozos, 'Bomb Girl'?" asked the time lady from 'Gallifrey'.

"I say! Bozos indeed! I am Professor GE Challenger, the greatest scientist in all of Britain! This is Sherlock Holmes, the famous consulting detective without whose help 'Scotland Yard' would be like the 3WA without the Boss Lady! And that is his colleague and biographer, Dr John H Watson, MD of 221-B Baker Street in London, Madam! Bozos? Who is this uncouth person, 'Actalina'?" roared the outraged scientist who had once saved the Terran world from a Martian invasion. With John and Sherlock's aid, of course!

"Sorry. Gentlemen, may I present 'Lady Patience Dyraklanz' of the 'High Council of Gallifrey'." I said, slightly embarrassed. I had no idea that anyone knew that my real moniker was 'Actalina'. How George had figured it out was beyond me. 'Patience' made a low sweeping curtsey to the trio of Londoners.

"Charmed, gentlemen. Goodness! I had no idea that I was in the presence of such Terran nobility. Please- what is mine is also yours, dear friends. I was sent here by 'Acting Lord President Barusa'. My mission is to explore that 'Dalek' city down there in the valley. However, I was given an impossible riddle to answer before I would be admitted! I mean 'Why is a 'raven' like a 'writing desk'?' It's from Reverend Dodgson's (Lewis Carroll) delightful children's book 'Alice in Wonderland', but the 'Mad Hatter' never did give Alice the answer, did he?" replied the time lady petulantly.

"Eh? But the answer is so simple, milady. Both of them have 'bills'. Even Watson would say 'How absurdly simple!' and know the answer to boot, my dear lady." chuckled Sherlock Holmes.

"Well, we all have our riddles and their answers, 'Patty'. Now you have yours as well. May I suggest, gents, that 'Patty' joins our group and enters the city with us? (There was a general agreement after some squabbling and 'Patty' was invited to join them). OK. We'll have some dinner and spend the night here. Tomorrow, we will go down to the city and give our answers and hope for the best. Gentlemen? Sherlock. Wood for the fireplace. John. Water from the well outside. George. Set the table. 'Patty' and me will get dinner started. Is that what they're wearin' this season on 'Galli', man? Cute. Me? I'm a first looey now and I'm in command of these guys. Are those parsnips? I love 'em, man. Better boil some water, dear. Those three are tea freaks and it's well past four." I chortled while me and 'Patty' cooked and baked away.

"I've brought in the water, my dear. Four buckets enough, d'ya think?" asked John.

"Loaded up the wood box, milady. Got a good fire going as well." said Sherlock cheerily.

"Where's the confounded silverware and cutlery, Madam?" rumbled George Challenger. 'Patty' helped him to finish the table while I started carrying in the food. Sherlock managed to find a 'Beaudolais 2240' bottle of ancient wine in the cellar and insisted on 'decanting' it for a half hour after uncorking the bottle. I'm an idiot so I asked him why.

John, Sherlock and George stared at me like I had lobsters crawlin' outta my ears and even 'Patience' had a shocked expression on her pretty face. She looked to be in her late 20's, but I knew that she was almost 400 years old!

"My dear young lady! One must allow the wine to 'breathe' and to allow the 'cyanide' which has formed during the fermentation processes to dissipate before it is poured out and enjoyed." explained John as gently as he could. However, my face was still quite red and 'Patty' tried to stifle a giggle or two.

By mutual consent, we all bedded down early. Sherlock took the first watch followed by me. Then I was spelled by 'Patty' who was replaced by George and this time, John had the 'graveyard shift'. All went smoothly and, after a hasty breakfast, we all began the descent to the 'imperial city'. George insisted on setting 'Patience' straight that the city was a 'Templar' settlement and not a 'Dalek' city.

Five gloomy gates awaited us when we reached the foot of 'Mt Destiny' and- wonder of wonders- each gate had a name written on it in shining illumined letters. From left to right, they read:

JOHN WATSON; SHERLOCK HOLMES; PATIENCE DYRAKLANZ; GEORGE CHALLENGER and ACTALINA JOHNSTON

Below each name was a small keyboard not unlike our PDO unit's vidkeyboards.

"Ye were each given a riddle to solve. Use the keyboards beneath thy names to enter thy answers. All five must tally correctly or none of ye may pass these portals. This be thy final test. Farewell and Goodbye." roared a voice from above, but not our familiar guide's voice this time.

I won't bore ya with our riddles and answers again, but George was so nervous that he kept making mistakes. 'Damned things are too small for my fat fingers!' he grumbled. However, at long last, the five doors shimmered and then vanished! We were looking on the most beautiful city I had ever seen! No matter how much I craned back my neck, I still could not espy the tops of any of the high structures surrounding us!

"They have entered the city, sire. Shall I recall the probe?" asked 'Zandar Zan' and Khan nodded tersely.

"Krong, drop our 'cloak' and lift off for 'Victorine' at once. As soon as we have cleared 'Workoh's 'gravity well', 'cloak' us again." ordered their Commander and the 'Botany Bay II' was soon tearing across the heavens enroute to its rendezvous with 'Davros', the 'Gundammites', the 'Daleks' and the 'Cybremen'.

"Aye, sire. Which part of 'Vic' are we heading for anyway?" replied 'Krong', the 'Bay's pilot.

"There is a new river that separates the stalag camp from the main staging area. Put us down on the same side of that river as the stalag. However, do not drop our 'cloak' until I order it. What's our speed?" asked Khan.

"Twenty-five Warp, sire." answered the pilot.

"Take us to thirty-seven and engage the impulse drive. When you sight 'Vic's 'inner markers', kick in the after burners and decrease our speed to ten Warp, 'Krong'. When is 'Vic's next available 'window' through her 'gravity well'?" asked the Commander. 'Ronnie' did some quick calculations and replied.

"At our present speed and with your ordered decrease in speed at her inner markers, we should be able to make 'planetfall' in one solar week. It will be 'dark time' on Thursday at- 2245 hours (10:45 PM). By then, most of the good little colonists will be either in bed or whoopin' it up in one of the taverns. The fools will have minimum guard mounts posted." laughed the time lady.

"You are quite wrong, milady. You forget that the 'traitours' have already warned them of the coming invasion. If you think that the firebrand Hellcat Amazon Supreme Marshall thinks that we are gonna wait three years to attack, think again. Expect at least triple the usual guard mounts and the 'weather shield barriers' will be activated. Incidentally Ashka, how are we gonna get through that barrier?" replied O'Malley. The Gael warrior was always thinking three moves ahead.

"Simplicity itself. It will be turned off for our approach. You have forgotten my agent. 'Intrepid' has instructions to switch off that barrier five solar minutes before each 'window' and then to switch it back on five minutes later. I agree about the guards. In fact, I'd quadruple the guards and so will 'She'. Make as much racket as ya like for this voyage so long as you realize that when the 'outer markers' are spotted, I want absolute silence on this vessel. (He glnced at the wall chromo behind him). Hmmn. Almost 1700 hours (5 PM). The bridge crew will take turns leaving their posts for dinner. No more than two of you at a time and be damned sure that someone's coverin' for ya. 'Widow', keep a sharp lookout for 'patrollers'. Remember that we are not in 'Corrallian' space. 'Krong', go and get some chow. I'll spell ya as pilot." said the Commander.

A grateful pilot smiled his thanks. He had missed both breakfast and lunch today and all he'd had all day had been java and cookies. The alien creature hot-footed it to the dining hall followed by 'Ronnie' whose place was taken by O'Malley as co-pilot. Khan frowned and the Irishman asked him what was troubling his master.

"It's too damned quiet. If 'she' thought that underground city was 'Dalek', why did she send those four nincompoops to explore it? Why just a 'space runner' instead of at least a 'star cruiser', Seamus? According to the girl, she was on a 'mail run' to 'Minerva'. So why did she agree to a side trip to 'Workoh'? Something just does not feel quite right, old friend." explained Khan.

"Perhaps an ambush awaits us, sir?" suggested the bearded fighter.

"Oh, I doubt that very much, son. Consider. 'She's no 'clew' exactly where this invasion will originate on 'Vic'. I did not mention anything about the 'LZ' to either 'Shadow Master' or 'Galliard'. As far as they know, the colonists have three solar years to prepare for us. And, I'd wager that 'she' doesn't know about our 'Cybre' allies. No, 'she'd strengthen her defenses at that new city of theirs and perhaps around the mountain and that stalag camp at its base. Why would we be asinine enough to hit them at their strongest spot- their HQ? No, it's not that, son." replied Khan, chewing on his mustachios.

"Maybe they have new allies coming to their aid, sir?" suggested the Gael.

"Yes, perhaps. 'Zandar'? Find out the locations of the 'Yamato' and the 'Nadesico' if you would, laddie. Oh and any other 3WA vessels within twenty 'parsecs' (A 'parsec' is a quarter of a 'light year'- you do the math.) of 'Vic'. Launch a 'cloaked probe' in front of us at about ten thousand kilometres. Audio and video capabilities. Better safe than sorry, eh Seamus?" chortled Khan.

"By your command, sire. Consider it done. Sire, the 'Nadesico' has just left Mars and is heading this way. The 'Yamato' is enroute to 'Vic' from Neptune. The only other 3WA vessel near them is the 'Marakesh', a small 'patroller' from 'Shimougou'. Probe away, sire." reported the young brigand thief.

"Excellent. Are any of 'em 'cloaked'?" asked his master.

"Negative, sire. None are 'cloaked'." replied the kid.

"Good. When 'Panther Girl' returns, she'll spell you while you grab some grub, boyo and that's an order. You're way too skinny, son." chuckled the Commander. "Anything on the scanners, 'Widow'?" he added and she shook her head.

"So far, so good, Ashka. We've still got a whole week though." said O'Malley, popping open a can of 'Irish Poteen'. He handed another can of the heady brew to his friend and master. "I wonder where 'Her Nibs' is these days?" asked a worried Gael.

"All I know is that 'she' ain't on 'Vic'. Otherwise, 'Intrepid' would have comm relayed me. What the Hell? What's a damned 'battle moon' doin' this close to the 'Neutral Zone' I wonder? 'Panther Girl'? Hail that 'moon' and pretend that we're a 'cloaked' 3WA 'patroller'. Call us the 'Daedalus'. Find out what it's doin' here." snapped the Commander.

"Aye, sir. 'Daedalus' calling unidentified 'battle moon'. What are ya doin' in a restricted zone. Over." she hailed.

"Lost. Tryin' to find 'Argon Three'. Over." replied the 'moon'. 'PG' looked over at her chief.

"Put 'em on vidscreen, Love. One way. We wanna see them but we don't want them to see us. Got it, girl?" growled the exec.

"Aye, sir. On vidscreen two, sir. Hailing line's open." said the nekomata. On the vidcreen appeared a 'Ferengi' in a blue uniform with captain's pips on his epaulettes.

"Subaltern Franklin here. You are several 'parsecs' offcourse for 'Argon Three'. Go to SSE bearing 296.998 and you'll reach your destination in three solar days, Captain. You must quit this area immediately or I will be forced to impound your vessel. I am targeting your weapons systems, sonny. You have five minutes to readjust your nav signals and get outta here before I fire. Consider this a friendly warning. Franklin out." snarled Seamus O'Malley who loved playing the bully. Khan smiled and popped open another brew. 'Krong' and 'Zandar Zan' returned to the bridge and replaced the chief and 'PG'.

Then 'Ronnie' came back and spelled O'Malley as co-pilot. "You have the comm, 'Veronica'. Seamus and I will be in my ready room if you need us. C'mon, Seamus. Dinner smells good tonight. Have two platters sent to the ready room, time woman." said Khan. The chief and his exec left the bridge.

"Might as well get comfy, guys. Not much to see in 3WA territory. Chess, anyone?" chortled the rogue time lady, kicking off her deck boots. 'Krong' sighed and hit 'George'. He pulled up a new vidnovel and began to read. The long boring voyage had begun.

"I already told you, 'Marco'. I am not gonna make you a 'Victorian Ranger'. You are more useful as a firefighter. 'Brent's an A-1 clerk and that's why he's allowed to be a 'Ranger'. Hank, take him back to the fire station, please. Anyone seen Alex?" asked 'Walker'.

"She went to 'Minerva' with 'Yancie Drake' to do some shopping. Roy's wife and your lady ranger went with 'em. Whose turn is it to walk 'Henry'? Gage? Dang it! He's away on a mission with Roy. Kome, please take the dog for a walk. Thanks." said Colonel 'Cap' Stanley.

"OK, sir. But, if he makes another mess, you're gonna clean it up, not me. C'mon, 'Henry'. Time for walkies." said the young Captain. 'Henry' trotted along beside the girl.

Meanwhile, just a few buildings up the boulevard from the fire station, the CourtHouse was jumping.

"OK. So 'Hamilton' has left this part of the trial preps up to you, 'Becky'?" asked 'Perry Mason'. Seated beside him were 'Galliard' and 'Shadow Master'. Seated beside 'Becky' was her friend from the 'Gunsmith Cats', Minnie Mae 'Kitty' Hopkins aka 'Blonde Bomber'. 'Della Street', who had given 'Mae' a crash course in shorthand note-taking while 'Mae' had given her some pointers on using the PDO units, was sitting beside 'Perry'.

"Yes, sir. That's what 'Mr Burger' said and 'Mrs Cahill-Walker' has given us her approval. The prosecution is prepared to make what 'Mr Burger' considers a fair and very generous offer. You getting all this down, 'Mae'? Good. Five years here on 'Vic' as a 'colonist' for 'Mr Shadow' and a year as a 'colonist' for 'Mr Galliard'. Is this agreeable to your clients, 'Mr Mason', sir?" said 'Becky', reading from a prepared vidbrief.

"Sounds fair to me and quite generous. The 'Assistant District Attorney' is not usually this accommodating. I will advise my clients to accept this offer. But, will 'His Honour' the judge ('Q' was the judge for this first trial on 'Vic'.) agree to 'Mr Burger's terms, Miss?" replied the brilliant defense attorney whom 'Hamilton Burger' feared more than any other lawyer he had ever faced.

"Mrs, not Miss, sir. I am now 'Mrs Abraham Wilson'. Abe and I were married last week by 'Reverend Wolfwood'. Yes, I am almost certain that 'Lord Q' will approve. I fear that I must ask for your clients' answer right now, sir." demanded 'Becky'.

"Hell, it's a better deal than I'd hoped for, 'Mason'. We accept. Oh, as 'Galliard's my manservant, I speak for him as well." answered 'Shadow Master'.

"Uh, that is not how it is done in a court of law, 'Bill'. 'Mr Galliard' must agree to this proposal. 'Dave'? How about it?" 'Perry' looked at his other client who nodded.

"I accept, sir, madam. However, my 'Master' is quite correct. He is my agent under 'Galactic Law' because he is my employer- and my friend, sir, madam. Thank you." answered 'David Galliard' quietly.

"Then all that remains is to set the court date. I suggest a monthlet from today, sirs." said 'Becky Wilson'.

"That is quite impossible." said 'Q' from inside of everyone's minds. "Trial will be Monday morning next at 0700 hours, 7 AM. End of discussion." stated the judge.

"Then I will see all of you on Monday- bright and early. I will inform 'Mr Burger' and the 'District Attorney' as well, gentlemen, ladies. We bid you a pleasant good afternoon. Come, 'Mae'." said 'Becky', shaking hands all around. 'Mae' waved goodbye and followed her new mistress back to the 'DA's offices.

"You two are still under 'house arrest' until Monday morning so stay in your suite. 'Ranger Gage' will accompany you back home. They're all yours, 'Frank'. How about a nice long lunch, 'Della'? My treat." chuckled 'Perry' who knew damned well that their food in this new city was all free. 'Della' grinned at him and gathered up the vidpapers, vidbriefs and her 'vidnotes' and shoved them into her briefcase with her PDO unit and vidcellphone.

A short walk up the street brought the duo to the first, and so far, the only restaurant in the new city. 'Della' remembered that, since they were on a world's surface now, she had to watch her diet to avoid putting on the kilograms. In deep space and above a world, it was almost impossible to gain excess weight.

"I sure wish that we had a 'no weight' deal like this back in LA, 'Perry'. Oh, to Hell with the diet today! I'm gonna pig out and I want a hot fudge sundae banana split for dessert too. How about a 'whiskey sour' cocktail for starters, Boss?" she said.

"Order whatever you like, Honey. (Their wedding was set for next monthlet). I see Paul over there. I need to talk to him about the case. Please order me a Porterhouse steak, baked potato, green bean casserole, java and a 'Skotch and soda', straight up- no ice, 'Della'. Thank you. I'll be right back, dearest." replied 'Perry' and he left her ogling the vidmenu which was set into the table. One ordered by simply tapping the vidmenu items that one wanted.

"Paul, have you managed to find whatever they are using in this time era for a 'Hall of Records'?" asked 'Perry'.

"The way I understand it, 'Perry', is that these lil gadgets contain all of the records going back to even before our own 15th Century on Earth. What do you need?" asked 'Paul Drake', fingering his PDO unit.

"See what you can dig up about 'Becky Farrah Wilson' and her new hubby, 'Abraham Wilson'. 'Becky' seems reluctant to talk about him. Now, you're a married man and I'm gonna soon be one. I'd be willing to bet that 'Yancie' hasn't stopped telling everyone she knows all about you. 'Della' will be no exception after next monthlet's 'I do's have been said. I want to know whom this 'Abe Wilson' is and why his wife won't tell us anything about the guy." explained the attorney.

"Sure thing, man. Uh, if ya don't mind my asking, 'Perry', why?" asked the senior partner of the 'Drake-Drew Detective Agency'. 'Perry' lit two cheroots and gave one to Paul.

"She's handling the prosecution for 'Hamilton' and 'Alex'. Somehow this 'Abe' leaves a sour taste in my mouth and my guts tell me that there's more to him than she's letting on. Soon as ya can, my friend. Gotta get back to 'Della' before she goes way off her diet. By the by, where's your better half today?" asked 'Perry'. Paul sighed and took a long pull from his Martini.

"She went offworld to 'Kagura' with 'Fflay Allster' and 'Kagome Higurashi' to do some shopping. I'll probably have to 'rep up' another room in our apartment to hold it all. They asked 'Della' and 'Mae' to go with them, but-" said Paul.

"But, we had that pre-trial briefing this morning with 'Mrs Wilson' and the girls had to play secretary for us. Let me know when you find out something, Paul. Our best to 'Yancie'. Bye." said the counselor-at-law and he returned to his own table.

"I ordered for you, Love. Anything that I should know about, dear? I am your 'confidential' secretary." said 'Della Street'.

"Maybe nothing, maybe something. I dunno which. 'Della', has 'Becky' said anything to you about her new husband? This 'Abraham Wilson' guy, I mean. There's just something not quite right. Wives usually gossip all about their husbands. It was almost like 'Becky's afraid of this guy. I've got Paul checking him out. See what you can get outta 'Becky'. 'Yancie' might know something about 'Wilson'. By the by, sorry you couldn't go shopping with 'Yancie', 'Fflaysie' and 'Kaggie'. I understand that they went to 'Kagura' early this morning. Garcon? A refill, please." said 'Perry' and 'Della' grinned at him.

"I already did my shopping- online. My goodies will arrive in a few days on the next transit vessel from 'Shimougou', Love. Wait'll ya get the bill, Counselor. Don't look so shocked. You can afford it. Besides, don't you want your fiancee to look nice? Ooh! Here comes my 'Surf and Turf' special and your steak lunch. Wanna share my banana split for dessert?" cooed 'Della'.

"Have to take a rain cheque on that, Honey. I have a 'vidbrief' to prepare. Uh, can you grab a lift back home? Otherwise, I'll hail a 'holotaxicab' and leave the 'speeder' for you, dearest. I have a few things left to do at the office." said 'Perry' after he'd finished his lunch.

"Sure. I see that nice 'cat girl', 'Neko Olson' is waving to us. I'll hitch a ride with her. Go, man. You know about time and tide, 'Perry'. They wait for no man, dear." replied 'Della' and he bent over and kissed his love goodbye. 'Neko' was already striding across the crowded bistro to 'Della's table. 'Paul Drake's table was empty. The detective was not one to let grass grow under his big feet.

"Hullo there, 'Della'. Sure, I'll give ya a lift back home. Oopsy! I promised 'Jonathan' (Harlock) that I would stop scaring people by reading their minds and then answering their thoughts. Ooh! A banana split! I'm broke until next 'vidpay monthlet'. Looks yummy though." said the 'nekomata shogou' (cat girl/demon) wistfully.

'Della' signaled for a waiter and ordered another banana split for 'Neko'. As a 'guest' of the 3WA and the Federation, the 'Legal Eagles' teams could have anything on 'Vic' for free. 'Neko' was a 3WA officer- a 'Subaltern' (jg)- and as such, she was required to pay her own way. The girls 'pigged out' on two splits apiece and then they headed for the roof where 'Neko's 'Pirate Babe' 'sky speeder' was berthed.

"Hop in, kiddo. Mind if I make a quick stop on the way home (Both girls lived in the same new skyscraper building not far from the new CourtHouse on 'Vic City's main boulevard), 'Della'? The vidlibrary has a new 'Don Poonz' vidnovel that I've been dying to read, man. Just take a second, Hon." said 'Neko', firing up her thrusters. Then she released her 'clutchpin' and noticed the small pile of 'vidtix' on the floor and eased off the 'speed bar'.

"One more 'vidticket' for speeding and 'Jon' said he'd ground me. I really am a very skilled pilot though. She lifted off carefully and sped through the aether at 'Point three Warp'- the limit in the city limits was 'Point four and a half Warp'. She dropped onto the roof of the rather small- a mere 55 stories in height- vidlibrary edifice.

"Be right back, 'Della', promise." said 'Neko', calmly stepping off the roof which scared the Hell outta the Earther woman. Then she remembered that 'Neko' had been wearing 'rocket boots' and she relaxed. Fifteen minutes later, 'Neko' tossed a wrapped parcel onto the back seat and hopped back behind the controls. She blasted off and was soon rocketing up the boulevard.

"Sorry, but vidlibraries make me lose all track of time, Hon. Oh no!" she said when they heard the ominous sirens coming up fast behind them. "Damnation! 'Point five and a quarter Warp'! 'Jon'll yank my vidlicense for certain sure now! Hey! Look at that hunk 'patroller' guy. Get my gunsash outta the back seat, 'Della'. Might as well use my 3WA 'pull'. This guy's a 'patroller lancer'- like a 'corporal', man. I'm a 'Suba', well a 'jg' 'Suba' anyway. Let's see what happens." whispered the 'cat girl/demon.

"Vidlicense and vidregistry, please. Oh and vidID cards too, ladies. You as well, mum." said a bored 'patroller' guy when he had pulled his 'patrol speeder' beside Neko's hovering 'sky speeder'. "Hmmn. 'Miss Della Street'. All OK here. And you are- 'Subaltern Olson'- crap! You're a 3WA officer, mum? In 'hot pursuit', are ya? Well- I couldn't know that now, could I, mum? Just take it easy and- have a nice day, ladies. Bye!" said the frightened 'patroller cop' who was soon lost in the aether.

"So I do have some 'clout' after all, huh? Still and all, I'd better watch it from now on, kiddo. There's our building. Darn it! No 'roof berths' left. Hang on, 'Della'. We are goinna hafta 'berth' in the basement 'parking docks'. " said 'Neko', dropping some 400 levels to the ground which feat she accomplished in less than thirty seconds, causing Della's tummy to do flip flops.

Back in 'Della's suite, the ladies were drinking java and munching on cookies when 'Della' decided to ask 'Neko' about that 'patroller' guy incident.

"Just what ranking is a 'Subaltern', 'Neko', if you don't mind my asking?" inquired the legal secretary, sipping her hot java.

"Uh, betwixt a 'major' and a 'lieutenant colonel' in Earther military or police rankings. Of course, as I'm only a 'jg' 'suba', I don't have any real seniority on the force yet, but most people don't realize that. The violet and green-edged vidID card is usually the only thing that anyone notices when they read the ranking and they don't always note the 'jg' behind the ranking. More java and cookies, dear?" replied the cat girl/demon/trill/human. 'Della' admired her friend's furry ears and magnificently bushy tail which she had curled around herself.

"Wow! It's almost 1500, man! Uh, three in the afternoon, Hon. I'm due back on duty at the stalag camp in an hour! Sorry to eat and run, but I gotta get a wiggle on my tail! The 'Green Baron'll have me guts fer garters if I'm late reporting in again. Bye." called the tall 'suba', dashing for the lift. Her 'rocket boots' she had left in her 'Pirate Babe' 'sky speeder'.

'Della' took a long relaxing bubble bath and then changed into a nice soft 'kimono' and curled up on the sofa to watch some vidTV until it was time to start dinner for her and 'Perry'. Cooking and baking was so much fun now that all one needed to do to 'rep up' anything was to simply state one's needs and wants. Then- hey presto!- out they popped! Cool!

As usual, her beau was late for dinner. Feeling guilty about lunch, 'Della' ate a small salad and a vidTV dinner for supper, drank a few glasses of white Zinfandel wine and settled down with her java mug to watch vidTV while she waited for 'Perry' to arrive.

"What the devil? Did you see that, Paul?" asked 'Perry Mason'.

"See what? Oh, you mean that shooting star? Make a wish on it?" chuckled the detective.

"That was no shooting star or meteorite either. It was a 'vapour trail' from a vessel. But, 'Romana' told me yesterday that no ships are due in for another week." replied the lawyer.

"So? One came back ahead o' time. What's the big deal?" asked the big guy who was chomping on potato chips while he read 'Perry' his report on 'Abraham Wilson' and 'Becky Farrah Wilson'. The gist of it was that 'Becky' had had ties to the Chicago underworld back on ancient Earth. Her husband, on the other hand, was still a 'person of interest' to the 'ISSP', according to 'John Raven' although he'd been staying out of trouble of late.

"If it was one of our vessels, why is it landing 'cloaked'? That's not allowed by the 3WA." said 'Perry', tapping out his 'vidbrief' for Monday's trial.

"It's also friggin' impossible. A ship cannot land without dropping its 'cloak'. I got that straight from the Boss Lady herself, the Supreme Marshall." replied Paul. He poured himself a large mug of java and 'spiked' it with rum.

"That's what I thought, Paul. 'Emeria', please put in a call for me to the spaceport control tower. I'll speak with anyone who answers. Thank you." said 'Perry'. 'Emeria Flagstaff' was their new receptionist and she handled calls for both Mason' and 'Matlock's offices.

"Y'all there, 'Mr Mason', suh? Here's your call-er, suh. Go ahead, 'Lt Karr', ma'am." said 'Emeria' a few moments later and 'Perry' picked up his vidphone and spoke.

"Sorry to bother you so late, lieutenant. I just noticed a 'cloaked' vessel's 'vapour trail' and- oh, I see. No, as long as you are aware of it already. Yes, you are more than welcome, ma'am. Goodbye." said 'Perry' and he hung up.

"So? Makin' a mountain outta a molehill again, Boss?" chortled Paul.

"No. The lieutenant on duty at the tower said that they noticed it as well. The vessel didn't land over there at all. According to her calculations, on its present course, it made 'planetfall' across the river near the stalag camp. She'll buzz me back if she finds out anything new. Strange. My client insists that we have three solar years before we are invaded. Now, a 'cloaked' ship and- maybe I am jumping to conclusions without all of the facts. I could use a snort. How about you?" said the lawyer and Paul brightened up at once.

"Thought ya'd never ask, sir. Does 'Emeria' know where to get hold of us? Just in case?" said Paul.

"Not necessary here. She can find us wherever we are on this planet at a moment's notice. Or did you forget your 'comm badge' again?" laughed the big attorney.

"Yeah, but it's here somewheres. Maybe in this drawer? Aha! Here it is. OK, I've got my badge on now. Let's get wasted." chuckled Paul. 'Perry' dropped his 'vidbriefs' on 'Emeria's desk and bid her a pleasant good evening. "Bye, Beautiful." said Paul.

"Oh, y'all says the sweetest thangs, 'Mr Drake', suh. And a pleasant good evenin' to y'all as well, suh." said the receptionist.

"We'll use your car, Paul." said 'Perry' and Paul shook his head.

"Unh unh. 'Yancie' had it last and she can't remember where she left it. We'll have to use yours." said the big detective.

"Nope. I lent it to 'Della'. It's probably still at the apartment house. Cabbie! Over here, please." called 'Perry' to a passing 'holotaxicab' which slid to a smooth stop beside them.

"Closest tavern, cabbie. We have got a powerful thirst, sir." said Paul. They climbed aboard and the 'droid pulled away and stopped less than a block from where he had picked them up. "Here we are, sirs. The 'Chartreuse Gato' ('Green Cat'), a very nice, um, 'watering hole'. That'll be three UniCredits, please. 'Perry' tapped out 'five' on his vidwallet and the cabbie thanked him and sped away.

"Are we still 'cloaked', 'Krong'?" demanded Ashka Khan.

"Aye, sir. I'm putting us down just outside of the stalag camp." replied the 'Botany Bay II's pilot.

"Fool! You have left a 'vapour trail'! Our presence on this world will now be known! What good is our 'cloak' now, Ashy?" howled 'Lady Veronica'. Their Commander thought quickly.

"The odds of anyone noticing our 'VT' in this murk just before 'dark time' is virtually nil. We will remain 'cloaked'." replied Khan. The wily old space pirate did not often make mistakes. However, this time, he was destined to make a real lulu of an error!

'Krong' slid smoothly to a halt scarcely 300 metres from the stalag's main gate. "Looks like we are the first to arrive, sir. The others seem to be a few more days away from here. What about 'shore leave', Captain?" asked 'Black Widow' who was going stir-crazy after being cooped up aboard this vessel for close to a week.

"Why not? We have a few days to wait. However, disguise yourselves to appear as 'colonists' and- no weapons. We're supposed to be 'doves', not 'hawks'. You will go in shifts. Each man or woman will have 48 solar hours' shore leave. I want this bridge manned at all times. 'Ronnie', you'll be in charge of the first group. 'Krong' will be in charge of the final group. Keep in touch with the ship and report in every twelve hours." ordered Khan.

"And you, sir? Will you be going to the surface?" asked O'Malley. Khan shook his head.

"No way. I am too well-known to 'colonists' and the 3WA alike. I do not dare take the chance. Too risky. On second thought, O'Malley, you'll take charge of the second 'SL' wave. 'Krong' will go with 'Ronnie's first group. Let's have another gander at those ancient vidstar charts as long as we have the time, Seamus. Meet me in my ready room. Work out who goes first with 'time lady' here. Have fun, me buckos." chuckled the old space pirate and smuggler.

"Dammit all! We go to all of the trouble of mounting a rescue for 'Xylo' and 'Thelma' and they rescue themselves! Then when we finally do get back home, we're told that they went on a mission with Molly! Dammit, a fiancee's place is with her groom to be, man!" sulked Bobby Hogan.

"Yeah, they took Romana along too." replied Allie.

"Not to mention all of the doctors except me! They even took my nurse, 'Jeannine Huntley'!" complained the newest colonist from Terra, 'Dr Mark Sloane'. "All of this modern junk is Greek to me. What's this tomfool thing?" he added, holding up a 'tricorder' unit.

"For basic diagnoses, Doc. That 'thing' replaces a 'stethescope', a thermometre, BP machine, you name it, pal. C'mon. I'll buy ya a nice hot java back at the clinic, Doc." soothed his new nurse, 'Lacey Gordon, RN'. 'Lacey' had been assigned to him by 'Starfleet' where the Second Lieutenant had been serving as a 'medic' aboard 'Kiva Nerese's 'Coriander' starship.

"Doctor? Might I suggest that you check out the 'medical vidfiles' on your PDO unit. It works just like an ancient cellphone did in your time era." advised 'Lady Galatea', the 'time lady'. With Romana gone, 'Gally' was now Allie's 'exec'.

"I never get the time, 'Gally'. What with all of the accidents and colds and flu cases from the new city's colonists and builders. Hot java sounds good to me, 'Lacey'. Can we 'rep up' some old-fashioned Boston Cream Pie too?" asked Mark, following his new nurse out to her new 'sky speeder'. 'Marco' was waiting out in the compound for them. She had christened her 'speeder' in honour of her new firefighter boyfriend.

"Might as well get back to our place, Colonel- uh, Bobby." suggested 'Alvin Newkirk'. Bobby sighed and followed the Englander out to their waiting sky sled. 'John Kinchloe', 'Hans Schultz', 'Louie LeBeau', 'Andy Carter', 'Freddy Burkhalter' and 'Willy Klink' were already aboard with 'Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter' at the controls.

"Where's 'Wolfie', Love?" asked 'Alvie' and the blonde smiled.

"Back home polishing our new silverware. My little 'puppy dog' is becoming a real helpful hubby these days. Everyone strapped in tight? Good. Here we go, guys." replied 'Helga', snapping the top shut and lifting off into the aether for the 17 kilometres' jaunt back to 'Stalag 13'.

"Ach! I think dot I am going to be sick. I am afraid of heights." whined 'Willy'. How this guy ever got into the 'Luftwaffen' German Air Force, was beyond me.

"Our big brave 'iron colonel'. Pshaw! A pilot who is afraid of flying!" chuckled 'Louie' who doubled as their chef.

"Do vhat I do, Klink. Just close your eyes und think of something pleasant. I always used to think of you at der Russian Front." laughed the big fat former 'Luftwaffen' general, 'Freddy Burkhalter'. "Be careful, 'Leibchen' (Child). Ve don't vant to crash into der mountain, do we?" he chortled.

"I never told you how to run Berlin, Freddy, so don't you tell me how to fly. OK?" cooed 'Helga', yawing hard aport to barely miss hitting 'Mt Peabody'. 'Schultzy' smacked his lips and his mouth began to water.

"Ach! I smell der 'Streudel', little 'cockroach'! It ist a very pleasant a-roma! Ve must be close to home!" said the big former 'Luftwaffen' sergeant, anticipating the sweet treat that he would soon be enjoying.

"You can't be smelling anything, 'Tubby'. We're still 12 kilometres from the stalag, Hansy." objected 'John'.

"He could smell 'Sauerbraten' cooking in 'Hammelburg' back during the war back on Earth, 'Kinch'. What the Hell? 'Helga', can you get a bit closer to the ground, Honey?" replied Hogan. He'd just spotted a glint of light below them where nothing was supposed to be.

"I could put down over in that little glade, Bobby. Would that be OK?" asked the blonde and he nodded. She expertly slid to a smooth stop under the trees and Bobby popped open the top of the sled and hopped to the snowy ground.

"What have we here? Hmmn. Some kind of dog collar. Hello! Look. I'd swear that those are sledge tracks! I wonder where they go. 'Kinch'? Come with me. The rest of ya stay here. 'Andy'? You're in charge. Don't wander off, guys." said Hogan.

"Bob? I think that I can hear dogs barking, man! Yeah. Look there, man. He looks like a Canadian 'Mountie' and look at that lead dog! Oh no! It can't be, man! That couldn't be 'Sergeant Preston of the Yukon', could it?" said an astonished 'John Kinchloe'.

(AN: An ancient Terran TV series in the 1950's, 'Sgt Preston of the Yukon' had begun life as a radio series in the 1930's. Apparently, 'Kinch' had recognized the 'Mountie' from his radio show descriptions, not from the TV series since the USAA staff sergeant was still in the 1940's at 'Stalag 13' on ancient Terra before he and the others had been whisked to 'Vic's 23rd Century).

"One way to find out, 'Kinch'. (Hogan whistled) Here, 'King'! Here boy, come here!" called the former flying ace and the big silvery grey and white 'Malamute' sled dog came loping back to Bobby. "Good boy. Good 'King'." said Hogan. They didn't have long to wait before the 'Mountie' came striding back towards the two men, his 'snowshoe' shod feet making shooshing sounds in the snow.

"Oho! So you found some friends, eh 'King'? Hands up, gentlemen. I arrest you in the name of the Crown. Come along quietly now. We 'Mounties' always get our men. The capatain will be glad that I caught you two. Stealing trappers' pelts is a serious offense, boys." said the stranger in red.

"May I suggest that you drop that weapon, sir and put up your own hands. I know how to use this, sir and I will not hesitate to fire. You are making a grave mistake, sir." said 'Helga' in a clear strong voice. 'Andy' and 'Alvin' had plasma rifles pointed at the startled and confused and angry Canadian lawman who tossed his 'Colt .44' revolver at her feet and raised his hands.

"That's right, mate. Nice and easy now. I'll bet that you ain't got no idea o' where the Hell ya are, do ya, mate?" asked 'Alvin'.

"What nonsense is this, sirs, madam? We stand not 40 kilometres from 'Whitehorse' in the Canadian 'Yukon', of course." snarled the man who identified himself as 'Sgt William Preston' of the 'Royal Canadian Northwest Mounted Police'. "And the year, mate?" demanded 'Newkirk'. "The year of our Lord 1937, sir. What is all this?" answered the 'Mountie'.

"And, sir? How many suns do ya see up there?" asked 'Andy Carter'. Humouring the addle-brained fools, 'Preston' gazed skywards and his eyes bulged. "Two? Surely there is only one sun in Earth's skies? What the devil-" he howled.

"You may believe me or not, sir. We were as startled as you when we first arrived here. This is a world called 'Victorine' and we are several light years from Mars. The year is AD 2260 in the monthlet of 'JunJul', sir. "Recover your weapon before the snow causes it to rust, sir." said 'Helga', re-holstering her Mark XIII ion cannon and signing to the Englander and Yank to lower their rifles.

"Look what we found, man." said 'John' when they arrived back at the sled with 'Sgt Preston', 'King' and his sledge and sled dogs' team. 'Kinchloe' helped the newcomer to load his dogs and sledge into the sled's rear seats. Then everyone piled back aboard. The top was secured and off they went again. This time, there were no interruptions and they all piled out of the sled back at 'Stalag 13'. A befuddled little mustachioed man came bustling out to meet them, a handful of forks in one hand and a polishing cloth in the other one.

"My husband, 'Wolfgang Hochstetter', sir. 'Wolfie', this is 'Sergeant William Preston' and his friend, 'Yukon King'. Better get our new friend's sledge and dogs out of the sled, Bobby. Would you be an 'Angel' and bring me out my vidcellphone, Darling? Please take the sergeant inside and give him some hot food and warm cocoa or java, dearest." said 'Helga'. She called the main compound to report their newest 'find'.

"Gally's on her way over to interview our guest. Allie's most anxious to discover how you got here, 'Sergeant'. We were one of the last groups to come through the 'rift' in the space and time 'Continuum', sir. If it's reopened again-" reported 'Helga', accepting a cup of dark cocoa from her husband. The others introduced themselves and shook hands all around including 'King'.

"It's 'Bill', madam. Well, I suppose that some explanation is called for here. Honestly, one moment I was mushing my team and 'King' here, across 'LeBarge Lake' in pursuit of two chaps who have been stealing pelts from fur trappers- right out o' their traps. The next thing I knew, the sun, just one mind you, began to set and then- 'Yukon King' here took off like a bat out of Hell! Then I heard your whistling and calls, sir and I followed my dog. Damned if I know what happened, chaps, madam." explained 'Sgt William Preston'.

"It was a 'time wrench' that you traveled through, sir. This one we can get back home, guys. OK if he sleeps here at the stalag camp tonight. Great. Tomorrow I'll take him back to his own time era on ancient Terra. Hmmn. If the 'Time Traveler' weren't safely ensconced on 'Seto Kaibo', I'd swear that this was his doing, man. OK. I'll have my TARDIS outside tomorrow morning, 'Bill Preston'. Afraid that I'll have to wipe part o' your memory bfore I drop you and the dogs off though. 'Time Lords' Law', sir. Nobody would believe ya anyway. Maybe I can even take ya right to where those two 'baddies' are that ye're chasin', man. Well, back to the grind. Ta ta for now. Bye." said 'Lady Galatea' and the 'time lady' vanished.

"Showin' off again, huh? Her and her damned 'instantaneous transmission'! I wish that 'Bulma' had never taught it to her or was it 'Chi Chi'? What's for dinner, 'Louie'?" said 'Helga', shrugging off her heavy fur parka and pulling off her furry gauntlets.

"A nice 'Boulliabase' and 'Crepe Suzettes'. Yes, 'Schultzy', 'Streudel' too." replied the little Frenchman.

"Excuse me, Madam, but might I borrow your telephone? I must report in to my captain." asked 'Bill Preston' and everyone laughed. 'Bill' didn't get the joke.

"Uh, you're a trifle out of range for your HQ, sir. My vidcellphone can only reach a few hundred light years. Earth is a few million light years from here. Don't worry though. 'Gally's TARDIS will get you back tomorrow to the same time as it was on Earth when you, uh, were 'time wrenched'. Difficult for you to grasp, I know. However, you really are on another planet and it really is more than three centuries in your own future. Have some dinner and maybe the guys can get up a poker game. Just relax, 'Bill'." said 'Helga', patting the sergeant on the shoulders.

"OK. He's back home safe and sound and he won't remember any of what has happened to him. However, my 'memory wash' does not work on animals so 'King' and his fellow sled dogs will remember everything, but- who are they gonna tell?" chortled 'Gally' the next morning after she had returned from a short jaunt to ancient Terra to deliver 'Bill Preston' to his 'Yukon' territory in AD 1937.

"A shame that the poor man couldn't have stayed with us, 'Gally'. He would have been useful in mountaineering expeditions. However, since he could go back home, I suppose that it is all for the best. I have an announcement to make, ladies & gentlemen.

"Until 'Romana' returns from her mission, 'Gally' will be my 'Number One' executive officer. This means that she will be second in authority to myself and I expect her orders to be obeyed and carried out without question. Is this fact clear to everyone? Excellent. Now, does anyone know where 'Bill Shadow' and 'Mr Galliard' are at the moment?"

Allie Poe-Prydonia stopped speaking and glanced around the stalag Kommandant's office. Finally, 'Alvie Newkirk' cleared his throat. "Beggin' yer pardon, mum, but 'Andrew' (Carter) and me seen 'im wanderin' around the 'motor pool' back at the stagin' area this mornin'. 'is friend is helpin' out in the kitchens, mum." said the Englander.

"I see. 'Gally', find him. I do not totally trust the gentleman. I thought that he was under house arrest when he wasn't working? So what is he doing wandering around the compound?" asked the 'Lady President'.

"When I find the little pest, I'll be sure and ask him, Boss. Lt Schultz, Lt Carter and Colonel Klink will accompany me. And that is a direct order, boyos. Over here with me now. The big fat former sergeant and the skinny former platoon sergeant obidiently walked across the room to stand beside 'Gally'.

"Uh, I am not allowed to leave the camp. Isn't that right, 'General Burkhalter', sir?" whined 'Willy Klink'.

"Don't get me involved in this, Klink. The lovely fraulein outranks me. Be a man for once, Klink." snapped 'Freddy'.

"OK. Then we'll do this the hard way. Over here beside us now!" snarled the 'time lady' angrily, extending her right arm and making a pulling motion towards herself with her forefinger. Suddenly, 'Willy' was lifted off his feet and flew across the room, crashing heavily against 'Schultzy'. "All of you- hold onto me tightly. We are going for a little ride. I'll keep in touch, Boss. Bye." she said and suddenly she and her small group shimmered, glowed and vanished into the aether!

"I wish that I could do that little trick, darn it. You. (Allie pointed at a cringing former Gestapo SS major- Hochstetter.) Bring a 'speeder' around for me and find me a pilot. Now, if you do not mind, sir." said Allison quietly and, at a nod from his wife, 'Wolfgang' ran from the office and then they soon heard the roar of a 'speeder' outside. Helga's hubby ran back inside and pulled on his fur parka and gauntlets.

"I vill drive you home myself, Fraulein President. I vill be right back, 'Leibchen'." said 'Hochstetter' and his wife kissed him, causing the brave former SS major to blush a deep crimson. 'Bobby' helped Allie into her outdoor gear and 'Wolfgang' stood aside to allow her to precede him out of the office and into the 'sky speeder'. He hopped behind the controls and Allison snapped the top shut and waved goodbye to everyone. Then they took off with a deafening roar and shot skywards. Helga watched the 'speeder' until it had disappeared from her sight. She walked back to the barracks building that she and her new husband were using for their home.

"Louie? Any of that fish stew left?" asked 'Kinch' and the little Frenchman chef beamed at him and began dishing out bowls of 'Bouilliabase', 'Streudel' and 'Crepe Suzettes'. 'Helga' returned and poured hot freshly brewed java for all hands.

"Ach! 'Wolfie' has forgotten his 'flying license'! It ist still in mein purse!" she exclaimed.

"Don't worry, Blondie. 'e's with the Boss Lady. I don't think that any 'Vic Rangers' will be stoppin' 'em, Love." chuckled 'Alvie' who was trying to get up a game of poker. He missed 'Schultzy' who was such a gullible sucker when it came to games of chance. However, 'Freddy' was game and he was almost as stupid as 'Willy'.

"How can you be so calm, Love? Our daughter is millions of 'lightys' (light years) away from home with that- 'fireman'! Heaven alone knows what they are doing now!" howled 'Walker'. Alex Cahill-Walker sighed and put a marker in her newly 'repped up' 'Black's Law- Volume Six' book. She pushed her reading glasses up on her forehead and got off the bunk.

She padded across the room to the closet and pulled out a smartly tailored black suit and tossed it on the bunk followed by a white blouse and black tie. "For goodness akes, 'Walker'! She IS a grown woman now even if she is less than a year old in human terms. She is old enough to take care of herself and I pity'John Gage' if he tries to get fresh with our 'Angie'." she replied.

Alex went to a bureau and pulled out matching green unmentionables, taupe stockings and a colourful scarf. Next she went to the armoire and chose a pair of sensible black high-heeled pumps. She added them to the pile on the bunk and pulled off her blue kimono and matching pajamas. This left the pretty brunette stark naked which aroused her hubby's interest.

"Down boy. I have a meeting this morning with Perry, Hamilton and Becky. We are going to try and have 'Q' lift the bail from 'Shade'. Imagine! The fool was caught by 'Gally' trying to swipe a 'sky sled' yesterday! That's a violation of his bail and I want him tossed in the clink. So does Hamilton. Becky wants to throw the book at the guy! I'm gonna take a shower, dear and I don't want any company in there. Would you mind fixing breakfast for us, darling? Thanks." said Alex and 'Walker' nodded.

Ten minutes later, Alex walked into the kitchenette and sat down to her breakfast. She had changed into her 'work clothes' and she looked stunning as always. 'Walker' poured the java for them and went to the 'key board' for her 'speeder's 'vidkeys', but she waved him back to his chair.

"It's such a nice day that I think I'll walk to the CourtHouse, Love. Want to have lunch at 'Gordon's with us? If Becky doesn't keep us there yakking all day, that is. Boy, is she a gossip if ever there was one, man!" said Alex. She checked her wristchromo against the wall chromo and frowned. "I gotta go. Thanks for breakfast. Meet ya at 'Gordon's around noonish. OK? Bye." she added, kissing him on the cheek and dashing for the lift.

"Sure. I'll be there, Hon. Have a nice day." called 'Walker' to her retreating back.

"The 'weather shield barrier' just went down, mum. Oh, never mind. It's back up again. Musta been a glitch in the system." said 'Warrant One Alice Liddell' who was taking her turn at the scanners.

"Oh, I see. Alice, try and find 'First Lt Caldy' for me. I think he's over at the new 'fire station' in the city. Tell him that I want him to inspect that 'barrier'. If there's a glitch in it, it could be serious. Something tells me that 'Bill Shade's wrong about how long we have until that invasion. I'm going over to see 'Mr Walker' in the city. You're in charge until 'Lady Galatea' returns. Have my 'sky sled' brought around and find me a pilot. Keep your eyes glued to those scanners. Something is not quite right around here, Alice." said Allie.

"Good Gravy! He's done it again, man! This time it's 'Marshall Dillon', 'Deputy Festus', 'Miss Kitty', 'Doc Adams', 'Chester Goode', 'Quint Asper' and most o' 'Dodge City' from that ancient Terran TV show, 'Gunsmoke', milord!" yipped 'Silver Hawkette'.

"Dammit! 'Ranni' will have to try and return them- again! 'Traveler'! Get in here, you infernal pest!" growled 'Lord Vicious' angrily. A short rotund little man came bustling onto the bridge of the 'Nighthawk'.

"Yes, sir? You bellowed?" chuckled the little man.

"Have you any idea of all of the damned trouble you're causin' me? When will these tomfool 'experiments' end, damn you?" howled the former leader of the 'Red Dragons' gang on Mars.

"I have just finished the very last one. I am confident that I can very easily pluck 'Lord Attila' and his horde from ancient Terran Asia and transport them to 'Shimougou' and Mars whenever you give me the orders, sir. I had to bring the entire 'Gunsmoke' cast and the rest of 'Dodge City' and its inhabitants using my 'time wrench'- to test the possibility of a mass transfer, y'see, sir. I mean, bringing the 'Mountie', his sledge and doggies through to 'Vic' was one thing, but-" chortled the 'Time Traveler' before 'Vicious' slammed the little guy against the bulkhead wall. His eyes were aflame and the anger in his voice was quite apparent.

"You did what? You idiot! When 'She' gets wind of this, 'Davros's well laid plans for Universes' domination as well as Time itself will be ruined! What happened to the 'Mountie' guy and his dogs, fool?" seethed the gang leader, causing the little man to become very frightened indeed!

"Some 'time jockey' named 'Gally' used her TARDIS to take him back home, sir. Everything's OK now." replied 'Traveler' in a shaky voice and 'Silver Hawkette' let out a war whoop!

"Oh no! Not her? Not 'Lady galatea' herself? If she's there, we are sunk, man!" cried the silver-haired girl who was so upset that she 'morphed' into her 'hawk' form.

"The 'Terror of Gallifrey' is on 'Victorine', my lord? We cannot win, 'Lord Vicious', no amtter what we do!" screamed 'Ming the Merciless' and the 'Emporer of the Universe' began to sob and bawl!

END of Chapter 5. Chapter 6 'A Gathering of Hawks' or 'Hogan Goes Back to Work' coming soon. R/R/S and thanks again to our loyal readers and followers. Today is the first day of Autumn in Eastern USA. The leaves will soon be falling again.- Story Teller Guy and Your Friendship Team.


	6. Ch6'AGatheringOfhawks'HoganGoesBackToW

Victors of Victorine

Chapter 6 'A Gathering of Hawks' or 'Hogan Goes Back to Work'

DISCLAIMER: Avast me hearties! 'Ashka Khan' has arrived! First, I must do a favour for your storytellers. I know ye've heard this a zillion times before, but here goes. We wanna thank all of the creators who've allowed us to use their creations especially Mr Haruka-San Takachiho without whose kind permissions we would have never even been able to share our very first vidlogs and vidfiles. As far as our own creations go, anyone may use them with our gracious consent provided we get credit for creating them. Now on with the show! Take it away, Colonel Hogan!

"Hullo there, 'Xylo'. Sorry I missed your bon voyage party before you left on your mission. Oh and tell 'Thelma' that 'Jin' sends his love. Seriously darling, you be real careful and don't get hurt, OK? 'Alvie' and the rest o' my guys wish ya a safe trip and a successful mission. Gotta split now, Love. Our 'scrambler's busted so this comm relay's in the clear. Huh? Oh, 'Gilligan' wanted to see how it worked and he done a 'Winry Rockabelle' number on it. Right. Now he can't get it back together again! The 'professor's workin' on it now. OK, 'Xylo'! Bye now, Hon. Ya know I love ya. Take care. Sayonara for now, kid. Bye."

I had been granted permission to make a brief 'comm relay call' to my fiancee, 'Xylo Phone' who was aboard 'Molly Eastwood-Kelly's starship. 'Andrew's (Carter) been making 'bombs' with the 'Blonde Bomber' ('Minnie Mae 'Kitten' Hopkins') all morning. I asked why and I was told it was 'top secret'.

"Sorry, sir, I mean Bobby, but Miss Allison told us not to tell anyone why we have to make 'bombs'. It may have somethin' to do with that 'cloaked' ship that 'Mr Mason' and 'Mr Drake' saw last night. It landed somewhere on the other side o' the river. Don't shake that bottle, 'Blondie'! That's pure 'nitro glycerine', man! Let's go over to 'Mt Peabody' and test a few of our new toys. See ya later, Bobby." said 'Andy Carter'.

'John Kinchloe' was busy as well. Our old 'radioman' was tying in the main 'comm relay unit' to our 'comm badges' so that the 'Lady Prez' could listen in on all of our transmissions. 'Alvin Newkirk' was learning how to use our new firearms. His instructor was a very pretty green-haired 'Gradda' girl named 'Tanya'. 'Louie LeBeau' was in the kitchen arguing with 'Ranger Parker' about some concoction that the Texan called 'chili'. The ranger had suggested mixing some of his 'chili' in with 'Louie's 'Chateaubriand' masterpiece! The little Frenchman was not amused!

'Willy Klink' was taking 'piloting' lessons from his former secretary, 'Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter' while 'Freddy Burkhalter' and 'Wolfgang Hochstetter' had been 'shanghaied' to help paint the new 'Victorian Rangers' HQ offices. I decided to supervise the 'bombs' testings so I volunteered to pilot a 'sky sled' for 'Blondie' and 'Andy'. If they did any damage to our resident 'Djinn's cave, there would be Hell to pay! The flight took all of five minutes.

"Here. Wrap this cable around that tree over there, Bob. Then hit 'delay' on the 'bomb' and do the same thing with these other three 'bombs'. 'Blondie'! Ready with those 'smokers' yet? Get ready to toss 'em when I tell ya. I've got the firecrackers. Everyone get back behind those rocks when ya finish." said 'Andy'. We obeyed our 'demo expert's orders and got behind a big boulder near the entrance to 'Gladius's (Gladius Ahura Mazdan was our guardian 'Djinn') caverns.

"3, 2, 1 and- duck!" yelled 'Andy' and four trees exploded in unison before they clattered to the ground! "Now, Honey! Toss 'em!" added Carter. Suddenly, little 'Mae' lobbed four 'cleanser cans' into the cave. WHOOM! The four 'bombs' exploded and a shower of rocks rained down from the cavern's roof. This was followed by a rumble of thunder and a puff of green smoke which slowly materialized into a very angry 'Djinn'. 'Andy' lit his 'firecrackers' and threw them towards the cave. They landed on 'Glad's foot! Then they too exploded and 'Glad' let out a roar that would have put the 'MGM lion' to shame.

"Damn you! Do I come over to your houses and try to blow them to smithereenies? What's going on around here?" howled the giant 'Djinn' angrily and I hastened to explain things to him.

"So! We do not have three solar years to prepare for this invasion after all?" demanded 'Glad' and I reluctantly agreed.

"Sorry, sir! I didn't know that you were at home, man! The 'Lady Prez' ordered us to build some 'bombs' and test 'em. She told us that you were over at the new city helpin' to install roofs on the buildings." apologized 'Andy Carter' and finally, 'Glad' stopped scowling and broke into a hearty laugh.

"No harm done, laddie. By the by, did you know that you had a visitor last evening? His ship's just across the ravine near your 'stalag', 'Hogan'." informed the 'Djinn'. 'Hogan' frowned.

"Too bad we dunno which ship and who's aboard her, 'Glad'." I sulked. 'Glad' guffawed and slapped his immense knee.

"Ship's called 'Botany Bay' and her commander's named 'Khan', 'Ashka Khan'. He's got a small 'skeleton' crew aboard. However, he does have several 'warriors' although I don't sense any real hostility. He seems to be here to do some 'treasure hunting'. I doubt if he will bother you, but he's waiting for two other villains named 'Vicious' and 'Davros'. They will arrive with 'Daleks', 'Gundammites' and 'Cybremen' in tow." explained 'Glad'.

"And that's the 'vanguard' of the invasion force?" asked 'Hogan'. The giant shook his head sadly.

"Hardly. They are the entire invasion force except, of course, for the 'spy' who is already here amongst you. Sorry, but he or she is masking their thoughts! This 'spy' opened the 'weather barrier' and then reactivated it last night to allow this 'Khan' person through the 'gravity well'. One more thing, 'Hogan'. The remaining trio of vessels will be here by the week's end. This same 'spy' will again open the 'barrier' to allow the rest of the invaders to land. However, where they will make 'planetfall' is unknown to me. Were I invading, I'd put one craft down by the new city, another inside the 'stalag' and the last close to the 'staging area' HQ hut. However, they will do minimal damage to your structures." explained 'Glad' gravely.

"Why? Why won't they destroy the place, sir?" asked the 'Blonde Bomber' and the 'Djinn's face became troubled.

"Because they intend to make this world their new headquarters when they rule the Universes and Time itself, my dear child." replied 'Gladius Ahura Mazdan'. "How they hope to achieve this is not clear to me, my friends." he added.

"I think that I can answer that one, guys. My sister, the 'Silver Hawk' told me that 'Time Traveler' is aboard the 'Nighthawk' with 'Lord Vicious'. She tried to draft me into joining her. She's with 'Khan' aboard his 'Bay'." said the tall red-headed 'Hawk Girl' who had just landed beside 'Hogan'.

"Why didn't ya join your sister, 'Hawkie'?" asked 'Andy' and she exploded.

"I hope that I know my duty better than that, sir. I am a member of the 'Justice League' and sworn to uphold law and order wherever it is threatened, sir. Never would I side with a pirate!" snarled 'Helena', drawing her 'Hawkblade' and brandishing the golden weapon above her head. Flames shot from its fiery tip.

"Simmer down, 'Hawk'. 'Andy' didn't mean anything. He was certainly not 'sullying' your honour, 'Helena'." said 'Hogan'.

"Golly gee! No! I would never question your honour, ma'am! Honest Injun!" replied 'Andy'.

"No way, man! Please forgive 'Sgt Carter', mum." said 'Mae Hopkins', curtseying deeply to the taller woman. 'Helena' nodded curtly to the blonde and re-sheathed her 'Hawkblade'.

"What a time for the guys to be offworld. 'Clark', 'Bruce', 'Bart' and 'Marty' are playing golf on 'Kagura'. They won't be back until the day after tomorrow, man." she said and we all knew that she referred to 'Superman', 'Batman', 'Green Arrow' and 'Martian Manhunter' of the 'JL'.

"Wrong-o! They're right behind me, man. We picked up your 'mind signal', 'Birdie Babe'. Well, they had to return by ship so they won't make it until tonight. I, of course, don't need a vessel, kids and 'Bart's comm relaying the others." chuckled the 'Flash'.

The 'others' had to be 'Richard Henry Benson', the 'Avenger', 'Clark Savage, Jr'- 'Doc Savage' and the 'Questioner'. With 'Hawk Girl' and 'Wonder Woman', this was the 'Justice League'.

"What were you doing with 'em, 'Wes'? ('Wesley Shippman' was the 'Flash' and one of the youngest 'JL' members). Didn't know you went in for golf?" asked 'Hogan'. The kid produced a handful of coloured golf balls from the aether.

"Are you kiddin', man? I had to find the balls and rescue 'Bruce's from all the water hazards. The 'kids' were caddyin'." chuckled 'Wes' and again, we knew that the 'kids' were 'Jimmy Olson', 'Dick Grayson', 'Speedy' and 'Aqualad' who were all 'Junior Justice League' members.

"Want I should scout out this 'Khan' dude's ship for ya, guys?" he asked.

"OK. But just look. Don't touch and don't scare anybody. We don't want them to know that we know that they are on 'Vic'. Do you understand me, 'Wesley'?" demanded 'Hawk Girl' and the kid grinned.

"Sure. Whatever ya say, 'Birdie Babe'. Just leave everything to me, man. Back in a few." replied the kid. He was back an instant later. "Two pilots, exec, co-pilot, 5 gunners, security boss, radio kid, 4 engineer techs, chief engineer, a few medics, your sister, 'Panther Girl', 25 assorted warriors and then I didn't wanna get caught peekin' into the ladies' showers so I come back." reported 'Flash'.

THWACK! "That's for spying on the girls, you lecher! It better not've been 'Silvy', 'Wes'! Hmmn. 'Gladdy's got a strange idea of what is meant by a 'small skeleton crew'. 'Molly' didn't take anywhere near that many people on her mission. So- Bang goes my bright idea of capturing the 'Botany Bay' and her crew." sulked 'Hawk Girl'.

"Why not? If 'Gladdy' can locate it for me, I can 'tractor' the 'Bay' aboard my TARDIS, can't I?" demanded 'Lady Galatea', peeking around the side of her 'Greek Doric' column.

"Wouldn't advise it, Honey. What will happen when 'Vicious', 'Cybre' and 'Davros' show up and there's no 'Khan' waiting for them? Not to mention that it'd 'spook' our 'spy' and he'd go underground never to be seen again. Good idea, but it won't work, kids." said 'Hogan'.

"No! I want to trap the entire invasion fleet. Those late arrivals will coincide nicely with the 'Boss's return to 'Vic' with an entire flotilla of warships. That should be more than enough to take care of 'Davros's insane plot. Forgive me for this en masse 'mind send', but I am not on 'Victorine' at the moment.

"I have been recalled to 'Gallifrey' on a business matter. 'Gally', until such time as I return there, you are in command of 'Vic'. Your first order of business will be to send 'Romana' to 'Gallifrey' when she returns with 'Molly's expedition. This is of paramount importance because our other 'Romana' is missing from 'Warrior's Gate'. Someone has been 'shuffling' time and space and they have managed this major miracle without having to penetrate the 'Continuum'. This person's latest 'experiment' was how 'Bill Preston' and his sledge dogs ended up on 'Victorine'.

"I need not mention this, I suppose, but these revelations are all top secret and on a 'need to know' basis. Yes, all of you will be needed, especially you, 'Gladius'. At this point, I have no idea how long I will be away from 'Vic'. Please obey 'Gally' the same way that you obey me. Goodbye for now, my dear children. Allison Poe-Prydonia signing off. Good luck."

The 'Lady Prez's voice inside of our minds had ended as quickly as it had begun. 'Gally' sighed and lit up a cheroot.

"That settles it, man. 'Time Traveler' is aboard one of those four invasion ships. Besides we 'time folks' and 'Mr Peabody' and those lunatics from the 'Moon Fellowship' and 'Mr Wells', nobody else except 'Traveler' can manipulate time. But, what can he hope to achieve? I mean, this crackpot 'Davros' guy. 'Traveler' 'shuffles' time for his own amusement. He's not interested in money, fame or power. I wonder-" mused the 'time lady' aloud.

"Oh, I think that I can answer that one, milady. 'Davros' wants him to bring some of the worst raiders from history forwards to this time era on 'Shimougou', Mars, 'Kagura' and- apparently- 'Workoh' and 'Victorine' as well." explained 'Bill Shade' who had just walked into the office. 'Ranger Gage' was with him.

"Who is he bringing forward, Bill?" asked 'Hogan'.

"The 'Visigoths', the 'Vandals', 'Attila the Hun', 'Genghis Khan', some old Japanese Samurai guy 'Musashi' and his gang and about five more whose names I have forgotten. However, what his exact plans are- he has vouchsafed them to nobody. 'Khan' joined the fun and games because 'Davros' supposedly has a map to the 'Flint treasure' from ancient Terra that the 'Stevenson' chap wrote about in his book, 'Treasure Island' way back when. 'Vicious' is on board to seize control of the 'Red Dragons' again. The 'Cybremen' just like killing. The 'Gundammites' have been promised control of their old home worlds. 'Davros' intends to carry out his late father's plans to have his 'Daleks' rule the Universes and conquer Time itself. They are all quite mad, Colonel- or is it Brigadier now? Yes, thank you, my dear. It's bitterly cold out there and a hot java sounds good to me." replied Bill.

"You have got to be kidding, Bill! If he does that, all he'll need are 'Napoleon Bonaparte', 'Adolph Schickelgruber' and 'Alexander the Great' to complete his set of maniacs who could rule all of the Universes!" snapped 'Gally' worriedly.

"And Time, milady. All of Time itself will be in 'Davros's hands when he captures 'Kronos' and learns Time's secrets. No more streudel? Ah! Thank you, my dear 'Helga'. Now, where was I? Oh yes, you have a 'spy' amongst you. From both 'Khan' and 'Davros'. 'Zorin Oakenshield' told us that he too has a 'cat amongst the pigeons' as well.

"If I were you, milady, I'd find out everyone's exact location when that 'barrier glitch' occurred. Whoever cannot account for their whereabouts-" chortled 'Bill Shade'.

"You mean- whoever doesn't have an alibi for those precious minutes, must be our 'spy'? Nice try, but couldn't your 'barrier field' be opened by remote control? Then he or she would have an alibi, 'Mr Shade', wouldn't they?" suggested 'Paul Drake' who had just arrived with 'Perry Mason', 'Della Street', 'Mae Hopkins' and 'Ben Matlock'. "That would be my wife's theory anyway." he added and we were back to square one again!

"No, 'Bill's right. None of our security equipment will work by remotes. 'Uncle Vito' (Galadriel) and 'Chuck' (Garner) have ordered all remote control units shut down so that the only way to open the 'weather shield' is by turning off the 'shield generator'. 'Gally'? I wanna know where all hands were betwixt 1900 and 2000 hours (7-8 PM) last night. See to it and that's an order." growled the 'Boss Lady' herself.

The 'Supreme Marshall' Keirran O'Halloran was framed in the portalway of the office. Her fiery red mane streamed from beneath her helmet. She hooked a chair with her boot and plopped herself down on it. 'Mugen' had taken to referring to this 'lady' as 'Ghost who walks' because of her stealthiness.

"Consider it done, 'Boss'. Uh, I didn't 'sense' the 'Lovely Angel 2' (Her flagship) on 'Vic', mum." replied 'Gally' and Kei smiled.

"I came here aboard the 'Leonardo', one o' my shuttlecrafts. I sent my flagship ahead to 'Shimougou'. I left 'Kiva' (Nerese) in command o' her. By the way, 'Davros', 'Oakbrain', the 'Cybremen', 'Gundammites' and 'Vicious' are only a few hours behind me. No sign o' the 'Botany Bay', 'Khan's ship." drawled the Amazon firebrand Hellcat, igniting a cheroot using a 'spill' from the fireplace. The 'fireplace' was really 'Gally's TARDIS, but only 'Hogan' knew that fact.

"That's because the old space bucanneer is already here, Boss. He made 'planetfall' last night. 'Perry' and me saw him land. He must be waiting for the rest of the brood, ma'am. So we don't have three years after all, huh? (Kei shook her head and took a long pull from her drink). Figures. 'Murphy's Law', man. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong." sighed 'Paul'.

"Speak fer yerself, boyo. I like havin' my enemies where I kin find 'em, man. Not even 'Oakbrain' would stage a night attack on 'Victorine'. It'd be tantamount to suicide. Forewarned is forearmed, folks." chuckled the redhead.

'Gally' touched her own forehead with a gloved fingertip. "Only one unable to give a satisfactory alibi for last night is 'Colonel Stanley's new firefighter/paramedic recruit- 'Ensign Tom Gillespie'. He must be our 'spy'- or one o' 'em, at least." snarled the 'time lady'.

"What new recruit? I don't remember any new recruits. Do you, Sean?" asked the new 'Victoria City Fire & Rescue' commander. He had 'Henry', their mascot doggie on his lap. His Gaelic 'lieutenant' did double duty as both one of 'Walker's 'Vic Rangers' and 'Hank's 'Number One' at the fire station.

"Well, all I know is that Tom's been running rescues and fires with us for about a week now. I thought sure that you already knew about it, Cap. His vid-docs and vidID's all checked out OK, sir. I'll go get him for ya. Excuse me, folks." said Sean and he headed for his 'sky cycle'.

"Better send 'Android 16' and 'Krillin' with Sean for back-up, 'Gally'. Make it so." growled the Boss.

"On their way, Boss. I just 'mind sent' to both 'android' and 'Z fighter'. Can't 'read' this 'Tom Gillespie' at all. He must be 'masking his thoughts'. A risky business for a spy on this base. He can't leave 'Vic' without our knowing it. Let's see what he's been up to, Boss. They should be back in a few more minutes. Java anyone?" said 'Gally'.

An hour later, a slight little guy in an Earther paramedic uniform walked in between the giant android and Sean with 'Krillin' in tow. The new guy was smiling and joking with Sean when they walked into the office. 'Gally' waved them to seats. "Mr Gillespie, I presume?" asked the 'time lady'.

"Uh, 'Major Gillespie' of the 3WA actually, ma'am. Uh, do all of these people have security clearances? ('Gally' nodded) Then I can be honest with you. I was sent here by the 'G Boys' to locate your 'spy'. I'm under orders not to share anything about this 'spy' with anyone save the 'Amazonian terror' herself. All I can say is that I have found your 'spy'. However, I am not at liberty to share that identity with anyone but the 'Boss'. And-"

"Clear the room. That's an order, my friends. 'Gally' and Hogan can stay. The rest of you- out!" growled the 'Boss'. The room emptied out fast.

"OK, 'Gally' and 'Hogan' have 'Class AA' clearance, Tom. Who's our 'spy'?" she asked quietly. Tom took a breath before he spoke.

"It's 'Subaltern Miriam D'Schee'. She's a former member of 'Queen Emeraldas's crew. How she got mixed up with 'Khan' and 'Davros' is a mystery to me. I followed her last night. She switched off the 'shield generator' for the 'weather barrier'. Then, a few minutes later, she switched it back on again and I followed her to this hut. I heard her comm relay to both 'Khan' and 'Davros'. She's a 'double double agent' working for both guys independently. I heard her say something about 'being ready' for 'multiple landings' on Friday evening. I thought it best not to reveal myself to her. She's our only link to the invasion force." explained Tom.

"You did well. I want you to allow her to shut down the 'barrier' when they arrive. I want all of their invasion fleet leaders in one place before I make any arrests. John Raven's 'ISSP' and 'KASP' forces have located the rest of their fleets on 'Gysymeo', 'Minerva' and 'Neptune'. The 'Cybremen' are using 'Autobot/Decepticon's home world for their base and we've sent the 'LA5' with a flotilla of 'starcruisers' under the command of 'Air Marshall Angel' (Marlene) to intercept them before they leave that planet. If they think that their 'invasion fleets' are coming to their aid, they are sadly mistaken." seethed Kei quietly.

"But, we don't have anywhere near enough firepower and back-ups to subdue 'Oakbrain', 'Vicious', the 'Cybre' freaks and 'Khan', 'Boss'- not here anyway." objected 'Brigadier Robert Hogan'. 'Gally' agreed with a nod of her head.

"The 'Brig's right, ma'am. We need-" said Tom Gillespie before she quieted him with a glance of her Kelly green eyes.

"As I speak, the 'ISSP', the 3WA, 'Starfleet', 'Earthers' Interpol', 'IGSC' and several other groups are on their way here with enough firepower to finish off a lot more than just a few 'starships'. Like I said- I want to take them without bloodshed. Or, as little bloodshed as possible anyway." chuckled the redhead.

"OK. What are my orders, ma'am?" asked Tom.

"Go back to your cover job as a PM/FF. Keep a tight tail on 'Miranda' and report everything she does. Don't let her spot you and don't try and stop her from disabling the 'barrier'. 'Khan' we aren't too worried about. He's in the game because he thinks that 'Davros' has some ancient star vidmap to 'Flint's treasure. We're only gonna put the fear o' Kami (God) into him and his lackeys. We don't intend to charge him unless he fires on us first. The same goes for the rest of his 'hired hands'. Our goal is to protect the 'colonists'. That is our #1 priority- bar none. How's Tom doing with his rescue and fire work, Sean?" asked the 'Boss'.

Sean had just returned, answering a 'mind send' from Kei O'Halloran.

"One of our best FF/PMs at the station, mum. We'll miss him when he finishes his mission. I don't suppose-" wondered Sean.

"No, when we bag this lot o' villains, Tom goes back home to 'Shimougou'. He's got a family waiting there for him so tell the gang not to play 'match maker' with him." chortled the redhead.

"I may return here as a 'colonist'- with my wife and kids- someday." replied Tom with a grin.

"Looky what I found, mates!" yelled 'Alvin Newkirk' who had been 'surfing the channels' on the stalag's new vidTV set.

"What have you found, Alvie?" asked a weary 'John Kinchloe' who was still trying to hook up a new 'comm relay' antenna to an old (Circa 22nd Century) 'vidphone' in an attempt to reach 'Earth' or 'Terra' as they called it now.

"A vid-film of this year's 'SuperBowl 257' is all." laughed the Englander.

"So?" asked 'Andy Carter' who never was very bright. Not so 'Louie LeBeau', the French airman/chef/saboteur who immediately realized where 'Alvie' was going with hs announcement.

"Sacre Bleu! We will know the game's final score and we can relay it through the radio as if it was a 'live' broadcast!" chortled the Frenchman with a devilish smile.

"So?" asked the still dense 'Andy'. Now 'Johnny' got it too.

"So- nobody else in camp will know that it's not really the 'real McCoy', Andrew. And they'll bet on its outcome!" guffawed 'Kinch'.

"But, we'll already know who's gonna win- see?" chuckled 'Newkirk'. "Like 'Schultzy', 'Freddie' (Burkhalter), 'Wolfie' (Hochstetter) and 'Willy' (Klink) and- do we let 'Bobby' (Hogan) in on the joke or not? How about 'Helga' (Schmidt-Hochstetter)?" he added impishly.

"Let me in on what, 'Alvin'?" demanded 'Bobby Hogan' who had just returned from the big pow-wow. 'Kinch' hastily explained when he saw 'Willy', 'Wolfie', 'Helga' and 'Freddie' pulling 'Schultzy' out of the 'sky sled' while 'Bill Shade' and 'Dave Galliard' were busily unloading the spoils from 'Helga's latest 'shopping trip' to Mars.

"Oh, you wouldn't do that to them, would ya?" laughed 'Hogan' who already knew the answer. "Oh, what the Hell. Why not? It's all in fun and we're all being overpaid for the little bit we do for the 3WA, right? Sure, include 'Blondie' ('Helga'). As a woman, she's forever complaining about being left outta stuff." chortled the new 'Brigadier Robert Hogan'.

Puffing like an overfed 'grampus', 'Lt Hans Schultz' walked through the 'door' of 'Klink's office on his way to the 'little cockroach's kitchen from which deliscious aromas were emanating. Close on his heels came 'Klink', 'Burkhalter', 'Hochstetter', 'Bill' and 'Dave'. Last of all came 'Helga', shaking the snow off her parka.

"It ist snowing like Hell on Mars! Und kalt (cold)! I vas freezin' mein 'jodhoppers' off! I got zum nice t'ings fur everyvun. Ist dere any hot 'yava' (java or coffee) on der stove? I needs a hot bathe before I start din din fur 'Volfie'!" said 'Helga' whose nose was as red as 'Rudolph's.

"Anyone care to place a wager on this year's 'Superbowl 257' outcome? Mars's 'Moravian City Maulers' vs the Earth's own 'San Diego Chargers'. Give ya 5 to 1 odds on either team if ya get the score right." invited 'Newkirk' who already knew that the game had been an upset victory: 'Maulers' 57/'Chargers' 17 from the peek he'd had at the final score on the vid-film. "Earthers are the faves. 'Ow about it, mates?" he cajoled them and 'Helga' was the first to 'ante up' a thousand 'UniCreds'- score 'Chargers' 27/'Maulers' 12. Soon they were all betting on the Earther team w/ 'Schultzy' borrowing 2500 'UC's from 'Willy' to place the largest bet on the Terran California team.

Everyone laughed when 'Hogan', the Englander, the Frenchman and the two American former sarges ('Kinchloe' and 'Carter') went all out for the Martian team! "Yup! We already heard-" said 'Andrew' before 'Kinch' clapped his hand across his big mouth. "He's gonna be sick again, 'Bobby'! I told ya to lay off that 'Fire Alarm Chili' that 'Colonel Ranger Parker' sent over for lunch, man!" said 'Kinch', dragging 'Carter' off to the latrine. 'Helga' immediately offered her services as a nurse and was politely told that 'he'll be OK in a bit, ma'am.'

Promptly at 1800 hours (6 PM), 'Newkirk' adroitly slipped the game's 'vidfilm' into the vidTV set while pretending to 'tune in' the game from 'Kagura' which had been played months ago- before the 'Stalag 13' gang had shown up on 'Victorine'. They all settled down to watch the 'big game' and cheer on their respective teams.

"I still can't believe that lopsided score, dammit! Twenty-four unanswered points in the final two minutes of the bloody game, man! And I risked 500 'UC's on it too! 'Romana' warned me about betting with you 'stalag' guys! Wait'll she finds out about this one! I'll be the laughingstock of 'Gallifrey'! Not to mention what the 'High Council' will have to say about it, man! Here, 'Alvie'. Five hundred clams- paid in full! A receipt, please- if you don't mind, sir." said an angry 'Gally' when the final score of the game had been plastered across the vidscreen of the new vid TV in 'Klink's office. 57-17!

"Boy! The score didn't seem that lopsided when we watched it the first time, did it, 'Alvie'?" yelped 'Andy' and several pairs of eyes turned angrily on the Englander RAF flyer.

"Oh, didn't I mention that we, uh, sorta- already- nice goin', 'Andrew'. OK, everyone's a winner. Here's yer money back, mates. This evenin' we'll be havin' our annual 'casino night'. Roulette, Blackjack, poker, craps, slot machines- hope ya kin all make it. Sure to be loads o' fun, folks." said 'Newkirk'. "Easy come, easier gone, lads and lassies." he chortled, counting out bet money and shoving it back into eager and angry palms.

"Thanks. Anyone mentions this to either 'Romy' or 'Alley Cat' and I'll have their guts fer me garters. Understood?" growled the 'time lady' who was temporarily in command of the base. Everyone hastened to reassure her that 'our lips are sealed' and 'I know no-thing!' 'Hogan' was grinning like a 'Cheshire Cat'. It was good to let off steam every now and then, right? Even 'Carter' was forgiven for his slip o' the tongue.

"Unh unh. Choppers." said the short US Army corporal clerk from 'MASH 4077th', 'Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly' who had the 'second sight' and knew about things before they happened. He and his officer and enlisted friends from Terra's ancient 1950's 'Korean Police Action' had just arrived the day before yesterday- courtesy 'Time Traveler'- as one of his numerous 'time transfer experiments'.

"That don't sound like choppers, 'Radar'. It sounds more like-" said 'Captain Dr 'Trapper' John McIntyre' when he heard the whooshing sounds above the 'stalag'.

"Incoming! Hit the deck! Cover the patients dammit!" yelled 'Captain Dr Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce'.

"More 'boom booms', 'Dr Hawkeye'?" cried '2nd Lt Nurse Consuelo Lopez'. She started to sob until her CO, 'Major Margaret 'Hot Lips' Hoolahan' smacked the frightened girl across the chops.

"Buck up, Lieutenant! Set an example for the men! Carry on with 'Dr Pierce' and that's an order dammit!" yelled the blonde before she realized what she had just said!

"Hey! She can 'carry on' with me if she prefers, 'Hot Lips'." suggested 'Trapper John'.

"No way, 'Trap'. I can't disobey a direct order from a superior officer, can I?" said 'Hawkeye'.

"If there's gonna be any 'carrying on' done around here, we're gonna be the ones doing it, 'Pierce'! Isn't that right, 'Margaret'?" yelled 'Major Frank 'Ferretface' Burns', the '4077th's exec.

"Frank! You watch your mouth, Buster!" screeched 'Margaret'.

"Well, I got 'dibs' on you, 'Margaret'! I saw you first! Even 'Louise' would agree. Right, 'McIntyre'?" whined 'Burns'.

By now, everyone was diving for cover. 'Consuelo' was crying nonstop and the blonde major was screaming orders like 'General Douglas MacArthur' on 'Corregidor'! Of course, nobody was paying any attention to her. The 'Stalag 13' gang was roaring with laughter until they realized what those 'whooshing sounds' were!

"They're a few days early, 'Brigadier'. This is your temporary commander. Report!" yelled 'Gally' into her 'comm badge'. Klaxons were howling all across the mountainside.

"The damned bloody 'barrier's been breached, mum! This time, the first ship used a 'photon torpedo' salvo to wipe out our 'shield generator'! No, mum! They most certainly ain't 'cloaked'! Four! 'Cruisers'. Well, three of 'em anyway! The first one's a 'flagship'! It's the damned 'Starcrusher'! They're all firing! Take cover!" bellowed the 'Officer of the Day', 'Senior Subaltern Rebecca 'Revy' Roberts', the 'Lagoon Girl'.

'Gally' was galvanized into action. "Everyone aboard a 'sled'! That's a damned order too! We stand a better chance of defending the planet in the 'staging area' than we do here in this camp! 'Hogan'! Send someone to the city to warn the 'colonists'! Tell 'em to take cover and be prepared to defend this world against an invasion! The only ace in the hole we got is that we know that their 'reinforcements' and the rest o' their 'flotillas' ain't comin'! Once they realize that, they will either surrender or dig in and prepare for a siege! Now, 'Bobby', not tomorrow! They also dunno that 'Molly's on her way back here with a small fleet. Nor do they realize that the 3WA has alerted every defense force in these galaxies! What a time for me to be TARDIS-less! I wish that 'Uncle Casterlain' hadn't have taken it on his 'Sabbatical' to 'Graymallion'! We could sure use it now. Hurry!" screeched the excited 'time lady', pulling 'Radar' and 'Klinger' out from under the kommandant's desk and hustling everyone aboard the 'sky sleds' outside.

The snow was falling heavily now and the command building was almost buried under the blizzard. 'Willy Klink' was the first one aboard a 'sled' and he took the controls. This was despite the fact that he hadn't been a pilot since Terra's great 'Winter War' in the early part of the 20th Century in Prussian Germany! The '4077th's patients were loaded aboard a separate 'sky sled' piloted by 'Corporal Max Klinger', in 'drag', as usual.

"Fly them to Mars, 'Maxie'! The 'Moravian City General Hospital'. I've already comm relayed 'Dr Zorobanzan' to expect ya. Go!" yelled 'Colonel Sherman T Potter' who was astride 'Sophie', his Terran 'steed beast' which he called a 'horse' and a 'mayor'! Did ancient Terra actually leave government in the hands of animals? 'Gally' neither knew nor cared. She slammed shut the top of the 'sled' and 'Max' lifted off. 'Potter' was galloping across the meadow towards the 'staging area' which was only 17 kilometres away.

"Not to worry, 'Hawk'. If we have to, we can 'transport' 'Sherman' and 'Sophie' directly to HQ. Get aboard and hurry up!" yelled 3WA 'Warrant One Clarissa von und zum Zepperlin-Skott', slamming shut the top of the 'sled' and signaling its pilot to lift off.

"Frank! Stop acting like a baby and help me with these kids! Get out from under the seat! 'Trapper'! Get 'Ferretface' out of there! Please? Just sit still, 'Hong Shu'. We'll be home and safe soon enough, dear. Frank! That bottle's for the baby, not you!" yelled 'Hot Lips' just as they landed hard and skidded to a bone-jarring halt just outside of the 'motor pool'.

"Last stop! Everybody out!" ordered 'Gally'. "Inside the big quonset hut and hurry up! 'Clarissa'! Start handing out weapons! Yes! Even the kids! OK, not the infants. Holy crap! That's 'Starcrusher'? I never realized that it was so damned huge! It's almost as big as the 'Lovely Angel' 'flagships'!" cried 'Gally'.

"Und it still haf der 'Gott Gun' ('God Gun') installed aboard her, milady. Take cover! Incoming 'plasma bursts'!" howled 'Vice Air Marshall Friedrich 'Fritz' von Dekker' aka the 'Green Baron' who was kommandant of the guard. Rumour had it that he was a direct descendant of ancient Terran 'First World War' air ace 'Manfred von Reichthofen' aka the infamous 'Red Baron', holder of four 'Blue Maxes'. He had been the greatest fighter pilot in Terran history!

The 'portals' had just slid shut behind the last 3WA 'Sapper' when the entire HQ hut shook when the 'plasma burst' struck the outside of the huge quonset hut. "Into der lower level everyone! Quickly!" yelled 'Fritz', pressing wall controls which caused the floor to 'vanish'. As soon as they were all below, he would reactivate the 'floor portals'.

"No, 'Colonel Potter'. This is our fight, not yours. No, I dunno whether or not any of you folks will ever see your Terran homes again. If you were brought here by 'Time Traveler', there's a chance that we can send you back. If it was some other quirk- then you will all be 'colonists' here on 'Victorine'. For now though, you are our 'guests'. About lunchtime, ain't it? Let's get these folks fed, 'Clare'. Ah! Good news! 'Miss Klinger' has just safely delivered your patients to the Martian hospital.

"She's on her way back home now, sir. What a lovely 'steed beast', 'Colonel'. 'Mayor'? Tell me, sir. Does she actually govern an entire city back on ancient Terra? Not 'Mayor'? Oh, 'Mare', 'M-A-R-E'. A female 'Horse'? Ah! Like a 'steed beast'. Let me show you to your quarters, sir. Yes, 'Sophie' will be taken care of for you, sir. I beg your pardon! Oh, of course. Well- how old do you think I am? Twenty-three? Off a bit- by a few centuries anyway. On my next birth day, I will be 437 Earther years of age. Aren't you feeling well, sir? Hot java and cocoa for all hands! Follow me, 'Colonel', sir." 'Gally' giggled like a schoolgirl all the way down the hallway to the warren of underground suites which would have put 'Hogan's Terran 'tunnel systems' to shame!

Unknown even to Allie or Romana or 'Gally', a most unusual 'flying corps' was headed for 'Victorine' to provide back-up for the 3WA!

"No luck yet, dearest husband?" asked the 'Queen of Mongo' for the hundredth time in as many solar minutes.

"No and I do wish you'd stop asking, my darling wife. You remind me of those horrid children in the car ads who keep saying 'Are we there yet?' to their frustrated father. If 'Vicious' has already reached 'Vic', no doubt he is 'jamming' my signals. We can only hope and pray that 'Prince Vultan' and his 'Hawkmen' arrive in time to prevent disaster, my love." replied 'Varin' who was the newly crowned 'King of Mongo'. Unfortunately, the dastardly 'Ming', 'Emporer of the Universes' had managed to slip through 'Varin's 'ring of steel' and was now with 'Vicious' aboard his 'Nighthawk' spacecraft.

'Vultan' had gathered his 'flying corps' of 'Hawkmen' and, armed with 'powerswords' and 'plasma bombs', he was leading his 'Hawks' (He had a good many 'Hawkladies' as well) to the defense of the newly 'colonized' world of 'Victorine' to assist the 3WA forces. 'King Varin' and 'Queen Arabella' were awaiting the arrival of 'Commander Flash Gordon', 'Sub-Commander Dale Arden', 'General Dr Zarkoff' and the 'Fryyggian Ice Princess Freya Frosticle' who were bringing 'Ice Warriors' from her frozen world to strengthen 'Varin's own troops on 'Mongo'.

"I wish 'Flash' and 'Dale' were here, 'Varin' dear." moaned 'Arabella'.

"Someone mention me? Sorry we're late, but that 'Adonis Arch' traffic was murder. 'Frosty's right behind me with 'Dale', the good doctor and the 'Ice Battallions'. Any word from 'Vultan' yet?" 'Flash' had been a Terran 'football hero' and 'Dale' had been an Earther news reporter before 'Zarkoff' had 'shanghaied' the duo into a space trip to 'Mongo' to save the Earth from 'Ming the Merciless's attacks. Having no ties to Terra anymore, the trio had elected to remain on 'Mongo' and assist 'Varin' and 'Arry' now that 'Mongo' and her satellite worlds had finally joined the 'Federation of Galaxies'.

"No need to wait any longer. I have already sent my 'Ice Battallions' ahead to 'Vic'. 'Vultan's forces will be there by 'darktime' this evening- their time. Luckily, 'O'Halloran' loaned us that new 'Lovely Angel 4' 'flagship' and 'Uncle Vito' (Galadriel) has generously supplied us with a fleet of 'starcruisers' equipped with all of those new weapons and other modern jazz. 'Flash', 'Jenna Hoarfrost' is having your 'rocketsled' loaded aboard our 'flagship'. Sire? We are yours to command." said the tall green-eyed silver-haired warrior maiden who was clad in full battledress. A golden 'powersword' swung from her left hip. Double bandoliers criss-crossed her breasts and she carried a 'plasma rifle' in her gloved hand.

"It is well that we are at last able to repay our friends in the 3WA for their invaluable aid to us in our time of greatest need. Without them, we could have never defeated 'Ming' and his evil horde. Where are you going, 'Varin'?" asked 'Arabella' who was also in full battle gear. 'Trog', her faithful 'Dragonian' servant placed the silver helm on her orange locks and lowered the visor which hid all of her beautiful face save for her burning blue eyes.

"My dear darling 'Arabella'. The Saiyaan fighter 'Bortok' has kindly offered 'Flash' and myself his 'instantaneous transmission' services. Whereas the 'flagship' will take two solar days to reach our friends, 'Bortok' can have us there in seconds. No, you must accompany 'Frosty' and 'Dale'. 'Trog' will protect you, my love. Until next we meet, my darling." said 'Varin', raising his wife's visor and kissing her one last time. Then he stood beside the 8 feet tall Saiyaan 'Z Fighter' while 'Flash' kissed 'Dale' and then stood by the Saiyaan as well. There was a blinding flash and- the trio was gone!

Back at 'Vic's 'staging area', 'Flash' (the kid, not 'Commander Gordon') zapped himself into 'Hawkgirl's suite's bedroom without bothering to knock first.

"Hey 'Helena'! Your relatives are here for a visit! Ya decent, babe?" yelled 'Wes' of the 'Justice League'.

"Actually, no! Don't you ever knock, 'Wesley'? Get outta here so I can finish dressing, dammit! At least, turn your back, kid! OK. What's this crapola about my relatives from 'Haraga'?" asked the first female member of the 'League'. She zipped up her jeans and sat down on the sofa, tucking her legs underneath herself. She waved the kid to a chair and 'Wes' sat down in an overstuffed armchair.

"No foolin', 'Hawkie'! Your uncle's got a cool beard and it looks like he's brung all the in-laws too. I saw 'em landin' down by the motor pool, man. Got anything to drink? I could use some cookies too." replied 'Flash'. She busied herself with the 'repper' and asked:

"What makes ya think that they're my relations? They could just as easily be 'Nora's ('Nora' was 'Silver Hawk Woman' who had joined the 'Legion of Doom'. The two sisters were now sworn enemies) folks. Here's some 'Shim Kola' and your cookies. Don't blame me if it spoils your din din, kid." she said.

Just then her suite's klaxons blared followed by the entrance of a big guy fully 9 feet tall and sporting a beard that would have put any Viking's to shame.

"A thousand pardons, milady, sonny. Name's 'Vultan'. I come from 'Sky City' above 'Mongo'. I've brung me 'Hawkmen' here to help. 'Flash' here yet and the 'Popsicle' gal?" he roared.

"Yeah, I'm here 'Pop'. What d'ya want, man?" demanded the kid. 'Vultan' roared with laughter.

"You ain't 'Flash'! Ye're just a wee laddie!" chortled the giant. "I meant 'Commander Flash Gordon' and the 'Princess of Ice' from 'Mongo' and 'Fryyggia', son." he growled in a gravelly voice. That was when 'Helena' noticed his wings and understanding flooded through her being.

"Oh! You must be 'Prince Vultan', ruler of the 'Hawkmen' of 'Mongo'. I have heard the 'Boss' speak of you before." said 'Helena', pouring out some 'mead' for him. Well, he 'looked' like a Viking anyway and all Vikes drank this horrid honey brew.

"He means 'Hawks', milady, sir. I am 'Princess Klavia' and I am a 'Hawklady'. I just flew past the palace and that big Saiyaan had just vanished with 'King Varin' and 'Commander Gordon', sire. I'm dying for a cup o' hot 'tae' (tea). Thankee, Miss-" said the newcomer, folding her wings and seating herself on a chair. Her brother ('Vultan') had just broken three chairs and a divan so he was hovering above the java table.

"Uh, 'Freya' (Frosticle), 'Dale' and 'Queen Arabella' are aboard the 'flagship' and will be here by 'darktime' this evening. Who's this handsome young gentleman, my brother?" asked the tall (7 and a half feet) brunette. 'Helena' performed the introductions and soon they were all chatting away like they had known each other for years.

"Keep it down in here, willya? I can't hear myself fu- Yer pardon, 'Hawkie', kid. Name's 'Mugen'. Who's the flyin' fruitcake up there?" demanded the self-taught 'Samurai' warrior who had been drinking. 'Vultan' bristled with anger and drew his 'powersword'. 'Mugen' yanked out his own 'katana' and slashed at the bearded giant, missing him by a kilometre. 'Vultan' roared with mirth and clapped 'Mugen' on the back, causing the smaller guy to crash heavily into the wall.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot- all Hell's breakin' loose on the surface, milady! Me boyos ha'e captured some nitwit who was riding in a chair with wheels. Great Ming's ghost! Here they are with the blighter now!

"I have diplomatic immunity! I demand to be released immediately or my 'Daleks' will attack! I am 'Caracticus Davros'! I demand-" screamed the little dwarf sitting in a wheelchair.

"I told you that we should have waited, you damned fool! Even your father wasn't this bloody stupid!" shouted the short man standing between two giant 'Hawkmen'.

"Huh? 'Zorin'? 'Zorin Oakbrain'? How-" yelped 'Helena', rising from the sofa and tripping over the java table, spilling booze, 'tae', 'mead', 'Shim Kola' and java all over the place.

"My name is 'Oakenshield', wench, not 'Oakbrain', damn you, witch!" squeaked the megalomanical dictator wanna-be.

"You have captured two of the ringleaders, 'Vultan'!" yipped 'Helena'.

"Those are my men, Honey, not my brother's. I captured these two pests, not him." corrected 'Klavia', grinning.

"And their minions?" demanded 'Hawkgirl' anxiously.

"They are under our control, milady. And their silly looking 'pepper pots' and 'big giant robot' things as well." explained the blonde giant 'Hawkman' who had just arrived. 'Kommodore Eagle-Eye' bowed low.

"Great! All we need now is for 'her' to show up!" grumbled 'Zorin'.

"Someone mentioned me? Relax, boyos. I just got through lockin' up 'Vicious' and 'Cybre Leader' and their co-horts. Tell me, 'Davros'- do you really have 'Flint's ancient 'vidstar chart' or not?" growled the Boss.

"Of course I do, Madam Marshall. I do not indulge in telling falsehoods, unlike some persons I know." replied 'Davros'.

"Ya may as well hand it over, kiddo. 'Khan' never had any intention o' joinin' yer asinine scheme. Ya won't be doin' no schemin' fer about a hunnert years, pal." laughed the Boss.

"Give it to her, 'Zorin'. Perhaps it will mitigate our charges." sighed 'Davros'. 'ZO' grudgingly handed over a long thin tube of metal to the redheaded Amazon firebrand Hellcat.

"If that is all that you wanted, I will take my leave of you folks." said the weasel-like fox-faced 'Oakenshield'.

"Hold him! Even a planned invasion of a peaceful world is a major felony under 'Galactic Law', sir. Now all that must be settled is where you will be tried and by whom. 'Kommodore'? Please take this to 'Ashka Khan'. You'll find him aboard the 'Botany Bay' across the river. Thanks." growled the redhead.

"What about 'Ming', 'Marshall'?" demanded 'Princess Klavia'. "He must answer for his crimes against 'Mongo' and-" she added before 'Kei O'Halloran' shushed her with an upheld gloved fist.

"After he's been tried for these crimes, yer highness. File a grievance complaint with the 'Federation' on 'Alderaan' if ya wanna, but don't hold yer breath waitin' fer an answer, Honey. Well? I happen to outrank ya, 'Kommodore'- and everyone else on this planet, dammit! I want 'Khan' gone by the time the rest o' the troops arrive to transport these goons to 'Seto Kaibo' (A penal colony world) and I damned well mean it, kiddies!" said the Boss very quietly indeed. That meant, of course, that she would brook no further interferences or objections! The 'Kommodore' glanced at his mistress and master. Both nodded and he left with the ancient 'vidstar chart map', three of his 'Hawks' following him.

"I'm glad that we decided to lend that pest 'Traveler' one of our shuttles, 'Ranni'. He was becoming a nuisance." grumbled 'Ashka Khan'.

"I agree. However, was it wise to allow the fool to go to 'Shimougou' so soon? I thought that we had agreed to hold him here until we were damned sure that the 3WA battle fleets had been deployed to 'Minerva', 'Kagura', 'Workoh' and Mars. More java, 'Panther Girl'! Can't get good help nowadays." snarled the rogue 'time lady'.

"They will be landing this evening, 'Ranni'. Isn't that good enough for you?" sighed her Commander. Suddenly, there was a loud tattoo on the concealed portal that led directly onto the bridge of the 'Botany Bay'.

"Who can that be, dammit? 'Krong', open the portals." ordered the 'Gallifreyan' woman.

"Belay that order! Have you forgotten that we are 'cloaked'? Who? I want to know how. How could someone even 'find' this vessel, let alone knock on our parlour door? Exterior vid cams activated, 'Krong'?" demanded the CO.

"Negative, sire. You ordered all unnecessary systems to be shut down." replied the alien pilot.

"Activate the vid cams for the outside bridge portals." commanded 'Khan'. "On screen." he added and they all saw the giant with wings wearing an officer's uniform with more 'fruit salad' on it than the ancient Terran war heroes, 'Ike' and 'Doug'! He was carrying a long tube and behind him were three other winged giants- one of them was definitely female.

"Open a hail for me, please." asked 'Khan'.

"Who are you and what do you want?" yelled 'Ranni', irking the Commander to no end.

"State your business! This ship is 'holographic'. We are really on another nearby world, sir." lied 'Khan'. Of course, 'Kommodore Eagle-Eye' didn't believe a single word of 'Khan's fabrications. He unslung his 'plasma rifle' and placed it carefully on the ground beside him. Then he tossed down both of his 'light pistols', drew his 'powersword' and placed it atop his rifle. At a signal from their leader, the trio of 'bird' people also threw down their arms.

'Eagle-Eye' held up the metallic tube. "I have something for you, 'Lord Khan', sir. May we come aboard, sir?" he said.

"Affirmative. However, only yourself may board. 'Krong', drop our 'cloak' until our 'guest' has boarded. Send away your men. No harm will come to you, sir. You have my word on that, sir." replied 'Ashka Khan', but the 'Kommodore' shook his head.

"No. They will remain outside. However, I will send them back as far as the river. Agreed?" he asked.

"Very well. As soon as they have withdrawn, you may come aboard. Open for our guest, 'Krong'." snapped 'Khan'.

"I am 'Kommodore Eagle-Eye' of 'Sky City Flying Corps', sir. I have a proposal to make to you. ('Khan' waved him to a chair) I have authority to act for the red-haired lady who is our mutual acquaintance, sir. We understand that your only wish is to possess an ancient 'vidstar chart' purported to be a 'map' to a fabulous treasure. I tender to you 'Flint's treasure map. In return, you and your, uh, passengers and crew will immediately depart this world. No charges will be filed against you nor will any bounties be placed upon any of you. In addition, all outstanding bounties against any of you are hereby withdrawn. These terms, you must agree, are most generous, sir." explained the 'Hawkman', sipping his 'Corrallian Birchbark Beer'.

"Most generous. What's the catch? 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' is not known for her generosity, sir. What does 'She' want in exchange, sir?" growled the pirate chieftain.

"A most trifling thing, sir. You will turn over to me and my 'Hawks' a gentleman named 'Time Traveler', sir. That's it." answered 'Eagle-Eye', helping himself to some 'sand dollars'. The strange 'Ranni' woman guffawed. 'Khan' sighed.

"Gladly would I do this, sir. However, he is no longer aboard this vessel, 'Kommodore'. You may search the ship if you do not accept my word, sir." said 'Khan'. The rest of his bridge crew nodded their agreement. Their 'guest's eyes flashed fire- literally!

"Where is the little weasel, sir? I demand that you tell me immediately, dammit!" he swore. It was his first use of profanity since he had come aboard.

"Acting on orders given me previously, he has left for 'Shimougou', sir. He left several solar days ago." replied 'Khan'.

"Orders given by whom, sir?" snarled the 'Hawkman' angrily. 'Ranni' fingered her blaster.

"Stop that, 'Ranni'. Our 'guest' is here under a flag of truce. At least, no harm shall befall him aboard the 'Bay'. I have given my word, child. In reply to your query, sir- the orders came from 'Lord Vicious'. I am almost certain sure that he was acting on orders of either 'Zorin Oakenshield' or 'Carracticus Davros', sir. I can tell you no more, 'Kommodore'. More beer?" replied 'Khan', speaking softly.

"No, thank you, sir. In that case, I suppose- OK. Here. This tube contains all of the maps and charts and the log of 'Captain Flint' that were promised to you by 'Mr Davros', sir. You have acted in good faith. I do have your word as a gentleman that you will leave this world during the next 'gravity well window'?" asked the 'Hawkman' and 'Khan' nodded.

"You have my word, sir and thank you. However, how did you-" asked the puzzled smuggler.

"Your former villainous superiors- 'Oakenshield', 'Cybre Leader' and 'Carracticus Davros', their 'Daleks', 'Gundammites' and 'Cybre Men' are safely in our custody. As we speak, 'Lord Vicious' and his co-horts are being arrested. The best of luck on your 'galactic treasure hunt', 'Lord Khan', sir. Adieu. Nice meeting all of you. Goodbye." said the 'Kommodore', saluting everyone in turn.

"I hope that all goes well with the 'Kommodore'. Perhaps we should just go and see-" suggested 'Flight Lt Oriole'.

"You heard the orders, Lieutenant. We wait here and that's an order." replied 'Sub-Kommodore Scarlett Tanager'.

"Say! This river water tastes like fine aged wine! Try some, man!" said 'Flight Sapper Whippoorwill' and the other two took a swig from his canteen.

"Having a party in my absence, 'Scarlett'?" chuckled 'Eagle-Eye' who was dragging his cloak loaded with their weapons behind himself. "Your toys, children. 'Whip'? You will remain behind and make sure that 'Lord Khan's vessel departs this world as promised. I have ordered him to remain 'visible' until he leaves this world of 'Victorine'. My! This is damned good water, man! We should load up a few kegs of this stuff before we leave for home. That'll be your job, 'Orry'. OK. Let's get back across the river and report to Her Nibs." commanded the 'Kommodore'.

"So? Where's 'Time Guy', Love?" asked 'Scarlett' who was also 'Eagle-Eye's fiancee. He hastily explained things to her and then they both lifted off, following 'Lt Orry'.

"Aha! About bloody time! A 'mind send' from my cousin at last, 'Kommodore'." announced 'Scarlett Tanager' moments after she and her superior 'Hawk' had 'touched down' in front of the 'command hut'.

"And?" prompted 'Eagle-Eye' eagerly.

"And 'Her Majesty' and the rest of our 'Mongo' forces will be here before 'daytime', sir." replied his fiancee.

"Things appear to be looking up, 'Scarlett', to paraphrase that ancient Earther TV commercial about psychics in the Western United States way back in the early 21st Century. Hmmn. I wonder what 'Lord Vultan' has been doing, Love?" chortled the 'Kommodore' and his 'Number One' officer silently pointed a gloved forefinger towards the 'new city' across the river.

"He's where the food is, Darling. Where else would you expect to find the fat 'pigasaurus'?" giggled the 'bird girl'.

"Careful, Love. It is our fearless leader to whom you refer. A little respect, 'Sub-Kommodore'." laughed her groom to be. "Whom do you suppose this 'Time Traveler' person to be, dear? 'Lord Khan' seemed very anxious that he was well rid of the fellow." wondered 'Eagle-Eye', allowing his bride to be to precede him inside the huge quonset hut.

END of Chapter 6. Chapter 7 'The Rescuers Arrive' or 'Shimougouan Emergency' to follow soon, we hope. Now that 'Hall-o-we'en' is almost upon us, your storytellers are going to take it easy for a spell. Not to worry though. In one of the next few chapters, we'll be bringing you the first 'Dark Night of Soewyn' ('Sowl'-'When') celebrations from 'Victorine' and 'Shimougou'.

For those of you who are anxious to see how the 'Angels' celebrated this holiday way back in the 22nd Century before then, just find yourselves a copy of the 'Original Dirty Pair' OVA- the 10 eppy series- and watch Episode Two. Don't miss the rooftop cafe 'fly-by' when Yuri quips 'Sorry, we cannot drink and fly' to 3WA Chief 'Ella' (Hathaway) which annoys Kei who is already pissed off at having to work the holiday evening in the first place! This eppy is available for free viewing on both YouTube and Hulu as well as unless you are fortunate enough to snag a copy of this rare OVA.

Hi folks. 'Scarlett Tanager' here. Don't miss the next thrill-packed chapter in which you will discover the identity of my dear 'cousin' who hails from 'Mongo'. Oh and 'Johnny Gage', 'Roy deSoto' and 'Hank Stanley' asked (ordered!) me to remind everyone that this is fire prevention week (9-15 October) so do your bit to prevent fires. Bye.- 'Scarlett'


	7. Ch7'TheRescuersArrive'ShimougouanEmerg

Victors of Victorine

Chapter 7 'The Rescuers Arrive' or 'Shimougouan Emergency'

Hullo! My name is 'Scarlett Tanager' and I am a Sub-Kommodore in the 'Sky City Flying Corps'. Yup! I'm a 'Hawk'. I'm here on this cool new world with my 'cousin'. Well, she'll be here by tonight I hope. In the meantime, I've been asked by a tall redheaded lady who is a high ranking officer- a Supreme Marshall, no less- with the 3WA- to read some legal jazz which must be read before each and every sharing of vidfiles and vidlogs of the 3WA so here we go.

First, we wanna thank all of our friends whose Creations we have been graciously allowed to use especially Mr Haruka-San Takachiho (His birthday is 7 November so happy birthday to him) without whose Angels and other characters, the 3WA just would not be here, folks! And anyone who wants to may use our own OC's and other Creations so long as we are given proper credit for their usages. Now on with the show! Take it away, 'Kommodire Eagle-Eye'. By the by, the 'Kommodore' is my fiancee and probably one of the greatest 'Hawks' in the entire corps.

As you can well imagine, the news that this 'Time Traveler' character had slipped through our fingers was not received very well by the 3WA folks. Their anger turned to worry, if not sheer terror, when I told them that 'Lord Ashka Khan' had allowed the 'Traveler' to borrrow a shuttlecraft and fly to the 3WA's home world of 'Shimougou'.

"Just a few damned hours? We missed the blighter by just a few hours? What can we do now, Bob?" asked 'Flight Lt Alvin Newkirk', formerly of the Terran RAF in WW II Germany where he had been part of an elite undercover saboutage group posing as POWs in 'Stalag 13', the 'escape-proof' prison camp where he had been a mere lowly corporal.

"What the Hell are ya askin' me for, Alvie? I'm new to the 3WA same as the rest of us. Orders, 'Gally'?" replied 'Brigadier Robert Hogan' who had been the saboutage group's leader and a Colonel in the USAA.

"Don't look at me, 'Hogan' baby. Her Nibs is here now and she outranks everyone. What do we do now, Boss?" asked 'Lady Galatea Prydonia', the 3WA's temporary Commander on 'Victorine'.

"We re-route 'Molly' ('Eastwood-Kelly') to 'Shimougou'. Damned shame that 'Khan' didn't tell 'Eagle-Eye' where on 'Shim' the little pest is headed." growled the Amazon redheaded firebrand Hellcat, the Supreme Marshall of the 3WA- despite her youthful age of mid 20's. "Hey, 'Kinch' ('Flight Lt John Kinchloe' was a former staff sergeant and the WW II group's radioman and comm relays expert), send a coded signal to whatever ship 'Molly's commandin'. Send her to-" added the Boss Lady.

"Send the lass to 'Elenore City'. That's where 'Traveler' is heading. The Western part of your world is sparsely populated and will be easier to conquer. Of course, the fool does not know that the coup has already been busted, mum." said 'Khan' who was standing in the opened portalway.

"Thanks, pal. You heard the man, Johnny. Make it so. And hurry it up, man." growled the Boss. "What are you doin' here, Pirate? I thought you'd be gone by now. That 'window' will be gone soon." she added quietly.

"I need flight orders to prove that I'm no longer a fugitive from justice, 'Reds'. If that's OK with you, mum?" answered 'Khan'.

"OK. 'Gally' will handle that for ya, kid. Stay outta trouble and best o' luck on yer treasure hunt, Pirate. (She glanced at her wristchromo). Ya got exactly fifteen solar minutes to clear this world- otherwise, all bets are off, boyo. Sayonara." replied Keirran O'Halloran. 'Gally' quickly tapped a few keys on a PDO unit and tossed it to 'Ashka'.

"There's yer travel orders and proof that you're no longer wanted by anyone. Same applies to your co-horts. Bye." said the 'Gallifreyan' beauty. He saluted and left for his ship. 'Khan' was running! 'She' meant what 'She' said- always.

"Cap? 'Molly's only a half a day out from 'Shim's outer markers. She should make 'planetfall' by morning, ma'am." said 'Kinch'.

"What do we do in the meantime, ma'am?" asked 'Flight Lt Andrew Carter', 'Hogan's demolitions expert and a former top ranking NCO- a platoon sergeant- way back when.

"Pray?' suggested 'Bill Shade' and his face was grim.

"So 'Vultan' has disobeyed my orders and deployed his 'Hawks' and has already reached 'Victorine', my dear?" asked 'Varin', the newly coronated King of Mongo.

"Yes, my Love. Aha! Cousin 'Scarlett' is 'mind sending' me that our 'Hawks' have captured 'Zorin', that evil son of 'Davros' and that horrible 'Cybre Leader' creature. Oh my! 'Vicious' put up a damned good fight, but he was finally subdued and arrested by 'you-know-who'. Ah. It seems that 'Lord Khan' is content with that ancient 'vidstar chart map' and 'log' that points the way towards the 'Flint' treasure trove. Apparently 'Flint' was a pirate on ancient Terra, dearest husband. So, he'll be off on his 'galactic treasure hunt' now that all charges aginst he and his men have been dropped and all bounties against them have been cancelled. Cousin 'Vultan' has discovered a strange new delicacy called 'chili'. Given my cousin's voracious appetite, he and his 'Hawks' will not be coming home anytime soon, my darling." replied 'Arabella', 'Varin's wife and the new Queen of Mongo.

They were both aboard the 3WA 'flagship vessel', the 'Lovely Angel 4' under the able command of 'Starfleet's own 'Commodore Kiva Nerese' which was heading for 'Victorine' with their fleet of starships to back-up the 3WA forces.

"Outer markers in sight, mum." announced 'Warrant 3 (jg) Lilly Langtry', the new helmsperson. She was on loan to 'Starfleet' from 'MSC'- 'Minerva Star Command'.

"Thanks, Lil. Steady as she goes, 'Mr Checkov'. By my reckoning, we are only an hour or so out from 'Vic's inner markers. We should make 'planetfall' well before morning or 'daylight time' as they call it on this world. 'Danzig', you have the helm. I'll be in my quarters should you need me." said 'Kiva'.

'Sub-Commodore Alexis Danzig' was 'Kiva's new exec. Her new 'Number One' had recently been transferred from the 'ENSF'- 'Earth Naval Space Fleet' to the 3WA. 'Kiva' had had to call in quite a few favours to acquire him since 'KASP'- 'Kaguran Air & Space Patrol' had also wanted this talented officer on their payroll.

"By your command, mum." replied the 'Cyborg' officer. If truth be told, he was smitten with the young 'Starfleet' beauty and vice versa. They had been dating for the last monthlet and he was about to 'pop the question' to her this weekend. Perhaps they could be wed before they returned to 'Shimougou'.

"You heard the lady, 'Mr Checkov'. Steady as she goes. Keep a sharp watch for stray asteroids, 'Warrant 3. I don't feel like using 'Smugglers' Ravine' to get through 'Bison Fields' if I can help it, Lil." drawled 'Alexis' who was being coached in Texas twang accents by 'Marshall Han Solo'.

"Aye, sir." replied 'Lilly'. 'Alexis' accepted a mug o' java from the ship's new 'yeoperson' (Like an old-fashioned Terran secretary similar to 'Miss Della Street', 'Mr Mason's assistant), 'Ensign Melanie 'Mel' Bush' who was taking a much needed 'vacation' from her journeys with the 'Leprechaun' (Doctor #7).

'Alexis' smacked his lips and smiled. 'Much appreciated, 'Ensign Mel'. I really needed that drink. Many thanks, my dear child." said the 'Sub-Commodore' who was picking up bad habits from 'Mr Peabody', the obnoxious male Chauvinist pig white doggie who served as logistics and strategies officer to the 3WA.

"You're quite welcome, sir. Um- you- forgot to sign my 'vidlog' for our last shift, sir. If you don't mind-" replied 'Mel'. 'Alexis' grinned and winked at her (Courtesy of that naughty Samurai warrior, 'Mugen'!) before tapping in his personal 'vidcodes' and 'signing' her PDO unit.

Seating himself in the command chair, 'Alexis' crooked a forefinger at the vessel's new 'science officer', 'Commander Zog', a 'Romulan' defector who was responsible for 'borrowing' the technology that allowed starships to 'cloak' the same way that 'Romulan Warbirds' and 'Klingon Birds-of-Prey' starships could accomplish this major miracle.

"You summoned me, sir?" asked the young 'Romulan' who was now a 3WA officer and highly respected by all hands.

"Have we heard from our 'spy' on 'Rom' yet, 'Antares'?" whispered 'Danzig'.

"Not since his last 'mind send', 'Al'. I'm worried. If her true identity is ever discovered, my niece is dead. Perhaps it is time-" whispered 'Antares Zog'. 'Al' put a finger to his lips and nodded his head towards the ship's ready room office. "5 minutes, my friend. Feign a headache and meet me in the office." whispered 'Al'. 'Antares' nodded and then put a hand to his head and began moaning.

"Damned bloody headache! Permission to leave the bridge, sir? I think it will pass if I rest a bit, sir." he asked, saluting. Apparently, 'Rom' required military courtesy salutes aboard vessels. The 3WA did not. 'Al' pretended to be reading over rhe 'vidlogs' and merely waved 'Zog' off the bridge.

"I mean it, 'Al'. I'n worried about 'Fanella'. I think that we should pull her out- now." said 'Antares' a few minutes later in the ready room. "As soon as we reach 'Vic'. Surely she can hold out for a few more hours, 'Antares'? We must know if 'Romulus' is supporting us, our enemies or is standing neutral. After that summit meeting, we'll know for certain sure. Then we'll get her out. 'Vic' is within 'transporter' range of 'Romulus'." replied 'Al'.

"What if 'Rom' jams the 'transporter' beams? What then?" demanded 'Antares' angrily. 'Al' stared at him with his 'Sharingan Eye' implant before giving his answer. "Then 'Bortok' (The Saiyaan 'Z Fighter') will whisk her away using his 'instantaneous transmission' powers. Do not worry, my friend. I love 'Fanella' as much as you do. Are we all not 'blood siblings'? Our 'sister' knew the risks before she agreed to go undercover for the 3WA, 'brother'. You need a glass of the Boss's 'special stock' Irish whiskey and so do I." said the 'Cyborg', pouring out several 'fingers' of the 'golden elixir' for both of them.

"That's good booze, man! And- Wait! An incoming 'mind send'. 'Fanella' says-" shouted 'Antares' excitedly. "I know. I can 'hear' her as well. 'Romulus' and 'Remus' are staying neutral. Quickly! To the 'transporter room'! We must get her outta there- now!" yelled 'Al' and they both dashed for the lifts.

"Damnation! I knew it! They are jamming our 'beams'." cried the 'Romulan'.

"This is 'Sub-Commodore Danzig', commanding the 'Lovely Angel 4'. I am trying to reach 'Lord Bortok', 'Lord Vegeta' or 'Lord Goku'. This is an emergency! We need an 'instant transfer' for someone from hostile territory behind the 'Neutral Zone'. A matter of life and death! Can anyone hear me, dammit?" yelled 'Al' into his comm badge.

"Hi. 'Suba Bulma Brief' here. 'Bortok' and 'Goku' are offworld, but my husband, 'Lord Vegeta' has just left to rescue 'Lady Fanella'. By the time you make 'planetfall', she will be safe. You have my word, sir. Brief out." Both 'Al' and 'Antares' breathed a sigh of relief and had another snort and each lit up a cheroot.

"Thank you, my 'brother'. 'Fanella' and myself are all that is left of the 'Zog' Clan. Those 'Romulan' butchers have slain the rest of our Clan. Perhaps you should return to the bridge? I will be fine- now. See you at 'planetfall' tomorrow. G'Night." said a relieved 'Antares Zog'.

"Another fine mess we have gotten ourselves into! What are we to do now? 'Gon'?" whined 'Leorio' who was now a licensed 'Hunter' as were two of his three compadres- 'Gon' and 'Kurapika'. 'Killua' had failed the 'Hunter Exams'. After 'rescuing' their friend 'Killua' from his assassin clan family, the three 'Hunter' friends- 'Killua' had been disqualified for killing a fellow combatant in the 'Hunter Exams'- had decided to take 'Killua' as far away from his homeland as they could get him because, by defying his clan and choosing not to be an assassin anymore, a 'bounty' of ten million 'Barsakks' had been placed on the poor kid's head!

"Where are we anyway?" asked 'Killua', his 'skateboard' under his arm. His three pals had bought themselves 'flying scooters' and the quartet had just entered a spooky forest several thousand miles from 'Mt Kami' where 'Killua's clan had their vast estates.

"Wherever we are, guys, I sure don't think it's 'Gradaland', man. Look." replied 'Gon', pointing towards the overcast sky.

"I wasn't very good at astronomy in school, so- correct me if I'm wrong- Earth has only one sun and one moon, right?" said 'Leorio' who wanted to be a medical doctor.

"Nor was I, 'Leorio', but I have never seen more than a single sun and a single moon in the skies." agreed 'Kurapika'.

"OK. Then how come I can see 'two' suns and 'seven' moons?" asked 'Gon'.

"Not only that, guys. How come we can see all of those suns and moons in the daytime?" demanded 'Killua'.

"Because we are no longer on Earth, boys. It's the only explanation that I can divine." said 'Kurapika' who had just climbed a juniper tree for a better look-see.

"But, how could that happen, guys?" asked a puzzled 'Gon'.

"Because of a little pest named 'Time Traveler', boyos. Do not be afraid. Like the others of my race, I am a 'telepath'. I am also a 'time lady'. My name is 'Romana'- 'Romana Mandlinkova Caldy'. You are on a world called 'Victorine'. At the other end of the forest which you are now in, you will find our 'colonists' staging area'. I will be awaiting you in the largest 'quonset hut'. You cannot possibly miss it. It's the building with '3WA' painted on it in big red letters.

"Simply walk 'through' the portals, excuse me, doors and walk to the opposite end of the long corridor to the doors marked '3WA HQ Offices' and pull the 'Klaxon chimes'. Since you did not come through the 'Continuum', we should be able to send all of you back home soon. Take care and beware of the 'wild steed beasts' and 'jacaronda wildcats'. Again, please excuse me for trespassing within your minds. 'Caldy' out."

The voice in their minds ended as suddenly as it had begun!

"Now what?" moaned 'Leorio', the crybaby of the group.

"We keep going. What other choice do we have?" replied 'Kurapika', hopping on his 'flying scooter'. 'Killua' placed his 'skateboard' on the ground and stepped aboard it. It lifted a few inches off the ground and he sped off. The others hurried to catch up with the former assassin boy.

"Well, this looks like the place. Pretty damned big 'hut', guys. OK, how do we walk 'through' a door?" asked 'Leorio'.

"Hey! It's a 'hologram door' of some kind, guys! C'mon. Follow me." crowed 'Gon' whose hand had just passed 'through' the 'door'. Once they were inside the 'hut', they walked along the long wide hallway all the way to the massive 'doors' at its terminus.

'Leorio' put down his suitcase and pulled the 'klaxon chain'. "Come in, 'Mr Leorio', sir. Do not fear. Come in, 'Mr Gon', 'Mr Killua', 'Mr Kurapika', sirs. We do not bite, I assure you, gentlemen." said the same voice that they had last heard within their heads.

"Greetings, gentlemen. Welcome to 'Victorine'. You have been made the unwitting victims of a cruel 'experiment' by a cunning little pest named 'Time Traveler' who has been slipping through our fingers for the last several monthlets. Your pardons I beg! I know you, but you do not know me. I am 'Romana Caldy'- call me 'Romy'. I hail from a nearby world- 'Gallifrey' and I am a 'time lady' as well as being a 'telepath'. That is why I was able to 'visit' your thoughts, gentlemen.

"I am also a 'Brigadier' in the 'Worlds' Welfare Works Association'- the '3WA' for short. We are the intergalactic police force, well, one of them anyway and we are by far the largest. Our jurisdiction spans a dozen galaxies or so. You four, correction, three gentlemen, are licensed 'Hunters'. 'Mr Killua', unfortunately, failed his final exam and is not yet a 'Hunter'.

"No, 'Mr Gon', this is not 'Gradaland' on your home world. This world's nearest neighbour is Mars. Even so, Mars is a good solar week's voyage from here being as it is several hundred 'lightys', 'light years', from us. However, other explanations can wait. You all need food and rest. 'Scarlett' will take you to your suite and get you some food and beverages. Please go with her. Oh, do not be afraid. Despite her wings, she is not an 'Angel'. 'Scarlett'!" said 'Romy' and the tall silver-haired 'Hawk' flew into the office and landed in front of the huge desk. She crashed her gloved right fist across her left breast in the strange 'Galactic Salute' before nodding to the four newcomers.

"Mum! 'Sub-Kommodore Tanager' reporting as ordered, mum!" she bellowed and the four guys were amazed that such a young woman had already achieved such a very high military/police ranking. Peeping above her winged shoulders was the golden hilt of some kind of sword. Strapped to either hip was a holstered pistol while bandoliers criss-crossed the battle armour on her chest.

"Wow! A 'bird lady' just like that superhero babe 'Birdie' in that 'manga' book that I found in that old haunted house, 'Gon'." whispered 'Killua'.

"That was not a haunted house, 'Killy'. It was merely a 'sounding board' for certain 'manifestations' from other 'planes' of existence and-" explained 'Leorio', the 'big brain' of the group.

"Ye gods! He uses big words like 'Johnny' the archaeologist does when 'Doc Savage' visits us!" said 'Hawk Girl' Helena, pouring out java for the four newbies. "Take your java and go with 'Scarlett' and no wisecracks about 'Tara' either, guys." added Helena, ostensibly referring to the fictional Earther Southern belle 'Scarlett O'Hara' and her 'Tara' plantation.

"C'mon guys. You're with me. By the by, I am not a 'bird lady'. I am a 'Hawk' and a proud member of the 'Sky City Flying Corps' and almost the highest ranking flight officer on 'Mongo' as well. No, 'Mr Leorio'. I am already engaged to be married." said the 'Hawk', scaring the Hell outta the wanna-be medico.

"It would seem that 'Gallifreyans' are not the sole possessors of 'telepathic' powers." observed 'Kurapika'.

"Quite correct, young sir. Almost everyone in this time era possesses some form of 'mind send' although the 'Beta Zoids' have the most developed of these powers. The 'Vulcans' who can 'mind meld' come in a close second, 'Mr Kurapika'. Ah, here we are. Gentlemen, your quarters. This is a 'replicator'. Just ask it for what you want and it will be 'replicated' for you. I will demonstrate. 'Tea. Rose Hibiscus. Hot'. See?" explained 'Scarlett' when the requested cup of tea appeared by magic.

"There are more things betwixt Heaven and Earth-" quoted 'Kurapika' and their guide smiled.

"A reader of the Earther 'Bard', I see. 'Then are dreampt of in our philosophies'." replied the 'Hawk', finishing the quote.

"Darn it. My cousin's ship has just passed the 'inner markers'. I'm afraid that I gotta fly, boyos. If you need anything, just ask 'Artok' for it. Bye." she said and then she took to the air and was gone.

"Hmmn. This world is certainly a lot different from ours, guys. Brrr! A lot colder too!" said 'Leorio' who was busily exploring the 'suite' of rooms allocated to the four friends. "Hey! The closets and bureaus are loaded with clothes- in our sizes too! It's almost like they knew we were coming and prepared for it, man. I wonder how they got our sizes right?" added the wanna-be medical man.

"Simplicity itself, young gentlemen. Your arrival on our world and in our time era was recorded as were your 'holographic images' from which I was able to determine your measurements. Forgive me for startling you. Call me 'Artok'. No, you cannot see me. I am an extension of the 3WA's computer programming unit. I saw 'Mistress Scarlett' demonstrate the 'replicators' for you so I will not need to show you how to operate them.

"Those items on the table that resemble your home world's 'cellphones' are 'vidcells' and operate in the same manner. Rather limited range though- only a few hundred 'light years' meaning that you can call Mars or 'Kagura', but not much farther. The bands for your wrists there are 'wristchromos' and operate in the same manner as do 'wrist watches'. Those 'brooches' are 'comm badges' and they are used for communications. Simply speak into the 'aether'. The small gadgets at the end of the table are 'PDO' units and operate like Earther 'tablets', 'eReaders' or 'Smartphones'. They are used for everything here.

"Are there any questions, young sirs?" said 'Artok's voice and 'Kurapika' pointed to the wall chromo which showed time, day, date, monthlet, season and solar year.

"Is that clock accurate, sir?" he asked.

"Of course, young sir. Accurate to within a few 'nano-seconds' every century. Ah, I see. Yes, this is the year AD 2260 and this is the 23rd Century. I fear that your own home world is very far away from here indeed- several hundred million 'lightys', what you would call 'light years'- separate 'Victorine' from 'Terra', your own 'Earth', 'Mr Kurapika'. Anyone else have a query for me?" replied 'Artok'.

"Can I enroll in medical school while we're here?" asked 'Leorio'.

"Not on this world, young sir. However, there are excellent colleges and universities on 'Shimougou', Mars and 'Kagura'. Oh yes- tuition is free. You may begin now if you like. Your 'PDO' unit contains everything you will need and that device over there that resembles a magician's 'wand' is a 'medical tri-corder'. Complete instructions for its usages can be found in your 'PDO' unit." explained the voice.

"When can we go back home, sir?" asked 'Killua'. The poor former assassin kid was homesick already.

"That answer is not in my memory banks, young sir. I suggest that you ask someone in authority here. Now, I must leave you because I am being summoned by another of our 'displaced persons'. If you need anything else, just ask. Ciao." said 'Artok' and then there was silence throughout the suite.

"We have a living room, parlour, study, dinette, kitchenette, six bedrooms, six bathrooms, a sunroom, a games room, a trophies room and a big library too, guys. I dunno about you, but I wouldn't mind staying here instead of going back to our world." said 'Leorio'.

"I must admit that these are better accommodations than what we have been getting of late." agreed 'Kurapika'.

"I'll miss the 'Hunter Exams'." said a tearful 'Killua' who'd been looking forward to passing next year's exams and joining his three friends as a licensed 'Hunter'.

"The 'holodeck' rooms can easily recreate anything that you like, any place that you like, young sirs." said 'Nico Robin' who was standing in the open portalway of the suite's main sitting room. "Where are my manners today? I'm 'Nico Robin' and I'm a 'Subaltern' in the 3WA. It is time for dinner and I have been sent to guide you to the dining hall. 'She' is most anxious to speak with you and, perhaps, figure out a way to send you back to your own home world and time era. Please follow me." said the tall brunette wearing a black and wine-coloured uniform.

"After you've eaten, I will show you around the compound. That is, provided this snow squall doesn't get here first. By the by, 'Mr Kurapika', 'Mr Gon' and 'Mr Killua' are now 'Sub-Ensigns' in the 3WA and 'Mr Leorio' is now a 'Second Lieutenant' on our force. Your new uniforms will be waiting for you after you have finished your tour. Oh yes- it is winter here, not summer so it might not be a bad idea to dress a mite warmer before we begin your tour. Here we are. After you, gentlemen." said 'Robin', standing aside to allow them to precede her into the huge dining hall.

After dinner, 'Robin' took the newbies for a tour of the main HQ building. Then she waited in the sitting room while they changed into otdoor togs before she took them on a hasty tour of the 'staging area', 'motor pool' and the other 'quonset huts' before she flew them for a visit to 'Stalag 13'/'MASH 4077th' across the river. She had been forbidden to take them to the new city until the weather improved.

'Robin' stood atop the 'well' in the stalag camp and pointed towards the 'high-rises' in the distance. "That's 'Victoria City', boyos. This is as close to it that I'm allowed to take you until the blizzard's over. (She pointed over her shoulder) That's 'Mt Peabody' and the home of our guardian 'Djinn', 'Gladius Ahura Mazdan'. You'll meet him soon enough. (She glanced at her wristchromo) Almost 1900 hours, seven PM and you four have a meeting scheduled with the Boss. We'd better go because 'She' does not like to be kept waiting. Back aboard the 'sky sled', please." said 'Robin'.

On the short flight back, she pointed out the river, lake and the new reservoir which provided water to the new city for the colonists. 'Robin' 'touched down' expertly and slid to a smooth stop outside of the 'motor pool'. They all piled out and followed their new guide- not back to the HQ 'hut', but towards the 'spaceport tower'.

"Where is this 'Boss' of yours, 'Miss Robin'?" asked 'Gon' and she pointed a gloved forefinger at a huge multi-tiered 'parking lot building' a few hundred metres away.

"She's aboard her 'flagship' making a few last minute corrections before she 'lifts off' tonight, guys. 'Lovely Angel 5', Level 1311, Northeast Sector, Berth 117-XX, please." she replied after they had boarded the lift. They were whisked upwards so abruptly that 'Leorio's face turned green when he glanced out of the lift's window and saw how high up they were!

'Robin' spoke into the 'aether' as they approached the immense starship which looked to the boys' eyes like it was at least a mile long and half as wide! It was. "I say- 'Suba Nico Robin' reporting as ordered, mum. I have our guests with me. Five to beam aboard. (She turned to the boys) Don't be scared, guys. Just stand as close to me as you can. It'll all be over in a few seconds." said 'Robin' just before they all began to shimmer and 'dematerialize' only to 'rematerialize' a few seconds later aboard the ship.

"How's tricks, 'Ari'? Long time, no see, kid. Where's the Boss?" asked 'Nico Robin'.

"In her 'ready room'. You know the way, right? Hullo there, boyos. We've been expecting you. Welcome aboard. Name's 'Ari'." replied 'Sub-Subaltern Ari' the former 'Elf Huntress' who now served as the 'transporter officer' on the ship.

"About time you showed up, dammit. I ain't got a lotta time, kiddies, so I'll be brief. With all of our TARDISes offworld at the moment, you gents won't be goin' back home anytime soon. Don't fret none though. I'm certain sure that 'Gally' and 'Romy' will find you guys somethin' to keep ya busy. Oh yeah and I'm 'Kei O'Halloran'. Call me 'Kei' or Boss. That's all I got fer ya. We're liftin' off in five minutes, so unless ya wanna free ride to 'Minerva', I'd get off my ship, boyos. Dismissed." growled the redheaded Amazonian firebrand Hellcat who was one of the highest ranking officers in the 3WA despite her young mid-20's age.

"Yes, mum. Thank you, mum. Follow me, boys." said 'Robin'. When they were almost back at the 'transporter room', their guide grinned at them. "By the way, that was the 'Supreme Marshall' of the 3WA and our Federation." she added.

"But, she's just a kid, man!" yelped 'Leorio'. "And what about me, sir? I'm barely ten years older than the Boss and I hold a rank between a major and a colonel. Youth is not considered a detriment to promotion in the 3WA. It's results that count, not protocol, 'Mr Leorio', sir. Get us off quickly, 'Ari' and have a nice voyage to 'Minerva'. Catch ya on the flip side, man." chortled 'Robin'.

While they were walking back across the airfields, 'Robin' glanced up at one of the many 'wall chromos' affixed to the buildings on the compound. "You guys old enough to drink? It's just 'Synthenol'- artificial alcohol, but it still packs quite a wallop your first time. "I'm 25 so I'm old enough, 'ma'am. How about you guys?" replied 'Leorio'.

"We all like milkshakes, ma'am. Right, guys?" said 'Gon'. 'Kurapika' and 'Killua' nodded eagerly. None of the trio was anywhere near legal drinking age- legal on Earth, that is. They'd no idea what the legal age was on this new world. "Same as it is on 'Terra', guys. C'mon. There's a new place over by the West Gate. It ain't far so let's walk." suggested the tall brunette and they all agreed.

"Wow! A hundred and ninety-eight different ice cream flavours! Thanks for bringing us, 'Miss Robin', ma'am." crowed 'Gon' while they were looking over the 'vidmenu' set into the booth's table at the newly opened 'Victorian Creamery' ice cream shoppe and tavern. In the end, both 'Leorio' and 'Robin' opted for shakes rather than liquor so the 'little ones' wouldn't feel left out.

"Thank you for a most enjoyable evening, 'Miss Robin', mum." said 'Kurapika', kissing her hand like a Cavalier.

"Please! You make me sound like an old maid, 'Kurapika'. Just 'Robin', OK, guys? G'Night. Someone will come for you in the morning. I wouldn't recommend wandering around the halls though. You might wind up in a restricted area and get in trouble so restrict your sleep-walking and midnight strolls to your own suite. Hmmn. You'll find your new uniforms have been laid out for you when you get up tomorrow. Sleep well, boyos. 'Night." she said, the portals shooshing closed behind her.

"Holy moley! Have you guys seen the beds yet? I can't remember the last tme I got to sleep in a real bed, man! I got the green room, but there are still five bedrooms left for the rest of ya." crowed 'Leorio'.

"Will you shut up, 'Leo'. We're trying to watch television. Look! They get the same channels we get back home, man!" yelled 'Killua'.

"That library is something else, guys. The 'manga' section is loaded with rare titles. I may not go to bed at all tonight." sighed 'Kurapika'.

"Ya gotta check out the game room, guys! They got video game titles I never even heard of before!" shouted 'Gon' excitedly.

"Well, I have to admit that 'Leorio' may have the right idea after all. Being 'marooned' here wouldn't be too bad after all. Yes, 'Killy', I know. We are all 'Hunters' and you want to join us. However, you can practice on those 'holiday decks' that 'Miss Robin' told us about and you'd be all ready to pass the 'Hunter' exams next year when you get back home." observed 'Kura'.

"Ya mean IF I get back home to take it, 'Kura'. That Boss didn't sound all that confident to me. Hush! I missed this episode of 'One-Punch Man' when it was on last month. Pow! Down goes that monster! Anybody want some popcorn?" replied 'Killy'.

"No shower for me tonight! You guys have just gotta see these bath rooms! Golden bath tubs the size of fish ponds! Ooh! Bubble bath crystals too! That settles it! Do what ya like. I'm staying! 'Miss Galatea' said that they have a hospital in the new city and they need doctors. I can help the sick and injured here just as well as I could back in 'Gradaland'. 'Night." said 'Leo'.

An hour later, the squawkboxes came alive, scaring the Hell outta poor 'Leorio'.

"Attention! For those of you who are interested, we will be having a Hall-o-we'en get together this weekend. There are plenty of costumes or you may 'rep up' your own. Please let 'Nico Robin' or 'Mr Gilligan' know if you plan to attend. Thank you and please forgive this late announcement. This is your President speaking. That is all. Good night."

Allison Poe-Prydonia's voice ended as unexpectedly as it had begun. 'Leo' turned over and went back to his dream of becoming the greatest surgeon in the world. 'Killy', 'Kura' and 'Gon' eagerly began to discuss possible costumes. They were still at it in the morning when 'Leo' walked into the kitchenette and began to make breakfast for them.

"I wonder if they'll have games like 'Bobbing for Apples' and stuff?" wondered 'Leo'.

"Ghost stories too?" asked 'Killy'.

"The scarier, the better!" shouted 'Gon' from the bath room.

"Perhaps there will be some Hall-o-we'en films on TV?" suggested 'Kura' who had downloaded a scary fanfiction story to his PDO unit and he was almost totally engrossed in it.

"Yes to everything and more, guys. G'morning. Afraid you'll have to eat your breakfasts in a hurry today. You have a 'vidmeeting' with 'Mr Garner' at ten hundred hours. That's ten o'clock AM. Oh- and it's formal so wear your new uniforms that 'Artok' has laid out for you. Please hurry." said 'Robin'. She was standing in the open portalway and today she was 'dressed to the nines' in her 'dress blacks' complete with gunsash, holster and ion cannon. Atop her brunette locks sat a saucer cap with more braid on it than 'Gon' remembered seeing on that fat 'general' that they had met in 'Kuraskot City' last week.

"Yes, it's formal for me as well, 'Gon'. Sorry. I keep forgetting that 'mind send' and 'mind speak' are new to you boyos. Better get used to it because almost every female and a good many of the males here on 'Vic' are 'telepaths'. I'll be back to get you guys in half an hour- at 0930 hours, half past nine. That way 'Allie', 'Romy' and 'Gally' can 'brief' you before 'Mr Garner' comm relays us at ten. Please be ready and please leave your suitcase here, 'Leo'. Nobody's gonna steal it. Ciao." said 'Robin' and then she was gone.

The three 'Sub-Ensigns' and the 'Lieutenant' were sitting on the divan waiting when the 'suite klaxon' chimed and the portals slid aside when 'Robin' returned. A brisk walk to the huge 'office' where 'Allie' welcomed them warmly and pointed them to chairs. 'Romy' poured each guy's beverage for him without being asked. 'Gally' became spokesperson.

"I've heard from 'Gallifrey', my home world which is HQ of us 'time ladies and lords'. Until further notice, all TARDIS travel is restricted to space travel only so you guys won't be going home again anytime soon. I understand that at least one of your party has expressed a desire to remain here with us. 'Lt Leorio'? Have you changed your mind? ('Leo' shook his head) Fine. Then I'll only be ferrying you three boyos back home, eh? OK. I must ask you this. How exactly did you arrive here? What I mean is- where were you on your world and in your time era before you noticed that you were no longer on 'Terra'- what you call 'Earth'?" asked the 'time lady', igniting a cheroot with a snap of her gloved fingers which made 'Gon' fall out of his chair.

Before he could stand up, his body was wafted upright and reseated in his chair. "Be more careful, 'Mr Gon'." said 'Allie' who had reacted instinctively and used her 'kinetic' powers on the lad. 'Kura' cleared his throat.

"Mums, we had just entered a huge forest somewhere in the Southern provinces near 'Gradaland'." he replied.

"That was when I saw the two suns and all of those moons, man!" shouted 'Leo'.

"When can we go back home, 'Miss Galatea'? 'Gon', 'Kura' and 'Leo' are already 'Hunters', but I failed the exams and I can't become a 'Hunter' unless I pass 'em." moaned 'Killy'.

"Pshaw! We could make you a 'Galactic Hunter' by 'Thanksforgiving Day' if that's your only reason for going back home." chortled 'Romy'.

"Ditto for you three as well. I am sure that you could all pass our 'GH' exams with flying colours." said 'Allie', pulling her PDO unit towards herself and poising her nimble fingers over the keyboard. "Just one form or do we need four?" she added.

"Um, how much does one of your 'Galactic Hunters' make anyway? We make-" asked 'Kura', rapidly punching in an Earther amount of currency with six figures. 'Allie' smiled and tapped in a figure beside his.

"In Earther currency terms, this would be your salary." she replied. 'Killy', 'Gon' and 'Leo' crowded around to read over 'Kura's shoulders and 'Leo' whistled. "Not even an Earth doctor of the first calibre makes that much in a year!" he crowed.

"That is not a yearly salary, sir." said 'Romana'.

"Quarterly?" asked 'Gon'.

"Monthly." explained 'Gally', grabbing hold of 'Gon' before he fell out of his chair again.

"Did I hear someone mention our 'Galactic Hunters'? Don't tell me that we have new 'trainees' for that job?" laughed the mustachioed face on the vidscreen which was peering myopically at them through thick-lensed spectacles.

"Mr Garner! My apologies, sir! I was just 'briefing' our newest 'guests' about-" said 'Allie', but he waved her back to her seat behind her huge desk.

"Afraid that I have bad news for all of you on 'Vic'. We just missed nabbing 'Time Traveler'. However, he did bring a few of our old friends forwards in time to your time era on your world. The 'spies' are 'totally' back with their boss, 'Jerry Lewis' and 'GLADIS'. Yes, he brought all four of 'em again. Sam, Alex, Clover and Mandy are back with us. However, they are currently somewhere in the 'new city' out there. This was the last 'bearing' we had on them, 'Allison'." said 'Mr Garner' who was the 3WA Territorial Sector Chief HQ'd on 'Shimougou'.

A 'holographic map' appeared in the 'aether' above the desk with a winking red illuminator indicating the girls' last known location in 'Victoria City'. "Hmmn. Near the new 'CourtHouse'. I'll send out a search party at once. Damn! Pardon my profanity, sir! Our 'trackers' are all offworld with 'Molly', sir. Whom can I send?" asked 'Allie'. 'Garner' grinned.

"My dear child! ('Allison' looked like a 17 year olf schoolgirl, but, in fact, she was 130 in earther years!) You have three licensed 'Hunters' and a 'Hunter' in training. Why not send them with our 'Nico Robin' as leader? Excellent practice for the 'GH' exams which begin next monthlet, don't you think? By the way, is 'She' still there?" asked a worried TSC.

"No, the 'Supreme Marshall' (Keirran O'Halloran) left last night for 'Minerva', sir. A capital idea, sir. If the young gentlemen are willing? (Four smiling faces gave her the answer to that query.) Fine. We'll send them out just as soon as you have spoken with them, sir." replied a beaming 'Lady President'.

"Oh, I think that my prattle can wait a bit, my dear. Best you get them kitted out and on their way as quickly as possible. Nice meeting you, 'Mr Gon', 'Mr Killua', 'Mr Kurapika' and 'Mr Leorio'. I hope that we can all become good friends. 'Garner' out."

The vidscreen went blank and 'Robin' stood up, tapping each of the 'Hunters' on the shoulders. "Let's be on our way, boyos. It's OK, mum. Everything we need to know is on my PDO unit. I'll comm relay 'Miss Street' on my vidcellphone in the meantime and see if anyone over there has seen 'Peck's Bad Girls' and 'Mr Lewis' and that lady computer of theirs. Come on, 'Leo'. We'll pick up your 'black bag' before we leave. You can't go 'hunting' in 'dress blacks', can you? With your permission, mum?" said 'Robin', saluting.

"Of course. Best of luck, my girl. You as well, gentlemen. Dismissed." replied 'Allie', returning her salute.

Within the hour, the five new friends were jetting towards the new city and the last known 'touch down' position of the 'spies'. 'Leo' had held them up by 'repping up' everything he needed for his 'medical bag' separately, much to the annoyance of 'Gon'. All of them were dressed in fur from head to toe and armed with sidearms, plasma rifles, laser sword hilts and 'stun' grenades. In addition, 'Kura' carried a 'stasis' gun since he was the best shot of the four 'Hunters'.

"We'll land on the CourtHouse roof, guys. 'Miss Street' will meet us there and we'll see if any of our 'legal eagles' have noticed anything unusual in the last hour or so." said 'Robin', sliding to a smotth stop in the already knee-deep snow on the roof. 'Gon' was the first one out and he searched in vain for a 'mooring rope' or anything to secure the 'sky sled' to the roof.

"Tell me something, 'Gon'. On Earth, do you tie your cars to a lamp post when you park them?" chuckled 'Robin'. He replied in the negative while 'Kura' and 'Killy' unloaded their rucksacks and weapons. They all buckled on their gunsashes and 'Robin' demonstrated how to check their weapons' 'actions'. 'Leo' helped 'Gon' and the others with their rucksacks and then allowed 'Kura' to fit his own onto his back before he picked up his 'black bag' and slung his rifle across his back.

There was a howling 100 kph wind gusting and it was bitterly cold. No 'weather shield' over the city yet. A short brunette waved to them from the open portalway of a 'lift' and they hustled over to join her. Once they were all aboard, 'Della Street' told the 'lift' to take them to the 'legal counsel conference room' and down they went.

"Have any trouble getting here, 'Robbie'? What with the storm and winds, 'Perry' and 'Paul' were worried when you told us that you were flying over here. Hi there, boys. I'm 'Della Street', 'Mr Mason's private secretary. Call me 'Della'. 'Paul Drake' will be accompanying you on your search. He knows this city better than any of us Earthers do. Here we are. Everybody out. First door on your left. I'll get 'Paul' and join you there in a few minutes." said the very business-like legal assistant.

"About time they got here, 'Beautiful'. It was a damned tom fool idea to fly over here in a blizzard! 'Perry' and 'Becky' are working on those briefs for the first trial next week. I told 'Mae' that she couldn't join us, so-" explained 'Paul'.

"So- she's already warming up a 'speeder' on the 'docking bays', isn't she?" laughed 'Della'.

"OK, as I understand it, our newest 'visitors' are 'city folks'. That means that they'll try and find shelter from the cold. In the remote area of our new city where we last picked up their 'blips', that leaves only the shell of the new 'spaceport terminal' closest to them. I say we start our search from there. Who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky. 'Perry'? Here's my report with everything I could find out about 'Mr Zorin Oakenshield'. OK, let's go, kids." said the tall tough-looking blond guy with 'Della'.

"Back to the roof again, man? My aching feet!" whined 'Leorio'.

"No. The basement. Coming, 'Beautiful'?" chortled 'Paul'. 'Della' shivered and returned to her filing.

"No thanks, 'Paul'. It is absolutely frigid outside. I froze my giblets off waiting for these guys in an open 'lift' upstairs on the roof. Besides- 'Mr Mason' needs me. You know what would happen to this office if I left him alone in here for five seconds." giggled the brunette who was wearing a very business-like dark pantsuit.

"Yes, 'Paul'. I'm just a doddering old codger like 'Hamilton Burger'." chuckled the greatest defense lawyer in the Universes.

"Hey! I resent that remark, Counselor and I object to it." said the tall dark-haired assistant district attorney of 'Victoria City' who had just walked through the open portalway. "I was going down the boulevard to 'Moretti's' for lunch, but then I looked out of the window. I'll stick to the cafeteria instead. Aha! New clients, 'Perry'? What are they up for? Did 'Arthur' ('Lt Tragg' the police homicide detective form Terra) catch them playing 'hooky'?" he added sarcastically. The 'Hunters' were not amused. 'Leo' walked up to 'Hammy' and took his pulse and stuck a thermometre in his mouth.

"We are here to search for four young ladies, their father and their housekeeper, sir. They are lost in this storm, sir." explained 'Kurapika' much to everyone else's amusement. Even 'Hammy' had heard 'Mr Garner's 'vidconference' comm relay signal and knew all about the 'spies', their boss and 'GLADIS', their 'walking lady computer'.

"Let's go! Follow me, 'Robbie', guys. 'Mae' should have my new 'speeder cruiser' warmed up by now." said 'Paul'.

"Who's 'Mae'?" demanded 'Gon'. "The 'Blonde Bomber'. We call her 'Kitten' although her real name is 'Minnie Mae Hopkins'. She's a 'bounty hunter' from Earth's 20th Century Chicago. She's half of the 'Gunsmith Cats'. Her partner's 'Rally 'Cat' Vincent'. Rally's combing the streets for our missing kiddies in her 'Shelby Cobra'. We're wasting time! C'mon!" added the private eye.

"Took ya long enough, 'Mr Drake', sir. Pile in, guys. No! I'm piloting this time, 'Mr D'. You promised!" yelled the short blonde. "Be careful back there, guys. That 'nitro's pretty touchy even in this cold." said 'Mae', easing her foot off the airbrakes. Then 'Paul Drake's size 14 boot crushed her foot to the floor, jarring them to a halt.

"What 'nitro', 'Missy'? This is a 'search only' mission, not 'search and destroy'! Get that 'nitro' out of this 'speeder' right now!" yelled the tall detective. 'Mae' pouted and her face began to turn blue. "That won't work with me, kiddo. Ya kin hold yer breath from now until doomsday and I could care less, dammit. Lose the 'boom booms' and I mean now, girlie." he ordered.

"OK. It's all back in the storage lockers. Satified, sir? Can I 'lift off' now?" whined the blonde, cute in her new white jumpsuit.

"Go ahead. We're going to the new 'spaceport' tower on the other side of town. Got it? Good. No speeding either." said 'Paul', strapping himself in and checking that 'Robbie' and her 'Hunters' had done likewise. Then the 'speeder cruiser' slipped through the 'air lock' portals and lifted away into the 'aether' at a serene sedate 'Point 2.75 Warp'- dead slow- a mere few hundred kph.

"Well, what now, 'Sherlock'?" asked 'Mae' after tower control had assured them that there had been no sightings of the 'spies'. "Comm relay 'Cat' and see if she's seen anything." ordered 'Drake'. "Nope. 'Rally' ain't seen nobody yet." replied 'Mae', hanging up her vidmike. "She has not seen anyone yet." corrected 'Kurapika' automatically and 'Mae' stuck her tongue out at the young Earther.

"Cruise around the neighbourhood first. Everyone keep yer eyes and ears open. Depending on how they're dressed, they could freeze to death in this cold in just a few minutes." said 'Paul' off-handedly, freezing the blood in their veins. For the first time, the dangerous seriousness of their mission occurred to all of them. Even 'Mae' stopped whining.

"I'm frigging COLD!" whimpered 'Mandy' for the umpteenth time in ten minutes.

"We're ALL cold, 'Mandy'. I don't remember 'Shimougou' being this cold the last time we were here. How about you, 'Clover'? 'Sammy'?" replied 'Alex'. Like her companions, 'Alex' too was wearing a very skimpy 'bikini' bathing suit and beach sandals under a smelly greatcoat.

"What are you girls complaining about? You, at least, have tops! I was whisked away in my gym trunks! A damned good thing that 'GLADIS' managed to locate that old prison camp where we found these old 'Luftwaffen' greatcoats. I wish that we'd found some cleaner ones though. These stink to high heavens." grumbled the older guy with a pencil mustache and iron-grey hair. 'Jerry Lewis' was 'WOOHPS' sector chief for 'Alex', 'Clover' and 'Samantha', his 'spies'. 'Mandy' was their 'Beverly Hills High School's fellow cheerleader and a royal pain-in-the-whatsis.

'GLADIS' (An acronym for 'Gadget Lending And Distribution Interactive System') was their 'walking lady computer friend' whose 'voice' was as sweet as honey and on a par with the likes of the 3WA's 'CC' and 'ARTOK'. Without her assistance, they might already be 'totally dead' which was how 'Clover' and 'Mandy' felt right now.

"Why'd ya hafta drag me along on yer crazy adventures again, darn it?" whined the brunette beauty and then 'Mandy' started to cry- again.

"Fer Christmas's sake, will you shut the Hell up, ya little brat? I'm hungry!" snarled the blonde 'spy', 'Clover'.

"Take it easy on her, 'Cloey'. We're all in this together after all. Strange. I'm not getting a signal reading at all." observed their leader, the red-headed 'Sammy'.

"If we are on this 'Shim' place again, that 'cellphone' of yours is really out of range, 'Sammy'." chortled 'Jerry', sneezing and wiping snow out of his eyes.

"But, this isn't a 'cell', 'Jerry'. It's 'Mr Steigel's 'vidcellphone' that he loaned me when we were on 'Kagura' during that horrible football game and those awful golf matches. It should reach 'Kag' or Mars at least. Maybe it's this storm. Here, 'Cloey'. I've got one of those old 'K rations' candy bars left. Split it with the others. Hey! One's missing, man!" yelped 'Sammy'.

"Eh? What one's missing, dear girl?" asked a perplexed and shivering 'Jerry Lewis', sneezing again.

"Look!" yipped 'Alex' and the brunette pointed skywards. "I remember that 'Shim' had 'three' suns. I only see 'two', guys! That's why 'Sammy's 'vidcell' won't work. We ain't on 'Shimougou' at all! We really are lost, man!" sobbed 'Alexandra' until 'Sammy' slapped her across the jaw- hard. "Thanks, 'Sammy'. I needed that. Sorry." added 'Alex', drying her eyes with her sleeve. "Yuck! I'm all sticky! Hey! Where'd this wall come from? Wonder what's inside it?" asked 'Alex'.

"Who cares? It's shelter, ain't it? Maybe we can find some decent clothes! Where's the darned old door, man?" whined 'Mandy' and 'Jerry' put a fatherly arm around her shoulders and steered her towards what looked like a door. The snow was falling heavily and was now waist deep and the winds were terrific. The cold cut through cloth and skin like a surgeon's scalpel. 'Mandy' was crying steadily now and so was 'Clover'. They all huddled around the 'door' while 'GLADIS' manipulated the portal controls.

"Number of party, please?" asked a voice. "Six. Four female. One male. One machine." replied 'Gladdy' in her sweet cultured female voice. "Entry approved. Please come in." said the voice and the 'door' 'dematerialized'!

"Gangway!" yelled 'Mandy', tossing off 'Jerry's arm and dashing inside the warm structure. 'Jerry' (always the gentleman) stood aside to allow the 'spies' and 'Gladdy' (This outing she resembled 'Marlene Dietrich'- a buxom blonde with a 'Marilyn Monroe' voice) to precede him inside. Then he too entered quickly.

"Destination?" demanded a heavier husky female voice. "Earth?" suggested 'GLADDIS'. "There is an indeterminate delay on all voyages to 'Terra' until further notice." replied the voice. "Is there a darned hotel or motel in this rotten dump of a town?" shrieked an impatient 'Mandy' who was cold, shivering, hungry, embarrassed and angry.

"1207th Level. We will be happy to accommodate you, Madam." replied another voice and the wall behind them opened- a cleverly concealed 'lift'. Their 'ride' took all of sixteen seconds. A genial smiling 'Orkite' was waiting to greet them. "Howdy do. Name's 'Mork'. Aha! I see that you have stayed with us before- in our 'Moravian City' (Mars) branch some years ago. Welcome to 'Hotel Viktor Borge', 'Mr Lewis', 'Miss Clover', 'Miss Alexandra', 'Miss Samantha', 'Miss Gladys', 'Miss Mandora'." said the tall gawky guy with orange hair.

"Um, 'Mandora'? Pretty name, my dear. So nice to be remembered, sir. Do you have a room for us?" asked 'Jerry' politely. 'Mandy's face was beet red. She hated her full Christian name. It was supposed to have been 'Pandora', but the 'Beverly Hills Hospital's computer had transposed the first letter on her birth certificate when she had been born back on 'Terra'.

"A 'room', sir? Certainly not, sir! The best 'suite' in the hotel. You are in the 'Flamingo Penthouse', sir. You will find suitable clothing and a 'replicator' in every room. Please follow me to the 'updraft shaft', sir, Mademoiselles." said 'Mork', leading the way to a strange looking 'transparent cylinder'. Gingerly, 'Jerry' and 'Gladys' stepped inside the 'shaft' and- Whoosh!- Up they went followed by 'Sammy', 'Clover', 'Alex' and- finally- 'Mandora'. 'Mork' had hold of the crybaby's hand for the short trip.

After demonstrating all of the modernistic stuff in their suite, 'Mork' tossed their smelly greatcoats into a 'recycle chute'. His eyes popped when he saw the four girls and the 'older lady' in their swimsuits. However, he said nothing and bid them a cheery good afternoon.

"I want FOOD!" screamed 'Mandy' into a 'repper' unit. 'Sammy' placed an order for five for a large luncheon which appeared instantly. Then they 'chowed down' greedily. Afterwards, they each chose a bedroom/private bathroom and changed into warm clothing. 'Jerry' was relaxing with a cigar and a drink and reading a 'holopape' by the cheery fireplace. The girls were watching vidTV and 'Gladys' was singing 'Lilly Marlene' in the shower when the suite's 'klaxon' chimed.

Thinking that it was room service, 'Jerry' called out. 'Come in. It's not locked."

"Trusting soul, aren't ya? Do ya know how long we've been looking for you guys?" growled 'Paul Drake', collapsing into an easy chair and lighting a cigarette. 'Jerry' poured him a drink and 'Paul' apologized for his cranky manners. Then 'Paul' yanked out his comm badge. "Call off the hunt. We found 'em. Huh? The 'Hotel Viktor Borge'. Yeah. In the new 'spaceport' complex. They don't seem any the worse fer wear. They're in the 'Flamingo Penthouse' suite on Level 1207. Might as well come on up. From the looks of that storm out there, we ain't going nowhere today. Ask 'Mork' if we kin have the empty suite across the hall. See ya, 'Robbie'." said 'Paul', pocketing his comm badge.

"The 'Orker' says OK, 'Paul' so I've already sent the 'Hunters' and the 'Cats' after our gear. Did ya see that blizzard outside? And those winds are murder on my 'hands' and 'wings'." grumbled 'Robin' a few minutes later when she walked into the 'Spies' suite.

"Surprise! I made hot cocoa and cookies for us. Well, the 'repper' thing did anyway, but it's the thought that counts. Right, 'Gladys'?" said 'Jerry Lewis' who was passing out mugs of hot chocolate and trays of cookies. 'Robin' took her warm mug gratefully, but passed on the cookies.

"Nope, this'll be fine, 'Jerry'. Now that I'm back on a surface world, I gotta watch my weight. In space, ya kin eat and drink what ya like and never gain a milligram, ya know? Different story down here though. One can actually gain weight more rapidly on this world than you can on 'Terra'. I'd bear that in mind, ladies. Don't pig out unless you're on a , here come our wandering troubadours now. Still snowing, guys?" said the 'OnePiece' pirate woman.

"Better believe it, 'Robbie'. Luckily, my 'bag' has lots of cold medicines in it. 'Rally' and 'Mae' both have the sniffles and 'Killy's been coughing up a storm if you'll pardon my little pun." replied 'Leorio', the wanna-be doctor.

"I sure hope we get back in time for the Hall-o-we'en costume party, 'Rally'. I'm dying to try on the new costume that I bought on 'Kagura' last week." said 'Mae' and 'Rally' grunted. "I sure as Hell hope that the snow don't get into my 'superchargers' on the 'Cobra', man. I think she might need a tune-up." growled the older 'Gunsmith Cat'.

"Good news! The vidradio weather gal just said that the storm will be over by tomorrow's 'sunsrise'. So- we can all go back home in the morning. 'Robbie', I just made arrangements to rent another 'sky sled'. 'Mae' can pilot it back home and somebody kin ride back with 'Rally'. I promised 'Alley Cat' that I'd make sure that our 'Hunters' and 'Spies' all got back safely. I'll return the rental sled myself. Best thing we can do now is to get a good night's sleep. It'll be a long flight home tomorrow. Let's go, guys. We're across the hall. 'Night, everybody." said 'Paul Drake', ushering the 'Hunters' and 'Cats' and 'Robbie' to their own suite.

Next morning, bright and early, 'Paul' strolled down to 'We Rent 'Em' and rented a standard sized 'sky sled' for 'Mae' to use to fly the 'Spies' group back to the other side of the planet. He would fly their own sled back home while 'Robbie' would pilot her own skysled with the 'Hunters' while 'Rally Vincent' flew her own 'Cobra' back home. 'Paul' would fly the rental sled back tomorrow and 'Mae' would pilot his sled back to the city.

'Allie' was happy to accommodate everyone in the huge 'quonset hut' and 'Killua' was very surprised when he was told that he had been accepted into the upcoming 'Galactic Hunter Exams'. However, he was very grateful as were his three friends.

"Thank you so much, ma'am. Guess the four of us will be training together?" asked 'Killy'. 'Gally' smiled.

"Here ya go, guys. These are your temporary 'Galactic Hunter' licenses. You'll get the permanent ones next monthlet. 'Mr Galadriel' personally approved your 'GH' licenses when he heard that you had already passed your Earther 'Hunter Exams'.

"Great! Uh- who's this 'Mr Galadriel' guy?" asked 'Leorio'. 'Robbie' replied 'God' offhandedly while she was pouring java.

"Huh?" chorused the 4 'Hunters' together.

"She means 'Uncle Vito', kids. He's the 'God of the 3WA'. It's just a nickname." explained 'Jerry Lewis'.

"Yeah. You guys are really special if 'Uncle Vito's lettin' ya skate through the 'GH Exams', man." said 'Clover' who was toasting marshmallows in the fireplace.

"Yup. 'Sammy', 'Clover' and me took those darned old 'Hunter Exams' and flunked 'em. 'Course, we were sent back home a few days later, man. How long we gonna be here this time, 'Robbie'?" replied 'Alex' and 'Robin' shook her head.

"Beats me, 'Al'. There aren't any TARDISes onworld just now and 'Allie' thinks that the 'Doctors' and other 'time jockeys' will be tied up for a few more monthlets." explained 'Nico Robin'.

"Ya got that right, kiddo. Mine and 'Romy's are back at 'Gallifrey' in the repair shop." agreed 'Gally'.

"What about 'Madam President's conveyance? Couldn't she ferry us back to LA?" asked 'Jerry Lewis', helping himself to more cookies and Skotch.

"Lent it to 'Bulma'. She's off 'dragon ball' hunting again. No, you folks are stuck here on 'Vic' until summer. Do not despair. I am certain sure that we can find something to keep you occupied." laughed 'Allie'. The 'WOOHP' girls and their boss were not amused.

"Sure thing, ma'ams. We can always use more babysitters for the Walkers and-" suggested 'Mae'.

"I'm hungry." whined 'Clover'. 'Sammy' grinned and pointed to the 'repper' on the table. She was busily braiding 'Glady's 'hair' into a 'bob' style. 'Alex' was now engrossed in a new 'vidnovel' on her PDO unit and 'Jerry' was chatting on his 'vidcellphone' to 'Professor Edward Challenger'.

"That must have been a harrowing experience for you, 'Kome', 'Sherlock' and 'John'. When will you be arriving here, Ed?" said 'Jerry'. 'Eh? Tomorrow afternoon? Great. Then you chaps won't miss our 'Hall-o-we'en Fancy Dress' party. Sorry. I must dash. My best to everyone. Bye." added 'Jerry', putting down his 'cell'.

Meanwhile, on the other side of 'Mt Peabody' which the 'colonists' had yet to explore, a most unusual group had just arrived.

"Kiva! Where the Sam Hill are we, man?" grumbled 'Jamie'. "Yeah, man. Where in the wide worlds are we, Honey?" added 'Goat Smith' who was peering through 'MEGAS's 'eye slits' which were really 'vidcams' so what he was seeing was what 'MEGAS' was 'seeing'.

"Nope. This world ain't on the 'vidstar charts' that we 'borrowed' from 'Federation' HQ, Darling." said 'Coop' who was co-piloting 'MEGAS'. The tall blonde pilot/navigator of the 'BGR' (Big Giant Robot- 'MEGAS' was a huge 'Gundam-like' structure which had been adapted for inter-stellar galactic travel) grimaced at 'Coop's 'male Chauvinist' slur.

"If you morons would shut the Hell up for five bloody minutes and let me think, I might just be able to fathom our location. OK?" snarled the very upset and quite angry girl pilot from the future. Little did 'Kiva Norell' realize that this time era was her own! They had landed on 'Victorine' in the 23rd Century which was when 'Kiva' had first become lost in a 'time vortex', winding up in a small suburban town on Earth in the Eastern US state of New Jersey- circa 1988.

That was where she had found 'Coop', 'Jamie', 'Goat' and her 'BGR' 'ship', 'MEGAS', which was an acronym for 'Mechanized Earth Guard Attack System', which she had inadvertently landed in 'Coop's back yard. 'Coop' had been tinkering with it along with his friend 'Jamie'. They had scrounged up parts for the 'BGR' from another friend's junkyard. Thus 'Goat Smith' had joined their team.

"Hey, man! Looks like we found that new planet, man! The one those guys at 'Fed' HQ were yakkin' about. They're 'colonizing' it after it was 'terraformed' using that 'EDEN Seed' thing." crowed their remaining passenger.

'Selena Usagi' was aka 'Sailor Moon' and they had picked her up when the poor schoolkid had become separated from her school's 'field trip' to an asteroid. Poor 'Moonie' had been left behind and, against her better judgment, 'Kiva' had said OK when the guys had offered her a 'lift'. That had been six months ago- as near as she could reckon- and 'Moonie' was still aboard 'MEGAS' with them.

"You know where we are, 'Selena'?" asked an astonished 'Kiva' who had no idea how 'Moonie' knew so much about space travel. "Sure. This has gotta be 'Victorine' and that must be 'Mt Peabody', mum. Look! Ever heard of any planet whose suns and moons were all visible at the same time? Twin suns and a slue of moons. Can we go explorin', mum, huh, can we- please?" pleaded the 12 year old.

"Breatheable atmosphere, 'Kivvy'." supplied 'Jamie'. "Maybe we'll find them 'colonists', Honey." suggested 'Goat'. "Better get yer 'snuggies' on first and some cold gear. Temp reading outside is close to 14 below zero Fahrenheit, 'Kiva'." said 'Coop'.

'Kiva' knew when she was beaten so she gave orders for everyone to get bundled up good and warm. She thanked her lucky stars that the boys had 'liberated' several sets of 'Mithril' underwear from that 'pirate vessel' that they'd pillaged a few weeks back. These 'Elfin' garments were as light as a feather yet as strong as steel and warmer than flannel. According to a guy they'd met in a 'Corrallian' beer garden, 'Mithril' could turn aside a bullet or an energy blast better than a bulletproof vest!

"Don't forget your 'Mithril' undies. I'll be ready in five minutes, guys. You'd better change too, 'Moonie'. Five minutes, guys. We'll rendezvous at the aft hatch." ordered 'Kiva'. She and 'Moonie' changed quickly and met 'Coop' and 'Goat' at the hatchway. 'Jamie' was late as usual, but he had brought their backpacks, gun sashes, weapons and canteens and quickly distributed them to all hands. Even 'Moonie' got a small 'stasis' pistol.

"No shooting unless we have to, guys. Understand, 'Coop'? Good. Let's go." said 'Kiva', leading the small party through the rear hatchway and down the long ladder to the new world's surface. The wind almost blew her off the ladder and she and the others clung tightly to the metal rungs until- at long last- they felt solid ground beneath their deck boots.

"Damned shame that 'Jamie' and 'Coop' lost our 'shuttle' in that poker game last month, 'Kivvy'. Looks like it's 'Shank's Mare' for us today. Wow! This cold is brutal, man! Which way now?" yelled 'Goat', trying to be heard over the roaring of the solar winds. "Yeah, too bad. Doesn't seem to be anything around here. Guess we shoud try the other side of the mountain. With those winds, we can't climb the damned thing. Guess we'll just have to skirt it, guys. Take my hand, 'Selly' and hold on tight. You guys better link hands. 'Jamie', grab hold of 'Selly's other hand. OK, don't let go- no matter what. Follow me." shouted 'Kiva', pulling her muffler over her mouth and nose and adjusting her goggles. In their white parkas, they resembled a family of polar bears from those ancient Terran soda pop commercials.

Holding hands and squinting to see against the terrific solar winds and blinding sleet, the little group of visitors stumbled into 'Stalag 13' close to midnight. Suddenly-

"Halt! Who goes there?" yelled a sentry who was wearing a beige two-piece tailored skirt-suit and black high-heeled pumps! 'She' leveled a plasma rifle at them and poked poor 'Kiva' in the midriff.

"Sorry, ma'am. We seem to be lost. Our, uh, 'ship' is docked on the opposite side of the mountain. We mean you no harm, Miss." explained 'Kiva', raising her gloved hands in surrender and signing for her friends to do the same.

'It's 'Mister', lady. 'Lt Maxwell Q Klinger', ma'am. You guys had better come with me. The 'brigadier' may want to queston ya. Follow me." said 'Klinger' and he led the way to the 'Kommandant's office where 'Brigadier Sherman T Potter' was filling in for 'Kommandant Klink' who was off on some fool mission with 'Hogan' and his pals.

"What is it, 'Klinger'? Shut that damned door! I'm freezin' my whatsis off. Oh, beg pardon. Pardon my French, ma'am. Please sit down. 'Klinger'! You're not in our army anymore so why the dress?" asked 'Potter'.

"Old habits are hard to break, Colonel, uh, Brigadier, suh. I'll 'rep up' some java and hot food fer the newbies, suh." replied 'the 'lady' who was really a guy. He scurried off and 'Sherman' picked up his 'vidphone'.

"I'll have our 'orderly' find you folks sleeping quarters. Jest a sec. That you, 'Shade'? Good. I have five tired people who need billets, son. Eh? I know it's after midnight. Get yer keester over here- on the double. Thanks, 'Bill'." said the man from ancient Terran 'Missouri'.

'Gladius Ahura Mazdan', our resident guardian 'Djinn' reduced himself to human size and walked into Potter's office.

"How many times must I tell you people not to leave your toys lying around? You have a gigantic 'mechanical man' on the other side of the mountain. It is blocking my cavern's back door and I want it removed immediately. I do not wish to be cross with you, 'Brigadier Potter', but it rankles me when my simple requests are ignored and I am treated in such a Cavalier fashion, sir." said the angry 'Djinn', pouring tea for himself. 'Kiva' cleared her throat.

"I am afraid that we are the guilty parties, sir. I landed 'MEGAS' on your doorstep as it were. However, until this storm lifts, I cannot possibly move our 'ship'. 'Commodore Three Kiva Norell' at your service, sir. My 'colleagues' are 'Coop' Webber', 'Jamie Davis' and 'Goat Smith' and this is 'Selena Usagi', my 'cabin girl', sir. And now, if you don't mind, we would like to retire. It has been a most harrowing day, 'Brigadier', sir." said 'Kiva' and her companions agreed.

"About time ya got here, sonny. Folks, this is 'Bill Shade'. 'Bill', please find suitable quarters for our guests. After you've done that, come back here. I have a little job for ya, son. Dis-Missed." ordered the 'Brigadier' who'd been through three wars before he'd arrived on 'Victorine'. His 'MASH 4077th' US Army unit had been plucked from the winter of 1952's 'Korean Conflict' on Terra and transported here to 'Vic' by 'Time Traveler' several solar weeks ago. His 'MASH 4077th' unit and 'Stalag 13' POW camp from Terran Germany's 'World War II' were sharing the base of 'Mt Peabody' with 'Hogan', 'Klink', 'Burkhalter' and 'Potter' taking their turns at being the 'CO' for both military units.

"Follow me, ladies, gents. Better bundle up warm. Our 'weather barrier' has been malfuntioning tonight. It's colder than a witch's bum outside. Ready? OK. Let's go. 'Night, 'Brig'." said 'Bill Shade', tossing the older fellow a galactic salute- right fist across left chest.

If possible, it felt even colder to 'Kiva' than it had felt earlier that night. 'Moonie' kept sneezing and crying all the way across the compound to the strange looking thing that 'Bill' called a 'sky sled'. They all piled aboard the strange conveyance, 'Bill' snapped the top shut and lifted off into the teeth of the storm. They were tossed about like rag dolls until 'Jamie' and 'Goat' had managed to get all hands strapped into their seats. The solar winds still tossed the tiny craft all across the 'aether' until after what seemed like an eon, but was only ten minutes, 'Bill' 'touched down' in the 'motor pool' opposite 3WA HQ's 'quonset hut'. He hustled them inside the huge building and quickly led the way down a long hallway. He stopped at a portal and waved his hand across the control panel. The portal slid aside noiselessly and he led them into an immense sitting room.

"This is your sitting room, that's the dining room, there's your kitchenette, library and study through those doors. This suite has eight bedrooms, each with its own bath room. At the moment, you five are this suite's sole occupants. You will be called in the morning. You need have no fear of anything happening to your 'MEGAS ship'. As I speak, it is being 'tractored' to our new city's 'spaceport tower'. We try not to upset our 'Gladdy' too much if we can help it. He's our guardian angel, uh 'Djinn'. 'Reppers' throughout the suite. Nice to see ya again, 'Miss Usagi'. Don't be surprised if you and 'Miss Norell' are pressed into service as babysitters or waitresses. You three gentlemen may get called up for 'KP duty'. By the way, 'Miss Usagi'- this world is a week's voyage from 'Shimougou' which you know quite well. Your friends may remember our 'home world' as well. Well, get a good night's sleep. You'll be awakened at 'sunsrise'. 'Night." said 'Bill' and they were left alone in their new temporary home.

"I told ya, Chief. This ain't 'Dariabar VI'. This woild ain't even on the 'Galactic Compendium' fer cat's sakes. Hey! That looks like new 'terraformin', man! Oh no! This must be 'Victorine'! Ya know, Boss. The 3WA's new home for their stranded strays? I hoid they was colonizin' it, but I thought fer certain sure that was supposed to be next year! You would get us to swipe a 'cruiser' without no 'cloak' on it, man. We'll be settin' ducks on the surface! Wait a sec. How about behind that big old mountain?" said 'Seymour Shadarack' to his 'boss'. The pair had just escaped from 'Orgutang VII' in one of the outer quadrants. 'O 7' was a prison planet for repeat offenders and it was under the joint commands of the 3WA, the Intergalactic Space Command and the Inter Solar Systems Police.

"Well, we sure as Hades can't orbit the place until someone spots us or we run outta fuel, 'Shaddy'. Put us down behind that mountain. Maybe this damned blizzard will keep any roving patrols on the other side. Whoa! Someone else seems to be here! Looky there! A 'BGR' (Big Giant Robot) like 'Big O'. Huh? 'M-E-G-A-S'? 'MEGAS'? Didn't we tangle with that thing's spitfire pilot, 'Kiva Norell' and her band o' lunatics when we stole 'Starcrusher' a few years back? Wonder what she's doin' here? Put us down in that little forest glade behind her." ordered the 'boss', 'John Berringer', once the feared nemesis of the 3WA, the ISSP, the IGSC and even the Earthers' 'Interpol' and 'MI5'.

"OK. Only I sure as Hell hope for all o' our sakes that 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' ain't here too! And don't go all 'Khan-like' on me and start quotin' 'Herman Melville' again, man! That looks like a dormant volcano fer sure. Your 'Perdition's Flame', 'Johnny'. I'm hungry and this tub's got no 'reppers' aboard her. Good thing we picked up that floozy in the 'Bad Lands'. At least she kin cook- sorta." grumbled 'Shaddy'. 'John' agreed with his 'Number One', his only crew besides the purple-haired 'Trakken' girl who was navigating and housekeeping for them. 'John' raised his voice to a bellow.

"Yo! 'Nereid'! Fix us some supper and then try and find us a course to some neutral world or moon. Better wear something else over that wrapper, girlie. Damned cold outside, man!" yelled 'John' across the hallway to the 'nav room'. Unlike most 3WA ships, this nighmare vessel did not sport the famed 'double bridge'.

"Philly Steaks and French fries OK, 'Mr B'? We goin' ashore tonight? In that snowstorm? I'd just as soon wait here fer ya, boyo." growled the 20-something 'Trakken'. When her world had been blown to atoms during the 'Third Klonnic War', 'Nereid' had signed aboard a pirate vessel which had been taken over by 'Ashka Khan' a week later. She had jumped ship in the 'Corrallian Bad Lands' and had earned her daily bread in the gambling halls.

When 'Seymour Shadarack' had accused her of 'double dealing from the bottom', she had pulled a blaster on him. Bad move! The spry 'Galeggian' had disarmed the poor girl and taken her prisoner. When he had dragged her aboard the 'Flubber', 'John' had immediately lifted off- one step ahead of the 'ISSP's 'John Raven'. So now 'Nereid' was the ship's chief cook and bottle washer and their reluctant 'navvy'. This last duty was pretty hard since 'Nereid' had no navigational skills whatsoever.

This world had looked peaceful enough even though it didn't show on any of the star vidcharts nor the 'GC'. Now she saw that they had landed in the deepest days of a very harsh winter. The guys had given the girl a very nice bedroom with private bath room located between the kitchen galley and the 'nav room'. The closets and armoires and space chests and bureaus were full of female attire in the very best of a myriad of alien tastes. Not cheap stuff either! These two boyos stole only the very best it seemed.

"How about that dinner, 'Neery'!" howled 'Shaddy' and she hurried to the kitchen to toss the prepped steak sannis and French fries into the 'micro-blast oven' which was powered by a small 'power pack' energizing cell. For the few seconds that dinner would take to cook, she brewed some strong java and dumped a bag of something called 'chikory' into it. 'Mr B' had told her that the stuff was a delicacy and mixed well with java. Carefully balancing three trays of food and three empty java mugs on one arm, she picked up the java carafe and walked slowly up the hallway and onto the tiny bridge where 'John' and 'Seymour' relieved her of her burdens and set them down on the console.

'Nereid' poured java for them and then took her own tray and mug to the 'star room' to eat. She loved watching all of the stars, asteroids, suns and moons. This world seemed to possess two suns and several moons. She shivered when she espied the snow atop 'Mt Peabody' and remembered that she would have to bundle up before they went outside. Her suggestion of staying behind to guard the ship had been greeted with smug grins. They didn't trust the 'Trakken' one iota and the feeling was mutual. Oh well, nothing ventured is nothing gained like 'Cousin Nyssa' used to say.

'Nyssa' was an ace of a 'navvy' and she had left 'Trakken' a few years before the end of everything. 'Nyssa' had hitched a lift with that very handsome 'Doctor' guy aboard his 'police box' ship. Since then, her dear cousin had joined the 3WA and was now a fully accredited 'navvy' and pilot, holding the esteemed rank of 'Sub-Major'. Where exactly her dear cousin was at the moment was anyone's guess. With the destruction of 'Trakka', all correspondence had ceased.

Was 'Neery' worried about 'Nyssy'? Not a bit. She had almost become the 'Keeper of Trakka' until the 'Doctor' had dissuaded her and 'Auntie Florentina' had assumed the role of 'Keeper'. Sadly, the 'Keeper' is always locked into a glass cell which can only be opened when a new 'Keeper' is needed. Poor 'Auntie Flo' had perished when 'Trakka' had been atomized! 'Neery' missed her terribly, but that was all waters beneath the viaducts now.

There was a tap on the open portalway, startling 'Neery'. "Didn't mean to frighten you, 'Neery'. Just thought that I'd remind you to dress very warmly tomorrow. And you had better have this back as well. The three of us are now fugitives from the law and the 3WA rules with a Kelvinite fist." said 'John Berringer', handing the startled girl her old 'Mark VII' astro-blaster and a few spare 'power packs' to charge the weapon.

"Then we aren't going to take a chance with that storm after all, 'Mr B'?" asked 'Neery', laying her gun and ammo on a side table.

"Only if it's still going in the morning, 'Neery'. However, even now the solar winds are beginning to subside and the snowfall has stopped. I don't want to remain here any longer than necessary. However, we need 'dilythium krystalline diodes' to fuel the 'Flubber'. Perhaps we can buy some from the 'colonists'. By the by, if anyone asks, we are traveling merchants who have lost our way and landed here to avoid a pursuing pirate vessel. 'She' won't believe a word of it, of course. Hopefully, 'She' won't be on this world. Oh and my name is 'Phileas Bagby'. 'Shaddy's name is 'Kaleb Mitteran'. Yours will be 'Naomi Bagby'. You are my daughter and your 'Uncle Kaleb' is my brother-in-law. Of course, I am a widower. Think you can keep all of that stuff straight, dear child?" asked 'John' and she nodded.

"What about the ship? Anyone with eyes will know it's a 3WA vessel, 'Daddy' dear." replied 'Nereid'.

"That's why I am going to have you and 'Shaddy' camouflage it tomorrow before we go exploring. We'll dock it in one of those caverns under the mountain. Then some brush and branches can cover the entrance. Oh and- I'm a very wealthy merchant so wear your most expensive clothes and lots of jewelry. 'UniCreds' can be traced so we'll use 'gold pressed Latinium' bars for currency. In the 3WA, nobody pays for anything anyway. About an hour's hike around the mountain and a few more hours to visit and barter, then another hour's hike back to the ship and we should be gone from here before dark. Uh, any luck on finding us a nice neutral world or moon?" asked 'John'.

"How about 'Shack G'? Only a few 'parsecs' from here and a very quiet quadrant. Maybe a fortnight from here." suggested 'Neery'. "Now where have I heard that name before? Oh well, beggars can't be choosers, can they? Lay in a course for 'Shack G' and have it ready for us before we lift off tomorrow evening. 'Night." said 'John' and she sighed.

Finishing her dinner, she gathered up the trays from the bridge and the empty mugs. She stuck them all in the space age dishwasher unit and went to her bedroom. 'Shaddy' had also retired which meant that the 'Flubber' was on 'George' for the night. Choosing warm expensive clothing and valuable jewelry for the morning took less than an hour and soon 'Neery' was in Dreamland.

"Up and at 'em, kiddo! The storm's over and both suns are long up. Meet us in the 'transport room' after you've had breakfast. Shake a leg, 'Naomi'." chuckled 'Uncle Kaleb'. "OK. I'll hurry, 'Uncle', dear." gushed 'Neery', sounding like a love-struck schoolgirl. He grinned and headed for the 'transport room'.

"Everyone ready? Don't forget our 'samples case', 'Shaddy'. We're supposed to be traveling merchants. Remember? Uh, lose the suitcases, 'Neery'. We're just going to buy fuel. We ain't on holiday. OK. Here we go." said 'John Berringer' and they 'dematerialized' only to 'rematerialize' outside a few nano-seconds later.

"Brrr! It's really cold, 'Papa-San'. Watch your hands, 'Uncle Kaleb', dear. I'm not that kind of a girl!" snarled a very cold 'Trakken' teenager. 'Kaleb' smiled and told her that he was 'only playing his part'. "What's in the package, 'Papa'?" asked 'Naomi' when she saw the long parcel beside 'John'. "Why not open it and see for yourself, dear daughter?" he replied.

"Huh? Skis and poles?" wondered the violet-haired beauty. "I was gonna bring snowshoes, but that path looked too damned narrow for 'em. These'll make the going easier. Ever done any ski-ing, dear child?" asked 'John' and she grinned. 'Nereid' was an ace on the slopes and had several trophies to prove it. 'John' had first used skis on 'Gysymeo', the ice world and had become quite proficient. 'Seymour' knew how to ski, but didn't like the sport at all. However, he helped 'Naomi' to strap on her skis while she balanced herself expertly on her poles.

"Follow me. You behind me, 'Neery' and 'Shaddy' will bring up the rear. Here, tie yourself to me, dear. Now, tie yourself to 'Seymour'. Get lost in a sudden snow squall and they won't find ya until the ground thaws out in a few monthlets. Just walk behind me 'herring style' and don't try to ski. That's a three and a half kilometre drop off that cliff beside us." warned 'John'.

Almost an hour and a half later, they spotted the 'Stalag 13' and 'MASH 4077th' signs on the other side of the mountain pass. Without waiting for orders, 'Neery' unbuckled her skis and stepped off of them. She leaned them against a tree with her poles. Then she helped her 'uncle' out of his skis. 'John' leaned his skis beside theirs, added his poles and mopped his brow. The wind was freshening and there was ice in the aether. He quickly led the way to the building marked 'Kommandant's Office' and knocked on the door.

A buxom blonde yanked it open and stood there, looking over her new visitors. "More strays? C'mon in. 'Wolfie'! We got company. 'Rep' up some more java and bring in three washtubs for our guests. Heat some water too, Love. Sit down, folks. Name's 'Helga'. 'Wolfie's my hubby. We're looking after things for the 'Brigadier'." she said, busying herself with taking fresh baked bread from the antique oven.

"Thank you, Madam. My brother-on-law and I are traveling merchants. Our vessel ran out of fuel and we just managed to coast down on fumes. Do you have any 'dilythium krystalline diodes'- 'fuel cells'? I'll pay you for them, of course. Oh, forgive me. I am 'Phileas Bagby' and that is 'Kaleb Mitteran'. This is my daughter, 'Naomi'. You don't have to fuss over us, Madam 'Helga'. Just being inside where it is warm and toasty is good enough for us." said 'John Berringer' and 'Kaleb Mitteran' nodded his agreement.

"Ooh! That warm water feels so good on my poor tootsies! You should try it, 'Papa-San'!" cooed 'Naomi Bagby'. The door flew open and a tall redhead marched inside, lugging an armload of firewood which she dumped into the wood box beside the fireplace.

"Thanks, 'Revy'. We have visitors. Could you get out the butter, bitte (please)?" said 'Helga Hochstetter-Schmidt'. "Sure thing, 'Helly'. Where you guys from? 'Shim'? 'Kagura'? Mars? We're a little off the beaten track up here." said 'Revy Roberts' after the introductions had been made. 'Revy' was wondering why 'Phileas Bagby' looked so damned familiar. 'Kaleb Mitteran' she'd seen somewhere too, but where? 'Naomi Bagby' reminded her of 'Nyssa' somehow. Sure! The girl was 'Trakken'- only 'Trakka' had been destroyed during the 'Third Klonnic War', hadn't it? Still- 'Nyssa' had mentioned a cousin, a violet-maned minx vixen not unlike 'Yuri Donovan'. Could this be her?

"Got another load o' wood fer ya, kiddo. Gimme a hand, will ya, 'Miss Bagby'?" growled the 'Lagoon Girl' and meekly 'Naomi' followed the older woman outside. "Look here, kid. I know them bozos in there from somewheres and they sure as Hell ain't merchants. I have a friend, a 'Trakken' gal like you. Named 'Nyssa'. Are you her cousin? You can trust me. Not sure about 'Mitteran' and 'Daddy' dear in there. If you are from 'Trakka', you're amongst friends. Speak up, Honey." whispered 'Revy'.

"Yes, you are correct, mum. I'm 'Nereid' and 'Nyssa's my cousin. 'Mr B' and 'Seymour' picked me up in the 'Bad Lands' and I've been keeping house and trying to navigate for 'em ever since." explained the teenager. Then 'Revy' snapped her fingers.

"Now I got it! Your 'Mr B's real moniker wouldn't be 'Berringer', would it? (The girl nodded) 'John Berringer'? (She nodded again) And who's 'Uncle Kaleb'?" seethed a now angry 'Revy'. "He's our first officer and the rest of our crew. 'Seymour Shadarack's his real name, mum. They're pirates. They swiped a 'cruiser', the 'Flubber' and it's hidden in a cave on the other side of the mountain. Do you know them, 'Miss Roberts'?" whispered the frightened girl.

"In a way. I arrested 'em both on 'Gysymeo' ten years ago. They were given long prison terms and sent to 'Orgutang VII'. Guess they escaped and grabbed you for insurance. Trust me. 'Johnny' knows your cousin and I'd bet my bottom 'UniCred' that he knows you're her cousin. Grab that firewood and follow me. Don't let on that you know anything, kid." whispered 'Revy', hefting another load of wood.

"Prison? What'd they do, man?" asked 'Naomi'. "Murder and espionage- amongst their other goodies. Hush. Not a word about this stuff to anyone. I'll try and get word to my superiors as soon as I can. Whew! That's the last of it, 'Helly'. I gotta get back now. Wanna come fer a ride, 'Miss Bagby'? With your father's permission, of course." said the redhead.

"Of course. We won't be shoving off until this afternoon anyway. 'Mr Hochstetter' here has been kind enough to sell us a few spare 'fuel cells' and his wife has prepared us an excellent repast. Enjoy yourself, my dear child." said 'Phileas/John'. So far, so good. Had he recognized 'Revy'? Sure didn't seem like it. 'Revy' helped 'Naomi' into her fur parka and boots. 'Neery' made sure that she still had her small 'astro-blaster' and spare 'power packs' in her pocket. Then she followed the redhead outside to a waiting 'sky sled'. The trip back to 3WA HQ took less than ten minutes. 'Gally' recognized 'Nyssa's cousin immediately.

"Uh, 'Neery'? Is it really you? We had heard that you'd survived the blast on 'Trakka', but nobody could find you anywhere. 'Nyssa's been worried sick about ya. Oho! So 'Berringer' and 'Shadarack' are here too? Old home week. Well, I'm in command so- grab a few volunteers and get back to the camp. I hereby authorize you to place both gentlemen under arrest, 'Roberts'. Bring 'em back here and we'll lock 'em up in the brig. 'Kiva'? (The 'MEGAS' pilot was startled) Go with 'Neery'. She'll show ya where their ship's hidden. Impound it and take it to the motor pool. Better put a triple guard watch on it. Better take some 'fuel cells' with ya. 'Neery' says their tanks are dry which is why they landed here. They're lucky. 'She' ain't here at the moment. OK, ya got yer orders so blow, man!" commanded 'Lady Galatea Prydonia' and 'Revy' grabbed 'Jamie', 'Goat' and 'Coop' while 'Kiva' 'volunteered' four cadets, two guys and two girls, to accompany her and 'Nereid'.

The small 'speeder' acted as lookout while 'Kiva' and the two male cadets cleared away the brush and branches from the cavern's entrance. Then the 'speeder' flew to the 'motor pool' followed by the 'Flubber' with 'Kiva' at the controls. 'Neery' sat quietly in the co-pilot's seat and wondered where her cousin was.

"I told ya that broad was trouble, 'Johnny'! Great place to pick to land, too! Right next door to a 3WA base unit!" fumed 'Shaddy' during the short ride in 'Revy's 'sky sled' to the brig. "You were the one who wanted to escape 'O 7' with me, pal. At least, 'She' ain't here this time." replied 'Berringer'. "Thank 'Kami' fer small favours." grunted 'Shadarack'. "A damned big favour, ya mean! 'She' is trouble with a capital 'T', man!" corrected 'John'.

"OK, ''Gally'. Both of 'em are in the hoosegow. Ya better have transport sent for 'em. It wouldn't be a good idea to have 'em still here when 'She' gets back." growled 'Revy'. "The 'Flubber's in the motor pool and under triple guard as ordered, mum." reported 'Kiva Norell'. 'Nereid' had had enough stalling for one day.

"Where is my cousin, dammit? Where's 'Nyssa'?" yelled the furious 'Trakken' teenager.

"On a star-mapping mission with the 'Boss'. They're due back here in another monthlet. Relax. They'll be in 'vidcell' range tonight and you can yak to her all ya wanna." said 'Revy', yawning. It had been an awfully long damned day.

"Do ya think it's really a good idea to skotch our mission just so ya kin celebrate Hall-o-we'en on 'Victorine', Boss?" asked a nervous 'Commodore (jg) Gina Phillips' who was 'Supreme Grand Marshall Keirran O'Halloran's latest exec and 'Number One' on the Boss's flagship- the 'Lovely Angel 2'.

"Are ya kiddin', man? 'Yuri' ('Vice Marshall Donovan') and me ain't never missed a 'Scary Night' party since we were kids! And I don't see no good reason to break with tradition, 'Ginny'. Won't they all be surprised when we make planetfall, man?" growled the redheaded firebrand Amazon Hellcat.

"They'll be tickled pink- I hope." replied 'Vash the Stampede', the ship's chief security officer. His orders had been to make damned sure that 'She' stayed as far away from 'Victorine' as possible until 'Thanksforgiving Day'- and that order had come from 'Uncle Vito' himself.

END of Chapter 7. Chapter 8 'Angry Angels' or 'Reunion Rumble' to follow soon. R/R/S away and thankee for your loyalty and support- and suggestions. See ya soon!- 'Kiva Norell' & Your Friendship Team.


	8. Ch 8 'Angry Angels'Reunion Rumble'

VOV

Chapter 8 'Angry Angels' or 'Reunion Rumble'

DISCLAIMER: Hullo there, I'm 'Nereid', but everyone calls me 'Neery'. You guys met me in the last vidlog entries. While I'm waiting for 'KomShim' to put my comm relay call through to my cousin, 'Nyssa', I have been requested to read you the usual malarkey about our using other creators' works.

Ahem. We are very grateful to every creator whose creations we have used or will use in future. We especially wanna thank 'birthday boy', Haruka-San Takachiho, without whose kind permission to use the 'Lovely Angels' characters and a slue of other characters, we would not be able to bring you these vidlogs and vidfiles of our many adventures.

Of course, anyone who wishes to may use our own creations and OCs so long as we are given proper credit for their creations. Now, we left ya with a surprise heading our way for the 'Fancy Dress' Hall-o-we'en party. Poor Mr Berringer and Mr Shadarack! 'She' is on her way to 'Victorine' although nobody knows that yet.

By the way, today, 27 November, is the Boss's (Classic Lovely Angel Kei) birthday so many happy returns to her!

Let's turn the floor over to thos same 'Boss' who is aboard the 'Lovely Angel 2'. Huh? OK. 'Gally' just reminded me to tell you to hoist the storm warnings. And on with the show-

"Outer markers in sight, mum." said Kei's new exec, 'Commodore Gina Phillips'.

"Great! When d'ya think we'll reach the 'inners', man?" demanded the 'Boss'. 'Gina' did some speedy calculations on her new 'wrist-puter' before answering her.

"This afternoon- sometime after lunch, mum." replied 'Gina'. Kei beamed her a rare smile.

"Wowie! That means we'll make 'planetfall' before din din! We won't miss the big shindig after all! Just think, 'Ginny'. The galaxy's at peace again. All of the bad guys are locked up on prison planets and the brigs on 'Shim', 'Kagura', 'Minerva', Mars and even on 'Victorine' are empty! I sure don't feel like seeing 'Johnny Berringer' or 'Lord Vicious' when we land today. 'Uncle Chuckie' ('Charles Garner' was the 3WA's 'Territorial Sector Chief' and he was like a father to the 'Angels') told me that 'Time Traveler' was under wraps too. Good thing, man. The 'time jockeys' are gonna be run ragged returning folks to their own worlds and time eras as it is. See ya at lunch, kid? ('Ginny' nodded and went back to chatting with 'Vash' who was the ship's chief security officer for this run) OK. The comm's yours. I'll be in my quarters if ya need me, kiddo." said an elated redhead, exiting the bridge.

"OK, 'Vashie'. Spill the peas. Why were ya looking at the 'Boss' like that?" demanded 'Ginny' when she was sure that the redhead was out of earshot.

"I was given secret orders, Hon. From 'Uncle Vito' ('Vittorio Franciscus Xavier Galadriel' was the self-proclaimed 'God' of the 3WA) himself, no less. He doesn't want that firebrand Hellcat setting foot on 'Vic' for another monthlet- not until 'Thanksforgiving Day'. Can ya keep a secret, 'Ginny'? (The exec nodded) 'Time Traveler' has escaped. He swiped a 'star cruiser' and gathered a bunch o' ragtag tough guy thugs for a crew. He's rumoured to be heading for a rendezvous with 'Berringer' and 'Vicious', 'Oakbrain' and 'Khan'." explained 'Vash the Stampede'.

"No need to say any more, 'Vashie'. That damned rendezvous is on 'Vic', isn't it?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, that's an addirmative, Hon. What the Hell can I do though? She outranks me, man!" growled 'Vash'.

"She outranks everybody, even the new 'Lady President' on 'Vic'. We'll just have to keep her away from 'Johnny' and the rest of 'em. Maybe she'll go back home to 'Shim' after this blasted party. Oh no! She's sure as shootin' to find out about 'Traveler's escape and she'll wanna go in hot pursuit! Maybe I can find her another exec. I sure as Hell don't wanna go hunting again this close to 'Thanksforgiving Day'. I'm planning on doing some 'Kurisumasu' (Christmas) shopping when we get back home to 'Shim'." said 'Ginny', gloomily.

"Want me to volunteer?" chuckled 'Vash'.

"Sure. Why not?" replied 'Ginny' jokingly, but the look on her face told him that she was dead serious.

"I was just kiddin', man!" he replied, worriedly. She grinned at the big guy.

"Relax, pal. The new officers'll be lining up to be exec to 'Her Nibs'. It's the surest way to a promotion. I went from 'Captain' to 'Commodore'. What's your latest ranking?" asked 'Ginny', glancing at the wall chromo. It was almost time for lunch.

"It was, uh, 'Major' last time I checked. I wanna make 'SubAltern', but not that way, man!" answered 'Vash'.

"Wanna do me a favour, big guy?" chortled 'Ginny'. "It's time for lunch and I said I'd call Kei. She's in her quarters. Wanna watch for 'Vic's 'inner markers' for me? Thanks." added 'Ginny' who was already heading for the lift stations.

"Consider it done, kiddo. See ya later." replied 'Vash'.

"Sir? 'Inner markers' in sight, sir. Looks like we'll be making planetfall in another solar hour. We are ahead of schedule, sir." said the ship's new 'navvy', 'Ensign Lina Lescovar' who was usually a 'Slayer'. Her 'friend', 'Xellos Mallory' had 'volunteered' their services to the 3WA and- as luck would have it- the 'LA2' had been in need of both a navigator and a gunner's mate.

"Thank Kami (God) for that, 'Linny'. 'Mallory'. Keep yer sharp eyes peeled fer rogue asteroids. All seven moons and both suns will be up in 'Vic's aether. I'll have yer lunches sent up as soon as 'Ginny' gets back here." said 'Vash'.

"Aye,sir. Looks like yer sister got the best duty after all, 'Linny'." replied 'Xellos'. 'Lina' gave him a rueful look.

"Yeah. She gets to sit on her fat keester all day and direct traffic on 'Shimougou'. How'd you get to be a gunner's mate, man? I'm a far better shot than you are, man." grumbled 'Linny'.

"Uh, a woman in your 'condition' can't be exposed to all of that kind of excitement, dear. Not with a little one on the way and all." chortled 'Xellos' and 'Lina's face went beet red.

"What! You told them that I was pregnant! No wonder the 'Commodore' told me to be sure and see some 'Dr Brackett' guy when we make 'planetfall'! Ooh! I'll get you back for this, 'Xelly'! You just see if I don't, man! Watch out! Ain't that an asteroid dead ahead? Well? Blast the damned thing before it hits us!" yelled 'Lina'.

"Got it! Thanks fer the heads-up, 'Linny'. Ooh! I forgot to tell the chefs that you're expecting. You should be on a bland diet. You've been packin' on the pounds, girlie." chuckled 'Xellos', blasting another asteroid to smithereenies.

"Hi. I'm back. I brought your lunches up. I made sure that your 'significant other' got the right kind of nourishment for a girl in her, uh, 'condition'. Not showing yet, 'Linny'? I'll bet 'Xelly's gonna be a very proud Papa. I'll have you relieved from all duties once we are down, dear. 'Xellos' will be on guard mount. Hear that, boyo? Report to 'Colonel von Dekker' as soon as we land. Where's 'Vash'? In the what? Oh, I understand." said 'Ginny'.

"Even a great man has to answer the call of nature, mum." chuckled 'Xellos' who was having a ball shooting at asteroids.

"Just be certain sure that you don't miss any of those things, kid. Oh, the 'Boss'll be up to brief us before we land. 'Lina'? Better clear our 'planetfall' with the tower down there. I understand that they have a 'weather shield' barrer activated. We wouldn't want to crash into that field, would we? Oh dear! Will you be safe 'beaming' down, 'Linny'? No. I'll send you two down by shuttle. Don't forget to check in at our HQ before you see 'Dr Brackett', dear. His offices are in the hospital in the new city. Be ready to leave in ten minutes, please." said the 'Commodore' and 'Linny' was on the 'broil' cycle.

"Cheer up, Snookums. We get to ride in a shiny new shuttlecraft. Remember your blood pressure, darling." laughed 'Xelly'.

"Yeah and what happens if your 'cloak' drops, 'Xelly'? You aren't really human, ya know? What d'ya think would happen if our pilot were to find out that you're really a monster? A benevolent monster, but still a monster, man. Nah, I won't tell 'em. You're a really cool guy and an ace gunner's mate. That reminds me. How'd we ever end up here- on this old tub I mean?" pouted 'Linny' who was still angry with her friend.

"We must have accidentally come through some portal I opened, kiddo. If that's true, ya better be real nice to me because I'm the only one who can reopen the door back to our world, Sweetie." chortled 'Xellos' while she fumed inwardly.

"Don't blame 'Mallory', 'Lescovar'. You guys came through a portal, only he didn't have anything to do with it. That credit goes to a little worm we've been chasing for weeks- 'Time Traveler'. He was last seen on 'Shim' where your sister wound up, 'Linny'. Not to worry. She's filling in for one of our comm relay operators in one of the spaceport towers. Relax. We'll send all three of ya back home as soon as one of our TARDISes is free. Unfortunately, that will not be anytime soon. Until then, you're all in the 3WA. Uh, except for you, dear. You'll be checked into the hospital in the new city until the happy event. Now you'd both better pack up your things and report to the parking docks belowdecks. I'll assign you a shuttle pilot. You have ten minutes, kids. See ya on the surface." said 'Ginny' whose words amazed the human girl and pseudo-human boy.

"Don't pay her no never minds, guys. Almost every gal here can 'mind read' and 'mind send'. 'Ginny's really good at it. Some of the guys have 'telepath' abilities, but not me. Better get packed up and report to the 'Leonardo' belowdecks. I'll be waiting for ya. I'm yer pilot. Later." said 'Vash the Stampede' with a grin.

"And another thing, 'Xelly' dearest. How come we're only 'ensigns' and 'Luna Swanson' ('Lina' & 'Luna' had different fathers) gets to be a 'First Lieutenant'? It ain't fair!" whined 'Linny' while 'Xelly' was helping her to pack up her junk.

"Oh, stop blubberin', ya big baby. 'Luna's older than we are and she's a 'sorceress' to boot. Besides, she took all o' those courses in communications and stuff. At least she's on 'Shimougou' while we're here on 'Victorine'. Let's just try to have fun. OK?" replied the pseudo human monster.

"Fun! I'll be lucky if I don't wind up in the 'hoosegow'! As soon as this 'Brackett' quack examines me, he'll know that I ain't expecting! There may even be a law here for wasting a doctor's time, man. Well, if I'm going to stir, I ain't going alone, you creep! This was all your doing, dammit!" sobbed 'Linny', breaking down into tears at last. The boy comforted her as best as he could.

"It was just a joke, kiddo. They'll understand that, won't they? Anyway, it got ya off the duty roster, didn't it?" chuckled 'Xelly'. The daggers in the girl's pale green eyes were unmistakeable. If her looks could kill, he'd have dropped dead on the spot.

"Just leave yer stuff on the 'transporter' pads in Level 3, guys. And hurry up! If we miss this 'gravity well window', there won't be another until tomorrow night. Get a move on, man. I'll be waiting on the 'Leo' for ya." growled 'Vash' from their suite's open portalway.

"Now let me see. Have I forgotten anything?" mumbled 'Linny' to herself while she was zipping up her 3WA uniform jacket.

"Ain't ya gonna put some pants on before we leave?" laughed 'Xelly', pointing to her bare legs. The poor girl's face blushed to a deep shade of vermillion and she shrieked. Then, giving him a withering glance, 'Linny' dashed into her bedroom. Five minutes later, she emerged completely dressed and carrying her heavy fur parka and outdoor gear which she dumped into the 'anti-grav trolley's bin with the rest of their luggage.

"Take all of this crap to the 'transporter' room on Level 3. Understand?" ordered 'Xelly' to the 'droid 'handler'.

"Yes, 'Lord Mallory'. I un-der-stand. I hope that you and your wife have a nice visit." answered the 'droid.

"It's not bad enough that you told everyone that I'm pregnant, dammit! Now everyone thinks that we're married! You had better get this mess straightened out- tout sweet- or else! C'mon, Darling. We don't want to miss our flight, do we, dearest?" fumed 'Lina Lescovar-Mallory'. "And if 'Luna' hears one word about any of this, I'll kill you, boyo." she added angrily.

"Mustn't keep 'Vashie' waiting, Lovey." chortled 'Xelly' and they followed the 'droid as far as the lift stations. The 'doid trundled aboard followed by the 'newlyweds'. Their luggage and 'droid got off on Level 3. They continued down to the sub-deck where the parking docks were located.

"Over here you two! Hurry it up! We have just a few minutes left before we lose our 'window'!" yelled 'Vash' through their comm badges. The two 'Slayers' took to their heels and scrambled up the gangway and plopped into the seats beside 'Vash'. 'Xelly' strapped in his 'wife' and then himself. The gangway vanished and the portals sealed themselves shut.

"Hang on to yer undies. Here we go." drawled 'Vash' and the shuttlecraft lifted and shot out into space. Suddenly, a glowing hole appeared in front of them and 'Vash' dove through it just seconds before it dematerialized! "Whew! Made it by the skin o' our teeth, kids. OK, you can unstrap now. Relax. That's 'Vic's 'aether' outside now, not deep space. We'll be landing soon." added the big gunslinger.

"Are we there yet?" whimpered big brave 'Xelly' and 'Linny' giggled. "It's OK, 'Lovey'. We're almost there. How long, 'Vash'?" she asked. "Half hour- tops. Hungry? Galley's one level down and to your left. Help yerselves. I'll be down after I've put 'Leo' on 'George'. Uh, you did bring winter gear with ya, right? It's damned cold on 'Vic's surface." replied 'Vash'. She nodded.

"Ahoy down there. 'Vash' commanding the 'Leonardo' here. Requesting you to open your barrier so we can land. Over." growled the big guy into his vidmike.

"Uh. Roger that, sir. Opening barrier. Do you have passengers aboard? Over." replied 'Lt Commodore Annie Hathaway'. It was her maiden trip for using 'Vic's comm relays from the spaceport tower.

"Two 'Slayers' and one's in the 'family way'. Request 'flying ambulance' for her and her hubby. Request you inform 'Dr Brackett' that they've arrived. Over." trilled 'Vash the Stampede'.

"Roger willco, sir. You are cleared to land. I have assigned you Parking Dock Space AA317, Southern Sector on Level 119. 'Flying ambulance' will meet you there. Welcome to 'Victorine'. Hathaway out." trilled the time ship pilot.

"Thanks. 'Vash' out." he trilled back and tossed down his vidmike.

"But I don't need an ambulance. I can walk, dammit." fumed 'Mama Lina Lescovar'. "Now, Darling. 'Daddy' knows what's best for his 'Snooky Ookums'. The kid's due any time now, guys. Better get her undressed. I'll meet ya at the hospital, Dearest." soothed 'Papa Xelly Mallory' who was enjoying his little joke to the hilt.

Before she could protest, an 'Oxygine' mask was across 'Lina's nose and mouth while 'Paramedic Alice Gunther' stripped her to the skin and covered the humiliated 'Slayerette' with a blanket. The 'flying ambulance' touched down at the new 'Victoria City Clinic & Hospital' a few minutes later and 'Lina' was wheeled into a treatment room where 'Dr Brackett', 'Dr Early' and 'Dr Morton' were waiting with several nurses under the command of 'Head Nurse Dixie McCall'.

"A practical joke! While we were playing 'doctor' with that girl, legitimate patients could have gone begging! Where's 'Ms Lescovar's 'husband' anyway?" snarled a very angry 'Dr Kelly Brackett'. The others were all trying to hide their grins and failing miserably. 'Kelly' was perturbed because 'Dixie' had arranged the duty roster so that she and he could attend this evening's fancy dress Hall-o-we'en costume party. 'Joe Early' had been snagged by 'Nurse Huntley' to accompany her to the shindig when 'Mike Morton' had volunteered for night duty as 'doctor on call'.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the 'staging area'-

"Psst! Anybody out there, man? We could use some food, man. It's way past dinnertime." called a voice from the 'brig' building and the 'Supreme Marshall' herself wondered who was calling to her. 'Gally' had informed her that there were no prisoners left on 'Vic'. At least- none in the 'brig' cells. However, she unsealed the portals and entered the 'brig' hut.

"We're hungry, mum. That big doggie guy was supposed to bring us some chow, but he's gettin' ready fer the party tonight, man." explained 'Shadarack'. "Ain't that right, 'John'?" he added to his cellmate.

"Yeah, that's ri- Oh no! It's 'Her'! 'Poe' said that 'She' was on a star-mapping mission and wouldn't be back here until 'ThanksForGiving Day'! Hiya, 'Boss'. How ya been, 'Reds'?" asked 'John Berringer' while 'Shad' tried to press himself into a corner.

"Huh? Where'd you come from, 'Johnny'? Well, ye're goin' back to whereever ya escaped from on the next transport outta here. You too, whoever the Hell ya are. Relax. I'll have a 'repper' brought in for ya. We don't go in fer torture, boyos." growled the 'Boss' and then she added under her breath- "No matter how much ya may deserve it!" She stomped off to find 'Gally' and give the poor 'time lady' a piece of her mind- a damned big piece.

"I thought ya said we hadn't got any prisoners in the 'brig', milady?" snarled the redheaded Amazon firebrand Hellcat.

"I take it that you found 'Johnny' and 'Shad', mum? They were caught after our last transmission to your flagship. We'll be sending them back to the proper authorities next week and-" said 'Gally', sighing.

"Next week? I want 'em offa 'Vic' at first sunsrises, dammit!" howled the 'Boss', crashing her gloved fist on the desk.

"No can do, kiddo. The 'Adonis Arch' collapsed again and space traffic from 'Shim's backed up until 10 NovDec at least." drawled the devil-may-care Vampire- Erik.

"We don't even have a spare TARDIS, Kei. Unless you wanna use your own flagship as a transport vessel, mum?" inquired the 'Gallifreyan time lady' who was temporary commander of the planet.

"Maybe. In the meantime, send somebody over to our two 'guests' with a couple o' 'reppers'. Can't have 'em starvin' to death on our watch, can we, kid?" chortled Kei. She pulled off her gloves and sat down opposite 'Gally'.

"Boy oh boy! How'd ya just 'happen' to drop your Mark XII down the well, 'Alvie'? It was bad enough when ya dropped those code books down the well back home. That water was darned cold! Look! There's a hole in the ice where your gun broke through! How am I supposed to fish it out for ya, huh?" grumbled 'Andy Carter'.

Come on, 'Andrew'! I didn't do it on purpose, ya know. 'Helga' wanted a photograph o' meself bendin' over the well, didn't she? For her scrapbook. The damned thing just slipped outta me holster, didn't it? Be a mate, 'Andrew'. Please? I'd go down meself, but I can't swim. Please?" pleaded 'Alvin Newkirk'.

"OK. Go get some grease from 'Louie' ('LeBeau') and I'll go down and get it for ya. Hurry up! It's freezing out here, man!" replied 'Andy'.

"Belay that last order, 'Alvie'. Slip into this 'Mithril' underwear and hood, 'Mr Carter'. You won't need grease or oil or anything else. 'Mithril' is an 'Elfin' garment that retains heat and repels both moisture and cold. Uh, you'd better change inside, sir. Do not worry. Marks cannot rust." said 'Annie Hathaway' who'd been watching from the Kommandant's office.

While 'Andy' was changing, 'Annie' explained the principles of the strange light yet very strong fabric developed by the 'Elves' which retained heat while repelling moisture and cold to keep its wearer toasty, warm and dry- even in temperatures well below freezing. 'Helga' and 'Wolfgang' (Her hubby) were impressed while 'Alvie' worried that it might all be done with 'smoke and mirrors'. He was not convinced and he felt bad because it was his own carelessness which was the reason for 'Andy' having to make like a polar bear!

"You sure that this stuff will keep me warm and dry, ma'am?" asked a dubious 'Carter'. She assured him that he'd be as 'snug as a bug in a rug'. Then she handed him a pair of curious looking sneakers.

"With these on your feet and by using this remote, you can 'float' all the way down to the icy surface. They're lined with 'Mithril' so you won't get your feet wet. When you can feel the Mark- they float- you just use this control to 'move' it onto the ice. Then you merely reverse the process to float back up. Any questions, sir? ('Andy' smiled and shook his head) OK. Whenever you're ready, 'Mr Carter'." said 'Annie'.

'Carter' clambered over the edge of the well and the rest of his 'Stalag 13' gang had to be thinking back to that cold day back on 'Terra' when 'Carter' had made this same icy plunge to retrieve a 'borrowed' Luftwaffen code book when 'Newkirk' had been forced to toss it down the well to avoid being caught with it.

On that occasion, poor 'Carter' had been rubbed down with axle grease on his almost naked body to keep out the cold! It hadn't worked too well and the poor guy had almost froze to death! This time, however, he felt toasty and warm inside his 'Mithril' undergarments and hood. He was 'floating' down instead of being lowered on a rope for the half mile trip.

CLUNK! His feet touched the icy surface of the water and he switched off his 'floaters'.

"I'm down OK!" he shouted as loud as he could, forgetting that he was deafening everyone above!

"Ya don't hafta yell, 'Andrew'! Ye're wearin' a comm badge! Me poor ears!" said an upset 'Alvie Newkirk' using his comm badge.

"Sorry about that, 'Alvie'. Hey! I kin see your Mark gun. Got it! These things do float! Coming back up. Stand clear!" he said into his badge. A few moments later, he handed the ice cold ion cannon to the Englander while the other guys wrapped him in blankets. 'Carter' grinned and then went back inside to dress.

"Be more careful in future, 'Mr Newkirk'. Even with 'Mithril', his hands must be freezing by now. This world's 'aether' is not the same as Earther 'air'. You had better wrap your cannon in something and leave it beside the fire to dry. Be certain that you remove its 'power pack' first. 'Ionic energy' has a very low explosion point." instructed 'Annie Hathaway'.

"Right ya are, Love. I don't wanna blow up 'Klink's office, do I?" chuckled the amiable Britisher. She did not smile.

"Forget the office, sir. A discharged 'power pack' set to 'low' or 'stun' could level this entire side of the mountain. Yours is set to 'high kill', 'Mr Newkirk'." explained the 'time ship' pilot matter-of-factly and 'Alvie' blanched as white as the snow upon which he was standing.

"Whew! Feels good to be warm again, guys. Funny. My fingers are still tingling from the cold. And I got gloves on, man! Weird place the Colonel brought us to, huh? Thanks, 'Louie'. I could use some hot coffee." said 'Andy Carter', accepting a steaming mug from the little Frenchman.

"So long as 'Butterfingers Alvin' here does not forget to secure his holster strap again." replied 'Louie LeBeau' who doubled as camp chef and seamstress. 'Bob Hogan's men performed many different duties.

"He better 'cause I ain't going down there again, no siree!" stated the druggist from Terran Minnesota.

"Me gun's dryin' by the fireplace in 'Willy's office and yes, I did remove the bloody 'power pack' and I reset the gun to 'low stun'." replied the Englander, a former RAF Corporal who was now a 3WA First Lieutenant.

"Since all's right with the world again over here, I hafta get back to my comm relay duties at HQ. Anyone need a lift? Any of ya wanna go fer a ride in my new 'air car speeder'. 'Daisy' is a 'Space Rover 5000' and she can go from zero to point seven Warp in 12 nano-seconds." said 'Annie', dropping her helmet's blast shield and pulling on her gloves.

"Ja! 'Schultzy' haf eaten up most uf our food supplies und I need to stock up. 'Volfie'! I am going shopping, dearest vun. I vill be back to fix dinner. Be sure dot mein kitchen ist clean und do der bathrooms too. I von't be long." said 'Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter', pulling on a helmet and her fur parka. 'Johnny Kinchloe' tossed her a pair of fur gloves and she caught them deftly.

Promising 'I'll be bock', she followed 'Annie' out to her shiny new green and black 'speeder'. As soon as 'Helga' was aboard, 'Annie' wasted no time in lifting off and rocketing the seventeen kilometres back to the 'staging area' where 3WA HQ- 'Victorine Division' was located.

'Annie' pulled to a stop in front of the new 'Shop Till Ya Drop' supermarket. 'Helga' hopped out, vidwallet in her fist.

"Want me to wait for ya, 'Helly'?" asked 'Annie', but the German girl shook her head.

"Nein. Dot vill not be necessary, 'Annie'. I vill take a 'holocab' bock vhen I am finished. Danke Schoen all der same. Auf Wiedersehen, my dear." she replied. 'Annie' waved bye bye to her and rocketed off for home.

In the 'holotaxicab' on the way back to the stalag, 'Helga' drifted off to sleep. The 'droid pilot kept up a steady flow of one-sided yakking while he deftly threaded his way through traffic at a safe and sedate Point two Warp. Then 'Helga' nestled into the seat and pulled the traveling blanket tighter around herself and she dozed off. Then she began to dream.

'A CHRISTMAS CAROL - GALACTIC LAW VERSION' (AN: This 'dream sequence' is a stand alone story within this chapter)

"Damnation! 'Loo-Ten-Ant Cratchit'! Front and centre!" howled 'District Attorney Hamilton B.H. Scrooge'.

"Coming, sir! Yes, sir? You bellowed, I mean, you called, sir?" asked the shorter 3WA intergalactic police lieutenant.

"I most certainly did, sir! And it has taken you FOUR extra nano-seconds to respond to my summons, sir! Where is 'Miss Forsythe'? I need the briefs for the 'O'Halloran' trial!" fumed his superior who had just been elected 'Victorine's new DA. Of course, nobody liked the guy. However, 'stuffing the balloting computers' by having 'Micah Jordan' hack into the elections systems had secured him the landslide victory over the incumbent- 'Alex Walker'!

"I, uh, have allowed 'Becky', 'Miss Forsythe' I mean- to go 'Kurisumasu' (Christmas) shopping, sir. here are the briefs for the trial, sir. And, if I may say, sir-" replied 'Arthur Tragg Cratchit'.

"You may not, sir. Who is working for whom here, 'Lt Cratchit'? I suppose that you and 'Miss Forsythe' will be wanting the whole day off tomorrow- as usual?" demanded the tall menacing DA. 'Artie Cratchit' was quaking in his deck boots.

"If it is convenient, sir? After all, it is only once a solar year, sir. And we always come in very early on 'St Stephen's Day' to get the work caught up, sir." explained the cringing cop. 'Artie' was the chief homicide detective in 'Victoria City' and a damned good one as well. The poor guy deserved better, but he liked being a cop for the 3WA and because he was the chief of the homicide bureau for the new city, he had no choice but to work for old 'Bah Humbug' as 'Mr Scrooge' was known by most folks.

The 'B.H.' of his name really stood for 'Benjamin Harrison', his father's favourite ancient Terran US President who had served the shortest term of any Terran US leader- half a monthlet! However, owing to 'Hamilton's temper and disposition, everyone called him old 'Bah Humbug', but not to his face, of course!

"It ain't convenient, sir and it ain't fair neither. If I withheld four Credits from your 'vidwallet accounts', ye'd think yerselves ill used, I'll be bound. But, ye dinna think me ill ised when I pay a day's Credits fer no damned work, do ye, sir? Oh, alright! Take the day, but-" snarled the old miser.

"We'll be here even earlier the next day, sir. Ah, here comes 'Rebecca' now. And your nephew is with her." replied 'Arthur'.

"What the Hell does that 'jackanapes' want this time, I wonder? Oh no! Don't tell me that he's still been seeing 'Miss Forsythe'?" snapped the lawyer angrily. Besides being his 'secretary/confidential assistant/'go fer it' girl, 'Rebecca Robertson Forsythe' was also the old boy's 'ward'. If any eligible bachelor had designs on wedding this young lady and getting a decent 'dowry' from this old skinflint, he was sadly mistaken.

"Meri Kurisumasu, 'Uncle Moneybags'! Can I have 'Becky's hand in marriage, sir? I know- you're too darned cheap to give the girl a 'dowry', but I don't care. I'm the new chief of security at 'Victorian Rangers' HQ now. Let me help you off with your coat, Darling. My goodness! You must be close to 'max out' on your new 'MeisterVista' card! Look at all of these gifts. Come and sit down. How about a belt, 'Pops'? To warm the old innards eh?" chortled 'Colonel Frederick 'Freddie' Scrooge Hogan' and 'Arthur' hastily 'repped up' two more chairs for the young folks.

"What! You marry my dear child? And then you'll go gallivantin' all across the Universes while me poor 'Rebecca' sits home all alone? No, sir. You may not have her hand nor my blessings, sir." bellowed 'Scrooge'. 'Becky' started to sob and then she whispered something into the lieutenant's ear which caused him to go quite red in the face.

"Well? We have no secrets in this office, sir. What has she just told you, 'Cratchit'? I demand to know, sir." growled 'Scrooge'.

"She's told 'Artie' that we gotta get married. The baby's due in a few more weeks, 'Dad'. Don't look at me like that, guys! It ain't my fault! On Terra, it takes nine months to conceive and birth a kid. How the Hell was I supposed to know that on this world, it only takes a third of those nine months, man? Anyway, I wanted to just elope woth her to avoid the inevitable shoutin' match with ya, man. But- 'Becky' wants a big church weddin' and it just so happens that both 'Reverend Wolfwood' and 'Bishop Chapel Evergreen' are in town for the holidays and-" slurred 'Freddie Hogan' who was already tacking three sheets against the wind. He'd started celebrating early that morning and he was totally plastered.

"Well, she'll just have to have the child 'aborted'. I'll comm relay 'Sister Patricia' on 'Shimougou' and she can have it done at the 'Holy Angels Convent' in the 'Gyrols'. The 'Castilean Monarch' is lifting off in about an hour and-" said 'Scrooge'. 'Becky' fled from the office in tears and dashed out into the cold. She didn't even take her parka with her and it was frigid outside.

"Way to go, you old fool! Let's get after her 'Artie'! If anything happens to that girl, I'll demand satisfaction from you, 'Uncle Hamilton'! And ya kin take that to the bank, man! Grab her outdoor gear, 'Artie'. She's probably on her way to the 'overground' station. Remember what I said, 'B.H.'! And here's yer wreath, man! Good afternoon, sir!" yelled 'Freddie', hustling 'Lt Cratchit' out the portals and down the slippery streets.

"Well! I must say that you have screwed things up royally, 'Hamburger'! 'Fred's not kiddin' either! Kami help ya if she loses that kid, man! She can't have no more, ya know? Look at me when I'm yellin' at ya, man!" shouted a disembodied voice that shook the building.

"How can I look at you, sir? You are a figment of my imagination, sir. Too much holiday cheer, y'see?" said 'Scrooge', looking behind the file cabinets and under the desks.

"Yer pardon, suh! I'm still invisible. How about this?" said the voice and a tall bewhiskered elderly gentleman in a dirty bathrobe was standing on 'Scrooge's desk. 'Jameson Moriarty Martinson' had been 'Scrooge's old partner and fellow 'ambulance chaser' until he'd had one too many at the pub seven years ago and had been knocked down by a 'speeder' coming in for a landing.

"Huh? Ye're dead, 'Jamie'! Ye give up the spirit seven year ago this verra night! Why d'ye walk the world and why d'ye come to me? I've been a good little boy, haven't I?" asked 'Scrooge' who was hiding under his desk. Big brave DA my foot!

"O' course I'm dead, Stupid! I come back here tonight to help ye see the error o' yer ways. Ye got one chance o' escapin' my Fate!" explained the spectre, draining 'Scrooge's last bottle of 'Romulan Blue Ale'.

"What Fate be that, 'Jamie'?" demanded his still living partner.

"Havin' to watch old 'Saturday Nite Live' program reruns fer all eternity. A Fate worse than death, man!" replied 'Jamie'.

"OK! They kin get married with me blessings. And I'll even toss in an extra five thou in Credits fer the 'dowry'. How's that strike yer fancy?" asked 'Scrooge' who had dinner reservations with his former secretary, 'Yuri Donovan' at twenty hundred hours- 8 PM and it was almost nineteen thirty now. If he came late, they'd charge him an extra six Credits! Twenty-five if he didn't show up at all.

"Not so fast, old friend. First, ye'll be visited by three spirits. The spirits o' Galactic Law- Past, Present and Yet-To-Come and-" said 'Jamie' who was starting to feel the effects of the 'Romulan' firewater and was slurring his words.

"Ye mean 'Future', don't ye, 'Jamie'?" corrected 'Scrooge'.

"Yeah, but 'Yet-To-Come' sounds a lot more ominous, man. Expect 'Clarence Darrow' at one; 'Perry Mason' at two and 'Hamilton Burger' at three. We been gettin' too durned many complaints about convertin' old curmudgeons like yerself over three nights and havin' to explain why they ain't missed 'Kurisumasu' after all. So- ya gets 'em all the same night, er mornin'. Whatever. OK. Here comes 'Gohan Son' on his Dad's yellow 'Flyin' Nimbus Cloud' so I gotta split. Good luck, 'Hammy'. Let's motor, 'Gohan'." said 'Jamie Martinson' and then they were both gone.

Dinner was a disaster. Because it was a holiday eve, the restauranteur didn't charge 'Scrooge' extra for being a half hour late. However, 'Yuri' was 'stoned to the gills' on 'White Zinfandel' and ended the evening by doing a fair to middlin' version of 'Gypsy Rose Lee' until he managed to get her out through the kitchens one step ahead of the 'Victorian Rangers'! Then he had to explain to 'Mrs Fiona MacCrimmon' who ran the boardinghouse where the girl resided why she had been kept out past the twenty-three hundred hours' curfew! That had cost him another fifteen Credits!

"About dashed time that you showed up, 'Mr District Attorney'! I have five other creeps like you to visit tonight, ya know? OK, shall we jump out the of the window now, sir?" said 'Clarence Darrow', the most famous 'legal eagle' in Terran history. 'Darrow' had set the precedent for 'Not guilty by reason of insanity' plea bargaining statutes during the infamous 'Leopold-Loeb' trial.

"Are you insane, sir? I am but a morrtal and liable to fall. Then I'd have to sue you for damages, sir. Haven't you ever seen those 'Metzgar-Wickersham' ads on vidTV?" snarled 'Scrooge' who was a little the worse for wear after two bottles of bubbly.

"Bear but a touch of my robe and ye shall be upheld in more than this. What the Hell was 'Charlie Dickens' on when he wrote this bloody crap? Hang on. We're going back in time to your old school." yawned a tipsy 'Spirit of Galactic Law Past'.

"Recognize this place, foolish mortal?" asked 'Clarence', not to be confused with the 'Angel' who needed to earn his wings. That is yet another tale.

"Of course I do. There's that brat 'Harry Potter'! He was always asking for more gruel and when he didn't get it, he turned the headmaster into a toad! Young 'Dick Wilkins'! He grew up and changed his name to 'Paul Drake'. He works for 'Mason' as a private detective. And there's meself. Imagine! My parents wouldn't let me come home for holidays and just because I sold their 'beach house' to 'Troy Donahue' when I was seven years old! OK, I've seen enough. Where to now, 'Mr Darrow', sir?" said a bored 'Scrooge'.

"Damnation! Look at the time! Almost time for 'G Law Present' to show up. By the by, you're still seeing 'Miss Donovan', I take it? ('Scrooge nodded) Then no sense in re-opening old wounds by showin' ya the 'one that got away', is there? OK. Here we are back at your place. Learned anything yet? No? Give it time, man. See ya soon maybe?" said 'Clarence Darrow' and 'Hamilton' sat down to warm up some gruel by the fireplace.

Honestly! Did 'Mr Dickens' ever even try to eat this slop, I wonder? Yucksville, baby!

"Good evening, sir. I'm not the police. I'm your attorney and I want the truth, sir. Sorry. Old habits you know. Let me see." said 'Spirit of Galactic Law Present'- 'Mr Perry Mason', checking his new 'wrist communicator and computer'- a gift from 'Della Street' before she had left to spend 'Kurisumasu Ibu' (Christmas Eve) with the 'Cratchits' in their tiny twelve room suite in 'Ivory Towers'.

"Have you ever been to the hovel where poor 'Arthur Tragg Cratchit' lives with his three wives and ten kids, sir? It'll be better next year when the new divorce laws take effect for 'Victorine' and men and ladies are limited to one legal partner. Well, grab hold of my overcoat and we'll see how your poor 'clerk/copper' spends this holiday. Don't stretch the material, 'Hamilton'! This is imported 'vicuna', not cheap 'gabardine' like you wear, ya old sourpuss." said 'Perry'.

"Get that sugarbowl away from my dragonberry dressing pot, 'Mother Harper'!" yelled 'Naomi Cratchit' who was 'Arthur's #1 wife.

"Go and watch the puddin' singin' in the kettle up on the roof, 'Belinda'. If you've finished peelin' the taters that is? Excellent. Off you go and take a few of your sibs with ya." cooed 'Marion Cratchit' merrily. She was Wife #2.

"The 'turkeysaurus' needs bastin' again, kids. I'll be home after my shift. That 'Cordell Walker's a real damned slave driver, man!" said 'Ranger Sidney Cratchit'. When she had tired of her first husband, 'Ranger Gage', she had merely dropped him like a hot potato and married 'Artie Cratchit'. Four of her eight kids had gone with her, the other four choosing to stay with 'Daddy Gage'. 'Sidney' was 'Arthur Cratchit's third wife.

"How about a big kiss from everyone for their favourite 'Family Guy'?" chortled 'Arthur Tragg Cratchit' and everyone began throwing things at him. "That's how they show their affection for me, 'St Nicky'." he explained to the giant bearded Viking who had followed him home. 'Hagar' had tied one on tonight and now he had amnesia. When this little guy had called him 'St Nicky' and offered him a place to stay, good food and more booze, the big guy had followed this sucker like a puppy dog follows a burcher. Besides, there might even be something at his place to plunder and pillage. This had been a lean year for Vikings and other barbarians.

"Let's have a recital from our honoured guest, dearest one. We need to kill an hour or two until dinner's ready anyway." said 'Marion'. 'St Nicky' stood up and then collapsed to the floor in a drunken stupour. 'Artie' smiled and began to recite a holiday poem.

"Uh- 'Twas the night before the big day and all through the suite- nary a creature was stirrin'- not even a 'Greet'. (A 'Greet' is a giant rodent that lives in the walls of suites which are above the thousandth level of buildings).

"The socks were all dryin' above the fire with care while the kids were all dreamin' of everything- even a new 'March Hare'.

"And Mamas in their jammies and me in me new flannels had just settled our brains fer a long winter's slumber.

"Suddenly, somethin' crashed through the ceilin' and a vivacious 'Elfette' landed on one of the boy's beds with a plunk.

"Look who's sleepin' in my bed, man! I got dibs on this babe, ya rotten skunks!

"The poor thing barely escaped with her green skin intact and 'St Nicky' gave her a playfully hard fanny whack.

"He couldn't fit down the chimney 'cause he was no 'Grinch'. Then 'Greenie' managed to pick the latch in the door. This 'Elfette' babe was sure great in a pinch.

"Good thing too because 'St Nicky' had begun unlimbering his axe! He swiped all the socks and helped himself to some roast beast. Then 'Greenie' and he began packing up the sleigh with whatever was not nailed down- quite a haul!

"His 'Elfette' babe used spray paint to draw a heart on the wall and then she started to bawl. Her boss man quickly wrapped her up in one o' the Mamas' warm shawls.

"He leaped astride the lead reindeer while 'Greenie' took reins in hand and touched the speed bar ever so gently.

"But I heard someone exclaim ere he rocketed away- Where the Hell are all of the presents? Like LaCrosse and Croquet?!

"Long will it be before that family forgets that horrible night when 'St Nicky' and 'Greenie' stole everything in sight!"

"Is any o' that crap true, 'Popsy'?" cooed 'Joanie Cratchit' who was nicknamed 'Fat Joanie' because she was always eating and she was almost the size of a house.

"O' course it ain't, Sweetie-kins. Ya know yer 'Daddy's the biggest liar in town. Still and all- not a bad recital. Apologies to 'Reverend Moore' though.

"Lemme outta this mad Hellhouse, man! Ain't it about time fer me last spirit, sir? Please?" pleaded 'Scrooge' and 'Mr Mason' fixed his steely gaze on the poor guy.

"Isn't it true that you picked up that poker and bashed in the skull of your employer because he caught you with yer hand in the cookie jar- again? Admit it, sir! You are the guilty fellow. You are the murderer! Am I not correct, sir? Whoops! Done it again, huh? Well, I'll leave you now because I see 'Spirit of Galactic Law Yet-To-Come' stumbling up the stairs. Don't miss us on vidTV weekdays at zero nine hundred hours and again at twenty-three thirty hours. Farewell." said 'Perry Mason' and the suite vanished only to be replaced by a dank dark prison cell high up in a forboding castle.

"Good evening, sir. 'Hamilton Burger' had a previous engagement so I am his substitute. Careful, sir! You almost fell into the pit. Oh. What? No sir, this is Hell. It's where you're heading quite quickly unless ye mend yer evil ways. Wanna see the fires ye'll be stokin' and then roastin' in fer all eternity? It's really nifty, man." said the substitute 'Spirit' who looked for all the Universes like 'Vincent Price'.

"I shall retire to 'Bedlam'! Leave me in peace for Kami's sake! Begone already!" screeched 'Hamilton Benjamin Harrison Scrooge' and suddenly- he woke up! "What a nightmare!"

He grabbed his vidphone and quickly placed several comm relay messages without waiting for the cheaper rates to kick in. Then he got busy 'repping up' stuff. When all of his preparations were at last completed, 'Hamilton B.H. Scrooge' hopped into his ancient 'sky sled' and rocketed over the city, showering everyone in sight with Credit vouchers! Then he turned North, heading for 'Ivory Towers' where he found the 'Cratchits' suite quite deserted. Everyone was out drinking and caroling and getting sick.

Resisting the urge to 'borrow' a few presents for himself, the new and improved 'Scrooge' began unpacking his own sacks and boxes which were filled to burstin' with goodies and-

Soon every one of the twelve rooms had its own personal 'Kurisumasu' tree, gifts, foodstuffs, booze, egg nog- you name it and 'Scrooge' had brought it for them. He quickly exited the place and rocketed off for 'Freddie's cottage near 'Stalag 13' at the foot of 'Mt Peabody'. When he arrived, 'Bishop Evergreen' and 'Nick Wolfwood' were both waiting. 'Becky' was radiant in her wedding gown and as this was a formal occasion, 'Freddie' had opted for his old USAA Class A 'Colonel' uniform. 'Johnny Kinchloe' was best man and 'Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter' was matron of honour (It was her dream after all!). One of the local kids was throwing paper roses all over the floor. No real flowers to be had in one of these frigid icy cold winters.

'Evergreen' and 'Wolfwood' tossed a coin and the 'Bishop' won. Fuming, 'Nick Wolfwood' sat down beside 'St Nicky Hagar' and watched the ceremony. 'St Nicky' offered the fellow his 'flask' and soon they were both as drunk as lords and disrupting the ritual of marriage. Everyone else pretended that they couldn't hear them. 'Hamilton B.H. Scrooge' walked the bulging bride up the aisle followed closely by Drs Early, Morton and Brackett as well as by Nurses McCall and Huntley. The 'wee bairn' was due any minute now!

"Dearly beloved and all that jazz- do ye, 'Rebecca' take 'Frederick' as yer husband fer all time and so on and so forth?" asked the older former 'Gung Ho Gun' leader.

"I do-o-o! Ooh! It's coming, Darling! Hurry up, Rev!" answered 'Rebecca'.

"Righty-O! Do ye, 'Frederick' take this fine woman whom be more than ye deserve, do ye take 'Rebecca' to be yer wife fer all time?" asked 'Chapel Evergreen' quickly.

"I do! I do! Finish it quick, man! Doc! Baby's comin', man!" yelled 'Freddie'. 'Evergreen' pronounced 'em man and wife just as her new hubby and her 'guardian' laid the new 'Mrs Hogan' on a pew bench and 'Dr Joe Early' delivered a baby-

"I say, Missy. You are home. That'll be fifteen and six, please. Thankee and Meri Kurisumasu to you too, me dear lady." said the 'holotaxicab's 'droid pilot who must have taken lessons from 'Barney' in that ancient Terran 'Angel Clarence' vidfilm. .

"Danke Schoen! Was it a boy or a girl? Sorry. My dream. It was so real. Gute Weinachten, sir. I've included an extra ten Credits fer ye." said 'Helga' and suddenly she remembered that she too was in the 'family way'! 'Wolfgang Hochstetter' bustled outside to help her with the groceries and he tipped the 'cabbie' another twenty.

When she entered the Kommandant's office, 'Bobby Hogan' and 'Becky' were waiting for her.

"Guess what? We wanted you guys to be the first to know. Me and 'Becky' are gettin' hitched." said 'Hogan'. Whatever will he tell 'Xylo Phone' I wonder? He was almost engaged to the alien girl, wasn't he?

"Yeah, I know. Congrats and all, man. Yer uncle givin' her away?" yawned 'Helga' who suddenly realized how prophetic her dream had become. Everyone else thought that she was a candidate for a rubber room! However, they put it down to 'morning sickness' and too much 'Schnapps'!

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, everyone!"

END of Chapter 8. Chapter 9 'Victorine's First Trial' or 'Shopping Spree' to follow soon. Hope that everyone had a nice 'ThanksForGiving Day'. Time to split so it's farewell from the Bossman KZ and the rest of Your Friendship Team.


	9. Ch9'Vic's 1st Trial'Shopping Spree'

VOV

Chapter 9 'Victorine's First Trial' or 'Shopping Spree'

DISCLAIMER: Hullo there folks and happy holidays to everyone. This week, it's our turn to welcome you back to 'Vic' and share this boring drivel about copyrights and other legalities. Alright Della, I'll tell them. My confidential secretary, Ms Della Street, has just reminded me to introduce us to you. OK, my name's Mason. I'm an attorney and Della's my 'Gal Friday'.

First, a big thankee goes to Mr Haruka-San Takachiho for his 'Lovely Angels' characters without whose kind permission we could not share these adventures with you. We also want to thank the other creators whose works and characters we've used or might use in future. Thank you very much indeed.

Finally, anyone who wishes to may use our own OCs and other creations so long as we are given proper credits for their creations. Oh and one more thing. Now I sound like that TV police lieutenant in the dirty raincoat! Anyway, Ms Street here has just agreed to become Mrs Perry Mason and we will be married by MASH's own Father Francis John Patrick Mulcahy just as soon as the banns are read next week.

Now, where were we? Ah yes- Ho! Ho! Ho!

"How's our little colony doing this festive season of AD 2265? The reindeer needed a rest so I just stopped by for some hot cocoa and cookies. I have been dreaming of those 'snickerdoodles' ever since I left my new base in this galaxy. 'Jingle' and 'Jangle' are in charge at my newest intergalactic 'North Pole' base on 'Gysymeo', the closest ice world to this place. Hullo? Where's Mrs Hochstetter? Her cookies are to die for- if you get my drift as the kiddies say in this century?" chuckled the real 'Kriss Kringle'. No foolin'. The state of Terran New York admitted it in AD 1947.

"She's exhausted with all of the wedding preparations, Herr Kringle, so I am doing der baking. Ach! Schultzy! Those sugar plums are for der children! Here are some cookies, Kriss. Herr Carter, please pour our guest some hot cocoa. Danke Schoen." said Wolfgang Hochstetter.

"Thanks very much. Do you think that anyone would mind if I 'crashed' here until Christmas Eve? I'm bushed. I am not really up to that long sleigh ride all the way back to the Pole on Earth. Of course, I am willing to do my fair share of the chores same as I do with the missus." said the jolly old elf which caused Wolfgang to grin.

"Plenty of room. If you like, I'll call Milady Galatea and clear it for you, sir. She is in charge until Milady Allie returns. Just take me a few moments, sir." said the former SS major, tapping vidcodes into a nearby vidphone. He mumbled a few times, said 'unh huh' a few times and then shouted "Capital! I will convey that message to Mr Kringle. Thank you, milady."

"It's all settled, Mr Kringle. You and your companion elves will be staying with Helga and myself. Your sleigh and reindeer will be cared for as well. The reindeer can stay in the stables with 'Sophie'. That's Sherman's horse. He and Willy Klink share the duties of commander here at the 'stalag'. Ah! Louie is preparing 'weinerschnitzel' and 'potato pancakes' for dinner. I can smell it from here. As soon as Helga awakens, she'll find rooms for you and the boys, sir. By the by- do you play chess, Mr Kringle?" replied Wolfgang Hochstetter and Kris beamed at him.

"Yes, I am quite fond of chess and- Oh, please call me Kris. 'Mister' is so formal." said the man in red fur.

"Gut! (Good!) Und I am Volfgang. Call me Volfie. As der visitor, you may haf der vhite. I vill take black. Your move, Kris." said the small moustachioed man.

"Alvie and me just fed yer reindeer, Kris. Colonel Potter's 'Sophie' (His horse) has taken to 'em like a couple o' her own foals. What's fer dinner? I'm starvin' to death, Wolfie." said Andy Carter who was in charge of animal control.

"When's the last time ya fed them overgrown antelopes, man? Three bushels o' carrots, mate! Not to mention their oats intake, sir! Andrew! It's yer turn to set the table, ain't it?" said Alvin Newkirk, another of 'Hogan's Heroes'.

"Colonel? Can't get through to 'Jingle' or 'Jangle' on 'Gysymeo', sir. Storm musta knocked out their comm relays. Those solar winds are packin' a real wallop tonight!" announced Johnny Kinchloe. Bobby Hogan frowned.

"I don't like that one lil bit, Kinch. Hey Kris! Your two top Elves ever been through a blizzard?" called Hogan.

"Eh? What's that, Bob? Blizzard? I recall the great 'Blizzard o' 1898'. Yes sir, that was a mean one, that was! Oh, the boys'll be fine. They've weathered rough weather before at the Pole. They'll be OK. Knight takes Bishop 3, Wolfie." replied Santa Claus.

"Not like the ones that I've been told about on that ice world they're on now, pal. Kinch can't establish comm relay signals with 'em at all. I'm worried about the lil guys, sir." said Bob. Santa sighed and dug out a weird looking candy cane.

"If that's like the one used by Ed in that old Christmas film, ye're a tad outta range, mate." chuckled Newkirk.

"What is a 'tad'?" asked the white bearded gentleman curiously.

"About 50 million 'lightys' (light years), give or take a parsec. Trust us on this, Mr K. Ain't no way ye're contactin' J&J afore morning. And then only if this storm lets up a mite. Ah! Thankee, Helga. Hot java! Have a nice sleep?" said Johnny.

"Ja. I finished der most fabulous dream dot I had in der taxicab mit der mechanical man. You vere in it, Bobby. Und you vere getting married too!" laughed the Bavarian blonde bombshell. Dreams can't really foretell the future- or can they?

"Well, 'Xylo' hasn't mentioned marriage yet, Helga." replied Bobby.

"Maybe she's saving it for a Christmas present, Colonel." suggested Andy Carter. That earned him a dark glower from his former CO.

"What's going on around here, dammit?" demanded Lord Alucard. The Vampire King and his 'turned' ward, Lady Seras Victoria, had just walked through the wall of the office.

"Hullo there, Andrew. Been a good boy this year? Blown up anything you weren't supposed to, eh?" chuckled Kris. "Who are your friends, Andrew?" he added politely.

"Oh, this is Alucard and Vickie. They're just plain old vampires, Mr Kringle, sir." explained the former US Army NCO.

"What? Then they do exist! Oh my milk and cookies!" replied the jolly old elf. Then he fainted across the chessboard.

"Oh dear, Master! See? He does exist! And you said-" scolded Captain Vickie before she collapsed into Hogan's arms.

"Oh, stop the hysterics, 'Police Girl'! Act your age, girl! Is that any way for a vampiress to behave, dammit?" growled the King of Vampires.

Helga applied amyl nitrites (smelling salts) to her two patients and soon both the toy elf man and former London police constable had recovered enough to do justice to the milk and cookies on Louie LeBeau's tray.

"Has anyone seen 'Her Nibs' around these parts?" asked Alucard.

"Yes, we have been sent to find her. She has a comm relay signal from Mr Garner. We have a message for the Boss." explained the young blonde vampiress.

"Quick! Use your magic snowball, Mr K and tell us where she is, sir? Please?" asked Andrew Carter.

"Oh, yes! I had forgotten about my gift from 'Old Man Winter' (The 'Winter Warlock'), Young Andrew. Let me see. Dasher and Donner! We just missed her! She's ferrying 'Sister Rosette' and 'Chrono' over to the new Convent on 'Kagura'. They are taking gifts and candy canes to the children for 'St Nicholas Day'. Uh, what's the message, 'Annabelle Lee'?" replied Santa Claus while he was gazing into his magical crystle snowball.

Seras Victoria fell off her chair and her fanny hit the wooden floor- hard. Her Master waved his hand nonchalantly and raised the girl from the floor and back into her chair. "More hysterics, 'Police Girl'? Perhaps you need a refresher course in 'Vampirism'? You could have easily 'flash stepped' back to your chair." grumbled her mentor.

"I apologize, my Master. Most undignified and not at all ladylike. Anyway, the message is that Mr Garner and Mrs MacCrimmon will be spending the Christmas holidays with us here on 'Vic'. Even 'Zoey' and 'Yuri' are coming and they are bringing the 'Alchemy/Alkahestry Gang' with them. They will be arriving on 'Cyber Monday' after 'ThanksForGiving Day'! Too bad that they both missed the big masquerade ball the other night. However, we can thank Kami (God) that-" explained Seras Victoria before she was interrupted by a trumpet blast.

"Seras! Watch your language, dammit! You know that I do not like to hear that name!" thundered Lord Alucard angrily.

"Say! What caused you to look at 'Old Whiskerpuss' like dot, 'Leibchen' (Little Child)?" asked Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter.

"He called me by name, by my real name of 'Annabelle Lee'. I changed it before I joined the 'Royal Police'. Not even my Master knew me by that name. So- how did Mr Kringle know of it?" asked Vickie, gulping down her milk while Alvie Newkirk was wolfing down cookies like there was no tomorrow.

"He knows when you're sleepin' and he knows when you're awake. He knows if ya been bad or good so- be good for goodness sake." quoted Johnny Kinchloe while Alucard frowned at him and covered his ears with his gloved hands. 'Goodness' was another taboo word around the big vampire. Kris grinned and finished his milk.

"He's quite correct, young lady. I know all of the children on all of the Universes. I apologize if I let the 'kitten out of the sack', my dear. I spoke without thinking. Do you wish for me to expunge that name from their memories?" asked a sorrowful Santa, but Vickie smiled and shook her blonde head.

"My parents were devotees of the writings of Mr Poe and my name came from his famous 'Annabelle Lee' poem. It was Mommy's favourite. When I decided to join the 'Royal Police' though, I knew that I'd be laughed off the force if I used my real name, so I changed it. 'Seras' was an old word for 'angel' and my favourite royal has always been 'Queen Victoria' so I became 'Seras Victoria'. No reason why everyone should not know my former name now. No harm done, sir." said Vickie.

Suddenly, the door to the office crashed open and two very tiny men strolled in. They were followed by a big guy who was easily two and a half metres in height. He carefully closed the door against the chilly wintry blasts outside. Then he stooped and placed his hand on the floor- palm up.

The two tiny fellows hopped into his hand and the large fellow placed them carefully on the table beside the java urn. All three politely removed their red and green stocking caps.

"Hey! It's a girl, mates! And quite a looker too!" shouted Alvie, letting out a loud catcall whistle. Sure enough, the second tiny 'fellow' was a blonde beauty almost half a foot tall. The 'girl' bristled and stomped her booted feet on the table angrily.

"I am not a girl, sir! I am an 'Elfette', you male Chauvinist pig! Well? Tell them why we are here, 'Patrick'! Oh do sit down, 'Jojo'! Well? Is not anyone going to offer us a chair? And it is quite cold outside so a nice cup of hot cocoa and some biscuits would not come amiss either." said the tiny 'elf lady'.

Kris rummaged in his sack of goodies and came out with two doll house armchairs which he set beside the cookies tray nearer to the huge blazing fire. The 'lady' held out her bare hands to the blaze before she shucked off her parka, removed her gloves and scarf and sat down. 'Patrick' pulled off her boots and socks and she warmed her icy feet by the fireplace.

She sighed and gratefully accepted a cup of cocoa from Andy. Alvie handed one to 'Patrick' and Hogan gave one- a normal sized cup- to 'Jojo'. "No, 'Fern', dearest sister. You must not remove your jumpsuit in mixed company. It is most unladylike." said her brother, the other tiny fellow when 'Fern' began unzipping her tunic.

"Idiot brother! I am not getting undressed! I am warming my body a little is all. 'Jojo'? Have you the letter for Miss O'Halloran? Well? Give it to the lady, please. This cocoa is yummy. Have you any oatmeal?" said the young 'Elfette' who seemed to be in charge of the trio.

"The 'lady' isn't here, Miss 'Fern'. Helga? Where's Willy?" asked Bobby Hogan.

"Out ski-ing mit 'Friedricht' (General Burkhalter), Bob. Sherman's in charge. Shall I call him?" replied Helga.

"Ya better, kiddo. Ya know these folks, Kris?" asked Hogan. Kris beamed and pointed to 'Fern' and 'Patrick'.

"These two are my elves in charge of the dolls' clothing departments. The big guy's a mystery to me, son." replied Kris.

"Why ain't you two at the 'Pole Annex' on 'Gysymeo' with 'Jingle' and 'Jangle'?" asked the perturbed jolly old elf.

"We have a letter for the Boss Lady here. Ah! This looks like the man in charge. Goodness me! He seems to think that Terra's WW I is still in progress! 'Jojo'. Please give him the letter. It is OK. I trust this man." said 'Fern' and Colonel Sherman T Potter did a double take. He handed 'Sophie's reins to Kinch and took his seat behind the big desk.

"What's goin' on around here, boys? Wait a sec. Where are Pierce, Winchester and Hunnicutt?" demanded Potter who filled in for Kommandant Colonel Wilhelm Klink as CO of the combined 'Stalag 13' and 'MASH 4077th' bases.

The big guy saluted the older gentleman and produced a vid-doc 'letter' which Louie slid into a PDO unit and handed it to the older man. "I fergot me specs, son. What's it say?" asked Potter, shoving the PDO into Kinch's hands.

"Factory running behind schedule. Want to borrow several 'replicators' if possible. 'Jonathan Joestar' has kindly offered use of his 'rocketsled' transport. Am sending 'Fern' and 'Patrick' along with him should you require further explanations. Thanking you in advance, Sweetie. Your ever lovin' favourite elf (signed) 'Jingle Dingle Kringle'. PS- What are ya doing fer Christmas. I got some lovely elf drawings I'd love to show ya, Reds.- JDK, 'Gysymeo', 'North Pole Annex', Commanding."

"Anything else, sir?" asked Kinch after he had finished reading the 'vid-doc' to Potter.

"What the Sam Hill's all that bullcookie got to do with us?" demanded Potter.

"Apparently, my boys and gals are runnin' a bit behind fer Christmas Eve. They wanna borry some 'repper' thingys from ya to make up fer lost time, sir. Perhaps a half dozen-" suggested Kris.

"Better make it a dozen, Colonel. But- who's this 'Jonathan Joestar' fella?" replied Bobby.

"Me. I'm 'Jonathan Joestar', 'Jojo' fer short. I am a wielder of 'Haman' blood-infused power. I sorta protect the world, the Earth or as you call it- Terra. I made a repair stopover on 'Gysymeo' and your lil guys and gals were kind enough to lend me a hand in fixin' my 'rocketsled' so I'm givin' these two a ride over here to get these 'reppy' gadgets and then ferry 'em back home with 'em. Any more java?" explained 'Jojo'. Helga refilled his cup and sat down again.

"How many elves are on 'Gysymeo', Kris?" asked 'Wolfgang Hochstetter' who was busily folding the laundry. Helga had trained her new hubby well!

"I sent a hundred and fifty with 'J&J'. Why?" replied the bearded gent in red.

"With these two, 'J&J' and 'Jojo', that makes 154. Correct?" asked Wolfgang. 'Jojo' held up his hand.

"Not correct. Make that a hundred and fifty-three. I ain't got the time to sit around makin' toys fer kids. I got a planet to protect and defend." chortled 'Jojo'.

"OK. One-Five-Three it is. Give 'em a hundred and sixty, just in case some break down or get busted. OK by you, Sherm?" said the former Gestapo SS major.

"It's your show, not mine. As long as the Boss don't mind, it's finestkind by me. 'Radar'!" yelled Potter.

"One hundred and sixty 'replicators' are being loaded aboard Mr Joestar's 'rocketsled', sir." replied 'Walter O'Reilly', the company clerk of the '4077th MASH' whom everyone affectionately knew as 'Radar' because of his mind reading abilities.

"Just once I'd like to be able to tell you something to do before you do it, 'Radar'." grumbled Potter good-naturedly.

"Sorry about that, sir. All loaded up, Mr J. Takin' the kids along too?" asked the myopic former US Army corporal. This remark earned him an angry glance from both 'Fern' and 'Patrick' and a hearty 'ho-ho-ho' from Kris.

"If it's OK with you folks, I'd like to spend the holidays here on 'Victorine' after I drop these two and the 'repper' things off at 'Gysymeo'?" whispered 'Jojo' to Potter who grinned and nodded his head.

"What a swell bird. Too small for me though." chuckled Alvie after they'd seen 'Jojo' off the planet.

"Yeah. More to Louie's tastes I'd say." added Andrew.

"Thank you very much. Just for that, you can cook your own dinner." said a very pissed off Frenchman who was self-conscious about his small stature.

"Knock it off, guys. OK, who wants to bunk with 'Jojo'?" asked Hogan and nobody's hands went up.

"He can use our guest bedroom if it's alright with Helly?" suggested Wolfie, glancing at his lovely blonde wife.

"Ja. Dot vill be OK, 'Streudel Dumpling'. Ach! Mein bannocks are burning! Verzaihung! (Excuse me!) back in a minuten." replied Helga, dashing for her kitchen. Their small cottage directly adjoined the combined 'Stalag 13'/'MASH 4077th' HQ office building where they were all sitting.

"She ist a good vife. I think I vill keep her." chuckled Wolfie as soon as his wife was out of earshot. He forgot that, like most females on 'Vic', Helga possessed 'mind send' powers.

"Did I hear 'Streudel'? I love 'Streu-Del'! Vhere ist das? I hope dot 'Fred-Die' haf not eaten it all up?" said the slavering 'Schultzy' who had come in as 'Jojo', 'Patrick' and 'Fern' were going out.

"None before dinner, 'Hans'. Make yourself useful. Set the table." said the little Frenchman who was replenishing the cookie trays. Hogan took a handful of 'Snickerdoodles' and munched away on them.

"You'll just have to give 'Xylo' the recipe for these cookies, Louie. Hmmm. They are so delicious!" said an appreciative Bobby.

"Finestkind, mon Colonel. Sacre bleu! Where did this buxom beauty come from I wonder? Dibs! I saw her first, guys! Come on! Let's introduce ourselves to the lovely lady!" shouted LeBeau who was halfway out the portals.

"Bon soir, mon ami! I am your slave forever- Louis Villiers LeBeau at your service, Mademoiselle!" announced the little Frenchman, sweeping his chef's toque from his head and bowing deeply to the red-haired woman astride the magnificent black 'steedbeast' stallion in the Stalag/MASH unit's front yard. The ravishing girl blinked a few times and then looked all around the camp.

"Where the Hell am I? This sure as Hell does not look like the 'Hellesgarde' that I remember seeing a few seconds ago! What witchery be this, ye skurly knaves?" shrieked the warrior maiden angrily, drawing her broadsword and flailing it about dangerously until Kinch deftly yanked it out of her gloved fingers.

"Little girls should not play with sharp toys, Missy." chuckled the former NCO from Terra. "And I'll take that if ya don't mind, Love." added former RAF Corporal Alvin Newkirk when the lass yanked a long sword-dagger from her metal 'greaves'. "What the Hell? She's wearing a 'chain mail hauberk tunic' and that's an ancient 'Teutonic broadsword'! What have you got there, Alvie? Great Gott! Das ist ein gross boar-sticker, ist der nicht?" yelled an astonished Wolfgang Hochstetter who was wiping his hands on a dish towel. He'd pulled KP duty tonight while his better half was asleep in their back bedroom.

"Very well! You have managed to disarm 'Jirel of Joiry'. (She extended her hands to them.) I surrender so do with me what thous wilt, sirs. I will nae resisteth ye. I am overweary from today's exertions. My men-at-arms must languish yet another night in that cowardly 'Guy of Garlot's dungeons! I implore ye to tell me where lieth 'Hellesgarde' for I have urgent business there this night. Whom be thy leader? Answer me, curs!" screamed out milday angrily until a blonde bombshell wearing a pink pegnoir over a green silk nightie stormed out of the office building, dragged milady unceremoniously from her 'steedbeast' and smacked the redhead across the jaw- hard! One does not wake up an exhausted Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter and not pay the penalty, my friends!

"Great Gott im Himmel! Vas ist dot you are vearing, Reds? You veigh a ton mit dot getup you haf gots on, dammit!" yelled Klink's former secretary back on Terra. "Ach tung! Come mit me und ve vill find you zomething sensible to vear, liebchen." cooed a now calmed down Helga. Meekly, 'Jirel' allowed herself to be led like a lamb by the taller older blonde woman.

'When in 'Romelandt', do what the Romans do.' This was 'Milady Jirel's new philosophy until she could re-arm herself. Then- watch out, yellow-haired vixen! The swordswoman fumed inwardly at Helga and the others while she pasted a smile outwardly onto her dainty lips.

"I will not fail ye, my warriors! I swear this by the crosshilt of my broadsword!" she repeated to herself- over and over again while she allowed Helga to remove her armoured mail, boots, steel 'greaves', 'helm', garments and undergarments. She had to admit that the new clothing that the blonde girl had given to her was much warmer and more colourful than the drab grey of her 'mailed tunic' and shiny 'greaves'.

"There! Now you rezembles a voman uf our century und not zome harlot Viking varrior kveen." announced Helga while she was pulling on a tan flight suit and squeezing her feet into grey deck boots. 'Jirel' did look striking in her black and silver flightsuit over 'Mithril' underwear and those silver deck boots totally complimented the ensemble beautifully. All that she needed now was some sort of a weapon!

"Damnation! I almost forgot this! Don't go anywhere mitout dis, Honey." cooed Helga softly while she was buckling a gunsash and a Mark IX ion cannon pistol onto the amazed warrior girl from who knew where?

"You would trust me with a weapon? Even such a small toy weapon, Milady Helga?" asked the astounded 'Jirel'.

"Of course, my dear girl. And that is no toy gun either, Dearie. Watch this." replied Helga. She drew out her own Mark IX and calmly fired out the window at part of the old 'Stalag 13' barbed wire fencing. Whoosh! A ball of flame arced across the compound and when the smoke cleared, part of the fence was gone! "And that was on the very lowest setting, 'Jirel', isn't it?" added the blonde beauty from Hammelburg in WWII Nazi Germany on ancient Terra.

Although she was quite impressed, 'Jirel' was not one to let such a golden opportunity slide through her fingers either. Yanking the Mark IX away from a very surprised Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter, 'Jirel' grabbed the older girl and frog-marched her at pistol point into the 'office' where Kommandant Klink had just come on duty, relieving Colonel Sherman T Potter at suns set.

"Do not move, gentlemen. Milady Helga and I are leaving. If anyone tries to stop us, I will not hesitate to use this 'firewand'. You have been warned." said 'Jirel of Joiry' in a cold icy voice which had been known to cause fully grown warriors to tremble in their 'greaves'!

END of Chapter 9. Chapter 10 'Jirel's Jest' or 'Where Is Hellesgarde?' to follow soon. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and are looking forward to a great New Year's Day 2017. My name is 'Jirel of Joiry' and I am stuck here- wherever here is- for only the good God knoweth how long. Farewell for now from me, the newest member of Your Friendship Team. Read/Review/Suggest away and we appreciate yer loyalty, support and suggestions too!- Story Teller Guy and Bossman KZ.


	10. Ch10'Jirel'sJest'Where Is Hellesgard'

VOV

Chapter 10 'Jirel's Jest' or 'Where Is Hellesgarde?'

DISCLAIMER: OK! So how the Hades was I supposed to know that I was in another Century on another world in another dimension and far into my own future? Oh halloo there! Allow me to introduce meself- 'Lady Jirel of Joiry'- at your service mums and sirrahs.

I had felt that I had been kidnapped- steed and all- and dragged off to Lord knoweth where and when. So- I did what comes natural-like to a warrior gal like me. I grabbed a hostage and demanded safe passage back to 'Hellesgarde'! A glance outside showed me that both suns had set in the- South? Then I noticed- seven Moons above us? Where the Hell am I?

OK. that's how Chapter 9 ended for you kindly folks. Now, I have been asked to read this drivel. Dry as old bones! We want to thank all of the Creators whose creations we have used, are using and/or may use in future. We especially want to thank a gentleman named Mr Haruka-San Takachiho without whose Angelic creations we would be unable to bring you these adventures of the 'Lovely Angels' of the 3WA whatever the devil that may be! OK, I'd better let my new friend, Helga Schmidt-Hochstetter take up the tale. Sorry about the misunderstanding, Helga dear. Has the swelling gone down yet?

I was really stupid today, vas I nicht? First, I give a veapon or two to Milady Jirel. Den, I show der hussey vhat it can do- on der lowest zetting! Den, I ist schtupid enough to allow der red-headed harlot to take it avay from me! Der foolish maedchen (girl) did nicht realizes dot she vas jammin' der Mark IX into mein back mit der zafety schtill activated!

Der 'schtalag guys' moved sviftly und blocked der doorvay. Den der little minx vhistled und her steedbeast run in past Hogan und his boys. She easily schvung herzelf up onto der zaddle, but vhen she tried to yank me aboard mit her, Jirel almost fell off der horsey! Dot vas vhen she brought der Mark IX's butt across mein schkull und I vent to beddie bye byes!

Dot vas vhen Kinch stepped forward und grabbed Jirel's horsey's bridle vhile Alvie (Newkirk) und Andrew (Carter) managed to disarm milady. Our resident Frenchman, Louie LeBeau, vas on his knees, kissing milady's boot tips und professing his undying love und affection for der tall redheaded varrior queen.

As soon as everything vas explained to our newest lady friend (By Doctor #4 and Zoe Martin), Milady Jirel of Joiry- vas dot a place or a clan I vonder?- apologized to everyone und insisted on assisting mit der care of Volfgang's poor wife, Helga. After all, she had administered the bump on the blonde's noggin herself. Ach! I have been hanging around Helga and company too long. I sound positively Teutonic these days!

"Are ya sure ya found all of yer toys that ya planted out here, Andrew?" asked a worried Alvin Newkirk.

"Yeah, I think so, Alvie. Hey! That ain't one of mine, man." replied Andrew Carter, stooping to pick up a small white globule.

"Don't touch that damned thing, Jackass! That looks like one of 'Kitten's playthings." warned a gruff voice from across the compound. Rally Vincent had just landed her blue and white Shelby Cobra 'muscle' car. A much shorter blonde had soon joined the tall brunette.

"Golly! I thought I'd picked up all of them 'boom balls', Rally. Please don't touch it, Mr Carter." whined the 'Blonde Bomber', Minnie Mae 'Kitten' Hopkins. The 'Gunsmith Cats' duo were famous for causing lots of collteral damages to stuff both back home in Chicago and here on Victorine.

"Why? I'm a munitions expert, girlie." demanded Andy Carter. Rally blew a few smoke rings and stuck her lit cheroot back into her mouth before replying.

"Duh! They're pressure sensitive, kiddo." she drawled.

"So?" asked Carter.

"If ya touch it, it'll go 'boom', sir." explained Mae who was using a tiny 'tractoring beam' to maneuvre the white ball into a fireproof blast sack. Andrew was busy being sick all over Alvie's shiny boots.

"Charmin', just charmin', Andrew. Any more at home like ya?" said the RAF flyer sarcastically.

"Any more of those damned things lying around the compound, 'Kitten'?" asked Kinch. She shook her blonde head.

"Nope. That was the last one, Mr Kinchy, sir. I gotta fly this over to the ammo dump and detonate it, man. Who's gonna fly me up into the mountains? Rally?" replied Mae, clutching her sack to herself and standing beside the big blue and white Shelby Cobra muscle car.

"Unh unh! No way, 'Bomber Girl'! How about one of you big strong brave guys giving the kid a lift, eh?" asked Rally.

"I would be happy to do it for Mademoiselle Hopkins, but my driving license- she has- how you say- expired?" said the little Frenchman, Louie LeBeau.

"Dot's all right, LeBeau. As der ranking officer, I give you permission to fly. Und dot's an order! Get her out of here!" ordered Freddie Burkhalter whose promotion to Assistant Vice-Marshall had taken effect yesterday. He once again outranked Brigadier Hogan.

"Watch the turbulence, Mr LeBeau. Unless you wanna blow us all to smithereenies, sir." warned Mae, seating herself gingerly beside the Frenchman in the closest sky sled. Reaching across, Louie carefully strapped the blonde beauty into her seat and carefully snapped the top shut before he strapped himself into the pilot's seat and lifted off as quietly as he could manage before he picked up speed and sped across the aether on the short jaunt to Mt Peabody.

"Whoa! Whoa there, Sophie! We're home now. Anything excitin' happen while we were gone, Willy?" asked acting Vice- Marshall Sherman T Potter, easily dismounting his beloved mare. Bow-legged, he walked into his office and he only winced twice. Horse-back riding is not very good for one's back- even on another world.

"Not much, mate. Just that Andrew almost blew up the camp is all, sir." replied Alvin Newkirk, sarcastically.

"I did not, Alvie! I found the mine, didn't I?" snapped Carter angrily.

"By almost steppin' on the bloody thing." explained Kinchloe.

"Hot mustard on my weiners! Where's that puppy now, dammit? Pierce? Is this another one of yours and Hunnicut's jokes? I oughta-" snarled the little former US Cavalryman, hopping up and down like a bandy-legged rooster.

"For once, sir, they are both innocent, Colonel. Calm yourself, sir. The chef has flown Miss Hopkins up to the mountains to dispose of it properly, sir. (Charles Emerson Winchester III, MD, Boston MA USA Earth glanced at his wristchromo and frowned) I do hope that the little fellow gets back here in time to cook dinner though. When we were transported to this horrible place, my larder and wine cellar did not make the trip with me- more's the pity." said Subaltern Winchester sadly.

"Oh, shut up, Charles. Go and rep up something for yourself, Tubby. I hope that they are both safe and sound by now and are perhaps on their way back- home. Yes, I suppose that this is home for us- at least for now. May as well make the best of it, eh?" said Subaltern (jg) Margaret Hoolahan who was sick of Charles's beefing and griping. Since arriving here on 'Vic', 'Hot Lips' had suddenly lost several kilograms of weight and grown an inch taller than she had been on Terra. Her newfound beauty had made her look so much younger that Allie had added athe 'jg' to her new promotoon ranking. Margaret was as proud as a peacock on the parade ground.

"Tubby? Madam, may I remind you that I am a Winchester! We are occasionally a bit overweight, but nobody has ever called a Winchester 'Tubby'! Furthermore-" said the pompous pain in the neck before Potter bellowed for silence.

"How could we ever forget that you are a Winchester, sonny? You remind us of that fact constantly! I'm sick of your beefing! See if you and Captain Kinchloe can raise them on the radio. Now Winchester, not tomorrow! Move your tail unless you need a little help- from my boots!" thundered the little CO of MASH 4077th. Charles hustled into the comm shack with Kinch.

"Stand clear, sir. Quick! Behind those rocks, sir. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and-" said Mae, holding her gloved hands over her ears and signing for Louie to do likewise. He merely crouched behind the boulders and yawned. Explosions were no big deal to him!

KA-VLOOM! Suddenly, it was raining rocks and Louie had gone deaf! "Swallow hard a few times, sir. Your hearing will soon return. I told you to cover your ears, sir. These explosives are ten times more powerful than ours are on Terra, sir. Feeling better? Oh, excuse me, sir. (She touched her comm badge) Yes? Hopkins here. What? Yes, I just detonated it, sir. Whom is speaking, sir? Suba Winchester? Oh, the jolly fat guy, right, sir? Well! If Rally heard what you just said to me, sir, she would wash your mouth out- with soap! I'm only sixteen, man! Huh? Yes, we'll be back home in a few minutes. Hopkins out. C'mon, Captain. Fatso called and they need you to make dinner for us, sir." said Mae, tossing the empty fireproof sack into the sled and hopping into the front seat and strapping herself in. Louie shrugged and took his place in the pilot's seat, strapped himself in and snapped shut the dome before he lifted off and rocketed off towards home. They were moving a Helluva lot faster than they had flown on their way up.

"Mission accomplished, guys. Louie? Ya better have one o' the docs have a look at your ears. He didn't cover his ears before the blast. Big macho man, huh? Sheesh! Go, man! Rally and me'll cook dinner- I mean, rep it up for ya." scolded Mae while Rally made a beeline for her car. "Freeze, 'Cat'! Set the table while I start reppin'. Somebody please fly Captain LeBeau over to the clinic. The sooner he gets those ears checked, the better, man. Helly? Could you please start the java brewin' for us? Thanks. Everyone else- outta the kitchen." Mae shouted out her orders like a US Marine Corps drill sergeant.

"Are you certain that this world is 'Zamarkand', my 'Lord Beerus', sir?" asked the tall blond guy who looked a Helluva lot like InuYasha's brother, Sesshomaru. In point of fact, however, he was 'Whis', personal attendant and martial arts master to Lord Beerus, the God of Destruction and Ruler of several Universes.

"Of course I am, fool. However, when I last visited here, a race of 'Djinn' guardians protected the people. Now-" replied his master who resembled a lionman. In fact, he was not unlike this race of beings from 'Mongo'.

"How long ago was that, my lord?" asked Whis quietly. His ambre eyes shone brightly on his teal face.

"Oh, say- ten thousand millenia, give or take a century. Ah! I see what you mean, Whis. Since that time, this world has changed a lot." answered 'Beerus' whose personal mission was to find the 'Golden Super Saiyaan God of Power' and defeat him. He and Whis had sensed his energy on this tiny world.

"Yes, sire. It has only recently been 'terraformed' and repopulated. According to the 'Galactic Compendium', it is in the process of being 'colonized'. It is now known as-" quoted Whis from the 'GC' floating in mid-aether before his eyes.

"How long since this 'transformation'?" demanded the cat-like creature who was eons older than the eldest 'Gallifreyan' time lord.

"Almost a solar year, sire. It is under the command of those pesky '3WA'-ers from 'Shimougou', sir." replied the soft-spoken humanoid.

"This world is now known as 'Victorine'. Welcome back, my Master, Lord Whis. Ahura Gladius Mazdan. At your service, sire. We 'Djinn' still protect this world. Well, I am the sole survivour of our once magnificent race. May I inquire as to why ye hath come back after all of these millenia?" roared a voice from the aether.

"It is very impolite to remain invisible to thy Master and his acolyte, sir. Reveal thyself immediately." ordered Whis and slowly the giant 'Djinn' materialized until he towered several hundred metres above the tallest mountain peak.

"Thou hast not changed in the slightest, my Master. Ye hath put on some weight, my dear Lord Whis." chuckled the giant.

"You protect this realm, my friend. However, who actually rules here on- 'Victorine', 'Gladdy'?" asked Beerus with a yawn.

"That would be me, milord. 'President-Marshall Allison Poe-Prydonia' of the 3WA, sir." said the short redhead who carefully lowered herself from her steedbeast. Then she curtseyed low and placed her forehead against Beerus's gloved hands. "At your service, milord, sir." she added.

"Rise, my dear child. Ah. I see that you are 'Gallifreyan'. A time lady, perhaps? (Allie nodded and stood beside her mount) Are there many of you here, Madam Marshall?" asked Beerus, signing for Whis to hold the lady's steedbeast for her.

"Not on this side of the planet, sir. However, on the other side of this mountain we have a small encampment. On the other side of the river, we are building a great new city. Pardon my affrontery, sir, but why are you and this gentleman here?" she replied, her emerald eyes burning into the cat thing's yellow orbs.

"We seek he who is the 'Golden Super Saiyaan God of Power', mum." answered Whis. He was still floating in mid-aether.

"The only 'Golden Super Saiyaan' we have is Goku Son. Could he be the gentleman you seek, sir? If he is, you are lacking in good fortune because he is off hunting those golden 'Dragon Balls' with his wife and sister-in-law. He is not due back here before MarAp. May I offer you the hospitality of our new world, sir? And you as well, sir." said Allie, accepting a 'leg up' from 'Gladdy' to mount her steedbeast.

Allie galloped off towards the camp. Lord Beerus and Whis flew beside her, having no problem keeping up with her steedbeast. Gladdy reduced himself down to human size and floated above them.

"Now that's something that ya don't see every day, Johnny. A bird on an 'orse followed by Gladdy and two flyin' lunatics." chortled Alvin Newkirk.

"What bird, Alvie? Oh, it's only Lady Alley Cat, Englander. Sacre bleu! My pies are burning! Andy was supposed to be watching them for me, dammit!" howled the Frenchman, dashing off to the kitchen.

"What the Sam Hill's all the yellin' about? I'm tryin' to sleep." demanded Sherman T Potter who was rubbing the sand out of his eyes. The Colonel was wearing a shortie kimono, a Christmas prezzie from the 'Green Baron', Friedrich von Dekker.

"Nice legs, dearie. How much did that outfit set ya back, Honey?" asked a strange teal-faced alien humanoid who was dressed all in white and carrying a spear.

"Whis! Mind yer manners, dammit. My Kami! What a dump. 'Zamarkand' has sure gone downhill over the last few millennia, has it not? Excuse me Madam. Please allow me to apologize for my uncouth associate. Name's Beerus, God of Destruction." said the lion-like nekomata who had just floated into the office.

"Pardon me. He's a little cranky when he first awakens from his five centuries' nap, dear friends. Go and put the kettle on for us, Honey. You have guests." ordered Whis who was seated in mid-aether on a small cloud. Without waiting for an invitation, Beerus sat down behind the CO's desk.

"Damn you! I'm in command here, dammit! Get outta my chair, you overgrown bobcat! Alvie! Throw these buffoons outta here! Call the guards! Klinger!" screeched Sherman angrily.

"You called, my lord?" said 'Scarlett O'Hara' who was wearing a floor length dinner gown in a light shade of blue topped off with a veiled bonnet covered with roses.

"Oh! I must have that outfit, Darling! Did you catch it on sale at 'Zamazon.7thuniverse?" cooed Whis.

"Klinger! It's the middle of the morning! Why are you wearing an evening gown?" demanded 'Major BJ Hunnicut'.

"Morning, Sherm. We could all use some booze. Break out the Skotch. Oh, we have company. Make it the good stuff." yawned 'Major Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce'. The doctors from MASH 4077th had just awakened. Well, it was only ten AM so what did Sherm expect?

"Sherman? That is a strange name for a lady, Honey." said a perplexed Whis.

"Good morning, Brigadier, sir. I see that you have met our guests. Mr Kinchloe? Could you please stable 'Thunderbolt' for me? Thank you ever so much. Please be seated, gentlemen." said Allison, pouring herself some tea and standing beside the fireplace.

"Excuse me, but what about the lady, Madam Marshall? 'Miss Sherman' I mean." replied Whis.

"And 'Miss Gone With the Wind' here?" chuckled Lord Beerus.

"They ain't ladies, matey. That's our CO, Brigadier Potter and he's our guard, Lt Maxwell Q Klinger. It's a long story, fellas." laughed Alvie. Louie LeBeau chose that moment to enter the office carrying a java pot, followed closely by Schultzy who was carrying a huge tray of baked goodies.

"I love streudel, little cockroach." said the overweight first lieutenant who was a former German Luftwaffen sergeant.

"We know, Schultzy. Put that tray down before you drop it. Now, who wants java?" said the little Frenchman.

"Oh dearie me. I seem to have committed a minor faux pas. Will you please forgive me, Sweetie?" apologized Whis, kissing Potter's hand. Beerus was dancing with Klinger and enjoying himself immensely, all thoughts of the 'Golden Super Saiyaan God' apparently forgotten.

"Stop that, durn it! And don't call me Sweetie! I'm Brigadier Sherman Tyler Potter, US Cavalry, Medical Corps. I'm boss around here!" yelled Potter.

"That is not quite correct, Sherman. We are in command of this camp. Your pardon, sirs. Brigadier Wilhelm Johann Klink, at your service. Why is that pussy cat sitting at my desk and smoking my cigars and drinking my brandy? Hogan, is this your doing?" demanded the monocled old fool who had once commanded the toughest POW camp in all of Germany.

"Don't look at me, Willy. I dunno who the Hell these two bozos are, man. Could ya keep it down to a dull roar, please? Helly and Xylo need their beauty sleep. Acting Vice-Marshall Robert Hogan at yer service, gents. Thanks, Carter. I need caffeine today. Who are yer new playmates, Kinch?" asked Bob Hogan.

Lord Beerus was bored so he amused himself by pointing a claw at the wastebasket and setting it on fire! "My Lord! We are guests here, my liege. Try and control yourself. He's just a bit bored is all. He is always this way when he has only destroyed a few worlds. Well, he IS the God of Destruction you know." explained Whis who froze the flames with a single glance from his ambre eyes.

"Where did they escape from, Bobby? 'Lazarus 6'?" asked an amazed Kinchloe.

"We are from the '7th Universe', gentlemen. We are seeking he who is the 'Golden Super Saiyaan God of Power'." said Whis.

"They must be looking for Goku, Gohan, GoTen, Trunks or Vegeta. Did I miss any of our super Saiyaans, guys?" asked Allie who was going through the morning mail on Sherman's desk.

"You permit this woman to read your correspondence, sir?" demanded Whis while his superior hid a smirk.

"Why not? It's hers, ain't it?" yawned 'Hawkeye', pouring out more booze for himself, Potter and BJ.

"Gotcha there, sonny. She's the boss lady." chuckled Potter.

"But, I thought that you-" began Lord Beerus. Sherman and even Klink grinned.

"We are co-COs of the MASH camp and the Stalag 13 camp. Allie's in charge o' the whole danged planet." explained Potter. Lord Beerus dropped cup and biscuit. Whis retrieved them with a glance before they could hit the floor.

"She's the boss? A mere woman?" said an astonished God of Destruction. Whis was staring out of the window.

"Forgive him. He is a male Chauvinist pig." yawned Whis.

"Charmin'! Just what we need- another one." said Alvie.

"And what is that supposed to mean, Captain Newkirk?" demanded a small white doggie wearing a Saville Row suit, topper, spats and sporting a monocle. Mr Peabody tossed his cane at the hatrack and sat down. "Whiskey and soda. Hop to it, Missy." he demanded, snapping his fingers at Allie who obediently mixed his drink and handed it to him. Anything to keep peace in the family.

"Ach! All I did was suggest to the cockroach dot his zoup needed more zalt und he ordered me out uf der kitchen! Me! Me who used to be a gneral und am now an Assistant Vice-Marshall!" shouted the obese Freddie Burkhalter. "Zo! Now ve are taking in stray cats, Klink?" he added. Lord Beerus yawned and nonchalantly pointed a claw at Freddie.

"No! Not cool, sire! Control yourself, please." said Whis quietly and Beerus strode over to stand beside Allie at the fireplace. He helped himself to a few cookies and munched away hungrily. Beerus was always hungry- like Schultzy.

"Now about this 'Golden Super Saiyaan God' or Saiyaans? Where is he or them?" demanded Lord Beerus, tapping his paw on the hearthstone.

"Oh dear me. Master is getting that look again. The last time I saw that look was the last time we were on 'Andreus Ten'." said Whis. Allison looked confused.

"But that planet was destroyed in a solar flare explosion five hundred solar years ago, Mr Whis, sir." she said.

"Exactly, milady. Only it was not a solar flare explosion that brought an end to that world, Madam Marshall." replied Whis.

"You can't possibly mean that- Hot tabasco sauce! You mean that this tabby cat-" stammered Sherman.

"Yes, I blew it up, Gramps. I did not care for their cooking." replied Beerus who was using the fireplace to sharpen his claws.

"If I were you, mum, I would tell him where to find these Saiyaans we are seeking." whispered Whis to Allie.

"That is impossible, Mr Whis. Wait. I am not refusing. I just have no idea where they are at the moment. They are traveling with Mr Vegeta's wife aboard her 'Lady Foucault' timeship." answered Allie.

"They're lookin' fer gold balls so they kin talk to some dragon, sir or is it ma'am? It's hard to tell sometimes." said Carter.

"Ya kin says that again, Lt Carter. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference." agreed Sherman, glancing at 'Scarlett O'Hara'.

"I assume that you can comm relay this woman, Madam?" asked Beerus quietly and a crack appeared on the hearthstone.

"How is he doin' that, Bobby? Miss Donovan has an energy dampener shield around this camp, don't she?" asked a puzzled John Kinchloe.

"Oh. That old thingy? They do not work on us, sir. Sire? Please try and refrain from wrecking the place. After all, we are guests and I smell delicious odours emanating from the kitchen. You have not had lunch yet you know." said Whis.

"I made bouillabase for lunch. And I repped up a bottle of Chateau Rothschildt 1821. It is a light white wine with just the right hint of sweetness. You can start with the Caesar salad and the Vichysoisse which I have chilled to perfection. Come and sit down, milords. Schultzy! Stop eating up all the rolls! Put the basket on the table. Dig in. Bon appetit, mon ami." said the proud little Frenchman. Whis and Beerus did not ignore the invitation.

"Excellent! I have never tasted anything like this food before, little man! I am quite pleased." said Beerus, his mouth full of fish stew. Whis smiled and carefully buttered a roll.

"You may relax now. Your world is safe. However, I would put in that signal to these Saiyaans as soon as possible." said Whis.

"What d'ya want with the Saiyaan pigs, mate?" asked Newkirk.

"To fight them and prove that I am the most powerful being in all of the Universes. Pass me the pepper, please." explained the nekomata cat creature. He began to purr contentedly.

"That's great! Those guys love to fight! We could make a bundle bettin' against this dude, BJ. Nobody can beat any of 'em, especially Goku." whispered 'Hawkeye' to BJ Hunnicut.

"And what odds are there for my Master, Major Pierce, sir?" asked Whis.

"Don't be ridiculous, Whis. Who would dare bet against the God of Destruction himself?" chuckled the cat thing.

"Ever hear of 'Cell'- the Android created by 'Dr Gero', sir?" laughed Allie.

"This 'Go-Ku' person defeated him?" asked an astounded Whis.

"Nah. His kid defeated the guy. Gohan was only seven at the time though." replied Hogan.

"That settles it! I must fight all of these Super Saiyaans! Place a signal to this woman's ship immediately! I so order you, Madam Marshall!" snarled Lord Beerus.

"Want me to try and contact Bulma, Allie?" asked Kinch who was the comm relay officer for both the stalag and the MASH unit. Slowly the 'Gallifreyan' time lady nodded her head. Kinch disappeared into the comm room.

"Brigadier Hogan. Please tell Captain Kinchloe to order Subaltern Brief to return here post haste. That is a direct order from me, sir. Tell her that, sir." said Allie in a tone that brooked no arguments.

"What? A direct order, sir? Dammit all! We have found all but the last Dragon Ball, man! Aw, can't we wait just a little bit longer? Pretty please, sir?" cajoled Bulma Brief who was aboard her 'Lady Foucault' timeship with most of the Saiyaan tribe.

"Negative, Honey. You are to return home at once. Oh and tell Goku and Vegetable there's a guy here who thinks he can take 'em both in combat. Name's Beerus and he looks like a cat. He's got a weird blue-green dude with him name o' Whis. Oh yeah and Alley Cat ain't in no mood for any excuses, Darlin'. Kinchloe out." replied the former USAF POW staff sergeant from ancient Terra.

"Well, that tears it! Ve-gee-ta! Go-ku! Front and centre, boyos!" shrieked Bulma and both Super Saiyaans were instantly standing beside the blue-haired bombshell.

"You bellowed, Dear?" grumbled Vegeta.

"Is it dinnertime already, Bully?" asked Goku. She smiled sweetly at her husband and brother-in-law.

"No. We just got orders to return home posthaste, guys. Where's Trunks and Goten? Has Gohan returned yet?" demanded Bulma.

"They're training- again. Videl and Pan have gone shopping with Bra and the Krillins. They took a shuttle to 'Medusa 6'. Gohan's still out hunting that last ball, Dear." explained Vegeta.

"I'm back, guys! Here's the last ball. Careful, it's still hot. Found it in a volcano on 'Idris 5'. Shoppers back yet? When's dinner?" said a jovial Gohan who had just materialized on the bridge. Krillin had wed the lovely former 'Android 18' after she had been 'humanized' three monthlets ago.

"We'll swing by 'Medusa 6' on the way back and pick 'em up. I just got orders from Her Kittyness. Oh yeah and some guys named Beerus and Whis wanna kick yer asses, boyos. Go strap in while I turn this boat around, man." ordered Bulma.

"OK, gotcha. We'll meet ya on that asteroid that's shaped like 'Oolong'. Huh? Yeah, it looks like a piggie, Bulma. Oh and we've picked up a hitch-hiker too. Huh? Drake's better half. Yeah, Yancie Drake-Drew or Drew-Drake or whatever, man! Pan! Put that nice man down, dear. I don't care if he did say a bad word to that other man. Oh, just Viddy's kid carrying on again. Wait'll Gohan gets his vidcredit doc bill this monthlet. Krilly! C'mon, we gotta split. Viddy! Bra! Panny! Let's motor! Bully's pickin' us up on the 'pig asteroid'. We've been recalled by the Alley Cat. OK, Bully. We'll be waitin'. Bye." said 'Estelle' formerly 'Android 18'.

"Hi, Lovey. What's all the yellin' about?" asked her small Z-fighter hubby, Krillin. A tiny white cat was flying behind him. They were pet-sitting 'Puwar' for 'Yamcha' who was on a space cruise with 'Oolong' for the next few weeks. The tall blonde quickly explained matters and began rounding up their brood. Soon they were boarding their shuttle with Videl at the pilot's controls.

"No, Yancie. Kinchy was adamant. No side trips on the way back home. You can just vidmail those papers to 'Leia'. I can't take you to 'Kurestan'. Now get strapped in so I can lift off, man. I don't need the 'Riot Act' read to me again by Allie." fumed Bulma after the shuttle was safely berthed on the 'LF' again.

"What is it, sir? On our way. See ya in a few hours. Bye." snapped Bulma, pocketing her vidcellphone and concentrating on finding the 'Adonis Arch' shortcut back to 'Victorine'.

"Simon! What the Hell's this damned thing? It's got lots o' dials and stuff on it, man." shouted 'Patricia Holm' from the hidden labouratory that she and the 'Saint' had just found beneath the Swiss chalet deep in the Alps of Switzerland.

"Will you keep quiet, Pat. Just because we haven't found any guards around does not mean that we are alone here, old girl. Good God! The professor did manage to create one, eh? Don't go inside that thing!" warned 'Simon Templar'.

"Hey! What's this thing do, man? It says '2260 AD'. Does that mean what I think it means?" asked the curious girl.

"I dunno. No! Pat! Don't pull that lever, dammit! Crap! Hold on, girl!" howled Simon and the room began to spin. He and Pat were tossed about like whirling dervishes until-

KAPLOP! The strange machine had come to rest on the banks of a strange looking body of water which appeared to the Saint's eyes to be man-made. Pat had already scrambled to her feet and was dusting off her grey designer jeans and black motorcycle jacket. Simon had drawn his Walther PPK automatic and cautiously stuck his head out of the machine.

Pat had pulled out her Colt .25 pearl-handled automatic pistol and was peering over his shoulder at the strange green sky.

"Where the Hell are we, Simon?" she asked worriedly. Simon's face was grim.

"I don't think we're in Switzerland anymore, old girl. Could this be the 23rd Century? Well, let's see which direction is North." replied the Saint.

"And how are we gonna do that, Sherlock?" she asked sarcastically.

"By looking at the Sun, of course. It always rises in the East and- What the Hell?" yelled Simon.

"Well? What does 'Old Sol' say, Darling?" demanded an impatient Pat.

"Which one, Love? There seem to be two of 'em up there. See for yerself, old girl." replied the debonair dark-haired gentleman.

"What do we do now, Sherlock?" asked a worried Pat Holm.

"I dunno, Miss. Where do you want to go, my dear lady?" asked the real 'Sherlock Holmes'. He puffed on his Calabash pipe, eyes twinkling as he squinted into the strong sunlight from 'Vic's twin suns.

"Or rather, where and when do you think you are, my dear?" chortled 'Dr John H Watson' who was standing beside his taller friend.

"Do you know the way to Luzerne, sirs?" asked a suddenly demure and soulful Pat, quickly pocketing her gun. Simon had already reholstered 'Annie'. He was still fingering 'Hugo', the stiletto blade strapped to his left forearm. It wasn't every day that one came face to face with two fictional characters.

"Nothing in the lake worth catchin' today, Sher. Oh, who're your new friends? Perry, you have any luck on the lake?" asked 'Paul Drake'. "No, Paul. Oh I beg your pardon. Name's Mason. I'm an attorney. My card, sir, madam." said Perry Mason who never let a potential client opportunity pass him by.

"You are not gonna believe us, but you are no longer on Earth or Terra as we call it these days. This world is 'Victorine' and the year is AD 2260, folks." explained Paul.

"Hey! That's the same date that was set on this damned machine we found in 'Professor Hingsten's lab, Simon! What a coincidence, man." said a wide-eyed Pat. Simon looked daggers at his 'old girl'. Pat just caouldn't keep her big trap shut.

"Oh my! Where did this piece of junk come from, Drake, old boy?" asked a distinguished looking white dog wearing the latest in Saville Row suits, spats, gaiters and topper. Mr Peabody was also sporting a monocle and carrying a sword cane. The 3WA logistics and strategies officer was peering inside the 'time machine' that Simon and Pat had borrowed from the weird-o professor back on Terra. "Hmmn. Nope. This thing has had it. No return controls at all. Looks to be 20th Century, circa 1967 I'd say. No Holmes, forget that idea. I cannot fix this thing for them. Too old for me to figure out." he added, lighting up a cheroot.

"Ya mean we're stuck here in this dump? What a bummer, man." whined Pat.

"Relax. Bulma's on her way back with the Dragon Balls. All we gotta do is wish 'em back to Earth, right?" suggested the perky Della Street who was carrying a fishing creel with her day's catch. Della was the only one of the 'legal eagles' team that had caught any fish today. Paul made a face at her and Perry grinned and stepped forward to help his confidential secretary with her burden.

"Manners, Darling! Hi there. My name's 'Pat Holm' and this is, er, 'Samuel Tombs'. Pleased to make yer acquaintances." said Pat.

"You mean 'Simon Templar', don't you, my dear? Sometimes known as the 'Saint', I believe?" observed Holmes.

"Amazing, Holmes!" said Watson.

"Elementary, my dear fellow." replied Holmes.

"No use, Pat. The game's up. This fellow is quite correct. I am the 'Saint'. How several fictional characters ever came to be on another world in our own futures is beyond me." said a puzzled Simon.

"Um, you and Miss Holm are also fictional characters, aren't you?" asked Paul.

"Spot on. You have us there, Mr Drake. However, we apparently came here aboard a time transport of some kind. And you?" asked Simon politely.

"Rather a long story and best told over a glass of Sherry, sir, madam. Shall we go? My sky sled is parked a few hundred metres up the trail. Follow me, of you please. Unless you fancy a twenty-eight kilometres hike back home?" chuckled the white doggie and everyone followed him back to his sled.

Paul assisted Della and Pat into the sled, then stowed away the fishing gear in the boot. Simon took a seat between the two ladies while Perry climbed in beside the gear. Paul hopped into the front passenger seat and Mr Peabody slid behind the piloting controls. "All strapped in, folks? OK. Please close the roof, Mr Drake. And away we go." said the white doggie, lifting off smoothly from the snow covered slope and quickly accellerating the craft. He turned East towards the setting suns. He was heading for the main staging area and space cargo lots.

(AN: 'Vic's twin suns rose in either the North or the South and set in the East depending on the seasons. Although technically part of the 'Milky Way's solar system, 'Victorine' was partly within the 'Andromeda Complex' system as well).

"How far is it to your home, Paul?" asked Pat Holm who was shivering in the frigid cabin. Designer jeans and leather jackets are far from being cold weather gear.

"Not far. About twenty or thirty miles. Not to worry. We'll be touching down in a few more minutes. Phew! Della's fish are sure stinking up the place. How'd you two manage to wind up here, Mr Templar?" asked Paul politely. Simon grinned.

"Milady here pulled the wrong lever. We were after a gang of counterfeiters in Switzerland. Please call me Simon. Bless you, old girl. You've got the sniffles." chortled the Saint when Pat began sneezing.

"Damned cold in here. And I ain't exactly dressed for this weather. Ah Choo!" whimpered Pat, huddling inside her crinkly jacket. Perry wrapped a spare parka around the shivering girl while Della poured out piping hot java for her and Simon. "Just the ticket, Miss Street. Thanks for the coat, Mr Mason, sir." added Pat.

"First names basis on 'Vic', Pat, Simon. I'm Perry, he's Paul, she's Della and that's-" said Perry, apparently unsure of what to call their hosting pilot.

"Mr Horace Peabody III. You may call me 'Mr Peabody'. See that mountain over there? That's 'Mt Peabody'. Named after yours truly. Aha! There's the river. Won't be long now, folks. The staging compound is just beyond that rise below us. You can see the HQ hut on the right. Brace yourselves. I'm a bit rusty on landings. Here we go." warned Peabody, sliding through the fresh snow beside the motor pool to a smooth stop. He looked more surprised than any of his passengers.

Simon gallantly assisted Della from the vessel while Paul helped Pat to the ground and led the way towards the big quonset hut. The others followed as quickly as they could. It began to snow and the wind freshened as the twin suns disappeared below the Eastern horizon. The first of seven moons rose high in the Northern sky. Mr Peabody stamped the snow from his boots and followed them inside.

"You're right, Simon. Looks like we ain't in Kansas anymore. Could this be Oz?" giggled Pat.

"That's how I felt, too. First time we got here. This is a newly refurbished planet. We call it 'Victorine'. Let me take your coat, Pat." said Paul.

"Where should I put these fish?" asked Simon. "Give 'em to me, laddie. Name's Harlock, call me Jonny. Looks like Louie will be making Trout a la King for dinner tonight. Who caught 'em? Perry or Paul?" asked Major Harlock.

"I caught 'em, Jonny. These two bozos had all the expensive gear and couldn't even catch a cold. I caught all of those beauties with my willow pole and a bent pin- just like Huck Finn!" laughed Della. Drake and Mason looked chastised.

Pat Holm glanced around and did a double take as did Simon. Both of them had been on military bases and outposts before, but none of them had even remotely resembled this place! The WW II German POW 'stalag' next door to a Korean War 'MASH' unit which they'd flown over had been weird enough. This place was comprised of old WW II US Naval 'quonset huts', a weird looking flying vessels 'motor pool' all situated on the shore of a wide 'river' connected to a 'lake' twice the size of all five of North America's 'Great Lakes'!

Then the 'doors' vanished on the largest hut and a short redhead dressed in the oddest looking red uniform that Simon had ever seen strolled out to meet them, gloved hand extended in greeting. Pat hesitated at the sight of the huge wolf thing and dog thing flanking the petite lady who looked young enough to be Pat's teeny-bopper sister back home in Hull!

"Down, boyos. We have guests so mind your manners and do be on your best behaviours. Good afternoon, sir, miss. Please excuse my bodyguards, will you not? They can seem quite possessive at times. However, they are quite tame. InuYasha, please take Miss Holm and Mr Templar to their suite. No luggage? Very well. Kouga, please assist Mr Mason, Miss Street and Mr Drake with their fishing things. Colonel, I have something to discuss with you, sir. After luncheon, if you please?" said the teen-aged girl who appeared to be in charge.

"Where are my manners today? Mr Simon Templar and Miss Patricia Holm, mum. This is our commander, President Marshall Allison Poe-Prydonia of the 3WA, 'Victorine Sector Outpost'." said, of all things, the white doggie who had piloted them here aboard his 'flying skysled' thing.

"Your pardon, ma'am. You, um, seem to already know us, but-" stammered Pat.

"Yes, mum. I do not believe that we have ever had the pleasure of your company. I could, of course, be mistaken. My memory-" began Simon, but 'Allie' waved away their concerns.

"Like most of our 'colonists', both male and female, I can 'sense' minds as well as 'mind send'. I 'sensed' your minds as soon as you landed by the river below 'Mt Peabody' aboard that strange early version of a 'TARDIS' time traveling box. You both hail from 20th Century Terra, Earth. From a country called Britain or England? However, you boarded your transport in a small country known as Switzerland. A place near Luzerne if I am 'reading' Miss Holm's mind correctly? You are trying to 'mask' your thoughts in a manner similar to our Saiyaan friends, Mr Templar. Oh my. Please do join us for luncheon, Miss Holm, Mr Templar." replied Allie, stunning the pair of them and causing polite laughter and giggling from the others. Simon joined in the laughs, but Pat was miffed.

"Of course we'll join you for dinner, mum. Please call me Simon and this is Pat. OK?" said the Saint.

"Yes and please call me Allie. Everyone else does. Ah, Pat has a question? Might I answer it, my dear? Yes, I am both president and commander here and yes, I am not quite human. My home world is 'Gallifrey' and I am what is known as a 'time lady'. Further questions must wait. I am feeling quite peckish for my luncheon. Della? Since their suite adjoins yours, could you please help them get settled in and then show them the way to the dining hall? Many thanks, my dear child. See all of you at luncheon. Good afternoon. Come, Colonel." replied Allie, bending slightly to allow the white doggie to take her arm.

"Down, boy." chuckled Paul Drake. "She's older than she looks- a Helluva lot older." he added.

"How much older, Paul?" asked Pat. He grinned.

"She's really still a kid, Honey. She was a mere one hundred and thirty-one on her last birthday." answered Paul.

"Son of a b-" said Pat before Simon clamped a hand across her mouth and smiled at everyone.

"Anyone seen Paul? He said he wouldn't miss lunch." asked a tallish blonde who looked like a Texas cowgirl who was sporting a strange looking 'gun' on her right hip and who had an unusual 'rifle' strapped across her back.

"Hullo, Darling. Fancy meeting you here." said a worried looking Paul Drake.

"I'll bet. Who's the broad? Paul! You haven't been cheating on me, have ya?" she snapped angrily and Perry choked on his vodka martini.

"Who the Hell you callin' a broad, you blonde bimbo?" yelled Pat, fires blazing in her dark eyes.

"You little hussey! I oughta belt ya one!" howled the blonde 'Mrs Drake-Drew' who had just returned from 'Dragon Ball' hunting with the Saiyaans and Bulma Brief.

"Think ya got the guts, Honey? Bring it on, baby!" yelped Pat, tossing her motorcycle jacket at Simon while 'Yancey Drake-Drew' tossed off her Stetson ten gallon cowgirl hat, unbuckled her gunsash and unlimbered her phaser rifle. Jonathan Harlock had seen enough of this mess. He strode across the compound and grabbed each young lady by an arm and dragged them inside the large hut. Simon picked up Pat's jacket while Paul and Perry and Della retrieved Yancey's junk.

Jonny dragged the two protesting ladies into an office and plopped them into chairs facing a huge desk. Whoever was sitting behind that desk had his or her back to them.

"Yancey and the new girl, Jonny?" asked a gruff voice from the desk chair.

"Aye, 'Baron'. Ladies, the 'Green Baron' is morale officer this week and, of course, he is still the guardsmaster so try and acts civil towards the gentleman. I leave 'em to ye, 'Fred'. G'Day." snarled Harlock and he stomped through the door and down the hallway.

"Picking fights again, Mrs Drake-Drew? Shame on you. To think that your bridegroom would even look at another lady after saying 'I do' to you so recently. Six months next week, is it not?" said the tall man in the desk chair without turning around.

"Seven, sir. Sir, I apologoze, but when I saw this birdbrain-" began Yancey.

"Birdbrain! You're a Ferret Faced Orangutang, Missy!" yipped Pat. This time 'Brigadier von Dekker' did spin his chair around before standing to glower down at the now terrified girls. On 'Vic', the 'Baron's hot temper was legendary.

"Welcome to 'Victorine', Miss Holm. Now, I want the two of you to shake hands and apologize to each other. You can thank your lucky stars that 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' is offworld. You will learn about that firebrand Hellcat Amazon soon enough, 'Ensign Holm'. The 'Captain' here will be glad to show you the ropes and get you all kitted out." he said and Pat stared at him and then at Yancey before the girls shook hands and apologized to each other and then to the 'Baron'. Then his words struck home to the girls.

"Ensign?" said a confused Pat Holm.

"Captain? Really, sir?" said a starry-eyed Yancey Drake-Drew.

"Everyone who arrives here is automatically part of the 3WA. Allie made you an 'Ensign' and the 'Saint' a 'Major'. Your promotion came through when Her Nibs heard that all of those Dragon balls had been found- most of them by yourself, Yancey. Now, off to lunch the pair of ye. Yes, 'She' promoted ye, 'Captain'. (He touched a pnel on his desk) Jonathan? They're ready to go and ye'll have no more trouble with 'em, old boy." said the 'Baron', lighting a cheroot. The portal slid aside and Harlock beckoned for the girls to follow him.

Halfway down the hallway to the dining hall, the world came to an end!

END of Chapter 10. Chapter 11 'Beerus & the Saiyaans' or 'Saintly Explorations' to follow soon. Before St Patty's Day? No promises, folks. See ya soon. R/R/S away and we thank ya for your loyalty and support and keep them suggestions coming. Your Friendship Team can't wait to see what happens next. Don't look at me, man! I ain't got a clue!- Yancey D-D.


	11. Ch11'Beerus&theSaiyaans'or'SaintlyExplor

VOV

Chapter 11 'Beerus & the Saiyaans' or 'Saintly Explorations'

DISCLAIMER: Hullo there. Whis here. Before I begin reading this stuff to you, let me assure everyone that the loud noises that came at the end of the last chapter were merely Lord Beerus blasting some meteors out of the sky. That was after I begged him not to blow up Mt Peabody. The other folks here thought it was some sort of earthquake.

Now, to business. We want to take this opportunity to thank all of the creators whose creations we have used in the past, may use in the future or are currently using in these vid logs and vid files. We especially want to thank Mr Haruka-San Takachiho because, without his Angelic creations, we just would not have anything to chat about with you fine folks.

"What the Sam Hill was that, man?" yelled 'Yancey Drake-Drew' after she had scrambled back to her feet.

"How the bloody Hell should I know, Honey? You live here, not me, man!" howled 'Patricia Holm' who was being assisted to stand up by Jonny Harlock.

"What's going on out here, Jon? My desk just flipped over!" snarled Fritz von Dekker aka the 'Green Baron' who had rushed into the hallway which was black with acrid smoke.

"Harlock calling Alley Cat! What happened, mum? Over." shouted Harlock into his comm badge. "Eh? Oh, I see. OK, I'll tell 'em, mum. Sorry to have bothered ya. Harlock out." he added and turned to the other three.

"Whis said that Beerus is amusing himself by blasting meteors from a passing shower. Her Nibs says not to make a big deal outta it. He wanted to blow up Mt Peabody, but Whis talked him outta it. You ladies OK? (Both girls nodded ruefully) Thank goodness. Can you find your way back to HQ? OK, 'Yancey'. Take Pat back there. I have to make sure nothing's happened to our vessels. Better check on yer guards, sir. Be back in a jiffy." explained the old ex-pirate.

"Baron to all guard stations. Report." said the tall German into his comm badge. He was still accepting reports when 'Yancey' tapped Pat's arm and led the way through the stinging smoke and soot-laden aether back to the HQ office. Pat touched her knee and winced in pain.

"Unh unh. Better get you to sick bay, Sweetie. Don't touch it. Looks broken to me. Here. Lean on my shoulder and try not to put too much weight on that leg. Hurt much?" said 'Yancey'. Pat bit her tongue and nodded. There were tears in her eyes. The pain was excrutiating.

"Doc? Got a patient fer ya. 'Mike Morton', this is 'Pat Holm' and I think she's got a busted kneecap." said 'Yancey' when the girls had reached the hospital hut. The rest of the doctors were over in their new clinic in 'Victoria City' on the other side of the river. Just Mike and 'Nurse Huntley' had been left behind in the staging area to administer to the colonists who had been left behind.

"An 'Earther' girl? Not to worry, dear. Back home, you'd be laid up for a few months with this fracture. Up here, three days- tops. 'Jeannie'! Prep Miss Holm for surgery. Out! You can wait in the hallway, 'Mrs Drake'. Jean? Use the 'zaridium xythyll' to knock her out. Treatment Area One. I'll be in directly. I wish Joe or Kelly were here." muttered Mike.

"Perhaps I could be of some help, Morton? I am a surgeon, you know." offered Dr John H Watson who had been visiting 'Dr Lyndon Parker'. Parker had gone rock hunting with 'Solar Pons' and fallen off a cliff. A few bumps and bruises, but 'Dr Brackett' had insisted on an overnight stay in sick bay before he had been recalled to the clinic earlier today.

"I'd be most grateful, John. How's Lyn doing?" replied Mike.

"Champing at the bit and insisting that he feels fine and dandy now. No way will I go against Brackett's orders though." chuckled the mustachioed Victorian doctor.

"Hey! I just bought these jeans! Don't cut 'em up, man! I paid 350 Euros fer 'em, Honey!" screeched Pat.

"I can't take 'em off ya, kiddo. It'll damage the bone even more than you've already screwed it up, Miss Holm. Mike! Get in here, man!" yelled Jeannie into her comm badge. Pat was trying to pull down her jeans. Her jacket and top were laying across a chair and her boots and socks were on the floor. Mike rushed in and, using an autohypo, he administered a strong sedative to Pat. She passed out quickly and Jeannie quickly slit the jeans in half and carefully tore the ruined garment off the sleeping girl.

"Yuck! She done a real number on herself, Doctor. How'd it happen, Mike?" asked the nurse.

"She was thrown to the floor when we had that quake. Lucky she only broke one knee. Put her under. Get out one of those pressure casts. I'll clean out the wound first. Ugh! Am I ever glad we've got modern techniques here. On Earth, she might even have lost her leg. Hold her foot, Jean. Her reflexes will pull against me. I have to pop that bone back into place. There. Help me with the cast. Whew. OK, undress her and get her into some jammies. I'd better tell 'Yancey' she's OK. She can tell 'Simon'. Please stay with her until she awakens. I'll send in some dinner for you. Thanks." said Mike, heading for the waiting rooms.

"Tell me again why we are on this damned wild goose chase, milord?" demanded 'Gordius'.

"We seek the 'Red Stone of Aja' because, with its power, I can easily accomplish what my father never could hope to achieve- supreme control over space and time in all of the Universes. What did you say that ancient star chart called this place?" growled 'Indirus Khan'.

"Milord, it is called 'Zamarkand' and it is within the 'Aquarian Galaxy' a few thousand 'lightys' (light years) from 'Shimougou'. For that reason alone, we should approach this world from its dark side. 'Ellen'! ETA?" replied the grey-skinned 'Jaegerian'.

"I estimate another five solar hours to touch down, 'Gordy'." cooed 'Ellen Ellerby' who was their 'navvy'. The teen-aged 'Ellen' was on her vacation from 'Orange Star HS' in 'Satan City' and she was 'Videl Son's best friend. 'Videl's dad, 'Mr Satan' had saved the world from destruction many times or so he believed. Of course, it was really the 'Z Fighters' in general and the 'Son' and 'Brief' Saiyaans in particular who had actually defeated the likes of 'Cell', 'Freeza', the 'Ginyu Squad', etc.

The 'Revelation' continued her 'cloaked' voyage to 'Victorine' fka 'Zamarkand'.

"Lord Khan! That is a newly terraformed world now known as 'Victorine'! And it is under the control of the '3WA'! According to the 'Galactic Compendium', it's being 'colonized' by the overflow from that disastrous 'Continuum' melee. Are ya sure that this 'Red Stone of Aja' really is on this planet, sire?" asked 'Eaoewyn (Owen) Moonbeam' who was the ship's self-appointed historian. 'Moonbeam' had served aboard 'Indirus's father's 'Botany Bay' starship when the elder Khan had been seeking the 'Templar' treasure trove. Now, Papa Khan was serving a long sentence on a penal world far far away.

"According to the bloody map, the stone is supposed to be 'awaiting the coming of the pirate of forever'. My father feared the 'Guardian Djinn' who protected 'Zamarkand' and never went anywhere near the place. However, that was close to a millennium ago and I figure that the 'Djinn' have long since either died off or gone elsewhere. Steady as she goes, 'Gordy'. You have the comm. I'll be in me quarters. It's winter on that planet, gang. That means you'd better change outta that mini-skirt, Ellerby. Wake me when ye're ready to make 'planetfall'." yawned their leader, waving to his bridge crew.

"Strange. I feel the presence of a strong aura of power, Whis. Pass the marmalade, please." observed Lord Beerus, helping himself to his 26th scone.

"This is an excellent fruit spread and these scones are delicious, Mrs Schmidt-Hochstetter." said Whis. "Yes, I feel it as well, sire. I reckon them as being five solar hours from us. Eh? Sire, the ship will be landing on the dark side of this world. I wonder why? Miss Phone? Is there anything on the Northwestern side of 'Victorine'?" added the teal-skinned alien.

"No, there isn't, Whis. Can't think why anyone would want to come here in the first place, let alone want to touch down in the boondocks. The only vessels we ever see are supply vessels or the ones that are bringing in more colonists." replied Xylo.

"The next group of colonists aren't due here before summer." agreed Bob Hogan.

"Wow! Did ya feel that 'spiritual pressure', man? A powerful force is headed this way and fast. You felt it, didn't ya, Rukie?" asked Ichigo Kurosaki, the 'substitute soul reaper' from Terra.

"If it's coming to the dark side of this tiny world, Whis, we'd best be on our way. OK, I won't atomize the place. Satisfied? Perhaps this will be the 'Super Saiyaan Deity God' that I have heard so much about. Have Mrs S-H pack us a lunch basket before we leave. So much time. So few challenges." whined Beerus.

"You're telling me, milord? These clowns just awakened me from my slumbers for their three wishes and now they can't decide what they want, dammit! I'm sleepy. Look, if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna tag along with His Lordship and 'Lil Boy Blue' to see this new guy. Yum! That smells good! Don't mind if I do." said 'Shenron', the eternal dragon of Terra.

"Hey! Paws off that last scone, 'Shenny'! Mrs S-H baked 'em for me and Whis." growled Beerus angrily. Whis smiled.

"Here, Lord Dragon. You may have mine. I have already eaten a dozen of them. And you're a growing boy." grinned Whis.

Whis took the basket from Helga and then the unusual trio of 'friends?' rocketed off for the other side of the planet.

"I thought that those chow hounds would never leave, Bully. Where's my lunch?" snarled Vegeta Brief. Beerus had come close to annihilating him, Goku, Gohan, GoTen, Trunks, 'GoTenks', Videl, Mr Satan, Goku's father-in-law the 'Ox-King' and the other 'Z Fighters' back aboard Bulma's cruise ship on Terra.

"Look who's talking. The biggest Saiyaan pig of them all." chuckled 'Piccolo', the giant 'Nemekian' fighter.

"Lunch? What d'ya think ya just ate, Darling? And don't call me 'Bully'!" screeched Mrs Brief.

"That? Wasn't that just a snack before the main event, Dearest?" asked a puzzled Vegeta.

"Yeah, I'm hungry too, Hon. How about a few hundred bowls of ramen, ChiChi?" said Goku, the other half of the 'pig squad'. Saiyaans do two things quite well- fight and eat and they do the latter constantly it seems. Now that Beerus was gone, ChiChi and Bulma had returned the paintball guns to their sons and Trunks and GoTen were happily splattering everyone in sight. Everyone except Piccolo of course. The last time they'd 'paintballed' the Nemekian, he had used a 'spirit bomb' to incinerate their toys.

"A guy may work from suns to suns, but a woman's work is never done. C'mon Bulma. Race ya to the kitchen." sighed ChiChi. The big 'Ox-King', 'Yamcha', 'Puar', 'Oolong' and 'Master Roshii' followed the ladies into the huge kitchen behind the office.

Gohan was busily working on his latest thesis entitled 'Dynamics of Asteroids and Other Heavenly Bodies' on his PDO unit.

"Ahem. You will need to change that title unless you want to be sued for plagiarism, Son." said Mr Peabody, puffing out clouds of acrid blue smoke from his 'Meerschaum Briar'. Gohan looked confused and drummed his fingers on the table.

"Afraid he is correct, sonny. 'Professor Moriarity' published 'Dynamics of an Asteroid' during the 'Victorian Era' back on Earth." explained John Watson.

"No, you do not want to get on his bad side, young Saiyaan. Not worth it." agreed Sherlock Holmes. Gohan began to cough and retch.

"OK. 'Nuff said. I'll change the title. Must you always smoke that foul smelling gunk! How about clearing outta here so I can work without watery eyes, man?" coughed Gohan. Suddenly, the kitchen door swished open and 'Granny Clampett' bustled into the office, a bottle in one hand, a spoon in the other.

"Who's sick? Who gets a dose o' castor oil in here? (Everyone pointed to Gohan) OK, open wide, sonny boy. We'll soon have ya as right as rain again." she said, shoving a laden spoon into the poor guy's mouth. "That'll clean out the germs fer ya. Anyone else sick?" she added and the room emptied out fast.

In the kitchen, 'Jirel of Joiry' sat at a small table, honing and oiling her long broadsword's blade. Helga dumped a bowl of unpeeled spuds in front of the surprised blonde. "If ye're gonna be in my kitchen mit dot thing, the least ya kin do is peel some potatoes for dinner. Das ist ein order, Missy." said Helga, tossing her a paring knife.

"Huh? A warrior does not do menial serf tasks, Madam. Had you given me the word earlier, I would have slain that dragon for you. Besides, I thought you had those strange looking 'rep' things to make food?" said Jirel. 'Granny Rockabelle' boxed her ears.

"Ya don't work, ya don't eat. And git that filthy pig sticker outta me kitchen, Blondie." yelled the Alchemy body armour mechanic's grandma. Helga spun around to face the older woman, Ginzu knife in hand. "Ya mean dis thing, Granny? Dis ist nicht ein piggy sticker. Dis ist der finest German steel carving knife." said Helga proudly.

"Then why does it say 'Made in Japan' on the blade?" asked ChiChi Son. Then they all laughed. Heaving a sigh, Jirel began peeling spuds- with her own dagger. Helga fumed and then went back to slicing her roast mutton. The Ox-King stared at the sheep meat a moment and then asked Helga if Vegeta really liked mutton.

"My husband is like all Saiyaans, Gramps. They will eat anything. Have you started the ramen yet? Goku's getting impatient." said Bulma, taking freshly baked bread from the oven. "Anyone seen Trunks and Bra?" she added.

"They went with Uncle Sherry and Uncle John and Uncle Peabody. They took them to the pub with them." replied ChiChi's Dad, dumping 150 pounds of ramen noodles into a huge cauldron of boiling water. Then he began tossing in veggies and meat and stirred it with a big wooden spoon.

"They better not get Bra loaded again or I'll whale the tar outta 'em." snarled Bulma, slicing up pies with both hands at the same time.

Would one of you fair damsels mind fixing me a vodka Martini without ice? Shaken, mot stirred. Chop chop." said a bored looking Mt Peabody, puffing away on hs Meerschaum pipe. "My oh my! What a fine looking sword, my dear Miss Joiry." he added, picking up the metre length blade from the kitchen table.

"Huh? That thing? That's my dagger blade, my lord. This is my broadsword, sir." replied Jirel, slapping the long sheath scabbard across her back. "Unh unh, sir. Nobody touches 'Ghost Smasher' but myself. Besides, a puny runt like yourself would never be able to even draw it, let alone lift it." chuckled the warrior teen. Ever since she had arrived in this Century on this world, 35 year old Jirel had regressed in age back to her teens. All of a sudden, returning to that dark and dank castle fortress in 'Nimrod' that she called home didn't seem like such a big deal to her.

"Less jibber jabber and more potato peeling, Jerry." scolded Chi Chi who was looking in vain for oven mitts. 'Number 18' nka 'Eloise' calmly used her bare hands to lift out the heavy roast boar trencher platter from the steaming hot oven while her hubby, Krillin smirked. Although ShenRon had converted the teeny bopper girl 'android' into a real human girl, she still retained all of the power and abilities that she had possessed as 'Android Number 18'. One of those powers was that she felt absolutely no pain- ever! Comes in handy in the kitchen, man.

"Show off!" howled Chi Chi, stomping her foot on the floor.

"I'm hurrying, Honey. Takes a long while to cook ramen. No need to throw a temper tantrum." said the Saiyaan wife's father, the Ox-King who was cooking up hundreds of bowls of ramen for his Saiyaan son-in-law, Goku Son. Saiyaans are forever hungry it seems! Mmmm! That ramen smells really great. Save me and the Keiman a bowl, please? Better save one for the K's brother too. He lives for this stuff!

"Aha! Looks like we got back home just in time for lunch, Mrs Son, Mrs Brief. Something smells heavenly indeed." said an appreciative Whis, taking a big whiff or the kitchen odours.

"I smell roasted boar meat! We'll set the table, mums! C'mon, Whis! Time's a wasting!" yelled Lord Beerus.

"He never offers to set the table at home. Maybe I should try that 'Bolger's Coffee' at home more often." thought Whis.

"I heard that! You must learn to think quietly, Whis. This whole danged planet is chock fulla 'telly paths' ya know, man?" warned Beerus.

"That's 'telepaths', ugly. Hey! What smells so scrumptious, man?" said 'Mrs Sookie Northman'. The human/fae/vampiress had been sent with an urgent message while her vampire hubby, Erik Northman and her father-in-law, Godric Northman remained on watch at the site where the 'Revelation' had just made planetfall on the dark side of 'Vic'.

As usual, Sookie was bored and, of course, forgot the message she was supposed to be delivering.

"Oh, by the by, are you expecting any new visitors?" asked Whis quite nonchalantly and Beerus perked up his ears and dropped a tray full of bone china teacups which Whis suspended in midair before they could be shattered to bits.

"Sorry about that. Whis, didn't ya tell 'em about that big starship we saw comin' down? You idjit! It might be important!" snarled the God of Destruction angrily.

"You saw it as well, my lord. Why didn't you tell them?" countered Whis coolly. He retrieved the almost doomed teacups from the aether and finished setting them on the tables.

"Golly gee! Shoot! Now I 'member. Erik and Goddy and me saw a big flying vessel land over by the new city on the dark side. They're keepin' an eye on it while I was sent back here to tell you guys the news. Hey! Ugly and this blue freak here was there as well. They seen it. Tell 'em, man." yelled Sookie.

"She calls me ugly just once more and I'll incinerate this cesspool planet o' yours!" howled an angry Beerus.

"Yes, we saw this vessel as well, dear friends." agreed Whis, brushing off the blue freak reference.

"Und der name uf dieser (deezer) ship? Anyone get dot?" asked the 'Green Baron' quietly.

"Name? Of course I did. The ship is called 'Revelation', sir." replied Whis.

"What difference does a name make? What harm can they do to you over here anyway? Yo! Somebody tell the cooks to bake some more biscuits for me. What's up with the fancy pooch there?" growled Beerus. Mr Peabody was sopping wet!

"I'd sack that whole kitchen staff, 'Wolfgang'. I make a simple request for a Martini and that new girl with the swords poured a bottle of vodka over my head! The rest of them thought it was cute! I have never been so insulted in my life!" fumed the white doggie wearing a white morning suit and topper.

"Maybe you don't get around too much, Mr Peabody, sir. Alvin's (Newkirk) always sayin' insultin' things about ya. Right, Alvie?" pointed out Andy Carter.

"Such a little blabbermouth. I schmell streudel! I'd know the little cockroach's streudel schmell anyvhere." said Schultzy.

"I'm not making any streudel. Helga's making it today." said Louis LeBeau who was reading a 'holopape'.

"Ordering the help around again, Peabody? I warned you about Bulma's temper, man." chortled Bobby Hogan.

"Thank you, Brigadier. But it wasn't Mrs Brief who did this. It was Miss Joiry. And after I had complimented her on her fine steel body- I mean, body of steel- I mean, her steel blades." explained the white doggie, mopping his face with a white monogrammed handkerchief.

"Quiet! Why's the name o' that ship so important, Fred?" asked Johnny Kinchloe.

"Ever hear of a space pirate named 'Khan'?" asked the Baron. Most of the assembly nodded sagely. Who hadn't heard of the 'Scourge of the Bad Lands'?

"Sure. Alley Cat said he's locked up in a penal colony world someplace. Isn't he still locked up or-" asked a suddenly worried Hogan.

"As far as I know, he's still locked up. However, his son is another matter. The 'Revelation' is commanded by 'Indirus Khan, Jr'. He wants power as well. Last I heard, he was seeking some 'Red Stone of Aja' which will give him control over-" explained the Baron.

"Space and Time on all of the Universes, gentlemen, ladies. Of course, nobody has the slightest idea that there even is such a stone in existence." said President Marshall Allison Poe-Prydonia.

"Oh yes there is, Madam Prez. That is what 'Bobby Speedwagon' and my other 'Joestar selves' have been seeking throughout the millennia on Earth, what you call Terra. Its commoner name is the 'Philosopher's Stone' well known to practitioners of the 'Alchemical Sciences'. Don't you agree, 'Edward Elric'?" explained 'Jadzeel Joestar', latest in a long line of reincarnated users of a 'blood power' known as 'Hamon'. We needn't explain in detail why the 'Joestars' were determined to find and destroy the 'Stone of Power'. Not yet, anyway.

"That stone of which ye speaketh was last enshrined by the people of 'Zamarkand' on this very planet, but that was some 80 millions of millennia in the past, my friends." said 'Ahura Gladiolus Mazdan', their resident protector 'Djinn'.

"I'm bored, Whis! I think I'll dry up the lake." chuckled Beerus, pointing a glowing forefinger at the lake when-

CRACK! "Ouch! That hurt! Who did that, dammit? Whis? Did you see anything?" whined the God of Destruction, rubbing his hand which was- bleeding!

"Try that again, little man-thing and my next shot will be through your heart." growled 'Revy Roberts', a smoking Beretta automatic in her fist.

"Madam! What was that projectile made from?" demanded a puzzled Whis. He had always thought that his master, Lord Beerus, to be indestructible!

"Huh? Lead mostly. Why?" asked a just as perplexed Revy. By now, 'Aramaki', 'Batou', 'Major Kucinagi' and the rest of the 'Section Nine' team had arrived on the scene, guns drawn.

"Lead? Lead cannot harm me! I am a God!" screeched Beerus while Helga and Jirel staunched the blood flowing freely from the tiny crease wound on his hand. They had both seen this dude blasting meteors apart with energy discharges all day!

"Wait. You said mostly, Madam. Am I to assume that other materials make up your weapon's-" said Whis, fumbling for a word.

"Bullets. Lead, steel, iron and bronze alloys are what my bullets have in 'em, Missy." explained Revy, reloading her automatics.

"And ours are loaded with 'mercy bullets' made of various alloys and drugs to incapacitate and knock out but not to kill." volunteered 'Chief Aramaki', pointing at the guns held by the Major and her team. "In addition, with the exceptions of myself and 'Mr Togutha' here, my team members are all 'cyborgs', meaning that they are not completely human, sir." added Aramaki. Whis was as confused as Hell and Beerus was crying like a baby. He had never before felt pain and it hurt!

Then Whis had a brainstorm. "Sire? Your powers are proof against any human or alien and against any directed power blasts or anything 'singular'. These weapons' 'bullets' are not singular. They are 'complex'. These 'cyborgs' read as complex beings as well. Could you demonstrate, 'Mr Dead Eyes'? Please?" asked Whis and 'Mr Batou' grinned and smashed his bare fist through a nearby tree which then exploded into fragments of wood.

"That what ya had in mind, mum? And the name's 'Batou', not 'Dead Eyes'." said Batou, his expression dead-pan.

"Whis is not female, simply effeminate, pal. Ow! That smarts, doggie!" whimpered Beerus while Mr Peabody sloshed 'synthenol' liberally across his wound.

"Good. That shows that the disinfectants are working well and preventing infections, sir." replied the white doggie wearing Harris Tweeds and spats.

"Care to take on any more of us, Mr Beerus, sir? Say the word, Chief, and I'll 'force beam cuff' the bastard." snarled an angry Major, Mark XIII ion cannon clenched in her white-knuckled fist.

"Put your toys away. All of you. You as well, Miss Roberts, please. Togutha, go and find this gentleman a doctor. I believe I saw 'Dr Joe' (Early) and 'Nurse Dixie' (McCall) fishing at the lake with 'Mrs Yancey' (Drew-Drake) and 'Mr Mason' (Perry). Quick as you can before infection sets in on this poor alien chap." ordered the 'Old Ape' as Batou often referred to Chief Aramaki.

"Right away, sir." replied Togutha, holstering his Mark XII disruptor blaster. He was back in five minutes with Joe, Yancey, Dixie and Perry. Perhaps Mr Mason thought that Lord Beerus wished to file suit against Miss Roberts. Anyway, Perry and Yancey began handing out business vidcards to everyone in sight. After all, Yancey was not only married to a private eye (Paul Drake), she herself was a licensed investigator. Perry Mason was an attorney.

"Where's my patient? Oh, I see. OK. Dix? Better give him a Tetnaus shot and 30 ccs of 'Axileine 40' for pain. Good. A clean crease. Lots of blood but no embedded bullet. Which one'd he piss off? Revy? That hothead? OK, I apologize. Bandage the wound and give him a sedative, Dix. What a big baby! 'Walker's kid didn't squawk that much when she took a plasma rifle blast last month! And she was just a kid!" said Joe.

"My lord, I think that you'd best rethink any ideas you have about destroying this world. These 'cyborgs' seem to be able to defeat you while these new type of complex weapons seem to be able to cause you bodily harm, sire." suggested Whis who was holding the bandages for Dixie.

"Darn it all! I just wanna fight this 'Super Saiyaan Deity God' guy, man. If I could find him, I'd be on my way. Mmmn! I smell something yummy! What is that wonderful odour coming from the kitchen, Miss Joiry?" replied Beerus who was fighting back tears from the pain. "Ahh! Now it doesn't hurt amymore. Thank you, doctor. Very much indeed." he added as the painkiller took effect.

"Dix? Didn't you give him a sedative yet? (Dixie nodded) He should be asleep by now. Give him another autohypo after lunch or dinner or whatever we are having. French onion soup. My favourite. You'll like this dish, little guy." said Joe Early, taking a whiff of Louie's soup.

'Hiya Shenny. Could you please bring the uh, 'Super Saiyaan Deity God' here to this place for us? Lord Beerus-" began Goku.

"Lord Beerus? That guy's still here?" roared the huge dragon of wishes who was even taller than Mt Peabody and Gladdy. He sounded genuinely frightened of the God of Destruction.

"Is that you, Shen? Down here, big boy." called Whis from the hut.

"Hullo Whis. Then it's true? Lord Beerus is here? Oh, there he is. Mmmn! I arrived just in time for lunch!" growled Shenron, the Eternal Dragon of this Cosmos, shrinking himself down to a mere three metres in height.

"Well, Dragon? Can you bring this 'Super Saiyaan Deity God' here or not?" demanded Beerus, slurping up his tenth bowl of French onion soup.

"Why? He is already here, my lord. There he is, sire." replied a puzzled Shenron, pointing to Goku. Beerus and Whis both did double-takes.

"Him? He's no God, fool! I have already defeated him and the other four 'super saiyaans' (Vegeta, Gohan, Trunks andGoTen)." explained a perturbed and now very angry Beerus.

"Not now, my lord. In order to create a 'Super Saiyaan Deity God', six Super Saiyaans must combine their powers together." replied the dragon.

"But, great ShenRon, my husband (Vegeta Brief), my brother-in-law (Goku Son), my son (Trunks) and Goku's two sons (Gohan and GoTen) are the only Super Saiyaans left and that makes only five. Where can we get another one, man?" explained Bulma Brief patiently and logically to the Eternal Dragon. 'Bra' who was Bulma and Vegeta's young daughter, had never shown any interest in fighting or flying. Where will the sixth 'Super Saiyaan' be found I wonder?

ShenRon pointed to 'Videl Satan-Son', Gohan's wife. "She carries the seed of a human and a half 'Super Saiyaan'/half human within her womb. Her daughter (Pan who was yet to be born) within herself is the sixth 'Super Saiyaan'. All six must combine their powers and give of them freely to Goku. Then and only then will a 'Super Saiyaan Deity God' come into existence. Any more of that delicious mead, Mrs Schmidt-Hochstetter? Thank you." rumbled ShenRon.

Everyone was staring at Videl's enlarged tummy. "Hey! Wait a danged minute here! I'm not due to deliver for six more monthlets according to Dr Brackett!" howled Videl.

"We could do a 'Cessarian Sectioning' on her." suggested Dr Watson and Videl went deathly pale. Her husband exploded.

"Ya can forget that bright idea, man! Our child will come out naturally when it's time and not before it!" yelled Gohan.

"You only need to tap her power and strength and transfer it to her Mother, Mrs Son. All 'Super Saiyaans' have the knowledge and power to combine their spiritual pressures thus creating a single entity- a 'Super Saiyaan Deity God'. The logical choice is Goku since he was the first Saiyaan to leave Planet Vegeta before Freeza destroyed the place. However, Goku will remain a 'God' for a mere solar day- 15 solar hours by the reckoning existent upon this world of 'Victorine'.

"Yo! Why is everyone looking at me?" demanded 'Master Roshii' who had been undressing the women with his lecherous eyes.

"Pat! Are you sure that this is where you found that ancient scroll map? This cavern isn't that deep and this feels like a solid rock wall." fumed 'Sebastian Tombs' aka 'Simon Templar' alias 'The Saint'.

"Of course I'm sure, Stupid! Look. See where I disturbed that green dust when I picked up the scroll this morning? Shine your lamp over this way. Aha! See? This looks like a latch of some kind." replied 'Patricia Holm', pressing a funny coloured stone on the wall beside her.

"Pat! Don't touch that! Didn't you ever hear of booby traps? Look out!" yelled Simon, yanking the girl away just in time to avoid a huge chunk of falling rock. Glancing up, Simon read in letters of fire which had mysteriously appeared above the new opening in the wall: 'Enter only if ye be pure of heart' and the words were written in Latin.

"Latin? On another world in the middle of nowhere? How?" he asked quietly. Pat dusted off her once white flightsuit and laughed.

"And you're name's 'Templar'? Remember what 'Rally' (Vincent) said about that big old pyramid they found a few years ago and took back home to 'Shimougou'? That was part of the 'Knights Templar' treasure trove and this must be another place that they hid more of their loot, man! We could all be zillionaires, Simon Honey! Time's a wastin'." yelled Pat, grabbing the lamp and trotting through the open portal. Simon sighed and followed her.

"Wait up, wench." he called, wondering what that 'pure of heart' warning meant?

END of Chapter 11. Chapter 12 'Deity vs God' or 'Saintly Treasures?' to follow soon. We promised Ch 11 by St Patty's Day and we are delivering at the beginning of March. R/R/S away and have a swell read. Hope Ch 12 doesn't take this long. See ya soon.- Your Friendship Team.


	12. Ch12'DeityvsDestroyer'SaintlyTreasure

'Victors of Victorine'

Chapter 12 'Deity vs Destroyer?' or 'Saintly Treasures'

Good evening, my dear friends and you are my friends as the late Lord Franklin Delano Roosevelt was wont to say in his 'fireside chats' broadcast over something called a 'radio' on ancient Terra- circa early 20th Century. I am Lord Beerus, the Destruction God but you may call me my lord or master if you prefer. Where are you going with that half a steer, my girl? I'm still a growing god ya know? Just leave it with those other delectable epicurean delights. OK, you are dismissed.

Now, where was I? Yes, I know my paws are greasy, Whis. OK! I'll wash up after I do this favour for the Alley Cat broad! We wanna thank all the creators- yada yada yada- this is like the Miranda Act, man. Everybody already knows it, right? OK, on with the show!

Oh dearie me. I had best carry on from here since His Lordship is once again stuffing his face. Whis here and everyone knows I am both Master's companion and his Sensei. When last we left you, dear Lord Shenron had explained how to create a 'Super Saiyaan Deity God' and the ladies and gentlemen of Planet Vegeta were giving it the old college try. What's that?

Oh yes, Mr Templar and Miss Holm were out exploring on the mountain because Miss Holm had found an old scroll which Lord Professor Doctor Hiram MacDougal had translated from ancient Sumerian into Universal for her. He begged off accompanying she and the 'Saint' owing to a job he was attending to for Miss Poe-Prydonia or is it Prydonia-Poe? I always get those two time ladies mixed up with each other. In any case, only Mr T and Miss H had left for Mt Peabody early this morning, soon after suns rise.

Whom do you wish to hear about first? The treasure seekers or the Z Fighters? Very well. After 117 attempts at bonding and linking powers, Mr Vegeta, Mr Gohan, Masters GoTen and Trunks, Mr Goku and Mrs Videl Satan-Son who was Mr Gohan's wife and carrier of their quarter Saiyaan daughter's seed (unborn Pan), were at last able to channel their spiritual pressures, kys, chakra, Force, call it what you will- into Mr Goku and- the Super Saiyaan Deity God was suddenly there and merging with Mr Goku!

"Hot diggety! Hot pork chops! Hot mustard plants! It's about bloody time, man! Let's battle, god!" howled a suddenly joyous and jovial Lord Beerus. So enraptured with this new golden glowing form was my Master that he inadvertently upset the dinner table. I am ashamed to admit that, for once, I failed to anticipate his actions and there was a big mess on the carpeted dining room floor. Just as I was about to tidy up the place, several 'robotic vacs' mysteriously materialized and had the mess cleaned up and the carpet cleaned to perfection in a matter of nano-seconds.

"Might I suggest that this battle be continued outdoors where I can get a better view of the ladies unmentionables- I mean- where we won't have these two Godzillas creating another disaster?" suggested Master Roshii who was a dirty old man.

"So it was you in Bra's bedroom last night after lights out, was it? I oughta slug ya one, old man!" screeched Bulma Brief while her daughter smiled and cooed. "Was it as good for you as it was for me, Sensei-San?" giggled the young half Saiyaan teen-aged girl. Bulma fumed and dragged Bra away from the lecherous old fool.

"No crowding now. You'll all get your chance to place yer wagers on the fight, lads and lasses. 5 to 3 on the newcomer deity god and Beer Boy is still the favourite at 6 to 5. Place yer bets here. Roll up! Roll up!" shouted Alvin Newkirk while Andrew Carter collected UniCreds from profferred 'vidwallets'.

"Disgusting, isn't it, Frank?" snapped Major Margaret 'Hot Lips' Hoolahan.

"Whatever you say, Sugar. Let me kiss you, dearest love. Uh, ya want me to exert my authority and have Newkirk and Carter arrested, Honey?" whispered Major Frank Burns, her sorta permanent lover.

"Not on your life, Frank! A hundred on the little guy, Alvie! To win! Sorry, Goku!" yelled Margaret, waving her 'vidwallet' until Andy Carter 'stylused' a hundred UniCreds onto a betting 'vidchit' and handed 'vidchit' and 'vidwallet' back to the stunning blonde.

"Put a few grand on me, Whis. Ya know I'll win." chuckled the being who looked like the Egyptian god Anubis on a bad day.

"Who ya bettin' on, mate?" asked Newkirk, lighting up another cheroot.

"Ten thousand UCs on Master and another ten thousand on Mr Son, please. I like to hedge my bets, sir." grinned Whis.

"Uh, just how many times has the little pest lost, Whis?" asked 'Xylo Phone' who was Brigadier Hogan's fiancee, taking a two hundred UCs flyer on Goku.

"Eh? Well, never mum, to be completely trithful. His record is nine trillion and twenty-seven wins- all by knockouts, mum. But, there is always a first time, is there not?" replied Whis mysteriously. "Whom are you wagering for, Madam Marshall?" he added when Allie Poe-Prydonia reached into her huge handbag.

"Neither one, sir. I do not believe in gambling. I'm thirsty and I always keep a flask in my purse." she replied, removing a corked golden flask which Newkirk grabbed and guzzled from and made a wry face.

"Yuck! What is that stuff, lass?" he demanded, handing back the phial. She giggled and took a demure swallow or two. "We call it 'golden nectar'. It is made from freshly squeezed carrots and grapes, Mr Newkirk." she said. Not many Gallifreyans drank strong spirits, the Doctor, Master, Ranee and the Romanas being a few exceptions to the rule.

"Yer attention, please! The rules are simple, guys. You fight until we have a winner. Win by knockout or submission only. Madam President Marshall Poe-Prydonia stipulates that the combatants are not allowed to kill each other. Any violation of that rule is automatic disqualification and forfeiture of the match. Otherwise, all's fair in love and war, folks." shouted young Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly who was, as usual, everybody's clerk. Today he was doubling as ring announcer.

The big green Namekian, Piccolo, was the referee since nobody else wanted to be within striking distance of these two behemoths! The fight would begin in the 'replicated' arena patterned after the concrete one used for the forbidden 'Kumiko' tournament on ancient Terra. From there, since both fighters could fly and flash-step, the aether was the limit!

God and Deity acknowledged the cheers and jeers of the massive crowd- everyone from the new city was there as well- Deity fist-pumping the heavens while God merely smirked and filed his talon claws with a Swiss Army knife lent to him by Mr MacGyver. Mac and Pete Thornton had taken a wrong turn on Terra in the 20th Century when they found and activated an ancient 'Illuminati' time traveling device while vacationing in the Arctic Circle. Don't ask me why? Brrr!

"Good God in His Heaven! Mr Thornton! Mr MacGyver! Could you please take a look at this bit o' 'Cuneiform' script I have just translated?" yelled our other 'Mac', Hiram MacDougal, our resident archaeologist and historian.

"Huh? Let's see, man. Hey Pete! Since when did the ancient Babylonians write in Cuneiform (Persian) script?" questioned MacGyver anxiously.

"They didn't, Mac. At least, I never came across any. Why? Where's the beef, Hi?" asked a puzzled Phoenix Foundation director.

"Looks like 'Enter if ye be pure of heart' is what it says. So?" asked MacGyver.

"Wait. What's this series of symbols mean, Mac? Between 'enter' and 'if'." asked Pete and MacGyver's face went chalk white. "Only, Pete. 'Enter 'only' if ye be pure of heart'. We got a saucy trollope of a girl and a rogue criminal who may be in deep doo-doo, man! Let's split! Pete, Hi. Meet ya at the skysled. C'mon. Time's a-wastin', man!" called MacGyver over his shoulder.

"It's OK, Dr MacDougal. Mac does this all the time back home. We'll be fine. He's really smart." explained Pete and Hiram grinned.

"Ye shoulda been on our 'pyramid' quest a few years back, laddie. Mr MacGyver is a tame fish compared to that lot. Uh, does Mr MacGyver know how to pilot one o' them flyin' sleddies, Mr Thornton, sir?" said a worried Scotsman.

"He can do anything, Doctor- anything that needs doing and that's no lie, my friend. All aboard!" yelled Pete, hopping aboard and screaming to be heard over the roaring of the thrusters. "Where's that cave entrance show on your scroll 'Xerox', Doc?" yelled MacGyver from the pilot's seat. Pete was beside him, riding 'shotgun' as it were and MacDougal had squeezed his huge frame and bulk into the backseat.

Five minutes later, Hi was pointing to a narrow slit halfway up the side of Mt Peabody. The closest LZ looked to be a half kilometre East of the opening and MacGyver set down there as gentle as a katydid on a duck pond back home in Northern Minnesota on ancient Terra. Since Pete and Hi refused to use 'rocket boots', the trio had to walk across the mountainside. MacGyver stowed away a pair of those flying shoes in his kit bag just in case. Mac carried a lot of junk with him 'just in case' as Pete will attest. Mac's 'repped up' Swiss Army knife (He had lent his own- a gift from Gramps Harry- to His Lordship to file his talon claws- discretion always being the better part of valour.) was in his pocket along with an oddball assortment of accummulated junk. Ya never know.

A good half hour later, MacGyver was using a borrowed 'tricorder' to check the entryway for obvious booby traps. Finding none, he invited Hi or Pete to have the honour of leading the way. Finally, MacGyver used his 'vidtorch' (A gift from 'Dr Strange') and entered the cave. He felt like a foolish 'Indiana Jones' without a whip.

The inner stone portal was half hidden beneath blocks of heavy 'Gammite' which was porous like Earthen limestone but as heavy as 'dwarf star alloy'. No choice now. Boom boom time. At least, the 'Nitroglycine' blocks were stabler than old-fashioned C-4 plastique which he was usually forced to use back home. Home? Would they ever see old Californy again? Breaking off a tiny bit of the explosive about the size of a walnut, MacGyver pressed it into the wall, backed up and the trio took cover outside of the cave on the mountainside. Taking careful aim with his Mark III miniblaster ion cannon, Pete fired a beam of ionic energy at the inner wall and ducked. MacGyver steadfastly refused to carry or even look at anything that even looked like a gun! He had a kindred soul in Dr 'Hawkeye' Pierce from the MASH 4077th unit.

KA-VLOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The resulting explosions cleared out most of the inner wall where the stone portal had been discovered by Pat and Simon. Miraculously though, the portal and its warning words were both intact!

"Well? Who wants to be first to go down the musty old hole, guys? I don't wanna have all the fun, ya know?" joked MacGyver who knew full well that he was leader of this Verne-like 'Journey to the Centre of the Earth' expedition.

"Well, I don't want anything happening to me until I collect my winnings from the big fight." said Pete and Hiram agreed. They had both put huge flyers on Beerus. Ever the champion of the underdog (MacGyver was a diehard N'Orleans Saints fan), MacGyver had bet a week's pay on the glowing Saiyaan 'Deity God', Goku.

"OK. Follow me, gentlemen." said MacGyver, thinking back to that adventure with another Scotsman scientist not unlike Hiram MacDougal and that adventure had its origins in Templar lore as well. "Uh, you both been good little boys, I hope? 'Pure of heart' means just that. Like why Galahad and Percival were the only two of Arthur's knights permitted to see the 'Holy Grail'. The other knights, especially Launcelot, were all womanizers on a grand scale." chortled MacGyver.

"I am a bachelor and have never done anything shady or illegal, Mr MacGyver, sir." growled the old Scot.

"You know me, Mac. Never anyone but Lizzie for me until she passed on. Been straight and true ever since." said Pete.

"OK. You've both been warned. If there are any skeletons in the Thornton or MacDougal closets, beware. Hullo! I see light up ahead. Come on, guys." yipped an excited MacGyver. (AN: MacGyver's first name was revealed only once during his TV seres so we are not going to use it here. We will keep his anonymity for him. I don't think that even Pete Thornton ever knew Mac's real Christian name).

"Si-Mon! Didn't ya hear that noise, man? Sounded like an explosion to me!" called Patricia Holm from the top of an escarpment half way up the 'stalactite cliff' she and the Saint were climbing.

"Rats in the attic, old girl. Ain't that what old Professor Von Lindenbrook said when the lady said she'd heard a burglar upstairs? Only they were many kilometres below the Earth at the time. Note to self- Pat heard rats in the attic. Now climb, my girl. Hurry up. This trip was your bright idea, not mine." chuckled the 'Robin Hood of Modern Crime' and promptly put his left foot through the cavern wall at the top of the cliff.

"Well, I'll be damned! A bloody wall that ain't even there! A bloody wall that ain't really a wall at all, Pat! Get yer cute derriere up here, Love- and fast." yelled Simon Templar in a tone that brooked no refusal.

He placed a hand against the cavern's 'wall' and it passed right through the 'rock'. Pat picked up a small pebble and threw it at the 'wall'. The stone disappeared as soon as it hit the 'wall'. Suddenly, a voice roared out seeming to come form nowhere and yet everywhere at once.

"Take care and know what thou seeketh and why thou seeketh it. Venture ye further through yon portal only if thy heart be pure and clear." Pat fainted. Simon caught the girl as she swooned into his arms and he sat her down on the cavern's floor.

"Here, old girl. A spot o' brandy will soon put ye to rights. Careful, Pat. Small sips. Feeling better now?" crooned the Saint.

"Yeah, thanks. Sorry I got ya into this mess, Simon. But you know me and loot." she said with a devilish grin.

"Aye. That I do. Even when you've no clue as to what that loot might be. Well? Do we sally forth or go home? Your choice, my dear." said Simon, lighting two cigarettes and handing her one. She accepted gratefuly and drew a long puff.

"We go on, o' course. Lead on, MacDuff and damned be he who first-" she giggled before he stopped her babbling with a kiss. He picked up her pack and handed it to Pat and then shouldered his own. Both of them were carrying Mark III's.

"Once more into the breach, my love, once more." chuckled Simon merrily and they stepped through the portal hand in hand.

Deity stared at God and vice versa. Then Beerus fired an energy bolt which Goku easily deflected. Then the glowing golden Saiyaan launched a spirit bomb which followed Beerus no matter how much he dodged it. Exhausted for the first time in his long lifespan, Beerus tried to absorb the blast and found himself lying on his back. Goku relentlessly rained blows on the helpless God of Destruction without mercy! Definitely this was not our Goku!

Whis suddenly materialized to protect Beerus and Piccolo called time out. Beerus was groggy and bleeding from several cuts in his magnificent body. Sakura and Hotaru carried the poor God into the dispensary clinic and Drs Early and Morton clucked their tongues at the amount of damage inflicted upon Beerus in such a short space of time.

"Did anyone get the number of the truck that hit this poor soul, Doctors?" asked Nurse Dixie McCall while she and Nurse Jeanne Huntley ran tricorder beams across his body.

"It was Goku, but not like any Goku that I ever saw- ever! I had to stop the bout, man." said a worried Nemekian.

"Where are you, tiny pest?" roared out the new Goku, his eyes flashing flames.

"This bout is over. The Deity has won. Lord Beerus cannot continue. You are the very first being to ever defeat His Lordship in more than a trillion fights on any of the Universes! What the Hell? What's wrong with Goku?" said the teal-skinned alien Sensei when Goku ceased to glow and collapsed onto the floor of the arena.

"Do not worry! Goku is no longer a Deity God. He will be fine. Lord Beerus will recover, but not right away. I did warn you about this, you may recall. Farewell until next time, dear friends." roared the voice of ShenRon from the aether.

"Both legs and arms broken. Two dislocated shoulders. Fractured pelvis. Sprained stomach muscles. What a bloody mess!" yelled Mike Morton.

"Shut up and start patching him up, Mike. By all rights, he should be dead! However, his heart seems to have a faint sinus rhythm. Dixie, better send someone for Kelly (Brackett)- fast! This is beyond my scope. Hurry up!" howled Joe Early. Dixie dashed for her skysled, dragging Sakura and Hotaru with her.

"Look here, Pete. Looks like they climbed this stalactite cliff. See their footprints? You two think you can climb it?" said MacGyver, strapping on his rocket boots.

"No way, Mac. Too many trips to the deli!" replied Pete Thornton.

"I'm a scientist and an archaeologist, not a nanny goat!" growled Hiram MacDougal.

"Then I'll have to pull you up. I'll fly up there first. Don't wander off." said MacGyver. He jetted upwatds and within a few seconds a rope dropped beside Pete and Hiram. "Tie that around yourself, Pete. You first, then Hi. Hurry up. I ain't Samson, ya know?" called MacGyver from above them in the darkness.

Ten minutes later and perspiring heavily from his exertions, MacGyver heaved Hiram to the ground. After a short rest, MacGyver explored the vicinity for a door or opening. "I'm stumped. Where'd they go, I wonder?" he puzzled.

"Nothing here but this wall, Mac and it's as solid as- dammit! What the Hell?" yelled Pete who had leaned against the hidden invisible portal and fallen through the wall. MacGyver shoved the Scotsman ahead of him and both of them 'walked' through the 'wall'.

"Take care and know what thou seeketh and why thou seeketh it. Venture ye further through yon portal only if thy heart be pure and clear." rang out a voice from all directions at once.

"A warning from the Templars, no doubt, lads. I've heard that voice afore when we found the pyramid some years ago." explained Hiram. "Last chance, guys. Do we forage ahead or do we use our common sense and go back home?" asked MacGyver, knowing damned well what their answers would be. After all, they were a rescue party looking for Pat and the Saint.

"Ooh! Lookie there, Saint! What a pretty golden cup! Up there on that rock shelf! I'm gonna grab it, man!" cooed Pat Holm.

"Wait! Pat! Don't touch it! That's not a shelf, it's an altar! Remember what happened in that Lost Ark film to Jonesy!" yelled Simon, but he was a tad too late.

"Got it! Let's split, man!" yelled Pat just before the floor disappeared from under the girl.

"Gotcha! Gimme yer hand, kid. Just drop the cup, dammit!" cried Simon who was holding onto Pat's pants cuff. The girl was suspended upside down and hovering over a bottomless chasm.

"Unh unh! Finders keepers, losers weepers! It's mine now. Pull, man!" yelped Pat angrily, clutching her precious treasure to her bosom. The Saint grunted and strained and finally managed to haul the blonde backwards out of the hole which immediately sealed behind her.

"Whew! Now that you have your new knick knack, can we go home now?" grumbled Simon, flashing his 'Rumkorf coil' lamp back the way they had just entered and the portal was gone! He walked towards the wall and into it. This time the rock wall was solid! The stalactite cliff they'd scaled was on the other side of the wall. Behind the 'altar' the walls were solid as well. They were trapped. Simon grabbed Pat's rucksack and upended it. Then he dumped his own rucksack on the floor and began sorting through all of their junk. Pat was squawking like a chicken with its head chopped off.

"Oh, do be quiet, old girl. Help me look for something we an use for a tool. Unless you want to stay here forever, that is?" snarled Simon, discarding cosmetics and other feminine jewjaws and becoming more frustrated by the second.

"Careful, Lovey! I paid plenty fer that stuff at Harrod's last week! Ooh! I wish that we were in the other side of that damned wall agan!" shouted Pat and-

POOF!

"What the Hell?" yelped Pete Thornton when a pretty young lady was pitched into his arms. Hiram steadied the Saint when he suddenly materialized on the edge of the cliff. "Great Scott! Where did you find that, my dear? That looks like the Templars' 'wishing chalice'!

Pete was examining what he thought was the 'Holy Grail' of Christendom and mumbled 'I wish we were back at the skysled.'

POOF!

There was a biting wind sheering across the mountain pass where MacGyver had parked the skysled before their trek to the cave. Pat and Simon were hastily packing up their rucksacks again and Pat grabbed her trinket out of Pete's fingers.

"I wish- mmnff!" began Pat before MacGyver clapped a gloved hand across her pretty mouth. "Quiet! Wishes are never free, Miss Holm! There is always a price to pay. What happened in there, Mr Templar?" said MacGyver.

"Pat found that thing on a crude altar and when she grabbed it, the floor just vanished. Then the opening sealed behind us and Pat wished us on the other side of the wall and- we were. Then Mr Thornton there wished us back here. Cheer up, old girl. Looks like we won't be walking back home after all. Um, Dr MacDougal? What is that cup- exactly?" queried Simon.

"I think explanations can wait, guys. That looks like a solar storm out there by the gravity well and it's heading this way. Best we load up and get back to base pronto." advised MacGyver, assisting Pat and Hiram into the sled. Pete and Simon climbed in and MacGyver fired up the thrusters and quickly lifted off mere seconds before the storm reached Mt Peabody.

A half hour later, they landed outside of the 'offices'. The arena was empty, but there was a cluster of people standing outside of the clinic. Pat hopped out, pushed through the crowd and demanded an explanation. She listened, nodded and then elbowed back to her own party.

"Whoever bet on the runt lost. Goku the God-thing won the fight. The little runt's in hospital now. Man, I'm famished! When's dinner or is it still lunchtime?" explained Pat just as another skysled slid to a screeching halt outside of the clinic hut. Out jumped the handsome Dr Kelly Brackett and that dumb blonde McCall followed by two Ninja girls in red and black outfits. Kelly raced into the hut, Dixie at his heels.

"Clear!" yelled Dr Early and then Whumpf! "OK! Enough. He's breathing again, Joe. Great Caesar's ghost! He looks like he was run over by an express train! What's been going on around here? A war? In God's name- why? never mind. I'll never understand these damned numbskulls! Dix, get a full skull series of X-rays on this guy. Any hot java around and maybe a sandwich or two? I haven't eaten since last night." said Kelly Brackett.

Whis assisted the ladies in the kitchen preparing a huge dinner for everyone. Then he prepared a meal for his Master, Lord Beerus and carried it over to the clinic hut where all three physicians nixed any idea of allowing solid food for Beerus for at least the next twenty-four hours. However, Dr Brackett grudgingly permitted Whis a few minutes alone with the patient. Beerus was snoring like a grampus when Whis entered his room. Jeanne Huntley brought in a chair for Whis which he refused, preferring instead to float cross-legged in mid-aether.

"Thank you, Miss Huntley. However, I am quite comfortable up here." said Whis politely.

"Visiting hours end at 2100 hours, nine o'clock ths evening. And Dr Morton is quite adamant about us keeping to that closing hour for visiting. Please be very quiet. Our patient needs his rest. If you need me, just buzz me, sir." said Jeanne, quietly closing the portal behind herself.

"Back home, he'd probably never recover. Up here- what d'ya think, Joe?" asked Kelly.

"I've a feeling that he'll be up and about later tonight, Kell. Do you concur, Mike?" replied Joe Early.

"There are stranger things 'twixt Heaven and Earth, Horatio- no idea, guys." opined Mike Morton.

In the other camp, Goku was chowing down with the rest of the Z Fighters and seemed none the worse for wear. However, for the life of him, the once Golden Deity God could not remember anything about his brief battle with Beerus.

"Kakkaroth! Stop stuffing your fat face and answer me, dammit! Are you sure that you don't remember anything about your fight with that little creep? And the next time you swamp my wife's (Bulma Brief) flying vessel, you and I will have more than words! Pass the mashed potatoes, please." growled Vegeta.

"I said I was sorry about that, Vegeta. Any more rolls? Nah, I don't remember nuttin' about my fight with Lord Beerus. Which one of us won, Vegeta?" asked Goku, reaching for more steamed carrots. We don't call 'em the 'Pig Squad' for nothing, ya know?

"You won, Dad. Man, that was some battle! Have some more veggies, Honey. You're eating for two now, Darling." said Gohan Son, Goku's eldest son.

"Say! Where is Lord Beerus? He usually doesn't have to be called for food twice." asked Goku.

"He's sleeping peacefully now, my friends. You really did a number on my Master, Goku. Oh, he holds no grudge against you. However, you are the first fighter to best him in his long lifespan on any Universe. Hmmn! Is that blackberry trifle, mum? Just a small piece. Thank you." said Whis who had just arrived from the dispensary clinic.

"Do us all a big favour, guys. Stop beating each other to a pulp, please. We only have three more bunks in the dispensary." said Mike Morton. Drs Watson and Parker had spelled Joe, Kelly and Mike for awhile. Jeanne Huntley and Dixie McCall had been replaced by Sakura and Hotaru, the Ninja girl medical Jonins.

"We're Saiyaans and we fight, Doc. It's what we do, man. No more java, Darling. It's not good for our daughter." said Gohan.

"Not to worry. We're a lot tougher 'n we look, Dr Mikey. Right, Trunks? I want more rice pudding!" crowed Goku's youngest son, GoTen Son. "Don't talk with yer mouth full around Mom if ya don't wanna get yer ears boxed." said Trunks Brief.

"Milord! I smell good things to eat!" cried Mai, racing up to the big table she had seen in her mind.

"What about the Dragon Balls? What about the wishing dragon? Food? Outta my way!" yelled Emporer Pilar.

"Have a seat, folks. Plenty here for everyone. Welcome back, Your Eminence, ma'am. Where's the blue fox Samurai?" invited Whis.

"Oh, he's playing with those tin cans buried outside. He'll be in later. Don't be stingy with the meat, Lady!" howled the young Emporer who had never learned any manners.

"Buried tin cans? Good God! He's in the mine field, Hawk!" yelled Capt Dr BJ Hunnicut, racing out the portals. Capt Dr Benjamin Franklin Pierce was right on his heels. Brigadier Potter followed with the mine field maps.

They need not have bothered. 'Wonder Girl' had calmly walked unerringly to the little fox creature and picked him up and she was now carrying the small 'kitsune' or fox demon back to the huts. She set him down and gave him a good spanking. As an afterthought, she confiscated his 'katana' sword.

"Now go inside and eat your dinner. You'll get this back when you've earned it, fella." scolded Diana Prince. Then she looped her 'golden truth lariat' around the little 'kitsune'. "What are you, Pilar and Mai doing here anyway?" she demanded.

"Same as always. We're here to steal the Dragon Balls so His Eminence kin summon ShenRon and get his hunnert wishes." he replied dreamily and BJ and Hawkeye and Potter grinned at each other. "He is speaking the truth, gentlemen. He has no choice when my 'golden lariat' encircles him." she said. Diana flipped the lariat off the fox and recoiled her lasso.

"Your Mr Pilar is out of luck. ShenRon's been here and gone. The golden balls have been scattered across the galaxy again so he'll just have to wait until next year. Now get in there and eat your dinner, Shu." ordered the young goddess.

"You know me, ma'am?" said the frightened 'kitsune'. "Of course I do. I can see your thoughts, young Samurai. Now scoot!" explained Diana.

"So- when do we leave to collect them Dragon Balls, Sweetie?" demanded Pilar.

"Are you talking to me, you little vermin?" yelped Helga. He grinned at the German wench.

"Nah. I'm talkin' to Bluehair over there." chortled Pilar.

THWACK! "Fresh! Call me that again and I'll pulverize ya! I ain't taking you along when we go Dragon Ball hunting next monthlet either! Vegeta! Mind your manners! You too, Goku!" yelled Bulma Brief.

"May I help you clear the tables, mum? An excellent repast indeed! I must get some of your recipes, Mrs Brief." offered Whis who almost always helped out whenever he could.

MacGyver, MacDougal, Simon and Pete were examining Pat's 'cup'.

"The last time I saw that thing it was in Ireland back on Terra. It's 'Fionne MacChumail's (aka 'Finn McCool') Wishing Chalice'. I thought sure that it had wound up in the 'Kingdom of Prester John'. Apparently, the 'Knights Templar' found it though and somehow spirited it away into outer space!" explained Hiram. Pilar perked up his ears and dashed over to grab the cup.

"A 'wishing chalice'? Kin I use it? Please? Pretty please?" he howled and MacGyver grinned and handed it to the little Emporer.

"You'll wish ya hadn't of done that, Mac." chuckled Piccolo.

"I wish that I ruled the Universe!" Pilar cried out in a loud voice. The building shook to its very foundations.

"That is a selfish wish! That desire shall not be granted, little man! This I swear by the 'Sword of O'Killian', I, Fionne MacChumail hath spoken! Another selfish wish and I shall cast ye down into the Infernos of Hell forever!" roared out a voice of fury with a definite 'brogue' accent.

"You were saying, Lord Piccolo?" laughed MacGyver. "You can come out from under the table now, Your Highness." he added.

"I dropped my fork. Oh, here it is. Help me up, you saucy wench!" growled Pilar and Mai pulled her lord to his feet.

"Wanna try again, little guy?" invited the Saint who had picked up Pat's treasure from the floor.

"Mai took the trinket from Simon and said dully: "I wish our lord would have more respect for his subjects."

"Granted! That is an unselfish wish!" roared the voice of thunder.

"I beg your pardon, my dear lady. I apologize for my conduct, mum." said Pilar and Goku fell off his chair!

"Was that Pilar's voice? Being humble and apologetic, man?" yelled Goku from the floor.

"Of course it was, Lord Saiyaan! It was an unselfish wish, was it not, sir?" roared the Gaelic hero's voice.

"One wish apiece, dear friends! An unselfish wish, of course. Choose wisely, ladies and gentlemen. Farewell!" roared the Irishman and then he was gone.

"Darn it! It's cold out here, guys!" complained Elly. Young Khan grinned and then frowned as he gazed around at the high cliffs hemming in the small valley on the dark side of 'Victorine'.

"You are certain that this is the place shown on the damned scrolls, Irishman?" demanded Khan.

"Yes, sire. See the blue escarpment above us? The scroll says 'The suns rise will reveal the way to the Red Stone'. Look! There are nine moons above us now. We must await the coming of dawn, my lord." replied their 'historian' treasure seeker.

"Brrr! OK, can we please go back aboard the ship now, Boss? I'm freezin' me keester off, man!" whined their svelte navvy.

"No. We'll set up camp here for the night. Heat up some rocks, Alien. Eaoewyn, use those capsules and set up some huts for milady here. You did 'cloak' the ship, didn't you, girl?" growled their commander.

"Yeah, sure I did, man. Darn! 'Repper's busted! Guess you'll hafta cook dinner, man. Hey! Why are ya all lookin' at me? OK, but don't blame me if it ain't edible, guys. I never cooked before. Ow! These rocks are already hot? OK, how about somebody find me a blanket?" sulked Ellen.

"I'll take first watch. Remember that we are not alone on this planet. We flew over some sort of encampment on the way here. There's a stream of clear water behind that hilloch. Somebody get Milady Ellen some water so she can try and cook us a decent meal." snarled Young Khan.

"Nurse? Where's Whis?" croaked Lord Beerus from his hospital bunk. He was feeling all of his centuries tonight.

"Mr Whis is with the others at the stalag, sir. Do you wish to see him, sir?" asked Jeanne Huntley, fluffing his pillows and taking his pulse.

"Yes. Please. Something is not right on this world. Please hurry, my girl." replied Beerus.

"You rang, milord? It's OK, dear. I'll stay with him now." said Whis.

"Listen up, Whis. I sense several new souls on this world." explained Beerus.

"Yes, I too have sensed them. Some of the others saw a ship land on the dark side. I sense half a dozen minds. How are you feeling, milord?" asked Whis, the concern evident in his lilting voice.

"Yes, I feel a bit better. Better take the Namekian and the Saiyaans and investigate. I sense great evil and I sense a powerful force that has been here for millennia, my dear friend so be very cautious. Do not wait for suns rise for I feel that is what the newcomers await. Very well. I will try and get some rest, Whis. G'Night." said the God of Destruction, his eyes closing as the sedative took effect on the wolf-like being.

"You want Kakkaroth, the green man and myself to accompany you across this planet in the middle of the night, Whis?" whispered Vegeta, being careful not to awaken his wife and children.

"Yes. Great evil is on this planet's dark side and that is what the flying vessel that the others saw come down by the new City are seeking, Saiyaan Prince, sir. My Master has also sensed these things. Come quickly, please. Meet me at the flying sled thing outside. I go to awaken the green man and your fellow Saiyaan. Hurry, please." whispered Whis. Then he was gone.

"This had better be good. Flying across this bloody world in the darktime is not condusive to my rest period. And why did you have to bring the 'Pig Squad' along?" grumbled Piccolo, yawning.

"Have any of you ever heard of the 'Red Stone of Aja'?" asked Whis quietly while Krillin swung wide to avoid a cliff face.

Vegeta and Goku and Krillin shrugged their shoulders. Not so Piccolo. The Namekian had gone chalk white.

"That damned thing has surfaced again after all these thousands of years? That's what these fools are after? They must not have it!" cried the tall Namekian. "He who holds that stone will rule all of Creation! That must never happen, Whis!" he added.

"Yes. Of course, I knew that the stone had last been heard of long ago on 'Zamarkand'; how it came to be here on 'Victorine' is beyond my feeble knowledge." said Whis, scanning the ground for the star ship.

"That's easy. This is 'Zamarkand' or that's what my wife told us anyway. The 'Shimougouans' renamed it." replied Vegeta.

"I'm hungry. Can we stop somewhere for a few hundred pizzas, Mr Whis?" yawned Goku.

"We just had dinner an hour ago, Kakkaroth! Curb your stomach for once, will ya?" snarled Vegeta. "Where is this damned ship anyway?" he added angrily.

"Down there, guys. Ain't that some kinda campsite, man?" asked Krillin.

"Can we make this flying thing disappear, my friend? (Krillin nodded) Then do so at once. Quickly!" said Whis. "Land behind those large rocks, please." Whis looked quite concerned. "It cannot be. The Son of Khan? Here? He seeks the 'Red Stone of Aja'? He wishes to rule Creation? Without a doubt, he hath somehow found the Templar Scrolls! I hope we are not too late." Whis was suddenly gone!

Krillin cruised down to a soft sliding stop in the deep snowdrift. Cautiously, Piccolo peered out and then beckoned for the others to follow him. The tall Namekian almost tripped over Whis who was staring down at the row of quonset huts. Vegeta snarled.

"My fool father-in-law must be selling his capsules on the black market again. Where's Kakkaroth? Krillin? Oh, there you are. Well? Is that Young Khan or not, Piccolo?" whispered Vegeta.

"Yeah, that's him, man. Undoubtedly, the suns rise will point the way out to them." whispered Piccolo.

"OK. So what do we do now? We didn't bring any gear with us, guys." whispered Krillin.

"We spend the remainder of the night here. Only a single moon showing means suns rise is not far off." whispered Whis. The others grumbled but settled down to await the coming of daytime.

"Got a funny feeling that I am being watched, man." complained a shivering Elly.

"By whom, my dear? The men on the moons perhaps?" chuckled Eaoewyn, pouring himself and Khan more whiskey. Their alien pilot was a teetotaler as was Ellen.

"Strange world, kiddo. Trust me. Everyone else on this planet is on the light side. This is the dark side. Have some more java." chortled Young Khan.

"Think they know we're up here, Piccolo?" asked a worried Krillin.

"Of course they don't know we're here, Krilly. If they did, they'd have been up here by now." observed Whis.

"I don't sense any power coming from any of 'em. How about you, Vegeta?" asked Goku.

"Negative, Kakkaroth. Damnation! Did you eat up all of the pizza, you pig?" grumbled the Saiyaan prince angrily.

"Now, now. He's a growing boy, Your Highness. I say! There goes the last moon. Almost suns rise. I do hope that Master stays put. He was injured pretty badly. Lord Piccolo? Where's the little fellow?" whispered Whis.

"Huh? He was here a second ago. Damn! He's taken one of the 'chameleon cloaks'! He must be spying out the lay of the land for us. Hopefully, they won't notice him." replied the Namekian.

"I'm here, guys. Just four of 'em down there. A tall skinny guy, a heavy-set Irishman, a girl about my wife's age and a little dude that's the same colour as Whis. No sign o' their ship- probably cloaked. No way o' knowin' how many more o' their playmates are aboard her, man." explained Krillin, doffing his invisibility cloak.

"Looky there, man!" howled Goku and Whis quickly shushed up the big Saiyaan galoot.

"Hush, milord. Yes, I see it. The suns are illuminating the hidden entrance to the mountain. That must be the way to the 'Red Stone'. Better use those 'chameleon cloaks', gentlemen. You as well, Lord Piccolo. Quickly. I am invisible to them." whispered Whis.

"Oh no! That blasted Stone again! That means 'Wamu's clan is here! The 'Pillarmen'!" cried Joseph Joestar who had just materialized beside Vegeta.

"Where the Hell'd you come from?" demanded the Saiyaan prince, the astonishment apparent in his voice.

"That Rukia reaper gal taught me something called the 'flash step', lads. Shall we go? (Krillin tossed him a silvery cloak) What be this for, lil guy?" replied Jojo.

"So you won't be seen by Khan and his playmates, Stupid." growled the big Namekian. Jojo shrugged his shoulders and pulled on the cloak. With Whis leading, they entered the cavern just before Khan, Ellen, Eaoewyn and the teal-skinned alien. The walls glowed with an eery green shimmer so illuminators were not necessary to see their way. Suddenly, above them on the Western wall, Jojo spotted the Stone. He reached up for it and Piccolo knocked his hand away from the glowing scarlet gem surrounded by several other smaller coloured gems.

"There it is, milord. Allow me." yelped the alien, grabbing the glowing Stone.

"Ye who dares to touch the 'Holy Gem of Aja' must die." roared out a voice angrily and the wall beside the Stone came to life!

END of Chapter 12. Chapter 13 'Secret of Aja' or 'Khan vs Whis' coming soon. R/R/S away and thankee for your loyalty and support, dear friends.- Your Friendship Team.


	13. Ch 13 'Secret of Aja'Khan vs Whis'

VOV Chapter 13 'Secret of Aja' or 'Khan vs Whis'

DISCLAIMER: Cheerio, mates and ladies. Name's Joe Joestar but folks jest call me Jojo. I've been asked to read these legal briefs by Miss Xylo Phone. She's engaged to be married to Brigadier Hogan I understand. Anyway, since I'll be leading off this chapter of our adventures, Miss McCall has asked me to do the honours.

We wish to heartily thank and show our eternal gratitude to any of the creators whose works and characters we are using or may use someday. We especially want to say thankee to Mr Haruka-San Takachiho, without whose gracious permission to use his 3WA Angels' characters, this missive could not be shared with all of our friends out there.

Of course, tit for tat, as it were. Anyone who wishes may use our own creations so long as we are given due credit for them. Now-

When we left you last, that strange looking blue Alien creature who works for Lord Khan had done a huge no-no by laying hands upon the Sacred Jewel of Aja. A voice had just boomed out a warning that the poor chap must die for defiling the Holiest of Holies. I was surprised, not to say shocked, to see the wall come alive and my old friendly foe 'Wamu the Pillarman' advancing on the hapless party- our own party was invisible in our chameleon cloaks- 'Wamu' was heading straight for the poor little chap with upraised sword!

The little fool made the grievous error of firing some sort of ray gun at Wamu. The giant Pillarman merely sneered and plucked the weapon from the Alien's nerveless fingers and crushed it in his immense hand. There was a small explosion and the air was suddenly filled with debris from the ruined gun. Needless to say, the only weapon that will work against the 'Pillarmen' is 'Hamon' energy which is contained in one's blood if one happens to be from a 'Hamon' clan.

I tossed my cloak aside and leaped between Wamu and the small being, blasting my old friendly foe with 'Hamon'. I caught him offguard and he roared in pain and anger when my blast burned into the socket where his right eye had once rested. How he lost his eyes is another story. However, with his powers of thought and concentration, he'd no need of his ocular orbs anymore.

"I can sense an old foe who is also my friend. Joseph Joestar, it is you, is it not, old friend?" he asked me, confident of an affirmative reply.

"Yes, my worthy opponent. It is I. Tell me, how do you come to be on this world, Wamu?" I asked him boldly.

"Your 'Jojo' successors defeated the 'Pillarmen' in AD 2108 and we were forced into deep space like the 'Willen' were by that ancient time lord, the 'Doctor'. We found this then dead planet once known as 'Zamarkand' and melded ourselves into the rocks of this cavern to protect the 'Holiest of Holies' from anyone seeking to use its mystical powers for evil. I apologize for Lord Kars for killing 'Mistress Lisa Lisa' so dishonourably. We brought her body here after your successors graciously permitted us to leave the Earth. Sadly, we have been unable to revive her with our meagre magical gifts.

"Joseph? Did 'Robert Speedwagon' and 'Colonel von Stroheim' tell you whom 'Mistress Lisa Lisa' really was? (I nodded quickly, trying to stem the flow of tears from my eyes with little success.) Then I am doubly sorry for my cowardly comrade-in-arms. However, be that as it may, you have all violated this sacred place and must, therefore, die. I will give you time to make peace with your own deities. It is the least I can do for an honourable and worthy opponent such as yourself."

Wamu stopped speaking and bowed his massive head in homage to my dear departed Mother. However, I had no intention of dying there today nor would I allow these 'Pillarmen' to kill my companions and our enemies. Brigadier Potter had told me that every creature deserved a fair trial and, by Kami, we were going to see that Lord Khan and his cohorts got that very thing, come Hell or high water!

"Afraid we cannot allow you guys to kill anybody, pal." roared out Piccolo, whipping off his invisibility cloak. Seeing that their covers were now fully blown, Vegeta and Goku and Krillin yanked off their cloaks as well while Whis slowly materialized, scaring the living Hell outta Khan's gang.

Khan, however, snarled in anger and pointed towards the glowing 'Red Stone of Aja'. "That is mine by right, you freak! My father could never find it and now that I have, I will have it for my own! Stand aside or be destroyed!" screamed Young Khan.

"Take it- if you can, foolish mortal." said a ghostly female form in black who had just appeared between Khan and the Stone.

"Mother? Is that really you?" I cried and she smiled at me.

"Hush, little Joseph. For some strange reason, I have been allowed to return from the Land of Shadows. For how long, I know not. However, I am the Guardian of the 'Holiest of Holies' and this evil mortal being shall not lay his filthy blood-drenched hands upon it!" said the woman whom I had always known as Lisa Lisa since I had first met her in Rome all those centuries ago.

Khan advanced, drawing both laser sword and disruptor gun while the older Irishman covered his master with a plasma rifle. Krillin quickly grabbed the blue Alien and shoved him behind the feisty little Z Fighter. Wamu paid no attention to them. Ellen was quietly sobbing and shakily pointing a Mark III miniblaster at my dear Mother. Mother gave me a warning glance and I released the young girl's arm. It is quite impossible to kill the already dead.

"You call yourself a warrior? A true warrior would allow mere mortals to withdraw to an area of safety, Lord Wamu. However, it seems that honour amongst you 'Pillarmen' simply does not exist." laughed Vegeta.

"The three mortals and the small man (Krillin) may withdraw from the cavern. You and your fellow Saiyaan (Goku), this mortal being who defies us (Khan), the Namekian (Piccolo) and Jojo will remain. Khan shall do battle with Her Ladyship. The prize will be the 'Holiest of Holies'. However, we have sworn that the Sacred Stone shall never be used for evil. It is the secret to unlocking the 'Great Masque of Power' and must never be misused lest 'Creation' itself be unmade." explained Wamu.

"Go, Krillin. Take the girl, the Irishman and the blue being. Depart to a place of safety." ordered Piccolo. They left.

Khan grinned and fired point blank at Mother! Swift as a lightning flash, Whis materialized between Khan and my Mother, taking the full blast of the disruptor into his own body.

"If you want to fight this lady, you must first defeat me, Evil Mortal. Use any weapons you prefer. I have my staff." said Whis quietly. Khan snarled again, dropped his disruptor gun and drove his laser sword's beam of glowing green light into and through the teal-coloured Alien's body!

Whis smiled sweetly. "To paraphrase my own Master (Lord Beerus), 'That all ya got, man?' Please do not disappoint me, Lord Khan. Your father was much stronger than that when I fought against him on 'Monserrat Seven'." he said, calmly drinking a milkshake which had mysteriously appeared in his hand.

"You should be dead, man! You took a full charged blast of ionic energy and then I ran a light blade right through ya! You can't be alive, man!" howled Young Khan in amazement.

"Dear me. You cannot hope to defeat me, much less Lord Wamu or Her Ladyship or any of us with such primitive weapons. Have you anything else to show me?" yawned Whis who was floating in mid-aether.

"Try this on for size, smart guy! I learned this trick from a Saiyaan in a bar in 'Corrallia'." roared Khan. "See if ya kin dodge this one!" he added and launched a 'spirit bomb' at the tall Alien who, far from trying to sidestep it, allowed it to strike him full force! He did seem to wince as he absorbed it, but I was not fooled.

"Oh my, that tickled. I believe that I should not have had that forty-fifth steak sandwich at dinner last evening. Gave me a bit of gas." said Whis who was tiring of this one-sided game. Truth be told, Whis was not like his Master. He preferred to defeat, but not to harm unduly nor kill his opponents. He had proven that with Piccolo, Goku and Vegeta. Had Lord Khan any common sense at all, he would have been on his knees begging for mercy by this time. The fool wanted more. So- he did the unforgiveable!

He charged at Whis again with his blade and then leaped over him and drove the gleaming light ray beam through my own dear Mother's chest! I was devastated and angry at the same time. I was about to intervene when I felt Wamu's firm hand on my arm.

"A cowardly trick, sir. Worthy of that dog, Lord Kars himself. Have you no honour, sir? No decency? To attack a poor defenseless deceased woman? Well! I will show you just how defenseless I am, sir. Just because I am dead does not mean that I cannot fight, sir. Take that." said my Mother in a quiet lilting voice of honey.

She flipped her scarf (Her only weapon and the only one she had ever needed before that last terrible fight on Earth) adroitly around Khan's sword wrist, disarming him easily. Then the scarf began to glow- with 'Hamon' energy released through her own blood! Suddenly, the scarf burst into flames and Khan howled in agony. Try as he might, the scarf stayed around his wrist while his blood ran in scarlet rivulets onto the floor.

"Please release him, Madam. He must defeat me if he intends to fight you and Wamu. I am sure that her son also wishes to take a crack at him." said Whis softly. Mother's scarf vanished although the damage had already been done. His left hand would never function again.

"Fer Kriss sakes, man! At least bandage his wounds, man! That ain't bloody fair, man!" yelled Ellen who'd been watching from the cavern's entryway. Krillin raced in with the skysled's first aid kit and played medic. Then he hustled back outside.

"I will take pity on you, milord. (Whis was always polite, even to his foes.) Do you yield?" asked Whis.

"Prove that you are at least half as smart as your father, boy. Give it up already. Save your miserable life." said Piccolo.

Instead of accepting defeat gracefully- like a true warrior- Khan attacked- me!

I struck him with a very weak 'Hamon' blast which threw him out of the cave and into 'Eaoewyn's lap!

The big Irishman stood up, gently lowering the unconscious Khan to the floor where Ellen cooed over him. Then he advanced into the cavern, bowed to all of us and laid down his rifle, sword and pistols. "You have won, Lord Whis. Please allow us to depart this world in peace, sir." he said.

"Not so fast, pal. You have committed crimes against humanity and now you must accept the consequences, sir. As a duly deputized 'tro-con' officer of the 3WA, I hereby place all of you under arrest. Vegeta will fly your ship back to our camp where Madam President Marshall Poe-Prydonia will decide your fates. Cuff 'em, Piccolo." said Goku, glaring menacingly at the little band of pirates. Eaoewyn nodded dejectedly and held out his hands for the 'forced beam handcuffs' which were snapped on his wrists by the big Namekian.

I placed the cuffs on Lady Ellen and the small blue Alien. Krillin cuffed the unconscious Khan. Vegeta was already heading unerringly towards their cloaked vessel. Cloaks are of no use against the eyes of a Saiyaan. A few seconds later we heard the roar of the ship's thrusters and we knew that Lord Vegeta had successfully lifted off.

"I owe you much, Joseph Joestar. You and your Mother. I understand that on this world there is a being known as ShenRon, a mighty dragon who grants wishes. Perhaps he can restore life to your dear Mother. In any case, we have decided to allow all of you to depart in peace. In return, you will detonate explosives and seal this cavern with the 'Holiest of Holies' and we 'Pillarmen' in here forever. The temptation for absolute power is too great to risk the Stone falling into the wrong hands. Do you pledge me your solemn oath to do all of these things, Joseph, my friend?" said Wamu.

What could I do? Wamu had treated me fairly and honourably, had he not? Could I do any less for him? I promised.

We loaded Khan aboard the sled while Piccolo waited with Khan's other crewmen for the sled being flown out by 'Xylo Phone' and her fiancee. Krillin lifted off smoothly and we flew back to the camp. After listening patiently to our reports, Lady Poe-Prydonia came to a decision. Since Ellen, Eaoewyn and Khan's other crewmen and women had not really broken any laws, they were free to go. She sent to 'Kurestan' for transport for Khan who was wanted for many other crimes already.

I was ordered to accompany a demolitions team headed by the 'Blonde Bomber' (Minnie Mae Hopkins aka 'Kitten') to point out the entrance to the 'Pillarmen's domain so that I could keep my promise to Wamu. Whis was overjoyed to find that Lord Beerus was well on the mend and eating solid food again. The God of Destruction had decided not to destroy 'Victorine' after all and stated that he and Whis would soon be on their way again.

When I returned from the mountain after blowing shut the entrance to the caverns, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Robert Speedwagon and Lord von Stroheim had followed me to this world and time. I never asked how. Oh and I forgot that my Mother's 'spirit' had accompanied us back to the camp and plans were now underway to seek out those '7 golden balls' in order to summon Lord ShenRon to grant my wish to restore life once more to my dear Mother.

"So, anyway, my foundation's R&D team finally came up with a time travel machine- and here we are. I understand, sir, that you and your son also had a time traveling machine, Mr Peabody?" said Robert Speedwagon and Piccolo gave him a withering look.

"Now you've done it, Mr Speedwagon. He never shuts up once he starts yakkin' about his 'Way Back Machine', does he Goku?" chuckled the big Namekian.

"Ya got that right, big guy. He'll gab fer hours about that thing that he and Sherman built." chuckled Goku.

"Ahem! That I 'myself' built, sir. Sherman is my adopted 'boy', not my son and he did 'not' assist me in building it although he does break it every so often, meaning that I must effect repairs to the machine. More java, ny dear, if you don't mind." replied the little white doggie who was a full Colonel in the 3WA and our logistics and strategies officer.

"Where is Sherman, sir?" asked 'Lady Jirel of Joiry' who was pouring more java for us.

"With 'HER' the last I heard, Miss Joiry. Careful! You have already ruined one of my suits. I don't need you to ruin this one as well, girl. Thank you. You are dismissed." said the male Chauvinist canine.

"Und whom ist 'HER', mein Herr?" asked Colonel von Stroheim. Of course, we all knew whom he was referring to as does everyone here when 'She' is mentioned. They can only mean the 'Imperial Supreme Grand Marshall Keirran O'Halloran', the highest ranking female officer in the 3WA. Mr Peabody politely explained that Sherman was Miss O'Halloran's 'cabin boy' aboard her own flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2' which was currently on a star mapping mission in the 'Tyrolean Galaxy'.

From the tone of his answers, Robert felt it best to allow the matter to rest. Whis, however, told him exactly whom 'She' was. The Colonel laughed.

"You are afraid of a mere woman? A woman who does not even know how to use 'Hamon'?" he chuckled and we all pretended to be busy.

Mr Peabody and Robert Speedwagon had soon ensconced themselves in an argument over their 'Way Back' and 'Time Travel' machines. Their yakking bored me so I strolled outside, being careful to avoid the minefield. I watched a huge vessel land beside the river. Suddenly, a tall statuesque blonde wearing full Marshall's pips materialized beside me.

"Marshall Angel, 3WA, sir. Commanding the 'Lovely Angel 5'. I am here to pick-up a prisoner named Khan." she said matter-of-factly, giving me the galactic salute which I returned.

"Captain Joseph Joestar, 3WA. At your service, mum. Your prisoner is in the President's hut. Please follow me." I replied. I looked around, but I could see no other members of her crew.

"Your pardon, mum. No guards?" I asked and she removed her flight helmet, shook out her golden tresses and then shook her head. "Nope. Just me. I doubt if Lord Khan will give me any trouble. We are- old friends, Jojo." she replied with a mischievous grin. By now, we'd reached the hut and Lady Bulma espied my new friend.

"Hullo, Mar. Long time, no see. You're lookin' a bit peaky these days. Anything wrong?" asked the blue-haired bombshell.

"Took a blast of 'Argulyne Gas' a few weeks back. Still a mite groggy from it. Where's Khan?" asked Marlene Angel. I found out later that Miss Angel was one of the 'Unholy 4' and one of the 'Insane 6'- one of the first tro-cons recruited by the 'Lovely Angels' themselves.

"Good evening, dear. You have the vid-docs for me to sign? (Mar produced the necessary vidfiles). Excellent. He is all yours, my dear child. You will fly him to 'Kurestan' where he will be tried before the 'High Senate of Alderaan'. InuYasha and Kouga will accompany you. Let's get him loaded aboard, boyos. Have a safe voyage, guys. Dismissed." said the short red-headed Prez Marshall Allison Poe-Prydonia.

The dog demon whispered to me that Allie was older than she looked- which was 17. I asked him her true age and the wolf demon chortled that on her last birthday, she had turned 137. We all saluted her while she merely waved us away. The tall blonde lady spoke briefly into her comm badge thing and then Khan on his stretcher, the demons and the blonde all began to shimmer and then they vanished. I had witnessed my very first 'beam transport'.

"So this is where you've gotten to, laddie. Evening, mum. Marvelous way to board a vessel I must say. Time for supper, Jojo." said Robert Speedwagon and I suddenly remembered something.

"How did Marshall Angel know my nickname was Jojo I wonder?" I mused aloud and Allie grinned.

"The same way I did, boyo. She saw it in your thoughts. She read your mind, Captain. Many of us on this world can both 'mind speak' and 'mind send'. Mostly the ladies, but quite a few of the gentlemen as well. I believe that one of the MASH 4077th gentlemen possesses these powers. They call him 'Radar' I believe." she giggled and I went a bit red in the face. I am quite shy around the ladies. Robert and I waited for Miss Poe-Prydonia to join us, but she told us that she would have her dinner there at her desk and shooed us away. We went back to the camp hut office and had a very good supper.

On my way back to my own quarters, I ran into 'Kitten' the 'Blonde Bomber'- literally. I helped the young kid to her feet and she shoved a vid-doc message into my hands, said excuse me, sir and vamoosed. The epistle was addressed to 'Madam President Poe-Prydonia' and marked 'Super Important' so I retraced my steps, walked past Mr Peabody and Robert Speedwagon who were still yakking about time travel and tapped on the office portal.

"It's open, man. C'mon in." called a husky female voice from within.

"Oh, it's you, Jojo. Well? What's on yer mind, big guy?" asked 'Mrs Romana Caldy' who was seated behind the big desk. I explained that I was looking for the 'Madam President'.

"Yeah? What for?" she asked, knitting her brows and sipping her java.

"I have a message for her- marked 'Super Important', mum." I replied. She stuck out her hand which I dutifully kissed. Is that not what is proper for married ladies? She angrily shook her hand off my lips and snapped her fingers.

"I'm in charge now. Alley Cat's been recalled to 'Shimougou' for a meeting with 'Chief Garner'. Let's see it, man." she said and I handed it to her. She stuck the vid-doc into her PDO unit, read it through quickly and her mouth dropped open. She shot to her feet so fast that she almost upset the heavy desk! She did spill java all over both of us.

"Bad news?" I ventured timidly. I found out early on that it's not a good idea to get any of the ladies on this planet upset.

"The absolute damned worst, boyo! 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' is on her way back here from her star mapping mission. She's due to make planetfall in two bloody hours. Ever met 'Imperial Supreme Grand Marshall O'Halloran'? (I shook my head) Then quite an experience awaits you, my son. Go find Hogan or Potter and bring 'em back here. Better make it both of 'em and that blue alien freak- Whis as well. Now, man! Move yer keester." snarled the time lady and I skedaddled.

She was still fuming and mopping up the mess when I left the lady. I jogged back to MASH 4077th/Luftstalag 13 and burst into the shared office. 'Brigadiers Hogan and Potter' were having tea with Whis and Lord Beerus. I relayed 'Mrs Caldy's orders and they all pulled on winter gear (Except Whis) and announced that they were ready to go.

"C'mon, son. Time's a-wasting. What's this all about, sonny?" asked 'Sherman T Potter', CO of the MASH unit.

"Yeah, Jojo. What's so all fired important anyway?" asked 'Robert Taylor Hogan', senior POW officer of Luftstalag 13.

"Oh dearie me. I am getting very negative vibrations from 'Mrs Mandlinkova-Caldy'. Perhaps we should hasten our departure." said Whis.

"Maybe a chance at another good fight? Let's motor, man!" yelled Lord Beerus and I led the way back to the HQ hut.

"Whassup, Romy?" asked Xylo Phone who had tagged along with her fiancee, Brigadier Hogan.

"Uh, 'She' is due back here in two hours, gang. That means no more of this blessed peace and quiet. Better set up a separate quonset hut for her. In case you have all forgotten, I am referring to the highest ranking tro-con officer in the 3WA- Imperial Supreme Grand Marshal Kei O'Halloran. Better let Peabody know because her cabin boy is his 'boy', Sherman. Oh and if 'She' is headed back here, it's bound to mean real trouble because she hates this world and prefers her flat in 'Furool (Foo-Lon) City' on 'Shimougou'. Better run a scan of the immediate galaxies and see if anything turns up. That's all. Scat." said a perturbed 'Mrs Caldy' and I began to wonder why 'Miss O'Halloran' was headed back here instead of back home.

"Ma'am? How come we ain't goin' back home to your place, Miss Kei,ma'am?" asked the always polite boy, 'Sherman Peabody'.

"Eh? Whassat, kiddo? Oh, I wanted to go back home too, but 'Uncle Chuckie' had other plans for us. Some kinda 'Beast World' is heading for 'Victorine' and for some reason, we lost the danged comm relay signal before I could tell Romy about it. So, we've been ordered to deliver the warning personally, kid. Any more hot java? No? Be a good little boy and run down to the galley and get me a big jug o' the stuff. Maybe some burgers and whatever junk food ya want too. We'll make planetfall in two solar hours. If ya run into her, send the exec, 'Miss Lily', up here to the bridge. Scoot." growled the highest ranking and most decorated tro-con officer in the 3WA. The kid grinned and shot off like a rocket.

"Here's yer java, kid. Careful. It's damned hot, Shermie." warned 'Goat Smith' who was Kei's cook.

"Thank you, sir. I'll be careful." replied Sherman, balancing the jug and his other goodies on an 'anti-grav trolley'. He was halfway up the corridor when he remembered that he was supposed to find 'Miss Lily'. He maneuvred the trolley back the way he'd come and pulled the klaxon cord on the portal labeled 'Executive Officer Quarters- Private'.

"Yeah? Whazzit? Oh, just c'mon in. It's open, man." called a gruff voice from within. Sherman tapped the portal release panel and immediately averted his eyes from his exec. Lily was sprawled on a sofa wrapped in an old bath towel. Lily saw the kid and giggled. Then she tapped her 'morphing bracelet' and told Sherman he could look. Now she was wearing an old-fashioned (22nd Century) 3WA tro-con uniform which was little more than a skimpy top, a pair of diapers and knee length Cavalier boots. As was normal with these old-fashioned outfits, there was no headgear and only a single glove.

"Begging your pardon, ma'am, for the intrusion. Miss O'Halloran requests the pleasure of your company on the bridge- at your convenience, ma'am." he said, quaking in his boots. Lily was normal compared to the 'Unholy 4' or the 'Insane 6'- the original 'Lovely Angels' and their partners. Lily smiled ruefully and glanced down at her attire.

"Guess I'd better change, huh? Cold up on the bridge, Shermie? (The boy nodded) OK. Tell 'Her Nibs' that I'll be up directly, kiddo. Ooh! Is that hot java? Gimme a mug o' it. Please?" asked Lily and the kid dutifully filled a cup and placed it on the java table.

"Thanks, ma'am. I'll tell her." said Sherman.

"Uh, what's she want, man? We're goin' back home, ain't we? That should've cheered up the old sourpuss, eh?" chuckled Lily who was trying to decide between a red pantsuit or a green one. Sherman shook his head.

"No, we ain't, ma'am. Mr Garner's ordered us back to 'Victorine'. Miss O'Halloran'll tell ya all about it. See ya topside, ma'am." said Sherman, bowing to his exec and jogging to keep up with his trolley. Lily frowned at her reflection in the mirror.

"So we're goin' to 'Vic', huh? No wonder the Hellcat's in such a bad mood. She was lookin' forward to that monthlet's leave Charlie said we'd have after this blasted mission. I feel for her. I was lookin' forward to visitin' Mum on 'Kagura'." mused 'Subaltern (jg) Lillian Eloise Hathaway'. 'Mum' was former 3WA 'Sector Chief Eloise 'Ella' Marie Hathaway' who was now retired and living in a lovely villa overlooking the 'North Star & Southern Cross Golf & Country Club' on 'Kagura'. 'Kagura' was a small world about twelve 'lightys' (light years) away from 'Shimougou', HQ world for the 3WA.

"Here's your java and burgers, ma'am. Miss Lily'll be up directly. She's tryin' to decide what to wear, ma'am. Need me for anything else, ma'am?" asked Sherman, cap in hand. The redhead tapped her PDO unit one last time and smiled.

"Don't tell me. Lemme guess. That cute 'Sailor Pluto's invited ya to play 'Duel Monsters' on the holodeck, hasn't she, kid? Better split, kiddo. 'Tain't nice to keep a lady waitin' on ya. Have fun." laughed the Boss Lady, crushing a cheroot beneath her boot heel and firing up another one. Then she poured some of the 'Golden Elixir of Life' (You probably know it as 'Jameson's Irish Whiskey') into her hot java and took a big pull of her 'Java Royale' drink.

"That looks good, Boss. How's about sharin', huh?" asked Lily, holding out her mug. Kei poured a generous dollop (About 10 fingers) into Lily's mug. "Mmmn! Super, man!" she added after sipping delicately from her java.

"Better nurse it. We got heavy solar storms howlin' around 'Vic's 'gravity well' and we'll both need all o' our faculties to negotiate planetfall damned soon. (She glanced at the wall chromo and frowned) Unh huh. Another ten solar minutes left. Get on the scanners, Blondie. There's a floatin' asteroid field near 'Vic' and I don't wanna blunder into the damned thing." growled the Boss who was filling in as pilot for this mission. Lily was doing double duty as both co-pilot and exec. This time out, all they had aboard the 'Lovely Angel 2', a K-Class patrol starship, was a skeleton crew.

"You want us to do what, Sweetheart? Put up another capsule quonset hut? By the campsite? Why? Huh? Oh. Don't ask, just do it, eh? How about after we get these skysleds maintenanced? Later huh? OK, Dearest. Consider it done. See ya at dinner? Maybe huh? OK. Take care and don't overexert yerself, Romy. Remember that ye're carryin' our lil one, OK? Bye." said Jonathan Caldy, the new head of the base motor pool. 'Dynamo' was foreman for the new buildings going up over in 'Victoria City' and Jonny was a natural born mechanic so Allison had put him in charge of the vessels and other transport crafts in his absence.

"Listen up, guys. My better half just ordered me to put up another hut over by the campsite. So, I'll need you 'Marty' ('Martian Manhunter') and you, 'John' ('Green Lantern'). 'Bart's ('Green Arrow') in charge while I'm gone. Get those sleds serviced asap. Got it?" ordered 'Major Caldy'.

"Whatever ya say, Jon. Hey! Break time's over, 'Wes' ('The Flash'), 'Bruce' ('Batman'). 'Kal' ('Superman') back with those fuel cells yet? No? Well, as soon as he gets back, make sure that each vessel's got a full tank and a good reserve supply aboard. OK?" growled 'Bart'.

"Let's go, guys. See ya soon." said Caldy. "You drive, 'Marty'." he added, climbing aboard an open-top aircar. Off they roared for the 17 kilometre run to the combined 'MASH/Stalag' campsite.

"Inner markers in sight, Boss. No asteroids I can see." called Lily from the nav room next door to the bridge.

"Great. Get over here. I'm takin' her down. This is the Boss. Strap yerselves in and hold on. Those solar storms are playin' merry 'jigoku' (Hell) with that 'grav well'. Here we go." announced Kei, yanking back on the throttle and heading for the 'gravity well's 'window'. The solar winds were howling at 600 kpm.

END of Chapter 13. Chapter 14 'Raising the Dead' or 'Visiting Angel' to follow soon. Maybe before the US Open in June? R/R/S. Have a swell Eastertide and see ya soon.- Romy Mandlinkova-Caldy and the Your Friendship Team.


	14. Ch 14'Raising the Dead'Visiting Angel'

VOV Chapter 14 'Raising the Dead' or 'Visiting Angel'

DISCLAIMER: Hullo there, everyone! Been a long time, hasn't it? Sorry, I am the Doctor or as everyone calls me 'Old Scarfy'. I have arrived at Victorine with an important message. However, it's my turn to do the honours so-

We want to thank Mr Haruka-San Takachiho and every other creator whose creations we have used, may use or are using. Without their consents, we would be unable to share our adventures with you, would we? Of course, anyone who wants to use any of our own creations and OCs- go ahead so long as we get our due credit for them. Now on with the show!

When I landed my TARDIS in the huge 'parking lot', I was surprised to see the Boss's flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2' was there as well. Last I heard, she had been sent on a star mapping mission in the 'Tropacean Galaxy', several billion 'lightys' (light years) from her home world of 'Shimougou'.

"Hey, Doctor! Long time, no see, man. Where ya been?" asked 'Light Yagami'. As usual, he was trailed by his death god 'Shinigami', 'Ryuuk'. The 'Death Notebook' kid looked to be in his early 20's now. Time traveling confuses the heck outta us time lords and ladies.

"Hullo there, Light, Ryuuk. 'Gallifrey'. In fact, that's why I'm here. When'd the Boss Lady get here? That was a short star mapping mission eh?" I replied. The kid grinned.

"About an hour ago. She was sent here by Mr Garner. She's mad as Hell too. She was supposed to be getting some much needed R&R- a couple of monthlets. Instead, 'Uncle Chuck' ordered her here to deliver some kinda warning to us. Better check in with the 'Alley Cat'. See ya around. C'mon, big guy. We gotta get those freighters unloaded." said Light.

Now I was darned confused. Garner never gave orders lightly and I knew for a fact that he had promised R&R time to every member of the 'LA2' crew and he usually kept his word. Must be something really serious to bring the Boss all the way out here. I sighed and wandered around until I found the big HQ quonset hut and went inside. It was a bit nippy out today and I was glad of my six foot long scarf. Sarah Jane (Smith) I had left behind on 'Gallifrey'. She was visiting with Romana and her family. She and 'Derek Ames' had three kids now. I myself came here with a dire dilemma which old 'Barusa' had dumped in my lap.

You see, my 12th regenerated self has been very sick for several years now and when he's gone, our 'Prydonian' line will come to an end unless we can figure out a legal and humane way for him to regenerate. I had an idea which could work, but I'd need a lot of help from everyone here, especially the 'Z Fighters'. However, more about that later. I had reached the 'office' and I was waved to a chair by my 'daughter', Allison Poe-Prydonia who was this world's first President. Her military ranking with the 3WA was 'Imperial Marshall', the second highest ranking on the force. She was also this world's liaison officer with 'Gallifrey', our own home world.

I took a chair beside her other visitor, the hot-headed redhead, Kei O'Halloran, the 'Boss' who held the title ranking of 'Imperial Supreme Grand Marshall', the #1 ranking in the 3WA. She was striking in her black and silver dress uniform and she did not look like she was almost 35 Earth years of age. As usual, she was drinking Irish whiskey- neat. I declined refreshments and got right to the point.

"Allie, Deirdre (I always used Kei's middle name whenever I was on assignment), is it within 'Lord ShenRon's powers to either continue my family's regeneration cycle or to begin a new cycle for us?" I asked. They both stared at me like I had just stepped off a refugee vessel and was not quite right in the cranium.

"Are you serious, Daddy?" asked an astonished Madame President.

"Have you 'Gallifreyan' lunatics finally gone baka nuts, man?" growled the Boss, downing her drink in a single gulp. Allie poured one for herself and tossed it back in one swallow before she began coughing and retching. I patted her on the back and gave her some water. 190 proof hooch ain't made to be drunk like soda pop! The Boss was an exception to the rules, of course.

"I am quite serious, ladies. And so is 'Lord Barusa'. It was the 'Casterlain's idea, not mine. Well, is it feasible or not?" I demanded, a bit sulkily. Both ladies looked quite perplexed indeed. Then a new voice spoke.

"Of course, it is within the powers of the 'Eternal Dragon', Doctor. However, have you weighed the consequences? The Universes are huge and all encompassing, but they are still finite. Who knows what upsetting the balance of nature could do to them. You are in luck, Doctor. 'Bulma' will soon be setting forth in the 'Lady Foucault' (Her time ship) to seek those seven elusive 'Dragon Balls'. The dragon always grants three wishes.

"Whether or not Bulma and company will agree to allow you to use one of them for this matter will be up to them. Yuck! Who made this tea and when? It tastes like roadkill blood! Your pardons, ladies. Better hurry, Doc. Bulma's due to lift off in a few minutes. Oh, Allie? Has 'Her Nibs'told you the bad news yet? See ya later." 'Q' left as mysteriously as he had arrived after making his speech to them.

"The prodigal son returns and then splits. Siddown, Doc. This concerns 'Gallifrey' too. Allie, yer solar storms here knocked out my comm relay signal before I could warn ya so 'Uncle Chuckie' (Garner) ordered me here to deliver it in person. There's some kinda 'Beast World', a traveling planet that consumes other worlds, asteroids, atolls, moons, stars, you name it- whatever is in its path. Its next port o' call is this place and, if she stays on this same course, next stop will be 'Gallifrey'.

"My orders are to evacuate both worlds and drag everyone back home to 'Shim'. I have already sent Kome (Sawaguchi) with her 'LA4' ship to your world, Doc. Better have your people start packin' and get word to the spaceport. No unauthorized flights off this rock until further notice. That's a direct order, Missy. And that includes Bulma Brief's travelin' freak show to hunt dragon balls.

"Got all that? (Allison nodded without looking up from her PDO unit) Good. Move yer buns, guys! I'm lifting off in an hour. 'Dynamo's prepping the ship for immediate departure. Mind if I borrow a sled? Someone had better tell the army guys. See ya soon." growled the Boss and I picked up a vidphone. I had to warn Barusa about Kome's coming to evacuate our people from 'Gallifrey'.

Suddenly, the portals were shoved roughly aside and the blue-haired bombshell, Bulma Brief, strode up to the desk and crashed her gloved fist down on it. She was flanked by Goku and Vegeta while other 'Z Fighters' crowded into the office behind her.

"What the Hell's goin' on, toots? I was all set to lift off on our hunt when I was ordered to stand down or be arrested! Just because you're the Prez don't give ya permission to run our lives, dammit! And another thing-" screamed Bulma.

"Ye're yellin' at the wrong person, Brief. I gave them orders, not the Alley Cat. Ya got an hour to pack up yer kit bags and be ready to lift off. My orders are to evac everyone back to 'Shim'. Kome's takin' the 'LA4' to evac 'Gallifrey'. You don't wanna know why and I ain't authorized to tell ya neither. Get goin' and be ready on time. That's a direct order, Mrs Brief." commanded the redhead.

"OK. Guess we do like we been told, guys. About face and start packing. Meet ya at the 'Lady F' in a half hour. By your command, mum." snarled Bulma, saluting. Both of her superiors ignored it. I hung up the vidphone and sighed. Barusa was organizing the pullout or bugout of our home world. For now, our regenn problems were on hold.

"Hey! What gives, Miss Allison? I was all set to go dragon ball hunting so we can wish my Mother (Elizabeth Joestar aka Lisa Lisa) alive again and I was told to start packing. What is going on, mum?" asked 'Joseph Joestar' better known to us as 'Jojo'.

"Sorry, 'Jojo', but we have been ordered to evacuate this planet immediately. Sorry again, but I am not at liberty to give you the reason, son. Hurry and get packed. Report back to the 'Lady Foucault' in half an hour. That is an order, boyo." explained Allie to the 'Hamon' fighter.

"Come along, my son. We mustn't make nusiances of ourselves. I am sure that this nice lady has only our best interests at heart. We can summon 'Lord ShenRon' whenever we find the golden balls. No worries, dear Joseph. Let us hurry." murmured Jojo's mother's voice in his ears. Her 'ghost' was already aboard the 'Lady F' so Jojo hustled to pack up his few belongings. He collided with 'Robert Speedwagon' and Jojo assisted him in picking up his charts and maps.

"Oh dear. There does not seem to be any room aboard any of the ships for my 'Time Travel' machine nor for Mr P's 'Way Back' machine. Would there be room aboard Mrs Brief's vessel, Jojo?" asked the distraught Earth adventurer.

"Plenty of room on my TARDIS, Mr S. For both machines." chortled the Doctor we knew as 'Old Scarfy'. He led the way to his small police box vessel and Robert looked skeptical.

"In that thing, sir? It does not seem to be that large." observed Speedwagon. The Doctor laughed as did I.

"It is much bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, Robert." I said, shoving him inside. Soon we had hauled both machines aboard the TARDIS and I left Mr Peabody and Robert with the time lord while I hastened to pack my kit bags and hurry to the 'Lady F' time ship, whatever that might be.

"We'd just about given up on you, Jojo. You'll handle the deck guns for me. Once we clear this planet, shoot at anything that shows up. Got it, boyo?" snapped Mrs Brief. I sat down in the chair she had pointed to and then I strapped myself in. Mr Krillin pointed out the various controls for the guns and then he took his place in the co-pilot's seat.

"Attention all hands! This is O'Halloran speakin'. I am lifting off right behind you, Bulma. You're takin' point. Lift off asap. I'll be right behind ya. Don't bother to 'cloak'. There's a huge 'Beast World' heading this way and we cannot fire from 'cloak'. Who ya got on the deck guns? Whoever it is, tell 'em to stay alert, man! That damned thing just swallowed 'Laertes 6'. They barely evacuated in time. The rest of ya follow us through the 'grav well' and watch for the 'Beast'. O'Halloran out."

The Boss's bellowing stopped as quickly as it had begun and Mrs B slid behind the pilot's controls. We lifted off smoothly and crashed through the 'weather barrier' which was still raised around the planet. I found out later it hadn't been lowered because the solar winds were howling at 2500 kpm! I stared through the windshield in front of me and flexed my fingers. So far, so good. The Doctor's TARDIS had transported itself aboard the 'Lady F' just seconds before we had lifted off and now Robert and Smokey were both standing behind my chair and staring open-mouthed into deep space.

"Don't stand there, gentlemen. Get on the scanners next door in the nav room. The more eyes watching for that Beast planet, the better. Damnation! The Boss didn't tell me where we were going! (Mrs B tapped her comm badge) Brief to O'Halloran. Where the Hell are we going, man? Over." yelled the blue-haired lady. She listened for awhile and then bellowed for Piccolo. He was our navigator.

"You screamed, Bulma?" he asked, materializing beside her. "Don't do that, Piccolo! Gives me the willies! The Boss wants us to head for Mars. She doesn't think we can beat that thing to 'Shimougou' so we'll make our stand on Mars. Use the 'Arch'. Put us on course for 'Moravian City'. We'll approach from the West. Ya know where the spaceport tower is, don't ya? (The big Namekian guy nodded and headed for the nav room, dragging Robert S and Smokey B with him) Then let's go." yelled Mrs B.

"Of course I do, Bully. Get on the scanners, guys. Jojo, keep a sharp watch and don't hesitate to fire." snarled Piccolo.

"The 'Arch'?" I asked and Mr Krillin grinned. "The 'Adonis Arch', pal. It's a 'wormhole' in space. A shortcut to Mars. Takes about three solar days off our trip." he explained.

"ETA to Mars will be 36 solar hours. Any sign of the Beast yet?" yelled Piccolo.

"No, sir. A few small chunks of rock, but they are nowhere near us. Should I try using 'Hamon' on it when it arrives, Robert?" I asked and Mr Vegeta gripped my shoulder.

"No, fool! Blood energy won't work against rock! When it appears, blast it! Maybe we can alter its course. Just when we need them, that blasted Beerus and his blue pal (Whis) disappear." grumbled Mr Vegeta.

"Someone mentioned my name?" asked Whis who had just materialized with a half-asleep Beerus in his arms.

"Yes! Wake up Rip Van Winkle there and have him destroy this damned Beast planet, Blueskin." ordered Mr Vegeta. Whis shook his head and gently laid Lord Beerus on a cot that he produced from the aether.

"Not possible. The last time he fell asleep, he slept for 40 centuries, my friend. No, destroying worlds is well beyond my poor abilities. Could someone get me some milk and cookies, please?" replied Whis and GoTen hustled off to the galley.

"That all? How about a full high tea while we're at it? Darn! I was looking forward to our dragon ball hunt. Now we're going to Mars and they don't like us there. Last time I was there, the 'ISSP' (Inter Solar Systems Police) locked us all up. Anything on the scanners, Mr S?" called Mrs Brief and received a reply in the negative. By now, Mr Whis was happily munching chocolate chip cookies and swilling his milk. Suddenly, I sat bolt upright.

"Holy Hannibal! What the devil is that thing, Mrs B?" I yelped when a huge something blotted out the windshield!

"That's the Beast! Range?" howled Mrs B and Lord Beerus mumbled "Not to worry yet. It is still a few hundred K 'lightys' from us. Jojo? That is not a windshield. It is a vidscreen. The feed comes from this vessel's external vidcams. Save your ammo."

Then he went back to his dreams and Whis confirmed that we had nothing to worry about- yet. I went back to watching and Mr Krillin pointed out the rangefinder on my console.

"When that reads 5K lightyears, open fire, Jojo. Don't hesitate. Careful, Bulma! You almost clipped that asteroid! Ahoy! There's the 'Arch'. Don't miss it, man! We gotta beat that thing to Mars!" yipped Mr Krillin.

"Prepare to jump to 'hyperspace', Krillin. Hang onto yer shorts, guys! Here we go!" growled Mrs B and suddenly we were in some sort of tunnel and the stars turned into lines of light! This was 'hyperspace'?

"ETA to end of 'Arch'- 16 solar hours." called Mr Piccolo. I was fascinated by the closeness of the 'tunnel' walls. I started to get sick to my stomach. I suffer from claustrophobia. More than half a solar day of this? I went back to watching the rangefinder in front of me.

"I always get the willies when we go inside this 'Arch', mum. It's so dark and spooky." said Sherman Peabody who was sitting in the Boss's command chair. Kei grunted and dodged another asteroid. She had insisted on piloting her 'LA2' flagship to Mars.

"Yeah, it does take some gettin' used to, kiddo. Why don't you go and get us some snacks and tell 'em I need another bottle o' my hooch too." replied the redhead. The kid dutifully padded off quietly to the lift.

"You thinkin' of adoptin' the lil guy, Boss?" grinned Lily from her co-pilot's seat.

"You kiddin', Missy? That white doggie'd never give up the kid. I see light ahead, Boss. Looks like the end of 'Adonis'. Keep yer eyes peeled for that Beast thing, Spike, Ed and Faye." said the big 'Cowboy', Jett Black. He and his Bebop crew were the ship's gunners this trip.

"Oh joy! The end of the line at last!" I shouted when I saw light at the end of the tunnel. "Coming oitta 'hyperspace', gang. Brace yerselves." warned Mrs Brief and suddenly, the stars were back and I could just make out the towers of 'Moravian City' on Mars in the distance.

"Two hours away, Bulma. Guess we beat that thing after all." growled Piccolo.

"Of course we beat it. That thing could not fit through the 'Arch'. It has to continue on its direct route to Mars. By my calculations, it is seven solar days behind us now. Ah, Master (Lord Beerus) is sleeping peacefully. Looks like I will have to figure out how to deflect this Beast World for you, mum." said Whis.

"I hope the Boss isn't planning what I think she's planning, guys." said a worried Chi Chi Son. Goku whispered to me that she referred to their awesome 'God Gun' weapon which could easily vapourize it. Mrs B checked our course and then put us on 'George'. The tower at 'MC' would take over as soon as we reached Mars's inner markers. I relaxed and watched for stray space junk in our path.

"Who ate up all the pizza, man? 'Rep up' another one, Darling, will ya? That 'Arch' was the pits, Bobby." grumbled 'Captain Xyla Phone' to her soon to be hubby, 'Brigadier Robert Hogan'. Her space truck rig 'Lexington Lana' was third in the convoy.

"Take it easy on the bumps, Miss Phone. Do not forget that Helga's in the family way back here." said 'Colonel Wolfgang Hochstetter'. The MASH 4077th and Stalag 13 crews were riding in the 'trailers' of Xyla's space rig.

"Relax, Sweetums. The kid's not due for another four monthlets. Just two more solar hours. OK, I'm putting us on 'George'. Pass me one of 'Klinky's see-gars, will ya and one for Bobby too. Thanks." said Xyla, checking the weather on her PDO unit.

"Hawkeye! Not in here, man! No privacy. Can't you wait until we land?" complained the statuesque blonde '1st Lt Anna Dish' when 'Captain BF Pierce' started unzipping her flightsuit. 'Captain BJ Hunnicutt' was reading a medical vidfile on his PDO unit while 'Major Frank Burns' and 'Major Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan' were snuggling up to each other under a blanket.

'1st Lt 'Radar' O'Reilly' was currying 'Sophie' while 'Brigadier S T Potter' was feeding his horse some sugar cubes. 'Schultzy' was finishing off the last of the chocolate eclairs and washing it down with a bottle of 'Minervan Beer'. 'Brigadier Wilhelm Klink' and 'Marshall Albert Burkhalter' were playing a game of chess. The rest of the MASH and Stalag crews were engaged in a lively poker game. Seven days behind them the 'Beast World' continued its long voyage to Mars.

Bringing up the convoy's rear, 'Starcrusher II', commanded by 'Subaltern (jg) Kiva Nerese' of 'Starfleet' was chugging along quietly having just exited the 'Arch' and had turned towards Mars. 'Admiral Zachary Taylor Zero' was busy in the 'star room' pointing out the sights to the 'Vampires' and the 'Fae' Folk. Alucard was bored as usual and was trying to concentrate on his poker hand while his 'Police Girl', 'Colonel Seras Victoria' kept 'helping' him. So far her 'help' had lowered her Master's stack of chips considerably while Walter and 'Major Sir Winifred Integra van Helsing' were cleaning up.

Kiva lit another cheroot and sipped her herbal tea. The commander did not approve of gambling, but 'Zach Zero' outranked her and he had given his OK already. She sighed and stared at the fast approaching 'red planet' and mused to herself. Would she ever get back her 'Coriander' command or was she fated to remain 'on permanet loan' to the 3WA?

'Starfleet Command's 'Dragon Lady' ('Grand Supreme Admiral Kathryn Janeway'- former commander of the 'Voyager') had been more than happy to 'lend' poor Kiva to the 3WA for an indeterminate period. True, she was engaged to 'Colonel Jonathan Harlock's nephew, 'Captain (jg) James Tiberius Prescott' and true, he was currently assigned to patrol the 'Neutral Zone' until summer when they would be wedded in a double ceremony with 'Brigadier Hogan' and 'Captain Xyla Phone', but still-

"Suba? Ma'am? We're at the outer markers of Mars. You, uh, asked me to remind you when we got here, ma'am." said '1st Lt Edward Appledore' (Ed's father was now a 3WA officer and Kiva's exec. He was also her pilot for this run).

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, very good, Ed. We're still on course I take it?" replied Kiva. He nodded and she told him to remind her when they got to the inner markers.

"I'll be in my ready room. Send 'Yeoman Rand' in with a cup of tea and a biscuit or two. Oh and don't forget the marmalade this time. The comm is yours, Ed." she added and headed across the hall to her 'office'.

"Sir! A vidmessage just came in from 'Kagura Tower'. They have spotted the Beast thingamajig, sir." reported 'Ensign Arlene Jenkins' who was 'Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner's temporary aide-de-camp while 'Mrs Fiona MacCrimmon' was off somewhere arranging for donations to some 'Save the Children' foundation for a monthlet.

"Careful there, Arlene. No need to run. Let's have that vidmessage. (She handed it to her boss and stood at attention) Oh, for Kami's sake already- at ease! Arlene, didn't Mrs Mac tell you that you needn't wear your uniform while you're working here? Oh, never mind. Lessee here. Hmmn. 'Beast World' is a few thousand 'lightys' from 'Kagura' ('Kagura' was Mars's sister planet being a mere 500K kilometres from the red planet. 'Shimougou' formed the Southern point of this triangle of worlds in the 'Aquarian Galaxy' and was a few hundred 'lightys' from both worlds) and will be here soon unless they can stop it on Mars.

"Damned shame that idiot 'destruction god' (Lord Beerus) and his flunkie (Whis) are takin' a catnap. I don't wanna let the Hellcat (O'Halloran) loose with the 'God Gun' again if I can help it, man. Arlene, see if you can raise the Boss Lady on the horn. Better scramble the signal. Now, girl! This is bloody important and wear something warmer tomorrow. You'll catch your death in that micro-miniskirt. And stop salutin' already! Uh- vidphone?" ordered her superior who was on his third bottle of 'Galusol' and his second bottle of 'Windsor Canadian' whiskey as well as his fourth pack of 'Gallery Golds'.

"Nobody told me that 'Uncle Chuckie's not a dress code freak like 'Andy Gooley' on 'Alderaan'. Hullo? Yeah, it's Arlene. My boss wants to talk to the Boss Lady- stat. Huh? By now, she should be almost to Mars. Of course that's in range, stupid! Sorry. Just got a vidmessage from 'Kag'. They've spotted the Beast thingy. Whadda ya mean she ain't takin' any signals? I know she's a big cheesecake, 'Wendy' ('Warrant Three Wendy Darling' was the vidphone operator at 3WA HQ East and a good friend of Arlene's), but she's gotta take this call. Get her back already, man. OK, got it. Thanks. That you, Marshall? Please hold for Mr Garner. Sir? She's on Line Three and it's scrambled. Yes, sir." said Arlene, slipping off her boots and loosening her tie.

"Hullo, Deirdre. Pleasant trip? I see. Inside the inner markers and due to make planetfall at 1800 hours (6 PM) huh? NO! I do NOT, repeat, NOT want you to use the 'God Gun' on that rogue planet! Why? It'll create a black hole and swallow a dozen galaxies, that's why! Is 'Q' aboard? No? Then see if you can find him. Maybe his 'Q Continuum' can deflect it into 'X Space'.

"Under no circumstances are you to fire on the 'Beast World'. Understand? Kapish? Verstehen sie sich? Good! You evaced 'Vic' OK? Great. No, I just heard from Kome. She's managed to evac 'Gallifrey' OK. Find 'Q' and then comm relay me back. And, Deirdre?

"I don't wanna have to bail any of your lot outta the pokey again. So don't rile the 'ISSP'. Keep a low profile on Mars. Garner out." Garner sighed and hung up. Then he swallowed three 'Hydroxylein' tablets and washed them down with a swig of 'Galusol' before pouring himself another whiskey and lighting up another 'Gallery Gold' smoke. The Boss Lady would drive the Pope to break the Commandments!

"I believe you were asking for me, Charles?" Garner almost fell off his chair when 'Q' suddenly materialized on his huge conference table.

"Yes, I did. Get yourself over to Mars and meet Deirdre when she makes planetfall at 1800 hours. Then work out some plan to have your 'Continuum' guys draw that damned 'Beast Planet' into 'X Space' before it eats any more worlds." said Garner.

"Then I take it we won't be using the 'God Gun' again, old friend?" chortled 'Q' and Garner shot him a withering look.

"OK. Catch ya later, old man. Bye bye." chuckled 'Q' and he was gone.

"I say. When's the 'Lovely Angel 2' due to touch down, my dear?" asked 'Q' of a flustered flight supervisor at the 'Moravian City Tower' on Mars.

"Six fifteen, sir. You have friends aboard her or family?" asked 'Warrant Four (jg) Flora Eddington' crisply. 'Q' smiled and sauntered off to wait for the Boss's ship to come into the spaceport.

"Naughty, naughty! Such language from such a pretty young thing." he mused aloud while reading Flora's mind.

Suddenly, the chromo chimed 1800 hours and the sky above the spaceport darkened.

"Ah, she's a mite early. Should I materialize aboard or wait for her here? Best not to upset the poor kid. Unh unh. That thing's less than a solar week away from here. 'Q' calling 'Continuum'. That you, 'Laertes'? Get hold of that old fool at 'Logopolis' and have him calculate an opening to 'X Space'. When? The sooner, the better. 'Mind send' me back when you have an exact time. Anytime in six and a half solar days, but not too much later. Dunno if I can hold the damned thing stable for too long, pal. Hello there, Cutie. Care to come up and see my etchings?" chortled the devilish 'Q'.

CRACK!

"Fresh! I happen to be a happily married woman, 'Mr Q', sir!" snarled 'Naomi Foxgrove'.

She was the first of her 'robotic android' kind to give birth to a human child. Naomi was on Mars for a very belated trip home to see 'Allen Foxgrove' and her nine year old daughter, 'Felicia Anne'. After slapping 'Q's face, she hefted her trunk onto her shoulders and ran off to meet her family for some much delayed R&R.

"I must be getting old. I didn't recognize that 'Cyborg' woman. Aha! Here comes the firebrand I have to see. Hullo there, 'Eleanor Parkstone' (Kei's cover name. She was a fashion buyer for some non-existent department store chain). Long time, no see, Senorita! (He lowered his voice to a whisper) Where can we talk? Garner sent me." said 'Q' and Kei pointed towards downtown 'Moravian City'.

"I'll meet ya at 'Zale's Pub' in an hour. I know it's a dive, but I'm banned from the swankier places on Mars. And try to blend in, 'Q'. Oh yeah and keep the Beast thing on the QT. We don't wanna start a panic, do we? See ya at seven, 1900 hours. (She raised her voice and cooed at him) Why, Cousin Alfred! Fancy meeting you here on Mars. How's Viola and the little darlings?" she added, steering him towards a 'holotaxicab' stand where a waiting cabbie grabbed her luggage and stowed it away in the boot. She pecked 'Q' on his cheek and then shielded him from the passers-by while he dematerialized.

She hopped aboard and gave an address a block or so from the 'ISSP' building. As soon as the holocabbie had driven off with her luggage and instructions to deliver it to 'Hotel Spelendide' for 'Ms Eleanor Parkstone', Kei hurried the few blocks to the 'ISSP' building.

She ducked into an alley and 'morphed' into a respectable black business pantsuit and Fedora hat. She now carried a black attache case and she was wearing dark glasses to hide her emerald orbs from sight. Too many people on Mars knew the Hellcat and she was under Garner's orders not to start any trouble while she was here. However, the best laid plans and so forth.

"Hi, Kei! What kept ya, man?" yelled 'Vice Marshall Yuri Donovan' who was wearing a daring grey-skirted business suit and a big floppy hat.

"Kee-Rist! Charlie didn't say the Dingbat was gonna be here. What's she all dolled up for? Easter? Hi, kiddo. Keep yer big yap shut, will ya? I ain't supposed to be here and neither are you, Airhead! We're 'persona non gratis' here on Mars. Remember? Where are your kids, 'Snow White'?" growled the Boss, sliding into the booth opposite her old chum.

'Jerry Lewis' took them and the 'Spy Girls' ('Samantha, Clover and Alexandra') to the movies and then to an amusement park. I needed a rest, man. (She signaled a passing waiter 'droid) White Zinfandel, please and a 'boilermaker' for my, uh, friend here. Now, why are you here, 'Eleanor'?" asked Yuri.

"Well 'Yolanda' (Yuri's cover name was 'Yolanda Packard'. Her cover job was an accountant for the same fictional store chain for which Kei was a fashion buyer), in case you haven't read the vidmessages we've been sending ya, there's a huge rogue planet 'Beast World' headed this way and it's our job to get rid of it. Crap! I wish Mars allowed imports of decent booze! This stuff tastes like 'Sophie's droppings! Anyway, I'm meetin' 'Q' at 'Zale's at 1900- seven o'clock.

"You'd better be there too and wear something discreet for Kami's sake. Hush. We don't wanna start a panic. I'm at the 'Splendide'. Just tell the desk clerk that you're my sister. Use your 'Yolanda' alias. Wait for me there and I'll be up as soon as I see an old friend at the 'ISSP'. Then we can both go to 'Zale's to meet 'Q'. OK? (Yuri nodded) Fine. See ya in a few, kid." said Kei, picking up the vidcheque and swiping it through her vidwallet, adding a generous tip. After all, the 3WA was paying.

"I wanna see 'Commander John Donnelly' (Kei flashed her red/white/blue/green 3WA vidcard with five gold stars stamped on it under the poor girl 'ISSP' officer at the main desk on the 60th level of the building) and keep it quiet. I'm undercover. Yes, I am that O'Halloran. I don't wanna be on Mars any more than you guys want me here, but I'm under orders and the 3WA is the 'ISSP's superiors so point me to Johnny's office already." growled Kei and the flustered corporal pointed down the corridor.

"Take the lift to 65 level and go to Suite 6501. The Commander's at dinner now, but you can wait for him, mum." said 'Corporal Dana Kookston', raising her fist towards her chest.

"Fer Krissakes, kid! Don't salute me! Ye'll have the whole force in here! My visit's on the QT. When's Johnny due back from din din?" asked Kei, glancing at her wristchromo which said she had 40 minutes left until her meeting with 'Q'.

"About ten more minutes, mum. He's got a ton of reports to get out before midnight. Nice meeting you, Mar- mum." replied Dana. Then she went back to shooting the bad guys on her vidgame. Don't the 'ISSP' have really dedicated cops on their force?

"Hullo, Johnny. How ya been?" said Kei, rising to her feet and offering a gloved hand to the grizzled old man in a friumpy threadbare blue suit.

"No! It cannot be! You? Here? What have I done this time?" whined 'Commander John Donnelly'.

"Didn't Uncle Chuckie Garner send ya a signal? Didn't ya read it, man? OK, this is on the QT and if it gets out, the 'ISSP' is gonna have a panic on its hands. There's a huge rogue planet we've named the 'Beast World' heading this way. It devours and consumes anything in its path and that includes worlds, moons, atolls, asteroids, meteors, whatever it comes across. It's been tracked to 'Kagura', but its target seems to be 'Shimougou'. However, it must first pass through Mars so-" explained Kei quietly- a sure sign of coming disaster when 'She' gets quiet!

"Pardon me, Marshall, but did you say 'through' as in destruction of Mars? (Kei nodded) Damnation! John (Raven) isn't back from 'Aragorn 7' yet. Uh, what are you doing here anyway?" asked Donnelly suspiciously.

"Huh? Why, we're here to stop it, of course. No, don't worry. I've been forbidden to use the 'God Gun' on it." said the redhead.

"Thank Christ for that!" breathed Donnelly, hauling out a bottle of 'Lord Kalverson' bourbon and swallowing some right from the bottle before he poured some for the Boss and himself and sitting down behind his desk.

"How?" he asked and she grinned at the grizzled old warhorse.

"Easy. 'Q's 'Continuum's gonna open a portal into 'X Space' and we'll sorta 'nudge it' through. Then they'll reseal the opening. There is absolutely no danger- unless-" she explained.

"Unless what, Deirdre?" he demanded, topping off their drinks again.

"Unless that old fool on 'Logopolis' miscalculates the portal site. Then we could have problems- big time, me old boyo. This is damned good stuff, man. Not the usual rot-gut slop ya serve me." said Kei.

"Thanks. I got a case of this stuff for Kurisumasu (Christmas) from 'Dan Dastun' ('Kaguran Air & Space Control's head honcho) so I only bring it out for special occasions. I'm sending a couple of bottles to Hogan and Nerese for their upcoming nuptials. OK, how can the 'ISSP' help, mum?" replied Donnelly.

"My crews and passengers need some R&R so I'd really appreciate it if your officers sorta looked the other way for the time we're here. The 'Beast's due here in (She glanced at the wall chromo) a little more than five and a half solar days. Can ya put a leash on your guys until then, Johnny? I promise that my guys and gals be on their best behaviour. Honest." said the Boss.

"How about you and the 'Insane 6' or the 'Unholy 4'? Are they gonna be part of this R&R 'shore leave' too?" he asked.

"Nope. Kome and Mar will stay aboard their own ships and that goes for me and Yuri. I think that 'Keisie' and 'Yuyu' (Kei & Yuri's 22nd Century tro-con counterparts) are already here and we'll need them when the big push comes." said Kei.

"Hmmn. They're both ensconced in 'Hotel Moonstone' uptown and we haven't heard a peep outta 'em in the four monthlets they've been here so I think it's best that they continue to keep a low profile. Now, how many vessels came with ya?" asked Donnelly.

"Kome's got a fleet of eighteen not counting her own flagship. Mar's got another twenty and the 'LA5'. My brood amounts to forty plus the 'LA2'- my own flagship. I think that about covers everyone. Each ship'll keep a skeleton crew aboard and the 'Unholy 4' (Kei, Yuri, Kome Sawaguchi and Marlene Angel. For the 'Insane 6' just add 'Keisie' and 'Yuyu') will be stayin' aboard their own vessels. OK?" asked the Boss sweetly. John Donnelly was flabbergasted.

"I meant how many souls in all will be on 'shore leave', Deirdre?" he demanded.

"No more'n a few hundred I'd say. Why? Ya know that all ya usually get are barroom brawls and a few fist fights from us. And any damages will be paid for by the 3WA. I told ya that I won't be on the surface more than the rest of today. Then I'll be aboard my flagship and Yuri, Mar and Kome will be aboard theirs. Johnny? You have my word, my solemn 'Galactic Oath'- no trouble." said Kei O'Halloran and he nodded.

"OK. Ya may be a born troublemaker, but ya have never lied to me. I'll pass the word to leave your folks alone unless things really get way outta hand. That suit ya, Deirdre?" acquiesced the old veteran cop.

"To a 'T'. Thanks, John. I owe ya one." she replied.

"A damned big one, kiddo." he added and poured more whiskey for them. Kei lit their cheroots and smiled at him.

"Just a week, mind. And please tell that damned white dog of yours to stop insulting our womenfolk. The last time he was here he had my sister-in-law in tears. Told her that her new hat made her look like something the cat dragged in after it had defacated all over it!" grumbled John.

"No weddin' bells fer you yet, boyo?" she asked and he shot her a withering glance.

"Get the Hell outta here, Boss and remember your promise. You might ask 'Corporal Kookston' that I'd like to see her on your way out." said John. "Sure thing. If she was my 'yeoperson', she'd have silver and white bars on her shoulders. She deserves to be at least a 'Warrant Four', John. Toodles." she said and strolled through his portals.

"Promotions take a little longer with the 'ISSP', Marshall. This ain't the 3WA ya know?" yelled John and then he sighed and went back to his reports.

"Donnelly wants ya, kid. Uh, if ya ever get sick o' this 'Mickey Mouse' outfit, come see me at the 3WA and I guarantee ya that you'll make 'Ensign' in a week. Promotions come faster with us than they do with the 'ISSP', kiddo. Nice meetin' ya. Bye." said the Boss, heading for the lifts and her hotel.

While the Boss was trying to quietly slip in the back way to her hotel on 'Godolphin Street', she suddenly heard footsteps behind her.

"Do not turn around, Madam. Please raise your hands above your pretty red head. I mean you no harm." said a quiet male voice from the shadows.

Of course, Kei never obeyed orders. Not from her superiors so she sure as Hell wasn't about to start taking orders from a complete stranger.

She spun around fast, deftly drawing her Mark XIII ion cannon in one fluid motion. The newcomer was amazed! 'Chrollo Lucifer', the leader of the 'Phantom Troupe' of thieves, robbers and cold-blooded killer 'Hunters' was used to being obeyed instantly. He was also used to women being terrified of himself.

The tall lithe gentleman with the sign of the crucifix branded into his high forehead snapped his fingers and a ball of green flame was suddenly dancing on the bare palm of his hand. Kei reacted in a blur, firing at the wall behind him which disintegrated into dust.

However, the flame which she was sure she'd hit along the path of her ion bolt, was still blazing brightly and an angry 'Chrollo' threw it at the tall redhead's face. Kei merely moved her head to avoid the blast and her emerald eyes blazed dangerously.

"I dunno who the FXXX you are, man, but consider yerself under arrest in the name o' the 3WA. Try that again and I'll cut ya in half, boyo. Now- you reach fer the aether, sonny Jim and that's an order, dammit." she fumed, only making the villainous 'Hunter' more and more angry.

"That's enough, bitch! I will soon teach you what happens to anyone who defies the leader of the 'Phantom Troupe' and turns his employees into the law, Madam." he cried, pointing his 'sword cane' at Kei's throat.

Suddenly, he thrust forward and the incensed Imperial Supreme Marshall snapped the blade with her gloved right hand. While 'Chrollo' was still staring at his broken weapon- KLUNK!

Kei's reversed Mark XIII found its mark behind his left ear and he collapsed like a pole-axed 'Egerian steerasaurus' into Kei O'Halloran's arms. Her weapon still gripped in her right fist, Kei effortlessly hoisted the unconscious 'Hunter' across her shoulders and carried him inside her hotel's back hallway. A short lift trip to her suite on Level 1417 later, she unceremoniously dumped her newfound 'friend' onto one of the divans in her sitting room.

"OK. Be very careful, my friend. I have you covered, sir. What the devil are you doing in here?" yelped a cute violet-maned minx vixen who was shakily aiming a tiny (But still deadly!) Mark III miniblaster at Kei's back.

"Put that thing away afore I make ya eat the damned thing, Airhead. Make yerself useful. Truss up this tom turkey fer me, willya? Then get Donnelly on the horn fer me. Now Yuri, not next Tuesday, man!" growled the Boss Lady sulkily. She hadn't had a drink in at least fifteen solar minutes!

Yuri sighed and slipped her Mark III into her robe pocket. Swiftly she 'force beam' cuffed and shackled the poor sap on Kei's sofa. She didn't bother gagging the fool. The suite was sound-proofed. Yuri wondered what had possessed the Featherbrain to go out and start collecting derelicts off the streets of 'Moravian City', but she didn't dare ask her.

She hurriedly vidphoned 'ISSP' HQ and asked for 'Mr Donnelly, please'. She listened a second before tossing the receiver to Kei. The Boss took a long pull from her 'Irish java royale' and barked questions at poor Donnelly like a Mark XLI long range ion cannon!

"I asked ya if ya picked up any goofy characters who're part of some tom fool 'Phantom Troupe', John. No? OK. Why do I ask? I was just accosted by their leader. Relax. He's coolin' his heels on my couch. How's about sendin' a few o' yer trained doggies over here to pick him up? Yuri and me gotta meet somebody in a few minutes. Huh?

"I don't want this guy scarin' the bejesus outta the chambermaid or the bellhops. Have 'em stop at the desk and ID themselves. I'll leave word it's OK fer 'em to come up and take out the trash, boyo. Gotta go now, but I owe ya one. OK! Yet another big one, man. See ya, John."

Kei was already 'morphing' into her 'punk rocker circa Terran 20th Century' outfit while Yuri had vanished into her bedroom to change into suitable attire to meet 'Q' at the 'night club'.

'Corporal Kookston' and 'Sergeant McShayne' arrived at the 'Hotel Splendide' and ID'd themselves to the desk clerk. Both the girl and the older veteran guy 'ISSP' officers were in 'civvies'.

"We're here to pick up 'something' from 'Ms Eleanor Parkstone's suite on 1417. Did she leave us a note, ma'am?" asked 'McShayne' who looked a lot like 'McGruff, the Crime Dog' from ancient 20th Century Terran TV commercials. 'Ava Val Jean' handed him a crumbled vidnote and went back to watching Terran soaps on her vidTV. 'Dana Kookston' thanked her and Ava waved a hand in dismissal.

"Good Kami! Now she delivers 'em to us already packaged for shipment, kid." chuckled 'Mike McShayne' hefting the still unconscious 'Hunter' to his shoulders for a lift ride to the roof. Meanwhile, he'd sent 'Dana' to fly their prowl aircar to the roof. HQ was only a few blocks away and they were soon booking a bewildered 'Hunter' leader.

"Whereabouts in 'Grover Town' am I? I demand to know, dammit!" he howled angrily while he was being 'scan coded' by an efficient 'Corporal (jg) Kookston' and an amused grizzled elderly gent in a threadbare blue suit looked on. 'Mike McShayne' had drawn the short straw so he had the vidpaperwork to do.

"Name?" barked the sergeant in a bored tone of voice.

This was their 15th collar today. Full moons always brought out the lunatics.

"Sir, you are addressing 'His Grace, Thane Chrollo Lucifer', 'Hunter Extraordinaire' and leader of the 'Phantom Troupe'. If my hands were not fettered by these ridiculous 'beam cuffs', I would show you my 'Hunter License'. I have diplomatic immunity you know?" snarled the tall pain-in-the-neck who looked like he'd escaped from either a Warlocks' Coven or some religious cult. At a sign from Donnelly, 'Dana' pointed her PDO unit at his wrists and ankles and the 'beams' vanished.

He leaped to his feet, saluted (The old-fashioned way) them all and flourished his green 'Hunter License' which he was sure would give him special treatment. It didn't! Far from it.

"Siddown and shut up, mister. What's yer address, pal?" demanded 'Mike', his pudgy fingers poised above his PDO unit's keypad.

"That's MY business, sir. I need only give you my name, 'Hunter' ranking which is 'Nen Conjuror One A' and my 'Hunter License' number which is 'XXL417889'. Now if someone could drive me to a good hotel, I have already wasted enough of my valuable time here amongst you damned fools!" he snapped and spun towards the exit before 'Dana' slammed him against the wall and jabbed his ribs with her service blaster.

"Watch your mouth, sir. There are ladies present." she barked while Donnelly began to guffaw.

"Son, you are quite an entertainer. However, you did assault an intergalactic 'trouble consultant', a police officer and boyo, you picked the wrong 'un to git pissed off at ya. O'Halloran's the big cheese at the 3WA and that lady takes bull from nobody, least of all a- what the Sam Hill'd ya call yerself, son?" growled Donnelly.

"I am a 'Hunter', sir! A 'Hunter Extraordinaire' and quite an important person here on 'Zaggat', sir." fumed 'Chrollo Lucifer'.

"And this is Mars, pal. So keep a civil tongue in yer head if ya know what's good fer ya, man." snapped a svelte blonde in a black and wine uniform. 'Lily' was looking all over town for the Boss.

"Another planet? Impossible! Space travel is neither feasible nor possible, Madam!" yelled 'Chrollo' and John had had enough.

"Lock him up, 'Kookston'. Now!" he shouted.

"Need any help with him, kiddo?" called 'Mike McShayne', but 'Dana' merely shook her head and frog-marched her prize towards the lift and the 'Tombs' far beneath the building.

"I have been bested by a female? Nay! Two females! Oh, the ignominy of it all! The shame!" moaned the tall 'Hunter'.

"Do you ever shut up, man? Give it a rest already. I gotta admit though- you got guts, pal. To try and mug the highest rankin' officer in the 3WA- behind her own hotel yet! In here, sir." said a bored 'Dana Kookston' and he dutifully walked into his 'cell'.

"No bars? Am I on my honour not to escape, Honeybun?" he chortled.

Smiling at him, 'Dana' tossed a piece of 'Kelvinite' at the empty space where a door or portal would have been and it disintegrated into dust same as the building wall had in the alley when Kei had fired at him.

"Any more questions, 'Mr Lucifer', sir? Dinner will be served at 1700 hours, 5 o'clock PM. Ya just missed lunch. However, I can maybe scare up some burgers and a shake if ye're hungry." explained the short officer.

"Thank you, but I have already had luncheon, 'Madam Kookston', my dear child." he replied silkily.

"OK. Just remember to stay behind that yellow line on the floor if ya don't wanna be fricaseed, sir. I'll be back at five. Sayonara." said 'Dana' and she left him alone deep below the surface of Mars.

Where the Dickens were his 'Phantom Troupe' and how the Hell'd he wind up on Mars? 'Chrollo' began to reason out things logically and his first task was to escape.

Calling 'Zale's place a 'night club' was really stretching the truth by a kilometre. The dive consisted of a long dark teakwood bar, a few booths set against the far wall and three small tables squeezed in amongst the pool tables, vidcell kiosks and the vidgame arcades. 'Q' signalled the 'rock star' and the 'prim and proper lady' (Kei and Yuri) as soon as he spotted them. He had a booth in a remote dark corner well away from the hubbub, the bar and the kitchens.

"I was just about to give up on you two. Did ya hear that the 'ISSP's got some weird-o locked up in the 'Tombs'? Claims he's a 'Hunter'- of all things." chortled 'Q' who was dressed like 'Elvis Presley' and had materialized a candlelabra a la 'Lee Liberace' on their booth's table.

"Nothin' like blendin' in, man." whispered Kei, crushing a cigarette under her boot and firing up another one.

"Why did you choose this place, Featherbrain? It's creepy." whispered Yuri and Kei pointed her lit cigarette tip at 'Q'.

"Ask 'His Nibs' there, Vacuumhead. I suggested my hotel suite." growled the redhead whose hair was now mixed with green, purple, lilac and yellow highlights. Then Yuri remembered something and checked her PDO unit.

"Hey! I thought that 'Hunter' thing was familiar. Didn't that dude have a cross or a crucifix burned into his head? (Kei nodded absently) Yeah. Here he is. 'Thane Chrollo Lucifer', villainous leader of the 'Phantom Troupe' gang. Real bad guys and gals, man. Yup. It's all here in tonight's vidTV episode of 'Hunter x Hunter' anime show.

"Guess the holodecks are acting up again. I was playing 'Hunter' on their 'Zaggat' world and- oopsy. I musta left the program running after I left the ship, Kei. I had just 'called up' this guy 'Lucifer' when the word came to vacate the ship. Lucky I hadn't 'called up' his 'Phantom Troupe' gang of ne'er-do-wells, huh?" giggled Yuri.

'Q's fist crashed onto the table.

"That's why the old fool's 'Logopolis' calculations ain't talleying up right! There's a new fictional character here in our space that I didn't know was here." muttered 'Q'.

"So? Just tell the old bubblehead that 'CL's here and-" began Kei.

"It ain't that simple, dear heart. He has to go back inside the holodeck programs. Just call Johnny at 'ISSP' HQ and have him released. I'll take it from there." instructed 'Q' while Kei and Yuri stared at each other like 'Q' had lobsters comin' outta his ears.

"Tell Donnelly to let a dangerous self-confessed lunatic criminal loose on the populace? Kei'd lose her pips fer sure." howled Yuri and heads turned towards the trio.

"Yeah and guess who wouldn't be a Vice Marshall no more, Airhead? Bottom line is if we want him back, we gotta bust him outta them 'Tombs', guys. Relax. I have a plan. Don't fergit that we got good old 'MacGyver', the 'Saint', 'Holmes', 'Pons' and 'Moriarity' on our vidpayroll. If that fails, we got 'Bobby Speedwagon', the white pooch (Mr Peabody) and 'Harry Wells' (The sci fi author HG Wells) waitin' in the wings if we get stuck, man." said the 'rocker'.

"After we send him back, will those calculations be OK?" asked Yuri, sipping her third white Zinfandel. Kei signalled for more booze while 'Q' yawned, nodded his head and disappeared. Both girls were used to him, but not so the barkeep who wasn't gonna be stuck with that booth's bill!

"Pay up, Missy! Where's the weird guy?" yelped the short 'Ferengi' barkeep/owner.

"He went to the bathroom, sir." replied a helpful Yuri.

"What's the damages, 'Zale'? Yeah, I know I ain't supposed to be here, but this is business and Donnelly knows I'm here. Here. Keep the change. (Kei tapped his vidbill and gave him a very generous tip which made his greedy eyes light up) This dump got a back portal? ('Zale' pointed and withdrew) C'mon. Finish that soda pop water and follow me. Soon as we get home, put on something sensible, Airhead." whispered Kei and she sauntered towards the back hallway where they soon found an unlocked portal into a back alley.

Yuri wanted to hail a 'holotaxicab', but Kei steered her towards the street beyond and led the protesting girl (Yuri was wearing stiletto heels) up hill and down dale back to the 'Hotel Splendide's back entrance. Her suite's code key opened the portal and they rode the service lift up to 1417 where Kei's code key again admitted them. Kei was already using her vidphone.

"Hullo? That you, Gina? It's me. Yeah. Listen up. Find 'MacGyver', the 'Saint', Pat Holm, Pete Thornton, Sherlock, Solar, Parker, Watson, the Professor, 'Bobby Speedwagon', 'Jojo Joestar', Peabody and Harry Wells. Got all them names OK? Good. Send 'em to the 'Hotel Moonstone' on 'Jackal Boulevard' and have 'em ask at the desk fer 'Karen Rogers' and 'Carol Saunders', that's 'Keisie' and 'Yuyu's cover names. We'll be waitin' fer 'em there. Oh, you'd better find 'Q' as well and come along yerself. Oh yeah- no uniforms. Yeah, it's important, damned bloody important. This is on the QT, understand? Good. See ya in an hour. O'Halloran out." growled Kei, hanging up her vidphone and dashing into her bedroom to change.

"You want us to do what? No way, man! That's gotta be against the law- even on Mars!" yelled 'Pat Holm' when Kei and 'Q' had informed the others in 'Keisie' and 'Yuyu's hotel suite that they needed a plan to break 'Chrollo Lucifer' outta his 'ISSP Tombs' prison cell.

"From what Simon's been telling us, breaking the law is old hat to you, Patty." chuckled 'Pete Thornton'. 'MacGyver' buried his head in his hands so that Pat wouldn't see his smirk.

'Watson' and 'Parker' agreed with Pat. 'Holmes', 'Pons' and the 'Professor' were excited as was the 'Saint' and 'Bobby Speedwagon'.

'Jojo' and his ghostly 'Mother' were adamant that they should not antagonize the local police forces. 'Q' sighed and stirred his 'cafe latte'.

"Let me put it to you in this manner, children. Do you like this Universe? Do you want a chance to someday return to your own world and time eras? Well, if this 'Beast World' remains in this 'spacial corridor' much longer, it will consume all of the Universes and along with them, all of the worlds, planets, moons, atolls, stars, novas, black holes and asteroids and the creatures inhabiting them as well. If I were you, I'd figure out how to do what 'Her Nibs' and I have told you must be done- and fast. Any more cream puffs, please?" explained 'Q' and his tone was, for once, not flippant, but deadly serious.

"OK. The way you've explained it to us, the only thing confining him to these 'Tombs' is some kind of laser beam light ray 'force beam field', correct?" asked 'MacGyver', shushing Pete's praises and Mac's 'nine lives' palaver with a steely glance.

"Ahem. I know this may sound silly, but why don't we simply turn off the damned field?" suggested the white pooch, Mr Peabody.

"Surely there is a field generator somewhere in the building?" added 'Bob Speedwagon'.

"I know! Let's have good old 'Shen the Dragon thingy' put 'Mr Lucifer' back into this 'holly deck' program thingy and then just destroy the software. He owes us a few wishes, don't he, man?" asked Pat Holm.

"Because it is beyond his powers, 'Miss Holm'. As to a 'shield generator' inside 'ISSP' HQ-" explained Yuri.

"That generator's tied in with the main grid for 'Moravian City'. Knock it out and we knock out 90% of the power on Mars. I'm in enough trouble with the 'ISSP' now. I don't need more problems, man." added Kei.

"How about we destroy the beam with this 'God Gun', guys?" siggested 'Jojo Joestar' innocently and most of the room's inhabitants were in deep shock.

"No, my boy. On its lowest setting, that thing could vapourize a small Moon." said 'Sherlock Holmes', puffing on his pipe.

"No telling what sort of damages we'd cause to the solar systems if we tried that, young sir." agreed 'Solar Pons', steepling his fingers and closing his eyes to think. 'John Watson' and 'Lyndon Parker' were quite used to their companions' moods.

"What if we turned off just the 'Tombs's power sources? We'd need to only cut the juice to his cell's beam for a few seconds. Then we simply spirit him out of the building. Hey! What's so damned funny, 'Yuyu'?" asked 'MacGyer'.

"Sure. That'll work out OK, sir. However, these 'Tombs' are almost ten kilometres (8 miles or so) beneath the surface and the only exits are the lifts and stairwell gantryways. No matter how we do it, we have to enter and exit the 'Tombs' through 'ISSP' HQ. Somehow I don't see-" said 'Keisie' when 'Yuyu' snapped her fingers.

"That's it! See! What if the cops couldn't 'see' us or 'Mr L' at all?" she said and we were all confused!

"She means using the 'chameleon invisibility cloaks', my friends. The same way we managed to rescue 'Mrs Joestar' from the 'Pillarmen' and 'Young Khan' back on 'Victorine'." explained Piccolo. The huge green Namekian had been sitting in a corner by the fireplace. He'd been visiting 'Keise' and 'Yuyu' before the others had arrived and everyone had forgotten all about his presence.

"That would be capital! Let's go!" growled 'Professor James Moriarity', rising to his feet.

"Sit down, Prof. Have ya forgotten our main problem? Shutting off just the power to this 'Hunter' guy's cell- how do we manage that, Mac?" asked Kei. All eyes turned towards the boy genius from the 'Phoenix Foundation' think tank.

"Yeah. Well, I'll need the schematics of their electrical system for starters. There must be a way to bypass the main junction box and temporarily cut power to this cell. I can 'jury rig' a timer of some sort to switch the cell's power off and back on at a pre-determined time. I've done that a lotta times and it ain't failed me yet."

"No problem. I'll comm relay Garner to send 'em to our PDO units. Just a sec. Hullo? 'Arlene'? O'Halloran here. Have Charlie send the schematics of 'ISSP's 'Moravian City' HQ's power grid system to my PDO unit as soon as he can. Five minutes? Make it three. Oh yeah and Yuri wants Fiona's scones recipe. Send that to her PDO unit.

(Kei waited while 'Arlene' went to tell their 'fearless leader' what Kei needed. She heard the outburst and Garner's 'What's she want that for? Never mind. Don't tell me. Then I won't have to lie to 'Uncle Vito' again.' Finally, 'Arlene told Kei that the plans and recipe were coming across. Kei grunted and hung up her vidphone.)

"OK, Mac. Punch in 'ISSP/MR/MC power grid plans I through VII' and you'll have what ya want. My glass is empty again." growled the redhead and 'Elizabeth'/'Lisa Lisa' Joestar hastened to refill her glass. What? Ya never heard of a 'spirit' waitress.

"Unh huh. Great. Level 61 has a shunt circuit box where I can splice into the main juice. Gimme your wristchromo, Pat. Pete sat on mine. I'll give it back to ya. I'll need it as a timer. Guess we wait until dark, huh?" said 'MacGyver'. Piccolo stood up.

"No time like the present. Besides, no telling when that 'Beast' will get here." he said.

"We just walk in through the front door, take the lift to Level 61 and then bust this guy out and stroll out again?" asked Pat, incredulously. Simon laughed.

"Don't tell me you're scared, Pat. Where's your spunk, girl?" he chuckled.

"OK. Mac, Bob, Piccolo, John, Lyn, Keisie, Simon and me. The rest stay here. Oh, alright! Pat can go along as well, but if she gets in trouble, she's on her own. Keisie, you guys have some 'chameleon cloaks' here, right?" growled the Boss Lady.

"In that cupboard, mum. Better grab one for our 'Hunter' pal too." replied Keisie.

"Best not to put them on until just before we enter the building. I suggest that we use the roof for our entry and exit. The 'parking dock security nets' won't be set this early in the day." said Piccolo.

"We all head for the 'Tombs' as soon as we get inside. Except for Mac and Bob who head for Level 61 and set the timer to cut the 'Tombs' juice in five minutes, leave it off for ninety seconds and then switch it back on again. Since Mac's gonna stay with Bob on 61, Pat had better stay with 'em.

"As soon as the power's back on again, you three will bolt to the roof and get the skysled started. We'll meet ya on the roof as soon as we can get there. Wait ten minutes. Then you go- whether we're there or not. If we get separated, we'll rendezvous back here.

"Pete, you'll maintain comm relay contact with us via our comm badges at all times. Keep the vidradio on and tuned to the 'ISSP' frequency. Give us a heads up if ya hear anything interestin'. Got it? Good. We'll use Keisie's skysled. To the roof."

As always, the Boss's orders were delivered crisply in a no nonsense tone of voice that made it clear who was in command of this sortie.

"Are you sure that you saw our 'Master' disappear into thin air or is that the saki talking again, man?" asked the slight svelte brunette girl dressed entirely in purple. The big guy wearing Samurai armour and sporting a mustache pointed with his katana.

"I swear it, 'Machi'. One minute 'Master Luke' was standin' there lookin' bored like he usually does when he's annoyed and the next second- POOF!- he just wasn't there no more! Gave me the heebie jeebies, kid!" said 'Nobunaga Hazama' excitedly.

'Machi' frowned and tossed away her half-smoked cigarette.

"Sounds fishy to me, 'Nobu' and stop calling me a kid. Hey! Look there, 'Nobu'. The air's all shiny and seems to be wavering somehow. Let's check it out. Put that pig-sticker away before a cop sees it, man. Hide it under your cloak. You know that weapons are illegal in this part of the city. Lead on, MacDuff and damned be he that first cries-" she replied sombrely.

"OK. Stop quotin' 'Shakesarrows' already, man! Follow me, ki-, 'Machi'." said the big guy.

Both of these travelers were 'Hunters' and members of the feared 'Phantom Troupe', a gang of thieves, robbers, assassins and killers second to none in evil and cruelty. They had only just returned from their hideout where they had locked up young 'Gon', 'Killua' and 'Leorio' after capturing the trio of foolish 'Hunters' in the 'Olde City' slums.

Faithful to their unusually strange 'Master', 'Thane Chrollo Lucifer', they had been on their way to rendezvous with him when 'Nobunaga' had claimed to have seen him vanish into thin air! A bored 'Machi' followed the big guy up to a shadowy wall that was almost invisible in the fog from the river.

"He vanished right there beside that there wall, 'Machi'. See?" he said, pointing. 'Machi' squinted, but even her sharp eyesight could see nothing.

"Where? I don't see nothing, man. If you're playing a trick on me, I'll clobber you, 'Nobu'." she replied and 'Nobunaga' shoved the girl into the wall or rather, where the wall wasn't anymore!

Instead, 'Machi' stumbled forwards when the big guy fell against her, propelling her forwards.

"Get off me, you big oaf!" she yelled, shaking him off her back and pushing herself to her knees. Her companion dutifully pulled her to her feet. She leaned back against a wall which she would have sworn had not been there a second ago.

The fog was gone. They both looked back the way they had come and the 'Olde City' was gone. In its place was a huge complex of very tall buildings whose roofs were hidden by clouds. Wherever they were, it was certainly not 'Olde City'. Hell, it didn't even look like 'Zaggat'! There was also no sign of their 'Master Luke'.

"Holocab, madam, sir?" asked a voice beside them.

Turning around, they saw a strange floating car with a metal 'man' at the controls. Controls, but no steering wheel! Atop the vehicle was a flashing green light illuminating the word 'HOLO TAXI'. The 'door' slid aside and the big guy stood aside to allow the girl to get in first before following her inside.

"Please state preferred destination, madam." asked the voice and 'Nobu' growled

"Just drive, pal. That way." growled 'Nobu', pointing the way they'd been walking before arriving in this strange place.

"We are looking for our friend. Tall skinny dude wearing long robes? Had a cross on his forehead?" asked 'Machi' who was the cleverest member of the 'Troupe'.

"Yes. He was with a strange young woman. She carried him into her hotel after I had dropped them off." informed the holo pilot.

"Yeah, that uh, sounds like my 'Uncle Lucas', doesn't it, 'Norton'? Take us to the same hotel." saod 'Machi'.

The craft sped swiftly in and out of dingy streets until he/she/it turned onto a huge throroughfare which was twelve lanes in width.

"Shall I drop you off at the front or the back portals, madam?" asked their craft's pilot.

"Where'd you drop off the young lady and my uncle, sir?" asked 'Machi'.

"Rear portals, madam." he/she/it replied.

"Same place, please." she answered, flipping through her cards and cash. The holocab floated down a dingy alleyway between two very very high buildings and hovered.

"Here we are, madam and sir. Five 'UniCredits' ($15.00) please. Off worlders? Then just make it ten credits or dollars if that is your currency, madam." said their pilot.

"Here's fifty, pal. Keep the change, man. Thanks." she replied and they were soon standing outside a portal marked 'HOTEL SPLENDIDE- GUESTS & STAFF ONLY'.

"Door's locked, 'Machi'. Want me to break it down for ya?" offered 'Nobunaga'.

"Of course not, Stupid. That'd be breaking and entering. It's probably as illegal here as it is on 'Zaggat'. Watch the alley. This'll just take a second." said the girl, gazing steadily at the latch before pointing a forefinger at it.

A blaze of purple light flashed from her fingertip and the portal slid aside. They went in quickly and she began to try and 'sense' 'Master Luke's powerful energy aura.

"No good. He is not here now. His 'aura' is too faint. He was here though. Let's see what the desk clerk knows about our 'Master'." she said and trudged up the dimly lit hallway. 'Nobunaga Hazama' followed meekly in her wake.

"Dunno if he's still here or not. Ditto fer 'Eleanor Parkstone', the woman who brought him up to her suite. The 'Franz Kafka' suite on Level 1417. Lift's back that way. Off worlders, are ya? (The tall man nodded) Just tell the lift program the number. The suite's opposite the lift portals. This guy a friend of yours, Honey?" asked the desk clerk girl.

"Relative, miss. Thanks. C'mon 'Norton'." said 'Machi'.

"Right behind ya, 'Mandy'." growled 'Nobu'.

"Did she say fourteen or seventeen level?" asked 'Machi'.

"Both. She said Level fourteen seventeen, 'Machi'." he answered.

"How many damned levels are there in this place?" she wondered aloud.

"Only twenty-five hundred, madam. What level, please?" asked lift control.

"1417, please." said 'Nobu' and they were whisked upwards and sideways. A few seconds later, the portals parted.

"Level 1417, madam, sir. Have a pleasant stay." said the lift control's 'voice'.

"This must be the place, big guy. 'FRANZ KAFKA SUITE'. (She tapped on the doors) If 'Master's not here, perhaps they know where the woman took him. Act civilized for once and keep that sword hidden." snarled 'Machi'. The portals slid aside and they entered the big sitting room.

'Solar Pons' and 'Sherlock Holmes' were standing at either end of the huge fireplace. 'Pete Thornton' and 'Harry Wells' were seated on a sofa while a white dog in a tweed suit and sporting a monocle in his eye and a pipe in his mouth was pacing back and forth, jabbering nonsense.

Seated in a big easy chair by the fire was 'Professor James Moriarity' while a big stupid looking oaf ('Joseph Joestar') sat on the floor beside him while a 'ghostly woman' hovered over the boy, combing his hair.

Two 'kooky' looking girls, one a redhead and the other a dirty blonde, were serving refreshments to their guests. It reminded 'Machi' of a scene from 'Clue', her favourite board game.

"Wanna drink, kiddo?" asked 'Yuyu' while 'Keisie' offered sandwiches to 'Nobunaga' who was filling his pockets with the goodies.

"Pardon this intrusion, ladies and gentlemen. My brother and I have just arrived and we were supposed to meet our 'Uncle Lucas' at the train station. A kindly cabbie brought us here because he had brought 'Uncle Lucas' and a young woman here to this hotel. A redhead, 'Miss Parkstone' was the name supplied by the desk clerk. By any chance, is our uncle still here?"

'Machi' was very glib at telling convincing falsehoods.

Before anyone could think up a suitable response, 'Yuyu' blurted out:

"The Boss and the others went to bust him outta stir."

"Nice goin', Motormouth! Wanna give 'em directions to the 'ISSP' HQ buildin' too?" seethed 'Keisie' who went to 'rep up' more goodies.

"Have you any identification, madam, sir? The gentleman in question mentioned nothing to us about having a niece or a nephew." asked the 'Professor' gruffly.

'Machi' grinned and yanked out an automatic pistol while 'Nobu' unlimbered his katana.

"Enough games! Where is 'Master Lucifer', dammit? Talk or I'll shoot. Then I'll turn what's left of you over to 'Nobunaga'. Where is he?" she shouted angrily.

Her companion grabbed 'Keisie' and held his blade across her throat. (Bad move!) 'Keisie' back pedaled 'Nobu' into the wall and gave him a roundhouse kick in his solar plexus while 'Sherlock' plucked the gun out of 'Machi's hand.

"Yes, the time for games is over, children. Your turn, madam. Who is this 'Master' of yours and why are you seeking him? It has been a good while since I handled one of these antique weapons, but I think I merely need to pull the trigger. Shall I demonstrate or will you speak, madam?" demanded, of all things, the white dog! 'Colonel Peabody' was indeed a canine, but unlike any other canine in the Universes.

"Our 'Master' fell through a hole in the air and vanished, man. Then we fell through a wall that wasn't there and wound up here, wherever the devil 'here' is, man! A cab brought us to this dump and here we are." explained the big dude.

"Who are you and what is this guy to you?" asked 'Pete Thornton'.

"No harm in telling you, I suppose. He's 'Nobunaga Hazama' and my name's 'Machi Mashita'. We're part of the 'Phantom Triupe' and we're 'Hunters'. 'Thane Chrollo Lucifer' is our leader, our 'Master'." added 'Machi'- quietly for a change.

"Where are you folks from, 'Madam Mashita'?" asked 'Jojo' while his 'Mother' glared menacingly at the brunette girl.

"A world called 'Zaggat'. The city we hail from would mean nothing to you and it's none of your damned business anyway. Your turn. Why is our 'Master' locked up? What has he done?" snapped 'Machi', fire in her golden eyes.

"He attacked a police officer, the highest ranking cop on our force, 'Imperial Supreme Marshall O'Halloran' herself." said 'Keisie'.

(AN: I forgot to mention that Kei later decided to have everyone including 'Keisie' and 'Yuyu' return to the Boss Lady's suite in 'Hotel Splendide' in case anyone came looking for 'Chrollo Lucifer'. Her orders were for any 'visitors' to be detained and held for interrogation, by force if necessary. She had comm relayed these orders via comm badge to 'Sherlock' who had wasted no time in returning to her suite with everyone from the 'Hotel Moonstone'. Of course, if any of her raiding party got separated from the team, the new rallying point was the 'Hotel Splendide' suite. Sorry for the mix-ups).

"That damned portal has re-opened, it seems." observed 'Mr Peabody' and the 'Professor' nodded sagely.

"What the Hell does that mean, 'Gramps'?" demanded 'Machi' who, like 'Nobunaga' was now wearing 'forced beam' cuffs and shackles.

"It means that we cannot send you home. Not yet, in any case. It also means that you may never get back to your own world and time era, 'Madam Mashita'. You and 'Monsieur Hazama' passed through a 'portal' in the time and space 'continuum' in pursuit of 'Monsieur Lucifer' who had preceded you both. I presime that when you looked behind you, the aether (air or atmosphere) was no longer shiny or shimmery?" explained the 'Professor'.

"Ya got that right, man. I even felt the air. There wasn't nothin' there no more, man." replied 'Nobunaga'.

The dog nodded and tapped out his pipe's tobacco dottle all over the carpeted floor. A cleaning 'droid whisked away the mess and quietly vanished.

"Classic case of a portal closing up again. Perhaps when 'Mr Q' opens a portal to 'X Space' for the 'Beast World', he could send you three back home or perhaps he cannot do so." observed 'Mr Peabody', holding his glass aloft and snapping his fingers.

'Mr P' was a male Chauvinist pig as well as a refined aristocratic gentleman. Sherlock's jacket buzzed.

"Yes? Is that you, 'Miss Holm'? I see. Already sprung the chap eh? Fine work indeed. Yes, we have all relocated to 'Miss Parkstone's humble abode. New developments? No. Not unless you count the fact that two friends of 'Mr L's have been looking for the gentleman. We have them safely under lock and key.

"What is your ETA, my dear? An hour? For such a short journey? Aha! Yes, I realized that those two sleds were due for a tune-up soon. My fault entirely. Well if it cannot be helped, so be it. We will expect you by dinnertime. Nice chatting with you, my girl. Goodbye. Holmes out.

"Damned silly way of speaking, what? They will return here in an hour- with their 'package intact'. Too much of this vid-television for the younger generation, I say. Whose turn to make dinner tonight?"

'Sherlock' stopped speaking and smiled at us. 'Solar Pons' raised his hand and, glancing at 'Miss Yuyu', he headed for the kitchenette.

"We're back, guys. Hey 'Saint', ya gotta get 'Mac' to give ya some pointers on how to 'fudge up' alarm systems and play around w/ electrical boxes, man! We were in and outta that place in less than a half hour. I missed all the excitin' stuff though 'cause-" chattered Pat Hom excitedly.

"On accounta me and 'Bobby Speedwagon' got stuck playing babysitter!" complained a sulky 'MacGyver'.

"I agree. Three times I had to yank her hands outta mischief. Glad it's all over now." chortled Bobby.

"What makes ya think it's all over with, 'Speedy'? What d'ya think the 'ISSP's gonna do when they find out this guy's flown the coop, eh? They'll put out a 'dragnet' all over 'Moravian City' and Mars. The sooner we send them back home, the better." growled the redheaded Boss Lady, looking at the 'Phantom' trio.

"Afraid not, my dear. We are stuck with them for a bit. They came through another 'rift'. No, it's closed now. Maybe 'Mr Q' can do something. However-" 'Moriarity' left his thought dangling.

The portals swished open and the 'Green Baron' (Fritz von Dekker was a descendant of the famed Terran WW I aerial ace, the 'Red Barob' himself and 'Fritz' had just been promoted to a Vice-Marshall position in the 3WA) strode in.

"Hullo there, gang. I came as soon as I got der message. Vhere are der prisoners?" he asked, accepting a glass of schnapps from 'Yuyu'. We all looked at each other. Who had called 'Lord von Dekker'?

"Thanks for coming, sir. Since Mars is too hot to hold 'em, I have asked 'Fritzy' to ferry our three charges back to 'Victorine' for safekeeping. Sorry ma'am, but you weren't here and I just thought-" trailed off 'Pete Thornton'. 'Miss O' waved away his apology.

"Glad to know that somebody has kept their wits about 'em, 'Thorny'. They're all yours, Vice-Marshall. You three will go with this guy and behave yerselves. If ya don't, ye'll answer to me, dammit. Got it, kiddies?" growled the Boss.

"What's all this stuff about Mars, man?" demanded 'Nobunaga'.

Both 'Machi' and his 'Master' looked at him like he was an escapee from a mental hospital.

"Where the Hell d'ya think we are, Stupid? We are on Mars, aren't we, 'Master'?" replied 'Machi'.

"Yes, 'Machi'. We are indeed on the red planet itself although how in Heaven we got here I do not know. If we are going to this 'Victorine' place, had we not best be leaving, Vice-Marshall, sir?" answered 'Chrollo Lucifer' who was staring to become bored.

"How far away is this other place, O'Halloran?" demanded 'Machi' angrily.

She was not used to being captured. And for 'Nobunaga' to be bested by a woman was unheard of indeed!

"Nicht dot far, mein freunds. A mere 600 'lightys'." replied the Baron.

"What's a 'lighty'?" demanded 'Machi'.

"A 'light year'- the distance light travels from the Sun to Terra, Earth in a solar year." explained the white dog.

How many years is this trip gonna take, man?" cried the brunette worriedly.

"Three solar days- 72 solar hours." replied the Baron who was impatient to be on his way to avoid the solar storm heading for Mars.

"So soon? Oh, old 'Adonis' must be open again, eh?" said 'Dr John H Watson, MD' who was petting 'Artemis', the huge white and grey cat which had opted to remain in the future when the 'Sailor Moon' scouts were sent home.

"See, John? I told you that the 'Arch' repair work had been finished." scolded the sulky cat. 'Holmes' handed her a 'kitty treat' which the kitty snubbed.

"What? No caviar today, old boy?" she purred.

"The damned cat talks too? Bad enough that stupid dog talks, ain't it?" yelped 'Nobunaga' amazedly.

"I will have you know, sir, that here all animals are gifted with the power of speech. More whiskey. Hop to it, girlie." said 'Mr Peabody' who was logistics, strategies and science officer for the 3WA and held the rank of 'Colonel' to boot!

"How long would the trip have been if this 'Arch' thing was still broken, 'Greenie'." demanded 'Machi' whose lack of manners was starting to show.

"Vas ist das, Liebchen? Ach! Mittout der 'Adonis Arch', a vermhole in space, der trip vould haf taken a whole veek. Enough talk, talk, talk. Let's go. Mein staff aircar ist on der roof- march. I vill comm relay you vhen I arrive, Reds." said the Baron. He led his prisoners to the lift and finally, the roof. When they were all four settled in his staff aircar, Fritz ordered his pilot to lift off.

"How do we get down again?" asked 'Nobunaga'.

"D'ya really wanna know, pal?" asked one of the guards who was accompanying them back to 'Vic'.

"He's right, man. You don't really want to know, my friend." chuckled 'Machi' who was loosening up now that they had found their 'Master' and were not going to be locked up- she hoped.

"What do you mean 'Mr L' did not come off the holodeck?" snapped 'Q' when he arrived on Mars a few hours later.

"Jest what I told ya. He came through a 'rift' and he was followed here by two of his minions." explained the Boss. 'Q's face fell.

"Aw, ya can't be right all the time, 'Q'. Cheer up, man." I said.

(AN: In case you have forgotten, this chapter is being told from 'Joseph Joestar's POV so the 'I' refers to 'Jojo').

"It is not that, madam." he replied testily.

"If those three did not come from your holodeck programs, there is no way to send them back home. When we open an 'anomaly' into 'X Space', I cannot use that opening to send anyone anyplace else or into any other time era whatsoever. Looks like this is going to be their new home, Deirdre. At least for the time being.

"Better get your own 'Dr Q' and the 3WA's 'R&D' department off their duffs. Maybe their 'think tank' can come up with a solution. OK, I got a message from 'Logopolis'. This Friday at 0400 hours (4 AM) they will open a hole to 'X Space', but they can only hold it open for a half hour.

"That should tally with the time when the 'Beast World' will be at Mars's 'outer markers'. That means anything in the radius of a dozen 'lightys' will be pulled in with it. Make damned sure that everyone avoids that area no matter what. That area of space should remain clear from Wednesday through Sunday (This was Monday) to allow for any stray 'power modules' that could attach to vessels and yank 'em into 'X Space' even after 'Logopolis' has sealed the opening.

"You understand how important all of this is, do you not, Deirdre?" 'Q' stopped speaking and awaited questioning. Kei looked grim indeed, but all she said was "Understood."

'Q' dematerialized just as Yuri was returning from a quick shower.

"Doesn't that guy ever knock? Suppose I'd been in here in my skivvies when he showed up? What then?" whined Yuri.

"Maybe I'd sell tickets, Airhead. We got more important stuff to think about than your damned 'Southern Exposure'. Get Garner on the horn and tell him that he's gotta have space cleared at Mars's 'outer markers' for a radius of, say, 25 'lightys' from tomorrow (Tuesday) through next Monday.

"That's where we intend to trap the 'Beast' and send the damned thing into 'X Space'. I sure hope that those lunatics on 'Logopolis' have got their sums right and that the 'Q Continuum' knows what the Hell they're doin', man. Oh, go and put some clothes on, Dingbat. Don't ferget to comm relay 'Uncle Chuckie', OK?" growled Kei who was thinking of finding a nice restaurant for dinner- that she was still allowed to patronize!

Yuri dressed quickly and delivered Kei's orders to 'Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner' before she vidphoned Pat and Simon to invite them to join her for dinner and the opera. She had three tickets to see 'Turandot' and three free dinner passes to 'Appledorn's, a very nice restaurant near the museum which she and Kei had once accidentally blown up.

Pat was delighted, but Simon tried to beg off with sore muscles. However, when Pat suggested a massage from nine feet tall and 857 kilograms 'Jomdath Jegga' for his 'muscle aches', the 'Saint' readily agreed to dinner and a 'show'. Of course, Pat hadn't mentioned that the 'show' was 'opera' which always bored Simon Templar to tears.

Yuri said they'd go in her new 'air speeder' and asked them to meet her on the roof at six since Yuri had reservations for half past six.

Kei was overjoyed when she discovered that 'Miss Eleanor Parkstone' would be more than welcome for dinner at 'Appledorn's and yes, half past six would be fine. Without bothering to change out of her 'second story' outfit of black sweater and pants, Kei sped off in her 'skysled'.

It never entered her mind that the restaurant might have a dress code. Yuri already knew that 'Appledorn's had a very strict dress code of suits and ties for gentlemen and dresses or skirts for ladies, please- no trousers.

"What a nice place. Don't you agree, Simon?" asked Pat who was wearing a lovely grey and puce dinner gown. Simon wore his black worsted suit and his club tie while Yuri's glittering gold lame dress caused heads to turn when they were led to their table by a short 'Jyvorian' hostess.

Their 'table' was a booth in the centre of the dining room. Their booth was back to back with the one reserved for 'Miss Parkstone' and company. The 'company' was Vegeta Brief, Goku Son, Bulma Brief, Chi Chi Son, Krillin Kordavan, Eloise Kordavan and me, 'Jojo'.

This was by far the ritziest place I had ever seen since that nice bistro in Switzerland. I had asked 'Miss O' if I needed to wear anything special and she said 'come as ya are' so I just wore a nice pair of fawn trousers, a white shirt with a red tie and a blue sports jacket. As it turned out, I was the only one in our party who had obeyed their house dress code.

"No, madam! You and your party are not permitted in the dining room in inappropriate attire!" explained the man taking reservations for the diners.

"Tires? We parked outside, didn't we, Krillin?" said a confused as usual Goku.

"Of course we did, Kakkaroth. Bulma, may I incinerate this worm?" asked Vegeta.

"Good grief, no! We can't take you slobs out to a nice place without your causing trouble!" replied his wife.

"Same here, Bulma. What, sir? No, Bulma, Eloise and I will not remove our trousers!" snapped Chi Chi.

"Can't we all just get along?" suggested Krillin.

"Butt out, Honey! This guy needs some manners beat into him, man!" snarled Eloise who was the former 'Android 18'. The man pointed at me.

"This gentleman is correctly attired and may come in. The rest of you must leave immediately." said the snooty reservations clerk.

"And you, 'Miss Parkstone' look like something the cat dragged in, if you do not mind my familiarity." he added.

Kei grabbed 'Mr Smartypants' by the tie and dragged him into the men's room. I followed to try and rescue the poor man. She fished around in her pockets and yanked out her 3WA ID vidcard which contained many coloured stripes and 5 gold stars across its face.

"Ya kin read, can't ya? What does that say, mister?" growled the Boss who was very very angry.

"It identifies the bearer to be an Imperial Supreme Grand Marshall in the 3WA and the UG ('United Galactica Federation of Galaxies') and the picture, 'Miss Parkstone', is yourself. However, the name shown is 'Keirran O'Halloran', madam." he read and I could almost feel him trembling in her grip.

"That's 'THE' Imperial Supreme Grand Marshall of the 3WA, boyo. And I'm incognito- on assignment. Those guys and ladies out there with me are visiting dignitaries from the newly colonized 'Victorine', got that, man? (He nodded vigourously) We didn't know about any hokey smokey dress code and I ain't gonna embarrass 'em by makin' 'em change their clothes, OK?

(Again he nodded. Good thing we were in the men's room because this guy was gonna pee himself for sure!)

"Now, you are gonna lead us to our table and send the maitre'd over immediately and that wine steward guy, ain't ya? (The guy's pee was staining his suit pants!) Oh, good gravy! Jojo, help him change his shorts and pants while I try and cool off the 'pig squad' out there. Two minutes, pal." she said and then she tossed the guy to me.

Two minutes later, 'Clarence' led all of us to a nice booth in the middle of the dining room.

"What d'ya mean by tellin' me that Irish whiskey is banned on Mars? I've got a case of it back at the damned hotel!" yelled the Boss and heads turned in our direction.

"What? No ramen? What kind of a dump is this, Bulma?" yelled Vegeta.

"Bring us 50 pizzas with everything, please." said Goku.

"Who're you callin' a shrimp, man?" howled Krillin.

"Can't you control that hubby of yours, Eloise?" yelled Bulma.

"Look who's talkin'! That baboon of yours has no manners at all!" howled Eloise.

"My husband is at least civilized." said Chi Chi.

"Oh yeah? Well, he just ordered 50 pizzas- pizzas in this swanky place! Don't sound civilized to me, man." said Bulma angrily.

"Ladies, please remember that you are the gentler sex." I said.

"Shut the Hell up!" they all chorused at me.

"Listen to all that racket coming from the booth behind us, Yuri. Simon, go and see what's wrong, dear." said Pat Holm.

"No. If that row continues, the management will call the local police. The 'Trout d'Loire' looks nice. I'll have that." said Simon.

"If you don't mind, madam. (The head waiter whispered into Yuri's ear) Please? Before they wreck the place?" he said.

"Excuse me for a moment, Pat, Simon." said Yuri, walking to the next booth and flashing her 3WA Vice-Marshall ID vidcard all around the table. Then she saw who the unruly diners were and she blanched white.

"I might have known! Why'd ya bring along the 'pig squad' and the bleached blonde (Eloise Kordavan) and how'd ya get in here in that get-up?" whispered Yuri.

"I am not yelling at you, Jojo. You look very nice." she added.

"If you rowdies do not leave at once, I will call the police." warned a tall skinny dude with a receding hairline who was wearing a Saville Row suit and brandishing a bill in his gloved hand.

"Pay up and get out of my restaurant, madam!" he added angrily.

"Go right ahead and call in the coppers and me and my guys'll crucify 'em!" yelled Krillin who was three sheets to the wind.

"Besides, these two bimbos are 'tro cons' in the 3WA- and high rankin' cops too!" yelled Mrs Brief.

"I am 'Sir George Edwin Appledorn IV' and- oh, the Hell with it! Call the 'ISSP' and let them lock up the lot of 'em. Except for the boy here. He's caused us no problems. You folks don't mind if this lad joins you in your booth, do you? 'Clarence'! No bills for this booth. These people are my personal guests." said 'Mr Appledorn' after I'd taken a seat beside Miss Holm.

"Let's see how a night in the 'Tombs' will cool ya down. Force beam cuffs all around. You too, lady. Cuff 'em all, 'Dana'. Book these two for impersonating police officers." ordered 'ISSP' 'Sergeant MacDuff'.

"Right, Sarge. You can either move that hand, little man, or lose it, boyo. Ya all got the right to remain silent and to have a lawyer present during questioning. You are guilty until proven innocent. You'll get the rest from the bookin' officer downtown. Let's go, folks." said 'Corporal Kookston'.

"Shouldn't we do something, 'Mr Templar', 'Miss Holm'?" I asked, but they were both laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked the waiter, a stocky 'Zygrenian' named 'Horace'.

"Sorry. Wait'll they get to HQ and find out who they've got there. I'd hate to be the poor booking officer at the 'ISSP' and I pity that sergeant and corporal. (Simon glanced at me) Don't you know that they have just arrested the two highest ranking officers in the 3WA? Not to mention an heiress, two Seiyaan liaison officers, their wives, a Terran consulate officer and his wife and they almost got you as well, kiddo." guffawed the 'Saint'.

"Shall we order? Oh, Yuri had an extra ticket to the opera tonight. Would you like to accompany us to watch 'Turandot', 'Mr Joestar'? ('Go, son. You could use some culture.' said my ghostly Mother to me inside of my mind) It's quite a short opera." asked 'Miss Holm' and I accepted and thanked her.

Dinner was delicious and I even had three desserts and several glasses of wine. Sorry, Mother. 'Turandot' was a very confusing opera with everyone singing nonsense in your own language, Mother- Italian.

When we returned to the hotel, there was a note at the desk for 'Mr Piccolo' so I took it from the young lady desk clerk and promised to give it to him as soon as he came in. 'Mr Piccolo' usually came in by way of the roof. No, he had no vessel, but like the other Z Fighters, he could fly.

I was awakened by Mother around 3 AM.

"Get up, Jojo! Answer the damned phone, son. Oh, I hate being just a 'spirit'! Will you answer that damned thing! It's giving me a bloody migraine!" said Mother's voice inside my head.

Then I heard the trilling sound which I had attributed to some night flying insects. Sleepily, I grabbed my comm badge and spoke. The vidphones are tied into our comm badges.

"Yeah? Hullo, what d'ya want? What? Ya got any idea what the Hell time it is, man? Sorry, I was sound asleep, mum. The 'ISSP' is holding 'Miss Parkstone' and her party for disturbing the peace! If I were you, 'Miss Ransome', I'd release them before you have a visit from the 3WA!

"Why? Don't you know that you are holding the Imperial Supreme Grand Marshall and her adjutant and their friends? They all have diplomatic immunity for cat's sake! No! They are NOT impersonating law officers- they ARE both 3WA 'tro-cons'! I don't care whether you believe me or not.

"Have your superiors comm relay 'Shimougou' 3WA and ask for 'Territorial Sector Chief Garner'. He'll vouch for them. OK. I'll come down there to your HQ and sign the necessary vidpapers. Just make sure that I'll be allowed to pick them up and bring them all back home.

"Eh? We should be leaving Mars this weekend, Tuesday next at the latest, mum. My name? It's Joestar, 'Joseph Joestar', mum. OK, see you in fifteen minutes. Thanks for calling, mum. Bye." I said and I tossed my comm badge back on the nightstand by my bunk.

I hated to wake up anyone, but I had no idea where this 'ISSP' HQ place was located so I had no choice. I roused 'Dr Watson'. As a medical chap, he was probably used to being awakened in the middle of the wee hours of the morning.

"Wake up, Dr Watson. Please? I need to speak to you, sir." I whispered and the good doctor was up like a shot!

"What's wrong, son? Oh, don't apolgize, Jojo. Holmes is always waking me at odd hours for our cases. Yes, I know how to get to the 'ISSP' building. However, I'm a bit under the weather and I'd rather not drive or fly rather. Can you pilot a skysled?" asked the doctor and I nodded. We arranged to meet on the roof and I left him to dress while I went back to my own room to dress.

Five minutes later, I was at the controls of a skysled with the doctor beside me, directing me towards our destination.

"Land on the roof, Jojo. They're most likely being held on Level 65, but we'll go to the desk on Level 60. We'll use the lift." said 'Dr Watson' quietly. I slid to a smooth stop and popped the top. The doctor had me set the 'weather shields' because it was snowing again.

We took the lift down to Level 60 and we asked the night duty officer, 'Sergeant Gail Storm', a pretty blonde girl, about our friends.

"Fill out these vidpapers and sign them, sir. I'll rouse the night supervisor. He has to release your friends. Aha! I see that 'Corporal Agarn' has already called 'Mr Garner' and we've been ordered to release the 'Parkstone' party into your custody. They will, however, be required to report to the 'Hall of Justice' Thursday afternoon at 1500 hours, 3 PM. Understand?" explained 'Miss Storm'.

"Capital, my dear. They'll be there, 'Sergeant Storm'. You have my word, madam. Oh dear me. There are a lot of vidpapers to be filled out, aren't there?" said 'Dr Watson' and we sat down and began filling in the blanks. The doctor nudged my arm and whispered to me not to use either 'Miss O's or 'Miss D's real names because they were not supposed to be on Mars at all!

"You are 'Mr Joestar' and 'Dr John H Watson MD'?" asked a tall boyish looking officer.

"I'm 'Captain Layne'. Just call me Tim. I'm night supervisor. All done? Hmmn. Seems to be OK. Excuse me and I'll have your friends brought upstairs, gentlemen. 'Mr Garner' has sent the bail credits already. I say! Rather a hefty bail. Two and a half million UniCreds ($1.25 Million). Now, 'Gail' told you that they must appear at the 'Hall of Justice' Thursday at 1500 hours, right? (I replied in the affirmative).

"Very well. Just wait here. Snowing to beat the bands outside again. Miserable night and a bit unusual for this time of year on Eastern Mars. Oh and one more thing. This 'arraignment' is a mere formality because all of you will be leaving Mars no later than Wednesday next. Correct? (We assured him that our mission would be completed by that time).

"Fine. Ah, here's 'Tanya' ('Corporal Agarn' was a tallish green-haired 'Yluvian' lady who smiled a lot) with your pals. Here. Show these vidpapers to the gate guard on Level 65 and he'll remove their cuffs and shackles. I assume you are docked on the roof? Good. Have a pleasant day, folks." said the kindly 'Captain Tim' and we hustled the Boss and the others to the lifts.

"Another fine mess you've gotten us into, Vegeta! Won't ya ever learn to control your temper?" fumed Bulma Brief, glaring daggers at her husband.

"Same goes for you, Goku. I can't take you anywhere nice, it seems." Chi Chi Son was giving her husband the sharp edge of her tongue.

I later learned that both Saiyaans had used two of the 'Appledorn' security guards for battering rams when the the 'ISSP' cops showed up at the restaurant! That was after Simon, Pat and I had left for the opera house.

"Yes, I do believe that restoring your dear Mother to life again is well within 'ShenRon's powers, Jojo. She's quite a looker, ain't she, sonny?" said 'Master Roshii' when I had found him in the Boss's sitting room watching old anime shows on our vidTV set.

"It was really quite unfair when 'Lord Kars' threw Mother off that high tower, forcing me to choose between defeating and killing him before he could use the 'Red Stone of Aja' to enslave mankind or saving my dear Mother's life." I replied. The big green man put his hand on my shoulder.

"It certainly wasn't your fault, Jojo. It was an agonizing choice to have to make, but I am sure that destroying that 'Pillarman' was what your Mother would have wanted you to do. Just be glad that you wound up here where we have our 'wishing dragon' who can give her back to you, boyo. Hullo. What's this? A note for me?

"Hmmn. Guess it came last night before I came home. Oh well, all's well that ends well, eh? You and the good doctor here got the job done and bailed the Boss and her cronies outta stir. By the way, the 'Baron' sent us a signal that he had safely arrived back on 'Victorine' with 'Miss Machita', 'Mr Hazama' and 'Mr Lucifer'. They can't very well escape since they have no idea where they are nor how to return to 'Zaggat'.

"After we have dealt with this 'Beast World', we will begin our dragon ball hunt. Are you and your Mother's 'spirit' coming along with us, Jojo?" said Piccolo and I assured him that we were indeed accompanying the Saiyaans and himself aboard Mrs Brief's 'Lady Foucault' timeship. He told me that 'Miss O' and 'Miss D' had been ordered back home to 'Shimougou' when our mission was at an end.

"That means that we will all be remaining on 'Victorine' after we have summoned 'ShenRon' and had our three wishes granted. You, your Mom, 'Bob Speedwagon' and 'Smokey Brown' will be stuck there until the next supply vessel arrives in mid-summer. Well, I think I'll find Goku, Vegeta and the kids and get in some more training, kid." yawned Piccolo.

"What about the little man, 'Mr Kordavan'?" I asked. "His wife ('Eloise' was the former 'Android 18' and now a Mom to boot) made him take her and 'Marron' (Their three year old daughter) to the 'Worlds' Worlds' Fair'. This year, it's being held right here on Mars in 'Moravian City'. They left early yesterday morning.

"They're due back here by Sunday. They don't want to miss the big 'Beastly' send-off. You know something, Joestar? A bit of training wouldn't hurt you either. I'll be in the hotel's gymnasium if you'd like a few pointers from me. See ya later, alligator." said the big green Namekian guy and I promsed to drop in on their training session as soon as I could. I could use a good workout. First things first, though. The kitchenette was a shambles!

I was sweeping up when 'Mr MacGyver' and 'Mr Thornton' came home. They'd been practicing ice hockey on the roof.

"Don't we have cleaning 'droids to do that, Jojo?" asked 'Mr T' while 'Mr M' got out some carrot juice for himself. 'Mr T' 'repped up' java for himself and was about to bite into a gooey chocolate 'bismarck' pasty when his partner put the kibosh on the goodies.

"The coffee's bad enough for ya, Pete. What with your heart and all. That pastry just screams calories and you've been putting on some weight, old buddy. Have an apple instead, man." said 'Mr M'.

"Weight? 'MacGyver', didn't you hear 'Allie'? She told us that in space you cannot gain weight!" argued 'Mr T'. I knew the answer to that one already.

"That is quite correct, sir. However, we are not in space now. We are on the surface of a planet and Mars is the same as Earth although the gravity's a little different here, sir." I explained.

"He means that you can still gain weight on Mars, Fatso." chuckled 'Mr M' who was busily performing Yoga stretching exercises.

"Oh my! My poor tummy. I should have listened to 'John' (Watson). I should not have eaten that fourth steak sandwich nor should I have polished off the whole bottle of that blue soda pop. Ooh!" said 'Dr Lyndon Parker'. He was 'Mr Pons's sidekick and a medical man same as Dr Watson.

"Take some 'Galusol' (Like Pepto Bismol) for your tummy-ache, Doc. Physician, heal thyself. Ain't that how it goes, 'Lyn'?" chortled 'Chi Chi'.

"Blue soda pop? Oh, you must have drunk some of that 'Romulan Ale' that Daddy got sick on last week, sir. Remember, 'Auntie'? Funny that it didn't seem to hurt 'Uncle Goku' any or did it?" mused 'Bra Brief' who was 'Trunks's younger sister. 'Mr and Mrs Brief' were the kid's parents.

"Nothing will hurt that big lummox of mine, dear. Any java left, 'Pete'?" replied Chi Chi.

"Oh dear! 'Bra'! Has your father seen that outfit yet? It certainly does not leave anything to the imagination, does it? You're not gonna wear that dress in public, are you?" demanded her 'Auntie'.

"Unh huh. I sure am, 'Auntie C'. I have a date tonight with that nice Ninja boy, 'Sai'. We are going to the theatre." said 'Bra'.

"Not like that you ain't, young lady! Your father would blow a gasket! I have a very nice dinner gown that should fit you, dear. I wore it when I first met your Daddy ('Daddy' is Vegeta) all those years ago." said 'Bulma Brief'.

"Aw, Mom! That dress is horrible, man! Screw it! I'll go in sweats and jeans instead." pouted 'Bra'.

"The Hell ya will! You're a 'Brief', girl and you need to make a good impression on 'Sai' and on his 'foster father', 'Mr Kakashi'. If they saw you in pants, we'd be the laughingstock of Mars!" howled 'Mrs Brief'.

"I thought we alaready were, Mom? What with Daddy always losing his temper and getting drunk and beatin' up everybody in sight and-" 'Bra' would have rattled on forever had 'Mrs B' not stopped her.

"Enough of your insolence, Missy! Go to your room and change into something suitable, dammit! Otherwise, you ain't leavin' this hotel! I have spoken!" yelled 'Mrs B' after her daughter's fast retreating form. I decided to take a walk. After all, I have never been to Mars before nor had anyone whom I knew from Earth.

"Hello there, sir. What's your name?" asked a youngish female voice which seemed to be coming from the ceiling. I glanced up and I saw what appeared to be a novice Catholic nun floating above my head!

"Hullo there, Sister. My name's 'Joseph Joestar', but folks just call me Jojo." I replied.

"Pardon me. I know that I ain't supposed to fly indoors. My name is 'Sister Patricia' but everyone calls me 'Trish'." she giggled.

"We already have a Patricia here, Sister." I said and she grinned.

"I know. I saw her in your mind, Jojo. I met 'Pat Holm' and 'Mr Simon' back on 'Victorine'. I was recently assigned there by 'Grandfather Casterlain'. He's the head of our order on 'Shimougou' and we just started the first convent on the new world." she explained after she had landed beside me.

"Then what are you doing on Mars, Sister?" I asked.

"Call me Trish. I stowed away when they evacuated 'Vic'. I had been told to accompany 'Mr Solo' aboard his shuttle, but he was going to 'Kagura' and I don't like it there. I hopped aboard 'Lady Bulma's 'Lady Foucault' timeship when I heard she was coming here. Ya ain't gonna rat on me, are ya, Jojo?" she said and I shook my head. After all, we'd all soon be on our way back to 'Victorine' anyhow.

"Where are you staying, Trish? We have plenty of room here." I offered and she brightened up.

"Cool! Where's my bunk, man? Oh, most of my junk's still aboard the shuttle. I got the necessities in my rucksack here." she said and I pointed to 'Bra's room.

"If ya don't mind sharing, that's 'Bra Brief's room. Take the bottom bunk. She's got the upper one. Not to worry. She loves keeping secrets from her Mom and Dad. Guess you know the 'Briefs' already?" I said and she nodded.

"Sure. They've been around forever, man. 'Mr Brief's so cool and so's 'Mr Son'. 'Gohan' and 'Videl' here too?" she replied.

"No. I haven't seen 'em anyway. I think they went to 'Shim'. 'Gohan' insisted that their second child was going to be born in a hospital, a real one. 'Pan' was born on the 'Lady F', 'Bulma's timeship. Well, dump your kit in there and you can go for a walk with me. Ever been to Mars before, Trish?" I asked.

"Nope. We can explore it together, Jojo. I know. No flyin', right? (I nodded) OK. Don't wanna scare any of the citizens, do we? Be right back." she laughed.

When she emerged from her new bedroom, gone were her white habit, cowl and strange looking headgear. She had changed into a tee shirt, cutoff jeans, sneakers and a 'Dallas Cowboys' warm-up jacket. Atop her ash blonde hair she wore a green baseball cap emblazoned with a white 'PF' below a 'phoenix firebird'. I recalled that 'Bra' had been given several of those caps by 'Mr Thornton'. The 'PF' stood for 'Phoenix Foundation' where he and 'Mr MacGyver' worked on Earth or Terra as we called it here.

"Ya think that 'Bra' will mind my borrowing some of her stuff, Jojo?" she asked worriedly.

"She probably won't even miss that outfit you're borrowing, Trish." I chuckled and I stopped to stick my 'comm badge' into my pocket. We had been told not to wear anything that might identify us as 3WA. However, I didn't have a vidcellphone and I needed to keep in touch with my friends, didn't I?

After we had wandered around for awhile, I checked my wristchromo and saw how late it was getting. Trish had told me that she was only 14- or was it 15 Earth years old. Don't teenagers need naps? I decided that this one did so we started walking back to the hotel.

"Look, Jojo! An alchemy shoppe. Can we go in and just look around? Please?" she pleaded and I gave in. No harm in just browsing, was there?

"It's OK. I know all about your Mom being dead and now she's only a 'spirit', man. Hey! An old 'grimoire'! It's only 3 UniCreds, Jojo. I'll pay ya back. All my swag's in my rucksack back at the hotel. Please?" she cajoled me by looking at me with her sad puppy dog eyes and again I relented. I pulled out my vidwallet and bought her the darn thing. It's only an old book, ain't it?

How wrong I was!

(AN: A 'grimoire' is a book of witchcraft and/or warlock spells).

END of Chapter 14. Chapter 15 'Bringing Back Mom' or 'The Summoning' coming as soon as we figure out how to continue our adventures with the 3WA. Next time, someone else will be our narrator. Take care, friends.- Story Teller Guy'.


	15. Ch 15'Bringing Back Mom'The Summoning'

VOV Ch 15 'Bringing Back Mom' or 'The Summoning'

DISCLAIMER: Hullo there, everyone! Been a long time, hasn't it? Sorry, I am Brigadier Albert Burkhalter. I have arrived at Victorine HQ with an important message. However, it's my turn to do the honours so-

We want to thank Mr Haruka-San Takachiho and every other creator whose creations we have used, may use or are using. Without their consents, we would be unable to share our adventures with you, would we? Of course, anyone who wants to use any of our own creations and OCs- go ahead so long as we get our due credit for them. Now on with the show!

I warned 'Trish' not to try any of those spells in that 'grimoire' book I had bought for her. Yup. Still me, 'Jojo Joestar' faithfully reporting from our dogs in the 'Hotel Splendide'. 'Trish' had bolted into her bedroom with her precious book. I heated some milk for cocoa. Yeah, I know that we have 'replicators', but I am old-fashioned and I like to work in the kitchen. Someone had brought us some home made cookies and I munched on a fresh Pfeffernusse while I waited for the milk to heat.

"Oopsy! Yo, 'Mr Jojo', you there, sir?" called 'Trish's voice from her bedroom. I had heard a soft plopping sound a few minutes ago, but I had assumed that 'Trish' had dumped some stiff on the floor. I recalled that there had been a pile of the other girls' junk on 'Trish's bunk and I thought no more of it until 'Trish' called me.

Sighing, I turned off the heat and stirred in the cocoa, salt, vanilla and sugar. Then I wiped off my hands and headed for 'Trish's bedroom. Imagine my surprise to be greeted by some old fool in a ridiculous purple robe and sporting a silly looking crown atop his grey hair. Was there a fancy dress party going on? Nobody had mentioned anything to me.

"Uh, 'Trish'? You called?" I asked and the frightened kid was kneeling on her lower bunk, that infernal book open on her lap.

"Yeah. Can you get rid of this guy, please?" she whined. Of course, I am no wizard and 'Hamon' power cannot be used to dispel evil spirits either.

"What in heaven's name have you done, girlie? I'm not 'Shadrak', 'Trish'. Who is this dude anyway?" I asked. The poor man was more bewildered than I because he was pointing his sceptre at me and mumbling words in a language I had never heard before.

"All I done was read a few passages in this old book out loud, sir and- POOF!- 'Old Whiskerpuss' here shows up, man!" she tried to explain and the bearded old man extracted a pair of spectacles from his pocket and he was peering myopically through them at me.

"Oh dear, oh dear. I must be in the land of giants. Rukia? Oh no. You are not 'Lt Kutschsky', are you, my child? And you, sir, are not 'Captain Zaraki', are you? Well? On your knees, sir. Do ye not recognize your sovereign? On your knees, I say!" shouted this old buffoon.

"Never. 'Joseph Joestar' goes on his knees before no man, sir." I snapped, a bit snippily.

"Then on thy own head be my wrath, sir!" he howled and I powered up my 'Hamon' energy.

"Whoa there, Gramps! Who the devil are ya, man?" yelled 'Trish' and I wished that we were not all alone in the suite with this old geezer who suddenly seemed dangerous to me. When 'Mother' whispered into my mind, I was really worried.

"He is 'Agethorn', Sovereign Lord and King of the Soul Reapers who live in the 'Seretai' in the World of those who have passed on, my dear son." 'Mother' 'mind sent' an urgent message into my head and I advanced warily, hands outstretched, palms up to show I carried no weapons.

"What place is this? I see no nobles nor do I espy naught save a giant and a sniveling girl child. Alas, I fear I am not in the 'Seretai' at all. Poor 'Agethorn', displaced King of Soul Reapers. Oh, woe is he, woe is he!" said the older guy and he began to sob.

"Hey! He said soul reapers, 'Mr J'." said 'Trish' and I was more confused than ever.

"So?" I asked and 'Trish' hopped off her bunk and curtseyed deeply to the old fool and then knelt before him and kissed his ring! Had the poor child been driven insane? She led the bewildered 'King' to a chair and sat him down. I sat in another chair while 'Trish' asked him if he'd care for some cocoa which she fetched from the kitchen with the cookies I had discovered. He thanked her and then beckoned to me.

"Uh. Yes, uh, sire?" I stammered and he indicated that I should take his cocoa and a cookie. I didn't want to offend the guy so I took them. He pointed at the mug and cookie jar.

"Fool! Taste them! They may contain poison, boy!" he yipped and, to shut him up, I tasted the cocoa and bit into one of the cookies. He snatched mug and cookie from me and began munching and swilling. And here I thought royals had table manners. 'Trish' sat on the bunk facing me and I suddenly realized that 'Trish' had somehow managed to accidentally 'summon' this idiot when she had read out that spell from her new book.

The portals of our suite swished aside and then the door to 'Trish's bedroom crashed open.

"Oh my. Someone has been very naughty, haven't they, 'Sister Patricia'?" admonished 'Whis', the strange teal-coloured alien who was staying with us while his 'Master', 'Lord Beerus' was in hibernation back in his own Universe.

"Oh goody! 'Mr Whis', sir? Please send this old guy back home. Please?" wheedled 'Trish', but the tall effeminate alien shook his leonine head sadly.

"Alas, that is beyond my poor powers. Not even my dear 'Master' could send this fellow back home. You brought him here using very dark magic, my child. Only you can send him back from wherever he came. Ooh! Cookies and cocoa! May I? Please?" said the tall blue-greenish alien and I nodded towards the laden tray.

"Where are my loyal subjects? Why is this room so small? Summon my grand vizier!" ordered the 'King'.

"Good lord! Where did he come from, guys?" howled Piccolo. He had been drawn to the bedroom because of all of the commotion. I forgot that the green man had been sleeping in the corner by the fireplace.

"Uh, 'Lord Whis' says he's 'King Agethorn' of the 'Soul Reapers', milord." I explained and the huge Namekian guy suddenly looked quite worried. So did 'Lord Whis'.

"How's about lettin' us in on the joke, guys?" demanded our pert flying nun. 'Lord Piccolo' deferred to 'Lord Whis' who sat down heavily on one of the divans in the sitting room. 'His Highness' took a wing chair while 'Trish' and I shared a sofa. 'Lord Whis' arose and paced back and forth on the hearth rug while he explained the dangers to us. 'Lord Piccolo' absently toyed with a small green flame he had generated in the palm of his hand.

"He is indeed 'Agedorn', the 'Soul Reaper' King. Not many people or alien beings have seen this gentleman because he lives far away in another dimension whose secret location is jealously guarded. Only a very few of the reaper captains and their leader captain know of this secret location. Even 'Master' ('Lord Beerus', the God of Destruction) is forbidden to visit his sacred world. By whom, I am not at liberty to tell you, of course.

"How exactly this dear child here managed to ferret out the correct incantations to summon him here to this new world I do not know. However, if she does not soon send him back from whence he came, there will be trouble- big trouble, dear friends. You see, when his absence is noticed, his 'Grand Vizier', another former reaper captain whose name I again I am not at liberty to divulge, will put out a, as you would say, 'all points bulletin' to find him.

"This will mean that every reaper, both past and present as well as every single time lord and time lady will go on the alert to find the reapers' sovereign and return him to his hidden realm. Anyone or anything that gets in their way or refuses to answer their questions will be 'unmade'. ('Lord Whis' thought for a moment or two) Are there any wizards, witches, sorcerers, sorceresses or alchemists on 'Victorine'?" asked 'Lord Whis' and 'Lord Piccolo' arose and walked over to 'Trish'.

"Let me see that 'grimoire' book, 'Sister'. Please?" rumbled the huge Namekian and, at a nod from me, she handed it to him. He rapidly scanned the pages until he found what he was seeking. Then he frowned.

"Oh no! You did not use this 'summoning' spell, did you?" shouted the excited green man. 'Trish' craned her neck to see what he was pointing at in her book.

"Yup. That's the one, sir. Why?" asked the girl. 'Lord Whis' had grabbed the 'grimoire' from 'Lord Piccolo' and he too frowned.

"Well?" I demanded angrily and 'Mother' 'mind sent' to me that the spell was irreversible! "Irreversible!" I yelled aloud.

"That is quite correct, Jojo, but how did you know?" asked a puzzled 'Lord Whis'.

"Long story. Let's just say that 'Mother' told me. OK?" I replied. "Anyhow, it can't be irreversible, can it? I mean, every magical incantation has a counter spell, does it not?" I added hopefully, but they both shook their heads.

"Only a 'Dispelling Circle' created by a true mage, a real witch, an actual warlock, a wizard, a sorcerer, a sorceress and three powerful, very powerful alchemists can form such a circle. I am a mage and Piccolo has some powers which he took from 'Master Babidi', the wizard and 'Dabura, the Demon King', but we still need the others. And from the signs in the aether above this world, this circle must be created and used before the next full moons rise when all nine of this planet's moons are in a row." explained 'Lord Whis'.

"And such a conjugation of moons will occur in less than a week, guys. At least, according to my pocket 'Galactic Compendium's almanac anyhow." said 'MacGyver' and 'Pete Thornton' was rapidly skimming through his own pocket almanac on his PDO unit.

"Mac's right, folks. But where in the world are we gonna find wizards, witches, warlocks, sorcerers, demons and alchemists in time?" replied 'Mr Thornton'. I thought furiously.

"All time lords are sorcerers and warlocks and all time ladies are sorceresses and witches. Isn't young 'Harry Potter' (Our parking dock attendant for the new courthouse in 'Victoria City') a wizard? And 'Robin' is still a witch, ain't she? As far as alchemists go, we have the 'Elric' brothers (Edward and Alphonse) and their father, 'Lord Hohenheim' just a short flight away- on 'Kagura'. As far as a powerful wizard is concerned, may I suggest 'Lord Casterlain' who is 'Sister Patricia's actual grandfather?

"I further suggest that you all get signals out to these persons and have them all report here to 'Victorine' as soon as possible. 'Mr MacGyver', 'Mr Thornton'. You forget the solar storms and our solar winds which swirl about our 'gravity well'. They will hasten the conjunction of moons. I would estimate that you have less than four solar days, 96 solar hours or less, to form the 'Dispelling Circle' and send the bearded one back home.

"Oh and do not forget that by now, there's a big hullabaloo about this fellow's 'kidnapping'. The reapers will feel that 'King Agedorn' has not been 'spirited away' accidentally by a schoolgirl dabbling in black magic. Rather, they will blame factions within the 'Citadel' for his disappearance. They have surely already sent a 'posse' to 'Gallifrey' and to 'Shimougou' and Mars. They are more than likely scouring the 'World of the Passed Over' and the 'Seretai' for him. Their searches will, of course, be hindered by the fact that most of them have never laid eyes upon their own King." explained 'Old Scarfy' aka as Doctor #4, a time lord.

(AN: Time to give Jojo a rest from narrating, don't ya think? Now the tale will be told by the good Doctor himself).

I quickly marshalled my meagre forces and we rousted 'Captain Sir Integra Winifred von Helsing' out of her cozy bunk in the wee hours of the morning before suns rise and gave her orders to contact any and all wizards, warlocks, mages, magesses, sorcerers, sorceresses, witches, alchemists, alkahestrists, youkai and hanyou demons, magicians and anyone else she could think of calling up for this most important mission.

What a time for our resident time lords and ladies to be off on a 'sabbatical' to 'Neptune'! As I have said, we time lords and ladies are also sorcerers and warlocks, sorceresses and witches, albeit 'white' rather than 'black' magic practitioners. This rather limited our poor powers since 'dark magic' is much more powerful than 'light magic'. 'Dark' does not really mean that it is evil or bad. Rather, it is from the darker forces of nature such as thunder and storms instead of from sunshine and light breezes.

"If only we had an anchoring force who has already 'crossed over', died, I mean. He or she could easily contain the forces we will be marshalling for that circle." said 'Mr MacGyver' glumly and 'Mr Thornton' patted his shoulder.

"We can't have everything, 'Mac'. We got to just use what we got like that old timey TV chef is, er, was always saying." comforted 'Mr T' and Jojo had a scathingly brilliant idea just nano-seconds before his 'Mother' nudged me with yet another 'mind send' message.

(AN: Time lords and time ladies can also read minds).

"What about 'Mother', my 'Mother'? She was foully slain by 'Lord Kars' and we have not yet wished her back using 'Lord ShenRon'. Would she be powerful enough? She still possesses her 'Hamon' energies." said the big guy who had recently dispatched the last of the 'Pillarmen' and sealed away forever the 'Red Stone of Aja' deep beneath this planet's surface.

"That's right! 'Mrs Joestar' is still a shade, a 'spirit', a 'ghost'- of sorts. Only if she will agree, of course." said 'Mr T'.

"Just you boyos try and stop me. However, 'Lord Kars' forced me to expend almost all of my 'Hamon' energies. Perhaps I can link with Jojo and together we can contain the circle? I feel it to be our only chance of transporting this poor soul back to his faraway home." said 'Mrs J' who had materialized and now floated in the aether above her beloved son.

"I just love it when a plan comes together." I said before I realized that I was tooting my own horn. Nobody seemed to take umbrage to my selfishness though so I began checking my PDO unit for the instructions telling us how to create a 'Dispelling Circle'. Glancing at my wristchromo, I saw that we had already wasted two solar hours! A mere 94 to go! I prayed that we could complete the circle in time and get rid of the King before his minions arrived.

"Where are we going, 'Captain Aizen', sir?" asked his new soul reaper lieutenant, the newly deceased 'Angela Dawson'.

"I have told you several times already, 'Lt Dawson'. We have been ordered to search for that fool King of ours, 'Agedorn'. Why they called me in on it is beyond my ken, child. After all, I have renounced my 'Seretai' citizenship. I did that several centuries ago. By the by, you got assigned to me because there was no room in the other 'Guard Squads' in the 'Seretai' and the old lead captain, Old Man Yamamoto of 'Squad One' still thinks of me as the former captain of 'Squad Five'." snarled 'Lord Sosuke Aizen'.

He and 'Angie' were standing beside the pilots of the huge 'Flying Skycar' while they whooshed through the aethers of several planets in the 'Aquarian Galaxy'. 'Angie' pointed to a small green world in the distance.

"What's that place, sir?" she asked, adjusting the swordbelt holding her brand new 'zampakutou' (zam-pah-tou) battle sword whose name she had yet to discover meaning that she could not release its full power as of yet.

"Eh? Oh, that. That is 'Shimougou', the HQ world for the 'Worlds Welfare Works Association', the '3WA'. Anything on the scanners, 'Warrant Keller'?" replied the captain whose desire was to rule the Universes someday soon.

The tall blonde 'Ermelyte' woman shook her head. "Nothing, sire. Nobody in their right mind would dare to kidnap 'His Majestic Highness' and take him into the heart of the enemy, sire. Wait! I just remembered something. (She turned to her commander) The 3WA had those 'rift' problems which started in AD 2140 if you recall. (He nodded testily) Well, they had an overabundance of people to find new homes for so they 'terraformed' that old 'Zamarkand' world and rechristened it 'Victorine'. It's up near Mars and 'Kagura', sire. Perhaps whoever has kidnapped our Lord and Master does not know that the 3WA are in control there now?" said the pert 'Warrant Officer Three'.

"Yes, that is a distinct possibility, 'Hilda'. 'Flight Commander Wilcox'? (The pilot nodded while dodging an asteroid the size of the Terran state of 'Georgia'). Take us to Mars and 'cloak' our vessel. We do not want to announce our presence there. Good call, 'Keller'. Get back to your scans just in case we have guessed wrong. (He turned to his exec). 'Angie', how is your 'zampakutou' training progressing? Any clue to your blade's name yet?" asked her superior and the girl shook her purple tresses which spilled out from under her helmet.

"Not yet, sire. It's almost like this darn old sword thing don't wanna tell me nothin', man." sulked his exec.

"Sir, lieutenant. Not 'man'. Show the proper respect, dammit." snapped 'Greg Wilcox', slipping the craft into 'hyperspace jump' mode. "Hang onto yer skivvies, ladies. Here we go." he added and the commander shoved 'Angie' into a gunner's seat and strapped her in before doing the same to himself.

The ship bucked like a Terran Texas bronco and the stars became lines of starlight. Just as suddenly, they slid out of 'jump' mode and looking below them, they could espy a medium-sized world covered with vegetation, deserts, mountains, lakes, seas and rivers and far off to the East, a great city.

"They've been busy, sir. I don't recall the city looking like this the last time I was here. ('Aizen' stared at the grizzled veteran pilot). Oh, I've been making some supply runs for 'em from 'Shim', sir. I did mention that to you last month. Remember? (Finally, his commander nodded) Where shall I put us down, sir?" asked 'Wilcox'.

"Beside that river but behind those rocks. Anything on the scans, 'Keller'?" growled 'Aizen'.

"Do not land, sire. The scans show that our fearless leader is on Mars. Right in the heart of 'Moravian City', sire. Huh? Only thing in that direction are hotels. Why in the Sam Hill would they be keeping him so close to the 'ISSP' HQ building, sire? Got him! Level 1417 in 'Hotel Splendide'. Some ritzy suites on that level if I remember aright." reported 'Hilda Keller'.

"Is the hotel's roof big enough-" began 'Aizen', but 'Greg' shook his grey head.

"You have got to be kidding, sir. We're almost as big as the 'Boss's own flagships- those blasted 'Lovely Angel' K-Class series. We could land outside of the city and shuttle in the rest of the way and land the shuttle on the hotel roof." suggested the pilot.

"Unh huh and there's a short gantryway stairwell from the roof to the top floor where there's another gantryway stairs and a lift. It's a nice day down below on Mars so the four of us should encounter little resistance. Everyone in the hotel is probably out on the streets enjoying the sunshine." said 'Hilda' and 'Greg' concurred. 'Aizen' turned to his exec.

"OK, 'Dawson'. Draw plasma rifles and sidearms for us. Better leave our blades aboard. Keep your weapons under wraps in case there are any 'ISSP' or '3WA' guards around. Weapons are forbidden on Mars unless you're a law officer or in the military. Take us down, 'Wilcox'. Stay strapped in for now, 'Angie'. You too, 'Hildy'." ordered 'Lord Aizen'.

'Greg' eased them into a soft landing in a soft slushy snowbank some twenty kilometres from the city. 'Angie' gathered up the rifles and blasters and tossed them aboard 'Rene Descartes', one of several shuttles aboard the 'Zombie A', their main vessel. Then she collected the others' 'zampakutou' swords and locked them in the ship's vault. Finally, she prepared to step aboard the shuttle.

"Whoa! We'd all better be wearing 'civvies' because only the 'ISSP' cops and '3WA' 'tro-cons' will be in uniform, sir." suggested 'Greg' and 'Aizen' gave the necessary orders.

"Good idea, 'Greg'. And we had better use first names only. Address me as 'Dale'. We meet back here in ten minutes at the 'Rene'. Go and change." growled 'Lord Aizen' and they split. 'Hilda' and 'Angela' shared a suite, 'Dale' had his own quarters as did 'Greg'. The men changed into fisherman sweaters and slacks and loafers. They also wore hooded parkas to hide their rifles and blasters. The girls opted for pantsuits and high heels, green for 'Hilda' and red for 'Angie'. They wore hooded parkas as well. Within fifteen minutes, they were all aboard the shuttlecraft and zipping through the snowy aether towards the city.

'Greg' waited at the city's 'weather shield barrier' until a large convoy arrived. Then he slid their 'cloaked' shuttle through the 'barrier' along with the convoy. He peeled off for downtown 'Moravian City' and the 'Hotel Splendide' where he made a delicate roof landing. They hopped off the craft and descended to the hall below where they opted for the gantryway stairs.

"We are in luck, guys. 'His Majestic Highness' should be in that suite right across from the lifts. At least that's what my PDO unit is showing, si-, 'Dale'." whispered 'Hilda'.

"Yo, 'Angie'. See if ya kin find a maid's uniform and grab a trolley. Then pretend that ye're with room service. Get 'em to open the portals for ya, kid." whispered the older pilot and the purple-coifed girl dashed off down the hallway. She was back in jig time wearing a grey mini-skirted uniform and pushing a laden trolley towards the suite's portals where she gently tugged the 'klaxon pull'.

"Yeah, who is it, man?" yelled 'Trish' from her chair.

"Room sairvice, mum. The big guy ordered breakfast fer ye." called 'Angie' and Jojo recalled mentioning breakfast to the desk clerk lady so he shrugged and opened the portals. The 'maid' was shoved roughly inside by a bear of a guy followed by a tall blonde and a man that Piccolo stared at with fire in his eyes.

"As I live and breathe, it's 'Aizen'! What the Hell?" snarled the green man, firing up a 'spirit bomb' until he saw that all four newcomers were pointing vicious looking blasters at them. Slung across the blonde's shoulders was a plasma rifle and both men had unlimbered rifles as well.

"We will cause you no trouble, my friends. All we want is him." said 'Aizen' in a quiet voice.

"You can't have him, milord." said 'Lord Whis', pointing his staff at the quartet.

"Now look, man! We have been ordered to search for this guy and then return him to the soul reaper world. From there, they will take over and get the old fool back to his home." explained 'Greg Wilcox'.

"I am afraid that will be quite impossible- now." replied 'Lord Whis' and Piccolo agreed.

"He's right, 'Aizen'. 'Agedorn' has not been kidnapped, in your sense of the word anyway. He was 'summoned' here by magic and only his 'summoner' (Piccolo looked at poor 'Trish') can send him back. Unfortunately, this poor child hasn't got a clue as to how to do that." said the big green man.

"To explain further, the only ither way to send him back home is with a 'Dispelling Circle'. To that end, we have begun collecting the necessary personnel and-" began 'Lord Whis'.

"Silence! He is coming with us and in case you have some idea of stopping us- Now, 'Hildy'! Grab the kid!" yelled 'Dale' and quick as a flash, the blonde had pinioned 'Trish's arms and was frog-marching her out the portals.

"Fly, 'Trish'! Fly!" howled Jojo, but, without her cornet nun's hat, all the poor girl could do was swear and kick which availed her naught in the taller woman's tight as a vise grip.

"We are powerless, friends. Nothing must happen to 'His Higness'. We must allow these people to take him. Do you give me your word, milord, that no harm will come to the King nor to this young child?" said 'Lord Whis', laying down his staff. At a glance from 'Lord Whis', Jojo powered down his 'Hamon' energy and Piccolo reluctantly allowed his 'spirit bomb' to fizzle out.

"You have my word, sir. As soon as we have delivered this old fool to the 'Serretai', I will send my adjutant back with the girl." said 'Dale Aizen'.

"Adjutant? Who's that, sir?" asked the purple-haired 'maid'.

"That's you, stupid. You're the damned exec, ain't ya?" snarled 'Hilda Keller'.

'Greg' and 'Dale' kept the others covered while 'Hilda' and 'Angie' backed out of the suite, keeping the trolley table between them and the sitting room.

"Get rid of that damned trolley, 'Dawson'!" snapped the blonde. "Shove it at 'em and let's go!" she added.

"Sorry about this, folks. Orders is orders, man." said the slight 'maid', shoving the trolley into poor Jojo and then making a beeline for the open portals which she slammed closed and used her blaster to burn out the portal's circuitry. "I'll catch ya up, guys. I left my suit in the closet and-" said 'Angie'.

"Leave the damned thing already! I'll buy ya a new one! Let's get moving, girl!" howled 'Greg'. 'Dale' was holding the lift portals open for 'Hilda' and 'Trish'. Finally, 'Angie' came jogging up the corridor. The lift shot them up to the roof hallway. They all dashed up the final gantryway stairs to the roof and were soon lifting off in their shuttle. Meanwhile-

"Get on the horn, Jojo! They have to get through the city 'barrier'. Call the spaceport controllers. They've got to stop those idiots! Now, boyo!" screeched Piccolo who leaped out the window and began flying in their wake. Unbeknownst to the escaping group, Namekians can 'see' most 'cloaked' vessels and the 'Rene' was no exception.

Unluckily for Piccolo, the 'barrier' was still open and the shuttle slipped through unnoticed with Piccolo hard on its heels. His sharp eyes soon spotted the 'Zombie A' awaiting them. The shuttlecraft slipped aboard and 'Greg' immediately lifted off for the 'World of the Passed Over Souls'. Realizing that his speed could never match that of the 'Skycar's, Piccolo dug out his comm badge and called Garner.

"Now, lemme get this straight, son. The good sister accidentally summoned the soul reaper's King to Mars. Then he was kidnapped by a rogue soul reaper captain and his cronies who claim to be taking him to the 'Seretai' and you have followed them to their ship? What have you and those Saiyaans been drinkin', son?" chortled the 'Territorial Sector Chief'.

"I'm a Namekian, sir! Lemme lay this one on ya, 'Charlie' boyo! The reapers have an 'APB' out on their king and if anything happens to the old fool, all Hell's gonna break loose! Send out a patrol ship and arrest 'Aizen' and get that guy back pronto. Ask 'Uncle Vito' if ya don't believe me. He's met 'Agedorn' before, man. 'Aizen's gotta have cleared Mars by now and he's gotta fly over 'Victorine' and 'Kagura' and 'Shim' to get to his old home world. You have got to stop him, Charlie! Kapish?" shouted Piccolo and 'Charles Garner' promised to do whatever he could to stop 'Aizen'.

"Will you two stop playing with those damned 'gold balls' and go see what that old fool wants now. He's more trouble than he's worth and I hope his friends appreciate what we are doing for him." snarled 'Lord Aizen' who was mulling over how to make safe contact with one of the soul reaper officers.

During their voyage, the two girls had amused themselves by collecting 'floating rocks' that they had been finding all across the cosmoses. The weird thing was that when they took them aboard and began to rub the dust off them, they had all turned a bright metallic golden colour.

"How many we got, 'Hildy'?" asked an anxious 'Angie'.

"One, two- I make it seven, kiddo. Hey! What the Hell?" yelped the tall blonde girl when all of the 'rocks' began to shimmer and sparkle! 'Angie' dove for cover under the blankets on her bunk. Big brave soul reaper my eye!

"Who dares to awaken me from my slumbers?" roared the immense red-eyed green dragon that had suddenly materialized in the cramped room. 'ShenRon' (For of course it was he!) looked very uncomfortable crouching beside the 'rocks' which were glowing like they had an inner fire.

CRASH! 'ShenRon's huge head smashed through the ceiling causing 'Kelvinite' shards to rain down on them from the room above.

"Who hath summoned me? Who hath awakened the mighty 'ShenRon', the 'Eternal Dragon of the Earth'?" he roared and this time, 'Hilda Keller' snatched up a plasma rifle which turned to ash when the dragon breathed fire upon the weapon.

"What the Sam Hill are you two doing in here? Breaking up housekeeping? Good Kami in Heaven above all! It's 'ShenRon'! Where the Dickens did he come from, man?" howled 'Greg Wilcox' when he popped his head into the girls' bedroom. Hard on his heels came the commander.

"Well? Who hath dared to summon me? State your three wishes!" roared a now angry 'wish dragon'. You see, the 'pretty rocks' that the girls had gathered were really the famous 'Dragon Balls'. When gathered together once a year, they united to form this mighty wish granting dragon whose life resides within the balls. The rest of the year they resemble ordinary rocks and are scattered to Hell and gone.

"Get that thing off my 'skycar' and I mean now, dammit!" shouted 'Aizen' angrily. His fist dropped to his blaster, but at a look from 'Greg', he did not draw his sidearm. 'Angie' peeked out from under her blanket tent while 'Hilda' massaged her burned hand.

"State your wishes and be quick about it! I am quite weary!" roared 'ShenRon' and 'Angie' stood up on the bunk, forgetting that she was only wearing her undies.

"I wish old King whatshisname was back home where he belongs!" she yelled.

"Granted! Next wish, please?" roared the dragon.

"I wish that dumb girl had never gone to that old magic shop on Mars with 'Mr Joestar'!" whined 'Angie'.

"Granted! State your final wish so that I may return to my slumbers, child!" he roared.

"I wish that 'Captain Aizen' was accepted as 'Squad Five's leader once again and that that this dumb old 'skycar' was in that old 'Seretai' instead of out here in space!" she sniveled while everyone else stared at her and 'ShenRon' with mouths wide open. They were all in deep shock.

"Granted! Goodbye until next time, my friends! Farewell!" he roared and, just as suddenly as he had appeared, 'ShenRon' was gone! Gone too were the 'golden balls' which bore a number from 'one' to 'seven' and contained the like number of black stars on them.

"Captain! 'Agedorn's gone! His cell's empty!" shouted 'Hilda' who had dashed down the hallway to the brig cells.

"Hey, Chief! Look outside! Ain't that the 'Squad Hall' in the 'Seretai' out there?" asked 'Greg'. The comm relay crackled to life.

"This is the 'Squad Three' captain. Returning your call, milord. What's all this about a missing 'Agedorn'? We just heard from his hidden realm. He's fine and dandy. 'Lord Aizen', the 'Head Captain' has a new assignment for you, sir. Please report to his office with your squad and that includes your newly promoted 'Lts Dawson and Keller' and your new security officer, 'Lt Wilcox'. And this time, please bring your 'zampakutou' with you. The 'Boss Man' does not like to be kept waiting, milord."

"Sounds like all is forgiven, Chief. I'll take the 'Zombie A' to our squad's motor pool and meet ya at old 'whiskerpuss's office. You two had better change and go along with the Chief." said 'Greg'.

"Uh, I just got a comm relay from 'Joestar'. He wants to know what all this bull is about his buying a 'grimoire' book of spells for 'Sister Patricia'? I don't get it, sire. Did any of this crap happen to us or not?" asked a bewildered 'Lt Keller'. The two girls were apparently to share exec officer duties under the now forgiven 'Captain Aizen'!

"Shall we go for a stroll around the city now that the snow's let up, 'Trish'?" I asked and the 'flying nun' dashed into her bedroom to change. The things kids wear these days! I was a trifle embarrassed to be seen in public with a schoolgirl wearing a dirty 'Mars Marauders' sweatshirt, torn black corduroy slacks, no socks, scuffed sneakers and a 'Saints Presaerve Us!' warm-up jacket. At least, she had opted for a multi-coloured headband instead of her starched grey cornet nun's hat. Thank Kami for small favours huh?

"Hey! Looky there, 'Jojo'. An old-fashioned magic shop." she said.

"Wanna go in and browse around, kiddo?" I asked, but she declined. Funny, but I had the strangest feeling of having been here before with 'Trish'. My mind must be playing tricks on me, I guess. (AN: Deja Vu perhaps?)

We wandered through several old museums and a huge cathedral where 'Trish' insisted on crossing herself and genuflecting several times before she anointed her own forehead and mine with the 'holy water' from a basin. One of the deacons whispered to me that they had run out of the real 'holy water' last month and that he had substituted 'river water'. He explained this when I said that i felt uncomfortable using Catholic 'holy water' when I was not of their faith. I am 'C of E' (Episcopalian) since I was born in London and lived most of my early life in the UK on ancient Terra.

"OK. We're here now, 'Mr Piccolo'. 'Alphonse' is helping 'King Bradley' with the luggage. What's all this stuff about forming a 'Dispelling Circle'?" asked 'Edward Elric' aka the 'Fullmetal Alchemist' when he walked into our suite at the 'Hotel Splendide' on Mars.

"Hmmn. I vaguely recall putting in a comm relay signal for someone, but now my mind's a blank, Ed. This make any sense to you, 'Whis'?" asked the big green Namekian.

"Not a clue. Well, as long as you and the rest of our guests are here, let's have a party. 'Bulma' and 'Chi Chi' and her dad (The 'Ox-King') are great at putting together shindigs for us. Back from your walk already, 'Jojo'? What do you and 'Sister Pat' think of 'Moravian City'?" asked 'Lord Whis' who was finishing his fifth plate of spaghetti and meatballs.

"I dunno. I had the strangest feeling that I had been on that walk before, milord. Oddly, 'Trish' did too. Weird huh?" I said.

"Deja vu (Day-ha voo), my boy. It is quite common, you know? I must prepare a paper about it someday to read to the 'Royal Scientific Society', don't you know? My 'Dynamics of an Asteroid' went over quite well there, did it not, Mr Holmes?" said 'Professor James Moriarty' who was enjoying a newly replicated cigar. "I always smoke a cigar before dinner." he added, puffing out acrid blue smoke which caused me to cough.

"Several after dinner cigars, if I recall aright, professor." said Dr Watson who was contentedly befouling the aether with horrible smelling pipe tobacco. The vidphone buzzed and 'Solar Pons' answered it while he was lighting his cigarette.

"Hullo? Yes. No, not at the moment, sir. May I take a message for Messrs 'Thornton' and 'MacGyver'? Unh huh. 'Move up rook during our chess hunt.' Eh? Yes. I have it. What name, sir? Very well. Thank you and goodbye." 'Mr Pons' hung up and began tapping keys on the 'message' PDO unit beside the strange looking telephone.

"What an unusual message indeed." observed the professor.

"Yes, very strange." agreed 'Dr Lyndon B Parker' who was 'Mr Pons's partner.

" Oh, 'Holmes' will be able to decipher it. He's a whiz at cryptograms you know?" said 'Dr Watson', puffing more obnoxious fumes into the aether from his pipe.

"Someone looking for me? I've been for an after dinner walk. Did you know, Watson, that the wax museum on 'Battlestar Boulevard' has both of us on display? You and 'Parker' are there as well as you, my dear professor." chuckled the tall Victorian gentleman wearing a strange 'deerstalker' cap.

"I say. A message eh? For me, 'Pons'? No, for our other Terran friends from California. 'Mr Thornton' and young 'Mr MacGyver'." said 'Mr Holmes', his blue eyes sparkling. The 'game was afoot'.

"Bit of a puzzler, eh 'Holmes'?" chortled 'Dr Watson'. His friend merely smiled and tossed it to me.

"A schoolboy cypher, 'Watson'. I fancy that even young 'Jojo' here can read it. What's the message, lad?" asked 'Mr Holmes' and I glanced at it and shrugged my shoulders.

"Dunno, sir. I think I know what it says, but it makes no damned sense at all, sir." I said. It was really too easy, but the deciphered word meant not one damned thing to me!

"Who called in the message, 'Pons'?" asked 'Dr Parker'.

"No idea, old boy. He just said that 'Mr MacGyver' and 'Mr Thornton' know him very well. Dashed strange indeed." replied' Mr Pons'.

"There is nothing like a brisk stroll through the streets after a good dinner." said 'Mr MacGyver'.

"So long as you like freezing to death, there ain't!" complained 'Mr Thornton'.

"Message for you on the table there. On that gadget by the telephone, gentlemen." chuckled 'Mr Holmes'.

"Hmmn. Darned silly. Some fool's idea of a joke?" said 'Mr Thornton', but 'Mr MacGyver' had gone deathly pale.

"NO! I can't be! It just can't! He's got to be dead this time, dammit! How many times do we have to kill him, Pete?" snarled 'Mr MacGyver', tossing the PDO unit at the wall. 'Lord Whis' deftly caught it before it was shattered and placed it on the table.

"Who? Who the devil are you talking about, 'Mac'?" asked a puzzled 'Mr Thornton', glancing again at the message. "So? Nonsense and gibberish. Nothing to get upset over, 'Mac'." he added.

"Read it again, Pete. Not the whole message. Just the first letters of the words." replied a severely shaken 'Mr MacGyver'.

"Oh no! It can't be! Not here! Not now! Surely this is someone's idea of a joke?" said 'Mr Thornton' who looked a bit peakish.

"Uh, who's this 'Murdoch' fellow?" I asked, innocently.

"A bad guy me and Pete tangled with quite a few times in the past back on Earth, Jojo." explained 'Mr MacGyver'.

"I thought sure that last time that he had been killed in that rocket fuel plant explosion, 'Mac'." said 'Mr Thornton'.

"So did I, Pete. So did I." replied 'Mr MacGyver'.

"Apprently not, gentlemen. Do let us know if we can be of assistance." offered 'Mr Pons', stubbing out his cigarette. He was about the only one who bothered to use ash trays; the others simply threw their butts on the floor and ground them into the carpeting. The 'cleaner 'droids' were kept very busy in our suite.

"But, if he's here on Mars, how did he get here, 'Mac'?" asked Pete. 'Mr MacGyver' turned to 'Mr Pons'.

"Is there any way to trace that phone call?" he asked. 'Trish' had been floating across the room and now she landed beside me.

"Nope. The 'scrambler' was on. See that blue light on the vidphone? If that's on, it automatically erases the comm relay signal's source. However, since the range is only a few hundred thousand kilometres (Both 'Mr MacGyver' and 'Mr Thornton' were in shock. The rest of us merely grinned or smiled), it's a pretty safe bet that this 'Mr Murdoch' is somewhere on Mars, maybe even in 'Moravian City' itself." explained our 'flying nun'.

"Should we call in the 3WA or the 'ISSP'?" I suggested. The big green man shook his head violently.

"No! Not the 'ISSP' cops at least. I'll comm relay 'Mr Garner' to alert the patrols around Mars though. What does this guy look like?" asked Piccolo who had picked up the vidphone.

"That's a good one! What does 'Murdoch' look like?" chuckled 'Mr Thornton'.

"Yeah, a good one, Pete. He can look like anyone- male or female and he can change his voice to match his disguise. OK, he's about 5 feet 9 inches tall, weighs around 165 pounds, has short black hair and laughs like a hyena in heat. That's about all I can tell you, Piccolo. I've only seen him up close a few rimes without his make-up and wigs. But, he's really dangerous, a very deadly assassin skilled in using any and all weapons. Pete thinks that he may be a former CIA 'black ops' leader and we know that he's worked for the 'KGB' and the 'FBI' as an 'eliminator', a hired killer. He's nobody to mess around with, man." said 'Mr MacGyver'.

"Kami help the fool if he ever tangles with 'Reds' or even the 'Vacuumhead'." chortled Piccolo, tapping in voice codes and asking for the duty officer on call. "Hullo? Who's this? 'Major Woollsey'? OK. This is Piccolo. The Namekian? The big green guy? Yeah, now ya got it. Contact 'Garner'. Tell him to get a signal to the patrols around Mars. They are to look for a guy named 'Murdoch'. Here's his description. Terran male, 5/9, 165, short black hair, dunno his eye colour. Oh and he laughs like a hyena. Huh? Detain and hold. No. He's as dangerous as 'Lord Vicious' so don't try to take him alone. Right, a mad dog killer. Any questions, have 'Garner' tell 'em to contact 'MacGyver' or 'Thornton' here on Mars. 'Hotel Splendide' on 1417- 'Kant Suite'. Yeah, you got it, major. Piccolo out." The big green man tossed down the vidphone and sat down heavily.

"What the Hell does HQ want now?" demanded 'Captain von Kleist' who was commanding the 'Coriander'. His starship was patrolling the area of Eastern Mars, closest to 'Moravian City'.

"We are to watch out for a guy named 'Murdoch', an Earther from the 20th Century or the 21st. Little guy 5/9, 165, black and unknown colour eyes, laughs like a hyena. In same class as 'Vicious', a hunter-killer. Detain and hold for questioning. 'Charlie' (Garner) says that there's reports of a 'shuttle' being swiped from a rental shop just outside of 'MC'. A grey and blue one. Registered as 'Voorhees 12'-" explained his exec, a 'Ryvolian' female, '1st Lt Zelda Koxx'. Her 3 metres height made her easily the tallest member of the crew.

"You say grey and blue, 'Zelly'? 'Voorhees 12'? Got him! About 3 clicks (3,000 metres) to our North. Want me to tractor him, sir?" asked the scanning officer, another girl. 'Warrant 4 Felicia Nielsen' was a native 'Shimougan' barely 5/3 in height.

"Make it so, 'Fel'. Security detail to the transporter room. Arrest the shuttle's operator and toss him in the brig." growled the big Dutchman commander. "Oh, yes and 'Ensign Reilly'? Better comm relay HQ to call of the dogs. Tell 'em that we've got the little pest." he added and the comm relay Irishman grinned.

"Guess they'll know for sure we're on the ball, Cap." replied 'Ensign Sean Reilly'.

"I have diplomatic immunity. I am 'Senator Fidgett' from 'Alderaan'." shouted an irate little man when he was unceremoniously yanked from his seat and tossed into a brig cell. The security chief, a big 'Troglodyte' dinosaur roared with laughter and pointed his cigar at 'Murdoch'.

"Since when do 'senators' commit 'grand theft shuttlecraft' on Mars? You're a bit outta yer bailiwick, 'Mr Murdoch'." guffawed 'Sub-Subaltern Rafael Gleason', 'von Kleist's chief of security. 'Murdoch' sighed and extended his hands for the 'bracelets'.

"No need for 'forced beam cuffs' or 'shackles', laddie. Step across that yellow line on the floor and you'll git parbroiled." chuckled one of the security sergeants.

"That was fast work, 'Chief Garner', sir." said Piccolo when he took the comm relay signal a few hours later.

"Thank the new commander and crew of 'Kiva's (Nerese) old 'Coriander', milord. OK, they got damned lucky. I'm just glad that one of our 'Angels' didn't get to him first." replied the 'Territorial Sector Chief' of the 'Aquarian Galaxy' from his office in Eastern 'Shimougou'.

"Amen to that, sir. Piccolo out." said the big green guy and he sighed and hung up the vidphone.

"They've got 'Mr Murdoch'. He's being taken under heavy guard to 'Alderaan'. After we get rid of that damned 'Beast World' this weekend. Wonder where the Hell 'Q's gotten himself to today?" said Picollo. I, for one, was relieved. So were 'Mr MacGyver' and 'Mr Thornton' who were dancing a merry jig together.

"You called, milord?" said a voice from the aether and slowly 'Q', wearing an old sea captain's uniform, materialized in one of the fireside wing chairs. " Ahem. To anticipate your questions, both my 'Continuum' and the 'Logopolis' calculators are ready whenever that fool 'Beast World' decides to put in an appearance. I trust that 'Mr Garner' has followed my orders and has the patrols out with orders to report sighting this 'Beast' when they see it?" added 'Q' testily.

"Of course he did. Last sighting was off 'Gallifrey'. Garner wants to wait until it reaches the 'outer markers' of this world- Mars. Just be sure your guys are ready to draw it into 'X Space'. From its last trajectory, it should get to those 'outer markers' around noon tomorrow, give or take a few minutes either way." growled Piccolo who could not stand this foppish pest.

"Those 'few minutes either way' could toss it offcourse by as much as several thousand kilometres." replied 'Q' dryly.

"Then you might as well wait for it here with us." said 'Mr Holmes'.

"Then you have taken care of that little 'royal' problem, I take it?" asked 'Q' and I explained to him what had occurred as best as I could. He helped himself to java and crumpets and grinned. "I knew that you could do it, boyos and lady." he chortled.

"The fools! Thinking a simple force beam jail cell could keep ME confined! It was like taking candy from a baby. Then they very nicely left a new flightsuit in this marvelous shuttlecraft. Much better shape than that old piece of junk that I stole from that other idiot. Now, where was it that fool kid said that 'MacGyver' and 'Thornton' were staying on Mars? Oh yeah, a hotel in 'Moravian City'. Yes! 'Hotel Splendide', 'Kant Suite 1417'. Better get some directions." mused 'Murdoch'. He put the shuttle he'd swiped from the 'Coriander' on 'George'.

Then he made a comm relay signal to Mars. He picked up the ship's vidmike. "This is the 'Cinammon Sifter' calling Mars Contol. Over." he said in a fair imitation of 'Greg Wilcox's gravelly voice.

"Roger that, 'Sifter'. 'Moravian Tower' here. How can I assist you, sir? Over." crackled 'Sub-Ensign Maria Shale's lilting voice.

"I am new on the block, my dear lady. I am supposed to meet 'Mr MacGyver' and 'Mr Thornton' at their 'Splendide Hotel' suite, but I haven't got a clue how to get to it, madam. Could you please give me directions. Over." 'Murdoch' could imitate anyone's voice and he could be very persuasive when he had to be. This time was no exception. 'Maria' was like putty in the master's hands.

"Of course, sir. When you fly in through the 'weather barrier', turn starboard (right) and follow the 'Bradbury Highway' to 'Godolphin Lane'. Look for a very high red and green structure. That will be 'ISSP' HQ and the 'Hotel Splendide' is a grey building almost as tall catacorner to 'ISSP' HQ. If you like, I will comm relay the hotel desk that you are on your way, Mr-" said 'Maria'.

"Brief. 'Doctor Allan Brief'. Thank you, my dear. I am quite certain that I will be able to locate my associates. Do have a lovely day, Miss-" replied 'Murdoch'.

"It's 'Sub-Ensign', sir. 'Subby Maria Shale', 'Martian Air Command'. Anything else, sir? Over." answered the cute buxom blonde teenager.

"Thank you, my dear child. No, I think that will be all that I will need. Perhaps we could have some java and doughnuts together after my meeting? I really am a nice chap, mum. Over." said the old 'snake in the grass'.

"Sounds nice, sir. I go off duty at eight tonight. I'll leave word at the tower desk to let you in. See ya, 'Dr Brief'. 'Shale' out." she cooed sweetly.

"Brief out, my dear." he replied and made a mental note to swipe the codes for the 'weather barrier' from 'Maria's tower after he had disposed of his two nemeses. That new world he'd heard about- 'Victorine'- would be a great place to lay low for awhile and avoid this 'ISSP' and '3WA' police forces.

Finding the hotel was easy peasy. He followed the 'Bradbury Highway' to 'Godolphin Lane', located the 'ISSP' monstrosity and just across the esplanade plaza, there was the gaudy facade of the drab structure, 'Hotel Splendide', whose roof was lost in the clouds!

"Damnation! And I thought that the 'Burj Khalifa' in 'Dubai' was tall! That thing's a bloody monster! Let's see, now. What would this illustrious 'Dr Allan Brief' look like. He set to work and after a few minutes, 'Murdoch' resembled the late ancient Terran actor 'George Zucco' complete with 'Van Dyke' beard and 'Doug Fairbanks Jr' mustache. He used the 'replicator' he had found aboard the 'Coriander' and created a superb dark 'Saville Row' suit, tie, gaiters and shoes. He popped a black 'topper' on his head, spun his sword cane a few times and comm relayed the hotel desk. The girl on duty told him to 'dock' on the hotel's roof in Slot Z-1212. Then he was to take the lift (voice controlled) to the 1417th level and the 'Emanuel Kant' suite would be directly across from him. Yes, he was expected. 'Murdoch' thanked the damsel profusely, made another date which he had no intention of honouring and hung up.

"Who the Dickens is this 'Dr Allan Brief'?" wondered 'Pete Thornton' when he had hung up the vidphone.

"Doesn't ring a bell, Pete. Any of you guys know a 'Dr Allan Brief'?" asked 'MacGyver' and Piccolo let out an oath.

"Pardon my Universal. 'Dr Brief' is Bulma's dad and Vegeta's father-in-law. However, his first name is 'Albert', not 'Allan'. Besides, he's still doing a water study on 'Namek 2' and isn't due back before 'Thanksforgiving Day'." said the big green guy.

There was a peal from the suite's klaxon, 'Trish' yelled 'Come in' and 'George Zucco' was standing in their sitting room, beaming from ear to ear. He swept off his 'topper' and kissed 'Trish's hand. "How do you do, my lovely nymph. Forgive me, gentlemen and lady. Ah, my dear colleagues, 'Mr MacGyver' and 'Mr Thornton'. Have you solved your chess problem yet?" said the newcomer. Suddenly, I blurted out the answer to the deciphered message.

"I've got it! 'Murdoch'!" I yelped and suddenly our guest's smile vanished. So did the puzzled looks on 'Mr MacGyver' and 'Mr Thornton's faces. 'Dr Brief' was busily removing his glasses, beard and mustache. Standing before us was an impeccably dressed short gentleman and in his hand he held a lethal looking swordblade which, a second ago, had been a Malacca walking stick cane. He made a snatch and his free arm was encircling 'Trish's pretty throat.

"Careful, fools! I could quite easily sever this lovely bird's white throat so back off, boyos. This time, you will both die, 'MacGyver', 'Thornton'! You have impeded me for the very last time, gentlemen! Prepare to meet thy maker!" howled this madman and I shot a beam of 'Hamon' at his sword hand. He howled in pain, dropped the sword and 'Trish' stomped on his foot and flew into 'Dr Watson's arms.

I was about to finish off this cowardly cur with another 'Hamon' blast when Piccolo laid him low with a single punch! He turned to 'Dr Watson' who was comforting our 'flying nun' who was sobbing into his vest.

"Call the 'Coriander' and ask them if they are missing anything, Doctor." growled the big green Namekian'.

"How did he find us, 'Mac'?" asked 'Mr Thornton'.

"And how did he get from the 'Coriander' to Mars I wonder?" added 'Mr MacGyver'.

"They are sending a shuttle for this young laddie. 'Captain von Kleist' is missing a shuttlecraft and I would bet my boots that it's docked up on the roof, gentlemen. There, there. Dry your eyes, my dear and go and change your frock. 'Holmes' and I are taking you out on the town this evening, my dear. Best truss him up. Will you do the honours, Jojo? Well, I could do with a drink." said 'Dr Watson'.

"We both want to thank you for stopping 'Murdoch', guys. However, can we trust those guys he escaped from to get him to wherever?" asked 'Mr MacGyver'.

"Just where are they taking him?" added 'Mr Thornton'.

"He will be taken to 'Alderaan' to answer for his crimes before the 'High Senate' at 'Kurestan'. I fear that his sentence may be quite severe. In all likelihood, if he escapes the death verdict, he will be sent to 'Seto Kaibo' for many years. That is a penal colony world at the edge of this Universe, some billions of 'lightys' (light years) from civilization." explained Picollo.

"Oh, I'm afraid that won't do, sir. He must be returned to Earth for trial. I don't like him either, but he still deserves legal counsel and a fair trial." said 'Mr Thornton'.

"Yeah, like Pete says, he may be a fiend, but he still deserves a fair trial with good counsel." added 'Mr MacGyver'.

"And that is just what he will get, 'Mr Thornton', 'Mr MacGyver'. He will have the best defense possible." said 'Mr Pons'.

"And who might that be, 'Mr Pons'?" asked 'Mr MacGyver'.

"That would be me, gentlemen." said 'Mr Mason'. He, 'Miss Della Street', 'Mr Ham Burger', 'Lt Arthur Tragg', 'Mr Paul Drake' and 'Mrs Yancey Drew-Drake' had just arrived. I remembered belatedly that 'Dr Parker' had invited them over for a night of 'whist', a card game popular in Victorian Britain back on ancient Terra.

"We just got the word from 'Mr Garner'. 'Arthur' will arrest this 'Murdoch' character and I will prosecute him. 'Perry' will defend him ably assisted by 'Della', 'Yancey' and 'Paul'." explained 'Mr Hamilton Burger'.

"I received my summons to defend him before the 'High Senate' in 'Kurestan'. We dropped by to tell you that we'll have to take a rain check on 'whist' night. We must leave for 'Alderaan' in the morning and I have briefs to prepare as do 'Hamilton' and 'Arthur'. I'm afraid that you and 'Pete' will be accompanying us as witnesses, 'Ang-', I mean 'MacGyver'. Now, where's 'Q' gotten himself to, I wonder?" said 'Mr Mason'. (AN: A half clue to 'Mr MacGyver's Christian name.)

"Right here, Counselor. I get to be judge. Oh, I almost forgot. My 'Continuum' and the 'Logopolis' calculators have managed to shove the 'Beast World' into 'X Space' so there's no reason why we cannot leave Mars in the morning. I strongly suggest that everyone in this suite and its other inhabitants accompany us aboard the 'Corander' tomorrow morning when we leave for 'Alderaan'. Ah! Tea. I missed dinner. Well? Who's going to offer me some tea and cakes?" said 'Q' and 'Trish' ran for the tea tray.

The portals swished open and a very angry 'Mrs Bulma Brief' stormed into the suite. She poured a tumbler of whiskey and downed half of it in one swallow.

"Did ya hear what just happened, man? I was all set to go 'dragon ball' huntin' tomorrow when the word came in that 'ShenRon's dark skies and holy flames had been seen somewhere over 'Kagura'. I got a pal who works for 'KASP' (Kaguran Air & Space Patrol) and she told me that one of the soul reapers, a former captain named 'Aizen', had collected the balls, summoned 'Shenny' and used up all three wishes! Now he's a member in good standing with the 'Seretai' again and poor 'Mrs Joestar's gotta wait a whole 'nother year to get brought back to life! Sorry, Jojo. Tough break, kiddo. Anyone else feel like tyin' one on, man? I'm buyin'." 'Mrs Brief' was beginning to slur her words. Everyone was sad for me except Piccolo.

"Oh, I dunno about that, Bulma." he said.

"Huh? O' course she's gotta wait. 'Shenny' grants three wishes annually and then no more, man." she replied angrily.

"Of course, 'ShenRon' has granted HIS three wishes, but how about 'Porunga'?" said the big green guy from 'Namek'.

END of Chapter 15. Chapter 16 'Namek Excursion' or 'Trial Tactics' to follow soon. This time posting it before the British Open will be our goal. Both the Keiman and the rest o' Your Friendship Team wanna thank all of ya fer yer loyalty, support and suggestions. We really appreciate it, man. R/R/S away and we'll see ya soon.- Story Teller Guy.


	16. Ch 16 'Namek Excursion'Trial Tactics'

VOV Chapter 16 'Namek Excursion' or 'Trial Tactics'

DISCLAIMER: Hullo there, everyone! Been a long time, hasn't it? Sorry, I am Brigadier Bob Hogan. I have arrived at Victorine HQ with an important message. However, it's my turn to do the honours so-

We want to thank Mr Haruka-San Takachiho and every other creator whose creations we have used, may use or are using. Without their consents, we would be unable to share our adventures with you, would we? Of course, anyone who wants to use any of our own creations and OCs- go ahead so long as we get our due credit for them. Now on with the show!

"What the Hell are you talking about, 'Lord Piccolo', sire?" I asked.

"And what, pray tell, is a 'Porunga', sir?" Solar Pons wanted to know.

"What have I told you about your language, Joseph?" scolded Mother who had suddenly materialized beside me.

Piccolo laughed. "Every world in this galaxy, or almost every one, has a Namekian 'guardian'. 'ShenRon' is this part of the galaxy's, but 'High Elder Nails' became 'Namek's 'guardian' when the 'Grand Elder' went on to 'Otherworld'. Each of our 'guardians' creates a 'wish dragon' whose being exists the rest of the year inside the golden 'dragon balls'. To release him, all seven balls must be gathered together. Then the dragon is summoned to grant wishes.

"On 'Namek', this dragon is 'Porunga'. However, since 'Porunga' understands only the 'Namekian' tongue, only a 'Namekian' like myself can summon him and ask for the wishes. 'Shenny' grants 3, but Porunga will grant 4 per annum. There's no reason why 'Bulma' cannot use her 'Lady Foucault' timeship to travel to 'Namek', collect the balls and allow me to summon 'Porunga'. Like 'Shenny', 'Po' can easily restore 'Mrs Joestar' to life. Has anyone seen 'Bully' of late?" explained the big green guy.

"Hello! Who do you think I am, chopped liverwurst, man?" grumbled the blue-haired bombshell, leaping to her feet from the hearth rug where she had been toasting marshmallows for 'S'mores'.

"Sorry, 'Bully'! I didn't see you down there playing with the fire." chortled Piccolo and she glared daggers at him.

"Well? Mum? Would you be willing to take us to this 'Namek' place? Please, mum?" I asked humbly.

"Sure, but only if that green goblin there stops calling me 'Bully'. I am not 'Teddy Roosevelt' charging up that Terran 'San Juan Hill'. OK. Get packed up. Anyone that's goin' with us, meet me at the spaceport tower in an hour. If ya ain't there, I'll leave ya behind." growled 'Mrs Brief'.

"How long will the trip take, madam? I mean, how many months or monthlets as they say here?" asked 'Dr Lyndon Parker' who always went with 'Mr Pons' the same as 'Dr John Watson' always accompanied 'Mr Holmes' on his journeys.

"First time it took a whole monthlet, but now that I've tweaked up the 'Lady F', we can get there in a few days." replied Bulma Brief.

"Five mouths dropped wide open and mine was the fifth! I knew that this 'Namek' was not on any vidstar map I had seen. Ever!

"My home world of 'Namek' is at the far end of the 'Aquarian Galaxy'. That is why it does not appear on any 3WA vidstar charts or maps, Jojo. Better get crackin'. 'Bully' is not kidding. If you ain't there in an hour, she'll leave without ya. I'd better round up Vegeta and Goku, Gohan, Videl and GoTen." said Piccolo.

"Don't forget us, man!" yelped 'Pan', dragging 'Trish' to her feet. The 9 year old 'Pan' had become fast friends with teenaged 'Trish'.

"If GoTen's going, so am I!" yelled 'Bra', 'Trunks's younger sister. Their parents were the Briefs- Vegeta and Bulma. 12 year old 'Bra' had a crush on 11 year old 'GoTen'. Her brother 'Trunks' was almost 14.

"Count me in, man! Mars is the pits!" piped in 'Trunks'.

"Then go and find your fathers and mothers, kids. We leave with 'Bully' in an hour." growled Piccolo and the kids scooted off to find Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Chi Chi, Videl and Grandfather 'Master' Roshii who was vacationing with 'Master Korin', a huge orange cat that reminded me of 'Garfield' from the funny pages.

"Better see if 'Mr Satan' (Videl's Daddy and Gohan's father-in-law) and 'Buu' ('Mr Satan' had adopted the now good guy 'Majin Buu' who had reverted to his overgrown child form) want to come along?" growled Piccolo.

"Where does this new elder, 'Nails' live on 'Namek', Piccolo?" asked 'Bulma' who had fished out an old vidmap of 'Namek'. The thrusters were warming up and the 'Lady F's afterburners were howling in the background so that Bulma had to almost scream to be heard.

"Stop yellin', girl! I can read minds, ya know? Hmmn. Dunno exactly where 'Nails' is hangin' his hat these days. Somewhere in the 'Nimrod Hills' was where he wanted to relocate." replied Piccolo. Suddenly, Bulma looked worried.

"Hills? Those 'hills' make the 'Himalayas' look like 'Mt Nittany' in old Terran's American state of Pennsylvania-Maryland!" shouted Bulma.

(AN: In the 23rd Century, the 55 American 'states' had mostly been combined except for the largest- 'New Old York' on the Eastern seacoast. Thus the miniscule state of 'Maryland' had been combined with the much larger 'Pennsylvania' which was sometimes called 'Pennmar' for short. 'Mt Nittany' was more an overgrown wooded hill than a 'mountain' per se).

"A friend of mine runs a travel bureau at the foot of 'Mt Virgil'. Put us down there. Here, let me see your vidchart. Yup. See that dot? That's 'Zagreb's place. There's a big meadow between his place and the mountain base. Plenty of room to touch down, 'Bulma'. Wonder what's keepin' 'Korin' and 'Roshii'?" said Piccolo and Bulma's face went very red indeed.

"Don't tell me that lecher's here too and that infernal cudgel wielding cat? Who invited them, man?" snarled Bulma.

"I did. 'Roshii's on vacation with 'Korin' and I need 'Korin' to convince 'Nails' to allow us to seek the dragon balls and summon 'Po'. It would've been most impolite not to invite 'Master Roshii' to accompany us. I know he's a little bit rambunctious, Bulma, but he means well." replied Piccolo.

"Means well? A bit rambunctious? Last time he visited us, he spied on me in the shower and pinched my bum when I was serving dinner! OK. You wanted him, you got him, but he's your responsibility, Piccolo. 'Eloise' is coming with us and so is her hubby and daughter ('Krillin' and 'Marron') and I don't need to use any graphical arts to illustrate what will happen if the old fool gets fresh with '18', do I?" snapped Bulma. Dunno about 'Lord Piccolo', but I had seen firsthand what happened to guys who 'got fresh' with that spitfire!

"Jojo, make yerself useful. Load the rest of those 'dilythium oxide' fuel cells aboard for me. Then get everyone's gear stowed away. Hurry up, kid!" yelled Bulma and I took off running despite Mother's trilling in my head to stop running before I fell down and fractured something.

"So this is 'Kurestan' huh? It reminds me of the 'Kasbah' in 'Casa Blanca'." said Della Street who was gazing out on the 'Old Republic' capitol city from the balcony in the suite she was sharing with Perry, Paul, Yancey, Arthur and Hamilton.

(AN: Although Paul and Yancey are married and Perry and Della are engaged and have set the date, for this trip, everyone had his or her own boudoir).

"Very romantic, ain't it, Lover?" cooed Yancey Drew-Drake into Paul's ear.

"Wow! Perry, Hamilton, Arthur! Get a load of this fabulous golf links, man!" crowed Paul who was pulling up golf course scenes on his PDO unit.

"No time for sight-seeing, Paul. We have briefs to prepare, kids." said a business-like Perry Mason.

"We sure do. This time, Perry and this time, I intend to win, dammit." said Hamilton Burger.

"Damned hotel made me give up my 'gat' and I'm a cop!" sulked Arthur Tragg.

"Well, Della and I are going shopping. You old fuddy duddies can stay here and wash your dirty undies if you wanna. C'mon, Della. Got your vidcred chits? I'll be with ya in a sec after I change. I hate looking like a dad gum tourist." said Yancey, frowning at her husband.

"OK, Lovey. Give. I need some money, Perry darling." cooed Della and her fiancee automatically tossed her his vidcreds chits wallet while he was perusing the charges on vid-docs. Hamilton Burger grinned and lit a cigarette from the ornate table lighter that resembled the starship from which they had deplaned an hour ago.

"I want both of you back here by lunchtime, ladies. Remember, Mrs Drew-Drake, that you are here as my 'Gal Friday'. I'll have letters to dictate for you to type up for me." Hamilton reminded his temporary secretary.

"That goes for you as well, Della. Besides my fiancee, you are also my confidential secretary. Oh and keep your vidcellphone turned on while you and Arthur are playing golf, Paul. I may need you." said Perry, ticking ash from his cigar into the ashtray.

"I know, Boss. I'll keep mine turned on too. Shall we go, Paul?" said Arthur Tragg, hefting his golf bag.

"Better phone for a 'holotaxi', dear heart. That golf course ain't around the corner ya know." called Yancey who had changed into a lovely gold 'caftan' and a matching head scarf. Della had opted for her black pantsuit, boots and Fedora.

"Don't buy out the stores, Yancey. My name is not 'Galadriel'." growled Paul Drake. Hamilton and Arthur exchanged a chuckle since both gentlemen were perpetual bachelors.

(AN: I know that on ancient Terran TV, Lt Arthur Tragg was married with kids, but I prefer he and Hamilton to be bachelors).

"Shop sensibly, Della. Have a nice time." advised the counselor.

Perry and Hamilton, left to themselves, were deep into their briefs to be presented at the trial.

"Perry? Can you see any sense in these people's laws not including a pre-trial hearing or an arraignment of charges beforehand?" asked the famous prosecutor. He crumpled an empty packet of 'Galaxy Kings' and tossed it into a passing cleaning 'droid's maw. Unlike Arthur, Hamilton was very fussy about neatness.

"Can't say that I do, Hamilton. However, the law is the law and, as court officers of those laws, we are duty and honour bound to observe those laws. I must admit that I miss the hearing myself and the formal arraignments." replied Perry.

"Don't I know it! How many times have you solved the case and cleared your client at those hearings, Perry?" chuckled Hamilton, topping off their java mugs. There was an insistent pulling at the klaxon cord.

"Drat! I told Mrs Drew-Drake to tell that desk clerk kid that we were not to be disturbed. Who is it?" called Hamilton irritably, his hand on the suite's portal panel latch.

"Pardon me, sir. 'Chief Senator Alzarios', sir. I have a few vid-docs that may be of use to yourself and to Mr Mason, sir." said a squeaky high-pitched voice from the hotel hallway. Hamilton hit the panel and the portals swished aside to admit a very short and very fat 'Zyljazian' gentleman wearing pure white ceremonial senatorial robes.

"These will allow you to be more familiar with our system of legal jurisprudence, sirs. Oh yes and I have taken the liberty of having your own 'counseltorial' robes sent up for you gentlemen and your two good ladies, Mistresses Street and Drake. They will be in court, will they not? (Hamilton nodded) Excellent. As you have already been told, although evildoers are allowed legal counseling, they are still considered to be guilty unless proven to be innocent at the conclusion of their trials. Something wrong, 'Prosecution Counsel Chief' Burger?" said the senator. He sounded quite concerned when both of the legal eagles' mouths dropped open.

"Guilty?" said an astonished Perry Mason.

"Unless proven innocent?" finished an astounded Hamilton Burger.

"That is correct. We trust our intergalactic police forces to have already determined the evildoer's guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt before he or she or it is handed over to 'Alderaan' for trial. Oh, one more item, gentlemen." explained 'Lord Alzarios'.

"There's more?" yelped Hamilton, upsetting his java mug which was promptly replaced by a server 'droid while a 'bus' 'droid cleaned up the mess. Perry hid a grin.

"I understand that both of you gentlemen are quite well known for objecting during a trial. 'Lord Q' has yet to sustain an objection, or rather, I do not recall his sustaining one during my 927 solar years as 'High Officer of the Court of Kurestan'." said the Yoda-like gentleman.

This time, Perry's java mug dropped from his hand to the floor. Swift as lightning in the day, 'Lord Alzarios' caught it and restored the mug to the table. Not a drop had been spilled.

"Oh my! You believe myself to be ancient, do you not? 'Lord Q' is many eons my senior. In fact, many of my brother and sister senators are much older than I am, gentlemen. Oh dear. I feel a storm brewing. I fear that Mr Drake and Mr Tragg shall not finish their golf game today. Aha! Mistress Street has just flagged down a 'holotaxicab' for herself and for Mistress Drake. They may just beat the storm back to the hotel.

"Your pardons I beg! Almost everyone I know has 'mind speak' as do many of your own ladies including Mistresses Drake and Street. You should really train your own cranial organs for 'mind speak'. It comes in quite handy. For example, there is no necessity for swearing in a witness to tell the truth. We can easily detect a falsehood when it first takes form inside a testifier's head. Must dash. Your robes will be delivered this afternoon. Your servant, gentlemen. Good day." The portal swished shut behind their visitor and Hamilton dug out a bottle of Skotch whiskey and Perry joined him in a drink.

The skies blackened and then exploded. On Terra, storms are gradual in violence. Not so on 'Alderaan'. The heavens opened and a deluge began. A few minutes later, two drowned river rats, lovely river rats, dashed into the suite, shucking off rain soaked outer garments and brellies enroute to their adjoining bedrooms to change.

"I was that close to an 'eagle'! Then the rains came and washed away my ball and the green! Guess this round is yours, Art." fumed Paul Drake. He and Art Tragg were drenched to the skin. A server 'droid relieved them of slickers, rain hats and golf club bags.

"Let's call it a draw, Drake. I know that I couldn't have sunk that last three footer, my boy. Ah, hot java. Just the ticket, Boss." said the 'Victoria City Rangers' Captain.

"Have our better halves come back from buying out the malls yet, Perry?" asked Paul. Right on cue, Della and Yancey returned to the sitting room wearing flowered kimonos and head scarves.

"Ya miss me, my big old fluffy 'Teddy Bearikins'?" cooed Yancey, kissing her hubby on his forehead.

"How about you, 'Snooky Ookums'? Get some work done, dearest?" asked Della, kissing her fiancee's cheek.

"Art and me were almost drowned on the 15th green!" howled Paul.

"Amen to that, Drake." agreed Arthur.

"Della and me got wet rear ends when that fool cabbie dropped us off at the far end of the roof! Delly's stockings are ruined. Good thing I was wearin' socks, man! Hey! Damnation! (Hamilton flinched. He detested profanity, especially when a lady was on the opposite end of an oath) Delly! That jackanapes cabbie forgot to unload our goodies! Where's the phone? I gotta call-" snarled Yancey Drew-Drake. Della pointed to Yancey's kimono which had opened to reveal her unmentionables.

"Yancey! Stop displayin' the goods and get some clothes on, for cat's sake!" yelled her hubby while Hamilton, Perry and Art looked elsewhere.

"You too, Della. We've already had one distinguished visitor today. No telling who'll show up next." said a droll Perry, stubbing out his umpteenth cigar.

"Not to worry, Yancey dear. Your purchases will have been 'transported' to your bedroom and Della's by the parking dock attendant." said a voice inside of Yancey's mind. It was Mrs Elizabeth Joestar, Jojo's Mom's 'ghost' using 'mind speak'.

Hamilton explained about their unusual visitor. The girls were all agog when the 'counselorial robes' arrived and they just had to try on theirs. Perry and Hamilton were nowhere near that thrilled with theirs. Paul and Art laughed when they saw the robes until a valet 'droid arrived with theirs.

"Are you sure you know where we are, Boss? Ever since we got to this stupid planet, all I've seen are gigantic skyscrapers. Most of 'em are taller than our world's 'Mafia Auction HQ', man." sulked a disgruntled 'Machi'.

"I agree, Boss. Shouldn't we land and ask directions or call somebody for help, sire?" added 'Nobunaga Hazama' who was usually not hitting on all cylinders.

"Will you two relax? Before we escaped from that crackerbox brig we were in, I swiped one of their handheld tablets. Seems they're staying in some hotel called the 'Splendide' on Mars in a place called 'Moravian City'. That's the city we are now flying over, kiddies. Aha! See that sign on that building's roof below us? 'Hotel Splendide Parking Docks. Guests Only'. That's where we'll get some answers. When we land, you two grab whoever's in their 'Emanuel Kant' suite on Level 1417. We'll force them to show us how to get back to our world. Trust me on this. It'll be like taking candy from a baby." replied their 'Fearless Leader', 'Thane Chrollo Lucifer', commander of the feared 'Phantom Troupe' of 'Assassin Hunters'.

"What suite are you in, sir? I'll have your luggage 'transported' down. Ah! I see that you have been here before. The 'Coriander' is quite well known on Mars, sir. If you'll follow my speeder, we have reserved Dock Y-43 for you." said 'Parking Dock Attendant Harry Potter'.

(AN: Harry had asked for and had been granted a Mars visa vidpass and vidwork permit to be this hotel's parking dock attendant. He was bored with 'Damocles Towers' in 'Furool (Foo-Lon) City' in Eastern 'Shimougou'. It was no fun anymore with the 'Lovely Angels' always away on 'buyer' assignments. Of course, he had no idea that Donovan and O'Halloran whom he knew under fictitous names, were really 3WA 'tro-con' cops).

"Here. For yer trouble, kid." said 'Machi' when Harry had left them at the lift station below the roof. The girl 'Hunter' handed him a 500 'Glidget Note' worth about 20 credits in 'Universal' currency. Harry thanked the lady and pocketed the tip. Of course, he had never seen a 'Glidget' before, but then again, Harry had never seen a lot of the offworld currencies he was given in tips.

"Which level, please?" asked lift control politely. 'Machi' and 'Nobby' said '14' and '17' respectively.

"Well? Which is it, dammit? 14 or 17, Boss?" asked 'Machi'. Her Boss grinned.

"Both. Level 1417, please. 'Emanuel Kant' suite." he told lift control.

Whoosh! A few seconds later, they were standing outside of the suite. 'Nobby' covered the hallway while 'Machi' picked the portal latch. Her Boss was idly playing with a small orb of flame he had just materialized in his hand. 'Spirit bombs' were 'Luke's stock-in-trade. 'Machi' carefully eased back the portals and the trio crept into the darkened sitting room.

"Wonder where the lights are?" whispered 'Nobby'. Suddenly, the room was flooded with illumination!

"Bright enough for ya?" snapped Paul Drake while his better half quickly relieved them of their weapons.

"Nice jumpsuit, Honey. Get that at 'JT Minn's'?" said Yancey admiring 'Machi's outfit.

"Nah. 'Karrod's' on 'Lexington' back home, kiddo." replied 'Machi', raising her hands. Paul and Perry and Art were covering the trio. Della came in from the kitchen and took a small Mark III miniblaster from her desk drawer.

"These look like the loonies the Boss Lady told us about. They're supposed to be back on 'Victorine', ain't they?" asked Hamilton who decided that five guns on three was sufficient protection and pocketed his own ion cannon. Strange that in this time era, everyone always seemed to be armed.

(AN: Ironically, this suite of theirs was also called the 'Emanuel Kant' although this was not Mars, but 'Alderaan'. The hotel was also a branch of the same one they had left on Mars. Sorry, Harry Potter had recently been transferred from Mars to 'Kurestan' on 'Alderaan'. Please forgive us).

"We have friends on Mars, sir. If you let us go-" lied 'Lucifer' glibly. Paul and Art laughed.

"Only this is not Mars, 'Mr Lucifer'. This is 'Alderaan' where trials are conducted. You seem to have saved us the trouble of having you transported here to face the 'High Senatorial Council'. Paul, call security. I don't trust these three as far as I can throw them." said Hamilton Burger, fingering the Mark XIII in his jacket pocket. Yancey picked up the vidphone and spoke quietly for a few minutes.

"OK. The 'sergeant-at-arms' is coming up personally to escort these guys to the lock-ups. Della, find some 'force beam cuffs' and Paul and Art will help you to 'snap the darbies' on 'em." said Yancey and there was a grim edge to her voice.

"Sit down on that sofa, please. Please don't think that because I am an attorney that I won't fire. I was in the war." said Perry.

"No kiddin'? You were in the 'Clonic War', man? So was I. Which division sector?" asked 'Nobby'.

"He's from Earth, Stupid. He was in a war down there, not up here. Sheesh!" snarled 'Machi' while Della snapped ciffs on her wrists.

Art did the same with 'Nobby' and Paul slipped three pairs of cuffs on 'Chrollo Lucifer' while Perry covered them.

"Well, can't say I ain't glad that's over with, 'Cutie Pie'. Goodness! We'd better get din din started, Delly. I could eat a horse, man!" said Yancey. Paul wondered if the 'Alderaanians' did indeed include horseflesh on their menus. Nothing would surprise him about this strange world that looked like the Arabian 'Kasbah' in 'Morocco' which Paul had visited quite a few times back home on Earth.

The security squad had taken the trio of 'Hunters' into custody and quickly left. Perry and Art and Hamilton had returned to their briefs preparations. The girls were cooking dinner and Paul was stoking up the fire. The 'Kurestan' nights were very cold indeed.

The vidphone trilled and Della answered it. She listened for awhile and handed the vidphone to Perry. Perry said a few short sentences before hanging up. He looked worried.

"Paul! Yancey! Arthur! I have a job for you three. There's been a kidnapping. The daughter of the 'Supreme Commander', 'Mrs Leia Skywalker Organa Solo', has been taken. The ransom for her is the release of 'Young Khan' and his co-horts. We have been given a 72 hours grace period. Find her. All of the police forces' facilities and assistance are yours. We have carte blanche authority in this matter.

"However, 'Mrs Solo' will not release this arch-criminal nor any of his cronies, even at the cost of her own child's life. All particulars have been forwarded to your PDO units along with the photograph of 'Leanna Meredith Solo'. The child is nine years of age and quite pretty. Her father, 'Han Solo', has been notified of the situation and is on his way to 'Kurestan' in his 'Millennium Falcon'. Should you need offworld transport, he will pilot you. Yancey, go and see 'Mrs Solo'. Art, see what you can find out at 3WA HQ. Paul, nose around town. She was last seen at the marketplace.

"Hamilton? The trial has been postponed indefinitely. Your boss, 'Mrs Walker' (Alex Walker was 'Chief Ranger' Walker's wife and 'Victorine's first district attorney for 'Victoria City') is flying over from 'Vic' to confer with you and me. Della, get Jojo and his crowd back here. Then you had better get me permission to interview those three 'Hunters' who were just detained. Have the 3WA round up the rest of those 'Hunters' (Gon, Killua, Kuraptika, Leorio and Hisoka). They are the newest visitors we have had and they may know something about this mess. Use Garner's name if you have to- and Galadriel's. Hamilton and I will co-ordinate the search from here. Scoot!" ordered Perry and they vamoosed.

Hamilton and Perry and Della were discussing how best to proceed an hour later when the portals flashed aside and an angry 'Han Solo' stormed in trailed by his pals, 'Lando Calrissian' and 'Chewbacca' the 'Wookie'.

"Who the Hell kidnapped my 'Leanna', dammit? Where the Hell were her bodyguards, dammit to Hell?" yelled the rebel general.

"Please excuse our friend, Mr Mason, Mr Burger, Miss Street. He's been a nervous wreck since we heard about 'Leanna' and we rushed back here as soon as we could. Pardon my manners. I'm 'Lando Calrissian' and you know 'Chewie'. We are Han's ex-partners and we were with him during the 'Clonic Wars' and the rebellions. Thank heavens 'Ladraff' (He and 'Leanna' were twins) is off being trained by his 'Uncle Luke' (Skywalker. He is Han's brother-in-law and a 'Jedi Knights' trainer) out in the boonies." said the tall, thin black man. The 'Wookie' bleated out words that were unintelligible to the two counselors.

"Uh, 'Chewie' said that he's sorry for the commotion, but, as a father, he realizes what Han is going through right now." translated Della who had been taught 'Wookie' and 'Klingon' in a 3WA extracurricular training centre last monthlet while on 'Kagura' with Yancey.

"I suppose that I should think about picking up some of the local lingo, Della. Wouldn't hurt for Hamilton to learn some as well. Please sit down, gentlemen. Della, java all around, please. Please understand that we are doing all that can be done to find your child, Mr Solo. I've put Arthur, Paul and Yancey on the case and Della's contacted Garner, Galadriel and Jojo Joestar. I am afraid that all we can do is wait." said Perry.

"Wait? Surely we can do something, Mr Mason, sir? Oh, my poor 'Leea'!" cried 'Leia Skywalker Organa Solo' who had quietly materialized beside her husband. She too was a 'Jedi Knight' having been trained by 'Yoda' like her brother, Luke.

"No, 'Madam President'. There is nothing more we can do except wait to hear from the kidnappers again. Perry, has anyone called the spaceport tower yet? If we can keep them from taking her offworld-" suggested Hamilton Burger.

"That, at least, has been done. All offworld traffic has been cancelled and I have been assured that no transports have left 'Alderaan' since the discovery of the child's disappearance. The chances of them slipping past security before that is minimal, at best. Della, get 'Danny Dastun' on the horn. We need his 'KASP' (Kaguran Air & Space Patrol) squadrons to search the aether around the capitol. He's staying onworld in 'Kurestan'. Try 3WA HQ. 'Brigadier Aleister Crowley' and he are good friends." said Perry.

"If they hurt her, man-" snarled Han.

"I will personally use my light sabre on their genitalia!" screamed Leia.

"What! The trial has been postponed indefinitely? Whose fool idea was that, dammit?" snapped the Honourable Judge 'Q' when he arrived at the Senate Chambers of 'Kurestan'.

"I apologize, Honourable One, but the orders to postpone came from herself. After all, her child has been kidnapped to try and force our hand. 'Leanna Solo' is missing. She went shopping with her two bodyguards yesterday just before luncheon time. Her guards were found soundly trounced and bound in a back alley near the marketplace. That was at 3 PM yesterday. We immediately sealed 'Alderaan' and called in 'KASP' patrols to search the aether for the child to no avail. Mr Mason and his team are combing the countryside in and around 'Kurestan' for her, sir.

"Since the 'ransom' is the immediate release of 'Young Khan' and all of his confederates, 'Madam President' has ordered an indefinite postponement of the trial. I am very sorry for this inconvenience, Honourable One." explained the tearful young female 'Agrophian', 'Undersecretary of Trials' 'Jazeel Orongazaft'. 'Q' fumed and then used 'mind send' to contact his 'Continuum'.

"Not to fear, 'Jazzie'. My 'Continuum' is 'feeling' the Universes and we will soon locate these fiends and the fair young 'Solo' child. Tell me, is Pater here as well? ('Jazzie' wiped her eyes and nodded) Well then, when my people locate these creeps and the kid, Han can go and get her. Aha! That did not take long at all, 'Q 16'. Where? Of course, I know where it is, fool. If you know, I know. We all have the same mind.

"Hmmn. Getting in there may be quite difficult especially if Solo goes blundering in there like a bull in a china shoppe! ('Q' turned to 'Jazzie') She is being held in the 'Kilgarry Mts' just West of the capitol in a deep cavern. Proof that they have the child will reach her parents within the hour. I leave it to you to contact the Solo parents. They are at the Mason pad in 'Hotel Splendide' on Level 1417, the 'Emanuel Kant' suite. If you need me, just whistle, my dear girl." chortled 'Q' and he vanished in a puff of green smoke. What a show-off!

'Leanna Solo' awakened in a strangely cold room. She was lying on a bunk underneath several heavy blankets. Blinking in the harsh artificial illumination, she saw that the walls seemed to be made of solid rock. Her small 9 year old body was wrapped in a flowing robe that was miles too big for her tiny frame.

"Awake at last, huh kiddo? You'll find some food and drink on that small table beside the bunk. Might as well make yourself comfy. You're gonna be with us for awhile. I'll go and tell 'Lord Arras' that you're awake. Oh and you don't have to worry about your 'Uncles Oscar and Felix' (They were really 'Leanna's bodyguards). They, like you, were given some drugged soda pop. They were trussed up and left back on 'Alderaan' in an alley behind the market square." said the tall dark-haired woman who had been keeping watch over the child.

"Back on 'Alderaan'? Then where am I now, mum?" asked 'Leea' politely.

"That I am not permitted to tell you, kid. There's a remote for the vid TV beside your dinner. Please excuse me while I inform 'Lord Arras' that you have awakened. Oh and please don't try to leave this room. The guards do not share our habits of never taking lives. Besides, you'd freeze to death outside of the caverns. Be back soon, kiddo." said 'Lady Korrell'. Like her 'Master', she was a Gallifreyan. The time lady smiled, left the chamber and reset the locks.

"I would not wish to be you two if our charge escapes, gentlemen." she said to the two rough looking guards outside of the child's bedchamber. Then she trotted off to find her 'Master'.

"So she is awake at last, 'Korry'? ('Lord Arras's sister nodded) Then it is time to tell those fools what we really want for the child. (He turned to an older man in dark robes) 'Glade', contact the palace in 'Kurestan'. I will speak to her father, 'General Solo'." said 'Lord Arras'.

"What is it that you want, sir? I am sure Daddy and Mummy will give you whatever you need." said 'Leea's voice inside their minds.

"I forgot, Your Young Highness. You can also do 'mind speak', can you not?" said 'Lord Arras' aloud. He turned to his sister. "Bring the child to me in my library, 'Korry'. Perhaps she can help us. Quickly, Sis." he added.

"Of course, my dear brother. One moment, please." she replied and then she padded out of the control room of the huge cavern.

"You will put these on and come with me, 'Leanna'. My brother wishes to speak with you." said 'Korry', handing the child a warm flightsuit, socks and deck boots. As an afterthought, she fished out some underthings from a drawer and tossed them on the bunk. 'Korry' turned and faced the portals. "You need not worry. I will not peek, my dear." she added softly.

'Leea' dressed quickly and followed the older woman down the drafty corridors to a huge room carved out of solid rock. The walls were lined with dusty books and vidcharts. A tall elderly man smiled at her and waved them to chairs. 'Leea' sat down and sipped the warm cocoa that 'Korry' handed to her.

"You are an unusual child, 'Miss Solo'. However, you are quite correct. I could care less about this 'Khan' rascal. I only demanded his release to be sure that the 'Hunters' would also be summoned to search for you. I have need of their services. Have you ever heard of the 'Elixir of Longevity', my dear?" asked 'Uncle Arry'. 'Auntie Korry' produced some freshly baked (Not repped) cookies for the kid.

"Sure. It's a myth. There ain't no such thing, sir. You're sure that these sweets won't make Mummy mad? I am not supposed to eat sweets before dinner." said 'Leea' and 'Auntie Korry' smiled.

"Dinner is still hours away, kiddo. That was your luncheon I served you in bed earlier. Not all little girls mind their Mommies." said 'Korry'.

"Really, 'Korry'! It is not proper to interrupt when I am speaking. To continue, the 'Elixir' of which I speak is quite real. However, my home world of 'Gallifrey' is one of its few sources and the 'Sisterhood' that prepares it takes many centuries to do so." said 'Uncle Arry'.

"Unfortunately, my dear brother does not have many centuries to wait for it, my dear. As you may have guessed, we are time persons. Like your friend, the 'Doctor', my brother has reached his 12th 'regeneration' in his cycle and cannot 'regenn' anymore. Unlike the 'Master' and the 'Ranni', he will not take another's life just to extend his own. Therefore, the 'Elixir' is his only hope." explained 'Auntie Korry'.

(Could this be how the 'Doctor' was able to 'regenerate' a 13th time and return as a woman on the TV series now airing)?

"But, if that's so, there is no hope, is there, mum?" asked 'Leea' who was beginning to feel sorry for her new 'Uncle'. She was really a sweet child and not at all like her twin brother, 'Ladraff' who was always playing tricks on everyone.

"Ah, but there is, my child. Although 'Gallifrey' is the major source of this vital liquid, it is also available on other worlds. That is why we need the 'Hunters'. That is why I personally arranged for 'Gon', 'Leorio', Kuraptika', 'Killua', 'Machi', 'Nobunaga Hazama', 'Chrollo Lucifer' and 'Hisoka' to come through the 'Space/Time Continuum'. If anyone can find another 'Elixir' source in time, it is the 'Hunters'. These 8 are the cream of the crop. Get through to the general yet, 'Glade'? Good. Put me on speaker.

"Greetings! You may rest assured that we do not wish for 'Khan' nor any of his minions to be freed. By now, you should have received the clothing removed from 'Miss Solo'. The ransom is this. You will take the 'Hunters', all 8 of them, with you and find a world that produces the 'Elixir of Longevity'. The 'Doctor' can tell you all about it and why it is no longer available on 'Gallifrey'. Time is of the essence. The sooner you find this compound for me, the sooner you will be reunited with 'Leea'.

"When you find the 'Elixir', you will contact me at the code numbers on this comm relay signal. Do not waste your time trying to trace my signal because I am using a relay system. Then I will give you directions to where you will leave the 'Elixir'. When I have it safe and sound in my grasp, I will release the child and comm relay you where to find her. She is unharmed and you have my word that she will remain safe. The 'Doctor' knows that I speak the truth. You may speak with 'Leea' briefly. Say hi to your parents, my dear child." said a voice coming from nowhere and everywhere in the palace's throne room.

"Mummy! Daddy! I'm OK and 'Uncle Arry' and 'Auntie Korry'-" said 'Leanna Solo' before 'Glade' cut the feed.

"You know what you must do. I expect to hear from you soon. Thank you. Out." said the same voice as before.

"If you hurt my kid, I'll-" shouted 'Han Solo', but the palace comm relay officer shook his head.

"There is no longer a signal, sir." she said. "What are these 'Hunters', sir?" she added.

"We are the 'Hunters', madam. 'Hisoka', at your service. May I introduce 'Gon', 'Killua', 'Kuraptika', 'Leorio', 'Machi', Nobunaga' and 'Thane Chrollo Lucifer'. If something needs to be found, you will need us and now I see how and why we were brought to this time era and this system. Might I suggest that we waste no more time in idle chit chat. A child's life is at stake here." said the very tall blonde magician, picking a coin from behind 'Leia's ear.

"We'll use the 'Millennium Falcon'. 'Lando', 'Chewie'. Do a quick diagnostics check. I'll take the 'legal eagles', the 'Hunters' and a few of the palace guards. Where's the 'Doctor'? Anyone seen 'Old Scarfy' ('Doctor #4') around?" snapped 'Han Solo'. "No, dearest. You had best remain here in case we need anyone else. Don't worry. I'll bring our kid back safe. I swear it." he added.

"I just put my TARDIS aboard, Han. You need have no fear of 'Leea' being harmed. She's in good hands. Only a time lord or time lady can use the 'Elixir of Longevity' and only after their 12th 'regenn'. All of my people must speak the truth and none of us would ever think of taking any life. 'Uncle Arry' and 'Auntie Korry'? Could that be- no matter. I suggest that we try 'Maldongas Bentham Two' in the 'Ares System' first. I'll gather up the 'legal eagles' while you locate the other 'Hunters'. We'll meet at the 'Falcon' in an hour. Be quick, my friends." said the 'Doctor' who looked like he shopped at 'Goodwill' for his attire.

I should have told them to begin their hunt on 'Maldongas Bentham 2', 'Korry'. Thanks to your slip of the tongue, child, the 'Doctor' probably knows our true identities. No matter. I only pray they are in time. You see, my dear child, I am very near to the end of my 12th 'regeneration cycle' and I merely seek to prolong my lifespan by one more 'regeneration'. Time enough to find a cure for the malady affecting the calculators on 'Logopolis'. Unless I do, Creation will 'unmake' itself. I am not selfish, my dear girl. I seek to save humanity. I am a Time Lord and sworn to protect the Universes." explained 'Uncle Arry'.

"Why? Why would 'Arras' and 'Korrell' be so desperate as to sink to kidnapping a child?" mused the 'Doctor' aloud.

"You know this fiend, 'Doctor'?" demanded 'Lando Calrissian'.

"Perhaps. As I said, only a 'Gallifreyan' time lord or time lady can use the 'Elixir of Longevity' and even then, they can only extend their life span by a single 'regeneration'. 'Arras' and 'Korrell' are siblings. They were also students of my first 'self' and both were once members of the 'High Council'. Why he would need another 'regenn' is beyond my ken. He seemed quite ready to accept his end the last time we met. Unless- yes! That malady on 'Logopolis'! He was almost at a breakthrough for its antidote! That must be the reason." said the Time Lord.

"So 'Logopolis' gets wiped out. So what?" asked 'Machi' who was loading her plasma rifle.

"The end of Creation. The end of everything. Creation will be 'unmade'. The 'big bang' reversal. That must be why 'Arras' would stoop to kidnapping a child. I wonder why he didn't grab 'Ladraff' as well?" replied the 'Doctor'.

"Because her twin brother was on a 'Jedi' world and only an idiotic moron would try and kidnap a 'Jedi' from a 'Jedi' world." chortled 'Lando', testing the after burners. "Yeah. OK. Gotcha. Han, we're cleared for liftoff whenever Mason's crowd gets here, man. Huh? Tell 'em to get aboard and be quick about it, dammit! We ain't got all night! Who's pilotin', Han? You or me?" said 'Lando'.

"You are and 'Chewie's co-pilotin', man. I'm beat! I'll be in my quarters. You do know how to get to 'Mal Ben 2', don't ya? ('Lando' nodded) Then lift off when you're ready, pal." said Han, leaving the bridge.

A few days later, Han put down on 'Maldongas Bentham Two' and everyone 'transported' down to the surface of the strange looking world.

"Orange trees. Purple rocks. Pink skies. If I see a green city, we're in the 'land of Oz', man!" cried 'Machi', leveling her rifle.

"Don't kill anybody. We may need their local expertise." snapped 'Paul Drake'.

"What does this stuff look like anyway, man?" asked 'Nobby'.

"An oily liquid. Can be any colour. Usually drips inside a cave. Spread out and look. For heaven's sake, don't drink any of it. The 'Elixir' is poisonous to any non-Gallifreyans. Jojo, you and your Mom better stay with me. You too, Trish. Your grandfather would never forgive me if anything happens to you. Split into groups and we'll meet back here at suns set." said the 'Doctor'.

(The 'Jojo' group was caught on Mars just before Bulma and company lifted off for 'Namek').

"You mean sunset, sir." corrected 'Leorio' who was also a doctor, albeit a medical one.

"No, he means suns set, kid. Four of 'em up there. See?" said 'Lando', pointing to the pink sky where four suns of different colours shone coldly. "Guess it gets hot at night here. Wonder how many moons?" he added.

"Nine. Get back here before darktime." said Han.

"What pretty flowers. I think I'll pick some for 'Leea'. Ouchie! They're sharp, man!" said Trish, fighting back tears while the Time Lord sprayed 'NoHurt' on her fingers and bandaged them carefully.

"Be careful, Trish. Some plants are poisonous to the touch. These are just 'saw roses' though. Like Terran 'bayonet grass'. Shall we try that cave? Jojo, a little help with this boulder, son?" said 'Old Scarfy' and he and the 'Hamon' user finally managed to push the huge rock aside far enough for them to enter the cave.

"What language is that, Doc?" asked Trish who had flown up to the top of the cave's entrance. " Hmmn. 'Gllaay Schmerren Ilgovash Denten'. Greek to me, man." she added, landing beside Jojo and his Mother's 'ghost'.

"Old Elfin. 'Beware the Jabberwock Within'. Must be a guardian for something inside. Stick together and be careful. No flying, Trish. Perhaps you'd be so kind as to lead the way, 'Elizabeth'? Please?" said the 'Doctor'. 'Mom' obliged gracefully by passing through the stone and into the cave.

"Back here is a small spring. And another sign like the one outside. 'Doctor'?" called the 'ghost' and the Time Lord hurried inside with the others.

"Yes. Old Elfin again. 'Only Lords of Time May Drink From This Fountain of Youth'. Trish, fill this flask for me and we'll test it." said the 'Doctor'. Trish did as he had directed her and carried the flask back to him. "Carry it outside, please." he said.

"I do not think that you will be leaving here! Any of you trespassers!" roared a voice which filled the cave. Slowly, a half Griffin/half Dragon creature materialized and reached a talon out for the flask. "Only they who govern Time itself may drink this 'Elixir of Longevity'! It is poison to anyone else and the 'Waters of Youth' must remain here!" he roared, belching flame.

"Fear not, 'Guardian'. I am a Lord of Time from Gallifrey. This life-giving drink is for one of our number who is much too ill to travel here, my 'Lord Jabberwock'. I have undertaken this mission of mercy upon his behalf, my lord. Please permit us to take this flask and depart in peace. You have my word that no other shall put this flask to their lips. I merely wished to test it outside to be certain sure that this was the famed 'Elixir' for which I seeketh, 'Lord Jabberwock', sire." said the 'Doctor', bowing low and signing for the rest of us to do likewise. A 'Joestar' bows to no-one, neither man nor animal!

"Do as you have been commanded, my son. This is a venerable creature who means us no harm." said 'Mother's voice inside my mind and I speedily bowed to the creature which smiled and then withdrew deeper into the cave's recesses. There was nothing to keep us here so we speedily returned to Han's starship to await the others who trudged in wearily as the four suns were setting and an intense heat was beginning.

Having had no luck themselves, they were overjoyed to find that we had found the stuff and not the almighty 'Hunters'. Han ordered us all aboard and we decided to spend the night aboard the 'Millennium Falcon'.

"How do we tell whoever has 'Miss Solo' that we have found his 'Elixir of Longevity', I wonder?" I mused aloud.

"I know that you have achieved your goal, 'Mr Joestar', sir. You will return to 'Kurestan' and place the flask filled with the precious river of life into Box 1271 in the market square postal office where it will be collected by a friend. You will not attempt to follow this person or 'Madam Supreme Commander' and the 'General' will never see their daughter again.

"As soon as my friend returns with the flask and I have determined that the water within it is really the 'Elixir' and not plain water, I will contact you and tell you where you may find 'Young Leanna Solo'. Any deviation from these instructions will bring most dire consequences for her anxious parents. Have a pleasant voyage home. Farewell." The same stentorian voice we had heard back on 'Alderaan' ended as quickly as it had come.

"Ask a silly question, get a silly answer." quipped the young Hunter, 'Killua'.The 'Phantom Troupe Hunters' laughed, but not 'Gon', 'Leorio', 'Hisoka' and 'Kuraptika'. 'Killua' apologized for his flippancy and 'Han', 'Lando' and 'Chewie' began poring over vidstar charts, looking for a shortcut home. After all, we did not want the flask of 'Elixir' to become stale before we got it into the unknown voice's hands.

After a hearty dinner, we all watched a few vidfilms while 'Han' and his partners debated whether or not to use the 'Unicorn Meadows' (An asteroid field similar to 'Bison Fields' near Mars) for a shortcut. 'Han', as an anxious father, was all for it. 'Lando' was skeptical because the new 'rail guns' he had installed on the 'Millennium Falcon' had been acting sluggish last time that they had been tested.

'Chewie' assured them both that he knew a secret route through 'Unicorn' that was as dependable as 'Bison's own 'Smugglers' Ravine' which satisfied 'Lando'. 'Han' insisted on leaving tonight, but he was voted down by the rest of us who were all dog tired. However, although he grudgingly agreed to this, Han insisted that we leave just as soon as the first sun rose in the morning. Then he and 'Chewie' decided to give the 'rail guns' a quick look see while 'Lando' made sure that all of our fuel cells were full. After all, we were in hostile territory and would be until we had passed through 'Unicorn Meadows'.

After three near disasters with space pirates, we were finally able to limp our heavily damaged 'Millennium Falcon' back home to 'Alderaan' albeit we broke down and had to land a few thousand kilometres from 'Kurestan'.

"If you had made sure that the 'cloak' was working before we left 'Maldy Ben 2', we could have vanished before those three pirates could have blasted us to smithereens, 'Lando'!" snarled an angry Han Solo.

"Shut up, 'Furball'! You're the one that got us lost six times in that asteroid field!" yelled 'Lando Calrissian' when poor 'Chewie' objected to his two partners arguing with each other.

"Excuse me, sirs. The chief engineer chap says that the 'warp core' has had it." said 'Chrollo Lucifer'.

"And one of the space techies said that neither of your shuttles is working either." added 'Machi'.

"There is a space ship rental agency a few kilos away, guys. My son could easily go there and rent a ship for us to get back home. However, Jojo cannot fly it back here. We would be happy to pay for it, Captain Solo, sir." said my dear Mother's 'ghost' who had finally learned how to materialize for brief periods of time although it was quite a strain on her supply of 'ectoplasm'.

"OK. 'Chewie', you go with the kid and the spook. We'll need a decent ship for the run. While you're gone, I'll pack up our gear so we'll be all ready to make the transfer when you get back here." said Han.

"And I'll make arrangements with 'Jabba' (the 'Hut') to berth the 'Falcon' for a few days." added 'Lando'.

"Don't forget that robber baron still owes us two days' storage, 'Lando' and don't let him stick ya either." said Han.

"Hiya 'Chewie'. Hullo there, 'Miss Spirit', sonny. Lookin' to buy or rent, man?" asked 'Jar Jar Binks', the owner and proprietor of 'Rent-A-Ship, Ltd' and a good pal of Han, Lando and Chewbacca.

"We wanna rent a good ship for a round trip jaunt to 'Kurestan', sir." I explained to the oily-voiced little whatever he was. Chewie 'garrumphed' and Mother translated for me.

"Such profanity, Mr Chewbacca! The gist of his haranguing is that 'Mr Binks' has found a good ship for us to rent, but he wants 10K UniCreds a day for it. Do we have that much, Joseph?" asked Mother from inside my mind. Apparently 'Mr Binks' could not 'mind send' because he continued to grin at us.

"Let me handle this, Mom." I 'mind sent' to Mother. "We will give you 5K a day, sir." I said aloud and 'Mr B' held up both paws signifying eight. I held up six fingers. He held up seven. I held up six fingers and bent down the seventh half way. 'Mr B' smiled and showed me his rotten darkened teeth.

"Six K, Five C per day and I will throw in a few extra dilythium fuel cells. Agreed, sir?" he asked and I nodded curtly. "First day in advance. Standard business practice, sir." he replied and I transferred 6,500 UniCreds from my vidwallet to his. Mother floated aboard followed by Chewie. I signed the necessary vidforms and accepted the vidcopies from 'Mr Binks'. Then we shook hands/paws and I hurried aboard the rust coloured Z-Class space schooner 'Godspeed' which the 'Wookie' assured us 'might' break 5 Warp in a pinch.

We traveled back to where we had left Han and Lando and the others. The immense battle cruiser ship was gone. Our crew looked like a bunch of homeless people who had just been evicted from their planet. Chewie hovered just above the surface while the rest of us stowed away all of our junk aboard the 'Godspeed'. Trish carried the precious flask wrapped in several layers of 'badaga' leaves. Han gave the young novice nun strict orders- no flying. I handed Han the vidcopies of the rental agreement and he stowed it away in his cluttered glove box.

"6,500 UCs huh? 'Jar Jar's slippin' in his old age, huh? He usually gets nine thou a day for those old rust buckets he calls ships." chortled Han.

"Ye're sure he said Box 1271, 'Lando'?" whispered Han for the millionth time in the two hours they'd been staked out at the 'Kurestan' post office in the market square.

"Really, Honourable Mr Solo. You have asked same question many many times today, sir. As Pop would say, 'Watched box require much patience'." whispered 'Jimmy Chan'.

"And Pop would also say that we should not be using 'Pidgin' Universal, Honourable younger brother. Ssh! Someone's opening the box. He has removed the flask and he is putting something inside the box. Now he has handed an envelope to the clerk. He is leaving. No! We must not follow him, Honourable Mr Solo! Honourable Leanna's life depends upon us not upsetting the apple cart, sir. Honourable Mr Calrissian, please to retrieve note from box." whispered 'Lee Chan'.

(AN: Mrs Solo has engaged the services of the 'Charlie Chan XXXVth Detective Bureau'. Charlie, a direct descendant of the Terran Honolulu, Hawaii 'Charlie Chan', had sent his #1 son and his #2 son (Lee and Jimmy respectively) as operatives. Their orders were to assist Han and the others and help them to rescue Han and Leia's daughter, Leanna).

"Yo Lando! That little guy ya been watching from behind those palm trees left this envelope fer Han. He stuck something in his box for ya too or so he just told me anyhow. He said he didn't relock the box. Here." said 'Greg Havens', the window clerk. He, Lando, Han, Leia and Chewie were old pals from the rebellion years. Lando took the envelope, thanked Greg and then retrieved the note from the box.

"Read it already, man!" yelled Han, causing several persons to stare at the little group trying to hide behind the palm tree 'grove' in the post office lobby.

"Uh, it says 'So far, so good. The water in the flask must be tested. If all goes well, my master will tell you how to decipher the address which I left in Box 1271. Courage and please be assured that Miss Leanna is quite well and is being well looked after by my master's sister. Oh and please to remember to bring some clothing for her. I trust that you received the clothing that she was wearing when we first made her acquaintance. One more thing- please do not attempt to follow me. I know that you are a man of your word, Mr Solo. If you understand all of these instructions, please 'think' the words 'I agree'. Yours faithfully- A friend.' The other note is gibberish written in the 'Old Republic' script, Han." said Lando, handing letter and note to Han who glanced at both before handing them to Lee.

Jimmy peered at the 'gibberish' over his older brother's shoulder. "Man! That's so easy, Lee!" crowed Jimmy.

"Yes, isn't it? Gentlemen, this note reads 'Stand in the moon beams and use the key when the thrush knocks three times'- nothing more. Mean anything to you guys?" asked Lee Chan.

"It's a quote from Mr Tolkien's book 'The Hobbit'. I think it's the kidnappers' way of tellin' us to follow orders or else, man." whispered Trish.

OK, I got stuck with babysitting the kid and Han ordered me to accompany him so what else could I do except bring our 'flying nun' along with me?

Then I remembered the vidnovel she had mentioned. "No key, Mr Solo, Mr C?" I asked. Han and Lando and even the Wookie stared at me. I plunged my hand into the big Box 1271 bin and my fingers closed on metal. An old-fashioned 'jailor's key' like some old houses on Earth still use. Oh, you've seen 'em, man. The kind that are left in the lock? Now we had the 'key'. All we needed was the lock to fit it.

"We can do nothing, gentlemen, until our friends tell us what world they have left Leanna upon. More than likely, she will be left in a cave or cavern within a mountain. The moonlight will strike and illuminate the 'keyhole'. A thrush is a bird that can use its strong beak to drill holes in soft stone. I have it! The thrush's 'knocking' will uncover the keyhole. However, all of this is moot until we find out where she is being held." explained Mother who had materialized in semi-solid form between myself and Trish.

"Soundly put, 'Madam Joestar'. You have kept your part of the bargain. The 'Elixir of Longevity' is the real McCoy. Therefore, fly to 'Dionysius Four' and proceed to co-ordinates X217 North/Z119 West on the Western rim of this world. There you will find the keyhole at suns set exactly. Do not be late. Yes, dearest? Of course! I almost forgot that. Be certain that you bring warm clothing for the child. A thin silken nightdress and wooden sandals are not exactly traveling attire for a young lady. Farewell." boomed out that same voice we had heard many times before.

Han was already racing for the garage where we had docked the 'Godspeed', the 'Falcon' still being in the shop.

"Look here, I'm not the police. I am your lawyer and I want the truth, Mr Khan. I have to know whether or not you are guilty or innocent of all of these crimes. How else can I plead your case before judge and jury, sir? Treason, espionage, conspiracy, robbery, the list never ends! You could be executed, Mr Khan. How shall I plead you at the trial?" asked an exasperated Perry Mason.

"Perry, watch your foot. That yellow line is the 'force beam' for the cell. (Della's fiancee yanked his foot back quickly, but he still lost the toe of his boot to the 'energy beam barrier' for 'Young Khan's cell) Be careful, dear. We're getting married in two more weeks. Mr Khan, sir? Mr Mason is here to help you. You must answer his questions. Anything you tell him or me is considered sacred and privileged information protected by the lawyer/client relationship." said Della Street. Khan merely flipped more cigarette ashes on the floor of his cell.

"Counselor, it ain't that I don't want your help. It's just that here I am guilty unless you can prove me innocent which I ain't. You can rest assured that I won't be executed. Those 'Goody Two Shoes' from Gallifrey will scream bloody murder if 'Q' tries that trick again. The worst I'll get is a century or two on 'Seto Kaibo' and I've busted outta there so many times the place oughta have a revolving portal on it, man!" chortled Perry's client.

"I would like to try and defend you, Mr Khan. For that to happen, I must plead you not guilty, but with extenuating circumstances. After all, your father is a hardened criminal, isn't he, son?" asked Perry.

"Sure. Oh, plead me whatever way ya like, pal. Whatever sails yer starship, Mr M. Could ya ask the screws if I could please have a vidTV set and some vidfilms? In return, I agree to stay put, OK? Oh and another carton or two of 'Galaxy Golds'. Unh unh, here come the doggie and the wolfie. Time must be up, man. Thanks, Mr M, Miss S and- congrats on the upcoming nuptials." said Khan when he saw 'InuYasha' and 'Kouga' strolling down the hallway with unslung plasma rifles. Leia was taking no chances with this guy!

"We'll speak again, sir. I'll send Della back with the necessary vidforms that you will be required to sign so that I am allowed to present a defense on your behalf, Mr Khan. Good afternoon, sir." said Perry and Della smiled sweetly to their client. Then she hurried to catch up to her boss.

"Rebecca! Don't play with those controls! Loo-Pon! Everybody! Get in here fast! This thing is powering up!" howled 'Fujiko Mine'. The 'Lupin III' gang all piled inside the machine on display at the 'Smithsonian Institution' in Terran Washington DC.

"What's all the yellin' about, ladies, and I use that term loosely. Shut the door, 'Goemon'." growled 'Daisuke Jigen'.

"Don't shut that door! Dammit! it's locked! 'Lupin'! You are kidnapping an officer of the LAW! Let me outta here, dammit!" screeched 'Inspector Pops Zenigata' of Interpol.

"Who invited the square along? Wonder what this does?" wondered 'Mrs Rebecca Lupin III' aloud. She pressed the big red knob and dialed in 'AD 2261'. Suddenly the machine they were inside shook like the 'Furies'! They quickly strapped each other into the seats on the 'Wormhole of Time'. Just as suddenly as it had started, the machine came to a bone jarring halt.

"You have arrived at your destination. Please exit the vessel. Thank you for flying with 'Time Immemorial'." boomed out a voice and the doors opened. 'Pops' was the first one out and he kissed the ground several times.

"Loo-Pon! I hereby place you and your cronies under arrest!" he yipped, clapping 'darbies' on the wrists of the two girls and the three guys.

"By whose authority, sir, if I may be so bold." demanded 'Cictorian City Rangers Captain Arthur Tragg'. Everyone else in the 'Kurestan' courtroom stared at the motley crew of 'Arsene Lupn III', 'Daisuke Jigen', 'Goemon the Samurai', 'Fujiko aka Fujicakes Mine' and the newly wed 'Mrs Rebecca Lupin III' and especially, 'Inspector Pops Zenigata'- Interpol on Terra.

"Looks like ye're outta yer jurisprudence, 'Square'." giggled 'Rebecca'.

"Oh no! Not again! Look at the date on this 'vidpape', guys! '9 JunJul AD 2261'! Anybody here with the 3WA?" grumbled the Druid-like guy, 'Jigen'.

"I find the lot of ya in contempt o' court!" yelled 'Judge Q' angrily. "Bailiff, escort these fools to their cells!" he added. Pops hauled out his Interpol badge.

"I am a duly authorized officer of the law, Yer Honour! I have just arrested the infamous 'Lupin Gang'! Lock 'em up!" howled the trench-coated copper.

"Good idea. Start with the loudmouth." agreed 'Hamilton Burger'.

"Wait! Perry, doesn't this group seem familiar, dear?" asked 'Della Street'. 'Perry Mason', 'Paul and Yancey Drake' and even Hamilton and Arthur at last shouted in unison: "It's 'Lupin III'!" The tall skinny dark-haired guy who sounded a lot like 'Jerry Lewis' did a sweeping bow.

"In the flesh, sir. 'Arsene Lupin III' at your service." chortled 'Lupin'. At a sign from the 'Master-At-Arms', the group was grabbed, 'force-beam handcuffed' and escorted to the courtroom's 'transporter area'. A flash and a pop and the startled gang were unceremoniously shoved into two cells- one for the four guys and one for the two gals.

"We get a phone call, 'Screws'! I know my rights!" yelled 'Becky'. 'Fujiko' grinned at her. After all, the rest of them had been here before. "We are innocent until proven guilty! You haven't even read us our rights!" snarled Pops, yanking out his .38 police special pistol which was immediately taken away from him. At a glance from their boss, the guys and girls reluctantly handed over their weapons, well, almost all of 'em.

"Here you are considered guilty unless proven not guilty at your trial. 'Jigen', 'Goemon'? Never thought I'd get my hands on you guys again! Where'd ya swipe that ancient hunk o' crapola 'time travel machine' out in the courtroom?" chuckled the 'Master-At-Arms' who was an 'Eloisian'.

A few minutes after he and his security team had left them, a pert blonde wearing a purple and black uniform came into the cellblock trundling an 'anti-grav trolley' loaded with dishes. "Hi there. I'm 'Sub-Ensign Virginia Slims'. Call me Ginny. It's time for lunch. Please stand well back behind that yellow line. Please do not cross it." said Ginny.

"Why the Hell not? No bars or walls or even a bloody door! What are we on- the honour system in here, kid?" asked 'Becky', lifting her booted foot towards the yellow line.

"Stop! Don't do that, mum! Stand back and I'll demonstrate why there are no bars, doors or walls in these cells." warned the blonde. She fished a 'half Zenni' coin out of her pocket and tossed it so that it crossed the yellow line on the cell's floor.

ZAP! There was a small explosion and a blinding green flash of lightning. The cell filled with acrid green smoke until Ginny pointed her PDO unit at a panel on the hallway's wall. The smoke cleared and Ginny trundled the trolley into 'Becky' and 'Fujiko's cell, unloaded the meals onto a table which materialized like magic along with two padded chairs. She trundled the trolley back to the hallway and reset the 'beam' for the girls' cell before she repeated the same process with the guys.

"If you need anything at all, just ask the 'replicating unit' for it. Don't waste your time asking for weapons, tools or anything to use to escape because it's programmed only to provide safe stuff like vidnovels and vidTV sets and the like. You're the folks who just 'time traveled' in from Terra, ain't ya? Boy! That 'time vessel' is a real antique- circa AD 21st Century huh? Never saw one of those pieces of junk outside of a museum, man! If you need me, just tap out 'GINNY S' in that panel beside your bunks." said the cute 'subby'.

Someone bellowed for his lunch and Ginny smiled at them, winked and saluted. Then she trundled her trolley up the long dark corridor to the 'special security' block. The 'cells' were located directly beneath the courtroom albeit some six kilometres below the surface.

"I wish I had my compact, Honey. I must look a real fright to you guys." whined 'Becky' and the requested article materialized beside her on her bunk. 'Fujicakes' laughed because she had known what was going to happen. All of the others, including 'Zenigata', had used 'reppers' the last time that they had visited the 'Aquarian Galaxy'.

'Becky' was ecstatic and began asking for everything she could think of until her roomie complained that they were almost out of space for storing all of that junk. The guys in the cell beside the girls' cell were more conservative although 'Jigen' griped about the stench from 'Goemon's 'sake' which smelled like it had been filtered through 'Lupin's dirty gym socks'.

Meanwhile, Lupin was studying the 'cell' from all angles and trying to figure out how to get them out of it safely. 'Pops' had quieted down and after lunch, he had 'repped' up several copies of the 'Police Gazette' and begun to read them. 'Goemon' was doing his 'kenjutsu' sword blade techniques (Sans katana sword) while 'Jigen' was playing car chase vid games on his PDO unit which had been provided to everyone upon their arrival.

"The floor, ceilings and walls are made of solid 'Kelvinite' so we won't be tunnelling out of here. I may be able to short circuit the electrical grids and put that 'beam' outta action. By the way, anyone know which laws we broke here?" mused 'Lupin'.

"Don't ya remember, Boss? We busted into that bank last time we were on 'Kagura' and they put out a bounty on all of us, even 'Pops' here. ('Pops' grumbled that he hadn't broken no danged laws and it was all 'Lupin's fault) Guess they remembered and now we're in the soup for sure." explained 'Jigen'.

"He always gets us into trouble, 'Druid'. How are you ladies doing over there?" asked 'Goemon' who had polished off his sixth bottle of 'sake'.

"Just fine as long as I can curb 'Becky's shopping sprees. No more candy already! You'll get sick again! Any bright ideas on how to get us outta here, 'Lupin'?" replied 'Fujiko'. Her boss sighed and went back to jury-rigging more wires.

"Hey 'Jigen'. Stick your finger in here for me, will ya? I wanna see if it's the main lead." said the Boss.

"OK, but if I get fried, I'll pound ya, man. Hey! It's cool, Boss. So's the green and red one. Got a coin? Toss it across the line but wait'll I get behind my mattress. OK, go ahead." said 'Jigen' when he and 'Goemon' had grabbed 'Pops' and covered themselves with bedding. "We're ready too, Hon." called 'Fujiko'. 'Lupin' tossed the coin and- nothing happened. Then the the yellow 'beam' line vanished. 'Lupin' gingerly stepped across the floor where the 'line' had been and into the hallway. The other guys quickly followed him.

"How about us, 'Darling'?" whispered 'Becky'. 'Lupin' whispered to 'Fujiko' how to disarm the system which she did quickly, tested that the 'beam' was no longer functioning and the girls joined them in the darkened hallway.

"Follow me and keep quiet. No tellin' what other 'booby traps' they have waiting for us. Wonder how far down we are?" whispered their Boss.

"You are six and a half kilometres below the surface." boomed out a voice which caused 'Mrs Lupin' to curse out loud when she wet her knickers. 'Fujiko' giggled while the gentlemen pretended not to notice.

"Where is the nearest lift station?" asked 'Goemon' boldly. After all, the voice seemed to be helping them, didn't it?

"Fifty-five paces to the West." the voice answered. Using his 'Lensatic military compass' that he had 'borrowed' from the 'Smithsonian', 'Lupin' found 'West' and led the way to the lift.

"Take us to the nearest 'transporter area', please." commanded the 'Samurai' warrior. The lift portals swished shut and they were deposited outside of a familiar looking alcove which contained- 'transporter pads'. 'Jigen' set the controls while the other hopped onto the 'pads'. Then the 'Druid' set the controls to 'delay' and quickly jumped onto a 'pad'.

"What the Hell gives here, man? I feel funny. Like when I have had too much bubbly, 'Darling'! Are we gonna die?" whined 'Becky' as they slowly dematerialized. An empty-space feeling and then they rematerialized on the street outside of the great palace.

"Now which way, Boss?" asked 'Jigen'. "Find a copper and we'll ask him." suggested 'Pops' who had forgotten that they were all wanted fugitives who had just escaped from jail. "Sure. Officer, where are we? 'Lupin', this place does not look like 'Shim' or 'Kagura'. Oh no! This must be 'Alderaan'! Holy cow! We must be in 'Kurestan'- the 'New Republic'! We need a vidchart or a map, man!" fumed 'Fujiko', searching through her handbag.

"Will this be any help?" asked 'Becky', handing her a pocket edition of the 'Galactic Compendium'. "Where'd ya get that, 'Becky'?" asked her hubby. "In that courtroom. There was a whole table full of 'em. Some criminal you are, man." giggled the redhead.

(AN: I know that 'Rebecca Lupin III' is a blonde, but I always saw her as a redhead, OK)?

"Lessee now. If we follow this street for three blocks, we can take the alleyway there to the sewer entry point. Then we can travel underground to the spaceport where we can swipe a vessel. If you still know how to 'hot wire' a starship, Honey?" said 'Fujiko'.

(Two women? Is this guy really married or not)?

"If he can't, I sure as Hell can, 'Love'." growled 'Jigen'. "Lead the way, 'Fujicakes'." chortled 'Lupin' and they headed up 'Salamander Square' towards 'Hunters Lane' which led to an old sewer entrance hole. In a quarter of an hour, they were all sloshing through filthy water deep underground. 'Becky' complained every five minutes that she was gonna need a whole new wardrobe and at least 50 new pairs of boots and shoes. Finally, 'Goemon' carefully levered up the sewer cover above his head and peered out.

"So far, so good. There's a big starship just above us and the pilot just locked it up. Follow me." said the big 'Samurai' warrior.

'Jigen' picked the latches in jig time and 'Lupin' speedily 'hot wired' the thrusters while the others piled aboard and strapped themselves into seats. "Anyone remember how to fly these damned things?" whispered 'Lupin'. 'Jigen' sighed and climbed into the pilot's seat. 'Goemon' stood behind him while their Boss took the co-pilot's seat. The thrusters hummed and 'Jigen' lifted off and into the aether. Suddenly-

"Unauthorized spacecraft in restricted aether-space! Stand down or be fired upon!" shouted a voice from the tower. "Find the shields, 'Lupin' and activate 'em. 'Pops', look for a 'cloak'. It'll make us invisible. Hurry up!" yelled 'Jigen'. 'Lupin' hit 'shields up' while 'Goemon' found 'cloak' just as the first squadron of 'TIE fighters' materialized around them.

"Which way, man?" yelled the 'Druid'. 'Anywhere but here, 'Stupido'!" screamed 'Becky' and they peeled off towards the Northeast.

"Hi Honey. We brought you some nice warm stuff to wear. Lemme help ya off with this kimono. There. Feel warmer now? Great! OK, guys! She's decent now. Ya kin come on inside." called Trish to us. I forget the name of this world that we are on now. Anyway, as soon as the first moon rose, the moonlight shone on the 'keyhole' and Trish had used the key. Then we sent her inside because she was a girl and we had no idea what, if anything, 'Leanna' was wearing. Mother's 'ghost' accompanied the novice nun into the mountain and got the kid dudded up and ready to travel.

"If the young Solo child is ready, we had best be going because if we miss our 'wondow' the 'gravity well' will seal for the next year which is 1,207 solar days." cautioned 'Doctor #4'. We hustled 'Leanna' aboard the 'Godspeed' and Han wasted no time in lifting off for home.

"Are you OK, 'Lambie Poo'? Are you warm enough?" cooed Leia Solo who had insisted on accompanying us. "Oh no! They're back again? Excuse me, but I just had a 'mind send' from Della. The 'Lupin III' gang just showed up in a very old time machine. Since there was still a bounty out for them and anyone with them, they were arrested and jailed. As you may have expected, they have since escaped. They swiped a starship and by now they are offworld and probably heading for 'Shim', 'Kagura' or Mars. Han, get us home as quickly as you can. I want 'Dr Brackett' to examine 'Leanna' as soon as possible. No telling what germs she's picked up from that odious toad and his damned sister! Step on it, man!" commanded Leia who was the 'Supreme Commander of Alderaan'.

"Why did ya wanna drag us all the way out here, 'Machi'?" growled 'Nobunaga'. The two 'Troupe Hunters' along with Gon, Leorio, Hisoka, Kuraptika and Killua were walking down by the space docks on the bad side of 'Kurestan'. 'Lucifer' had opted to stay in the grand palace and sample some of the delicacies that this world was famed for serving. Whis and Beerus had offered to give him a guided tour of the restaurant district.

"That palace guard told me that there's a guy down here who sells hand-held weapons- cheap. I'm just dying to get my hands on a Mark XIII ion cannon. Besides, Luke's pigging out with that blue green guy (Whis) and his pet cat (Lord Beerus) and we should be back in plenty of time for dinner. Put that mangy thing down, Gon. It's filthy." snapped 'Machi'.

"Why? It'll make a nice pet, right Killy?" whined Gon. "Don't get me involved, man. What kinda animal is it?" asked Killua.

"It looks like a baby 'jacaronda', Gon. You won't be allowed to keep it though. When it's grown up, it'll be almost 50 yards long and weigh a few tons. Yuck! You guys wanna keep that thing, ya better give it a bath when we get back home." warned Kuraptika. "Is that the place, 'Machi'? 'Gah Gah Binks/Weapons For Sale'." he added and the girl 'Hunter' brightened up.

"Yup. That's the place. C'mon, guys." crowed 'Machi'. 'Jar Jar's older brother pulled his beard and met them at the portals to his shop.

"Welcome, off worlders. 'Gah Gah Binks', firearms specialist, at yer service. Come in, please, Madam and Sirs." invited the glib serpent. 'Nobby' looked dubious, but 'Hisoka' shoved him and the others inside the ramshackle shack. 'Machi' was oohing and ahhing at everything.

"Anything magical here, 'Mr Binks'?" asked 'Hisoka' and the serpent pointed out a huge counter loaded with wizardry junk.

"Have you any 3WA weapons? The young lady here is looking for a Mark XIII and a few spare power packs." explained Kuraptika.

"Of course, sir. If you will just step this way, please?" replied 'Gah Gah', rubbing his oily hands together. Gon and Killy headed for the 'toys' while Leorio was drawn to the sign marked 'Medical Devices' and Nobby's eyes lit up when he saw the ionic-powered crossbows on display. Kuraptika hefted a 'bolo' throwing weapon.

"Friends of 'Jar Jar' I see. He's my younger brother." said 'Gah Gah', noting the 'Vote for Jar Jar' lapel badges that they were all wearing. the other 'Binks' brother was running for Mayor. "Well, I have a special price for you chaps and the lady. Aha. Yes, my lad, that's a rarity these days. A Mark III miniblaster. Even the 3WA 'tro cons' don't use those 'toys' too much anymore. For you, 'Mr Killua', 500 UniCreds and I will toss in two fully charged power packs at no extra charge." said 'Gah Gah'.

The blue serpent shoved a vidform towards each of his customers. "Sorry, but it is the law. Please fill these out while I see about your friends. 'Mr Hisoka', sir. That is an ancient 'grimoire' and very rare. For a fine 'mage' like you- two thousand." added 'Gah Gah'. "900." replied the 'Hunter' conjuror. "1,500." countered the serpent. "1,200 and I do not haggle as a rule." said 'Hisoka' venemously and 'Gah Gah' bowed to him. "Of course. 1,200 it is. You drive a hard bargain, my friend." he said quietly.

"You paid five grand for that thing, 'Nobby'? You got took, man! Didn't ya ever hear of haggling over the price?" chuckled 'Machi' who had haggled her 500 UC Mark III down to 150 and had ended up paying 1,350 for her Mark XIII and five power packs. Gon had paid 65 'Zenni' for a cage for his baby 'jaca' cat.

"Now that we have finished our shopping, we had best head for home." said Kuraptika who had been sent along to keep the gang outta trouble. He hailed a 'holotaxicab' for them and they were whisked back to the palace just in time for dinner.

"I dunno about this idea o' yourn, 'Naruto-Boy'. Mebbe it ain't such a good idea to try and bring 'Jiraiya-Boy' and 'Lord Kakashi' back from the hereafter." cautioned 'Lord Fukusaku' who looked like an small grey toad with a white beard. The 'sage ninja sensei' was seated on the shoulder of 'Naruto Uzimaki' who had just finished his 'sage ninja' training and now he was hurrying with 'Lord Fu's family of oversized toad son and grandson and his small undersized toad wife to 'Victorine's 'staging area'.

Lashed to the backs of son and grandson toads were the lifeless bodies of Naruto's beloved sensei masters 'Lord Jiraiya' affectionately known to Naruto as 'Purvyface' and the 'Sharingan-eyed' 'Lord Kakashi Sensei'.

"Ya shouldn't oughta be interferin' with black magic and forbidden 'jutsu', young whippersnapper." scolded 'Lady Fukusaku' as they bounded across the purple-hued meadow under the blazing twin suns.

"Quiet down there, 'Granny Fu'. I know what I'm doin', man. Hey! Did ya feel that shock o' 'chakra', 'Gramps'?" yelled Naruto, pointing straight ahead at a berthed 'time ship' in the distance.

"Don't call me 'Gramps', dang it! Holy Mother o' Pearl! I do feel a strong pull o' 'chakra', but it ain't like no 'chakra' I ever felt afore, 'Naruto-Boy'!" whooped the older toad sage, whacking Naruto's shoulderblade with his tiny staff.

"That's the 'Lady Foucault', guys! And looky there! They must be gettin' ready to go 'dragon ball' huntin'! We just made it in time! Yo Bulma! Vegeta! Goku! Gohan! GoTen! Trunks! Chi Chi! Dirty Old Man ('Master Roshii')! Lord Beerus! Whiskey Guy ('Whis')! Wait fer us, man! We wanna go huntin' too!" screeched Naruto at the top of his lungs loud enough to wake the dead.

"Relax, kid!" called the big green guy from 'Namek' ('Lord Piccolo'). "We aren't lifting off until tonight. Bully! We got company!" added the white-cloaked 'Z Fighter'.

"Naruto? One of those ugly toads ain't 'Captain Ginyu', is it?" yelled Bulma Brief. "What are you guys doing here?" she added in a softer tone when her two 'nieces', 'Pan' (Daughter of Gohan & 'Videl') and 'Marron' (Daughter of 'Krillin' & 'Eloise' the former '#18 Android Girl') came bounding across the fields to stare at the newcomers.

"Hey 'Marrie'! Betcha one o' them toads is really a handsome prince. Dare ya to kiss him!" taunted 'Pan' until 'Eloise' grabbed her kid.

"I thought you were supposed to be babysittin' the kids, Bulma? Oh no! Don't tell me that bunch is comin' along as well!" snarled 'Eloise' while 'Krillin' picked up his little girl and swung her through the aether.

"Plenty o' room, guys! Yo Vegeta! Don't ferget the 'reppy up' thingys! Hiya Naruto! 'Mr Kakashi', 'Mr Jiraiya'! They look dead tired, man! Are ya sure they're OK, Naruto?" asked a concerned Goku Son.

"Kakkaroth! You fool idiot! They're more'n just dead tired- they're dead dead- roshii! We aren't taking corpses along, are we, Honey?" whined Vegeta Brief. His daughter, 'Bra Brief' came racing up, her arms full of vidmusic disks and other assorted junk.

"Gimme a hand, will ya, Daddy-O?" she asked while her father merely stared at her multi-coloured Emo-style crewcut.

"Have your mother and auntie seen you yet, young lady?" howled Vegeta. "And where are ya goin' with all that junk?" demanded her brother, 'Trunks Brief'. "Just a few things to make the trip bearable, 'Trunny'. Make yerself useful and carry my 'repper', man." replied 'Bra'. "Power down, young man. No going 'SuperSaiyaan' on the ship. Tell GoTen too. No luggage, Naruto? Then get yourself and yer friends aboard. Ya want fer 'Porunga' to bring those two back to life, right? OK. Keep 'em as far away from Vegeta as possible. Oh no! Now what?" cried Bulma when her vidcellphone twittered.

"Yeah? Speaking. Right now, 'Allie'? OK. See ya in a few, mum. Chi Chi! The 'alley cat' wants to see me before we leave. Watch the two kids, will ya? I owe ya one, man. Naruto? Are those friends o' yours housebroken? Be back soon. Go ahead and get aboard." called Bulma over her shoulder.

"You wanted to see me before I took off on my land of golden balls hunting expedition, mum?" asked Bulma respectfully. 'President Allison Victorine Poe-Prydonia' smiled and waved the blue-haired bombshell to a seat beside her desk.

"I just received a signal from 'Madam Hokage Lady Tsunade' of the Ninja 'Village Hidden in the Leaves'. Tell me, has young 'Uzimaki' shown up with two large and two small toads?" asked 'Allie' quietly.

"Yes, mum. Naruto wants to go dragon ball hunting with us, mum." replied Bulma guardedly. She lit a cheroot and blew a smoke ring or two.

"I see. Is it his intention to restore his two late 'Sensei' to life using 'Lord Porunga'?" 'Allie' lit her own cheroot and poured herbal tea for the pair of them.

"Yes, he really misses 'Kashi' and 'Purvy-', I mean, 'Jiraiya', mum. However, if 'Lady Tsunade' has forbidden it-" began Bulma, rising from her chair. 'Allie' waved her back down.

"Relax, dear. (It irked Bulma to have to watch her mouth around this 'kid' who was really a couple of centuries her senior!) The 'Hokage' ('Fire Wind') merely wished to ascertain the young scamp's whereabouts. He left their devastated village after he had eliminated the 'Pains' and she thought he was shirking his rebuilding duties. That is, until the report came from the 'Black Ops' team on guard duty at the mausoleums where the two late 'Sensei Jonin' had been laid to rest." explained the teenaged 'Time Lady'. Bulma waited, drumming her fingernails on the desk. She disliked waiting and wished the 'Alley Cat' would just get on with it and stop pussyfooting around!

"The 'Ninja Earth' is not the same as our own 'Terra', is it, 'Subaltern'?" she asked suddenly, catching the poor girl completely offguard. "I mean, it is more akin to the 'Elrics' 'Alchemy World', is it not?" added the President of 'Victorine'.

"Yes, not at all like 'Terra', mum. Your point being?" replied Bulma, glancing at her wristchromo and hoping that someone would keep 'Whis' and 'Beerus' from hogging all the 'Yaka Soba' (Japanese beef stew) which she and Chi Chi had taken all morning to prepare. Some things just could not be 'repped'!

'Allie' grinned. "I am sure that someone will save you some 'Yaka Soba', my dear child. My point is this. 'Lord Shenron' was created by 'Guardian Dende' for the use of 'Terra', our own 'Terra' (Earth). 'Lord Freeza' was able to be resurrected only because he had been on our 'Terra' when he was, uh, shall we say- disassembled? I do not know if it would be within 'Lord Shenron's powers to restore the two 'Sensei Jonin' to the land of the living. 'Lord Shenron's three wishes-" began 'Allie'.

"Four. Four wishes are granted annually by our 'Shenny', mum. However, I take your meaning to be this. Do we want to risk one of our precious wishes on two outsiders. If a wish is unable to be granted, that wish is still usable for another wish, mum. I think that we owe it to Naruto to allow him a wish to at least try and restore his friends to life, don't you, mum?" replied Bulma.

"Of course. We owe young Uzimaki much more than a wish, my dear. (The 'Time Lady' glanced at the wall chromo) Now, I fear that I have been keeping you from your luncheon. You may go, my child, and thank you. My best to young Naruto and his friends whom I am sure- are all housebroken." chuckled the slight redhead who looked younger than 'Bra Brief', Bulma's daughter.

"Dinner, mum. I may still lift off tomorrow morning?" asked Bulma. 'Allie' checked something on her PDO unit and frowned.

"I had forgotten the season. Oh my! The 'window' to pass through our planet's 'gravity well' is tonight, not tomorrow morning. You had best leave just as soon as your ship has been prepped, my dear girl. Pleasant voyage. Good evening." replied Allie, but Bulma had already hot-footed it back to her ship.

"Four whole days and still no dragon balls. Chi Chi, did I eat lunch yet? I forgot, Honey." asked Goku who was confused and forgetful as usual.

"Yes, Kakkaroth. We have had lunch, dinner and eight snacks today. Nothing on the damned 'DragonBallRadar' either. Where are we anyway?" fumed Vegeta.

"A few 'parsecs' from someplace called 'Animostadt' wherever the deuce that is. Ever hear of it, Ma?" called 'Lord Fukusaku'. The elderly toad Ninja and his wife were handling the navigation for Bulma.

"There's a weak signal coming from the 'DBRadar', Hon. Think we should land and investigate?" asked Vegeta. His wife turned around in her pilot's seat and glanced at the 'DBR' unit in her hubby's hand.

"Might as well. Better strap in, guys. I'll put us down in that shady glade below." replied Bulma.

"Yeah and we can have a picnic there, man. The women can rep up the food and stuff." suggested Naruto.

"You can ALL help if ya want a picnic. I'm tired." sulked Chi Chi. Master Roshii tossed down his girlie vidmag and hauled out a replicator unit. Since none of the females aboard were wearing skirts or dresses, the old lecher couldn't sneak any peeks. He was bored outta his gourd.

Piccolo and I carried the tables and benches and dishes and stuff to the transporter room and then we began transporting stuff down to the planet's surface. My spectral Mother volunteered to do a recon run just to be safe and one of the toad grandkids offered to give her a lift which she gratefully accepted.

Piccolo operated the transporter controls and Mother and 'Jiggy' vanished from the pads.

(AN: Jojo and his Mom and the others were transported back to 'Alderaan' alog an 'alternate time flow' thus enabling them all to be in two places at the same time if you will pardon the pun).

"Where in the wide world are we, Cimmerian giant?" wondered 'Jack'. The big Barbarian from Cimmeria grunted and shrugged his massive shoulders and gazed up at the triple suns blazing in the aether above them.

"Not on your world or mine, noble Samurai." growled 'Conan', shifting his great battle axe to his other shoulder. The two heroes had been yanked out of time and space by the villainius 'Xaltotun's wizardry and magickal powers. Why he had sent them to the 'Gyrol Mountains' of 'Shimougou' was anyone's guess.

"Look over there, 'Lord Conan'. A monastery, is it not?" asked Jack and the big guy grunted and shook his head. He shaded his eyes and gazed over the far hilltop where Sister Patricia's convent was sitting in the 'Valley of Bliss'.

"That is a Catholic convent, warrior Jack. Can your machine (motorcycle) climb that ridge?" asked the skeptical Barbarian. Jack grinned and gunned the engines. His powerful 'Yamamemeha 1600' roared its defiance to the Cimmerian's words.

"Just hold on tight, my friend and keep your feet on the running boards. Watch that darn axe. Let's see if anyone's to home, man." replied the grinning Samurai and off they sped. Ten minutes later, Jack slid to a coasting halt. Conan hopped off and bellowed at the top of his lungs that they be admitted. Jack calmly pulled the klaxon chimes beside the high portals.

"Who awaits without? We gave at the office, man." answered a timid female voice and the portals remained shut.

"We seem to have taken a wrong turning, Madam and-" began Jack. "Hell, we're lost, by 'Krom'! Open these bloody doors or I'll break them down, girl!" howled Conan angrily.

"OK! Keep yer dress on, man! Dammit! 'Sister Clothy'! The blasted portal release is stuck again! Bring me a screwdriver, please." called the same young female voice, only now it sounded a lot less timid. Suddenly, the portals swished aside and a svelte ash-blonde novice nun wearing jeans and a 3WA sweatshirt over her habit and wimple stared in amazement at Jack, Conan and the big cycle.

"Oh man! That's a cool set o' wheels, mum." said 'Novice Sister Brunhilda von Zale', ogling the big machine. A tall stern-looking nun appeared behind the girl and frowned at the big Samurai and even bigger Cimmerian giant.

"Please excuse 'Sister Deirdre', gentlemen. She's new. 'Sister Clothilda', Abbess of 'St Simon the Crusader Convent' at your service. Sister Deirdre', how many times must you be told that you may wear nothing save your habit, wimple and Rosary inside the convent? Do come in, gentlemen. We have but simple fare, however, you are welcome to share it with us and we have a couple of spare 'cells' you can use for the night." said the older Abbess.

"Cells? What have we done that you want to lock us up, Old Hag?" growled Conan.

"A 'cell' is a small room used for prayers, Stupid." whispered Jack. "I hope it does not rain. 'Ashi' does not like to get wet." he added worriedly.

"Not to worry, man. We got a garage. I'll take care of yer wheels. Keys?" said Sister Deirdre and Jack tossed her his keys.

"No weapons inside, gentlemen. Give them to Sister Deirdre, please." said 'Sister Clothilda' sternly and they reluctantly handed over Jack's katana and tante and Conan's axe, sword and dagger to the novice nun.

"Careful, girl. That sword and that axe ain't no lightweights." chuckled the giant. She coolly lifted one in either hand and tossed them into the bike's saddle bags along with the Samurai's blades. Both guys were in shock. However, the 'G factor' on 'Shimougou' was much different from their own world's gravity, meaning that heavy weights here weighed almost nothing. The engines roared and Sis Deirdre expertly drove the big '1600' down the lane towards the rear out-buildings while the guys followed the tall Abbess inside.

"What is all the commotion, Sister?" asked an ancient, wizened old priest. Conan stared at him angrily.

"So! Ye dare to follow us here after ye used thy magickal powers against us, 'Xaltotun', damn ye! I'll kill ye, old one!" screamed Conan, lunging at the elderly priest. 'Grandfather Casterlein' smiled and raised his staff from which shot a beam of intense azure energy. It struck Conan in his chest and the giant staggered backwards several paces until he crashed into a table.

Bellowing like a wild bullasaurus, Conan snatched up the three tons alms table and would have thrown it at the priest had Jack not calmed him down. "Please to follow me, gentlemen." said the greybeard quietly and Conan reluctantly joined Jack and trailed the old Time Lord to his massive library and study.

He waved them to chairs and took a seat behind his huge desk. "I am not 'Xaltotun' whom I met some twelve millennia past on Terra. My name is 'Father Casterlien' although everyone calls me 'Gramps'. I am the Abbot here and I am also a Time Lord. By the by, do either of you have any idea exactly where you are at the moment? Some java? Tea? Wine? Something stronger, Cimmerian?" asked the old man.

"How old are ye anyway, sire?" demanded Conan while Jack gazed out of the windows at the setting suns.

"Well, I have reached my 12th 'regeneration cycle' and I believe that I have seen some 80 thousand summers here on 'Shimougou' and on my home world of 'Gallifrey'. Yes, this ain't Kansas anymore, Toto- to paraphrase Mr Baum. You sit in our St Simon the Crusader Convent nestled in this 'Valley of Bliss' deep in the 'Gyrol Mts' in the Northern part of 'Shimougou'. This world is millions of light years from your own worlds, gentlemen. I know that you are both fictional characters from, in Jack's case- anime and in Conan's case- books, anime, films and animation. However, in this 23rd Century in this part of the Aquarian Galaxy, even fictional characters are a reality. Please do not ask me to explain further because it gets into a lot of technical jargon that you would not understand anyway. Oh and- I have no idea what the duration of your stay on this world will be.

"Of course, you cannot remain here longer than one night. On the morrow, at suns rise, Sister Deirdre will guide you through the mountain passes to the village where she will acquire transport for you and accompany you to Victorine. That will be your new home for the duration of your, um, visit. Although 'magickal powers' and wizardry brought you here, they cannot return you to either Terra or 'Lemuria', gentlemen. Now, if you will please excuse me, I have a treatise to finish. The Abbess will see to your comforts and I will see you at dinner. Nice to have met you Jack, Conan- again. Good evening." The old Abbot waved them a dismissal and, as if on cue, the Abbess materialized to take them to their 'cells'.

(AN: Of course, Conan and Samurai Jack had no idea that almost everyone in the Convent and upon 'Shimougou' were experts at both 'mind speak' and 'mind send').

Early the next morning at exactly suns rise, both Conan and Jack were roused from their slumbers by a loud tattooing on their cell portals. "Get up, sleepyheads! You just have time for breakfast before we split, man! Conan baby, have I got a surprise fer you. Get up and I'll meet ya in the dining hall in five, 'k?" yelled Sister Deirdre.

Breakfast was a solemn affair and the only talking was done by Sister Dee, Conan and Jack. The latter spoke in subdued tones while the giant merely grunted, but Sister Dee was a loudmouth.

"I got you a big black 'steed beast' (horse), big guy, Jack's got his 'Yama 1600' and I have my own 'Geeza 4000' skycycle. I'll lead the way down to the village and you two follow me, OK? I'll keep my speed down to a hundred kph although if any of my friends see me, they'll think I'm a big sissy for going so damned slow, man! Once we get to the village, I'll rent a small starship for the voyage to 'Vic'.

"Don't worry. It'll be big enough to carry both of our toys and the beast in the docking bays. I brought some goodies I snitched from the kitchens in case we get hungry along the way. Ready? (Both the Cimmerian and the Samurai nodded). OK, follow me as closely a spossible. You'll be on the surface, but I'll be skimming along about six feet up so ya won't lose sight of me. And off we go into the wild blue yonder." yelled Sister Dee who had chosen a deep crimson flight suit and matching deck boots for the journey.

Ka-Voom! They were off and Conan found out damned quick that 'steed beasts' were no shrinking violets when it came to speed! His mount easily kept up with Jack's cycle which was doing 90 kph down the rugged mountain trail.

"Why couldn't she have given me one of them flying toys like she's got, Samurai?" complained the big guy morosely.

"Confucius say 'Man who wishes for what he has not will never reach enlightenment'." replied Jack who was forever quoting Earthly philosophers much to the Cimmerian's chagrin. Conan merely grunted and asked Jack what 'mind speak' and 'mind send' were.

"I believe that 'Grandfather' was referring to mental telepathy or mind to mind communication like that old Earth show we were watching last evening." replied Jack.

"That was a 'mind meld', my friend. However, your words have merit, Honourable Samurai. She's turning East and she is above that cliffside road. We must follow." warned Conan and Jack turned to starboard (right), all the while wondering about this big human compass galloping along beside him. Conan did not break stride and easily made the turn although his beast's right hoofs were momentarily hanging in the aether over the deep canyon. Conan seemed not in the least concerned.

"Where are we going, Samurai?" howled Conan so as to be heard over the roaring of Jack's twin engines. Jack spoke without turning around to face his friend. "The good sister mentioned that it was called 'Kara Kura City', the part called 'Zandar Zan' if I remeber aright, Conan. Aha! That must be our destination in that valley below us. Yes, she is parking on that building's roof. Looks a lot like Switzerland back home." replied Jack. "Yeah, looks a lot like my home in Northern Lemuria. I could tell ye countless tales of the stuff I have stolen from that region." mused the Cimmerian and Jack recited a Buddhist 'mantra' or two, praying for the big giant's soul in the hereafter. Jack was honest, Conan was not!

"Put the '1600' on the porch, Jack. Tie up 'Sophie' to that rail, Conan. You two wait here while I rent us a ship. And stay out of trouble. The 3WA 'tro cons' (trouble consultants who are intergalactic police officers) patrol this part of 'KKT'- a lot. Jack, please toss me that green satchel in your left saddle bag. The food's packed in the other one. Thanks. Be good little boys or I'll pound ya when I get back." snapped the blonde bombshell. Sister Dee jogged down the street and turned into an alley.

"She means it too, guys. Last dude that crossed 'Sis Dee' lost a few teeth." said, of all things, the 'steed beast'. Of course, in this time era and in this sector of space, all animals can speak and 'mind send' and 'mind speak', but to Conan, it was 'witchcraft' and to Jack, a 'marvelous miracle from the Enlightened One'. However, hee shrugged it off and politely asked 'Sophie' if she was hungry. She was and asked for a burger, fries and a vanilla shake! Sure enough, the girl had packed a separate parcel of food for the wondrous beast. Jack placed a small table before 'Sophie' with her lunch.

"Hungry, Cimmerian?" asked Jack, unpacking their own picnic lunch and laying things out on a nearby trestle table. Conan noticed that the building was a tavern and suddenly remembered that he was quite thirsty. "Nae, my friend. Thirsty. Coming?" asked the giant.

"Remember what the Boss told ya, guys. Stay outta trouble." warned 'Sophie'.

"We will be fine, noble animal. Yes, a cup of green tea will not come amiss, my friend." agreed Jack. The portals seemed to be 'stuck' so Conan grabbed the 'doors' and yanked them off their hinges. Jack sighed and helped Conan to set the 'doors' against the outside wall. The noise inside was so loud that nobody seemed to have noticed the missing portals. The two newbies sauntered in and sat at an empty table.

"Green tea, please, lovely maiden." said Jack to the cute serving 'droid. "Mead, girl and be quick about it. I have a powerful thirst." roared Conan and the 'droid whisked off to the bar.

Jack sipped his tea after a small prayer to the Enlightened One. "By Krom, that's good mead! More!" howled the Cimmerian. Several heads turned towards them.

"Who's the big sissy in the dress?" joked a short 'Symurian' miner. "Get a load of the big galloot in the antique armour, man!" laughed his companion, a tall and muscular 'Ryvolian' enforcer. "Just ignore them. Confucius say-" began Jack. "Stow it, matey! I haven't been in a good brawl since we got here, dammit! Who ya calling a guh-loot? And Jack's wearing a kimono, a Samurai robe and it ain't no damned dress neither!" screeched a very tipsy Cimmerian, clunking the two hecklers' heads together which burst like ripe melons! Conan did not know his own strength.

"Hullo! 3WA and quick, man! Get a couple of 'tro cons' over to the 'Drunkards' Roost' on Wilton Lane. Big dude's wrecking the joint and he just killed two men! Hurry up! (The barkeep slammed down his vidphone). Sorry boyos, bar's closed. Please leave in a quiet and orderly- Umphf! 'Sedric Barkowl' crumpled to the floor underneath three men tossed his way by the giant. Jack began karate chopping everyone in sight until the two 'tro cons' materialized and clapped 'forced beam cuffs' on him and Conan. Jack was led quietly to the speeder outside. Not so Conan who was confused when he could not break the thin bands of light around his brawny wrists. He swung at the male 'tro con' and- ZAP! The big guy was floored by a beam of 'stun' energy. The female 'tro con' returned and easily hefted the huge behemoth to her shoulders and carried him to her waiting speeder. They make 'em strong in 'Iburias' whence she hailed.

"Where the Hell'd they get to, dammit? Something tells me I know just where I'll find those two idiots." fumed 'Sister Dee' when she returned with a far from new 'B-Class star skimmer'. Leaving the rented ship docked on the tavern's roof, she hustled down the street to the 'Zandar Zan' precinct house.

END of Chapter 16. Chapter 17 'Jailbirds' or 'Heavenly Barter' to follow soon. BION folks, we are in the homestretch for this story. Please bear with us and thankee for your loyalty and support. As always, Read/Review/Suggest away.- Story Teller Guy


	17. Ch 17 'Jailbirds'Heavenly Barter'

VOV Chapter 17 'Jailbirds' or 'Heavenly Barter'

DISCLAIMER: Greetings to you, Honourable Readers & Devotees of these strange new worlds in this far distant future. I am a Samurai from ancient Japan and heir to the Divine Emporer. My name is Jack. I am traveling with an overgrown uncouth oaf from an ancient land known as 'Lemuria', from a region in the far North of his world called 'Cimmeria'. His name is 'Conan'. We are both here owing to the evil machinations of an evil warlord villain 'Aku' although friend 'Conan' insists that we have been hurled to this faroff place and time era by an evil wizard and sorcerer he names as 'Xaltotun'.

Be that as it may, we are now on our way to another world known a s'Victorine'. Currently, we are stuck on a world of two suns and nine moons known as 'Shimougou'. I have the honourable task of reading these strange words to all.

We wish to thank all of the honourable Creators whose works and characters we have used, are using or may use in the future. We especially wish to give our undying gratitude to the honourable Lord Haruka-San Takachiho without whose kindnesses, we would not be able to tell you of the astonishing adventures of these 'Lovely Angels'- not 'Dirty Pair', 'Conan'! If they had heard you, they would have taken umbrage at your brash words! Before 'Conan' insults anyone else, here is the next part of this marvelous saga. In the Holy name of the Enlightened One, we beg to present-

"Hullo! 3WA and quick, man! Get a couple of 'tro cons' over to the 'Drunkards' Roost' on Wilton Lane. Big dude's wrecking the joint and he just killed two men! Hurry up! (The barkeep slammed down his vidphone). Sorry boyos, bar's closed. Please leave in a quiet and orderly- Umphf! 'Sedric Barkowl' crumpled to the floor underneath three men tossed his way by the giant. Jack began karate chopping everyone in sight until the two 'tro cons' materialized and clapped 'forced beam cuffs' on him and Conan. Jack was led quietly to the speeder outside. Not so Conan who was confused when he could not break the thin bands of light around his brawny wrists. He swung at the male 'tro con' and- ZAP! The big guy was floored by a beam of 'stun' energy. The female 'tro con' returned and easily hefted the huge behemoth to her shoulders and carried him to her waiting speeder. They make 'em strong in 'Iburias' whence she hailed.

"Where the Hell'd they get to, dammit? Something tells me I know just where I'll find those two idiots." fumed I fumed when I had returned with a far from new 'B-Class star skimmer'. Leaving the rented ship docked on the tavern's roof, I hustled down the street to the 'Zandar Zan' precinct house.

"Yeah, kin I helps ya, kiddo?" asked 'Precinct Sergeant Heather Rush' when I walked into the 'Zandar Zan Precinct X-21' in 'Kara Kura Town' a few moments later. I doffed my sky bike helmet and shook out my blonde curls. Usually, I have to keep them tucked under that silly old wimple when I am wearing that drab nun's habit and Rosary.

"Hi there, Sarge. You remember me, don't ya? 'Brunhida von Zale'? (She looked at me like I was just a punk biker kid). Maybe you remember me as 'Sister Deirdre', 'Sister Dee'?" I replied.

"Oh yeah, now I 'members ya. What's ya need, Hon?" asked 'Heather', PDO unit in hand and fingers poised over the keyboard.

"Ya just brought in two strange dudes, one in a kimono and one that makes 'Andre the Giant' look like a shrimp?" I asked.

"Yeah. The big guy almost killed two miners and the other one keeps saying prayers to the Enlightened One. They yours, man?" the sergeant wanted to know. I nodded and fished out my vidwallet.

"We got 'em. You gonna be responsible for 'em? OK. Bail's set at a hunnert credits- each. You pay upstairs. First office on the left. Ya sure ya wanna bail 'em out? The one in the dress seems harmless enough, but the other one took six 'tro cons' to hold him! OK. Just show the guy upstairs this and pay him 200 UC's and they are all yours and you're welcome to 'em, kid. Oh and I'll just have the bill for damages to the pub sent to the Convent, OK?" said 'Sgt Rush'.

"Fine. Send it to my attention and I'll make sure the bill's paid. Think the two yokels'll sue 'em?" I asked and 'Heather' grinned.

"Those two? They make trouble every time they come to town. The less they have to do with the law, the better. Nah, they'll settle for a few hunnert- outta court. See ya at the fete this weekend, Hon?" replied the 'tro con'.

"Sure. Have a nice day, Darge. Bye." I said and headed for the lift. 200 Uc's plus police fees and other expenses later, I was the proud owner of our two newbies. Suddenly, 'Sr TC Ed Flagstaff' called me back to his office. I jogged back and he reminded me that my two charges were out on bail and warned me that they could not travel offworld.

Great! Now we were stuck with the two pests! And I had a rented ship to boot. Nothing to do but take the ship back which I did, with my two charges in tow. Then we started back up the trails to the Convent. 'Sis Clothy' was not pleased to see me back with our two new guests.

I wheeled Jack's '1600' and led the steed beast back to the garages. Then I returned and put my skycycle away. We were all ordered to report to 'Gramps'. We found the Abbot in the kitchen where he was assisting 'Sis Pammie', another novice nun, with dinner preparations. He beamed at us and put the 'boys' to work peeling spuds. I found out later that 'Gramps' had contacted 3WA HQ in 'Rangaroon', the closest town with a 3WA base. The CO there had promised him that she would expedite matters and gain permission for our two guests to travel to 'Victorine' in a few days.

"You two young-uns are lucky that you didn't kill those two miner yokels in that pub. I've been in touch with the 3WA chief at 'Rangaroon' and she promised faithfully that she would square things with Chief Garner. That means you two can be flown to 'Victorine' in a few days by 'Sister Deirdre' here. (He glanced sharply at the blonde novice nun) You should have kept that blasted rental ship instead of returning it. Better go back to town tomorrow and rent another one. Bring it back here and you two had best stay here at the Convent and keep outta sight. In case those yokels you beat up have any friends who want revenge for them. OK. Go and set the tables, boyos." said 'Grandfather Casterlaine'.

Jack and Conan left for the huge dining hall without another word. They were indeed lucky. 'Sister Dee' announced that she was going to feed 'Sophie' and brush her down before supper.

"You want me to authorize what, 'Charlotte'?" yelled '3WA Territorial Sector Chief Garner' who could not believe his ears.

"You heard me, Charlie. Two of your 'displaced' baboons almost killed two miners in one of our taverns. The miners want blood, so I want you to authorize them to be transported offworld to 'Victorine'. I am only a 'Regional Sector Chief' so it needs your OK. Charlie, the sooner I get rid of those two clowns, the better!" replied '3WA Regional Sector Chief Charlotte Lansing' and then held her vidphone receiver a half metre away from her ear when her boss started yelling again.

"OK Lottie, I'll cut through the red tape for you. When do you want them to leave your bailiwick?" asked the TSC with a sigh.

"Is tomorrow morning too soon?" pleaded Lottie and he acquiesced. Anything to keep that firebrand happy.

"Fine. Tomorrow they'll be authorized for offworld travel. Say around 0900 hours (9 AM local time)? By the by, where are you keeping them?" replied her boss.

"At the old Convent in the mountains, Charlie. Oh, you'll need their names too. The quiet one's a Samurai from old Terra. His name is 'Jack'. His gigantic pal is from ancient Terra, from a place called 'Cimmeria' in 'Lemuria'. His name is 'Conan' and he's a Northern Barbarian and from what I've heard, he certainly is a wild one. He snashed two miners' heads together and they popped like ripe melons! It's a miracle he didn't kill 'em both! As it is, they'll be in hospital for a few weeks. Oh and you'd better send a 'tro-con' along to accompany them on the voyage. So far, the 'Abbot' is sending them with one of the novices, 'Sister Deirdre' who was going to rent a spacecraft for the trip. However, you'll be needing a craft for the 'TC' so, 'Sister Dee' won't need to rent one after all, will she?" explained Lottie, crushing out her fifth cigarette of the day. She limited herself to eleven smokes a day and made up the difference with 'Schnapps'.

"Her name is 'Deirdre'? No relation to our 'Deirdre' ('Supreme Grand Marshall Kei O'Halloran'), I take it? (Lottie assured him that the novice nun was from Terra, not 'Shimougou') That's good. Hmmn. I have a new 'Jr TC' who is just itching for an assignment. Her name's 'Greta Van Eckels' and she can take care of herself. I'll send her in a shuttle since there'll only be the four of 'em. If she leaves now, she should 'touch down' (aka making 'planetfall') tomorrow around 0800 hours, 8 AM your time. They can breakfast together and then she can fly them to 'Vic', OK?" said Charlie Garner.

"Sounds like a plan to me, Charlie. I'll tell 'Gramps' to expect 'Miss Van Eckels'. Ciao." replied Lottie Lansing.

"Just make damned sure that those two don't go wandering off the Convent grounds and be sure that they bring the 'H400' and old 'Sophie' with them along with the novice's 'skycycle' and whatever other junk they have with 'em. This will be a one-way trip for our two newbies although 'Greta' will return 'Deirdre' to the Convent before she comes back home to 'Elenore City'. Good luck, kid. Garner out." said Lottie's boss, hanging up her vidphone's receiver.

Lottie Lansing concentrated her 'mind send' and thought all of what she had just learned to 'Gramps' Casterlaine, the Abbot at the mountain Convent. A few seconds later, the old 'Time Lord' 'mind sent' his acknowledgement back to the 'RSC'.

Later that same night, a signal was relayed to the 'Abbess', 'Sister Clothilda' from Garner's office by his own assistant, 'Fiona MacCrimmon' which contained all of the necessary vidtape work needed to allow 'Jack' and 'Conan' to be transported offworld in the morning when 'Jr TC Greta Van Eckels' arrived with a shuttlecraft at the Convent.

"Best retire early this evening, 'Dee'. 'TC Van Eckels' will arrive by eight tomorrow morning. 'Sister Clothy' has just delivered a relay signal to me containing the needed vidtapes to get you and our boyos off this world and onto 'Victorine'. You'll be lifting off at nine tomorrow so be sure the 'steed beast', 'Jack's bike and your own 'skycycle' along with all of your luggage is ready to be 'beamed' aboard the shuttle as soon as it arrives. Netter make sure 'Conan' and 'Jack' are packed up tonight. They will be staying on 'Vic', however, the 'TC' will be bringing you back here in a week or two, 'Sister'. Have the boyos report to me before they turn in. Oh and you will report with them, my dear. We will have one last tea session together. You may go now." said 'Gramps' the 'Abbot' and 'Dee' sighed and left to carry out her orders.

"Oh well, at least I won't have to wear that old 'habit' and 'wimple' for awhile." mused 'Dee' to herself. The 'Abbess' had insisted, however, that she must wear her 'Rosary Chain' and her 'Crucifix' beneath her wardrobe at all times. Atleast, she could wear pants and normal clothing for the trip and she grinned to herself. Then she hurried to tell the Samurai and the Barbarian of the latest orders from 'Gramps'. They'll go over like a lead balloon, but orders are orders.

"Thank you, dear 'Sister' for acquainting us with the old one's instructions." said 'Jack', with a sweeping bow.

"I'll be damned glad to leave this cheerless dump, girl. How long will the trip take?" grumbled 'Conan'.

"A week or maybe a little less, sir. I have never been there before. Get packed up and be sure you get a good night's sleep because we'll be leaving early tomorrow morning- nine o'clock." explained 'Sister Dee' and they both grinned. Nine o'clock AM was far from being 'early' for them.

At 0600 hours or six in the morning for you non-military types, 'Conan' and 'Jack' were both hammering on 'Sister Dee's 'cell' portal and getting no response. 'Conan' was about to kick down the door when a small elderly grey-haired nun popped her head around the corner and squinted through a monocle at them.

"If you gentlemen are looking for 'Sister Deirdre', she and the other novices have been at morning prayers since four o'clock, sirs. A little less noise if you please. I have been on night watch all of the blessed night and you have awakened me prematurely." said 'Sister Griselda', sounding a mite cranky.

"We apologize, 'Sister'. Where are these prayers held?" asked 'Jack', politely bowing to the older lady.

"In the chapel, but they will not be finished until seven. Why not have some breakfast?" she replied, pointing towards the kitchens.

"Thank you, 'Sister'. Sorry to have disturbed you." said 'Jack' with yet another bow which disgusted the 'Barbarian'.

"Goodness. I will not be sorry when those two leave us. Your pardon I beg, 'Saint Bridget', for my harsh thoughts." mused the older nin to herself and returned to her own 'cell' to resume her broken slumbers.

"About damned time you showed up, girl. When do we leave?" grumbled 'Conan' who was finishing his tenth bowl of porridge. 'Jack' have him a withering look, but said nothing. He smiled at the novice who was wearing her full nun's regalia.

"As soon as the shuttle gets here, man. I'll have some vittles with you and then I'll get outta this get-up and into my traveling togs. Take all of your gear out to the garage and pile it as close as you can to 'Sophie' and the two bikes so we can 'beam' it aboard as soon as the 'TC' gets here. She's due in an hour. Better ask the kitchen novices for some food and bevs for the voyage. I'll meet ya back in the main hall. And try and be quiet. I heard ya woke up the old battleaxe, 'Sister Grisey' and wanted to break in our morning prayers. Behave yerselves, darn it. See ya later." said 'Sister Dee', snatching up a banana and a mug of java and heading for her 'cell'.

"Yo, Light! How's about some loading help, kid? With the big geek ('Ryuuk' the shinigami death god was on loan to help with the construction of the new 'Victoria' branch of the 3WA HQ building) away, it' tough work, man!" yelled 'Bear', one of the 'Ice Road Brigade' drivers.

"Not to worry, sir. One of the 'Shimougou' novice nuns is bringing in two new guys. She should be here in a few days with 'Jack' and 'Conan'. They're both strong guys and 'Conan's a giant. Take a break already. These shipments of 'Nitroglycine' blocks don't leave 'Vic' until the weekend and it's still Monday, sir." replied the 'Death Notebook' kid from ancient Terran Japan.

"Ain't they the two guys that almost killed two miners in a bar fight in the 'Girols' last week?" asked 'Bear', stroking his beard.

"The same, but Mr Garner got 'em off the hook and they're gonna be with us for awhile. OK, that's it for today, guys. Time for supper and some relaxation time. Hey! 'Father Alex'! Lock up the yard for me, will ya? Thankee." said 'Light Yagami', pocketing his PDO unit and yawning. It had been one Helluva long day. Light knew that 'Grets' ('Greta Van Eckels) and 'Hansy', her brother, were ferrying in the two new guys and that 'Sister Deirdre' was coming with them. She could take the mail back with her for the convent and that village at the foot of the mountain pass near it. It would save him a trip offworld.

"As soon as those two new bozos get here, put 'em to work loadin' up the space rigs, kid. Grab 'em afore 'Walker' grabs 'em fer that new 3WA HQ building in the new city. He can have 'em after they finish the loading. Wish I knew who broke that damned 'transporter'. Well, see ya at the supper tables, kid." chortled 'Dynamo', the big 'Triceratops' yard boss who doubled as a space ship chief engineer.

Light knew that 'Ed Appledore' and 'Winry Rockabelle' had been 'studying' the 'transporter' innards and had been unable to reassemble the mechanisms. However, he was not about to tell that to the big dinosaur guy. 'Grets' and 'hansy' were also ferrying in a repair guy named 'Rock Obajima', formerly of the 'Black Lagoon Company' on Terra. Rock would have the 'transporter' up and running in just a few short hours after he arrived.

"Strap yerselves in, kiddies. I'm takin' us down. Cut the thrusters on my mark, 'Hansy'. 3, 2, 1- Mark! Fire afterburners. Now we just sit back and let them 'tractor' us through the 'gravity well'. Brace yerselves, kiddies. The 'G Force'll be terrific. Hang on!" warned 'Grets'. To her and her brother, of course, touch downs were old hat. However, this was 'Sister Dee's first time offworld. 'Grets' had no idea if 'Jack' the Samurai and 'Conan' the 'Thing' had ever even been in a starship before. The small shuttlecraft bucked and pitched like mad until they finally settled down atop the new spaceport tower complex in the new city in 'Victorine'.

"Last stop! Everyone out. Make sure your junk's all on the 'transporter' pads." called 'Hansy'. "And yerselves, guys. 'Dee'? You're to report with the 'Bobsey Twins' to the HQ hut. Don't forget the mail fer the village and the convent. What the Hell? Damned 'transporter' ain't workin'! Yo, HQ! Our 'transporter's on the fritzy. We'll need transport after we de-plane. 'Grets' out." growled the lovely new junior TC. 'Grets' was a sub-ensign. Her brother was a newly promoted first lieutenant. 'Grets' pinned a big golden 'V' badge on the novice nun and buckled on her gunsash. She hated these new-fangled weapons and preferred her trusty crowwbow same as 'Hansy' much preferred his shotgun. Oh yeah, the siblings were 'witch hunters' or had been before they had been 'press ganged' into the 3WA.

"Greetings, fair ladies. Staying long?" asked 'Subaltern Tomah Jordan' who was busily engaged with fixing the 'transporter' systems.

"Just overnight, 'Suba'. Then I hafta ferry the nun here back to 'Shim'. 'Handy', better take these two bozos to see the 'Alley Cat'. They'll probably get 'press ganged' as loaders until 'Suba Jordan' fixes the 'transporters'. I'm beat. I'm gonna take a shower, man." said 'Grets'.

"Yo 'Hansy'! I got 'dibs' on the big guy!" yelled 'Light Yagami', the 'truck push'. "It's only fair since 'Walker' took 'Ryuuk' for his construction job in the city." he added.

"We will be happy to assist your honourable selves in any way we can, sir." said 'Samurai Jack'.

"When do we eat, dammit?" grumbled 'Conan'. The giant had polished off all the food in the ship's pantry a few hours ago.

"You tell 'Her Nibs' that the next time 'Edward' and 'Winry' take this thing apart, I ain't a-gonna fix it for her." growled 'Tomah'. When 'Rock Obajime' had been assigned to the 'Lusitania Queen' starship as science officer, 'Tomah' had been ordered off his mission to 'Pluto' and commanded to come here and fix the 'transporters'.

When 'Jack' and 'Conan' had been escorted by 'Hansy' to 'Her Nibs's 'office' in the big quonset hut, 'Allison Poe-Prydonia' had waved them to seats. 'Jack' had swept off his hat and bowed magnificently to the lady while the giant had merely flopped down in a chair and crashed to the floor, breaking the newly 'repped' chair in the process.

"Better take the divan, big guy." whispered the Samurai. 'Conan' had grunted and pitched the wrecked chair through the open portal and half way down the hallway. Then he eased himself gingerly onto the huge sofa.

"That will not break, sir. Its base is pure Kelvinite. So you are the two that are giving 'Mr Garner' fits eh? You almost killed two poor miners on 'Shimougou'." said the short and chunky redhead, bobbing her head to her new visitors.

"He did that, Madam, not I." explained the Samurai. And I thought that Samurai were big brave warriors?

"They started it, Madam 'Alley Cat'. They was askin' fer it and I give 'em what fer." added the big galloot who had finished half a bowl of potato chips and was now drinking java out of the Samovar java urn.

"Manners!" seethed 'Jack' who shrugged his shoulders and sat down delicately in a chair.

"OK, that is now all water over the bridges, gentlemen. You will be 'loaders' until 'Mr Ryuuk' returns or 'Mr Jordan' repairs the 'transporters', whichever comes first. 'Lord Dynamo' is te 'yard supervisor' and 'Mr Yagami' is his 'truck push'. After you have completed the loading detail, you will both be used as 'day labourers' for 'Mr Walker' in our new city. As the dinner hour gong has sounded, you may as well come to the dining hall with me. Oh and, by the by, my name is 'Allison' or 'Allie'. I am the first President of 'Victorine'. I do not wish to be referred to as 'Alley Cat' ever again. Is that quite clear, 'Mr Conan', sir?" said 'Madam President' and 'Jack' bowed deeply to her and then offered her his arm.

"Whatever, babe." belched 'Conan', tossing the empty bowl and urn out the window.

"One just cannot get good help nowadays, Madam. From one ruler to another, that is. However, he does try." said 'Jack', casting a baleful look at his traveling companion.

"Here, son. Lemme give ya a hand with that load. Why ain't ya using the lift speeder, boyo?" growled the huge thing that looked like a Triceratops dinosaur who was smoking a foul-smelling stogie.

"What's a lift speedy whatever ya call it, beast? Besides, Conan needs no help with such a small thing." snarled the giant Barbarian to Dynamo. Conan had a 45 tons Kelvinite building foundation on each shoulder and he hauled them both as if they weighed no more than two feathers!

Dynamo was amazed. Sure, the Triceratops alien dinosaur was strong, but not even he could lift more than a ton or two at a time. Jack drove past them both in a big lift speeder and loaded several huge crates onto Bear's space rig. Conan heaved both foundations onto Erik's rig and double-timed it back for another load.

"Where'd ya find those two loaders, Light?" yelled Hugh, the Polar Bear who was helping Alex the Ice Roads' Minister load his space rig with 'replicators' for the workers who were building the new city's hospital.

"Dunno, Hugh. 'Grets' flew in with 'em a few hours ago. Guess they came through another rift." replied Light Yagami.

"Miz Poe-Prydonia said we'd be getting more displaced folks since those guys on the tournament committee erased Universes 9 and 10. The good Lord-" said Alex and everyone ignored him, as usual.

"Just what we need, man! More people, dammit!" grumbled Drew whose space rig wa sin for repairs again the same as it usually was back on the Terran ice roads of the Arctic.

"What the Hell'd ya do to yer rig this time, Drew?" asked Rick, tossing another bag of powdered 'Silennamite' explosives onto his rig. This was a new noiseless explosive which ignited and then exploded when it came into contact with plain ordinary water.

"He thought the warp core engine was a java maker so he put ground java flakes and water into the afterburners!" yelled 'Blackfire' angrily. She had been unfortunate enough to be paired with Drew. This was the same Ice Roader who had once lost a battery box from his rig back on the Terran ice roads!

"Hey! Rick! Make sure your rig's cargo bay floor is dry or you'll blow us all to kingdom come, man!" howled 'Ichigo Kurosaki', the substitute soul reaper kid. He was assisting Light Yagami with the 'truck push' duties.

"Yo, 'Blackie'! What's this thing do?" asked Drew, his fingers on the 'phaser' control knob.

"That's the damned 'phasers', stupido! Fire them and you'll fry the huts, dumbass!" yelped 'Blackfire', yanking his hand off the blaster controls. "Hard to believe you guys used to drive rigs without weapons on Terra, man!" she added.

A smiling Jack jogged across the compound carrying a new PDO unit. He handed it to 'Blackfire'. "Orders from Miss Allie, mum. I am to accompany you and Mr Drew to the new city and help you to unload when we get there. Mr Tomah said that it would be two more days before the 'transporters' are repaired. Either of you seen Conan? He's to accompany Miss Lisa. She is ferrying supplies in for us from 'Shimougou'." explained the tall Samurai.

Blackie cocked a thumb at Drew's space rig. "Get aboard. You too, Drew. I'll go round up the jolly green giant for Lisa. He won't be too far from the dining hall and kitchens. Be right back, guys. Don't touch anything." said the 'Teen Titan' girl. Jack was all agog at the array of console controls and Drew was explaining to him what they were used for when Blackie jogged back and climbed aboard the rig.

"OK. The big guy's with Lisa. As soon as she's finished her pre-flight checks, they'll be lifting off for home- 'Shim'. Take us up, Drew- carefully. Climb into the 'gravity well' and we'll be yanked 'offworld' for the trip to 'Victoria City'. Ya know how to get there? (Drew nodded) OK. Our deliveries are for the new 3WA HQ building. Let's go." ordered the svelte brunette.

All went well and in fifteen minutes, they had cleared 'Victorine's aether and were rocketing across the planet.

"Looks like we're all set, big guy. Lisa here. Requesting permission to lift off for 'Elenore City' on 'Shimougou'. Over." said the cute blonde space trucker pilot into her vidmike.

"Roger that, Lisa. Have a pleasant voyage and don't do anything that I wouldn't do, Sweetie. Roshii out." replied the lecherous old Sensei master from the makeshift 'tower' at the far end of the compound beside the lake.

"Thanks, sir. Lisa out." she replied and lifted off smoothly nto the 'grav well's 'cyclone' which catapulted her rig out of 'Vic's aether and into deep space. "Well, we are on our way, Mr Conan. Any questions?" chortled the blonde ice roader.

"When do we eat, Honey?" asked the huge Barbarian warrior who had just finished dinner less than an hour ago.

"Good Kami! More? You just had a dozen of everything before we left, man! Here. Eat a 'Sensu Bean'. One of those is the same as a week's worth of meals or so Mr Brief (Vegeta) told me. For heaven's sake, go look in the fridge back there in the galley." said Lisa who was busily dodging a group of 'small' asteroids, the smallest of which was the size of Terra's New York City.

"Wanna split a hunnert cheesesteaks, kid?" howled the big guy. "No, but you could make up two for me with everything and some fries and a shake. Thanks. Whoa! Where'd that ship come from. man? Don't make a mess in my kitchen either or I'll pound ya. Soon as I get through this asteroid field, I'll put us on 'George' for the night. I'm bushed." yawned Lisa.

"I'm bored, girl. Ain't there no taverns along the way where a guy kin get a drink, love?" grumbled Conan.

"We are on a schedule, big guy. However, maybe it will be OK for us to stop off at the 'Flaky Asteroid'. That's an old 'battle moon' converted into a space riggers' rest stop and bar. We'll be there in another two hours. Why don't ya sack out for awhile? I have us on 'auto pilot'." replied Lisa who was sick of the Barbarian's whining.

"Who is this 'Arthur Pilot' guy, girl?" he asked and Lisa had had enough of this boorish guy.

"Not 'Arthur', 'Auto'. That means that the ship is flying itself and following a course I have laid in. By the way, Mt Conan- my name is Lisa, not girl or love. Got it? You can use one of the back bedrooms. I'm gonna sack out right here on the bridge. I'll wake ya when we get to 'Flaky's' place. 'Night." yawned the blonde and Conan stomped off for some shut-eye.

"Are you sure you want to activate this control, Mr Drew, sir?" asked the space rig's computer programming unit.

"Of course I am, dammit! Just do like I say, ya dumb machine!" yelled Drew.

"Very well, sir. This ship will self destruct in ten solar minutes." replied 'Algernon' and klaxons went off all over the vessel.

"Now what?" grumbled 'Blackstar', snatching up her kimono and bolting down the corridor where she caromed into Jack.

"Miss Blackstar? What is making all of this noise?" asked the tall Samurai, bowing deeply.

"This vessel will self destruct in eight minutes. Please prepare to abandon ship." said 'Algernon' woodenly.

"Drew!" chorused Jack and Blackie simultaneously. They both made for the bridge.

"Ain't 'Self D' the 'Auto Pilot'?" howled Drew who was striking controls at random causing the vessel to fishtail all over the place. Blackie grabbed the vid mike and shouted "Cancel self-destruct! Now, dammit!" and the klaxons went silent.

"Self Destruct has been cancelled. Please disregard 'Abandon Ship' orders." said 'Algernon' in the same flat tone.

"Drew! 'Self D' stands for 'Self Destruct'! You almost blew us all up, man! 'Algernon', please engage 'George'. Thank you." said 'Blackstar', dropping her vid mike. "Jack, please get this moron outta my sight before I kill the bastard!" fumed Blackie.

"Melvina! Hard a-starboard (Turn right)! Since when are there 'space rigs' this far out from 'Shimougou', 'Jimbo'?" growled 'Captain Gene Starwind', the reformed outlaw whose 'Outlaw Star' and crew had been hired by the 'IGSC' ('InterGalactic Space Command') to hunt down 'Corallian' pirates in this sector of the 'Aquarian Galaxy'.

"Dunno, 'Gene'. Yo! 'Hilda'! Ya know anything about 'space rigs' this far out, man?" yelled 'Lt Commander James 'Jimbo' Hawkins' who was 'Gene's exec. 'Melvina' was their pilot-robot gal and 'Hot Ice Hilda' was their weapons officer.

"Didn't either of you two idjits bother to read the 'Galactic Compendium' updates for this week? There's a relay service now between 'Shimougou' and 'Victorine' for supplies to the new 'Victoria City' being run by the 3WA. Try hailing them, boyos." shouted 'Hilda', blasting at a small asteroid the size of Terra's 'Luxembourg'.

"Ahoy 'space rig'! This is the 'Outlaw Star' on a mission for the 'IGSC'. Name's Hawkins. Identify yerself. Over." said 'Jimbo' into his vid mike.

"Roger that, Hawkins. 'Space Rig 3' out of 'Victorine' here. Deliverin' a load of 'Silennamite' to 'Elenore City' on 'Shim'. Pleased to know ya, man. Name's 'Blackfire'. My pilot is Drew. Over." replied 'Blackie'.

"If you two lovebirds are done, the 'Adonis Arch' is off our port bow (Left front). Turn left already, man!" fumed 'Hilda'.

"That's our destination too, Hawkins. Lead the way and we'll follow. 'Blackfire' out." said 'Blackie'.

"The lady says left so left it is, Sweetheart." chortled 'Gene'.

"Ooh! I don't like dark tunnels, 'Gene-Gene'. They are so scary!" whined 'Aisha ClanClan', one of the ship's gunners who was also part wildcat. Yeah, I thought wildcats were fierce and fearless too. Go figure huh?

"Hey Gene! What was the name of my last 'mark' and did we get paid for it?" yelled 'Twilight Suzuka' who was the ship's 'assassin' and she was damned good at her job too.

"Jimbo? You heard the lady. Stop being such a baby, Aisha. Nothing in the dark to hurt the lil kitty cat." chuckled Gene which infuriated the 'Ctarl Ctarl' nekomata wildcat.

"We got a million for 'Zagat Voor', Twilight." called Jimbo who was ship's bookkeeper and exec.

"Whew! That much huh? Guess we're pretty well fixed now eh?" said Gene.

"We got paid in 'Woolongs', Gene. A Universal 'penny' is a 'Woolong's worth these days so no, we need more bread, man." replied Jimbo.

"Captain? A ship is trying to pass us, sir." said Melvina.

"Huh? Hail 'em, Jimbo. If I was in my speeder, I'd signal 'em to pass us, man. What kinda shop, Mel?" asked Gene Starwind.

"Another 'space truck', Captain." replied Melvina.

"Ahoy there! Unidentified 'space rig'. This is the 'Outlaw Star'. Hawkins speaking. What the Hell are ya tryin' to do, man? Over." trilled Jimbo Hawkins.

"Just out fer a joyride, kid. Colonel Xylo Phone speakin'. Ya ever heard of their ship, Bobby?" trilled a husky feminine voice.

"Nope. Uh, Brigadier Robert Hogan here. Who's your commander? Over." trilled Bob Hogan who was engaged to Xylo. They were taking a flight to 'Kagura' for a round of golf.

"That you, Hogan? Gene Starwind, man. We're uh, on assignment. Wanna pass me? Go ahead, but steer clear of my afterburners, man. Heard you were gettin' hitched? The lady with ya yer intended bride, Bob? Over." trilled Gene.

"Yup! Say hullo to Gene Starwind, Honey. Gene's an old friend of mine from 'Shimougou'. We're headed fer 'Kagura'. Over." trilled Bob Hogan.

"I'm cutting around yer starboard side, Starwind. Pleased to meet ya, man. Over." trilled Xylo, cutting sideways around the smaller ship. Both of them were inside the 'Adonis Arch'. She swept the huge 'space rig' easily past the smaller gunship.

"OK. Have a pleasant voyage, kids. Starwind out." trilled Gene. Xylo flashed her rear exterior lights and gave 'em a blast on her klaxons.

The 'Star' finally slipped out of the 'Arch' and turned hard aport. "Outer markers in sight, sir. Inner markers an hour away." said Melvina and Gene put the ship on 'George'.

"Yo! When's chow time, Gene? I'm starvin', man!" howled Aisha ClanClan, no lobger afraid since they had left the dark tunnel.

"Twilight, break out some rations for our kitty cat. Thanks." said Jimbo, earning himself a dirty look from the catgirl.

"Inner markers dead ahead, Cap." said Melvina. "That's a roger, Honey." replied Gene.

"This is 'Elenore Tower', 'Outlaw Star'. You have been assigned to the Eastern sector, Corridor 7 on Level 657 and your docking bay number is 7-V. Docking fee is 300 UniCredits and will be deducted from your account when you dock. Please put your ship on 'auto pilot' now. Docking will be handled from our end. Have a pleasant stay. 'ET' out." announced a crisp, businesslike female voice.

Gene put the 'Star' on 'George' and sat back in his chair. "And leave the driving to the nice lady. Wonder if all their tower personnel are broads, eh Jimbo?" chuckled Gene, earning him black looks from Aisha, Twilight and Hilda. Melvina merely smiled and went to her quarters to get decent again. For some strange reason, Melvina had to power the ship stark naked!

"Should I break out one of our shuttles, Gene?" asked Jimbo. Gene shook his head. "Nah. We'll rent a couple of speeders. After all, 'IGSC's paying, not us, right?" replied Gene who was checking the actions on his blasters.

"Where are we staying, Starwind?" demanded Aisha, their nekomata 'kitten'. "Hildy and Twilight are gettin' really ripe and they both need a bath. So do I, guys." she added.

Melvina returned to the bridge wearing one of her new pantsuits- white with a black turtleneck and 'sensible' walking boots.

"Let's see. Hey! They've got a nice suite at the 'Damocles Towers', a penthouse no less, man. Only 5K Unis a month. Guess we can layover here for awhile since we busted up that Corallian space pirate ring. Our bonuses should have come through by now. You gals'll love 'EC'. There are three big malls, shops and get this- a cut-rate armoury and we need some more big guns. I'll just use my trusty PDO unit and reserve that suite before it's gone and rent us three speeders. Ain't it nice not havin' to pinch 'senny sens' this trip?" said Gene.

"Any decent carpentry mills in the city, Captain? My 'bokka' (a Samurai 'katana sword' made entirely of bamboo wood) needs a good sharpening and a coat of shellac too." asked Twilight Suzuka.

"EC's got everything and then some, kiddies. Looks like we are docking, guys." said Gene.

"Last one to the 'transporter's a rotten egg foo young!" yelled Jimbo, racing for the 'transporter' pads. Their gear had been sitting on the pads ever since they had reached 'Shimougou's outer markers. Hildy was wearing the latest 'Blue Maverick' flight suit while Aisha was in tee shirt, 'Saints' jacket and jeans.

Twilight, as always, was wearing a long kimono belted by a bright red 'obi' (sash). Across her back was her trusty 'bokka' and in her robe's pocket was a small but deadly miniblaster and several 'power packs'. The assassin preferred her 'bokka' but for close-in fighting, Gene had suggested a hand blaster that the other carried. Jimbo and Gene wore jeans, sweatshirts, deck boots and NFL jackets. Gene was a Dallas Cowboys fan while Jimbo preferred the 'San Diego Chargers'. They all had their fave teams and the 'SuperBowl' was only a few weeks off.

"Here are your codes and vidkeys for your speeders, 'Mr Windstar', sir. Enjoy our fair city." said the cheery female 'droid at the speeder rentals agency. Gene thanked her/it and immediately commandeered the flashy red one for he, Jim and Mel. Hildy and Twilight got the black one while Aisha and the ship's computer programme (Now a holograph that resembled 'Alfred Pennyworth' from 'Batman' and called himself 'James Mortimer Deets') got the green speeder.

"Take us to 'Damocles Towers', please." yelled Aisha. "Excuse me, 'Madam CtarlCtarl', but this not a voice controlled vehicle. May I suggest that I operate this motorized carriage?" replied 'J M Deets' and the catgirl got very red indeed.

"Are ya implyin' that I cain't pilot this pice o' vrap, boyo? Siddown and buckle yerslf in, pal. Hold onto yer fancy garters, man. And away we go!" crowed Aisha, rocketing across the aether with no idea where she was going. Luckily, 'J M' had 'plugged into' the speeder's navigational system and expertly directed their 'kitten' to their destination- in jig time.

Of course, both Twilight and Hildy had been to 'EC' many times in the past and they knew exactly where 'Damocles Towers' was- and who lived there as well! (AN: Under assumed names, the Angelic 'Unholy Four' used this downtown apartment house of flats as their home base- whenever they were home).

Gene and Jimbo had no intention of heading for the penthouse suite yet. They were headed for the 'Yucca Flats Arsenol' for some much needed 'big guns' first. Mel sat in back and 'oohed' and 'ahhed' at everything. This was her first look at a real planet and an actual 'civilized' city.

"About time you three bozos showed up, dammit." seethed Hildy in a very icy voice. Guess that's why she's called 'Hot Ice Hilda', eh? Seems that the desk clerk at the 'DT' had refused to allow any of the ladies or the 'strange gentleman' ('J M Deets') into their reserved penthouse suite without Gene's OK.

"We been coolin' our tootsies fer hours in this damned dump!" shrieked Aisha at the top of her feline lungs.

"Most unbecoming for a lady, Miss CT. Manners." admonished 'J M Deets'.

"And there ain't no carpenters in this whole blamed city, Big Mouth! Every single one of 'em's been shanghaied to 'Victorine'. Nearest carpenter's on 'Kagura'- a whole day's voyage from here." fumed Twilight.

"Two solar days' voyage, Miss Suzuka. This is Western 'Shimougou' and 'Kagura' is off Eastern 'Shimougou'." supplied 'J M'.

"Even worse news. We need a new 'warp core' and that means a trip to Mars! That's a three days' jaunt." growled Hildy.

"Your key codes and vidkeys, sir. If you are going to make a scene, kindly do it in your own suite which, thank Kami, is sound-proofed. Have a nice stay. Your luggage has already been 'transported' for you. Good day." said the very patient desk clerk who was an 'Iglarian' and nearly three metres in height. No person or alien in his/her/its right mind would want to meet this guy in a dark alley!

"I was wondering if I had gotten the right suite, ladies, gentlemen. Now that you are all here, I have some bad news for you." said the slight dapper gentleman seated on the Chesterfield sofa. He was smoking a long thin cheroot and sipping a greenish-grey liquid from a brandy snifter.

"Who the Hell are you, man?" yelped Twilight Suzuka, whipping out her tiny miniblaster.

END of Chapter 17. Chapter 18 'New Assignment' or 'Twilight Hitches A Ride' coming soon. Who is this strange chap who was awaiting the arrival of the 'Outlaw Star' mob? All will be revealed soon. A bit early but Happy Hall-o-we'en to everyone. Have a swell Indian Summer and Autumn.- Your Friendship Team c/o Story Teller Guy.


	18. Ch18'NewAssignment'TwilightHitchesRide

VOV Chapter 18 'New Assignment' or 'Twilight Hitches A Ride'

DISCLAIMER: Greetings dear friends and loyal readers! Yup! It is I. Your pal, 'Story Teller Guy', your humble Literary Agent. Everyone in our tale is otherwise engaged so it is up to moi to deliver the usual palaver which we all know by heart, right? 'Nuff said eh? OK.

Thankee to everyone who is allowing us to use their Creations and tit for tat with our own Creations so long as we get just credit for them. Fine. Now back to the story.

When last we left you, a mysterious visitor awaited the 'Outlaw Star' crew in their hotel suite on 'Elenore City'. Twilight Suzuka, the svelte and pretty assassin, was unable to find a carpenter anywhere in town and needed a lift to 'Kagura' to find a carpenter to sharpen and re-varnish her wooden 'bokka' sword. That catches us up, right? Great! And away we go!

"Hullo there, Gene, Jimbo. Afraid the 3WA has a new assignment for you guys. You're to rendezvous with a chap you may remember, Starwind- Arsene Lupin III and his group- on 'Minerva'. They are expecting you and Lupin will explain your new mission. Any questions?" asked the dapper gentleman whom Gene now recognized as the 3WA Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner.

"Long time, no see, Mr G. Problem is we need to add some new armaments to the 'Star' and our newbie here (He pointed to the kimono-clad Twilight) needs to bum a ride to 'Kagura' to have her 'bokka' sharpened and stuff." explained Gene.

"And Melvina and Aisha need some traveling clothes, Gene. Remember?" put in Jimbo Hawkins.

"Right. I forgot about 'Miss Nude 2260' (Melvina had to be completely naked to power the ship) and our tomcat gal (Aisha was a nekomata catgirl), Jimbo." replied Gene.

"How much?" asked Garner, reaching for his vidwallet. The crew wanted 35K Unis but settled for 30K instead. "Miss Suzuka? I would be deeply honoured to run you over to 'Kagura' and then back here. Welcome to the team. That goes for Miss CtarlCtarl (Aisha) and Miss Melvina (Mel was the android girl who 'powered' their ship) as well. One more thing, guys and ladies. I want this clearly understood, Gene. Lupin is in charge of your new mission. He has the- um- necessary expertise to handle things. That is- uh-" stammered Garner.

"Ya mean that the job calls for a crook, right?" asked Aisha. "An expert thief I think he means. Right, Mr G?" added Jimbo.

"Yes, that is exactly what I mean, folks. (He glanced at his fancy wristchromo) Let's see- Three days to get to 'Kagura', get Miss Suzuka's toy fixed and get back here. Will you guys have the 'Star' operational by then? (Gene nodded. Fitting the new armaments and warp core would be a one day job. But why tell Garner that? Gene wanted to explore 'EC') Finestkind then. I will expect you to lift off for 'Minerva' no later than 1800 hours (6 PM) Friday evening. Agreed? (They all nodded glumly. Not much time for shopping and boozing at all) OK. My 'Blackmail Special' (Garner's shuttlecraft) is in Slot 8-C on Level 1500 of the tower. Need to pack a bag, Twilight dear?" asked the kindly gentleman Chief, but the assassin shook her head.

"Then I will leave you folks to get to work and shopping and whatever. Follow me, Twilight dear. (Garner pulled out his vidcellphone and tapped out a vidcode number, spoke rapidly a few seconds, then hung up) The 'BS' is all juiced up and ready to fly. I just vidded my pilot and she'll be waiting for us. See you all on Friday. Don't take any wooden 'woolongs'. Ha ha." said Garner and he left with his arm around Twilight's shoulders. Gene winced. The last time he had tried that trick, he had ended up on the wrong end of her 'bokka' blade! However, Twilight seemed to be behaving herself today.

Gene returned to the 'Star' after placing the catgirl and their android girl in Jimbo's hands. Hilda was downtown somewhere and would be back aboard as soon as Gene vidded her. Best not to saddle Jimbo with two wildcats.

Twilight Suzuka's eyes got as round as dinner plates when she saw the 'Blackmail Special'. "That's your shuttle, sir?" she asked in awe and he nodded abstractedly and picked up his single piece of luggage- a black attache briefcase.

"Eh? What'd ya say, dear? Oh yes, I brought one of my smaller craft. 'Lilith'! You aboard?" called Garner and a perky blonde poked her head ariund the open portal to take her boss's case. "Been here awhile, Boss. This the young lady ya mentioned? Hiya, Honey. Name's 'Glittersnicket de Lillian', but everybody calls me 'Lilith'- after the fallen Angel gal, y'know?" laughed the blonde.

"This is my pilot, my dear. 'Subaltern Glittersnicket de Lillian'. For obvious reasons, she prefers 'Lilith'. May I help you aboard, my dear?" said Garner, his eyes twinkling.

"I ain't no cripple, Pops. Pleased ta meet ya, 'Lilith'. Ya know where 'Kagura' is? ('Lilith' nodded, barely contolling her anger) Good. As quick as ya kin get me there. Chop chop, kid." snapped Twilight. Garner was glad that their destination was only a few hours away. Like Gene, Garner had two wildcats on his hands.

"Artie, I am gonna ask you just once more. Where the Hell are we, man?" demanded the tall dark-haired man whose hand was resting on the butt of his Colt .44 six-shooter. The shorter bearded gentleman beside him was clad in frock coat and striped trousers in keeping with the year that his partner thought they were still in- AD 1885.

"I dunno where we are, Jim. However, a better question would be when are we?" chortled 'Artemus Gordon'. His companion, 'James West', was not amused and was becoming a bit miffed at his friend.

"You're the one who told me that 'Pofessor Challenger's so called 'time travel machine' was a hoax, Artie." snapped Jim.

"Well, it looked like it was just a 'Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang' gadget, Jim. Holy Hannah! Look at that chronometre, man!" yelled Artie. "The clock, Jim, the clock. If I am reading this aright, today's date is '27 November AD 2260'!" added Artie.

"That's impossible! It's 1885, man!" howled Jim, tossing down his black Stetson on the console.

"It 'was' 1885 when we left Earth, Jim." Jim West stared at his fellow US Goverment agent like Artie Gordon had just taken leave of his senses.

"When we left Earth? Then where-" demanded West. "It gets better, Jimbo. The outside atmosphere is breatheable. However, its oxygen content is less than we are used to breathing- back home on Earth. Aha! According to this geographical screen, we are aboard a starship in deep space and we are traveling at several times the speed of light! Incidentally, light speed is 186 million miles per second, Jim."

"A starship? You mean like a rocket, Artie?" cried Jim. Artie nodded. "Is it safe for us to leave this contraption and do some exploring, Artie?" he added. His scientific pal nodded again and popped open the machine's dome. "You first." said Jim.

"Fraidy cat. A little heady to breathe, but OK, Jimbo. 2260 must be a good year for air. Funny. We don't seem to be moving at all." said Artie.

"Huh? 'Course we ain't. We're just running a deep space scenario and- where the Hell'd you guys come from? Gene! We got company, man! Get up here- on the double!" yelled a red-haired tow-headed boy who looked to be no older than 12 or in his early teens! "Hold it. You two armed? (They flicked aside their long coats to reveal shiny 'Colts' strapped to their sides. The kid burst out laughing much to the newcomers' surprise) Ya call them things 'weapons'? Wait a sec. I think I seen 'shooting irons' like them on TV last night. Aw, keep 'em. They won't work under our 'energy dampening field' anyhow. Oh yeah, name's Hawkins, James Hawkins, but everybody jest calls me Jimbo. 'Bout time ya got up here, man. Fellas, this here's our captain, Gene Starwind and our ship's the 'Outlaw Star'. And you two are-?" questioned Jimbo Hawkins. Gene was fingering his blaster and staring at Jim's Colt warily.

Artie stepped forward with outstretched hand. "Pleased to know ya, suhs. Name's 'Jones'. 'Professor Athanario Jones', 'Inventor Extraordinaire', suhs. And this is my invaluable assistant, 'John Weston'. Ah must apologize fer arriving on your vessel unannounced, suhs. We arrived aboard mah 'time ferryboat' back there." explained Artie who could tell a lie slicker than those old serial film villains.

After these pleasantries had finished, Gene pointed towards his engineering rooms. "Welcome aboard, guys. Everyone pulls his weiht on our 'Star'. 'Weston' will assist me with the new 'warp core' and the professor can be our navigator. Otherwise, we would be forced to turn them over to the 3WA (Worlds Welfare Works Association was the peace-keeping arm of United Galactica Federation of Galaxies. The 3WA was a bit like Terra's 'Interpol') and none of us want that to happen, do we, Jimbo?" chuckled Gene.

"Another fine mess you've gotten us into, professor." seethed 'John Weston'.

"Just play along with these two fools until I think of something, Jim." whispered 'Athanario Jones'.

"Just don't get us lost, man! I mean it, Artie. Don't forget that we are US Government Agents and we report directly to President Grant in Washington. Wonder where we are anyway?" asked West in a low voice.

"We are on a spaceport tower on the city of 'Elenore' in the Western sector of 'Shimougou'. I fear that your 'Earth' is many hundreds of millions of 'light years' from here. However, 'Mars' is a mere 650 'lightys' from here. Soon we will be leaving for 'Minerva'. That voyage should last about a week. It's a few hundred thousand 'lightys' from here. I apologize for your cool reception, gentlemen. US Government agents from Terra's AD 1885 should be treated as honoured guests. Welcome- Mr James West and Mr Artemus Gordon. Never fear. I will keep your secret unless it interferes with this vessel's activities." said a voice coming from inside their own skulls!

"Do not be alarmed, gentlemen. I am the 'Outlaw Star's 'central computerizing programme system'. You may call me 'Winston'. I would advise you to reveal your true identities to the others as soon as possible. Our boss, 'Territorial Sector Chief Garner' really should be advised that you are here so that he can make arrangements to get you both back home to Terra's AD 1885. 'Charles' works for the 3WA directly. We are merely 'on loan' to the 3WA- from the IGSC (InterGalactic Space Command). For now, mum's the word, sirs." explained 'Winston'.

"Um, 'Winston', sir, have you had any experience with time traveling machines?" asked Artie.

"Afraid not, Mr Gordon, sir. I am comm relaying a signal to Mr Garner. He is on 'Kagura' with Miss Suzuka. She is having her 'bokka' sharpened and shellaced. They should be back in a day or two. In the meantime, there is a very nice hotel in 'Elenore City' where the crew is staying. They have plenty of room in their suite. Should I tell them that I am sending you there?" asked 'Winston'.

"Just tell us how to get there, friend." replied Jim West. "And be sure that nothing happens to our time machine, 'Winston'. Thanks." added Artemus Gordon.

"I fear that the hotel is many kilometres from the tower. It would be easier for me to simply 'beam' you there. Please go down those stairs and turn left. You will find a room on the right bearing a sign 'Transport Room'. Simply stand on the 'pads' in there and I will be with you shortly. Thank you, gentlemen." instructed the programme who was very polite.

"OK. C'mon, Artie. This place gets screwier every minute." said Jim. "Oh, I dunno about that. Seems like a very efficiently run spacecraft to me." replied Artie with a chuckle.

"And how many 'spacecrafts' have you been on, Artie? Looks like we have no choice since I haven't seen any doors to the outside world on this thing." said Jim, leading the way to their destination. "OK. 'Winston'? You here or what, man?" asked Jim. He and Artie were standing on the transporter room's 'pads'. Jim was looking skeptical while Artie was champing at the bit for this new experience. "Not to worry, Jim. Perfectly safe. I've read a lot of books about space travel. Verne, Doyle-" chortled Gordon. "Artie, those were novels about science fiction, weren't they?" snapped West. "So? The principles must be the same. Just relax and enjoy yourself, my friend." suggested Artie.

"All set, gentlemen? No luggage? Guess not. You will feel a bit light-headed at first. That is quite normal during 'dematerialization'. Stand perfectly still. Please give my kind regards to Captain Starwind. Auf wiedersehen."said the computerized voice and Jim West felt like he had a hangover. "Marvelous. I can feel myself being disassembled. Aha! We seem to have arrived, Jim." said Artie. Jim opened his eyes and was amazed to find himself still in one piece albeit a mite dizzy.

"Where in Hades did you two come from, man?" yelped the nekomata catgirl who was reclining on a sofa- stark naked. Both Jim and Artie averted their eyes, causing Aisha CtarlCtarl to think they were a bit addle-brained. Then she realized her state of undress.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I guess ya ain't used to seein' naked broads, huh? OK. I'm decent now. Ya kin look, guys." said Aisha, belting a red dressing gown around her feline form.

"Are you a cat or a girl, Miss-" asked Jim. "Both. I'm a nekomata catgirl. Ain't ya never seen a 'neko gal' afore, man?" replied Aisha. "Not while I was still sober, Honey." answered Artie, introducing himself and Jim West.

"Hiya. Name's Aisha CtarlCtarl. Call me Aisha. Pleased ta meet ya. Friends o' Gene? Jimbo? Twilight? Hilda? Melvina? No? Ya had ta have 'beamed' here from the 'Star', right? Oh, then ya've met 'Winston', ain't ya? (The two 1885 US Government Secret Service agents nodded dumbly) Fer Krist's sake, siddown, will ya. Wanna beer? Java? Tea? Somethin' stronger? (She hauled out a strange looking box that reminded Artie of a Brownie box camera) Name yer poison, gents." chortled Aisha.

"I'd love a tall glass of Pilsner myself. How about you, Artie?" chuckled Jim who had been taught to humour the insane. "I'd prefer a bottle of Jack Daniels, ma'am." laughed Artie, enjoying the joke and eyeing the drapery cords- just in case. Sure, she seemed harmless, but better to be safe than sorry was his motto.

"Pilsner in a tall frosted glass. Daniels, Jack. Straight up. Dew, Tullamore, Irish. On the rocks." she said and the drinks materialized out of thin air! Even Artie had never heard of a 'replicator' before. "We kin 'replicate' anything we want, man. There's 'reppers' all over the place. Uh, ya don't mind sharin' a room, do ya? No? Take the third from the landin' on the right upstairs. Gene, Jimbo and Mel should be back soon. Twilight's with Garner over on 'Kagura'. They should be back here by Friday. Now, it's yer turn, gents. Where ya from- and when?" chuckled Aisha, downing five fingers of Irish whiskey in one pull! (Has she been taking lessons from the Boss)?

"Very smooth, my dear. How's your beer, Jim?" asked Artie, pouring another jigger or two of whiskey for himself. "Damn! I never had a better tasting brew than that, ma'am." said Jim, smacking his lips in appreciation. Suddenly, the portal swished open and a big galloot of a fella with fiery red hair strode in followed by a 14 year old tow-headed red-haired boy.

"Hiya, boyos. We got company. Meet Jimmy West and Arthur Gordon. Big dude's Gene Starwind and the squirt's Jimbo Hawkins. Wanna lil drink?" slurred Aisha who promptly fell off the couch and began to snore and purr. As usual, cats can't hold their liquor!

"Kee-Rist, Gene! She gonna be sober enough to man the new guns by tomorrow?" howled the kid.

"She damned well better be. Yo, Jimmy! Gimme a hand with her. Garner and Twilight's right behind us. If he finds her drunk again, he'll have a fit! Thanks." snarled the big guy. West and Gene carried the unconscious nekomata catgirl up the stairs and into the room she was sharing with Twilight. Hawkins had insisted on Melvina taking the small bedroom to keep Gene away from their robotic girl android who 'powered' the 'Outlaw Star'. Bad enough that Mel had to always be stark naked for lift-offs and landings! Jimbo was determined to protect her virginity and dignity. Could robots even become pregnant? Jimbo had heard of a robot gal who was married and had given birth to a daughter. Gene didn't believe it. Aisha could care less and Twilight said stranger things had happened. All in all, Jimbo was taking no chances with Mel.

"Everyone decent today? Ready or not, here we come!" shouted Mr Garner, allowing Twilight to precede him through the portal. "Hullo there. Name is Suzuka. Call me Twilight. Anyone check my messages? If I miss a 'hit' because that damned cat bitch was loaded again, I'll kill her." snapped the tall kimono-clad brunette beauty, tossing a long wooden 'bokka' sword on the java table and dropping into an easy chair. "Tea. Earl grey. Hot. Lemon and three sugars, please." she demanded and a cup of tea appeared on the table.

"Brandy. Large. Please." said Chief Garner, taking an overstuffed armchair for himself.

"Sir! Are you not flying back home this evening?" demanded a small slight dark-haired girl from the stairway. Melvina was wearing a grey pantsuit with a white turtleneck sweater and she was barefoot. "Hullo, Melly. No, there's been a change of plans. I am accompanying you chaps to Minerva tomorrow morning. Melly! Put on your socks and boots. I cannot have you catching a chill. "Yeah. Last time you got the sniffles, we ended up on 'Gysymeo'!" groaned Gene, shivering at the mention of that horrid ice world where the 'Star' had been stranded for six weeks.

"What shall we do with these two bozos, sir? Should I kill them for you?" yawned Twilight, reaching for her 'bokka'. Jim West's hand was on his Colt .44 while Artie's hand was on the 'paper bombs' in his coat pocket. "For Kami's sake, child! We do not kill our guests unless we are ordered to do so, my dear girl. Another large brandy, please. Thankee. However, we will take Mr West and Mr Gordon with us on the 'Star'. It has been a trying day so I will have a bit of a liedown before dinner. None of you are to leave the hotel. I presume, boyos, that the ship's ready for lift-off tomorrow?" asked Garner with a yawn.

"Tomorrow? You said Friday, old man!" yelled Jimbo Hawkins angrily. "All plans are subject to change, sonny. We must reach Minerva and Lupin and his friends in three solar days. Something has occurred that we didn't count on happening quite so soon. I repeat. Is the 'Outlaw Star' ready for launch or not?" asked the older gentleman quietly.

"Yeah. Just the new 'pounder missiles' and I can hook them up enroute. No sweat, Pops. We can lift off tomorrow afternoon." sulked Jimbo Hawkins. "Morning. We will lift off at suns rise. Better turn in early tonight, kiddies." yawned Garner.

"Excuse me, sir? That was a slip of the tongue, was it not? Surely you meant to say 'sun' rise? You said-" chuckled Artie.

"He meant 'suns' rise, Mr Gordon, sir. We have three suns in this galaxy and this planet has nine moons." explained Melvina.

"We've landed in Bedlam, Artie! Pinch me quick! I wanna wake up, dammit!" replied West who could feel a migraine coming on. Small wonder after swilling beer all afternoon! Alcohol, even 'Synthenol' had its effects when consumed in the Aquarian Galaxy!

"I will serve dinner at six, everyone. Please set the table, Miss Twilight. If you will excuse me please." said the robot android girl and she headed for the kitchenette, tying an apron around her lithe body as she walked.

Jim West wandered out onto the balcony and gazed out over 'Elenore City'. Artemus joined him and offered him a cheroot that Jimbo Hawkins had just 'repped up' for him. "Quite a sight, ain't it Jimmy boy? Wonder how high up we are?" queried Artie.

"Not too high. This is not a very tall building, guys. Even in the penthouse, we are a mere 1500 stories up. The 'Angel Arms' has 2,000 floors and it pales in comparison to the other hotels in town." replied Aisha who had overheard the question in her mind while she was still in the bath room.

"Ya mean we're more than a thousand stories high, Miss CC?" shouted a suddenly terrified Artie Gordon who suffered from 'acrophobia', a morbid fear of heights. West leaned out over the parapets for a better view.

"Ow! What the Hell? I just bumped my head against a wall that ain't there, man!" he said, rubbing the bump on his noggin.

"Huh? Oh, that's just the 'weather barrier force field' in case it rains or snows or somethin', guys." explained the catgirl.

"Dinner! Come and get it!" called Melvina and they all went in to the kitchenette for supper.

"Hey! Maybe it's what d'ya call it- 'repped', but it's really delicious, man." said Jim West approvingly. Artemus agreed and asked for seconds. Twilight explained that Melvina had 'cooked', not 'repped up' their meal. Dessert was chocolate mousse with real whipped cream made from scratch. Artie ate four desserts and Jim had three.

After dinner, Gene dragged out a couple of the weirdest looking outfits that Jim and Artie had ever laid eyes upon. Jimbo followed with two pairs of gleaming black deck boots. "In case ya had forgotten, gents, you are coming with us to Minerva tomorrow. As of now, you are both Ensigns (jg) in the 3WA. On my ship, everyone works. You guys are gonna be deck gunners. These are yer flight suits and Jimbo's got yer deck boots. Aisha's scroungin' up some blasters fer ya." said Gene gruffly. He really didn't like dragging 'tenderfoots' along with him.

"All aboard! We got everyone here, man? Me, Jimbo, Aisha, Mel, Twilight, 'Winston', the old man (Garner), West, Gordon, Hildy? Yup. Looks like we got everyone. Ready, Mel? Then hurry up and strip, man! I don't wanna miss my 'window' through the 'gravity well' ya know! Ready? Take us up, 'Winston'." commanded Gene.

"Ya fergot ME! And Willie, Kate, Grandma, Lynn and Brian- and the 'Luckmeister'!" howled a deep bass voice from belowdecks. A strange looking aardvark-anteater-like creature covered in brown fur ambled up the companionway to the bridge followed by a tall skinny dude wearing owlish glasses.

"Stowaways?" howled 'Hot Ice' Hilda, her hand on her blaster. Twilight unlimbered her 'bokka' while Aisha was aiming a wicked looking disruptor pistol at the two newbies. The skinny guy's arms shot up. The 'thing' calmly walked forward and swatted the gun out of the catgirl's paws and it clattered to the deck floor.

"What kind of a mess have you gotten us into this time, 'ALF'?" grumbled 'Willie Tanner' to the creature.

"Don't blame me, Willie! I wasn't the one who insisted on allowing Grandma to take the controls, was I?" snapped 'ALF' whose real moniker was 'Gordon Shumway'. The 'Alien Life Form' hailed from faroff 'Melmac', a planet that had exploded into atoms 4 solar years before this- no, a lot longer ago than that since this was the 23rd Century! 'ALF' had crashed his spaceship into Willie's garage 4 solar years back and had finally managed to meld his ship with an Earth 'drone' machine and hooked up both to an old 'Plymouth' automobile that Willie and Kate had bought for their daughter, Lynn's 17th birthday. Somehow, they had 'quantum leaped' from the early 1990's to AD 2260 and had landed aboard the 'Outlaw Star'.

ALF introduced himself and his 'family' to everyone and the gang re-holstered and re-sheathed their weapons much to Willie's relief. 'ALF' explained how they had all come to be aboard the 'Star' and after Gene put the ship on 'Winston' and Mel, they all trooped down to the docking bay to see 'ALF's marvelous 'drone spaceship car' which was now a time travel device as well. Mr Garner explained that they were on their way to 'Minerva' and 'ALF' surprised everyone when he revealed that he had visited this world many times in the past during his tenure as an 'Orbital Guard' before his world of 'Melmac' had exploded.

The two kids took 'Lucky' their kitty cat to the 'star room' which had a 'window' showing the heavens on vidcams. Grandma Dorothy (Kate's Mom) insisted on cooking dinner for everyone and Kate trailed her Mom to the galley when she saw 'ALF' headed that way. Kate was the family's disaster prevention team captain!

Willie was fascinated with the controls console almost as much as Gene, Jimbo, West and Artie were amazed at the 'jury rigged' 'space time vessel' assembled by the Melmacian 'Teddy bear with a big schnoz'. Gene was astonished when Willie told him that it operated the same as an ancient automobile from Earth. After all, both Gene and Jimbo had been born on Terra.

Mr Garner decided that 'ALF' and his 'family' were to be 'guests' courtesy of the 3WA until 'Dr Cueball', the head of the 3WA's R&D Department could figure out how to get them all back home again. 'Grandma' and Katie outdid themselves in the galley. 'Winston' put the 'Star' into an orbital pattern around a small moon so that Melvina could dress and enjoy dinner with the other hands. Grandma covered the kids' eyes (and Aisha's) when Mel stepped down from her post as the craft's 'power source' because, as we all know by now, in order to 'power' the ship, the robotic android girl had to be completely nude.

Mel unashamedly walked past the newbies, causing Willie to avert his eyes while 'ALF' immediately asked her for a date. Dinner over, Garner announced a briefing at 1100 hours (11 AM) in the morning at which all hands, including the newbies, were to be present. He wound up the evening by administering the 'Galactic Oath' to the Tanners, Grandma and 'ALF' as well as to Jim West and Artie Gordon. Willie, West and Gordon were made 2nd lieutenants; 'ALF' and Brian were made sub-ensigns; Lynn, Katie and Grandma were made ensigns while 'Lucky' the cat was named the ship's mascot. 'ALF' objected to this last appointment and instead suggested Aisha CtarlCtarl the nekomata catgirl for the role. Aisha snarled that this CtarlCtarl was not about to become a ship's pet!

Next morning at eleven, the entire motley crew of the 'Star' was assembled around a large oval conference table in the ship's 'ready room' or office. Garner stood up and laid out their mission which was to assist their mission commander 'Arsene Lupin III' in any way they could. Lupin and his gang had already been briefed and Garner preferred that Lupin lay out his plans when they rendezvoused with him and his gang (Jigen, Goemon, Fujiko, Rebecca and Pops Zenigata) on 'Minerva' in another solar day.

"All I will tell you is this. Mr Lupin's been ordered to steal something that, in the wrong hands, could 'unmake' Creation itself in all of the Universes. We are facing the most insidious foe in history, my friends. None other than the reincarnated and regenerated 'Dr Fu Manchu' and he is ten times more deadly than his 20th Century predecessor. Fu has spies everywhere and since they possess his secrets of invisibility, I daren't say too much here on an insecure vessel." explained Mr Garner.

"Can't ya even give us a hint, Daddy-O?" growled 'Hot Ice' Hilda, stubbing out yet another cheroot. "Yeah, I like mysteries, man." screeched Aisha. 'ALF' shushed the loudmouth by boxing the catgirl's ears. Then he whispered into Garner's ear. "It's, uh, 'Excalibur Ten', ain't it?" he breathed and Garner concealed his shock and nodded curtly. "Yes, but don't tell anyone. OK?" whispered Garner urgently to the 'Teddy bear'. How 'ALF' was in possession of knowledge about the most powerful weapon ever Created was beyond the Territorial Sector Chief's ken.

"Want a hint? OK. It's bigger than a breadbox and it's real real bad news." said 'ALF', snatching a bowl of ramen noodles from Twilight's hand. The assassin girl looked daggers at him but said nothing. Maybe she was used to slobs w/ bad manners?

"Ahem. 'Minerva's 'outer markers' are dead ahead to starboard- on the right of our bow. We should sight her 'inner markers' tomorrow at 0900 (9 AM)." said 'Winston's voice. "Why don't you clowns tell time like normal people?" demanded Dorothy. Garner patiently explained to her how military time worked. Garner dismissed the meeting and Gordon, West, Hilda, Willie and 'ALF' settled down to a game of draw poker. The kids and Grandma discovered the vidgames deck while the rest of the crew wandered off to their own quarters to pursue their own interests. Garner headed for the ship's library and was soon engrossed in a book about the exploits of the Holy Grail and the Round Table of Camelot.

(AN: 'Excalibur Ten' was now known as the tenth 'RAVE Sword' and legend had it that it was composed of parts of the first nine 'Excalibur' broadswords. So powerful was its blade that it could cleave through the fabric of time, space and quantum dimensions in a single stroke! Doing so would, of course, 'unmake' Creation as we know it! Small wonder that the 'King' of the 3WA (Mr Galadriel) was very worried and had grudgingly agreed to enlist the services of a gang of Terran thieves to locate and recover the damned thing!

The sturdy little starship made planetfall an hour following luncheon and Garner, Willie, Gene, Hilda and 'ALF' left to rendezvous with Lupin and his pals. 2nd Lt Gordon was left in temporary command much to Jimbo's chagrin. However, he realized that a starship in the hands of a 14 year old teenager could easily turn into a disaster and he finally accepted Mr G as being in charge until the away team returned with the Lupin team.

"So where are we gonna meet these crooks, Pop?" asked 'ALF'. Willie gave him a withering look while Gene and Hildy just laughed. This lil guy was gonna take some getting used to fer sure.

"At the 'Green Dragon Inn' and don't call me Pop, dammit." snapped Charlie Garner. "I suppose that you know where it is, Subby 'ALF'?" he added. "Sure I do. Skippy, Ralph, me and Rhonda used to hang out there when we breezed onto 'Minnie'. It's about a mile up that road unless we cut across the hills up ahead. Then it's just a ten minute walk, Po-, sir." replied 'ALF'.

"Did you say hills, 'ALF'? That looks like the 'Matterhorn'." seethed Willie. "You forget, sir, that this is not your planet. The gravity is different and we can easily make such a climb in less than a quarter of an hour." explained Hildy. As always, 'Hot Ice' was correct and soon they were all seated in the back room of the inn where Lupin, the 'Druid', the 'Samurai', the blonde and the redhead and the 'Interpol' inspector were shaking hands with the away team.

"I found it, Chuck." whispered the guy who looked like Jerry Lewis and talked like him as well. "WE found it is what Lupin means, guys. It's in an old fortress on 'Fryygia' which is a day's voyage from here." explained 'Fujiko Mine', swirling her glass of white Zinfandel before sipping appreciatively.

"Will it be hard to swipe?" asked 'ALF' and 'Rebecca' (Mrs Lupin III) asked Willie who invited the ugly mutt to the party. "As I live and breathe- a 'Melmacian'! Didn't know any of 'em survived the blast." said the 'Druid' ('Daisuke Jigen') incredulously.

"A few of us left, 'Mr Lincoln'. I crashed into this guy's garage on 20th Century Earth at a place called LA. And I ain't no mutt, Blondie. I used to be an 'Orbital Guard' I'll have ya know. So? How about it? This pig-sticker theft gonna be an easy job or not, man?" demanded the obnoxious 'Teddy bear'. "Hardly. Otherwise, why call in the best thief in the Universes to steal it, pal? Show 'em the scroll, 'Goemon'." replied Lupin. The big 'Samurai' unrolled a brittle parchment and began pointing out the pitfalls and traps both inside and outside the fortress.

"We should be able to handle it OK with your assistance. See these 'runes' written on the edges of the scroll? They tell us how to defeat the traps and stuff if- the good professors can decipher them." explained Goemon and he pointed to the two armchairs by the fireplace where 'Profs MacDougal and Challenger' sat in shadow.

"First thing we'll need to do is to buy some warm clothing. 'Fryygia' is an ice world ya know." whispered Hildy.

"The girls can do that stuff for us. Ain't that what they're for?" asked 'ALF', drawing shocked looks from everyone around the table and elicited chuckles from the two scientists by the fire.

"Well, if you show us where to shop and give us a list, Lynn, Mom and I could do the shopping, Mr Starwind." suggested Kate.

"OK. Take Aisha and Jimbo with ya. Here's a few hundred thousand in UniCreds." replied Gene, tossing Kate his vidwallet.

"May I go along as well, Mr Gene? Please?" pleaded Melvina. "Oh alright. Jimbo will make out a list of what we'll need before ya go and don't take forever like you guys usually do, man. I don't wanna miss our 'window'. OK, get a move on, guys. Willie? You and the 'bear' know anything about electronics?" asked Gene. With Mel in tow, Kate, Lynn and Dorothy left with 'Jigen' as guide. There had been so many twists and turns that she had no idea where the 'Star' had landed.

"You have a bear aboard too, kiddo? Where?" asked 'ALF'. Willie just smiled and pointed at the furry little alien.

"He means you, 'ALF-Meister'." chuckled Willie. "OK. You two can clean the flow stacks of the afterburners." said Gene.

Nack aboard the 'Star' job assignments were handed out while the Tanner ladies bundled up for their trip to the mall. Jimbo Hawkins had already vidded out a list of necessaries for cold weather travel. Gene had vidphoned Jimbo from the inn before they left.

"OK, we're off, Gene. We won't be long. Bye." said Jimbo. "Sure ya don't want me to come along?" asked 'ALF' and they all replied "NO!" in unison except for Melvina. She thought their new 'Teddy bear' was so cute. "Do not worry, little bear. I will bring you back a big jug of honey." After all, Mel had just seen a TV special about Winnie the Pooh. Stooping low, the robot android girl kissed the 'bear' on his forehead, causing 'ALF' to blush a little.

'Minerva' was a small world, but quite populous. Jimbo expertly piloted their shuttlecraft into the nearest town which was called 'Kaledon'. Jimbo set down on the roof of the biggest mall in town. Kate, Lynn, Dorothy, Hildy and Aisha went one way while Melvina and Jimbo went the other way. Each group had half of the list of winter junk that they needed for the run to 'Fryygia' and they agreed to meet back at the shuttle in an hour. Kate had charge of Gene's vidwallet while Jimbo had his own vidwallet.

Meanwhile, back aboard the 'Star', repairs had gone smoothly (Despite 'ALF's 'help') and now everyone was taking a little break while Brian kept hold of 'Lucky' (The Tanners' cat) so he would not become 'ALF's dinner! Gene and Willie were poring over the vidstar maps and charts with Winston. They were trying to find the fastest route to 'Fryygia'.

"Looky what I found for us, Starwind! And a real steal too. Just 4 Million 'Woolongs' (10,000 UCs) and it's practically brand new, man!" gushed Twilight who was dragging a huge 'star gun' up the ramp and onto the ship.

"What is that, Miss Suzuka?" asked Willie politely. 'ALF' was enraptured and rushed forward to hug the weapon.

"Wowie Wow Wow! A genuine 'XK47' and in mint condition too! Where'd ya get it, Suzie?" demanded 'ALF'.

"You know what that thing is, 'ALF'?" asked an astonished Willie. "Of course I do, Willie. It's a 'starshield cannon'. When fired, it creates a shield behind it to protect the operators. Its range is small though- only a few light years, but it can wipe out a battle cruiser in six strikes." explained 'ALF'.

"Great! Know how to set it up, lil guy?" asked Gene. "Sure thing, Star Guy. Suzie can help me. Willie, grab that end; Suzie, grab the other end. I'll supervise." said the alien dust mop. Gene sighed and returned to his navigational programmes.

"We're back!" yelled Aisha the nekomata catgirl. "The stuff'll be delivered before we have to go, Gene. Cost us almost 90 thousand. Hey! Is that an'XK47'? Haven't seen one o' them since we left Earth, man!" said Jimbo.

"Twilight found it for ten thousand. See if ya can give 'em a hand with its set-up, Jimbo." replied Gene.

"Ahem. Our supplies have been transported aboard, Captain. Courses have been laid in and we can lift off whenever you like, sir." announced Winston. "OK. Do a fast head count, Winston. We got everyone aboard now?" asked Gene.

"Roger that, Captain. All present and accounted for, sir." announced Winston. "That includes Mr Lupin, Mr Jigen, Mr Goemon and Miss Fujiko, Miss Rebecca and Mr Zenigata, sir." the voice added. "Oh yes. Mrs Dorothy and Mr Garner have opted to follow us in Mr Garner's starship. He has requested that you immediately lift off, sir." added Winston.

"Attention all hands! We are lifting off. Strap yerselves in and brace for lift-off. That's an order from yer Captain." snapped Gene Starwind. All went well and soon they were bowling along through space at a brisk clip of 33 Warp- 33 times the speed of light!

"Jim! Don't touch that switch yet!" yelled Artemus Gordon, but Jim West had already pressed the 'Activate' control for their 'borrowed' time travel machine. Suddenly, the entire 'Outlaw Star' vessel was enveloped in a bright blue light!

"Oh no! Looks like we ain't the only ones returning to - 1860? Jim, did you monkey with that numbers wheel?" demanded Artie. "Guess so. Hey, this dial has places named on it. L-O-N-D-O-N. London? Like in England? That's where we're going, Artie?" asked a confused James West.

"Yeah and not just us either! That strange blue light has illuminated this vessel and that one with Mr Garner and Mrs Dorothy and Miss Lilith as well! Both crafts are going backwards in time to Merrie Olde England at the time of Mr Dickens and his Ebenezer Scrooge 'Christmas Carol' Victorian era." replied a worried Artie.

"So what? Scrooge was just a story written by Charles Dickens. It wasn't real, Artie." said Jim. Artemus stared at his friend and fellow Secret Service government agent. "Jimbo, we are not real either! We are fictional characters and yet, we have traveled forwards in time some 400 years to a space ship in this galaxy! Better impart the glad tidings to our fellow 'maroonees', old chum. You lead the way." said a forlorn Artie.

"Me? Why me? You brought us here." replied West. "Yeah, but you reset the damned controls." pointed out his partner.

"What's all the hub-bub back here, lads? Good goose gravy! Where'd the other two suns go, laddies?" grumbled the obese Professor Edward Challenger, dropping cigar ashes on the deck. "Heavens to Murgatroyd, Ned! That's 'Terra' (Earth) down there! That looks like 'St Paul' Cathedral'! But, that's in Britain's London. Have you two baboons been playing with that time ship o' yours?" howled the only slightly less fat 'Dr Sir Hiram MacDougall', the 3WA's very own archaeologist. His blazing pipe dropped from his teeth to the deck when he got a gander at the numbers 1-8-6-0 on the time ship's display panel.

"My word, Hi! That's 'Victorian' England down there, ain't it?" yelped Challenger. "It is indeed, gentlemen. There's the old 'Change' edifice and- Watson! Does not that sign on the vidscreen read 'Scrooge & Marley'? That would make it the same year as the Colonial 'Civil War betwixt the States' began, would it not, sirs? Eh Watson?" observed 'Mr Sherlock Holmes'. His ever present biographer, 'Dr John H Watson, MD, Afghan War, Retired', stared in wonderment at a familiar address on another 'window' on the vidscreen- '221-B Baker Street'! This building housed their own oversized two level flat.

"Where in thunder did you two jackanapes come from, dammit?" howled an angry Ned Challenger. "You are not the only souls who want to have a bit o' fun, are they, old man?" chuckled the tall sleuth-hound. "I told you it was not such a great idea to 'stowaway' aboard this red and white vessel, Holmes. Now we are for it, I'll be bound!" whined the good doctor.

The room spun wildly and the starship's interior vanished! In its place was a cold, dank, bleak and chilly stone-flagged room in which the two scientists, the government agents, the great detective and his compadre were now standing. They were far from all on their lonesomes either. The crew of the 'Outlaw Star', a befuddled Charles Garner, Arsene Lupin III, the blonde Rebecca, the dark-haired Fujiko, the 'Druidy' Jigen, the Samurai Goemon and the ever persistent pain-in-the-neck Interpol inspector 'Pops' Zenigata were all crowded about an ancient coal-burning iron stove which gave off a pitifully tiny amount of warmth. Also present were the Tanners. 'ALF' was shivering and looking for the fridge.

"I say there! Where did you come from eh? And stop hogging the stove, please. If you are here to ask for extensions on your loans or mortgages, you may as well go-" said the short bespectacled gentleman who was bundled up in threadbare garments.

"Cratchit! What's that noise out there? And stay away from the damned coal scuttle, sir or you will celebrate the holiday season by losing your fine position, sir. Who the devil are all of you? Like Cratchit just said, I am a very poor man and- dammit, sirs and madams, time is money and I will thankee nae to waste it. Well?" snapped the tall, cadaverous gentleman seated at a desk piled high with 'foolscap' and 'parchment rolls'. He pulled out a huge turnip of an ancient gold 'Hunter' watch and noted the time was almost seven of the clock.

"Look at that, Ned! A genuine gold 'Hunter'! Haven't seen one of those since 1895!" observed Sir Hiram.

"Eh? What's that? Are you a fool, sir? This is eighteeen hundred and sixty, not 35 years from now, sir! I wonder you ain't all escaped from 'Bedlam' or 'Newgate'. The grandfather clock bonged seven times. "Nineteen hundred? Already? We just ate lunch, didn't we, Jimbo?" yelled the big galloot in the fancy looking masquerade costume- Captain Gene Starwind.

"Seven o'clock, sir. Must be off now. Thought sure your nephew would be here by now, sir. And those nice gents what collects fer the poor and desti-" called Bob Cratchit's voice from the outer clerk's office. "Bah! Humbug! Suppose ye'll be wanting the whole day off tomorry and it ain't fair fer me to pay you a day's wages fer no damned work- even if it is just the once a year, sir. Oh, take the day and guess which pocket o' me great-coat yer fifteen bob be in this year. C'mon and guess?" chortled the bird-brained idiot behind the desk. Crack!

"Got you, Moriarty! Sorry, my good fellow, but my arch-nemesis was trying to climb in that window behind you." apologized Sherlock, his smoking revolver still aimed at a picture of 'Lord Henry Gladstone', then the prime minister of Britain.

"That ain't a window, you clod! That is a portrait of Mr Gladstone who governs this nation for Her Majesty, the Queen, sir. Oh, yes. Guess, Bob! You may get lucky. Who knows?" chuckled the tall lunatic. "It's in his jacket's inside left hand pocket, Mr C." said a bored Twilight Suzuka. Like most women of the 23rd Century, she was adept at mind-reading. "Correct. Here ya go, Cratchit. Be here all the earlier the day after, sir and no- don't wish me a Merrie anything. I say- don't you fools have homes to go to? It is the night before that asinine boring holiday, ain't it?" snarled the old curmudgeony miser.

"At this festive season of the- never mind, you probably gave at the office. Excuse us." said the two portly gentleman who had come to beg for money. However, one glance at the still smoking gun in Holmes's hand- and the fact that almost everyone in the room was armed- changed their minds. They beat a hasty-pudding retreat.

"Say! You would be quite useful for getting rid of the vermin around here, sir. Need a job? Oh, beg pardon. My name is Ebezer Scrooge. You have already met my fool clark, Cratchit. Good grief! Here comes Fred! Quick! Douse the lights while I hide under my desk." ordered the old fool. Jimbo Hawkins politely opened the door for Scrooge's nephew 'Fred Murray'.

"Merrie Christmas, you doddering old idiot and a happy 1861 to ya too. Oh, didn't know ya had guests, Uncle. Thought most folks had got the message that they ain't welcome here since old 'Josiah Marlin' kicked the bucket. That was seven years ago today er tonight, wasn't it, Unkie? Beg pardon. I'm Fred Murray. I teach dancing. My card, folks. Gotta rush but here's a wreath for ya, Unk. Catch!" said Fred, scoring a 'ringer' around his old uncle's bald head.

"Gene, I think we have stumbled into that old vidbook we had to read in school, man. Dickens wrote it- 'A Christmas Carol'. Ya remember, don't ya? Scrooge, Marley, Cratchit, Fred, the 3 Ghosts and all?" said Hawkins. "Nah. I musta skipped class that day, kiddo. He made a good point though. Where are we gonna stay and where's the 'Star'?" replied Gene. "And my 'Blackmail Special'?" added Mr Garner.

"Maybe Loo-Pon stole 'em. He'll steal anything." suggested 'Pops', fingering his shiny new 'forced beam handcuffs'. "Not this time, 'Pops'. Our air cars were aboard the 'BS' and so was your new police speeder." said Jigen. "Old Japanese proverb. 'A man must hold onto his motor cars when Lupin is around'. 'Kakashi Sensei' told me that one." quipped Goemon.

"Did you see all of those shoppes, Fuji? Let's go Christmas shopping. Charge it!" cooed Rebecca Lupin III, deftly snatching Lupin's vidwallet. "I left my purse in AD 2265 or 67. Lend me some bread, Bigger Jigger? Please?" cooed Fujiko into the Druid's ear. He grinned when she kissed him while he handed her his vidwallet.

"One problem, boyos and ladies. They will accept pounds and pence here, but not, I think, charge cards and UniCredits. However, to each her own eh?" chortled John Watson. "I thought of that already, guys. That's why I pinched Sherlock's, John's, Ned's and Hi's old-fashioned wallets and they're stuffed with bank notes. Bye." called Fujiko, blowing them a kiss while hands slapped to inside breast pockets.

"Never mind. The 3WA will reimburse all of you. Now, as to sleeping arrangements-" wondered Mr Garner.

"Guess ya kin come home with me- just for tonight. I will even share my gruel with you. OK. Out. I have to lock up and turn the wolfhounds loose." said Mr Scrooge.

"Hmmn. I must be a bit under the weather tonight. Could have sworn that door knocker looks like old 'Josiah Marlin'. Now, where's that damned key? One of you chaps steal it? I will have the law on ye if ye dinna give it back right now." snarled Scrooge.

"It's in the lock already, Grandpa. Ya blind or summat?" giggled Aisha CtarlCtarl, the nekomata catgirl. "Why, so 'tis. Thankee, young child. In ye git. Coal's gone up to tuppence a scuttle ye knows. Gents upstairs, ladies downstairs. Guess that includes the blonde tomboy whelp? Stay in yer rooms because atter ten, I turns loose the Dobermans. Cain't be too keerful what with all of 'Dr Thorndyke's crimes going on all the time." said the doddering old fool.

An hour later, Scrooge heard the sound of chains dragging up the stairs and then- a voice at his chamber door. "Ebenezer Scrooge! Get up off your lazy bum and let me in, dammit! I'm on a tight schedule." moaned the spectral voice. "Just a sec." said Gene, turning the huge key. "No! You fool! Don't let him in! Ya never open a door for a g-g-ghost! That's old Josiah Marlin and he's been dead fer seven long years!" whined Scrooge who was armed with a poker.

"Seven and a half." moaned Marlin's spirit, stepping through the door. "Ye never could do yer sums aright, ya old dunderhead! Thought ye couldna walk through doors yet?" snapped Scrooge. "I just got me merit badge fer dematerialization last month. I forgot. Ain't ya gonna ask me to siddoon? Never were too hospital, were ye?" grumbled the spectre.

"I think you mean 'hospitable', sir." corrected Jimbo Hawkins politely.

"Kids should be seen and nae heerd. Didn't hae no audience at 'Bram Stoker's place. Get up and let an old man set doon, sonny." replied Marlin and Garner stood up and helped the older ghostly manifestation into the armchair. "Ye dinna believes in me, do ya?" moaned Marlin. "Of course we do, sir." said young Hawkins. "I wasna speakin' to ye, ye young whipper-snapper." snapped the 'corpse from its grave'.

"If it will get rid o' ye that much sooner, OK. I believes in ya. Happy now, Pigtails?" snapped Scrooge. The ghost's hands went to his powdered wig ends. "Just for that last crack, I ain't gonna tell ya why I am here- so there." replied Marlin, poking out his tongue. The room shook like a typhoon had struck London!

"The HELL ya ain't! I gived up my turn fer ya, Fishface! Now gits on with it, dammit!" howled a voice of thunder. "OK! The 'Ghost o' Raynham Hall'. I switched years with him to come and warn you, Ebby." explained the spirit. "But the 'Raynham Hall' ghost is a lady, sir." pointed out Hawkins. "She took a vacation in Stockholm a century ago. Need I elaborate? Not fit speech fer mixed company." explained the ghostly figure.

"What mixed company?" Gene Starwind wanted to know, turning and throwing up gruel all over Mr Garner. "What a time to be so far from a 'repper', dammit. I told you not to eat that slop, didn't I?" said a disgusted Territorial Sector Chief. "He means me, Cap'n." said Melvina who was getting absent-minded these days. The robot android girl had again forgotten to get dressed before leaving the ship. "Sorry. I was still 'powering' the 'Star' when- thank you." she added when the ghost snatched one of Ebenezer's spare dressing gowns from the cupboard along with a pair of old carpet slippers. Mel's bosom filled out the bathrobe nicely. "Shall I explain why the lady went to Sweden, Mr Garner, sir?" she asked, tying the belt around her slender form. The gown was kilometres too long and large for the robotic girl.

"No, my dear. I believe the rest of us get the picture. Sit down by the fire and keep quiet. Continue, sir. This is all quite interesting indeed." said Garner, leaning on his stick which was really a double-flamed laser sword. A gift from 'Supreme Commander Leia Skywalker-Organa-Solo' last holiday season.

"Another 'Hunter', by Godfrey!" crowed Ned Challenger when old Josiah checked his pocket watch. "Ya want it, professor? Old Pigtails was buried with it and I kin show ya where. Only cost ya ten quid and six." offered Scrooge. "Robbing the dead is illegal, sir. I wouldn't think of disturbing a corpse." rumbled the big guy who resembled 'Dr Gideon Fell' in height, weight and girth.

"Almost time so- the quick version. Ebby, ye're gonna git visited by three 'sperrits' tonight. Expect the first when 'St Paul's tolls midnight; the second one tomorry night at the witching hour and the last one'll be by the day atter when the last stroke o' twelve hath ceased to vibrate! The old fool musta been in his cups when he wrote this claptrap stuff. Only met old Charlie D the once. Stop yer belly-achin'! The Boss says ya gotta hae their visits or ye'll be the next one making deals with lady 'sperrits'. Look to see me no more unless I need a loan. Then I'll asr ye to publish me memoirs and ye kin leave the royalties by me mausoleum. By the by- plenty o' room in there fer ye as well, Ebby, me old boyo. Ciao!" said the talkative ghost and then he walked through the door, tripped over his chains and fell down the steps, awakening 'Slicer', one of the Dobies. He barely escaped with his un-life!

"Here, old boy. Give 'Mr Carnacki' a jingle. He should be able to 'lay' these three spirits that Mr Marlin mentioned." said Sherlock, handing Scrooge a small pasteboard calling card. "Just tell him Holmes sent you. He'll give you a good deal." added the tall sleuth. The house shook a second time.

"That is against the rules as I told 'Mr Burger's predecessor last year. No 'exorcisms', Scrooge. You should know better, 'Master Ver-Nay'. You will take your medicine like the lying, sniveling, miserly coward that you are, sir. Alright! I am coming back. Just because you're the bloody 'Angel of Death', Mike, don't mean that you control the Spooks Department. 'King Yema' left me in charge while he searches fer the 'Phantom Coach'. Oh yeah and um always say your prayers, Scrooge. See ya." The voice left as quickly as it had arrived. (Who is running 'Otherworld' now? Find out in the next chapter maybe)?

"Loo-Pon! You didn't swipe that too, did ya?" roared Inspector Zenigata. "No way, 'Pops'! I did NOT swipe the 'Phantom Coach'. Never even heard of it before, man." said the suave thief defensively.

"Please try to be quiet tonight. I have a terrible headache and I need my eight hours. Just use any of the other rooms up here except for the one next door, gentlemen. That's where 'Mrs Meecher' sleeps when the weather is bad. She is my housekeeper and lives in 'Swansea'. Sometimes she just ain't up to that walk home." said Scrooge.

"How far away is this 'Swansea', venerable ancestour-san?" asked the big Samurai. "Oh, something like 17 miles as the crow flies, sir." replied Scrooge whose candle had gone out. Gene obligingly re-ignited it with his pocket laser. "Witchcraft, is it eh? So you're a 'warlock', are ye?" yelled the old man, snatching a crucifix from the wall and holding it aloft betwixt himself and Starwind.

"Nah, he ain't no warlock, sir. We're from the future and came here with a time machine that landed on our space ship." explained Pops and Scrooge felt the detective's forehead for signs of a fever. "Well, thankee anyway, but I'm fer me bed. Good night and pleasant dreams." said Scrooge who thought he was entertaining guests just escaped from 'Bedlam'!

"Looks as though we'll have to share rooms, gents." observed Dr Watson. The others agreed and split up thusly: Holmes and John; Gene and Jimbo; Jim and Artie; Jigen and Goemon and Lupin and Pops Zenigata. A floor below them, the only girls were sharing rooms as well: Aisha and Twilight; Melvina and Lynn Tanner; Willie Tanner and 'ALF' and Brian Tanner. 'Lucky' the Tanners' pet cat was in with Aisha and Lynn. This was because 'Melmacians' like 'ALF' usually dined on felines. Hildy, Dorothy and Kate were bunking together.

In Scrooge's bedroom, the clock struck 0100, OK, 1 AM- and the sitting room window shattered! Scrooge dove under his blankets and kept saying over and over: 'There's no sich things as ghosts. They be a figment of me ima-gee-nation.'

"Damned slippery window sill! Looks like I came in for a landin' too fast! Now, where the Hell's my 'cornet' cap? Mr Scrooge? Sir? Are you in here, sir? Halloo! Anybody ta home, man? Wowie! Five past one already and I got 20 more calls ta make tonight. Hope he's got home insurance from 'Galco'. They even work on the holidays, man. Ebenezer! Mr Scrooge? Sir? Where the Hell'd you guys come from, man and what the Dickens is that thing? Yuck!" said the ghostly form, standing up and dusting off her white and blue habit. 'ALF' and the gentlemen were all goggle-eyed and staring at an ANGEL!

END of Chapter 18. Chapter 19 'Christmas Past' or 'Trish Pays A Call' coming soon. Think ya know what's coming next just because, like me, ya have read this classic and seen the films about it on TV? Dream on, folks! For instance, whom d'ya think is this first Spirit? And who is running 'Otherworld' while King Yema's on holiday? Hope to post Ch 19 before Christmas. Will I? Have to just wait and see. Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers!- Story Teller Guy and Your Friendship Team.

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	19. Ch19'ChristmasPast'Trishy Pays A Call'

VOV Ch 19 'Christmas Past' or 'Trishy Pays A Call?'

DISCLAIMER: Greetings dear friends and loyal readers! Yup! It is I. Your pal, 'Story Teller Guy', your humble Literary Agent. Everyone in our tale is otherwise engaged so it is up to moi to deliver the usual palaver which we all know by heart, right? 'Nuff said eh? OK.

Thankee to everyone who is allowing us to use their Creations and tit for tat with our own Creations so long as we get just credit for them. Fine. Watch for a special story within a story in this chapter. Now back to the story.

As I recall, the gang from the Outlaw Star and the Blackmail Special ships had been accidentally whisked back to Victorian London in AD 1860 and have accepted the hospitality (?) of Ebenezer Scrooge. When Scrooge's sitting room window was shattered, everyone poured into the room while Ebby dove under his blankets- big fraidy cat!

"Look at that!" cried Lynn Tanner. "An honest to gosh resl life Angel, man! Wanna go to the music hall, dollface?" said a smitten 'ALF' and Willie Tanner grabbed the little furball and yanked him into a chair.

"Down, boyo! Angels are celibate. Good evening, Your Eminence. You must excuse our lil alien here. His hormones sometimes rule his small brain." explained Willie, bowing deeply and making the Stations of the Cross on bended knee. Willie was a good Catholic and a former altar boy.

"Hi there, guys! Man! Gotta watch them landings. Where is that blithering idiot Scrooge anyhow? I'm gonna be late for my next meeting." complained a very cross Angel girl. "Oh, where the Hell are me manners? I am the 'Spirit of Christmas Past'. Call me Trish." she added.

"Long past, mum?" Grandma Dorothy wanted to know. Trish shook her head and pointed at Scrooge's closed boudoir door.

"Nope. His past, lady. Scrooge! Either you are comin' outta there or I am a-comin' in! Yer choice, Gramps." replied Trish.

"NO! I'm coming out. Damned old Josiah Marlin. I am gonna show that professor feller where he's buried so he kin swipe his gold Hunter." grumbled Ebby, struggling into his woolly robe and Gucci slippers (The latter a prezzie from Fred's 'significant other', 'Gracie'). His door opened a crack and Scrooge walked out.

"Here I am, my dear. Please be gentle with me." he whined. "Oh, shut up, will ya? Everybody stand in the middle of the room. Yeah, even the love-struck lunatic bear." ordered Trish. She fiddled with some kind of gadget and the room was filled with stars!

"Hyperspace?" wondered 'ALF' as they all dematerialized only to rematerialize on a snowy hillside in the middle of nowhere. Remember that everyone is in their nighties and jammies, robes and slippers and it is frightfully chilly outside not to say damned cold! "Who turned on the AC? Shut it off, Kate." ordered 'ALF'.

"What air conditioner, 'ALF'? Where in Goshen are we, Your Eminence, ma'am?" replied Willie. "Ask him. It's his past, not mine, William Tanner. Well? Know where we is, Master Scroogie?" giggled the Angel/Spirit.

"Why, bless my soul! I was a lad here. I went to school at that monstrosity up there, my dear. Why, I could walk these trails blindfolded!" hooted the old fool. Shutting his eyes, Ebby took three steps, slipped and rolled down the hill and into and through a wagonload of kids all dolled up for a religious play. "Not to worry, guys. He's fine. These are but shadows of the things that was and they cain't see us at all. Who the Hell wrote this crap anyway? Musta been Chuckie Dickens, right? Thought so. He was such a long-winded old coot. Never mind, Eb. I'll 'transport' us to the damned schoolhouse. Hold on to yer garter belts, ladies. Shorts fer the guys." chuckled the Angel who was a bit flighty in more ways than one.

WHOOSH! "Hey! Who's the sourpuss sittin' there reading 'Gulliver's Travels', Willie?" 'ALF' wanted to know. He was a very nosy alien. "Why, it's me! But, how kin that be, Sperrit gal? I'm me and two of the same persons cannot-" lectured Scrooge. "Stow it already. The kid is you back when you were little. Ka-Mi! You were an ugly little brat, weren't ya?" laughed the Angel whose tactfulness needed work.

"My old man never let me come home- even on holidays. So books were my friends, my only friends." whimpered Scrooge the Elder. "Willie, why didn't he just turn on the radio or watch TV or go to the movies? His old man that cheap?" shouted 'ALF'.

Willie looked like he'd rather be back on the Star. "Those things had not been invented yet, 'ALF'- and stop looking up Mom's night gown, you pervert!" answered Lynn who was cuddling the Luckmeister. Show of hands. Will Lucky get back to the 23rd Century uneaten?

"Nobody liked me very much either. Except fer little Annie." sniffled big mean old Ebby, a tear in his eye. He blamed it on the cold despite the fact that the schoolroom had a blazing fire in the fireplace.

"Yoo hoo! Ebby! Daddykins says you kin come home fer good, man!" chattered a short blonde schoolgirl who rushed up to the young Ebenezer. "Fan! Here I am, Honeybunch!" shouted Ebby the Elder and Fan raced right through him! "Really, Fannie? Honest to galoshes?" cried the young Ebby and the scene dissolved to a scene inside a huge warehouse.

"Why looky there! It's old Fuzziwigman! Old Fuzzy bear alive again! He was a swell egg!" whimpered Scrooge. Trish pointed to a lovely teenaged brunette who was sitting w/ the youthful Ebby. "Belle? It's Belladonna de Coverley! I was engaged-" whined Scrooge the Elder, wiping a tear from his eye. "Now for another scene. Hey! Who wants to see the old fool throw away the Victorian Era's Doris Day?" chortled Trish who was drinking from the 'Cup of Human Kindness' and getting smashed.

"I think the poor guy has seen enough, Your Eminence, don't you?" suggested Willie. "Speak fer yerself, Willie. Does he get smacked around by Belladonna, Whitey?" yelled 'ALF'. Suddenly, all hands were back in Scrooge's sitting room. Scrooge, of course, was back under the covers in his four-poster bed.

BONG! "0100 already again? Scrooge better get his clock fixed, man." chuckled Gene Starwind. The sitting room seemed to grow in size and height. Sitting atop a mound of goodies beside a huge Christmas tree hung w/ more goodies was- of all persons- Conan the Barbarian!

"Scrooge! Get yore sorry arsehole out here! Or d'ya want us to come in and fetch ya?" roared Conan who was three sheets to the wind and having trouble sitting upright on his throne. "Want me to grab the old geezer fer ya, Viking Guy?" offered 'ALF'. Just then, Scrooge's bedroom door inched open a bit and Scrooge slid through the opening.

"C'mon in, kiddo. Come here and know me better, man! Have some food! Want a drink? Up ye git!" growled the mammoth giant and Ebby flew through the air to the top of the mantlepiece. "Free food, man!" yelled Hildy, shoving past 'ALF'. "Oh, do help yerselves, folks. Time for us to visit the populace of old Londontown. Here we go, lads and lasses!" yelped Conan and suddenly, they were all flying on a magical carpet above Bond Street.

Happy revelers were everywhere and Conan had a huge drinking horn he dumped over folks at random. "What's in the funnel, sir?" asked Brian Tanner. "I dunno, kid. My 1,859th brother give it to me and told me to sprinkle its contents on whoever needed a bit o' Christmasy cheer. Mead for all hands!" said the giant. "Cool!" yelled Brian, but as he reached for a horn of mead, Kate and Dorothy yanked it out of his hands. "You are not old enough for this, son." explained Kate.

'ALF' took a swig and spit it out all over poor Lynn. "Tastes like crap, man!" he yelped. Mead is a Northern liquor distilled from fermented honey and yeah, it stinks! Willie, Kate and Dorothy took hesitant sips and dumped theirs in the big pot under the tree. Suddenly, they were in a ritzy section of the city and peering in the windows of a large brownstone. "This is where yer nephew and his old lady live, Scroogey. See there? They always sets a place fer you- hopin' that ye'll show up one Christmas Day." explained the 'Spirit of Christmas Present' in case anyone hasn't realized who Conan is supposed to be.

The carpet lifted off again and they were hovering above a real dumpy looking cottage. "Why are we at the junkyard, Sperrit?" wondered the old nitwit. "Huh? This is where yer clark, Bobby Shaftoe Cratchit, his wife and kids live, man." explained Conan. "Willie! Somebody ate all their food up and it wasn't me either! Didn't we pass a supermarket on the way here? Let's go back and pick up a few things for the Crabapples. Please?" whined 'ALF'. Willie patiently explained that they were not really there, just shadows. "Nae, William Tanner. We be the shadows, not these folks. Hot damn! Me time groweth short indeed. Time to zip ya all back home so ye kin meet 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' better known as the 'Spirit of Christmas Yet To Show Up'- and I don't fancy meetin' that firebrand of an Amazon Hellcat! Matter o' fact, I'm droppin' you guys off right here in Whitechapel. Merry Christmas, gang!" roared Conan and then- he was gone!

"Damned cheeky o' ya to keep me coolin' me heels a-waitin' fer ya, dammit. Boo! I am the 'Spirit o' Christmas Yet To Shows Up', but ya kin jest calls me 'Boss'. Grab yerselves some jet packs and follers me, man. Hurry up, dammit! I ain't got all night ya knows!" grumbled a tall red-headed woman draped in black who had a cheroot in one hand and a tumbler of an ambre fluid in the other hand. "Damnation already! Cain't drink and fly, kin I? Begone demonic Irish liquor, but don't wander off too far, man!" she growled, sticking the cheroot in her mouth and igniting it w/ her flaming fingers!

The gang finally got the jet packs on and Gene managed to grab the old coot before he could run away from his Destiny. "Gotcha! Goin' somewheres, man?" snarled Gene. "I was just gonna pick up a fruitcake in case we get hungry, young sir." he whined. Hildy and Aisha managed to strap the remaining jet pack on Scrooge's back. Each gal took an arm and ignited their fuel tanks. The others were far ahead. However, Aisha and Hildy were old hands at flying and had soon caught up w/ the others.

"Bless my soul! Mrs M, the laundress and old Ketch, the undertaker! They all owe me money!" shouted Ebenezer while they hovered above a decrepit old building. "Get in here afore the Watch sees the lights!" warned a big guy with a metal arm. The sign on the door said 'J Black, Esquire/Imports & Exports'. By peering through a chink in the door, the gang was able to see Jett looking over the stuff he was about to fence.

"I will go first because my hearse is double-parked on High Holborn and I don't want another citation." explained Ketch.

"OK. Show old Jetty what ya swiped already." snapped the housekeeper. "Gladly, mum. (He dumped out a motley collection of junk on the floor) Quite a haul, eh, Mr Black? What d'ya say? About 15 quid huh?" he asked, rubbing his hands together. Jett shook his head. "Eight and six. Next?" he said and the laundress whose name was Elizabeth Boop, yanked out towels, wash cloths, lupas, sponges, drapes and sundry articles onto a huge sheet. "26 and five maybe?" she suggested. "17 and four. I always give too much to the ladies. Faye's always telling me that. Edward! Stop riding Ein! Last damned time I agree to babysit that brat! OK, Miz M. Yer turn." said the fence.

"Look here, Jett! A commode, a gold Hunter watch, blankets and bed-curtains as well as a shower curtain. At least 30?" wheedled the old housekeeper. "Shillings?" asked Jett. "Unh unh. Quid, man." replied the elder of the two ladies. "30 quid? Nah. Lessee now. Hmmn. 22 and nine. Not a farthing more. After all, ye canna just go uptown to a real pawn broker, kin ya?" chortled the big guy. Ketch had already split and the two ladies took their swag and then thumbed their noses at Jett when he wasn't looking their way.

"Apalling! The Watch should be told about these thieves!" snapped Scrooge.

"Oh, shut up, you fool!" snarled the 'Boss' angrily. "Are all persons this heartless?" asked Melvina and they were all soon jetting across the aether to the Cratchit home in Camdentown. "Who's dead, man? See the black wreath on the door, Willie?" whispered 'ALF'. "Wherever can your Papa be, kids?" asked Miz Cratchit who was again expecting. Five or six kids ranging in age from ten to fourteen shrugged their shoulders. "Mama? Don't we have anything better to read besides this King James Bible? Aw, never mind. I hear the old man now." said Andrew Carter Cratchit.

"Robert! Where is our daughter?" she demanded angrily. "Eh? Oh, I must have dropped her somewhere, my dear. She's a lot heavier than our Tiny Teddy ever was. Aha! Here she is. Don't tell me you've been picking pockets with the Artful Dodger again, Meggy? How many times have I told you: 'Thou shalt not steal if anyone is looking.'? I saw the hole where our Teddy will rest. It has a wonderful view of the lamp-black works and the Thames. We mustn't grieve overmuch. Can you believe that Mr Dickens actually thinks that we say crap like this? Oh yes. I saw Freddie What'shisname- the Boss's nephew and he wants to hire me and Andy to keep his dancing instruction account books for him. 18 quid a week for me and six for Andy. That way we kin move outta this dump as soon as New Year's is over. Fred's gonna lend us the downpayment on a nice Colonial with six bedrooms up near Mayfair." explained the breadwinner of the hovel. "Oh Robert, oops! Better ask our neighbour if we kin use his dray wagon- now. The kid's coming!" hollered Mrs C.

"Enough o' this drivel. Off to the morgue!" yelled the 'Boss' who had gone through three fifths of Jameson's already.

"OK, Eb. Yank off that stiff's blanket. Hurry up!" she snapped. "Oh no! I cannot. I have not the power." whined Scrooge. "Must be that blasted gruel, Jimbo." chuckled Gene. "I'll get it for ya, sir." said Brian, but suddenly they were all in a dank and dismal graveyard! "Your turn, fraidy cat! Read the epitaph on that there stone. Unh unh. Wrong grave. The one we wants is inside that mausoleum there. Jest a sec." Whoosh! They were all inside the charnel house and staring at a really dusty stone set in the wall.

"Afore I approach that stone, tell me this, Sperrit. Is these the shadows o' what may be or is they etched in stone if ye will pardon the pun, Miz 'Boss'? Why show me this stuff if I ain't got no hope left? Gotcha there eh? OK. I'll be a good boy from now on. I will live in the past, the present and the future. The sperrits o' all three o' ya shall strive within me and I will not shut oot the lessons that they teach! Oh dammit! 'Ebenezer Scrooge/RIP'. Here lieth the stingiest and most odious crook who ever lived. He died of pure mean-ness and 'cause he was a real blighter'. Oh, there's no place like home!" whined Scrooge, clapping his slippers together thrice.

POOF! "Don't ferget yer promises, man! Otherwise, I'll be back w/ some goblins to gits ya, Scrooge!" moaned the redhead before she passed out and vanished into the fog.

Scrooge immediately raided the cupboard for the brandy as soon as he saw that he was back in his own bedroom again. All of the adults followed suit and had soon cleaned out poor Ebby's liquor cabinets. Rebecca and Fujiko 'repped up' milkshakes for the kids. "Told ya that Lupin could steal anything! Even stuff that ain't even been invented yet!" laughed 'Pops' Zenigata.

Scrooge jumped about and frisked like a newborn foal and finally threw open his windows, almost falling in the process and shouted to a young Ninja lad in the street below. "What's today, me fine young laddie?" called Scrooge. "Eh? What's that, ya old coot? Why, it's Christmas Day, ya dumb old man!" replied Naruto Uzimaki who had wandered through one of his pal Harry Potter's 'Wizarding Worlds' after eating too much ramen.

"Yahoo! I ain't a-missed it! Them Sperrits dones it all in one night! Well, they kin do whats they likes eh? 'Course they kin!" mumbled Scrooge. Naruto was thinking of hailing a Watcher to take this wild-eyed idiot to 'Bedlam', but when he saw the shimmer of his gold, his greed took over. "Sure they kin, man!" he shouted. "D'ya know the poulterers in the next street but one across from the Micklewhite Fish Market?" yelled Ebby. "Sure do, old fo- er sir." replied the Ninja kid. "Ha'e they sold that there prized turkey in the winder?" asked Scrooge. "Ya mean the one that's twice my height, sir?" crowed the kid.

"An intelligent laddie. A remarkable lad. Yes, my buck. That be the one, sonny." called the reborn un-miserly gent. "Nope. Still there, man." said the kid, calculating how much he could get from this old fool. "Go and buy it then!" yelled Scrooge and the kid said "Walk-Er!" loudly. "No! I am in earnest! Go wake up the poulterer and bring him and the turkey back here! Come back w/ him and I'll give ya a few pence. Come back in less than five minutes and I'll make it a quid!" yelled the mellowed gent.

"Miz Uzimaki didn't birth no fools. Let's go, kiddo!" ordered the nine-tailed Kyune (Fox Demon) inside the Ninja kid. Off went the Ninja lad like a shot, leaping over buildings in a single bound until he crashed through the poulterer's shop window and ended up astride the big bird. "Who's doon there? It be only fair to warns ya that I got a loaded crossbow! Damnation! Look at me poor winder!" howled the dour old Scotsman, Caleb Montgomery Scott.

"If this be yer idee o' a joke, ye young whippersnapper- Good Grief! How many o' ye are there, laddie?" yelled Mr Scott.

"I told ya, man! There's an old geezer up the street who's loaded with boodle! He sent me. Bring that bird and follow me and he'll pay for everything! He's a bit of a looney tunes, but he's got the scratch, man! Honest!" said Naruto who was seated beside the old Scotsman atop the pony and trap. Hanging onto the hack's bottom, top and sides were several other Naruto 'Shadow Clones'. Braking to a bone-jarring halt, Naruto's 'clones' carried the big bird over to a smiling Mr Scrooge. The old man slapped a label addressed to 'The Cratchits- 15 Porter lane- Camdentown' on the side of the big bird. Then he tossed a satchel of gold Sovereigns to Mr Scott and a small sack of golen Florins to Naruto who took off for the nearest ramen shoppe in Limehouse.

We assume that the Cratchits were quite joyously surprised by the gigantic turkey, but our friends had all trooped along to Freddie's place with Ebby S for Christmas dinner. "Yes? Whom shall I say is calling, sir?" asked Matilda, the maid who answered the door at Fred's.

"He knows me. I am his Uncle Scrooge, mum. I say! She has fainted! Professors! Either of you a real sawbones?" asked the upset old gent. "I am a real doctor, sir. Bit o' amyl nitrite (smelling salts) should bring the lady around. Anyone have some brandy?" said Dr Watson. "Here. Give her a belt o' Irish, man." said the 'Spirit of Christmas Yet to Show Up' who was now in her working togs- a silver and magenta uniform since she was really a 'trouble consultant' cop for the 3WA! We finally learned that her name and title were 'Supreme Grand Marshall Keirran O'Halloran' or 'Kei' for short.

"Yuck! What is that rotgut crap?" demanded a now recovered Matilda. "Jameson's Irish- 200 proof, kid. Feelin' better?" asked the Marshall. "Dining room's through there. On the right. Oh my! You brought guests? The missus'll have a royal fit." said Matilda, going back to her ironing.

"I say! Whom do we have here? No! It can't be! Uncle?" wondered Freddie. "Sit down- and whom have we here eh?" added Fred when he saw the mob behind his uncle. "Hope ye dinna mind, boyo, but I invited some friends to come along with me?" whimpered Ebenezer. "Why the Hell not? The more, the merrier. Clothildy! A dozen more plates and bring in the extra table leaves too." ordered Freddie's wife, Gracie, draining her sixth bumper of eggnog. The newbies w/ Scrooge were a hit especially the 'Teddy bear' who told off-colour jokes nonstop.

The next morning, Bob C was three minutes late coming in and Scrooge read the Riot Act to him while the gang looked on. The gals were giggling like crazy. "I ain't gonna stand fer this no more, me old boyo and therefore- from now on, ye're salary will be quadrupled and I'm a-gonna wire 'Dr Hoganmeyer' in Luzerne immediately. We'll get 'Tiny Teddy' walkin' again. Want ye to meet some friends o' mine- My word! Where in tarnation have they gotten to?" wondered the best durn man, master and all around great guy in the city, country, world.

However, Dr Cueball had at last located the 'Challenger Time Flyer' and had transported the gang back to the Star and the Special.

Watching in the vidscreens, they all saw and heard 'Tiny Teddy' exclaim: 'Lordy bless us everyone!' And may that truly be said of us and all of us- Merry Christmas, my dear friends!

END of Chapter 19. Chapter 20 'Back to Normal?' or 'Seeking the Blade' to follow soon. Thankee fer yer support and keep them reviews a-comin', folks!- Story Teller Guy & Your Friendship Team.


	20. Ch20'Back to Normal'Seeking the Blade'

VOV Ch 20 'Back to Normal' or 'Seeking the Blade'

DISCLAIMER: Story Teller Guy's feeling a bit too much holiday cheer today so I have finally decided to come in and assist him. My name is The Keiman and yes, I am the creator of the O'Halloran and the Donovan Angels although the original Kei & Yuri Lovely Angels/Dirty Pair, were created by Haruka-San Takachiho who also created the Crusher Joe characters.

Most of you know that Yuri was made a Donovan because in Gaelic history, the Donovans were a powerful ruling royalty clan. However, many of you have asked why Kei is an O'Halloran and we told you that was because I once saw a very old horror film called 'Dementia 13' which was directed by Francis Ford Copola and produced by Roger Corman and which was set in Ireland in the family castle of Clan Halloran.

In Gaelic lingo, 'O', 'Mac' or 'Mc' before a name means son of or grandson of that clan. The Hallorans, besides being a very powerful clan were also quite notorious as, my pardon to any Hallorans or O'Hallorans out there, thieves, brigands and murderers. Sounds like Kei, right? Well, I saw that film last night- So now ya know.

OK, it's my task to deliver the diclaimer this time around. We thank all of the creators whose creations we have used, are using or may use in future writings. We especially thank Mr T w/o whose Angelic creations, there would be none of these starship reports and other sagas.

Now, I trust that everyone enjoyed our little take-off on Mr Dickens's classic 'A Christmas Carol' or 'Scrooge' as Hollywood has dubbed it in later remakes. Please forgive us for playing a bit looser with the story and characters, but pastiches are not easy to write w/o their sounding hackneyed and repetetive.

OK. Somehow, Dr Cueball and Wolfie, his research assistant in the 23rd Century for the 3WA's R&D department, have managed to snatch the 'Outlaw Star' and 'Blackmail Special' gangs back through time and space to Minerva where their mission will now commence. I know they need to seek the terrible sword on Fryygia, but- oh Hell, they miscalculated. Now begins the next part of our latest saga:

"Will you please get off me, Melvina! Ye gods, girl! You weigh a ton- at least!" howled James West of the 1885 Terran American Secret Service. "I apologize, Mr West, sir. However, my foot is stuck under some kind of pedal. I will attempt to pull it free." replied the Star's robotic android girl.

"NO! Don't even flinch, Honey! No telling what that pedal's for. Hmmn. Jimbo, according to the vidscreen, we are back in AD 2261 and it's 2 January. We are back on Minerva. Professor Challenger! Can you assist me, please? We don't want to leave on another joyride, sir." called Artemus Gordon, Jim's agent partner.

"Oh my stars and great Caesar's ghost! Hold her foot as tightly as you can, Mr Gordon. Stay absolutely motionless, Mr West. That treadle is used to travel between parallel dimensions in space and time. I say- MacDougal! Could you please bring me some duct tape? Thanks. Please hold that treadle up as high you can while I tape it in place. Thankee.

"My dear? Try and pull your foot loose, please. As gently as possible, Miss M. There we go. You can get off Mr West now, my dear and do go and dress- please. We may be older gentlemen, but we are still men. How will I ever explain to my dear wife that I have been traveling through Victorian England and the future aether with a nude female child? Oh dear, oh dear." said Ed Challenger.

"I don't have anything to worry about, being a bachelor like Holmes. John, what wife are you on now?" chortled Dr Professor Sir Hiram MacDougal, the 3WA's resident archaeologist. "Jennie LeBeau is my fifth wife, sir." replied John Watson coldly.

"Before I get dressed, when are we lifting off for Fryygia, Captain?" queried Melvina. "We all need a good night's rest, my dear. We will lift off at suns rise tomorrow. You may as well get dressed." said Territorial Sector Chief Garner. He had berthed his 'Blackmail Special' shuttle belowdecks beside 'ALF's whatever it was. Challenger and MacDougal transported Ed's 'time travel machine' down to the docking berths belowdeck and, as an added precaution, the shuttle, 'ALF's 'car' and Challenger's 'machine' were all locked and all 3 vessels were placed behind forced beam barriers.

It had been decided that everyone would travel aboard the Star for the entire voyage to the frigid icy world near Mongo. After a light dinner (They had all pigged out at Fred & Gracie's Christmas dinner party back in AD 1860), everyone went to their quarters while 'Winston' kept the Star in orbit around Minerva.

Lift-off occurred at suns rise (0500 hours or 5 AM) and they were now rocketing along at a mere 35 Warp or 35 times the speed of light.

"Captain Starwind? We will make for Mongo before we go to Fryygia. We will need a guide when we reach Fryygia." explained Garner. "You are thinking of the princess's lady-in-waiting, 'Mademoiselle Flossie', sir?" queried 'Winston' and Garner nodded.

"Who?" asked a yawning Hildy who had just awakened. "He means 'Florabelle de Luana' who assisted us on Mongo when we defeated 'Lord Ming' for 'Prince' now 'King Varin'. She knows that ice world like the back of her hand." answered Hiram MacDougall.

"Aw! That's two whole 'lightys' off our course, man." whined Jimbo Hawkins. "Don't argue with me, sonny. Just do it. Head for Southern Mongo. Flossie usually takes her winter holidays there." said Garner.

"At least it'll be warm, won't it?" asked Grandma Dorothy. "A Southern Mongo winter is usually around twenty below zero Kelvin, Dottie. In your lingo, minus 25 degrees Fahrenheit." chortled ALF. "Yes, but Southern Mongo has a weather shield barrier so it feels like Miami Beach does all year round, Furball." explained 'Hot Ice' Hildy.

"OK. You win, old man. Jimbo, lay in the fastest course for Mongo." sighed Gene. "You heard all of that, 'Winston'?" asked Jimbo H. "Of course. However, we have no power to move yet. Miss Mel is still napping, sir." replied the computer programme.

"I'll wake her up, guys." offered Lynn Tanner and she jogged down the hallway to the bedrooms. "There's nothing on TV, Willie." complained 'ALF' who was carrying a huge bowl of chips 'n dips in one paw and a vidTV remote unit in the other.

"What TV, 'ALF'?" asked Willie. "The big one back in that space room. Darned remote must be busted or it needs batteries." replied the alien dust mop. "That's no TV set, 'ALF'. That's the 'star window's vidcam monitor screen." explained Gene, helping himself to some chips. "It's polite to ask first, Captain. Ain't that right, Katie? That was one of Kate's rules when I moved into their house." said the 'ALFmeister'.

"Since they're our chips and our dips, why should I ask? Did you ask?" chuckled Gene. "Who swiped my chips, dammit?" howled Aisha who was balancing several trays of goodies and beverages in her paws. Kate, Willie and Artie each grabbed a tray before the nekomata catgirl alien dropped everything. Catching sight of the bowls in 'ALF's paws, she glared icy green daggers at him.

"Jimbo, see if ya can get anything on vidTV for us. I'll take first watch. West'll spell me followed by Willie, Ed, Hiram and Artie. Show our guests to the 'TV and game room'. How long 'til we reach Mongo, 'Winston'?" asked Gene. "A few solar hours, sir. We should make planetfall around dinnertime, 1700 hours (5 PM), Captain." replied 'Winston' who was always very polite unlike his 'Cousin CC' back on 'Shimougou'.

"What's a 'lighty', Dad?" asked Brian Tanner. "Ask little 'Lord Know-It-All'. He seems to know all about this place." replied a sarcastic Willie. "Of course I do. It's an abbreviation for 'light year', the distance light takes to travel from the sun to the earth- 186 million miles per second so Mongo's about 400 million miles away from here. Like 'Winston' said, a few hours at 35 Warp." explained 'ALF'. "You've been there before, 'ALF'?" asked an amazed Kate Tanner.

"Many times. 'Ming' was always stirring up trouble until the 3WA finally got rid of the little pest. Hey, Chuck! Has good old Varry been crowned King of Mongo yet?" asked 'ALF', glancing at Mr Garner who nodded abstractedly while perusing his PDO unit. 'ALF' ambled over to Garner and peered over his shoulder, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"Are we really going after the 'Ten Sword', Chuck?" whispered the astute alien and again Garner nodded. "Have you ever been to Fryygia, 'ALF'?" whispered Garner and it was 'ALF's turn to shake his head. "I haven't been there in years which is why we need Flossie for a guide. Hence, our side trip to Mongo. Last time we were there, I had the 'twin terrors' along with me. They are both on long overdue vacations and I don't need Donovan and O'Halloran around to screw things up." whispered Garner. "Gotcha, pal. Mum's the word, man. Um, Chuck? We sorta need a new toaster in the galley." whispered 'ALF'.

"Might I ask why?" replied Garner. "How was I supposed to know what would happen when I put cheeseburgers in it, Chuck?" whispered 'ALF'. "When you did WHAT!" howled Garner and everyone turned towards him. "Aisha? Please 'rep up' a new toaster for us and please don't ask me what happened to the old one, my dear. Thank you." said Garner. "I hope 'ALF' is going to behave himself this time, but I doubt it." whispered Willie to Kate. They were playing bridge with Jim West and Artie Gordon. Grandma Dorothy was reading the famous 'CC Moore' Christmas poem to Brian and Lynn while Jigen and Goemon were listening attentively.

Jimbo H was helping Becky, Fujiko and Hildy to whip up dinner in the galley. Melvina had stumbled sleepily to the bridge, shedding her clothing along the way and was now 'powering' the 'Star' stark maked and yawning. 'Winston' obligingly decreased their speed to 31 Warp so the robot android girl could power the vessel and nap at the same time. The first 'shortcut' was still an hour away and 'Winston' could easily negotiate it without human assistance. Lupin was ensconced in the ready room (office) behind the bridge with Ed Challenger and Hi MacDougall where they were deciphering the runes on the ancient Fryygian vidstar charts.

"That fortress won't be a piece o' cake to get into, guys. Any of those runes gonna help us, gents? 'Pops', this time I am being asked to steal something for the good of humanity. Gimme a break, will ya? Put those cuffs away and go watch TV or shoot some pool or something, man. I give ya my word that I won't steal anything while I'm aboard this ship. OK?" grumbled Lupin.

"OK, Loo-pon. Just remember that I'm a-watchin' ya- real good. You two call me if he tries anything cute and that's an order." snarled 'Pops' Zenigata, Lupin's nemesis from Interpol. "Rest assured, sir. If we need any help, we'll call ya so split." said Professor Edward Challenger. He was exasperated. "These runes are not 'Coptic'. Nor are they' Cuneiform', 'Babylonian' or 'Celtic'." said Dr Professor Sir Hiram MacDougall.

"Of course they ain't. They're 'Melmacian'." piped up 'ALF' who was standing in the doorway. "Are you certain?" demanded Ed while Hi grinned. "I should think the laddie would know his own language, Eddie, don't you?" chuckled the big Scotsman archaeologist. "I suppose so. OK, translate it for us, young anteater." said the weary British scientist and inventor from Terra's Victorian Era.

"There are three quatrains here- so far. Hmmn. 'Strike the bird thrice when the moons have arisen to reveal the keyhole'; 'Use the key which is guarded by the last Melmacian visitor' and 'To reach the 'Blade of Blades', to rise ye must fall'. Now, turn the chart over and get me a candle." said 'ALF'. Ed went off in search of a candle. "Go down to my 'car' and bring up my suitcase, Mac. Hurry up if you want that key." said 'ALF' and the big Scotsman strode off towards the lift banks. He ran into Ed along the way who had found a box of wax tapers and some matches.

"Let's wait for Mac to get back with my suitcase." said 'ALF' to an impatient Ed Challenger. "Here ye go, me old boyo. Damned heavy, I must say. What ha'e ye got in here, rocks?" chortled Hiram. "Light a candle and hold it precisely sixteen centimetres above the chart. Yes, I said 'above', not 'below'. Just do it, Eddie baby! Now where's that danged key. OK, here 'tis. See the outline in the candle glow? Now, I place my 'key' (It looked more like a child's toy yoyo though) thusly and look!" yelped 'ALF' when the far wall was illuminated by a beam of greenish yellow light.

"My word! An ancient 'hologram'! Hot damnation!" swore the Scotsman while Ed's mouth dropped open. "Look fast, guys. Better yet, snap a pix w/ yer vidcellphone- quick! See that thing in the middle what looks like a crucifix? That's the 'Blade of Blades' mentioned in the third rune." explained 'ALF'. Hiram snapped several vidphotos and then a strange gust of wind extinguished both candle flame and 'hologram'.

"But what does it all mean?" demanded Ed. "Aye, little laddie. Makes nae sense at all to meself." agreed Hiram.

"Hey! All I am is the keeper of the key. I remember me old great-grand-dad 'Thomas Shumway' telling me that I was destined to be the last survivour of 'Melmac' and he made me swear never to reveal that I possessed the 'key' unless it was a matter of life or death for the Universes. He didn't know what any of it meant either. You're the eggheads, not me. I translated it for ya. The rest is your own problem. Here's the 'key' which is supposed to unlock the 'Great Eastern Gate' of some old fortress or castle. Guess we'll find out soon whether we can find that old sword or not. Hey! I smell food! Must be dinnertime! See ya!" yelped 'ALF' and he scampered off to stuff his face and fill up his eight stomachs. (AN: Melmacians have only 10 internal organs and 8 of them are stomachs)!

"Hullo there, Miss Flossie. This is Charlie Garner. Remember me? 3WA? Right. Hate to bother ya on your vacation, but- I need a favour. D'ya know Northern 'Fryygia' where the old fortress is located? Yeah, you and your boss lady used its outer walls to hold back Ming that time we helped you guys defeat him and put Varin on the throne of Mongo. OK, I need a guide to take a mission team to that fortress- and inside it. (Garner held the vidphone away from his ear when Flossie began shouting) I ain't askin' ya to do it fer nothing!

"How does 5K UniCreds sound for a few days' work? 12K? Seven. OK, 10 it is. We'll be on 'Fryygia' in another day or two. Gimme yer co-ordinates. Unh huh. Got it. See ya soon. Pack yer snuggies. Guess I don't gotta tell ya that. The ship? Called 'Outlaw Star'. Yeah, we'll rent a couple of 'ice skimmers' when we get to 'Norwyka' (A province in N Fryygia where the fortress is located) No, I'll pay for that too. Honey, we are after the 'Blade of Destiny'. Calm down, please. We ain't gonna use it! 'God' (Mr Galadriel the self-proclaimed 'God of the 3WA') wants it destroyed before 'Young FuManchu' can get hold of it. I'll brief ya fully when we get there. Sure, I'll arrange things so that you get an extra fortnight of vacation time. Your boss lady owes me quite a few favours.

"OK. See ya soon, love. Sayonara. My best to your sister and Varin. Toodles." said Garner, cradling his vidphone.

"Get us a guide, Chuck? Burp." asked 'ALF' who never knew when to mind his own business. Garner grinned. "Sure did. Gonna cost Mr Galadriel 10K, but he's given me a blank cheque for this mission. Son, not a word about our quarry to anyone. 'Young Fu' could have invisible spies aboard this vessel. Don't even think about that weapon we're after. In this era, almost everyone can 'mind send' and mind speak'. Leave any food for the rest of us." chortled Garner.

"Kate and Dottie are cookin' up a storm in the kitchen, Chuck. Even I couldn't finish everything! Burp." replied 'ALF'.

"Which part of 'Fryygia' are we headed for, Mr G?" asked Jimbo Hawkins. "These co-ordinates, son. In the South. We have to pick up our guide. Know anybody who can rent us a couple of 'ice skimmers' in 'Norwyka'- up North?" asked Garner.

"I don't, but I think that Gene knows a broad who runs a rental place near the old fortress. Want to join me for dinner? That is, if the fuzzy 'Teddy bear' left anything for us." chuckled the Star's navvy.

"Delicious, ladies. My compliments. Melvina! Please don't walk around the ship in your underwear! We have children aboard. What's our ETA? I assume that young Hawkins has given you and 'Winston' the new co-ordinates?" asked Garner.

"Yeah. Around elevenish tomorrow morning. Gene found us a shortcut to Southern Fryygia. "Mom! That lady's running around the ship the same way that Lynny used to when she was a little kid!" yelled Brian Tanner. "For heavens sake, girl! Have you no shame? Put some clothes on, dear." cried Grandma Dorothy, covering the boy's eyes. "Hubba hubba, baby! She's really stacked, Willie! Not like Katie or the old witch!" chortled 'ALF' and Willie Tanner pretended that he was somewhere else.

"Get dressed, Melly and that's an order too!" yelled Captain Gene Starwind who was shuffling through several vidstar charts. "Relax, guys. I put the ship on 'George', er, 'Winston'. Who the Hell ate the last blueberry muffin? As if I didn't know, right?" grumbled Gene. "Just tell the witch and Willie's old lady to bake some more fer ya, 'Starscreamer'. That's what they're here for, right Willie?" replied 'ALF'.

"I believe that I am going to take the kids to the 'star room'. I wouldn't rpeat what you just said around Kate or Dorothy- if you value your life, 'ALFmeister'. Come along, Lynn, Brian." said Willie Tanner who wanted to put some distance between himself and his resident alien Melmacian.

The next morning at ten hundred hours or 10 AM, 'Winston' and Melvina orbited Southern Fryygia while Artie and Garner took a speeder shuttle down to the surface to pick up Flossie. A doey-eyed ash blonde 20-something wearing a khaki jumpsuit and boots had just hopped out of a 'holotaxicab' when 'Uncle Charlie' coasted his speeder to a halt beside her.

"Uncle Charlie! I thought that you said elevenish? It's only a bit past ten, man. Good thing I checked out early. Hi there, sir. Name's Florinda but everyone calls me Flossie. Pleased ta meet ya, man. Well? Get my stuff outta the 'holocab', Unkie. Thank you, sir. Oh, I mean Mr Gordon, OK, Artie. Unk? Can you pay the 'droid driver please? He only takes UC's and all I have is local 'Zennies' and 'Double $$' bucks. Thanks." said Flossie. Artie held open the gull wing door for her and Flossie stepped into the speeder's rear seat.

"Strap in, my dear. Hands clear? OK, let's go." said Garner, snapping the top shut. Artie secured the doors and they lifted off smoothly. Within a few minutes, Flossie was being introduced to the passengers and crew of the Star. "You look tired out, kiddo. Sorry, but you'll have to share a room with Becky and me. Follow me." said Fujiko, hefting two of Flossie's suitcases while Brian Tanner grabbed her overnight case and 'ALF' hefted her remaining two suitcases.

"Hi there. You must be Flossie. I'm Rebecca, call me Becky and I see you've already met Fuji. We're in those two bunks so you can have either of the other two- upper or lower. "I'm claustrophobic so I'll take the upper one, ladies. Thanks a lot, guys. See ya later, man. Bye." said Flossie. Fuji glanced meaningly at the furball and the kid. Brian bowed and left while 'ALF' ogled the newbie until Becky firmly shoved him through the portalway. The portals swished shut and the two helpers were left standing in the hallway.

"Not even a tip! She could have at least kissed us!" growled 'ALF'. "Why on Earth would she do that?" chuckled Willie Tanner when 'ALF' told him about their non-reward for playing bellhops to Flossie. "She'll get used to him, Daddy. Ooh! Look, Brian! A shooting star!" cooed Lynn Tanner, pointing out the 'star window' which was really a vidscreen for the exterior vidcams.

"That ain't no shootin' star, Lynny. That's a humongously big starship! Not Federation or 3WA neither. 'Captain Starscreamer'! Get your butt in here! Now!" yelled 'ALF' and Gene came hot-footing it down the companionway to the 'star room'. "What's wrong, furball? Holy jumpin' 'Hot Ice Hildy'! Yo! Aisha! Come to the 'star room' pronto!" bellowed Gene into his comm badge.

"Can't a gal even take a bath in peace on this tub, man?" howled the nekomata catgirl alien who was dripping wet and- stark naked! 'ALF's eyes popped, Willie covered Lynn's eyes while she covered Brian's. "Is that one of your 'CtarlCtarl' ships, Aisha?" demanded Gene. Kate arrived and yanked a tablecloth off the central table and draped it around Aisha. "Nope. That's an R-Class battle cruiser. Can't quite make out her name. Somebody raise the 'window's magnification to plus a thousand. (Gene did so and the faroff ship seemed to leap through the heavens) Unh huh. The 'Wandering Gypsy'. Ever hear of it, Hildy?" asked Aisha.

"Yeah and I hope to heaven your eyes are wrong, Kitty Cat! Oh no! It is the 'Gypsy'! Get Garner and I mean now! That's 'FuManchu'! The guy we don't want getting hold of you-know-what! For Kriss-sakes, she's decent- sorta. Lynn? Go find Garner, but don't mention the ship to him. The walls may have ears and eyes, kiddo." ordered 'Hot Ice' Hilda. Lynn took off.

"What the Hell's all the hubbub here? Oh my socks and garters! It's 'Young FuManchu's vessel! How far off is he, Gene? Are we cloaked, 'Winston'?" snarled Garner. "Relax. About a thousand 'Lightys', Chuck. Yeah, we're still cloaked. I suggest that we loop around to the dark side of Fryygia and approach 'Norwyka' from the East. That way we'll have the light side between us and 'Fu'." said Gene and Garner nodded. "Make it so and do it fast. Don't go 'hyperspace' just yet. We'd have to drop our cloak and I don't want 'Fu' following us." ordered Garner.

"Willie? Tell the old geezer (Garner) that other ship's headed for the 'Timonian Galaxy'. If he noticed our exhaust stream, he'd have closed with us." said the obnoxious Melmacian furball. "He's right, Chuck. The 'Gypsy's headed West. I agree with Gene though. We shouldn't take any chances of being spotted. It'll only add a solar day to our voyage anyhow." pointed out Hildy.

"Yeah, but we can't use Gene's shortcut now. Wait! How about the 'Vegetan Trough'? It runs through where the 'Saiyaan' homeworld used to be and then continues through the space dust that used to be my homeworld of Melmac. That'll bring us out damned close to 'Norwyka' and still keep the light side between us and anyone trying to follow us." suggested 'ALF'. After all, he used to be on a Space Patrol so he must know his way around the galaxies, right?

"Fine. Do it. It's like having 'She Who Will Be Obeyed' in command all over again." sighed Garner. Most of the ship's inhabitants had no idea what the Dickens he was yakking about. However, those who DID know were keeping mum. Garner had enough problems already. "Mr Shumway? ('ALF's real moniker was Gordon Shumway) You will take over navigational duties. Hawkins will become a fore-gunner. OK, move it, people! Time it be a-wasting!" snapped Garner. 'ALF' broke the speed record and Jimbo wasn't far behind the lil furball.

"Yuck! Look at all that junk out there, Kate. What's up w/ this place?" asked Grandma Dorothy. 'ALF' looked sad and so did Gene. "That's all that's left of two great civilizations, Granny. On the left is the once proud warrior world of 'Vegeta', homeworld of the mighty 'Saiyaan' race. On the right is what used to be my home- 'Melmac'.

"That long stretch of space between 'em is the 'Vegetan Trough'. It'll lead us East to the dark side of 'Fryygia's Northern province of 'Norwyka'. The great old fortress of 'Frosty Acres' is not more than 500 kilometres from there. We should be there by tomorrow night. 'Winston', Melly? Hard a-starboard and floor it. The sooner we get there, the better, man." ordered the Star's new navvy.

"By your command, sir." replied Melvina and 'Winston' simultaneously. The ship accellerated and went into a tight corkscrew turn. Soon they were rocketing through a collection of space flotsam and jetsam. Everyone not on the bridge had their faces pressed against the side 'windows' of the vessel.

"Sire? I am no longer picking up that 'pinging' so it must have been 'residual fallout', my lord." reported the 'Wandering Gypsy's scanner officer, 'Lt Commodore Ishidora Moto'. "Really, Ishi? I am not so sure, my dear friend. 'Sir Denis Nayland-Schmidt' is no fool. I am almost certain that he has been dogging our tailfins ever since we left 'Minerva'. 'Irina'! My pot of green tea is empty. What was it that we learned at that inn before we left, Ishi?" asked the silky-voiced Chinese Mandarin whose ancestour had been the insidious 'Dr FuManchu' and whose name he proudly bore.

"Only that the 3WA's top Sector Chief Garner had visited them with some officers from the 'Outlaw Star' and met the gang of that expert art thief, 'Arsene Lupin III'. Oh yes, and for this mission, their nemesis from Interpol, Inspector Zenigata, has joined forces with Lupin's gang and the 3WA. Master, do they seek the 'Blade of Destiny' as well?" replied Ishi.

"Most assuredly this is true, Ishi. Ah, thank you, my dear child. Green tea clears the mind for deep thought. Have some, Ishi?" asked the tall, cadaverous Chinese warlord who resembled his ancient Terran ancestour.

"Thank you, Master. Oh no! Not again! Did we have to drag that blasted crybaby along with us, Sire?" asked Ishi, accepting a cup of tea from 'Irina Fah Lo Suee FuManchu', his Master's lovely niece.

"No doubt you refer to that deposed dictator, 'Ming the so-called Merciless'? It is written in the stars that he who shall first lay hands upon the 'Tenth Sword' shall unlock its true potential and lose his life in the process. Would you care to be that person, my friend? No? Neither would I. Hence, our need for this foolish former 'Emporer of Mongo'. More tea? No? Then please return to your scanning duties." said the warlord quietly.

"Please send 'Lord Arkuro' to my quarters, 'Miss Zenna'. Thank you, my child." said Fu into his vidphone. A few moments later, a tall and regal-appearing Oriental entered the room and bowed deeply. "Arise and sit with me, my friend. Tea? No? Very well. What is our present course?" asked his Master.

"We are heading West towards the light side of Southern 'Fryygia', my liege." replied 'Arkuro Takashi' who was the ship's navigator. "Ah, that is not good. Please to alter our course by 180 degrees, my friend." ordered his Master.

"But Sire, that will take us to the dark side of the South-" began 'Akuro' before Fu waved his hand impatiently. "No. We must head for the dark side, it is a fact. However, I wish to reach the Northern hemisphere of this ice world. Understood?" commanded his Master.

"Sire, the honourable 'Lord Moto' picked up that signal in a generally Southerly direction. In my opinion-" began Takashi.

"I do not wish for your opinion, mongrel!" shouted a furious FuManchu. "No doubt the fools are going to pick up some sort of 'guide' in the South. Their ultimate destination must be the same as ours- 'Frosty Acres' and that is in the North. No doubt they will need to rent transport upon their arrival. We already have 'ice skimmers' aboard and need not waste precious time. So make for 'Norwyka Province' with all possible speed. Is this clearly understood? (Takashi nodded) Then make it so. We must reach the castle before this 'Oulaw Star', Arkuro. Dismissed." ordered Fu and Arkuro bowed and left him.

"Good job, son. Glad that your friend remembered that place that rents skimmers in 'Galajorn Province'. We only lost a few hours and now we can fly straight to 'Frosty Acres' without a stopover in town." said a grateful Garner.

"That's good, Chuck because the 'Gypsy' is not far ahead of us." said a grim-faced Hildy. Everyone raced for the 'star windows'.

"I don't see anything out there, Miss Hilda." said Brian Tanner, his nose pressed to the glass while 'ALF' fiddled with the 'window' controls. 'Hot Ice' Hilda sighed and lit a cheroot before replying.

"I didn't say that I 'saw' anything, kid. I have 'mind speak' and 'mind send'. In other words, I have 'sensed' its presence by 'reading the minds' of a few of the inferior beings aboard the 'Gypsy'. Captain, they are no more than a few hours ahead of us." said Hildy. Garner looked worried.

"Then they will reach the fortress before us, my child?" he asked worriedly. She nodded and sipped her java.

"Sure. However, they will need to solve the same riddles as you have in order to get inside the place. Yes, the young Chink somehow has dupes of our vidstar charts and that old grimoire of yours, Hiram." sighed Hildy.

"Maybe they'll leave the door open for us, guys." suggested Gene while Hawkins made a circuar motion around his head and pointed to his older shipmate. "I doubt if they will even if they had that option, Captain." said 'Winston'.

"He means that once a riddle is solved, the castle will allow the gateway to remain open only long enough for Fu and his co-horts to get through before it seals itself again. Par for the course for magical talismans and such." growled Ed Challenger who was dropping cigar ashes all over the floor. Sir Hiram MacDougall nodded sagely and agreed. "Not really the sporting thing to not make us solve our own riddles same as the young Chinaman." he laughed.

"Questions?" asked Garner. "Isn't it dinnertime yet?" asked 'ALF' who was hungrily alternately eyeing 'Lucky', the Tanners' pet cat and the ship's own nekomata catgirl alien, Aisha CtarlCtarl. "Stop lookin' at me, man. Ya gimme the creepy crawlies." snarled Aisha.

"Don't even think about it, 'ALF'." cautioned Willie Tanner. Aisha scooped up 'Lucky' and left the room.

"Us kitties gotta stick together, kid. Want some catnip?" said Aisha when she had locked herself in her bedroom with Lucky.

"I think we could all use some sleep, folks." suggested Artie Gordon and everyone agreed. Artie and Jim West lagged behind the others and stared out of the 'star room's 'windows'. "Senny sen for 'em, pal." asked Artie and Jim sighed.

"If we ever get outta this mess and get back to good old Earth, do me a big favour, Artemus. Whatever we come across that is unusual, please leave it alone. Wow! Look at that thing out there. Flashing lights and a 'Save the Jacarondas' bumper sticker on it." replied Jim West. A furry something hopped onto the sill and stared at the new starship.

"Huh? 'InterGalactic Space Command' all the way out here? Wonder why?" queried 'ALF'.

"That is our back-up, Mr Shumway. Hildy 'mind sent' for it on my instructions. In case you have not noticed it, gentlemen, this vessel is devoid of any heavy firepower. The 'Nova Hellsing' is a 3WA ship currently on loan to the 'IGSC'." explained Garner.

"Not the 'Vampiress's ship, man? Oh wowie wow wow! 'Vickie' always gives me the heebie-jeebies!" meowed Aisha who was cradling her new kitty cat friend Lucky in her arms. Aisha had changed into jammies, kimono and slippers and now she was quite fit for mixed company.

"Yes and please don't tease her or 'Lord Alucard'. You know how sensitive they are about their, um, condition." warned the silver-haired oldster Sector Chief.

"Vampires? Really? You mean like blood drinkers, man?" howled the furball. Garner grinned. "Not to worry, little bear. They only drink animal blood." he explained. "Not from aliens like you, furball." chuckled Gene. "Their boss lady will not allow them to harm anyone or anything so stop fretting." said Hildy. "Better warn them to cloak the 'Hellsing', Captain." warned Garner.

"Jimbo's gone to comm relay 'Sir Integra', Chuck. There. See? They just cloaked. I don't think the 'Gypsy' even noticed them." said Gene. It was true. The starship had vanished from sight. "Time for some shuteye, folks. See ya in the morning." yawned Garner and they all retired to their rooms except for 'ALF' who gazed wistfully at what was left of his homeworld.

"What does that first rune say, 'Lord Algernon'?" asked FuManchu. The 'Gypsy' had landed and cloaked itself on the high escarpment which overlooked the old fortress known as 'Frosty Acres'. 'Lord Algernon Wickersham-Kramer' grunted and squinted at the parchments he had laid out on the floor of the 'ice skimmer'.

"Hmnn. 'Strike the bird thrice when the moons have arisen to reveal the keyhole.' is how I make it, Sire. This ancient 'Melmacian' scrawl is difficult to read. Damned lunatics couldn't write worth a shit. A 'keyhole' means we need a 'key' though. In any case, the 'moons rising' means nightfall so we must wait until dark in any case." observed the spindly-legged archaeologist.

"What bird, milord?" asked 'Irina' quietly. The elderly scientist pointed above his head towards the battlements.

"I should think that one up there, my dear girl. "The gargoyle?" suggested Takashi. His lordship nodded sagely. "Must mean a hidden keyhole to be revealed at moons rise. "How many lunar planets surround this world, milord?" asked FuManchu.

"Six, Sire. We must wait another four hours for suns set. Awaken me then." yawned the elderly archaeologist.

"They must have the 'key'. My niece, do you think that you can 'jump' to the 'Outlaw Star' and find this key we require?" asked the Mandarin and she nodded. "Very well. Prepare thyself for my invisibility formula. You gentlemen must wait for me at the gates of this castle. As you know, my invisibility formula can only work on bare flesh and my niece's modesty must be protected." said FuManchu firmly. The others quickly left the 'ice skimmer' and huddled together under the ice encrusted trees a short distance beyond the gates.

"Quickly now, my child. Divest thyself of thy garments." commanded her uncle and unabashedly, 'Irina' stripped to the buff. Fu began muttering incantations in a language that was old when the Universes were still new. Slowly, the raven-haired girl vanished into the aether until she was completely invisible. "Hurry now, my dear. Remember that this 'key' could look like anything. However, notice that stone bird above ye. That figure's image will more than likely be upon the key somewhere. Go now and godspeed." he added.

The invisible girl cocentrated 'chakra power' into her feet and legs, flexed her knees, prayed to the luck god 'Kwan Yin' and leaped upwards as far as she could while picturing the interior of the 'Outlaw Star' in her mind. Soon she was traveling faster than light itself until she stepped out onto the cold deck floor of the 'Star's central hallway.

"Ain't my fault that the damned 'key' looks like a kid's yoyo. The sacred 'Fire Bird' is engraved on it so it's the goods, man." mumbled 'ALF' who was toying with the yoyo from his own vessel. 'Irina's eyes lit up with a cool green fire and the Chinese maiden smiled. This was going to be easier than she had thought it would be.

"I will take that, thank you, little one." she breathed, snatching the toy from 'ALF's paw. "Quickly now. Back to Uncle Fu- Oh dear! What is happening? I feel so strange and- No! I can see my hand! That means that I am becoming visible! I cannot 'jump' when I am visible! I must hide!" she thought to herself. Suddenly, the cold of the ship began to penetrate her naked body.

"Wow! Where'd you come from, baby? Hey! That's mine, dammit!" howled the little furball, snatching away the yoyo.

"Gotcha, Honey! Don't struggle so damned much! Artie! Get some cuffs and some rope. We have a prisoner." yelled Jim West who had the now fully visible 'Irina' in a painful hammerlock. It was the work of a few moments to bind and gag the naked girl despite her squirming and cursing. Hildy appeared on the scene and sent Lynn to bring clothes for their captive.

"You need not fear my escaping, my friends. I am powerless to 'jump' when I am visible. I thank you for covering my nakedness. My uncle will reward ye handsomely for me. He is- announced the Chinese girl haughtily.

"Young Dr FuManchu unless I am greatly mistaken, child." said Garner. "So- Uncle Fu knows about the runes, but does not have a 'key' to unlock the gateway, eh?" snapped a jubilant Professor Edward Challenger.

"Like the Terran TV star 'Sgt Schultz', I know no-thing, eminent scholar, sir." she snarled.

"Seems that we have no other choice save to keep 'Miss Irina Fah Lo Suee FuManchu' as our hostage. Her uncle is undoubtedly awaiting her return at 'Frosty Acres'. She was sent to steal the 'key' from us. I have heard of her venerated uncle's experiments with 'forbidden jutsu', especially the ancient 'spell of invisibility' which only works on naked flesh. We are in a bit of a dill pickle here, ain't we?" mused Sir Hiram MacDougall.

"No other way into this place, professors?" asked Willie Tanner. "None that I ever heard tell of, Tanner." growled Challenger and Hiram shook his head sadly.

"Then let's have another gander at those charts, gents." suggested Artie Gordon.

"That looks like an old tunnel on the Eastern face of the wall." pointed out Jim West. The scholars agreed that it might just be worth a try. Aisha placed a strange looking silver-chased tiara around 'Irina's shapely coiffure.

"This will keep her from 'mind sending' to dear old Uncle Pain-in the-rumpus. I do not trust this bitch one little bit." snarled the nekomata catgirl alien and 'Irina' looked daggers at her. However, with her hands 'force beam' cuffed, she could do nothing.

"My uncle will be cross with me for allowing myself to be captured." cooed the maiden. "Why? It's his own damned fault ya got to be seen by us, ain't it? His magical spells wore off, didn't they?" said 'ALF'.

"Of course, with him waiting at the gateway, we cannot very well use our 'key', can we?" asked 'Dr Watson'. "No, indeed we cannot, old fellow." agreed 'Sherlock Holmes'.

"Have 'Winston' take an Easterly heading and land us near the Eastern wall, Captain." ordered Garner.

"I say, where are our 'ice skimmers', eh?" asked Gene when they had landed and re-cloaked a few hours later.

"On their way here, I hope. I made arrangements with those Terran 'Ice Road Brigade' pilots." snapped Hildy. Suddenly, a huge 'space rig' swooped low and set down in the middle of a wide ice-covered river. The canopy popped open and a fur-clad figure emerged followed by another fur clad figure. "They look damned familiar. Not any of the 'Ice Guys' though." said Garner.

"Hullo there, guys! Sorry we're a tad late, but I had a lousy navvy." said the first figure, flipping back the hood on her parka. "Not my damned fault, Xy! You grabbed the wrong vidmaps at that space truck layover place, man!" snarled her companion, a guy.

"As I live and breathe! 'Brigadier Hogan' and 'Captain Xylo Phone'! Glad ya could make it, Bob, Xy. I trust you brought our skimmers?" asked Garner anxiously. Hogan nodded and yanked open the rig's airlock portal. "Yeah, 'Bear' claimed that he and the rest of the 'Ice Roaders' had been re-assigned to a secret mission. Transporting some kinda 'Gundam Mobile Suits' for 'Uncle Vito' (Galadriel) but it's a hush hush top secret deal. Hiya, 'Hot Ice'. How's tricks? Still hangin' atound w/ that crazy kitty cat and that asinine assassin babe?" laughed Xylo, trundling the last skimmer down the ramp while Bobby Hogan re-secured the airlock portal.

"Ugh! Are they the best ya could get, old geezer? They're ancient!" said 'ALF' while Willie attempted to apologize for the furball's bad manners.

"We were lucky to get these four, Fuzzy. And they are AD 2255 models so they are only about half a decade old. Excuse me, Bob, Miss P. Where d'ya think you're going?" said Garner when the two fur clad Eskimos headed back to their rig.

"We have a week of R&R, Chief. We are goning to spend it on 'Orion 6' and-" cooed Xylo excitedly. Garner shook his head.

"No, as of now you and the Brigadier are part of my mission team. Not to worry. I have cleared it with Mr Galadriel and when this mission ends, you'll both have a month of R&R to spend together. Can your rig 'cloak'? (Xylo shook her head) Then get it aboard the 'Star' quickly. You'll travel with us on one of the skimmers. Sorry, but I must insist this time, my dear." apologized Garner.

"OK. Bobby, better grab our gear before I dock our rig aboard Gene's ship. Anybody need parkas, gloves, winter boots, scarf or ski pants? We brought along a lot of 'em." drawled Xylo. The Tanners, West and Artie started grabbing the furs. FuManchu's daughter was the only one besides Artie and the Tanners who bothered to express her gratitude. Remember that she had arrived aboard the Star completely nude.

An hour later, the four ice skimmers jetted off towards 'Frosty Acres'.

"Well, there's the gateway, guys. No sign of your uncle though, Honey." said Gene. 'Frosty Acres' loomed above them. The fur-clad svelte raven-haired niece of Young FuManchu grinned. "No doubt my uncle has relied on our overconfident navigator. They are probably behind this fortress. For your own sakes, I urge you to leave this evil place. My grandmother told me that this is a haven for spooks and demons." replied Irina.

"Look, guys! The moons are rising! Who's got the key?" yelled 'ALF", pointing a fur-mittened paw at the now revealed 'keyhole' high above them.

"Let us take care of this, folks." said a confident Jim West, firing a miniature grappling hook at the wall. "NO! Do not do that, Mr West! You have forgotten the booby traps!" howled Edward Challenger, diving for cover behind a skimmer.

Suddenly, multi-coloured light beams began blasting them. The 'weather shield barriers' deflected the beams which stopped as quickly as they had started. 'ALF' stuck out his paw and Hiram MacDougall gingerly placed the scuffed 'yoyo' into the alien's paw. 'ALF' dug through his rucksack and came up with Brian Tanner's slingshot. Using the 'yoyo key' as a projectile, 'ALF' fired the 'key' straight and true (Surprisingly!) into the 'keyhole'.

There was a deep rumbling sound and the mighty gates dematerialized as if by magic! Willie Tanner came hurrying over to the alien's side. "Do you have any idea what would have happened if you had missed that shot, 'ALF'?" he snarled while Brian demanded his toy from the wily alien.

"But Willie- I didn't miss, did I? So let's just go and find this old sword, OK?" replied 'ALF' and Willie threw up his hands and walked back to his family.

"Once more into the breach, dear friends- once more." quipped Xylo who had once read a few of the immortal Terran Bard's plays.

"Yes, by all means. Lead the way, young Teddy bear. I fear that I must trouble all of you to hand over your weapons to my accolades. Come, ladies and gentlemen- no heroics if you please. Take a look behind your 'ice moving crafts' where the causeway joins the highway. The balance of my crew are still aboard my ship and they have guns trained on all of you.

"Careful, Mr West, Mr Gordon. If I lower my right arm, my minions will open fire. However, if I lower my left arm, they will power down their weapons. I propose a temporary truce. We must work together if we are to recover the 'Sword of Ten', my friends. We each possess half of the means of reaching the immortal blade safely. In your parlance, do we have a deal?" asked a tall and slender Chinese Mandarin warlord of an indeterminate age.

"Where did you come from, man? Who are ya?" yelped 'ALF', shoving Dorothy, Xylo, Lynn and Kate in front of himself. Big brave 'ALF', right? Irina laughed with scorn. "He is my uncle, little bear. He possesses secrets handed down from our illustrious family lineage. Appearing out of thin air is mere child's play for him. I congratulate you, my honoured uncle. You masked your presence quite well, sire." she said, bowing and curtseying to the elderly looking old grandfather figure.

"You're lying, sir. You possess nothing of value to us." growled Aisha.

"I would not be so cock-certain of that, young lady or kitten or whatever you are. However, of one thing I am quite sure. The insidious Dr FuManchu always speaks the truth." said a harsh male voice coming from behind Irina. Her eyebrows rose a centimetre. That was the sole sign she gave of being surprised by this newcomer's appearance.

"Greetings, Commissioner of Scotland Yard Sir Denis Nayland-Schmidt. You have also masked your energy well. However, Sir Denis does speak the truth. My honoured master would never tell a falsehood. Test him with Miss Prince's 'golden lariat of truth' if you still disbelieve, dear friends." said Irina, showing the grizzled old bearded gentleman the same respect that she had just shown to her master/uncle.

"What do you have that we don't, Grandpa?" demanded Jimbo Hawkins angrily. Dr FuManchu smiled.

"You already possess the star vidmaps with the three riddles and the 'key' which you have just used to unlock the gateway portals. However, know this. 'Frosty Acres' was not built by any ordinary race. This fortress was constructed by the 'Daleks' who are a machine race of aliens originally from the now destroyed world of 'Kaled'. I need not remind you, Sir Hiram MacDougall, what sort of 'booby traps' they have been wont to use to protect their investments." said the tall Chinaman quietly.

"And are we to assume that you know how to get past these so called 'booby traps', sir?" asked Willie whose eyes had not left the Chinaman's space vessel. FuManchu had lowered neither of his arms- yet.

"Of course he does, you fools. But, why the olive branch offering, Fu? Why not attack these people by force. I presume that your 'Dacoits' are with you?" grumbled Sir Denis, grinding a cheroot beneath his deck boot's heel.

"Because I am their prisoner, honourable Commissioner. I was careless, sir." replied Irina.

"My niece was foolish, old friend. Where is your companion, Sir Denis? Dr Petrie? Another mission, perhaps?" chortled the tall lean Chinese warlord. "Dr Petrie is as close as this police whistle and he is not alone, Fu." growled the Englander.

"Now who is the liar, my friend? Ishi, show them that photograph upon your vidcellphone. (Ishi Takashi complied and held up his phone which clearly showed a slightly stoutish tall gentleman and a lovely blonde woman seated beside him) Notice the time stamp upon the photograph, Sir Denis. Mr Garner, sir? Do we have an agreement or do we not, sir?" asked Fu quietly.

END of Chapter 20. Chapter 21 'Treasure Hunt' or 'Lupin Does His Thing' to follow as soon as possible. We apolgize for this much delayed chapter posting. An early Happy Mother's Day to all of you from Your Frinedship Team.- The Keiman.


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